Waking Up
by RiaMaria
Summary: Set in the summer after Twilight, 2 weeks before the beginning of senior year, Bella wakes up one Saturday morning to find a sleeping, HUMAN Edward beside her. BxE AU. Romance/Humour/Drama - ON HIATUS
1. Waking Up with Edward

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight!

A/N – This was originally an abandoned story written by Athey and put up for adoption. Only the first chapter is hers, and it has been reposted with permission. There will be more below!

Premise: It's 2 weeks before the beginning of senior year, and one day Edward wakes up human, Yup, that's it!

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**Bella**

I was slowly regaining consciousness. The weak light from outside my little window was creeping through and hitting me directly on the face. I knew for it to be this far into the room already, it had to be getting a little late. Later then I usually allowed myself to sleep, and later then Edward usually let me sleep too.

That was when I first noticed that something was amiss. I could feel his weight on the bed beside me; the familiar sagging in the bed that always alerted me to his presence there, but something was off. Instead of that side of my body feeling the normal chill I'd grown so accustomed to it was... warm?

I slowly opened my eyes, trying to clear the fog out of my head enough to make sense of this oddity.

There, inches from my face was Edward, but again... something was off. His eyes were closed. He was usually staring into my face when I woke up, anxiously awaiting for me to finally regain consciousness. His mouth was parted slightly and he was breathing, deeply and slowly. If I hadn't known better, I would have sworn he was asleep.

I reached my hand out from the blankets to caress his cheek... What? It was… _warm_. He didn't move. He didn't respond to my touch. Instead of the hard cold marble I was accustomed to I felt... Stubble?

I quickly propped myself up on my right elbow, my left hand still touching his face.

"Edward?" I said quietly, unsure. Was I still sleeping? Was this a dream?

"Edward!" I said louder, more urgently. I moved my hand to his shoulder and shook him lightly. His arm was soft and warm. My vision was clearer now, and as I studied his features more closely I began to notice more subtle changes. His jaw line and cheek bones were much softer; rounded out a little more than before. And his skin was notably darker.

Panic was beginning to rise in my chest. I shook him again, more forcefully now. "Edward! Please!"

He began to stir, and I froze. He closed his mouth and scrunched up his forehead, his eyes still closed. His tongue darted out slightly and licked over his dry lips before vanishing back into his mouth.

His eyes began to slowly flutter open, blinking rapidly, trying to focus through a haze of... sleep?

Green. They were green. I gasped.

His eyes widened at the sound and he looked at me with concern.

"Bella? What's wro-" He stopped mid-word. Shocked by the sound of his own voice; it was still Edward, but it was also distinctly different. It was a little more rough, and didn't have nearly the same musical quality to it I'd grown so accustomed to.

He inhaled a deep breath and his eyes widened. He did it again. Breathing in deeply and then slowly exhaling. His eyes darted to mine, confusion flooding them.

"Edward, are you okay?" I asked tentatively; still too much in shock to think of what else to do.

"I... I don't know." He slowly pushed himself upwards from the bed to prop himself up on his elbow, mirroring my own position. "What... was I just..." His voice trailed off, laced with shock and confusion.

"_Sleeping_." I said stunned.

His eyes darted back to mine, even wider. "Sleeping!?" His startled response cracked out and the sound coming out of his own mouth seemed to shock him again.

He brought up his free hand to his mouth and cleared his throat, coughing roughly for a moment.

"I'm... I'm breathing. I... Oh my god, Bella my... my _heart_ is pounding in my chest. It feels like it's going to explode." His eyes looked panicked and shocked. But I could sympathize with the feeling of the pounding heart. My own felt like it was about to explode from my chest. The utterly bizarre events unfolding around us right now were sending every sense into overdrive.

"Does it hurt? I mean... does your chest hurt, or is it just..."

"No... It's not painful." His eyes darted down to his chest. He pressed his hand against it, over the spot where his previously dead heart resided in his chest cavity. He gasped. "Jesus Bella... it's really beating..."

Instinctively my hand shot over to join his and as we touched he jerked away as if shocked, his eyes flying back up to mine.

"What?" I asked, startled by the sudden reaction. He paused for a moment before reaching his hand out to meet with mine. Slowly and tentatively, his fingers touched mine, interweaving with them and then finally fully clasping them together, palm-to-palm.

His breathing was deep and rapid. I was suddenly afraid he might hyperventilate if he didn't calm down. Holy crap! I was afraid that _Edward_ was going to _hyperventilate?!?_

We lay there in stunned silence for a moment, our hands together, my eyes trained on his confused expression, and his eyes trained intensely on our hands. His breathing slowly became more regular as he held my hand and I could see it was calming him down some. My mind was still racing. Still confused, still... I don't know. This is insane!

"Edward... What happened? How? I mean... are you..?" My words tumbled out in a rush.

His eyes darted back up to meet mine again before darting around the room searching for answers where there were none. Finally he looked back at me, still seemingly at a loss for words.

"Bella," he said slowly. He seemed to be analyzing the sound of his own voice. "Bella," he repeated once more, not even really talking to me this time. Rather, I think he was saying it just for something to say. Something to say, to hear the sound of his strange new voice again.

"Edward?" I asked slowly.

"I... I think I'm human again," he said slowly, looking me in the eyes with intensity and shock.

His eyes were incredible. The green was beyond anything I'd ever imagined. The outermost circle was a deep forest green, followed next by a bright glowing emerald that slowly transitioned back into a deeper green where it met his black pupil. The emerald sparkled and reflected the dim light in the room and I felt myself become completely lost in it for a moment.

"Bella?" he said, trying to prompt a response this time.

"Ha.... How?" I stammered.

"I have... absolutely _no_ idea," he said, looking away from me and staring intently at his hand. He slowly flexed his fist open and closed, his eyes examining it with strange curiosity.

Slowly he pushed himself upright into a sitting position, still not taking his eyes off his hand. He stretched his arm outward in front of him before bringing it back in. Bending his various joints individually, experiencing the strange new feeling of his... his _human_ muscles.

"Edward, are you alright? I mean... do you think anything is... wrong? I don't know... okay obviously something _is_ wrong... but..." I stuttered out the jumbled words as I followed him in sitting upright on the bed, pushing the blankets away and bunching them up by my feet. I watched him cautiously as he continued to stretch out his other arm and repeat the same maneuvers as earlier. Slowly he lowered both of his arms to his sides, pressing them against the bed. He swiveled his body, his legs moving outwards and bending down till his feet found the floor.

Not even thinking, I jumped out of the bed and hurried around to the opposite side to help him out if he needed it.

He paused, still silent, still deep in his own thoughts. His socked feet were placed carefully on the floor as he sat cautiously on the ends of the bed, each hand still pressed firmly into the mattress on each side of him.

He pushed off and stood up, unsteadily.

He gasped and I saw shock cross his face; I immediately recognized the feeling behind the expression. His balance wasn't there. He felt unsteady. _That_ was a feeling I was familiar with. I reached out and grabbed his arm to steady him, his arms quickly wrapping around my own body at the shock of the unfamiliar dizziness he'd just experienced.

He gasped again as he realized the position we were in. He was holding into me with a strange desperation I'd never really seen happen with him. Granted, I'd only known Edward about seven months, but I felt like we'd experienced a lot during that short time.

The only time I'd ever really encountered a truly desperate Edward was when I was lying in my own blood on that damned ballet studio floor, and I was barely conscious for that, so it almost didn't count.

But even then, he was still the stronger one. Right now I couldn't help but feel that out of the two of us, the weakest, most fragile one at the moment was not me. It was a strange realization. It was... scary.

"Edward... Edward I think we need to call Carlisle." I said finally. His eyes seemed to focus on me and I finally got a response of some sort out of him.

"Yes... Yes you're right. I... we... oh God Bella... it's so hard to think right now. My head is this... this jumbled mess. I can't think straight."

"It's okay. I'll call him." I was still holding him up and the heat from his body pressed up against me was strange... but nice. Maybe better than nice….. "Maybe you should sit back down on the bed, okay? I'm not sure it's a great idea for you to be standing right now."

He nodded slowly and began to ease himself back onto the bed. His eyes were distant. Like he was trying to think and his mind was far away.

"You wait here and I'll be right back, okay?" I said cautiously as I headed towards the door. I left slowly and tried not to startle him too much, but the second the door was closed I bolted down the stairs at top speed. I inwardly thanked my lucky stars that it was Saturday and Charlie would be gone all day fishing with Billy.

I reached the wall-mounted phone at the very base of the stairs and pulled the wireless handset out from its place there, quickly dialing the Carlisle's number. I heard the line connect and Carlisle's silky voice answered. "Hello?"

"Oh Carlisle! Thank God I got you. Something's wrong. Something happened to Edward. I don't know what's going on exactly, but, but... but... "

"Bella, calm down. What's wrong? Something happened to Edward? Where is he?"

"He's up in my room, sitting on my bed... But Carlisle, he's-"

"Okay, I'm heading to my car; I'll be there in a few minutes." I could hear the sound of his car door closing and the ignition of the engine in the background. "You said that something has happened to him?"

"When I woke up this morning he was..." I faltered here. I knew that Edward's family was all more than aware that he was spending his nights with me, but somehow it still felt awkward to tell his father that he had woken up in my bed... oh to hell with it. "He was lying there next to me... but... but Carlisle, he was _asleep._"

There was a moment of silence at his end. "Asleep?"

"He was sleeping. As in _unconscious_. And... He's _warm_. His heart is beating... he... he..."

"His heart is w_hat?"_

"And his eyes are Green! Carlisle, he... it's like he's human!"

Silence.

"I'm only a few blocks away; I'll be there in a few seconds Bella."

"Okay...." I said in a small little voice. I glanced up the stairs, torn between waiting downstairs for Carlisle to arrive, and running back up to make sure Edward was still okay.

I heard his car pull up out front, coming to an abrupt stop and scattering gravel from the roadside. I'd never been more thankful for the Cullen's tendency to drive irrationally fast than I was at that moment.

I ran to the front door and flung it open, anxious as I watched Carlisle exit his car and race towards me at as fast a speed as he could get away with when the possibility existed that any prying eyes could be around. I realized I still had the phone in my hand and pressed the button to end the call.

"He's upstairs?" Carlisle said as he rushed in, his face full of concern.

"Yes. He's in my room."

He was flying up the stairs and I followed him as quickly as I could manage. I was amazed that I didn't fall down and stumble on my way up.

I came up behind Carlisle, who was standing just beyond the doorway in stunned silence, staring at Edward as he slowly stood up from the bed. His amazing green eyes darted between Carlisle's and my own, the same shocked confusion from earlier still filling them.

I heard Carlisle gasp. I knew that even from halfway across the room Carlisle's keen vampire senses had immediately picked up on all the details I had earlier. Edward's skin tone, his body heat, his eye colour... His heartbeat.

"Edward?" Carlisle asked cautiously, as he slowly walked towards the bed.

"Yes..." Edward responded with a shaky voice. He looked slightly unnerved as Carlisle approached and his eyes kept darting back to me, almost pleading with me... almost... like he was afraid of something.

I quickly walked around the room past Carlisle to Edward's side. I grasped his hand in mine, his eyes focused solely on mine and immediately he seemed to relax considerably.

"Edward, can you tell me the last thing you remember before waking up this morning?" Carlisle said, in a soft calming voice.

Edward's physical response did not react in a calmed way, however. As his focused returned to Carlisle I felt his grip tighten on my hand, his palm was sweaty and he seemed to be shaking lightly. I raised a hand to his shoulder and began rubbing it in an attempt to calm him down.

"Edward?" Carlisle asked cautiously, no longer moving forward. He was standing on the opposite side of the bed, a good five feet between him and Edward. I could tell from his demeanor that he sensed something was wrong aside from the whole Edward suddenly being human thing, but I didn't understand it at all.

"Uh.. Right. I'm... I'm sorry Carlisle..." Edward shook his head and took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. "The last thing I remember... was humming Bella's lullaby to her and watching her drift off to sleep... But I... I definitely do not remember falling asleep. But there's nothing after that until I... Jesus... until I _woke up_ this morning." He shook his head in disbelief at his own words, his face a picture of utter confusion.

Edward brought his free hand up to the brow of his nose, pinching at it, and an expression of frustration crossing his features.

"I... I'm having trouble sorting through my thoughts Carlisle. My mind doesn't... it doesn't feel right. It's hard to concentrate," he continued, letting out a loud huff of a sigh and finally removing his hand from his nose.

"Well..." Carlisle began slowly, "it would make sense to some extent... A human mind isn't capable of processing nearly as much information at once as you'd be used to. The transition from a vampire mind to a human one would probably feel extremely... claustrophobic... I imagine it _would_ be very difficult to become accustomed to thinking within those confines again."

Edward nodded slowly for a moment but then suddenly clutched at his head and bent over, letting out a stifled yelp of pain.

"Edward!" I cried at the sudden and unexpected outburst. I grabbed at his side, trying to steady him and guide him back to the bed, but he pushed himself upright and held his ground.

"I'm okay. I... ugh... Wait. Carlisle _please_ for the love of God stop thinking..."

My eyes widened and I stared at Carlisle, his eyes just as wide and surprised as mine.

"Edward, can you still hear my thoughts?" Carlisle asked with intense curiosity in his voice.

"I... I don't know. Sort of. I'm still picking up little bits but it hurts like hell when I do. I don't think my mind is really equipped to handle this."

"If he's human, why can he still hear your thoughts?" I asked Carlisle, confused.

"I don't know Bella... I've always theorized that our abilities as vampires are merely dormant or subtle traits that we had as humans that get amplified by the change. It's possible that Edward always had the ability within him to read minds, even as a human."

"I'm pretty sure I don't recall ever hearing people's thoughts as a human." Edward said, his freehand still pressed up against his forehead.

"Maybe not, but I would guess that you now know _what_ to tune into, simply because you've been instinctively tuning into it for years. The ability was there, even as a human, you simply didn't know how to make use of it before. Now using the ability is second nature to you, so even as a human, remnants of the skill still remain. ..Or at least that's the best I can theorize with what I know." Carlisle shrugged and eyed us both apologetically.

Edward winced again, pressing more of his palm against his temple for a moment before opening his eyes again and looking into Carlisle's face. "It's okay... It took me a while to get used to it as a vampire... it may take me time...." He paused, his eyes searching the emptiness of the room for his own thoughts. "Carlisle, do you think this is permanent?" He looked back up into his father's eyes.

"I don't know..." Carlisle responded softly. "Unless we can figure out what might have brought about this change, we'll have no way of knowing if it'll last or not. It's hard to imagine the transformation from vampire to human would be so sudden and simple that you could just fall asleep and wake up like this...

"The transformation from human to vampire is such a violent one…" he continued, his eyes still distant as he sifted through his own mind, trying to make sense of what was going on with his son. "…it's difficult to understand what could possibly happen to reverse the process, let alone reverse it so quickly and..."

"Painlessly." Edward finished.

"Yes, exactly." Carlisle's eyes returned to Edward's and I felt him flinch next to me. The reaction confused me, Edward's body language this entire time was strange to me... the way he was reacting to his father didn't seem right.

"Edward... I think I'd like to get a blood sample from you, if that would be okay with you." Carlisle said slowly and with considerable caution. Whatever was going on with Edward, it was clear that Carlisle was picking up on it as well. Edward flinched noticeably and I could feel his tension beside me. He honestly seemed to be... afraid.

"I think it'd probably be best if you spend the rest of the day with Bella though... while I go over the sample." Carlisle finished, his eyes soft and apologetic.

With that final addition I felt Edward's demeanor lighten considerably. I was still extremely confused by this. It also seemed odd that Carlisle wouldn't want to take Edward home so they could watch him more closely. Or to the hospital to do more thorough tests... but then again I suppose exposing any of Edward's blood to hospital records was probably a risk they wouldn't want to take.

Carlisle placed his medical bag on the bed in front of him. Everything had happened so fast I hadn't even realized he was carrying it. He opened it and pulled out a syringe and a small vile wrapped in plastic. He unwrapped the various pieces and laid them out neatly on my bedside table.

Edward was visibly nervous beside me again. His fist was clenching mine with considerable force. If he had still had his vampire strength, I had little doubt that he'd have crushed every bone in my hand by now. His breathing was also erratic and I could feel panic coming off him in waves as he watched Carlisle's every move.

_What was wrong?_

Carlisle was all set. He looked back up at Edward, holding the needle in one hand. "Edward, can you do this? I really think it's important that I get this sample." His voice was soft and calming. His best doctor bedside manner voice. Edward didn't seem to care.

He visibly clenched and unclenched his jaw. I could see sweat collecting on his forehead. _Sweat!_ _My God he's sweating!_

He took in a deep breath, closed his eyes and stretched his arm out in front of him.

"Do it quick. I don't care if it hurts... just do it quickly and... And please leave."

I gawked at Edward; stunned by his words. I looked over at Carlisle and I could see some hurt in his eyes, but he also seemed to understand them. Whatever this was, Carlisle clearly had a better idea of what was going on than I did.

Carlisle silently flew around the bed grasped Edward's outstretched forearm. So quickly I could barely tell he'd even done it, he swabbed Edward's arm with a small alcohol swab and effortlessly plunged the needle directly into a vein. He slipped the vial onto needle and it slowly filled with red blood. _Edward's_ blood.

Edward was visibly shaking. His breathing was fast and almost panicked. He looked extremely pained just standing there. A feeling of complete helplessness washed over me. Here was my strong beautiful Edward, in the weakest state I'd ever seen him in. Visibly _afraid _to be this close to his own father?

The vial was finally filled and Carlisle quickly removed it, pulled out the needle and placed a small cotton swab over the puncture wound.

"Bella," he said, looking at me. He motioned for me to take over holding the swab in place, which I did, and Carlisle immediately moved to the other side of the room, carefully placing the vile back into his medical bag.

Edward's breathing calmed almost instantly and he slowly reopened his eyes.

"Bella, there's some medical tape laying on the bed, use that to tape the cotton swab in place." Carlisle said to me, pointing to a small roll of white tape on the bed.

I stared at him confused for a moment, unsure why he hadn't just done it himself, but quickly did as I was told.

"Edward..." Carlisle began cautiously, Edward stiffened next to me again. "Is it alright if I speak with Bella for a moment, out in the hall?"

Edward's eyes were huge and filled with... fear? They darted from me to Carlisle and back again before he closed them and took a deep breath, nodding his head. He squeezed my hand quickly and released it.

I eyed him with concern, hesitant to leave him, but I needed some answers and hopefully I could get some from Carlisle. He finished backing up his bag and headed towards the doorway. I followed him, glancing back over my shoulder to watch Edward as I left the room. His eyes were full of pain and fear.

Carlisle led me back down the hallway and headed down the stairs where he paused and waited for me to catch up.

"Carlisle, what's going on? What's wrong with him? It was almost like he was..."

"Afraid of me. Yes, Bella." My eyes shot up to stare at him in shock. Carlisle took a deep breath and sighed, his eyes distant.

"Why?" I asked, still confused.

He gave me a weak grin and eyed me sadly.

"Bella, I'm sure Edward has frequently told you how much your..." he chuckled weakly, "…lack of self-preservation shocks him. How you can feel so comfortable around us. Edward has never been able to understand it. How you can know what we are, what we're capable of doing, and still feel comfortable being so near us."

"But you're his family! His father! He knows you wouldn't-"

"Yes, he knows. But inside him are new human instincts, instincts that you've always lacked for some reason, instincts that tell him to be afraid. We aren't natural Bella, and the fact that Edward knows that makes it even worse.

"In fact, I'm quite sure that it's making it much worse. He knows firsthand just how _weak_ a human body is. How fragile he's become. Being aware of this weakness, and aware of what exactly I am... I'm sure it's incredibly difficult for him to fight against the natural fear that's within him right now.

"These emotions and feelings he's experiencing right now are foreign to him. He's overwhelmed and I think that my presence is just too much for him to handle right now. That'll be true for any of us. I think you're probably the only one he can be with right now."

I stared at him, stunned into silence. I fought to make some sense of everything I'd just had to take in when a thought came to me.

"He can't go home, can he?" I said, unsure.

"I highly doubt he would feel comfortable anywhere near the house right now, Bella." Carlisle said weakly, sadness in his eyes.

"I... I still don't understand how he could be afraid of you. It just doesn't make sense.... I..." Carlisle raised his hand to cut me off, his soft sad golden eyes staring into my own.

"It's alright Bella. He may be able to get over it once he's able to better control his emotions. Right now I think everything is just too overwhelming for him to handle anything extra."

I nodded weakly, my mind drifting over the events of the last half hour. Suddenly I remembered the _other_ incredibly important thing I needed to ask him.

"So, is he human? I mean, for real? He turned human somehow?!?"

"Everything I can see seems to indicate so. Obviously I didn't do any sort of thorough exam, but from what I could sense, it would seem to be the case. He smelled human, his blood is pumping, his skin is soft and warm just as it would be if he were human. His body temperature seems to be right for a human... heart rate.... everything that I could tell from being in the room with him."

"Do you think you'll learn anything from the blood sample?"

"We'll see. I won't know till I look."

I nodded weakly again.

"Carlisle... If the fear... if he doesn't get over it, but this human thing is permanent... what... where will he go?"

He took another deep breath and sighed.

"We'll have to cross that bridge when we come to it. Edward has his own money. He could afford to buy his own house if he wanted to. For the immediate future it would probably be wise for him to get a hotel room somewhere nearby. I'm assuming that your father will not be staying out all weekend?"

"No... He'll be home later this evening..."

"You should probably try to orchestrate a 'sleepover' with Alice, and keep Edward company at the hotel."

That could work. I knew there was no way I could leave Edward alone in the state he was in, but I also couldn't imagine how I'd keep him hidden away in my room without Charlie noticing. The sleepover idea would work for tonight, but I was going to have to come up with something for the following night.

I was grateful it was still summer break. Considering how Edward had reacted to being in the room with Carlisle's thoughts, I couldn't even imagine how difficult it would be for his human mind to handle a school full of people.

"Bella," Carlisle interrupted my thoughts. I looked back up at him. "Can you think of _anything_ unusual that happened last night? Anything at all? Even yesterday during the day. Whatever triggered this could have taken time to kick in."

I looked at the floor, searching my thoughts for anything strange... nothing. I shook my head sadly. "I can't think of anything that was weird... I wasn't with Edward all day though."

"Try to talk to him about it some when the two of you are alone and he's had some time to calm down a little. See if he can recall anything odd or out of place. Ask him if he hunted yesterday... perhaps he ingested something.... Anything at all. Just let me know."

I nodded, my mind still distant, trying to pinpoint anything from the previous day that could be construed as 'unusual' from our usual unusual.

"Edward has my cell number, and he should still have his phone with him. Keep it with the two of you and call me the moment _anything_ happens. If Edward is feeling up to it, maybe he can give me a call himself a little later. I would like to hope he'll manage talking with me better if I'm not physically in the room with him."

"Ok,." I finally said after a moment. I glanced back up the stairs over my shoulder, worried about leaving Edward alone for so long.

"I'm going to head out now and run a few tests on the blood sample. I'll call Edward's number right away if I find anything."

He put his hand on my shoulder. The cool feel of it was soothing and I sighed.

"Take care... both of you," he said, before turning and heading out the door.

I stood there in silent shock for a moment, still completely lost as to what to do. How should I to handle this? But then I knew what I needed to be doing; I needed to be with Edward. He needed me now more than ever; I was the only one who could comfort him at all right now.

I ran back up the stairs and through the door to find him sitting on the edge of my bed hunched over, his head down in his hands. My heart broke for him.

"I'm horrible," he said as I slowly entered the room.

"What? No you're not. What are you talking ab-"

"Bella... please... You know what I'm talking about. I can't believe I behaved so appallingly."

"Edward, Carlisle understands... it's not something you could really control."

"You're never like that around them..."

"Well, I think we already established that I'm a freak among humans."

He scoffed lightly, still not raising his head from his hands. "I know... I KNOW that Carlisle would never... I know it. But I still couldn't... I was just so... so terrified Bella... I... I don't recall ever feeling fear like that. Ever." He shook his head in his hands.

"Well..." I walked over and sat on the bed behind him, stretching my arms out over him and hugging his back to me. "For being so horribly afraid, I'd say you handled it pretty well.

"Pfft." He shook his head again but released his face from his hands. He let them trail down and grab hold of my own arms that were wrapped around his torso. He leaned back into me and let out a long slow sigh.

"This is nice," he said, after a long pause.

I looked at him, surprised, but I didn't say anything.

He took a deep breath and let out another slow sigh, leaning his head back, resting it against my shoulder. He looked almost peaceful there. It was all so surreal.

After another minute of silence I finally thought of something that needed saying.

"Carlisle thinks that it'd be a good idea for us to get a hotel for the night."

His eyes popped open and he stared at me in surprise. Suddenly it occurred to me what _other_ meanings that sentence could have and I felt the blush fly over my face.

"I aahh... I mean, so you have somewhere to stay. I'm not sure I can hide you here when Charlie gets home, and Carlisle didn't think you'd be comfortable going home at all...."

He shot me that wonderful crooked grin of his and I couldn't help but smile back.

"I'm gonna tell Charlie that I'm spending the night with Alice." I continued, still blushing a bit in embarrassment. "That way I can come with you. I... I still don't know what we'll do for tomorrow night, but I guess we can try and figure that out at the hotel..."

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A/N – Firstly thanks to Athey, everything you just read was hers, everything from now on though is mine!

Press the green button and tell me – what's the first thing you think Edward would do as newly human?


	2. Waking Up with Bella

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight!

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**Edward**

The first thing I became aware of was feeling... comfortable, and warm.

I heard Bella's voice somewhere in the distance, and I felt something firm shake me. I took in a deep breath, and was immediately enveloped by her beautiful scent… but something was different.

As if I was rising from deep underwater, I regained my senses slowly. I opened my eyes, and was blinded by sunlight for a moment; I blinked rapidly, trying to work out where I was. Huh?

I finally managed to open my eyes, and the first thing I registered was Bella's beautiful brown eyes gazing back at me. My heart soared for a second as I drifted in them, until I registered the horror in her face.

_Oh my God, what could I have done?_

"Bella? What's wro-" _Huh?_

_What? _

My voice sounded wrong in my ears, rough, and my throat felt… peculiar. I suddenly became aware of a need, a burning need in my chest. My lungs expanded quickly, and I felt relief.

_Relief? Since when did breathing in feel like relief?_

I tried it again, breathing in and out slowly, finding intense pleasure in the relief of air in my lungs. My mind began to run at a mile a minute, until it became a jumbled mixture of thoughts that I tripped over in my own head.

_What? What? _

My usually busy mind slowed, until all I could register was absolute confusion. I saw Bella looking at me strangely, no doubt wondering if I had gone insane during the night, something which I was actually considering myself.

"Edward, are you ok?" she asked me, looking worried. I didn't blame her. In my confusion I was undoubtedly out of control, of my strength, my thirst even. How much danger was I putting her in, just by staying here?

Then I registered for the first time what felt so… odd.

Despite the fact that every breath I was inhaling was filled with Bella's beautiful perfume, fresh and clean and floral, glorious in every way, my throat did not burn. My thirst was gone.

_How can my thirst be gone?_

When had that happened? I tried to recall, and realised that there was a gap in my memory, having suddenly become aware again for the first time in several hours just a few moments ago. Become aware? Since when in my existence had I ever had a moment's respite from unceasing awareness? It was almost like…

_No. Surely not._

"I… I don't know," I stuttered. _I stuttered?_

Bella had moved up on the bed and I moved to face her, unwilling to lose the connection we had just shared being face to face. As I moved, I became aware of groaning in my body, my muscles stretching unwillingly. My movements felt clumsy and slow, as if I were being crushed by a mountainside as I tried to move.

I tried again. "What… was I just…" I could hardly manage to string together a coherent thought, let alone sentence. My voice sounded plain wrong in my ears. I couldn't find the words to ask her what I needed to.

"Sleeping." The surprise was undeniable in her expression.

Surprise? The single word UNDERSTATEMENT sailed through my mind taking up my entire consciousness for a moment, taking over my every thought. My mind seemed to stumble again, as I was overwhelmed by the sensation of my thoughts being entirely filled, no room for anything other than that one. Then the sensation was gone, as I began to register what she had said, at the same time I began to become aware of other differences in my body.

"Sleeping!?" Yes that was the word I was looking for, and my mind could not accept. The rough break in my voice as I said that single word made me jump, and I reached to my mouth, as if I could catch the word on its way out of me.

I cleared my throat, and the _relief _of breathing shocked me all over again.

"I'm… I'm breathing. I…" As I inhaled again I registered another sensation in my chest which I didn't recognize. A thundering, trembling, sound which made me feel breathless all over again. As I felt my ribs being battered by this new sound, I wheeled internally, this time though I could voice the new sensation without such a struggle.

"Oh my God, Bella my… My heart is pounding in my chest. It feels like it's going to explode." In that moment I felt genuine alarm. As I spoke to her, my heart rate increased, until I could feel it pounding all the way up my chest into the back of my throat. The sensation gave me the urge to wrap my arms around my chest to hold my new found movements within me, afraid of what they meant, but at the same time even more afraid that they might stop.

"Does it hurt? I mean... does your chest hurt, or is it just…" She looked so worried about me that my own panic instinctively eased, my concern for her as usual overruling all other sensations, my urge to ease her mind taking over for a few seconds.

"No… It's not painful," I replied, and I hoped that she looked relieved, I was realizing that my eyes were not as clear as I was used to, and I needed to focus more to really _see _her. Just looking at her calmed me in a way nothing else ever could. I went back to my self-examination and put my hand against my chest, confirming what I already knew without a doubt. "Jesus Bella... it's really beating."

She reached out to touch my chest herself, but as her hand touched me I couldn't help but jerk away, startled. Her hand no longer felt of burning heat, or fragile, like the delicate bird fluttering against me that I usually had to control myself so strongly to not harm.

I heard her speak, but I did not register her words as I was overwhelmed with the urge to touch her hand.

I reached out to her, stroking her fingers, feeling her delicate bone structure in a whole new way. Instead of feeling like fragile glass under mine, her fingers felt firm and strong. After a moment of consideration I dared to link my fingers in with hers, still ever watchful of a sudden surge of strength rushing through my hand and crushing her delicate one, that now felt tiny and feminine under mine.

The strength I could feel in her fingers reassured me, and I clasped her whole hand to mine, palm to palm. My heart soared in my chest, accompanied by a new sensation of racing beats, which was this time caused by our touch, rather than by fear. Our hands felt natural together, warm and equal.

I began to feel breathless, but the more I breathed, the worse it got. I stared at our linked hands, oh the joy of being able to touch her like this. But how was this happening? Was I about to crush her in a moment of carelessness?

_Oh, but the sheer pleasure of her hand in mine._

Our touch matched each other's, my hand warming hers, as hers warmed mine. I felt my breathing ease as I gazed at our linked hands. I wondered what it would feel like if I touched her hip with my hand.

_Wait! Where did that come from?_

Thankfully she chose that moment to distract me "Edward... What happened? How? I mean... are you..?"

I caught her eye, but then glanced away again quickly, embarrassed by my errant thought.

She was still waiting for me to speak, but I had no idea what to say.

"Bella." Oh Bella, it always came back to Bella. My voice was still wrong in my head, I had lost the musical snare, the vampiric lilt designed to lure in my prey. It sounded almost like… "Bella," I said it again, just to be certain. Yes it sounded… Human.

_I sound human? My heart is beating? I need to breathe? Could it be… Could I be… My heart began to race again, did I even dare to hope, dare to believe? _

"I... I think I'm human again." Just voicing my thought made my head reel; a million emotions barreled into me all at once, shock, surprise, panic, joy, fear… joy… fear.

Bella was gazing at me, no doubt as shocked as me by this turn of events. Her pupils dilated as I watched her, and for a moment I allowed myself to get lost in her beautiful brown eyes, pools so deep that I felt like I could drown in them. I felt myself tremble a little under her penetrating gaze.

She still didn't say anything.

_What is she thinking? Is she afraid? Am I afraid? _

"Bella?" _Please answer me._

"Ha.... How?" she stammered, looking to me for answers that I simply did not have.

"I have... absolutely _no_ idea." _Can it be true? Could I really be human again? _

I stretched out my hand and looked at it. The first thing I was struck by was the lack of clarity in my vision; I could _see _my hand, but not the details I was used to. It was just a hand. I couldn't see the blood moving under my skin, which I knew must be there if the beating in my chest was more than just a bizarre hallucination conjured by my mind. I could tell little more about it, than the simple fact that it was a hand.

I flexed my fingers, trying to learn more. The muscles stretched and groaned in a way I was completely unfamiliar with. As I watched my hand I sat up slowly on the bed, my back cracking and muscles groaning in complaint as they moved for the first time after several hours of rest. I moved my attention to my arm, bending my elbow and stretching out from the shoulder. Every movement was an effort, as the muscles stretched and flexed beneath my skin.

_Is this normal? Is it painful? I'm really not sure._

"Edward, are you alright? I mean... do you think anything is... wrong? I don't know... okay obviously something _is_ wrong... but..." I could hear Bella speaking, but I was lost in examining my new muscles. I stretched out my other arm and flexed. It was strangely pleasurable.

Rather than the unthinking, sudden movements of a vampire, I was moving fluidly, like a well oiled machine. Every movement was deliberate and considered, matched by the muscles beneath my skin. Once I had finished examining my upper body, I wondered what my legs would feel like, how would it feel to stand, to walk, as the new flesh and blood creature I now appeared to be?

I turned around and shifted my legs to the edge of the bed. As I did I felt Bella get off of the bed behind me and run around to stand by my side. Was she worried about me? Silly Bella.

But then, suddenly I was worried too. How could I make all of these muscles move together to carry my weight? The effortlessness I was used to was long gone, but I felt so reliant on it, I wasn't sure if I would be able to stand. I realised that Bella's clumsiness was not actually as funny as it sometimes appeared to be. The fact that anyone could walk upright without falling down, now struck me as quite marvelous.

_Ok, here goes._

I pushed my hands down on to the bed and tried to stand.

_Oh, hell, I'm going to fall on my face!_

Bella reached out for me, and I unthinkingly grabbed hold of her, wrapping my arms around her and hanging on for dear life. In the back of my mind, a voice was screaming at me not to hurt her, but for a second I was absolutely distracted by the swimming sensation in my head as I struggled not to fall.

I came to my senses, and gasped when I felt Bella held tightly in my arms. I must be hurting her! I was filled with alarm for a second, before I looked carefully into her eyes and saw nothing but her utter love and care for me.

_She looks worried. Is she upset by what's happening to me?_

The heat of her body was pressed against the full length of mine, it distracted me for a moment, and I felt a small shudder go through me caused by the feel of her.

What on earth was going on? The harder I tried to think about what had happened to me, the more confused I became, my mind became a swirl of thoughts and emotions and I started to feel ill.

_I think I'm going to be sick!_

"Edward... Edward I think we need to call Carlisle," she said.

_Yes, Carlisle. Carlisle will know what to do._

"Yes... Yes you're right. I... we... oh God Bella... it's so hard to think right now. My head is this... this jumbled mess. I can't think straight." _That's putting it mildly._

"It's ok. I'll call him." I didn't want to let her go, the sheer pleasure I felt at holding her against me was pushing every other thought out of my mind. "Maybe you should sit back down on the bed ok? I'm not sure it's a great idea for you to be standing right now."

I let her go and sat back down on the bed slowly, but as soon as she was out of my arms, my mind began to work on what was happening to me again, and I became lost in my thoughts. It was difficult to think, as if I was trapped in a tiny box, and every time I turned I was cut off by another wall. I searched for my train of thought, and felt myself descending into confusion.

"You wait here and I'll be right back, ok?"she said, as she looked at me as if I was an animal she was trying not to alarm. Bella crept out of the door and closed it. I listened, but I could only hear her first two or three footsteps away from the door before there was silence. I strained my ears in frustration; normally I would be able to quite easily eavesdrop on her conversation, but I could hear nothing at all from downstairs.

I forgot trying to stand for a moment, as I tried desperately to make sense of what was happening to me. Could I really be human again?

I put my hands together and felt my skin, it was soft and warm. I pinched the skin on the back of my hand and felt how soft it was, as it gave between my finger and thumb. My skin went white when I pinched it, colour flooding back as I let go, showing my blood flowing beneath the surface. I noted the change in my skin tone, a warm yet still pale colour, to match my auburn hair and green eyes no doubt.

Are my eyes green again? I looked across the room, and into Bella's mirror; the frightened boy I saw there was looking back at me with deep emerald green eyes. I examined his face for a moment; from a distance my vision seemed cloudy again. Despite the lack of clarity, I could make out the physical changes in my features; my softened jaw line, slightly rounder cheeks; my slightly less defined nose and brow. Will Bella notice how different I look? …will she mind?

In the mirror, I watched as my thoughts flashed past. I saw a look of worry cross my face.

_Where is the arrogant Edward who usually confronts me in the mirror every day? I look nervous. Ha!_

UNDERSTATEMENT took over my entire mind for a moment again. In the mirror the green eyed boy started slightly, no doubt surprised by having one loud thought take over his entire being yet again.

I heard a car pull up outside the house, I didn't move from the bed to check, but I hoped that it would be Carlisle. A mere instant after I heard the front door open, Carlisle was in front of me. He gasped, and I saw a look of utter bewilderment cross his face.

I stood to greet him; I found that it was much easier now I wasn't focusing so much on what I was doing.

"Edward?" Carlisle said hesitantly, as he began to approach me. The momentary relief I felt at seeing him disappeared, as a tidal wave of fear swept over me. I began to tremble at the sight of him and I felt my heart rate soar until it was crashing in my chest, the blood pounding in my ears as adrenaline hit my system.

"Yes…" I managed, terror snatching the rest of my words from my lips. My body had recognized the predator in the room, and was reacting as it should. If I needed any further confirmation that I had indeed become human again; this was it.

In the back of my mind, I was trying to reassure myself that there was nothing to be afraid of.

_It's Carlisle! Carlisle! He'll be so upset if he works out how afraid I am of him right now. I have to try and do this... Bella!_

I looked at her, and immediately felt calmed. She was totally relaxed around Carlisle, oblivious to the blindingly obvious risk he could prove to us both.

_I _knew_ there was something wrong with her, how can she be so calm in our presence… their presence. _Their_ presence… Oh my God._

She saw me looking at her, and on some level must have understood, as she walked over to me purposefully and took my hand. I gained strength from her as I gazed into her eyes, determined to display more bravery, now that she was by my side.

"Edward, can you tell me the last thing you remember before waking up this morning?" Carlisle asked me, in an alien musical voice; a voice that clearly belonged to a predator.

I involuntarily squeezed Bella's hand tightly. I could feel a sheen of sweat break out over my whole body, and I began to tremble. Wave after wave of fear crashed over my senses, the adrenaline repeatedly hitting my system, screaming at me to run.

_But I can't even run can I? I know that. If I had to run from Carlisle, he would catch me before I had even had the chance to make my first step. _

_Edward, stop, this is Carlisle!_

I could feel panic taking over, and I began to tremble even harder, my body urging me into a state of keen awareness, ready for fight or flight. This was something I recognised from my hunting days, the fight or flight urge, the fear, the panic. Oh the panic. The bitter taste in my mouth of adrenaline was increasing even more.

But then, oh, heaven. Bella reached out behind me and started to rub my shoulder in an effort to calm me. The delicious friction of her hand against my body distracted me enough to allow me to surface from the overwhelming emotions I was drowning in.

In that moment I saw Carlisle register my inner turmoil. I watched as the realization hit him, and the sorrow in his eyes gave me determination to at least try and speak to him here, now.

"Edward?" He had stopped walking towards me, no doubt in an effort to calm my fears. I looked at him, and tried my hardest to overrule my body's reaction. I tried to focus on my utter trust and respect for the man before me, who had been the only father I remembered for most of the last century.

"Uh... Right. I'm sorry Carlisle..."

_Really Edward, are you truly this inarticulate as a human? Maybe you have misjudged the entire human race, it appears to be a physical battle to control anything in this hormone and chemical riddled body you now seem to inhabit. _

I struggled to pull myself together for a moment; I took another deep breath and reveled in the _pleasure _of it before continuing.

"The last thing I remember… was humming Bella's lullaby to her and watching her drift off to sleep… But I… I definitely do not remember falling asleep. But there's nothing after that until I… Jesus. Until I woke up this morning."

I struggled with my memory for a moment, willing myself to remember the instant in which I had fallen asleep, but the harder I tried, the more confused I seemed to become. I suddenly became completely overwhelmed by frustration; I felt my consciousness scuttling around my reduced mind, searching for answers faster than my slowly firing synapses could cope with.

"I… I'm having trouble sorting through my thoughts Carlisle. My mind doesn't … it doesn't feel right. It's hard to concentrate." I took another deep breath, and sighed, finding that the action relaxed me slightly. I removed my hand from the bridge of my nose, realizing that I had moved it there unconsciously, as I often do when under pressure.

"Well..." Carlisle was speaking slowly, clearly trying to prevent me from becoming more alarmed than I already was, "…it would make sense to some extent. A human mind isn't capable of processing nearly as much information at once as you'd be used to. The transition from a vampire mind to a human one would probably feel extremely... claustrophobic. I imagine that it _would_ be very difficult to become accustomed to thinking within those confines again."

I considered what he was saying, it made sense, and I started to agree with him.

_Fascinating, I wonder whether if this is a permanent change for Edward. I would think he will find the transition rather difficult, but with Bella….._

It was with surprise that I suddenly realised that I could still hear Carlisle's thoughts, but my surprise quickly made way for something else.

_Aaaaah! Agony! Piercing my mind. His thoughts. LOUD! TOO LOUD! _

Everything was obliterated in my mind for a moment, except for the excruciating pain of Carlisle's thoughts, thundering through my brain like the four horseman of the apocalypse riding in on the flames of hell!

"Edward!" Bella was panicked beside me; her reaction made Carlisle's thoughts stop in their tracks and my mind was my own again. I could feel her holding me and trying to move me, but I stood my ground, she was trying to push me _closer _to Carlisle, something which my body would not allow.

I realised that I had to tell Carlisle what had happened, before it started again.

"I'm ok. I… ugh… Wait. Carlisle, _please _for the love of God, stop thinking."

I felt Bella tense at my side as I spoke, Carlisle's eyes registered surprise at first, which rapidly morphed into curiosity.

"Edward, can you still hear my thoughts?" he asked. I could hear him struggling internally to not voice any thoughts, so as not to cause me any further pain.

"I... I don't know. Sort of. I'm still picking up little bits, but it hurts like hell when I do. I don't think my mind is really equipped to handle this." The ringing in my ears confirmed this to me, and I pressed my hand to my forehead in an effort to quell the vibrations, seemingly still determined to knock me to the floor.

"If he's human why can he still hear your thoughts?" Bella's voice was so full of concern; I had turned my eyes to her before I even thought about it. Her features were contorted in worry, and I battled the urge to smooth out the worry line between her eyes with my finger. Now was not the time.

While I had been thinking about stroking Bella's face, Carlisle had suggested that my ability to read minds had existed before I was a vampire, something which I was fairly certain could not be the case.

"I'm pretty sure I don't recall ever hearing anyone's thoughts as a human." _That_ I would remember. The agony of Carlisle's thoughts now invading my tiny human mind was something which would have survived even the flames of the change.

"Maybe not, but I would guess that you now know _what_ to tune into, simply because you've been instinctively tuning into it for years. The ability was there, even as a human, you simply didn't know how to make use of it before. Now using the ability is second nature to you, so even as a human, remnants of the skill still remain. Or at least that's the best I can theorize with what I know." _Or you may not be quite as human as you once were, Edward._

_Agony_! Oh ouch. Ok, that wasn't as bad as last time, maybe I could get used to this. "It's okay... It took me a while to get used to it as a vampire; it may take me some time." I considered the thought which had just run through Carlisle's mind for a moment, "Carlisle, do you think that this could be permanent?"

"I don't know…" he sighed, as he looked at me sadly. I could understand the sorrow in his eyes as being for himself, perceiving that I may now be as lost to him as if I had in fact died, rather than been reborn. "Unless we can figure out what might have brought about this change, we'll have no way of knowing if it'll last or not. It's hard to imagine the transformation from vampire to human would be so sudden and simple that you could just fall asleep and wake up like this."

I saw his analytical mind working, as he tried to distance himself from the problem before him.

"The transformation from human to vampire is such a violent one… It's difficult to understand what could possibly happen to reverse the process, let alone reverse it so quickly and..."

"Painlessly," I concluded. Yes the agonies of the change were still burned into my memory even now, in my new human mind. Yet, this second change I seemed to have undergone had passed me by in a beautiful dream, wrapped in the shelter of my one true love.

"Yes, exactly." Carlisle cast his eyes back over towards mine, and I felt my body lurch beneath me again. As a fresh round of adrenaline was dumped into my system, I felt myself being overwhelmed by terror under the gaze of the predator, who I knew could cross the room and break my now fragile flesh in half before I had even registered his intent.

"Edward... I think I'd like to get a blood sample from you, if that would be okay with you."

_Oh my God he wants to touch me. I don't think I can let him get any closer to me than this without screaming. _

_Oh come on, man up Edward, this is Carlisle, if you get upset so will Bella. There is nothing to be afraid of. _

But my new body knew better, was wiser than logic, or the sense I was speaking internally. It screamed at me to run.

"I think it'd probably be best if you spent the rest of the day with Bella though… while I go over the sample." Carlisle looked sad but understanding. It upset me so much, to know how much I was hurting him, but still my logical mind could not overrule my new and powerful self preservation instincts.

I made myself focus on the last part of his sentence, Bella. I could spend today with Bella. My beautiful angel, Bella. She will love me, and protect me through all of this.

Protect me?_ Shit. I'm glad I didn't even _think_ that with Emmett in the room, I'm sure he would have known… _somehow_._

I watched as Carlisle prepared to take my blood sample, I watched as he unpacked the equipment he would need, and it suddenly struck me how slowly he was moving. None of us ever bothered to hide what we were in front of Bella anymore…

_He's moving so slowly so as not to alarm ME! Oh good grief!_

Unfortunately it wasn't working. Dread had settled over me, and was controlling my every action. I clung to Bella's hand as if my life depended on it. Rather than calming me, the fact that she was so relaxed in his presence only made me feel more alarmed; for her welfare as well as my own. I saw Carlisle was almost ready, and tried to prepare myself for what must be next.

"Edward, can you do this?" I could sense how hard he was trying to make me relax, but it wasn't working, "I really think it's important that I get this sample."

I locked down every muscle in my body in determination, mentally everything inside me was screaming at me to run, but I was determined not to show myself up entirely in front of Bella. "Do it quick. I don't care if it hurts… Just do it quickly and… And please leave."

I closed my eyes tightly, and tried to ignore the gut clenching sensation of Carlisle's cold hands touching me, as he took the blood sample. It took every ounce of strength I had not to run screaming from the room, and I could feel myself shaking with the effort.

Finally he finished, and I heard him call to Bella. In the moment that I felt her soft, warm hands take over from his, I felt the weight lift off of my chest significantly, and I opened my eyes to be met by hers.

_Thank God._

"Edward," Carlisle said. I could hear something coming in his voice that I wasn't going to like, "is it alright if I speak with Bella for a moment, out in the hall?"

_No! No it is not alright! Get away from her! _

I shouted at him internally, but my logical mind won control over my body, and I managed a stiff nod. I squeezed her hand, unwilling to let her go, but I allowed her to leave without argument.

Again I strained to hear what was happening, but after a few quiet footsteps I heard nothing else from outside in the hallway.

I stood still for a few moments, my heart racing in panic at the thought of Bella, alone and unprotected with Carlisle. I knew that he would never hurt her; she was probably safer with him than she had ever been with me. After all, his control was far more practiced than mine, and her blood did not call to him as it did to me.

But still… Accidents happen. A moment of thoughtlessness on his part and she could shatter like glass, taken from me forever.

_But this is Carlisle! You trust him more than you have ever trusted anybody. He won't hurt her. _

I sank to the bed with my head in my hands, my inner war continuing. My instincts were still strong; flooding my body with fresh bursts of adrenaline every couple of minutes, every time my heart rate increasing again as my body prepared for fight or flight. It was exhausting.

Logically, my mind was working hard to convince my body that I had nothing to fear. This was _Carlisle_.

I groaned; it was impossible for me to pretend that I had not seen the hurt in his face as I had asked him to leave. He must have felt awful.

_I know I feel awful._

I stayed that way, on the edge of the bed for several minutes, waiting for Bella to return. As my heart rate slowly returned to normal, with Carlisle safely out of sight, I became more and more distraught about the way I had treated him. My actions had truly been inexcusable, my utter rejection of the man I had come to love and respect as my father, was nothing but despicable.

When Bella came in, I could not bring myself to look at her, overwhelmed by shame at how I had just behaved.

"I'm horrible," I mumbled.

"What? No you're not. What are you talking ab-" Bella was trying to make me feel better, of course. She would forgive me anything it seemed, but I could not bring myself to allow her to.

"Bella… Please… You know what I'm talking about. I can't believe I behaved so appallingly."

"Edward, Carlisle understands. It's not something that you could really control." I could hear such kindness in her voice; it made me feel worse as I knew that I didn't deserve it.

"You're never like that around them." _Them? So easily I detach myself from my family of nearly a century. I suddenly feel very alone._

"Well, I think we have already established that I'm a freak among humans."

"I know… I KNOW that Carlisle would never… I know it. But I still couldn't… I was just so… so terrified Bella… I… I don't recall ever feeling fear like that. Ever." I felt ashamed confessing this to her, of all people. How would her regard for me change now that I was no longer her fearless protector? I still could not bring myself to look at her, unable to bear seeing any kind of rejection of me in her eyes.

"Well…" I heard her moving, and felt the bed give behind me. She wrapped her warm arms around my chest and pushed her chest into my back. I was instantly in heaven when I felt her warm breath on the nape of my neck, as she continued to speak. "For being so horribly afraid, I'd say you handled it pretty well."

I blew my breath between my lips in an unrecognizable noise. Being in her arms like this felt like heaven on earth, all of my worries faded away and I relaxed into her, holding her hands around me and leaning back against her shoulder. "This is nice."

She didn't speak again as I relaxed further against her. The sheer pleasure of being in her warm embrace, appreciating her natural fragrance without any burn, was behaving like a drug; calming me despite all of my better instincts. I began to wonder of this could really be true.

_Could I really be human? Really, truly and fully human? If so, could it be permanent? Or am I destined to have Heaven, only to have it taken from me again, to maybe even suffer the change again?_

My mind wandered, not for the first time, to fate. I had envisioned fate many times over my torturous existence, sometimes as an Angel, sometimes a Harpy, which was the truth? Only time would tell if I had received the greatest gift of my existence – my _life, _or if in fact another cruel blow simply waited for me in the wings. I had time to send a silent prayer; to the God I couldn't help but believe in today, before Bella disturbed me from my reverie.

"Carlisle thinks that it'd be a good idea for us to get a hotel for the night."

All of the possible connotations of that simple sentence flew through my brain at, it seemed, lightning speed; leaving me shocked. Not at Bella's comment, as her innocent expression left me in no doubt of her meaning, but at my own dirty mind. There was certainly no doubt that I had indeed become a teenage boy in every way, and my creative imagination left me speechless for a moment.

Bella suddenly flushed a stunning rose colour, and I enjoyed it immensely. "I ahhh… I mean, so you have somewhere to stay. I'm not sure I can hide you here when Charlie gets home, and Carlisle didn't think you'd be comfortable going home at all…"

I smiled, to reassure her that I understood her perfectly, and she stunned me with a beautifully warm smile back. I hid my embarrassment at my own thoughts, glad that I was the one who could read minds.

"I'm gonna tell Charlie that I'm spending the night with Alice. That way I can come with you. I… I still don't know what we'll do for tomorrow night, but I guess we can try and figure that out at the hotel…" She was still blushing, and I pressed my cheek to hers, enjoying the heat, even against my newly human skin.

We sat back together, unspeaking for a while, as Bella allowed me to my own thoughts. I did not let go of her hands. I could not, they were a constant reminder of what I had become, and I couldn't bear to let them go even for an instant. The possibilities that now seemed to have been opened to me were endless, and I reveled in daydreams of a life, a job, and Bella.

I had not allowed myself to ever do anything but live in the moment with Bella; waiting for the time that my love had grown enough, that I would be able to leave her. We had had the most wonderful summer of my existence, the most wonderful summer any two people had ever had, and I feared that I was nearing the point where I would have to leave.

It was late August, and we were going back to school in two weeks, so every single day had become invaluable to me. To be treasured, remembered forever, saved for a time when I must leave to allow her to pick up her life as if I had never disturbed it.

_But what about now? If I am really and truly human, that is no longer the case. I can give Bella everything she ever wants, everything she deserves. A real life, a husband… children? I have no need to leave her. I can stay and love her forever… If she'll have me._

_What if Bella no longer wants me?_

As the thought crossed my mind, I felt a hard clench in my heart, as if it might rip from my chest.

_What if Bella's attraction to me is inextricably linked to the vampire? Maybe the softened human now in her arms will not be enough to hold her love-_

_What was that? _

Bella dissolved into laughter behind me, and began to pull away from our embrace. "It sounds like it's time to feed the humans, Edward."

"What?"

"Your stomach is rumbling. Aren't you starving? I know I am, it's nearly eleven o'clock, if we don't have some breakfast now, then it won't be worth the bother."

"I don't know…" My stomach felt uncomfortable, nearly painful but not quite, definitely empty. "What do you eat for breakfast?" The idea was foreign to me; human food had disgusted me for so long, that the idea of eating it now was not appealing.

"Why don't you come with me, and we'll see what we can rustle up?" Bella took my hand and helped me off the bed.

As we made our way downstairs towards the kitchen, my stomach rumbled again.

* * *

A/N – I'm not a fan of stories that endlessly repeat the same scenes from different points of view, but just this once I felt we really needed to see how Edward was feeling in all of this, it's really his story after all. From now on there might be bits and pieces repeated as the points of view change, but not very much.

So tell me, what do you think Edward would like for breakfast ;)?


	3. Being Human

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight! I do own lots of dirty daydreams about Edward though….

There are some citrusy moments in this chapter, so I'm afraid it's the end of the road if you're not up for that……

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**Bella**

The expression on Edward's face as he sat at the kitchen table could only be described as comical. He sat up very straight, with his knees together and his fingers pulled into a steeple in front of him. He was looking at me expectantly, like a small child waiting for his dinner.

"So, what do you think you would like to eat Edward?" I couldn't help but grin as he pursed his lips together in concentration.

"Don't you usually have cereal?"

"Yes, would you like the same?"

"I think so, yes, I'll have whatever you're having." He was watching me closely as I walked around the room gathering items for our breakfast; I suspected he was concerned about his first taste of human food in ninety years.

To minimize confusion I poured Edward's cereal for him at the same time as mine, added the milk and passed him a spoon. He sat looking at it as I began to eat.

"What does it taste like?" He was still looking at the bowl of food in front of him; he had made no effort to pick up the spoon.

"I don't know; cereal. It's difficult to explain to someone who doesn't know what anything tastes like…." Come on Edward, just take a bite, you'll be ok.

He scooped up a couple of cheerios on his spoon and eyed them suspiciously. "These look rather…. Soggy."

Yes dear, they have milk on them. "That's how it's supposed to look Edward, give it a try, honestly, it tastes good."

He popped the spoon into his mouth and chewed the cereal thoughtfully for a moment. Then he burst into an enormous grin. "That was….. delicious!" He started to eat more quickly, scooping up large spoonfuls and gobbling them down.

Thank goodness for that, I really wasn't sure how we were going to hunt down a grizzly bear between the two of us.

As soon as he was finished his cereal Edward got up and walked over to the fridge. "What else is there?"

"Erm, I don't know…. I need to go shopping…. Bacon?"

"Bacon sounds good." He reached into the fridge and dug out the packet.

"No, no wait, I have to cook it!" I snatched the piece out of his hand he was about to eat raw and went to look for a frying pan, meanwhile Edward continued his investigation of the fridge.

"Is this an egg?"

"Yes dear." This could be a _really _long morning.

"Can I eat it?"

"Give it to me…..." Edward came and stood by me as I cooked his bacon and egg, clearly fascinated. He has clearly never paid attention before when I've been cooking.

While I worked, with him otherwise distracted beside me, I took the chance to examine him in the brighter daylight in the kitchen. Upstairs I had been so completely amazed by his green eyes I hadn't really absorbed the other changes in his appearance since he had……. changed.

His chin and jaw appeared softer and less defined, his complexion was warmer, his skin tone was now darker than mine! I knew I was part albino... Overall I decided he looked younger, the roundness in his cheeks making him look decidedly cute. I had never thought of cute as a word to describe Edward before! He was still beautiful though, maybe more so than he was before, the vulnerability of his humanity only adding to his attraction.

I felt my heart soar in my chest as I looked at him, even more so than usual. Why is that? As I caught his eye and he smiled at me I realised the truth. This Edward is not the fantastical creature I fell in love with; he's flesh and blood just like me. Maybe that means I will be enough to hold this Edward, maybe a man such as this might actually be destined for me. Maybe I get to keep him.

I turned off the hob and was about to dish up Edward's second breakfast of the morning when he reached out and took my hand in his.

"What are you thinking?" He was smiling, but I could see worry in his eyes.

"I'm thinking about how different you look, I hadn't really noticed upstairs." I reached up with the hand he wasn't holding and touched his cheek. "You look younger."

"I still feel like me Bella, I'm still the same." His face had fallen at my words and I realised that he looked quite upset.

"Edward, don't be silly. You're not the same." His eyes dropped from mine and my heart broke ever so slightly that he would misunderstand me so easily. "You're so much better."

"Really?" A wide grin broke out across his face as he looked back into my eyes. Suddenly I found myself letting go of every final doubt I held about us, I felt as if I had fallen in love with him all over again in that brief second.

"Yes, really."

He leaned in and gently pressed his lips to mine, in our usual chaste kiss. He pulled away quickly, but only by a tiny distance.

"Bella…" His lips were only an inch from mine, and as he spoke his warm breath fanned across my face.

My heart began to pound as he leaned in again to kiss me, this time tipping his face to one side to prevent our noses from colliding. He opened his mouth slightly against mine, and I felt his tongue tentatively touch my lips. I opened my mouth to grant him entry and gasped as his tongue met mine, gently caressing it, slowly, almost shyly.

I slid the hand that was on his face round and into his hair, pulling his face closer to mine. As I did he mirrored my action, winding his hand into my hair and pulling us even more firmly together.

He groaned as our tongues began to move more urgently against each other. Neither of us wanting to pull away; we gasped for breath without moving from each other's mouths. Moving suddenly he wrapped his other hand around my waist and pulled my body closer to his, almost roughly. I felt a shudder run down my spine at the feel of his body pressed to mine, our hearts beating in rhythm against each other.

His hand moved behind me, sliding down from my waist into the small of my back, pressing me firmly against him as it moved. Our hips were pushed together and I suddenly became aware of his arousal against my hip.

As if breaking a spell, he suddenly pulled away from me, leaning his forehead down on mine.

"I'm… I'm sorry Bella." He was still gasping for breath and I could feel him trembling in my arms.

"What for? Don't be sorry Edward." I moved the hand that was still in his hair round and cupped his face.

"That was rude, I….. I…." He looked at me and I smiled at the shocked look on his face.

I leant up on my tip toes and pressed my lips against his. This time there was no hesitation and our mouths opened against each other's immediately. He groaned as he thrust his tongue into my mouth and our arms tightened around each other again.

This time I pulled away, aware that any moment I was going to lose control and grind my hips against his. I think that might just give him a heart attack……

"I have wanted to do that for a _really_ long time." I said; smiling as his shocked expression faded into a grin.

"Bella, you have absolutely _no _idea."

We stayed like that for a moment, gazing into each other's eyes, both wearing silly looks on our faces. My heart was still racing, and I was fighting the urge to continue our kiss.

"Your food's getting cold." And I need a cold shower, _right now._

"Ah, yes, breakfast." He placed one more small kiss on my lips before he broke away to sit down at the table. My arms felt empty without him, longing for his return.

I dished up Edward's food which, after he had done with raiding the fridge, turned into bacon, eggs, sausages, baked beans, tomatoes and toast. The plate was piled high with food, and Edward's eager expression made me smile as I set it down in front of him.

"I'm going to go and have a shower while you eat that. Do you need anything else?" I was amused to see that there was no hesitation this time, a large forkful of bacon and egg going into his mouth before the plate had even hit the table.

"No... Oh, wait! I haven't got any clothes with me, I was going to go home this morning and change…." He spoke with his mouth full, but realizing his faux pas smiled apologetically. He swallowed before he continued. "I'm not sure I want to do that now….." He grimaced, clearly at the thought of returning home to the house full of vampires.

"We can always go shopping this morning; we could go up to Port Angeles or something."

Before he could reply the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it, you stay here and eat." I said as he grinned at me.

I opened the door to find no one there. Instead there was a large, black, expensive looking suitcase on the doormat. On top there was a note in handwriting I recognised.

_**It's ok Bella, he'll call us when he's ready to, don't push it. Look after him for us. Alice**_

"I don't think we need to go shopping." I called to him as I dragged it into the house. This thing weighs a ton, what's she packed for him, house bricks?

I stuck my head back into the kitchen, only to find Edward still eating, not having moved from his seat.

"I'm going for a shower, I'll see you in a few minutes, ok?"

"Ok." He looked up and smiled at me warmly. As I went upstairs I was daydreaming about our kiss.

**Edward**

I could hear that Bella was clearly struggling with something at the front door, but I didn't dare stand to help her with it. I cursed my hormone addled body, but there was no way I was leaving my seat with Bella still in the vicinity, not until I had regained control of my overactive imagination and misbehaving body.

Bella appeared back in the doorway looking indecently beautiful, her skin still flushed from our earlier kiss, "I'm going for a shower, I'll see you in a few minutes, ok?"

"Ok." Hurry back my love.

Hmmmmm. Oh dear God I love food.

The huge plate of breakfast that Bella had made for me was disappearing fast, and I couldn't seem to get enough of it. The flavours were all so different, everything with its own particular taste and texture. Even on the plate in front of me the variety was overwhelming. All too soon it was all gone, but I wasn't ready to finish with breakfast just yet.

I wandered over to the fridge and began to investigate the contents.

What's this…. a yellow brick….. weird texture….. cheese. Let's have a little taste. I took a bite out of the block of cheese I found in the fridge, and found myself in heaven again. Wow! I took another bite, then put it down on the kitchen table spurred on to continue with my investigation.

Oooh… this looks a bit like cheese, greasier texture though…. Urg, yuk. Too greasy, blech.

I ran and spat the foul grease out of my mouth into the sink. I was glad that no one else had been around to see me behave with such little decorum. The yellowish block of fat glared at me from where I had left it on the kitchen work surface, I wasn't sure what it was doing in the fridge, surely humans didn't like to eat that kind of thing did they?

Not put off I returned to the fridge and was glad to find that I did recognise some of the things in there. I found I immensely enjoyed the cooked chicken, and the fruit yoghurts which had a weird texture but tasted divine. I did not particularly enjoy the long dark green vegetable that I couldn't put a name to, but I supposed it would serve a purpose, being both nutritious and fibrous.

I found some left-overs in plastic containers and tried those as well. The box labeled "casserole" was very tasty, and I ate all of it quite quickly. Excited to see what other wonders were held in Bella's Tupperware boxes I tried another marked "chilli". This box was a mistake however; in fact I had to run to the sink again, this time to run my tongue under the tap to alleviate the horrible burning sensation on it. No, I did not like "chilli".

Once I had tried everything in the fridge I made for the freezer. I had seen Bella digging around in here fairly regularly, but she did seem to cook everything she found before eating it. I thought I'd take a look anyway, maybe she would cook anything I liked the look of for my lunch. I looked at my watch, it was 11.45, surely once she had finished with her shower we could argue that it was lunch time?

I started looking through the freezer. Hmmm, there seems to be an inordinate number of fish in here. How many fish can a human eat at once anyway? Disappointment washed over me when I found that nothing in the freezer looked very appetising, until I spied a familiar looking tub over in the far right hand corner.

Aaahh, Ben & Jerry's. I recognise this; Bella is very partial to it. I wandered over to the kitchen drawer and dug out a spoon.

Still standing I tried to spoon out some of the ice cream, it was very hard. I finally worked out how to scrape some off of the top and tried it while still standing by the cutlery drawer.

Ohhhhhhh. Oh! I see why humans go on about chocolate so much. Oh my dear God that's good. I groaned in pleasure as the delicious cold chocolate melted against my tongue. I scraped out another spoonful and stuffed it greedily into my mouth, luxuriating in the pleasure as the chocolaty goodness melted and trickled down my throat.

Oh! What's that?

Suddenly I felt my jeans tighten, I looked down in surprise as a definite bulge appeared at my groin. I groaned again, this time in embarrassment. In 90 years of perfect vampire control this kind of problem was not something I had ever had to deal with, yet this was the second time in a handful of minutes.

Ok, so how do I make this go away? I took another spoonful of ice cream and groaned again. My space problem in my jeans worsened.

Shit. Right. No more ice cream.

Think about something else. I put down the ice cream on the counter and walked across the room. What else can I think about to distract me? Bella… upstairs in the shower…..

Ohhhhhhh! No! Not Bella! Not Bella…... Think about something else! Emmett. Yes that's working, Emmett…… in a bikini…… Emmett in a bikini…….. dancing….. Alright. That's better. Phew.

I went to the ice cream and shoved it back in the freezer without looking at it again. Is that why there's an obesity problem in the US? I have to say, eating ice cream suddenly makes a whole _hell_ of a lot of sense.

"Edward?" I jumped, startled. Bella had appeared in the kitchen doorway while I put the ice cream away. I really couldn't get used to being crept up on. "What have you been doing??!"

I glanced downwards quickly, nothing there to cause any embarrassment. Thank God. "Whatever do you mean Bella?" There, that was good, relaxed.

"I mean my kitchen looks like a bear got in here!" She was grinning at me now with her hands on her hips, her soft, round hips…. Oh, ok, don't do that Edward, not unless you want another Ben & Jerry's incident.

"Oh. Sorry!" I looked around the room. The fridge and freezer doors were open; there was partially eaten food all over the table and work surfaces. I felt my face colour with embarrassment when I realised what a mess I had made.

Meanwhile Bella was examining the items of food I had been tasting in her absence. "Are there really teeth marks in the cheese Edward?" She was laughing at me, and I couldn't help but join her. Most of the things she was picking up and examining had bite marks in them, as if a Neanderthal had been wandering the kitchen. I scolded myself mentally; I really knew better than that, even not having eaten human food in 90 years.

"And the lard! Oh…… Edward….. that must…. have been….. disgusting." Bella was losing the ability to talk she was laughing so hard now, and without telling me where she was going she walked out of the kitchen.

In a moment she was back with an ancient looking camera, and she immediately started taking photographs of the kitchen, the chewed food and finally me.

"I'm sorry," She spluttered, struggling to keep a straight face. "This is just too good. Whatever happens you're going to want to be able to show this to your family some day. Emmett will just kill himself laughing."

I frowned at the thought of showing Emmett the consequences of my actions this morning, but couldn't maintain my irritation. Bella was still laughing, but had begun to clear up the mess I had made.

"Let me help you Bella." I said as I made for the fridge, fully intending on putting everything back where it came from.

"No…. no… don't worry, you're going to have to learn this some time; this is _my _kitchen Edward, I'll sort it out." She was still intermittently spluttering as she busied herself, examining each item of food individually before either throwing it away or putting it back in the fridge. "I really need to go to the store now."

"Sorry…."

"Don't worry; it was so totally worth it." She stopped her tidying for a moment and looked at me shrewdly, "Why don't you go and have a shower and get changed while I do this? We have some things to do today….."

I left her still alternating between giggling and tidying and made my way into the hall. I felt my stomach lurch uncomfortably as I walked, and I decided that maybe I'd skip lunch for today.

Alice had packed her biggest suitcase full of my things, which was now sitting at the bottom of the stairs. I leant down casually to pick it up.

Holy crap! What's in this thing, it weighs a ton!

I struggled my way upstairs with it, stopping several times to catch my breath. By the time I reached the top both of my legs were certainly black and blue, and I was cursing Alice's name under my breath. I envisioned her carrying it to Bella's front door, one handed as if it was as light as a feather, and my newfound weakness suddenly struck me. How am I going to cope with being a weak human again? I can hardly carry a big suitcase up the stairs!

I opened the case on the landing, feeling it would be presumptuous to take it into Bella's bedroom. I could understand why it was so heavy; Alice had managed to pack my entire wardrobe, as well as a large washbag and a selection of my favourite CDs. When I thought about all of the care and consideration that had gone into everything in my bag my heart ached for my sister for a moment. I missed her already.

I shook my head to clear it. Right, first things first, time for a shower. I leant down and sniffed myself, I smelled. No wonder Bella sent me up here……

I grabbed my washbag and made for the bathroom. Oh dear God…..

As soon as I entered the bathroom I was assaulted by Bella's scent, magnified a hundred times by the steam left over from her shower a few moments ago. My head spun as I leant in the doorway, wondering if I really needed to do this right now. I leant down and sniffed my armpit again, hmmmm, yes definitely need to do this _right now._

I undressed quickly and slipped into the shower, the water already running warm from Bella being up here just a few moments ago. I quickly washed my hair, desperately trying to ignore my growing problem. Bella's fragrance was still overpowering me, and try as I might I was completely unable to stop myself thinking about the fact that she had been standing naked in this very spot only a few moments ago.

Just ignore it….. The warm water cascading over my shoulders was not helping, and as I began to soap myself I reached down and palmed my cock against my body for some relief from the ache I had been feeling pretty much since I had woken up this morning.

How to make it go away……. I started thinking about Emmett again, only this time it wasn't working. Ok, now I'm standing holding my cock thinking about my brother….. argh!

I pushed against myself harder and my hips bucked involuntarily under my hand. I groaned. There is one surefire way to deal with this issue for now…….

No! Have some restraint Edward, God, you've been human for all of two hours and your mind is already being dictated to by your cock.

I suddenly felt another wave of sympathy for the male population of High School, who I had judged so harshly for the last God knows how many years. If they were all as hormone addled as I'd been this morning it's a miracle more of them aren't acting on the disturbing fantasies I was always near constantly accosted by during school hours.

I started to squeeze my cock more rhythmically, moving up and down the shaft, twisting the head gently. I closed my eyes and leant my other arm and forehead against the shower wall, bracing myself as my hips began to buck in time with my hand. I let myself picture Bella in the shower beside me, naked and beautiful, water running down her body…. Over her breasts…..

My breath started to catch as my fist pumped my cock harder, my hips bucking as I imagined Bella against me, running her hands down my body, pressing her hips against mine…..

"Urgh…. God…… Bella…" I grunted as I came hard in my hand, my hips thrashing wildly. My legs gave out beneath me as I fell over the edge and I fell to my knees in the shower, knocking bottles off of the shelf beside me with a crash.

I panted on the floor of the shower for a moment; shocked at the power of my orgasm. I had had to do this once or twice in the last few months, my vampire control dealing with my urges mostly, but it had never felt so….. so necessary.

Suddenly there was a banging on the bathroom door. "Edward! Edward, are you ok?" Bella's voice was high with what sounded like panic.

"Yes! Don't come in! I'm naked!" My voice came out a nervous squeak. Nice Edward, very manly….

"I heard a crash?" Why wasn't she going away?

"I know, I knocked some things over, I guess I'm klutzy as a human. I'm fine Bella, I'll be out in a bit." I managed to make my voice sound more relaxed this time, despite the fact I was still on my knees, unable yet to find the strength to stand.

"Ok, give me a shout if you need me." Oh if only you knew Bella.

I grinned to myself as dirty thoughts started to accost me again. Oh no you don't. I stood and twisted the tap round to cold, finishing my shower under an icy blast.

I jumped out of the shower as quickly as I could, finding that my tolerance to the cold was virtually zero nowadays. I wrapped myself in a towel and went to look at myself in the mirror.

I ran my hand over my face, examining the scrappy stubble that had appeared overnight. I started to dig through my washbag hoping Alice had foreseen this thought…… Shit, had she seen what just happened in the shower?

I watched with fascination as the boy in the mirror blushed furiously. I closed my eyes and shook my head, trying to dismiss the thought. It wasn't like I hadn't seen her doing much worse in her own mind.

I went back to what I was doing and quickly pulled out a can of shaving foam, which had been sitting in the top of the bag, attached to it was a post it note from Alice.

_**Rub on your face first**_

Yes, thank you Alice….

Next I pulled out another item, a new razor in a box, this time it had several notes attached to it.

_**Be careful Edward, this is sharp**_

"You don't say Alice..." I muttered to myself as I pulled the note off of the razor box. Did everybody think I had become an idiot as well as a human? Beneath it I found a second note.

_**I mean it Edward, be careful**_

"Oh, give it a rest…" I was quickly becoming irritated by my little sister's helpful notes. I ripped this one off violently, only to find a third beneath it.

_**Ok, on your head be it.**_

I was scowling as I began to furiously rub shaving foam into my face. Stupid know it all Alice. Thinks she knows everything. Thinks I'm some kind of moron.

While still mentally grumbling I started to shave, moving the razor too quickly against my skin.

"Ouch! Shit!" I watched as a dribble of blood ran down my chin and began to drip into the sink. Well marvelous. Fucking know it all psychic.

Curiosity getting the better of me, I wiped my finger over the blood running down my chin. I sniffed it, and then put my finger in my mouth, wondering whether I would feel any burn over my own blood.

Instead my nose wrinkled with disgust, the salty taste of the blood nothing like the sweet flavor I had been expecting. I spat it back out into the sink, the drips of blood still making their way down my chin now making me feel a little ill.

Abandoning all thoughts of shaving I washed the rest of the shaving foam off of my face and staunched the bleeding on my chin against a towel. I realised that despite the blood my cut was actually quite small.

Maybe Bella will like a more rugged look? My thoughts were vaguely considering how much damage I could possibly do to myself with an electric razor when I found Alice's next present for me in my wash bag. I pulled out a tube of toothpaste and a toothbrush, which again had a post it note on it.

_**Ask Bella if you can't work it out for yourself. You won't listen to me anyway.**_

I couldn't help but grin to myself, Alice had most definitely seen the entire scene this morning, and in her own way was still being my sister for me. I must find a way to be able to see her soon, I don't know what I'd do without her.

Fortunately I had seen Bella brush her teeth plenty of times, so that passed without incident. I packed everything back into my washbag when I finished, and made to leave, before I realised there was one part of being human I had not addressed yet….

With a sigh I turned back into the bathroom, and hoped for the best.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N – So, that's where I've got to for now. What do you think? Are you interested?

Please leave me a review and let me know your thoughts, it really does make the process that bit more enjoyable for me, and inevitably leads to me being more productive……

Meanwhile, I hope Edward doesn't mind that I've left him all wet and naked until the next time ;).

Ria


	4. What Control?

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight! I do own 2 tubs of Ben & Jerry's though……

**Bella**

I sat in my room waiting for Edward to finish in the bathroom, still chuckling to myself intermittently about his shenanigans in the kitchen. I honestly couldn't wait to show his family the photos of the mess he had made, and how sheepish he'd looked. But while I was imagining Emmett's reaction, my face fell. How long until that will be able to happen though?

I felt a wave of sadness hit me at the hole in our lives that not being able to see the rest of Edward's family was going to leave. If I was honest I was beginning to view them as my family as well, and I loved every single one of them. Well, maybe _love _is a bit strong for Rosalie, _like_ despite the utter contempt she always shows for me maybe covers it better…..

I looked out of the window. I was sitting on the bed in a stream of sunlight and outside it was a beautiful late summer's day, one of the sunniest we had had for a while. Most of the summer had been cloudy and grey, perfect for Edward, but it was as if today the sun had come out in celebration for us.

We had been planning on spending the day with the rest of the Cullens, avoiding the sunlight that Alice had already foreseen along with the rest of them. I was wondering what we should do instead when Edward's cell phone, which he had left on my bedside table, began to ring. The caller display simply said "Alice".

I picked it up, certain that she knew that I would be the one to answer.

"Hello Alice."

"Bella! How is he?"

"Ok I think, he seems quite clumsy at the moment though, there was just the most enormous crash in the bathroom and he's been in there ages…." I guess it is all a bit new for him though….

"Don't worry he just had…... a bit of a surprise. He'll be out in exactly four minutes. Have you tidied up the kitchen?" She giggled down the phone at me, and I realised she had seen the mess he had left me downstairs.

"Yes, I honestly don't know how he wasn't sick; he's eaten me out of house and home Alice!" I whined, then I grinned as I realised how many other people I'd heard say similar things about feeding teenage boys.

"He'll be fine Bella. Listen, I need to tell you something. I know you're missing us, and wondering when you can come and visit, but I meant it when I said to wait for him to do it when he's ready." Her tone became serious and I frowned. Are we really on our own then?

"Alice, I don't know what to do, I mean…. I don't know what I mean really." I felt quite overwhelmed; Edward had seemed almost lost earlier, looking to me to look after him. How was I supposed to do that without anyone else to help me?

"You'll be fine, nothing's really changed Bella, enjoy Edward as he is for now, he'll be back to his usual controlling ways soon enough. Just make sure he remembers how different all of his reactions are today, it's going to take some getting used to for him. Going shopping for a bit today will be fine, but take an umbrella." I looked outside at the glorious sunshine and scowled, I knew it was too good to last.

"Alice," I was suddenly curious, "Did you see this happening?"

"I did, yesterday evening; it came out of nowhere. I was with Jasper at the time but I didn't tell him what I'd seen. By then it was too late to stop it even if we'd wanted to, and I'm fairly certain Edward wouldn't have wanted to."

"Did you see why it happened? How has he suddenly become human?" I paused for a moment, thinking, "We really need to find out what happened sooner rather than later, if only to try and work out if it's permanent or not." God I hope it's permanent.

"No, I just suddenly saw him that way, waking up in bed with you today. I avoided the house until this morning; by the time I got home Carlisle was already on his way to see you."

"How is everyone? How's Esme taking it?" I suddenly realised that to his family Edward could be almost completely lost. If he were unable to be in the same room as Carlisle without wanting to make a run for it, how would he cope with Emmett? I couldn't resist grinning as a mental image of Edward appeared to me, warm and soft and _human._

"Esme's a bit upset, but to be honest it all feels so unreal right now I don't think any of us quite know what to make of it. Only Carlisle's actually seen him of course, but he's been very quiet since he got back." She still sounded her usual cheery self, but I knew Alice would be terribly hurt if she lost Edward from her life.

"Is it permanent? Do you know?"

"I can't see him waking up anytime soon and suddenly being a vampire again, but I can't see him as clearly now as I used to, now he's human."

"Oh…"

"You'd better go Bella, he'll be out in a minute and you don't want to miss that. Remember, I'm just a phone call away."

"Bye Alice."

The phone went dead in my hand and I put it back down beside me. I chewed on my bottom lip as I stood and walked out onto the landing. What had happened yesterday evening?

I heard the bathroom door open and looked up, only to be met by Edward wearing nothing but a towel. His hair was dark and wet, curling loosely across his forehead, his skin was flushed from the heat of the shower and looked ruddy and damp. My eyes travelled down to his chest, which despite his new humanity was still muscular, with a soft smattering of bronze coloured hair running down to his navel. The towel was hanging low around his waist, revealing his hipbones and as my eyes reached them I gulped improbably loudly.

"I… I didn't think to take any clothes in with me." He looked nervous, and I realised I was staring at him.

I tried to move but I was rooted to the spot. I had never seen Edward in any state of undress at all. The very idea had always been so far outside of the boundaries he had drawn up for our physical relationship that it had never even occurred to me to mind. Now I realised that I really should have minded. God he was beautiful, I wondered for a moment if I was actually drooling?

I closed my eyes and shook my head slightly "Sorry, I… Do you want to come in my bedroom? I mean to get dressed….. I mean…." Even with my eyes closed I could still see Edward's gorgeous naked chest and stomach in front of me, the vision seemed to have been seared onto my eyeballs. My breath caught as my mind focused on the trail of fine hair leading down from his beneath his navel to under his towel… Bella, get a grip!

"Uh…. just let me grab some clothes and I'll change in the bathroom." He shuffled about in the case in front of me for a second, but it was only when I heard the latch on the bathroom door close again that I was able to open my eyes.

Without thinking I made for the stairs and ran down them heading for the kitchen, as far away as I could get from the irresistible naked boy in my bathroom without actually leaving the building.

I pottered around aimlessly, waiting for Edward to come downstairs. I hoped I hadn't completely embarrassed him with my undisguised ogling before, but to be quite honest the part of my brain that usually allowed me to be around other people seemed to have gone into meltdown at the sight of him. I felt myself flush a bright red when I remembered my reaction to him in only his towel. What on earth must he have thought of me? The poor guy's going through something completely insane and all I can do is gawp at him. I shook my head and tried to dismiss the images still seared into my brain; just pretend it never happened Bella….

I decided that getting out of the house would help distract me, so I busied myself with writing a shopping list while I waited.

"Bella?" He appeared in the doorway a few minutes later, a shy smile on his face. He had dressed in dark jeans and a tight white T shirt. I tried not to notice quite how sexy his hair looked, still damp from the shower.

"Edward," I wanted to walk towards him, but I made myself stay where I was. I didn't want him to think I was crazed, even though today, I decided, I seemed to be. "Are you ready to head out; I really need to do some shopping…. You might even enjoy it this time."

His grin told me that he thought that this time he just might.

"You might want to take a jacket though; Alice says it's going to rain."

"You spoke to Alice?" A mixture of emotions crossed his face, and I reminded myself to tread carefully.

"Yes, she wanted to see how you were doing."

"Did she…" He paused for a moment and I waited for him to continue, "Say anything interesting?" He looked nervous and I wished I had more to tell him.

"She saw this happening, but only yesterday evening…. She doesn't know why." I shrugged my shoulders slightly and watched as he thought through what I'd said.

After a few moments his demeanor changed suddenly, "Shall we go?"

"Ok. I can't really leave Charlie this evening with nothing for his dinner but some cheese and a partially chewed cucumber." I couldn't help but grin as the sheepish look returned to his face.

"I'll drive." Edward called over his shoulder as he headed for the door.

"I know." I muttered, before I realised that this time he probably hadn't heard me.

My poor truck had suffered a lot of Edward's driving over the summer, I was fairly certain he was trying to kill it. I made a mental note that at some time we really ought to go and get his Volvo, if only to save my truck from any more abuse than necessary. I picked up my shopping list and followed behind him.

I found him standing in the shade of the porch, peering out into the sunlight.

"Do you think I'll still…… sparkle?" He turned to look at me with his eyebrows raised as I walked straight past him into the sunlight.

"Do you think there's any reason that you should Edward?" I grinned at the dubious look on his face; he was just so…cute.

"Well….. I suppose not. But we ought to just be sure there's no one else around. Just in case." We both looked up and down the street in a very conspiratorial manner.

I met his eyes again and raised my eyebrows expectantly, I desperately tried to not giggle at the worried look on his face, but I couldn't hold back a small snort. "I think it's all clear Edward, you're going to be ok you know."

He seemed to take a deep breath, before stepping out into the sunlight. We both hesitated for a moment, before giving a simultaneous sigh of relief. I walked back towards him where he was standing examining his new skin in the daylight.

"You still shimmer ever so slightly, but I think that's just how you're supposed to be." I reached out and touched his hand, running my fingers up and down the back of his; he quickly flipped his hand over and grasped mine firmly. "You're perfect."

"As are you." He caught my eyes with his and gently raised my hand to his face, before kissing my palm and holding it against his cheek for the moment.

I marveled again at how warm his skin was, and couldn't help but gently stroke the soft stubble on his jaw. I noticed a tiny cut on his chin and I ran my thumb over it, before pulling my hand away from him. Up until this morning our physical relationship had been restrained to chaste kisses and delicate touches, due to his constant worry over my welfare. With the rules changed so suddenly overnight I no longer knew quite where I stood.

He smiled as he turned away, but I thought I saw something in his face for a moment before he began to move towards the car.

**Edward**

Since our incongruous meeting on the landing and my return downstairs I had been worrying about Bella's reaction. She had seemed rather shocked by my appearance half naked in front of her, not that I blamed her, and at the time I had cursed myself for not thinking beforehand to take clothes into the bathroom with me.

But my inner insecurities were truly coming to the fore now. Didn't she like what she saw upstairs? Is she upset that she now seems to be trapped babysitting someone less than she wants? What would I do if she decided I was no longer enough for her? God I'm turning into such a teenager!

Without speaking we walked towards Bella's truck, I opened her door to let her in, but she declined my hand as she sat down. Have I upset her in some way? I ran through my behavior so far this morning recognising my many indiscretions and sighed as I made my way round to the driver's side of the truck. Not good Edward.

We had mostly used my Volvo over the summer. My dislike of Bella's truck had amplified since our return from Phoenix, and I had been very vocal on the subject. I simply did not understand why she wouldn't allow me to procure her something more suitable. A shudder ran down my spine as I glared at the monstrosity sitting in front of me in the driveway. I will have to ensure I drive her to school _every _day this year, who knows what would happen if she ever had an accident in it.

A broad smile broke out across my face as I realised that with no more need to hunt or to avoid the sunlight I had no reason to ever be apart from her _ever_ again.

As I got into the Truck I spotted another one of Alice's little yellow post it notes on the steering wheel.

_**Do you really think this is a good idea today Edward?**_

"What's that?" Bella leant over me and pulled it off of the steering wheel, reading it then looking at me warily. "She's probably right Edward, you have had a lot to deal with today, maybe this isn't such a great idea. I could drive…." She gave me a rueful smile.

I scowled and looked down at the steering wheel, only to be confronted by another post-it.

_**What she said.**_

My inner Alpha male kicked in at this point. No fucking way am I being told that I can't even drive anymore! Humans drive cars every day, I am still clearly going to have a massive advantage over them with all of the experience I have on the road!!! In the back of my mind another little thought popped up - and to admit any more weakness in front of Bella today than I already have….? No thank you.

"I'm sure I'll be fine Bella, in fact I think a drive might be just what I need!" I jammed the key into the ignition and pulled out of the driveway, slamming my foot down hard on the accelerator in my irritation.

Before I knew it we were barreling along the street away from Bella's house. The truck, which had always seemed so slow to me before, was moving insanely quickly, the trees and houses a blur as we passed them. I eased off the accelerator immediately; trying to see clearly where we were going.

"Edward, are you ok?" Bella sounded worried, but I didn't dare take my eyes off the road to look at her. Moving at such a pace was terrifying and I was still trying to slow down enough so I could follow what we were passing.

"Yes, just give me a minute to get used to the speed, it's a bit different." Oh God, I really should stop…...

"Erm…. If you keep going like this we're going to get pulled over."

"You know me Bella, built in radar detector." I tapped the side of my head and tried to smile, but it turned into a grimace.

"Edward…… you're only doing 15 miles an hour……"

"What!" Shit, it can't be. I looked down for a second to confirm what she said, but when I looked up again the distance we had travelled while I'd looked terrified me. I slammed on the brakes, jumping when a horn blared and an old red Ford overtook us.

I sat still in my seat for a moment. How can my perception of the world be quite so different? I knew Bella didn't enjoy travelling at speed, either with me carrying her or in my car, but I'd never realised quite how slow the human mind really was. I'd forgotten it entirely. How on earth am I ever going to get anywhere ever again? My God! Humans driving at speed can't be able to see where they're going at all!

Bella seemed to sense my turmoil and scooted across the seat a little towards me, but still out of touching distance.

"This is all still new to you Edward; I think that maybe you're trying to run before you can walk."

"Hmm….." If I punch the steering wheel I will only upset Bella, and probably quite hurt my hand…..

"Would you like me to drive?"

"Ok…" I jumped out of the driver's side and ran around as Bella scooted across into the driver's seat. I tried my best to calm my annoyance at myself, not wanting to upset Bella by letting her see how angry I was.

The rest of the drive to the store was nothing short of terrifying. Despite Bella's obvious efforts to keep to a reasonable speed, my heart pounded in my chest for the entire journey, the blur of the passing houses and trees making me feel dizzy and sick in equal measure. More than once she suggested that I close my eyes for the journey, but I was determined to get over this bizarre issue with speed as quickly as possible. The best way to do that seemed to be by suffering through it.

To distract myself while we drove I watched Bella more than I watched the road. My new eyes did not see her as clearly as I was used to, the precise detail I was used to was gone. In its place I found a warmer, softer vision, undoubtedly inferior to that of a vampire, but somehow it suited Bella. I watched as she bit her bottom lip as we drove, and remembered our kiss from this morning. I remembered how she tasted and how her tongue felt against mine, and suddenly I found myself overwhelmed by the urge to kiss her again.

I rolled my eyes and forced myself to look back out of the window. It seems that Edward the human is not so much one for self control.

After what felt like an eternity, but which was only actually a few minutes, we arrived at the store, and Bella began to collect items in the trolley. I had done this with her before, but previously I had been trying to ignore the various smells with little to distract me from my general disinterest in the task. This time however I kept holding her up as she walked, examining various items of food, and adding any to the trolley that I wanted to try. I was intending on paying for the groceries anyway, to make up for the havoc I'd caused in the kitchen this morning, so I had no compunction about picking up as much as I wanted.

"Edward, when exactly are you planning on eating all of this stuff anyway?" Bella said as I added a bag of M&Ms to the already overfilled trolley.

"I don't know, tonight?" I'd not really thought about it, but before we could continue our conversation we rounded a corner and bumped into Mike and Jessica, clearly having an argument in the middle of the store.

As soon as they spotted us both of them stopped arguing and smiled.

"Bella, how are you? Are you working on Monday?" Mike grinned as he walked towards Bella, oblivious to Jessica glaring at him as he drooled. I was fighting a sudden urge to punch him in the face, and I wasn't sure I was going to win. "Cullen." He nodded to me curtly, before returning his gaze to Bella.

"Hi Mike, yes I'll be in Monday." Bella had been working in Newton's store over the summer, doing a five day week, giving us only the weekends free. She had insisted she needed to do so to create some kind of college fund, despite the fact I had practically begged her to allow me to fund her college education instead.

I knew that this was simply Bella being Bella, wanting her independence and not wanting to take anything from me. Nevertheless, at the same time I had wondered if it was also a way of not spending the entire summer with me. None of this had helped my feelings towards Mike Newton, and I had found myself fantasizing about injuring him, almost as much as he seemed to fantasize about Bella in my presence.

As I had been walking around the store I had noticed that I wasn't hearing any of the humans' thoughts around me, but I hadn't really been focusing on them. Standing beside Mike and Jessica however while Bella chatted, I decided to really try and read their minds, to see if I was able to if I made the effort. Suddenly living without the ability to know another's thoughts, after ninety years of thinking nothing of it, did pose some potential issues I had decided.

I focused on Newton for a few seconds, opening my mind up to him, searching for his thoughts. He seemed the lesser of two evils; Jessica's mind was never a pretty place to be.

……_Cullen……freak…….different…….……. work done?........ is Jessica looking at him…. maybe she'll fuck off and stop bitching at me…. Bella……_

As I focused on Mike I found I was able to decipher his thoughts, without the pain I'd felt hearing Carlisle's. It wasn't as effortless as when I was a vampire, but I was happy to find I could still hear them if I tried. That was until I was suddenly assaulted by a vivid mental picture of him having sex with Bella on the counter of Newton's store, with Jessica watching and crying. I could feel the testosterone pounding in my veins, as I went from calm to enraged in what seemed to be the blink of an eye.

"God Newton, what's wrong with you, you utter asshole!" I couldn't help my outburst, which came in the middle of Mike telling Bella about the new fall range of equipment which was coming into the store next week.

"What… Cullen, what's your problem?" Mike looked shocked, as did Bella and Jessica. I didn't care though; I was trembling with rage and had decided that I definitely _was _going to punch him in the face.

"You're my problem! How dare you….how can you even….." In my anger I was unable to form a coherent sentence, and I found myself taking a step towards him, my hands balled up into fists by my sides. Before I could get near him however, Bella swung between us the large golf umbrella which had been resting on the trolley, and Jessica grabbed hold of Mike's arm and began dragging him up the aisle.

"Edward! What the hell?" Bella hissed at me, I was still trembling, but I had noticed the looks from other people around us in the store and was trying to restrain myself.

"You have no idea what he was thinking Bella, it was…. Obscene." And I _really_ need to hit him right now.

"So? Isn't it always? You're going to have a tough time at school in a couple of weeks if you can't cope with Mike Newton!" She was scowling at me furiously, and a feeling of uncertainty started to creep over me.

Was that entirely appropriate behavior in public…..? I groaned as my temper calmed down and I realised what I had done. I couldn't believe I was really about to hit somebody……. even if it was Mike Newton.

"Oh my God…... I'm so sorry Bella. That was totally inexcusable!"

"I know you've not got your 'super vampire control' thing going on anymore Edward, but you can't carry on like that too often. Anyway, it isn't me you should be apologizing to but Mike!"

"You have no idea what he was thinking about Bella…."

"And he can't be held accountable for his own private thoughts. If you don't like what people are thinking, keep out of their heads." She looked down at the full trolley and I could see she had turned bright pink in her anger with me. What I had once thought of as kitten anger today seemed a much more palpable force. "Come on; let's get out of here before you get arrested."

As I had planned I paid for the groceries, and Bella did not protest as I had expected she might do. I gave her a sidelong look as I paid, and she just grinned at me. I wonder what that was about?

As we made our way home we were mostly quiet, and I worried about how much I had upset her. I wasn't quite sure what had come over me when we'd met Mike, all I knew was that my mouth had seemed to engage before my brain did. And that I really was going to hit him. Maybe there was a lot to be said for vampire control after all?

Bella had been right of course, really what Mike had been imagining was nothing new compared to what I was used to seeing everyday at school, teenage boys minds were very creative, if only on one topic. As I was beginning to discover for myself…..

When we pulled up to the house Bella was still being quiet, and I found I was becoming more and more anxious. The last thing I wanted to do was upset her, and I began to wonder what she was thinking to keep her so quiet. Is she fed up with me as a human already? _Is she still coming with me tonight?_

She looked over towards me and gave me an uncertain smile. I wondered suddenly, would I still be able to 'dazzle' her in this new human body? I scooted over towards her, taking her hand in mine and looking deep into her eyes. I leant in close to her, so our faces were only inches apart, and hoped for the best.

"Bella, I am truly sorry about what happened earlier, can you ever forgive me?" I focused on gazing at her, and I noticed her pupils dilate as her breathing picked up; maybe this was one thing that did still work…….

"Uh… sure." Her voice was unsteady and for a moment I thought I had successfully dazzled her, until I realised that she was inching closer to me.

Without thinking I closed the distance between us and crashed my lips onto hers, and our mouths began to move together with enthusiasm. I groaned as I felt her tongue against my lips, and I opened my mouth, meeting her in the middle.

I reached for her and pushed one hand into her hair, and winding it around my fingers I pulled her face closer to mine. I felt a shiver run down my spine as she pushed both hands into my hair and tugged on it gently, running her fingers over my scalp. I put my right hand on her waist and pulled her body flush against mine so we were sitting tightly together, side by side in the car.

Gasping for breath I moved away from her mouth and ran kisses down her throat and across her collarbone, gently pulling on the collar of her shirt to allow me access. The little bit of exposed skin drove me wild, and my breathing sped up as I began to run my hand down her side, tracing each of her ribs until I reached her waist, and the hem of her shirt. Her warm breath came in sharp pants against my throat as my hand moved, urging me on in my explorations.

Our lips met again and our tongues worked together frantically as I played with the hem of her shirt, longing to find just a little more bare skin. She moaned into my mouth as I ran a single finger across the sliver of skin I exposed as I moved her shirt, and as my finger crept underneath she put her hand on my chest and pushed gently.

"Edward…" She whispered my name softly against my lips, sending a shiver of excitement from her hand down my chest and into the pit of my stomach. I could feel a coiling sensation lower down, and my heart began to race as I slid my hand further across the bare skin of her side.

"Bella…" I moaned as I moved my lips down her throat again, but I suddenly realised her hand was pushing more firmly against my chest.

"Edward. We're outside my house…" She pulled away from me, her face was flushed pink and she was breathing heavily.

"Sorry, I…. uh…." I moved my hand reluctantly away from her silky skin, and started to sit back in my seat, realizing I had leant into her so she was pushed quite firmly against the driver's door.

She caught my hand as I moved, pulling me back towards her. "You really _have _to stop apologizing for doing that you know" she said, kissing me softly on the lips, before pulling the keys out of the ignition.

"Well, if it helps, I'm not really sorry." I grinned as my mouth kicked in before my brain again. What's wrong with me today? Oh yeah….

She grinned back at me and winked, before she hopped out of the car.

As I got out of the passenger side, I couldn't stop thinking about the wink.

**A/N – Hit the green button and tell me – are you sorry Edward didn't get to hit Mike?**


	5. The search for Equilibrium

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight! I do own a shiny new copy of the New Moon soundtrack though, and it rocks…

Thanks to Cullenfest and Venomaddict, my best girls as always!

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**Edward**

After I had carried the groceries into the kitchen for Bella I made my way to the sofa while she put them away. I ran over the events of the day so far in my mind, and felt myself slowly curl up with embarrassment as each transgression replayed in horrifying detail. Am I truly losing my mind?

I recalled the sensations in my body as I had become overwhelmed with anger while Bella spoke to Mike Newton. I had recognised the feeling of adrenaline hitting my system from earlier in the day with Carlisle, but this time the desire had definitely been for fight rather than flight.

I frowned to myself and hunched over, resting my arms on my knees. I had forgotten everything about being human, and to be absolutely honest I wasn't even sure who I was anymore. What had seemed like a marvelous gift just a few short hours ago, felt like something much less pleasant now.

To add to my upset Bella had seemed to spend most of the day either irritated or upset by my very presence. Added to the fact that I had now mauled her twice today, I was becoming more and more worried that she may no longer want to stay with me tonight. Or even want this new human me at all……I felt my eyes begin to prick slightly, and I shook my head violently refusing to allow myself to succumb to such theatrics.

Then I began to consider my new physical limitations. Even sitting perfectly still on the sofa right now my balance felt vaguely precarious.

Am I really going to be able to do this….?

Can I go back to being human? Weak, slow, unsteady? Bella and I already exist in the world of vampires; can we survive here if we're both human? A shiver ran up my spine as I considered the dangers we had faced this summer; I would not be able to protect her now if she needed me.

I started as I heard her enter the living room behind me. I saw she was carrying a tray with food and drinks on it, and distracted from my reverie my interested was piqued. I allowed myself to close a mental door on my worries for now, and focused on Bella.

**Bella**

Before I entered the living room I stood and watched Edward from the doorway for a moment. He was hunched over on the sofa, and he looked…… miserable!

I waited in the doorway, unable to enter the room. Why on earth does he look so unhappy? We had experienced nothing short of a miracle today, leaving him free of the life he had hated for so long to live however he chose. Sure, he'd had a few odd experiences today, but as far as I could see he'd just been behaving like any other teenage boy…..

And that was when it hit me. This wasn't just any other teenage boy. This was Edward. Control freak, self doubting, former vampire; who also happened to be the love of my life and was now looking desperately unhappy on my sofa. I debated internally for a moment, before I realised that there was nothing holding me back. I could go and comfort him in the same way any other girl could comfort their boyfriend, without worrying about whether or not they were _thirsty_.

He jumped as I entered the room, a small smile breaking out as he noticed that I had come bringing a tiny portion of the food we had just purchased. He's going to get a paunch at this rate…..

"Hungry?" I said smiling as I put the tray on the coffee table.

"Definitely…" he frowned slightly as I moved towards him, clearly not expecting what I did next.

I stepped towards where he was sitting on the sofa, and plopped myself down in his lap, before wrapping both my arms around him tightly. He froze for a second, before wrapping his arms around me and burying his face into my shoulder.

We sat like that for several minutes, neither of us speaking as I ran my fingers lovingly through his hair. I noticed it felt softer now and flopped over his face more than it had done previously; no longer standing up in the disarray I was used to. I ran the beautiful bronze strands through my fingers, simply marveling at the feel. Finally he broke the silence.

"I am sorry about earlier Bella; I don't know what came over me." He sounded worried and I pulled away to look him in the face.

I couldn't help grinning at him for a moment, before I said "You're a 17 year old boy Edward, I think pretty much everything today has been fairly… normal."

He grimaced at me, but didn't reply.

"Why do you look so unhappy Edward?" I held his gaze as I spoke softly, making it clear I expected him to answer my question.

"I just….. worry…."

"About?" It felt like getting blood out of a stone, but I had to know why what had been the best day of my life, seemed to be causing him so much pain.

"I…" He hesitated again but I didn't interrupt, "Do you miss the vampire Bella?" He said slowly, his eyes never leaving mine. He seemed to be gazing into my very soul, so I was relieved that my answer would be nothing but utterly joyful truth.

"No Edward, not at all. I feel like today I woke up, and every Christmas that will ever happen all came at once." I could see his face was uncertain, so I continued "It doesn't matter to me what you are. I love _you. _More than anything. But this way we can have...." _sex, sex and lots more sex…. Ok Bella – nympho much? _"…. Everything. And you don't need to suffer constantly just to be with me."

"I've just behaved so appallingly today….. I wouldn't blame you." He held my gaze, but his eyes looked so sad it almost broke my heart.

"Do _you _miss the vampire?" I hardly dared ask the question, my heart began to pound in my chest at the thought of things going back to how they were. The thought was physically painful for me.

"I…… don't know."He finally broke my gaze and I felt my eyes prick as he looked into his lap, his face a mixture of shame and sorrow.

No! No, I won't allow this. How can he even be thinking this? I felt completely dumbfounded by his admission. Edward, who had spent the last eighty-odd years hating his vampire self, didn't know if he missed the vampire? It just didn't make sense.

"Please Edward…" I kissed him behind his ear "Don't…" I kissed him closer to his mouth, "Don't do this." I kissed him on the mouth, deliberately running my tongue across his teeth and pulling away before he could respond. "Try…. For me." I kissed him on the mouth again, our tongues meeting this time. I wrapped my arms around him tighter and tried to show him how happy I was at that moment with my kiss.

After a minute he pulled away and looked at me again. "So… can you cope with this hormonal, slightly impetuous and constantly hungry Edward for a bit? I promise I will try and gain control of myself again, I just need some time."

Ah, I see, this comes down to control. Of course….. "Edward…I love you more than I ever thought I could, I feel like I might just burst with it today. I honestly don't know whether to laugh or cry." I kissed him along his jaw as I spoke, punctuating my words with kisses. "I'll do whatever you need me to, to help you cope with this, but me……. as long as you can avoid any more potential fights in the playground….. I like the new hormonal uncontrolled Edward. A lot."

While I had been speaking and kissing him I watched as his face changed to hopeful. "So, you'll still come with me tonight?"

"Try and stop me. You know, you have to bear in mind, _I've_ been human and hormonal this whole time, it's nice to have some company…." I wriggled slightly in his lap, and could feel the reaction he was having to me. In our whole time together before today, Edward's body had never betrayed any kind of response to mine, and the reactions I had been getting today were making me feel almost giddy.

His eyes widened slightly with surprise as a wriggled, before his gaze clouded with lust.

He ran his hand very slowly up my side, studying it as he moved. He looked up and caught my eye as he paused by my breast, holding my gaze as he moved his hand and gently ran his fingers around the soft curve he found there. My breath hitched slightly as he ran his thumb across my nipple, grazing it through my shirt.

His hand paused where it was for a moment, before sliding back down my side, resting on the top of my hip. He leant his head back into my shoulder and groaned "I wonder if we ought to get two rooms tonight……."

"What!?!"

"I don't know how I'll react, being in the same bed as you….. " he looked up at me with a sheepish expression, and I felt my heart rate pick up in my chest.

"Honestly Edward, sometimes you really are utterly absurd." I grinned more to myself than him as I got up from his lap. I looked down and deliberately observed his reaction to me straining against his pants. I caught his eye and couldn't help but smile as he scrubbed his hands over his face as he blushed.

"Ohhhh, I'm getting tired of _that_ already….." He rolled his eyes and threw his head back against the sofa, closing his eyes.

I leaned in and whispered in his ear "I can assure you Edward…. I'm not." I pecked him on the cheek and then leapt out of the way of his arms as he reached for me. "Uh uh, we've got stuff to do….."

"Stuff?"

"Well, Charlie will be home from fishing soon, and if I'm supposed to be staying with Alice tonight, I don't really want for us to still be here when he gets back. I think it might set off some alarm bells in his head." I grinned as Edward nodded, conceding the point.

"Ok, I'd better book us somewhere for tonight…. If you're sure." He raised an eyebrow at me warily as I walked out of the room.

"Psssht" I left him with my head held high and my hips swinging confidently, my self confidence sky high. Finally being able to see the effect I had on Edward for myself dissolving my worries that the reason he had always held back was something other than fears for my health. Now I knew for a fact that wasn't true, anything else I could handle.

"I'll take that as a yes then." I heard him call out as I made my way upstairs to pack an overnight bag.

Packing for one night took me longer than I ever could have expected. Before I even got started proper I spent ten minutes searching through my drawers for _something _to wear to bed tonight.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not a complete nymphomaniac. But to be honest Edward and I had spent the last 7 months embroiled in the most frustrating foreplay ever, and going on his reactions to me so far today he was feeling it as much as I was. As far as I was concerned - tonight was the night.

I sent a silent message of thanks to my mother for putting me on the pill on my sixteenth birthday "just in case". Recently I had been considering stopping taking it, seeing as it seemed a bit pointless when I was dating a vampire for god's sake.

But now with all modesty completely out of the window, I was trying to decide what in my very limited wardrobe would be best to wear to bed to seduce Edward. However I was coming up empty. I was holding up a small cotton T-shirt and old sweats in despair when I heard a tiny sound behind me.

"Honestly Bella, don't even think about it." Alice chuckled as I ran to her, standing in front of my bedroom window.

"Alice!" I squealed, before throwing my hand over my mouth, realizing it might be better if Edward didn't realise she was here.

"Shhhh!" She winked at me, before tossing a large, expensive looking carrier bag on my bed. "Tell me you weren't really going to wear what I saw you wearing….."

"Well….. I'm not now! What did you bring me?" I saw her eyebrows raise slightly, clearly surprised by my willingness to take a gift from her so easily, before a wide grin spread across her face.

"_Lots _of things Bella. You're going to need them!" She started emptying out the bag in front of us, showing me item after item of sexy lingerie. I felt my confidence begin to drain slightly, looking at some of the creations before me.

"I'm not sure I can carry some of that off Alice…."

"It's alright, some of it you can build up to, here you are try these." She passed me a pretty lacy camisole with matching lacy shorts. "Not extreme, but will get the job done." She winked again.

"Ease off with the winking Alice, you're beginning to look like you've got a nervous twitch." I giggled as she made to hit me with a teasing scowl on her face.

"So where are you going? He's not booking you two rooms is he? Or even a twin…. Like a pair of old ladies!"

"I don't know, but I did make my feelings clear on the two rooms idea!" I hope…..

"Hmmm…" She started to gaze off into the distance, before I smacked her arm, only really hurting myself in the process, but getting her attention at least.

"Don't even go there Alice!" I felt myself begin to blush at the thought of what she might see if she looked too closely at Edward's and mine future this evening.

"Ok, I'll try…. But I'm not promising anything. I'd better go, this really was only a flying visit Bella, I don't want to spook Edward. Don't want to put him off his game or anything…." She winked at me again and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Nervous twitch Alice…"

"Call me!" and she was gone, slipping out of my bedroom window without a sound.

I rummaged through the rest of the shopping she had left me, pulling out a few more modest items and throwing them into my bag. Without any further hesitation I pulled together a couple of changes of clothes and a washbag, and headed downstairs.

When I found Edward he was busy booking the hotel, I listened to the end of his conversation, watching him watching me.

"…. Mr. and Mrs. Edward Masen. ……Yes the bridal suite please. …… That won't be a problem……. Yes please, 8pm would be perfect…… Thank you, goodbye."

I smiled at him as he hung up the phone, "Bridal suite Edward? What happened to booking two rooms?"

"Well…. Er…. I can change it if….."

"You are so funny to tease…" I sidled up to his side and wrapped my arms around his waist. I felt unable to be in the same room as him without touching him this afternoon, and as he returned my embrace I was certain he felt the same way. "Now, let me just leave a note for Charlie, then let's go, it's nearly five and if we're not careful he'll be home before we leave. Where are we going anyway?"

"The Olympic Lodge hotel in Port Angeles, hopefully far enough away that we won't bump into anyone we know. I've booked dinner for eight o'clock, and this time I can take you out and eat with you!"

I frowned slightly at the fact Edward wasn't planning on us spending the evening in our room, but then saw how excited he was at the prospect of eating a meal together so decided to let it go. I watched him head up the stairs to collect his suitcase that Alice had packed for him earlier in the day, and felt my knees weaken at the sight of his perfect ass in his tight jeans.

Boy that was going to be a quick dinner.

**Edward**

I gingerly made my way upstairs, waiting for the shakiness that had plagued me throughout the day to return, but found to my relief, and indeed delight, that I seemed to be finding my feet. I tidied my suitcase and re-zipped it, preparing myself for the struggle of carrying it downstairs without a) falling down and b) making a total idiot of myself.

But again I was surprised, while the case was certainly a heavy weight in my hands, it wasn't the insurmountable burden it had seemed this morning. Hmm, maybe I did just need a bit of time…..

Now for the tricky part, getting to Port Angeles in Bella's truck, and then convincing the hotel staff that despite our mode of transport we are not actually either Hillbillies or teenagers…..

I was grumbling to myself internally as Bella lead the way out of the front door, but then I heard her gasp in surprise.

"What is it?" I instinctively pushed past her, only to be confronted by my Volvo sitting on the driveway behind Bella's truck. "Oh. Alice was here" Part of me curled up in fear at the thought, but mostly I felt a twinge of longing for my sister.

"Clearly." Bella grinned at me and nudged me towards it.

I began to grind my teeth in irritation, _nobody _drove my Volvo but me. But at least it meant we didn't have to use the truck….

I found one of Alice's now trade mark post-its stuck to the driver's window.

_**Obey the speed limit  
Be careful  
WEAR YOUR SEATBELT. You'll be fine.**_

Looks like I'm cleared for takeoff. I wonder what Bella will think of that?

"She wouldn't have brought it if she didn't think you were up to this Edward" Bella had crept up behind me and read the note over my shoulder.

"No, I guess she wouldn't have!" I found myself grinning, maybe being human wasn't going to be so bad after all.

-----

The drive to Port Angeles was uneventful. I found I was still nervous but that my perceptions were improving rapidly; making driving, albeit slowly, perfectly reasonable for me. I found myself driving at less than the speed limit, but still, for someone who had been quite panicked in the car a few hours before I felt marvelous.

A lot of the improvement seemed to be my new understanding of how my human vision worked. As a vampire I could see every detail of the world around me, even as I moved at lightning speed. I now realised that human vision didn't work like that, and that all I needed to do to drive now was to focus on where I was going. In a way it was liberating, no longer feeling the need to recognise every detail as it passed me by.

When we arrived at the hotel I parked up and turned to Bella, unsure of how she was going to respond to my next revelation.

"I booked us in as Mr. and Mrs. Masen… I hope you don't mind?" I was well aware of Bella's modernity, and was concerned she may be offended by my pretense.

"I heard when you booked it earlier, I don't mind, whatever makes you feel comfortable Edward."

She's being remarkably accommodating… Should I be suspicious? "Ok, good. That does mean we have one or two finer details to maintain our deceit….."

She looked at me questioningly as I leant over to the glovebox and pulled out an envelope I had left in there several weeks ago, knowing that it never hurts to be prepared for any eventuality. I emptied it into my hand before her, revealing 2 plain gold wedding bands and two driver's licenses, in the names of Edward and Bella Masen.

"What… When…" As soon as Bella saw the wedding rings she became flustered. My heart dropped a little at her reaction as I had been secretly looking forward to seeing my ring on her finger, even if it was only pretend.

"Be prepared. A Cullen motto Bella. I'm pretty sure we were using it before the Scouts." I tried to catch her eye to reassure her, as I was sure I could see panic beginning to cross her face. "After what happened in the summer I wanted to make sure we had at least some kind of documents if ever we needed to make a quick getaway again. Tonight seems as good a night as any to try on our aliases." I shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant, while inside I was bouncing rapidly between excited at the prospect of her being my wife for the night, and terrified that she was about to flip out.

I handed her her ring and driver's licence, and waited to see what she would do with them.

"This says I'm twenty-one Edward." She eyed me suspiciously.

"Again, just in case. Depending on what state we might ever need to head to, being under twenty-one might prove inconvenient."

I watched her closely as she pulled her purse out of her wallet and replaced her driver's licence with that of Bella Masen. As she made to put the ring on though I leant over deftly and stole it from her hand. I had time to notice that I was becoming much less clumsy quite rapidly now, and felt another surge of relief.

"Do you mind?" I took her left hand in mine and gently slid the ring onto her finger. I felt a lump build in my throat as I held her hand and gazed at it for a moment. My ring. I was filled with a sudden surge of elation, which I tried to restrain as Bella broke into my thoughts.

"Don't get any ideas Edward, this is just for tonight." She pulled her hand away from mine, and got out of the car, not waiting for me. I sat still for another moment considering, and most definitely getting ideas.

As soon as we arrived at the desk to check in I was relieved that Bella had accepted her new identity without complaint, as both of our driver's licences were taken and copied for the hotel register. While we waited it gave us a chance to admire our surroundings. We were standing in a warm and inviting lobby, with a large fireplace which was clearly used regularly during the winter. Comfortable looking leather chairs were positioned in front of the wide windows, looking out onto the sweeping mountain views before us. Through windows to the other side of the lobby we could see golfers making their way back to the hotel for the evening.

The hotel was modern, and had been recently refitted giving it a clean, fresh feel. When we were shown to our room I was pleased to see that we had indeed been given the bridal suite; a huge room with tall panoramic windows on three sides, giving more magnificent mountain views.

I watched Bella walk around the room, gazing out of the windows in amazement, her beauty accentuated by the early evening light. Even from the other side of the room my eyes were able to pick out the thin gold band she was wearing on her left hand, and suddenly the obvious expectations of a room such as this came crashing down on me.

Bridal Suite

Wedding rings

_Mr. & Mrs. Masen._

In my attempts to please Bella as a thank you for not leaving me alone on my first night in my new human form, I had set us both up for something I wasn't sure either of us were ready for. My Edwardian sensibilities coming to the fore I suddenly wished quite desperately that I had in fact booked two rooms.

Almost as if to confirm my worries Bella sidled up to me and put her hands on my waist, looking up into my eyes with her beautiful dark chocolate gaze.

"So…. It's a couple of hours until dinner… What do you want to do until then…." Her eyes were intense, and I could see a blush beginning to creep across her cheeks.

I was speechless. I couldn't have been more conflicted. My morals, which I had stood by for a hundred years, urging me to put some distance between us, while my new and raging hormones were begging me to pull Bella into my arms and ravish her.

Crap, where's there a post it when you need one?

Seemingly by themselves my hands reached out to her and wrapped themselves around her waist, pulling her tightly against me. I leant down to meet her mouth with my own, the instant our lips met a surge of electricity pulsed through my body.

I felt my chest heave with passion as I opened my mouth against hers, pushing my tongue into her mouth wildly, only to be met by hers searching for me. I deepened the kiss further, thrusting my tongue repeatedly into her mouth, in a heated echo of what my body truly longed for, as my hands reached lower and grasped her butt, pulling her hips tightly against mine.

She broke away from my mouth with a moan, throwing her head back to allow me to hungrily kiss down her throat. Her chest moved with her heavy gasps as my mouth moved lower, until my face was buried as low into her cleavage as her shirt would allow, licking and kissing at the skin there.

"Edward..." I felt her pulling me towards the bed. I lifted her under her hips, pulling her legs around my waist, and carried her to it. I laid her down gently and, still clinging to me, she pulled me down on top of her. Her legs were still wrapped tightly around me and my full weight was now grinding my throbbing erection against the heat I could feel coming through her jeans.

I gasped at the intensity of the feelings coursing through me, useless to stop my hips from the rocking motion they had begun to make against her body, as if on their own. I gasped again as I felt her heels dig into my butt, pulling me impossibly closer to her, moaning my name repeatedly in my ear.

"Bella…" I was gasping for breath and wasn't sure I could stop now even if I tried, but I needed to know she was ok, "This isn't how I wanted to do this…"

"Just touch me Edward…. Oh…. I need you to touch me." Her breath was raspy, and the urgency in her tone made me impossibly harder against her.

She grabbed one of my hands, which had been uncertainly moving up and down her side as my hips moved, and pushed it against her breast, urging me on. I groaned and squeezed, running my thumb over the pebbled nipple I could feel through her shirt and bra.

Emboldened by her action, I pulled my hand away, to a groan from Bella, quickly moving downwards, then back up under her shirt. She moaned against my throat as I pushed her bra away, giving me free access to her delicious pert peaks, I pinched her nipple gently, rolling it as she moaned louder against me.

My hips began to buck faster against her, even fully clothed my body aroused beyond the point of all return.

"Bella.... I can't…."

"Edward…. Unnh… I'm coming… You're making me…." Her head flew back against the bed as I felt her body spasm under me, squeezing my hips between her legs ever tighter and tipping me over the edge along with her.

My body stiffened, managing two or three more thrusts against her as she rode out her orgasm before I stilled as I felt myself spill again and again. My eyes closed and my head arched back with the effort, overwhelmed again by the power of my orgasm.

Gasping for breath I finally collapsed on top of her. When I realised I was crushing her I tried to prop myself up on my elbows, only to be pulled down again by Bella.

"No, don't move, I want to feel you on me for a bit." She was still gasping, her face pink with exertion, but radiant with a dazzling smile.

"Bella, that was just…." There are no words.

I kissed her again, long and soft, loving her with every pore of my new warm being.

"I know. I love you Edward."

"I love you too Bella."

We lay together, fully clothed but absolutely intimate, for some time. Every now and then kissing or touching, but mostly quiet, watching each other.

I waited for the inevitable disgust at myself for what I had just done, for showing so little respect for Bella and showing so little decorum, but it never came. I was just absolutely happy.

Eventually I realised that I was the one who needed a human moment and began to pull away from her.

"Noooooo…" She mumbled, and I saw that she had been drifting off, even as uncomfortable as she must have been being crushed beneath me.

"I need to change Bella, and we have a table booked downstairs shortly…."

She opened her eyes and looked at me suspiciously for a moment. "Are you ok?"

"Honestly Bella, I am absolutely, completely, fantastically, perfect. Just a bit….. sticky." I pulled a face and she laughed as she pushed me away.

"Ok….. I guess it's times like these it's good not to be a guy…" She smiled at me, and blushed slightly as I nodded.

"I won't be five minutes, just let me go get….. sorted out."

I stood reluctantly from the bed and, after grabbing some clothes out of my case, made my way to the bathroom. As I went I began to wonder when my morals were going to come back and bite me on the ass.

**A/N – Wow, thank you so much for the response to this story! I've tried to reply to as many reviews as possible, but if I've missed you please be assured I have read and appreciated every single one, and that they only spur me on to make Edward do more silly and sexy things….**

**So tell me, do you miss being 17, or are you lucky enough to not be so far away from it to worry just yet…….. ;)**


	6. Isn't it Ironic

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight! However I do own a laptop with a broken full stop button!

**---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Bella**

My arms felt empty as soon as he left them, aching for his return. I rolled over on the bed to watch him vanish into the bathroom, vaguely considering following him to see if he needed any help……

Feeling him just let go in my arms had been virtually a religious experience. I knew for certain now that things could never go back to how they were, the new craving for him gnawing away at my insides would surely drive me insane if I couldn't be with him always.

I closed my eyes and remembered the feel of his weight on me. I imagined he was there still and wrapped my arms around myself, pulling him to me. There was a physical ache in my stomach longing for him.

I sat up quickly, shaking my head slightly to bring myself back as close to my senses as I was going to manage for tonight. It was gone seven thirty and Edward was quite determined to take me to dinner tonight.

Time to get ready. Sigh.

I stood and picked up my bag, and made my way to the second bathroom, conveniently located on the other side of the suite. They obviously felt that newly-weds would still want to keep their bathroom habits to themselves….

I had made sure to pack something suitable for dinner, still focused on seduction for tonight. My wardrobe had significantly expanded in the previous few weeks thanks to a certain pixie-like vampire, and I had quite a few dressier items to choose from these days. For tonight I had picked a chocolate brown skirt that fell just above the knee with red and white embroidery, and a silk top that Alice had chosen to go with it. When we bought it she had told me that it was pretty, but not demure, which very much covered what I was after for tonight.

But first I sorted through my new underwear and pulled out some new and very frilly cream coloured knickers and a matching bra. They were the least scary pieces Alice had bought for me, but as soon as I had them on I had a new sense of self confidence, Just what I needed – power panties! I wondered vaguely for a minute who would be taking them off this evening before I made myself focus on the job in hand.

I had given in to Alice's incessant nagging and, once my broken leg had recovered, had accepted some intensive training in walking in high heels. I pulled my black two-inch heeled shoes from my bag and pushed my feet into them with no more than a very slight groan. I looked myself up and down in the mirror and had to admit that the heels were worth the pain I endured for them.

As I brushed my hair my mind inevitably went back to Edward. He had said he was ok, more than in fact, but I couldn't help but worry about him.

Am I asking too much of him? He's had an awful lot to cope with today, is he even himself? The last thing I would want would be for him to regret anything we did today in a few days time when he regains some more of his inner Edward. But then, maybe if I leave it too long we'll be back to square one…..

I wished I could talk to him about it, but watched myself in the mirror as I blushed pink at the thought of it. How exactly would that go? 'Edward, I'm not sure I can go another day without feeling you come undone in my arms again for the rest of my life. How do you feel about that…?' Hmm, maybe…..

I was surprised to find that the final satisfaction of my own growing sexual frustration was not what I was actually most addicted to. The feeling of utter adoration of him I felt when he finally let go of everything in my arms was overwhelming. My mind was already reeling with things I wanted to do to him to make him do it again and again.

_Again Bella – nympho much?_

I stepped out of the bathroom, and into his waiting arms. He was dressed formally, in a dark suit and white button down shirt with the top two buttons undone. Both the suit and the shirt were slightly rumpled from being in the case and it suited him, going with the slight stubble he still sported and the hair which was flopping over his face to the point I was sure it must be bothering him. Again I was taken by how cute he looked… I wonder how he would take that revelation?

"Hello." He pulled me to him and pushed his face into my hair

"Hello." I replied as I wrapped my arms around him tightly. I hoped for a moment that maybe he was going off the idea of dinner too. But I was out of luck.

We stayed quietly wrapped around each other for a couple of minutes, before he pulled away and led me by the hand towards the door. "Shall we go?"

I couldn't help but notice as we made our way to the elevators that the cautiousness he had been walking with for much of today was completely gone now. He walked confidently, with his head held high, and he suddenly looked very much like my Edward again. I smiled, maybe there was such a thing as the best of both worlds.

We reached the restaurant downstairs and Edward went to speak to the maître d', leaving me by a floor to ceiling window with a beautiful view of the mountains. As I watched, the setting sun burnt the forest beneath them golden ochre, reminding me of the colour of Edward's eyes. I was surprised by the sudden prick of grief that hit me, knowing that I would never see those eyes again.

I took a deep breath and fought the tears that were suddenly welling up in my eyes. What was this about? I still had him; I could see him from that very spot, looking as beautiful as he ever had. But I didn't try to pretend to myself; the man standing before me was most definitely the man I had fallen in love with, but I would miss my vampire.

I was surprised when Edward beckoned me to him away from the restaurant. We were led towards the other side of the hotel until we walked into a dimly lit conservatory.

The conservatory was not enormous, maybe large enough to hold a group of twenty people or so. It was empty, save for one table laid out for dinner with two chairs, and a table with a small sound system on it. The walls were all made of glass panels, with pretty iron work in between them. The wooden floor was polished to a shine.

"They use this for private functions; I thought maybe we could have a little function of our own." He turned from me and walked towards the sound system, putting on a CD. I watched him walk towards me as music filled the air. "Dance with me?" He reached out his arms, but I stepped back

"Edward, you know I don't dance…."

"I haven't danced with you since Prom, which currently feels like a lifetime ago. Please dance with me Bella." He smiled encouragingly and closed the gap between us.

"I'm terrible, and you might not be able to lead me so easily now…"

"There's no one else here, it's just us I promise. They aren't coming to bring us anything to eat for a while yet."

"_You're _here."

"Bella. I chewed lard this morning. I am the _last _person you need to be embarrassed in front of today…. Please." He reached out and pulled me into his arms, as I stopped resisting.

We just danced for a few minutes. He was still a wonderful dancer and I felt myself relax in his arms as he led me gently around the room. The sun finally set as we danced, and darkness overtook the mountains, hiding them from me.

I finally broke the silence when I realised what we were dancing to "Radiohead?"

"Sometimes you need something modern, but classic…." His eyes burned into mine intensely, and I thought for a moment he was going to kiss me until he spoke again. "I have a problem Bella, and I don't know what to do about it."

I paused, wondering if I was going to like what I was going to hear, before I spoke. "Tell me."

"I was born in 1901, and my way of thinking is very much ingrained into me from that time. But now I suddenly find myself a child of the 21st Century and I'm not sure which one wins out. I want to be everything you want me to be, but I also need to be true to the man I am, and have been for a century." As he spoke his eyes never left mine, and our dancing slowed until we were barely moving. "If I were to be true to him, I would ask you to marry me tonight."

I was stunned. A million replies buzzed around my head, none of them right and none of them really saying what I wanted to say. The very thought of marriage horrified me, the spectacle we would create and the gossip we would generate paling compared to Renee's reaction if I were to tell her I was engaged. However, the thought of being forever bound to Edward…..

I had been begging him to consider changing me for weeks, so I would be able to join him forever, but now that was no longer an issue. What was marriage compared to giving up my humanity?

And now I didn't need to do anything like become a vampire to join with him, I felt a degree of regret. I wanted to be tied to him, but marriage…..

He had been watching me carefully as I thought, and finally seemed to decide that I would not reply. "But I'm not going to." He smiled sadly, clearly disappointed not to have received a more positive reaction from me. "Not tonight. But that means you need to understand something about me Bella"

"Ok…" I whispered, forcing myself to reply for his sake.

"The me who was born in 1901 has certain beliefs and, although I find myself here with you in the 21st century, I need to be true to him."

I began to understand what he was trying to tell me, but was unsure what to say next. Was he regretting what had happened earlier? My heart sank at the thought that maybe it meant something different to him than to me and I looked down to hide my chagrin.

"Our physical relationship can change now, a fact that I am unimaginably grateful for Bella believe me." He caught my chin and pulled my eyes back up to his. "But, I need you to help me maintain the one thing I have left that's pure. Myself."

"Ok." I took a deep breath and braced myself slightly, if we're going to have this conversation let's have it. "So unless we're married… what about earlier?"

"I think to try and return to our previous more chaste relationship would be… difficult. Hormones are a bitch." He grinned at me and I snorted, surprised by his words.

"They are indeed Edward."

"So maybe as long as we keep one act sacrosanct, we can continue to enjoy each other…."

"Until we're married?"

"Maybe engaged…" I saw a grimace cross his face for an instant and I frowned. "Hell, I don't know." He grabbed me and spun me around the room several times until I was dizzy and squealing at him to stop. "Just help me with this for a bit Bella, I'm not myself and don't want to do anything I might regret."

I realised at that statement that there was to be no arguing with him on this point. He wasn't asking me to do anything for my sake, rather for his, and there was nothing that could make me do anything that might make him unhappy. "I promise Edward. Nothing you might regret."

He kissed me and then began to spin me around again, breaking the tension. "Now, where's our dinner?"

**Edward**

I danced Bella towards our table and helped her into her seat, before I made my way out of the conservatory to find our waiter. I had asked him to leave us alone until I called him, as I hadn't wanted our conversation to be interrupted, knowing as I did how easy it was to embarrass her.

I was glad that she had agreed to dance with me with so little persuasion; I had been prepared for a much bigger fight than I got. I smiled as I remembered the feel of holding her in my arms as we danced, it had felt so natural. I marveled at how warm her skin still felt against mine, but now in a much more equal and normal way. It felt so natural to hold her now, the constant fear of harming her vanishing only to make way for other worries…

I had never intended on asking her to marry me tonight, but I had been slightly gratified by the fact she hadn't actually run from the room screaming at the mere mention of it. I was not unaware of the feelings she held on the subject, what with her parents unhappy marriage and her Mother in particular's dislike of commitment at an early age. During our time with Renee in hospital in Phoenix she had made it clear that she felt our relationship was too intense for our age, and that she thought Bella should play the field a little more.

I returned to her quickly with a waiter hot on my heels, it's amazing what a five hundred dollar tip will do for you. He left us with menus and promises of a speedy return.

I followed Bella's lead, picking up the menu and reading through it rapidly. I was immediately thrown by the huge variety of food, and the various categories it was split into. I tried to sort through each category first, realizing that I would likely need to order one item from each list, but then I realised that would leave me with sixteen courses, which did feel a little extreme…..

I huffed in frustration. Why is this not taught in High School? It would be so much more useful to be able to understand a menu in a five star restaurant than solve a quadratic equation. How often has that ever gotten anyone their dinner?

"What do you think you're going to have Edward?" I spotted a sly smile creeping across Bella's face, and I realised that she'd spotted my struggle.

"I think I need some help….. Before I even try and work out what half of this means, can you please tell me at least how many of these things I'm supposed to order? The size of this menu seems rather excessive."

She threw her head back and laughed, as I looked on in confusion. "I know! I've been telling you that for months, I don't know what half of this stuff is either!" She shook her head at me before she continued, "You just need to pick a starter from here, and a main course from here." She pointed at the appropriate parts of my menu, "The different sections are just different types of food, like steaks or fish."

"Oh." I looked through again, and decided to opt for the safest course of action when in doubt, and to get Bella to order for me. At least then I won't get snails followed by some kind of animal entrails.

I moved my focus to the wine menu instead, deciding that maybe this was somewhere I might have a little more luck, having read a great deal about wine in the past.

"We're underage Edward." Bella scowled at me disapprovingly as I perused the large winelist, never one to break the law being the Chief's daughter.

"Not according to our IDs we're not. Anyway, the amount of comparisons that have been made between blood and wine in literature through the ages, I'm curious. You might be underage, I'm actually one hundred and four years old, I think I might be due my first alcoholic drink." I grinned as she rolled her eyes at me, glancing to the door as our waiter made a reappearance.

We ordered our meals, and a highly recommended but extremely pricey bottle of Saint-Emillion Claret. I reveled in the food and drink once again, the constant attention paid to food by humans making perfect sense to me now. We spoke of lighter things, and I found as the evening wore on my mood became light, and everything seemed to become… funnier.

"You're drunk." Bella, who had sipped at the same still nearly full glass of wine all night, was eying me with amusement as we made our way back upstairs. My feet were not as sure as I was used to, and I had stumbled slightly as we got back into the elevator.

"I am not drunk Bella." But that might explain why I seem to be able to feel the world spinning on its axis at the moment…

"Hmmm, whatever you say. Just don't throw up on my shoes, Alice would kill me." She gave me the sexiest, cheekiest smile ever, and I suddenly had an irresistible urge to kiss her.

We were alone in the elevator so I leant in to her, pushing her up against the mirrored wall. I could see the surprise in her eyes as I crashed my lips against hers, sucking her bottom lip into my mouth greedily. I felt her hands slip around my waist as she kissed me back, her tongue sliding against mine passionately.

We arrived at our floor and the doors opened, but we ignored them and after a moment they closed again, the elevator remaining still as we continued to kiss.

Finally with a gasp I pulled away from her lips, allowing her air while I kissed my way down her throat to her collarbone. She moaned in my ear as I nipped at the skin there, before sucking on it hard, almost biting for a second as she writhed against me moaning. I pulled back and looked at the red mark I had left on the base of her throat, feeling not just a little pride. I had marked her as _mine_.

"Edward…" She whispered my name as our lips met again, warring against each other, our bodies moving together as our hands searched for skin under our clothes.

I ran my hand down her side, trailing down past her hip and to her knee. I hooked her knee upwards with my fingers, and pulled her leg around my hip. Her skirt hitched up as I did, and I ran my hand up her bare thigh, groaning when I found the lace covering her ass. She moaned into my mouth and the sound went straight to my cock. I ground myself against her, feeling her heat through my pants.

Suddenly the elevator began to move. Bella pushed me firmly away and rearranged her clothes quickly with a grin. I pulled my jacket tightly around my waist, thanking God for the fact it was cut long enough to prevent me any embarrassment in front of whoever had just interrupted us.

"I told you that you were drunk." She whispered to me, her eyes dancing with excitement. She suddenly raised her hand to her throat "Did you give me a hickey?" She looked at me incredulously as the lift doors opened back in the lobby, and an elderly couple joined us in the lift.

Without a word Bella leant over and hit the button for our floor, and we stood quietly as we moved upwards again. I only hoped that the perfectly nice looking couple standing in front of us now was completely unaware of the tension we were both exuding. I glanced over at Bella several times, but she refused to look at me. I could see a grin twitching at the corners of her mouth, and a blush spreading deliciously across her cheekbones.

After an interminable length of time, to me at any rate, we arrived at our floor and stepped out of the lift, our hands seeking each other as soon as we were alone again.

"You are so bad!" She scolded me as I unlocked our bedroom door, my hand shaking and almost dropping the keycard in my desire to get her back into our bedroom.

"Yeah, I'm bad baby…" Where the hell did that come from? I stole a sideways glance at Bella who had her eyebrows raised in surprise at my response, clearly wondering at which point the low quality adult movie style music was going to start if I was going to be using lines like that.

I dragged her to the bed as soon as we were in the room, pulling her down on top of me, my hand making its way directly to her butt. She and I kissed for a moment, but I could sense that she was edging away from me.

"Edward, I just need a minute." She breathed in my ear as she pulled herself out of my arms and off the bed. "Don't go anywhere."

I stayed lying on the bed as I watched her walk towards her bathroom. Her walk was so sexy it was all I could do to not chase her in there, her shoes creating a delightful little wriggle as she moved.

Once I was alone I laid back and looked at the ceiling, really feeling the sensation of the earth moving for the first time. As I looked upwards the feeling changed from pleasant to dizzying, and I sat up, hoping that would make me feel better. Instead I found the situation worse once I was upright, the earth seeming to move around me making me feel nauseous. I gripped the bed, trying to steady myself from the feeling of falling, hoping that at least I could avoid throwing up.

I closed my eyes and lay back on the bed again, finding I could cope with the sensation better that way. I considered the irony for a moment, that when comparing wine and blood I only enjoyed one these days; but they both made me feel sick.

No longer being able to watch the room spin around me at least made me less certain that I was about to fall. I relaxed, trying to make the feelings pass before Bella returned, and the last thing I recalled was wondering if actually I _was _drunk.

**Bella**

I rushed into the bathroom, desperate for a moment to myself to regroup. Edward drunk was surprisingly grabby, and as soon as I got into the bathroom I examined the newly formed hickey on my throat. I grinned as I ran my finger over it, considering the irony that in his first day as a human Edward had chosen to bite me on the neck.

I decided I liked it, that Edward had been able to make his mark on me. It suddenly struck me that, if I chose to, I could now do the same to him. I ran my finger over the mark again, surprised that I couldn't feel any raised surface to it. I wondered vaguely if I had packed a turtleneck for tomorrow.

I started to sort through my bag, pulling out the camisole and briefs set that Alice had brought me for tonight, for my seduction of Edward. I began to strip, working quickly, eager to get back to our bed. However as I undressed I watched myself in the mirror; I watched as I looked down at the lingerie I was about to put on, and then at the hickey on my neck. I had no doubt in my mind that tonight if I tried to seduce him, I would succeed.

I frowned at myself, slowing my movements until I stopped, now only wearing my bra and panties I had been wearing all day. I remembered our conversation earlier tonight, and the one thing he had asked for from me. My Edward was still clearly all present and correct, as he had phrased his request in exactly the way I couldn't help but comply. He had asked me to help him for _his_ sake, not my own.

I sighed, and began to sort through my bag again, finally pulling out my usual T shirt and cotton pants that I wore for bed. Picking up my new lingerie I stuffed it back into my bag. In a large white house somewhere outside of Forks, I was sure that a certain omniscient vampire was howling in irritation.

I pulled my pajamas on and walked into the bedroom, hoping that my will was not going to be pushed too far tonight. I was willing to abide by Edward's request, but I was only human after all.

I needn't have worried. Edward was still where I had left him, only now sound asleep on the bed, still wearing his jacket and shoes. I sighed. Oh well, maybe for the best for tonight. Edward had given me a hard promise to keep, and I could do without any more temptation.

I pulled off his shoes and socks, then rolling him to one side then the other to get his jacket off. I looked him over, and decided that he still didn't really look ready for bed, so I shrugged my shoulders and began to pull off his pants.

Once I had finished, Edward was dressed in just his black boxers and his shirt. I chortled to myself slightly, considering the further irony that this was the most undressed he had ever been in my bed, and my formally never sleeping boyfriend was out cold. Throughout the whole procedure he had stirred slightly, enough to help me undress him, but he had no sign of waking up at all. I slid the sheets over his shoulders, before I went round and crept into the other side of the bed. I cuddled up to him and hoped that he wasn't going to wake up with a hangover.

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**A/N – Again, many thanks for the support for this story! Please don't tell me you were surprised by Edward, he may be human today, but he's still the same man……**

**It seems not many people enjoyed 17 that much, mentioning the misery of High School and teenage years. As for me? Well I loved 17, I had a lot of…… fun……. Lol.**

**Leave me a review and tell me, where do you think Edward should spend tomorrow night? Don't forget Bella's still only 17 and Charlie owns a gun……..**

**Ria**


	7. First night blues

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight! But I do own a large packet of post it notes.

Thanks to Sam for Beta-ing this for me, and listening to me whinge!

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**Bella**

At first I wasn't sure what had awoken me. It was still dark outside, and I couldn't hear any noises around me. I had a moment to consider how very quiet it was here compared to every other hotel I'd ever been to, maybe it was to do with the fact we were on the top floor in a penthouse suite. The moon had come out, and I could see the mountains very clearly in the moonlight through the tall windows at the end of the bed. The moonlight streamed in towards us, bathing the room in white.

Suddenly I heard it, a whimper coming from the bed beside me. I was used to sleeping in Edward's arms, but tonight we had pulled apart slightly as we had fallen asleep, still close to each other, but not touching. I rolled over towards him and realised he was bathed in sweat, his arm damp against mine. As I touched him he started, his whole body jerking in the bed.

I sat up and turned to look at him; beads of sweat had formed on his brow, and his face was taut and his mouth was pulled into a grimace.

It suddenly occurred to me that before Edward had been changed he had been unwell, he had the flu, he had a _fever._ Could he be succumbing to the same illness again eighty-seven years later? Panic hit me as I began to feel his forehead, this Edward could fall ill, this Edward could _die._

I leapt out of the bed wondering where Edward's cell phone was, I had to speak to Carlisle. I started to pull his clothes out of his case, scattering them across the floor in a frenzy as I searched for the cell. I found the pants I had taken off of him earlier while he laid passed out on the bed and searched the pockets, to no avail. I was growling in frustration as I searched the floor…. But then I heard something else.

"Uhhhhh….." Edward's face twisted suddenly in the moonlight, a picture of terror. He jerked again, his whole body moving. "Oh No! Bella No….." His voice was deep as he cried out words I was sure I had heard him speak before, but the horror he was feeling was clear in them.

I stopped what I was doing and watched him, paying close attention to his expression as he jerked in the bed again. I was on my hands and knees on the floor from my frenzied search for his phone, and I crawled forwards as I watched him. Soon I was kneeling by his side, giving me a clear view of his troubled face. It slowly dawned on me that he was dreaming. I was trying to remember whether or not you should wake up someone when they were having a nightmare when he began to thrash madly in the bed and cried out again.

"Oh god no, OHHHhhhhhhh…." Edward cried out an agonized howl as I decided that I was waking him up, whatever.

"Edward. Edward! Wake up!" I'd pulled myself up so I was sitting on the bed beside him; I grasped his shoulder and shook him slightly as I spoke in a harsh whisper. I didn't think it would help him being woken too violently from what was obviously a very disturbing dream.

"No!" His whole body jerked away from my touch as he began to thrash his head from side to side.

"Edward!" I almost shouted at him as I shook him more forcefully, not able to allow him to suffer the nightmare any longer. "Baby please wake up."

Suddenly his eyes snapped open and looked around wildly for a second before catching my eyes in the moonlight. "Bella!" His voice was filled with relief as he grabbed hold of me, and pulled me tightly to his chest in an almost suffocating embrace.

I shifted in his arms so I could hold him against me as I whispered soothing nothings into his ear. His breathing was ragged against me, and he continued to tremble for several minutes after he woke up, running his hands up and down my sides as if he was making sure I was still there with him.

Gradually he stopped moving and his breathing evened out as he fell asleep again in my arms. I wondered if he'd ever really woken up properly.

I lay on the bed encircled tightly in Edward's arms looking out of the window at the mountains, trying to calm myself down. My own heart had taken as long as Edward's to quieten from my own panic about his health, and now I found myself wide awake while he snored very gently in my ear.

I had never really worried about Edward before - maybe once when he was hunting James, but even then he had been a vampire. Virtual indestructibility had always been a given with him, ever since the day he had stopped Tyler's van from hitting me in the car park at school. Suddenly fearing for him in a mortal way tonight had left me feeling…… afraid. Loving someone quite as much as I loved Edward left you very vulnerable, and I suddenly felt a new understanding for his over protectiveness towards me. How terrifying it must be for him, the fact that my life could so easily be extinguished by any number of human frailties. Maybe just as terrifying as that thought was for me now about him.

I wrapped my leg around his hip, adding to my arms already tight around his neck, needing to hold him to me as tightly as physically possible for a few moments. "I love you Edward. I love you so much." I couldn't help myself, I knew he was so asleep he couldn't hear me, but I just had to tell him again how much I loved him. My chest ached with feelings for him, and the few seconds of terror I had suffered thinking he was ill had upset me terribly.

I began to run my fingers through his hair, soothing myself rather than him. Eventually I fell asleep, listening to my new favourite sound – Edward snoring.

**Edward**

I was running through the forest. Someone was following me just outside of my line of vision, but I knew who it was; what it was. I ran even though I knew it was pointless, I could not escape. I suddenly felt myself flying as I was knocked off my feet….

I jerked awake as I heard Bella whispering into my ear.

"Edward, baby, it's ok, you're having another nightmare." She was tightly wrapped around me, running her hands through my hair trying to comfort me as I trembled in her arms. She carried on whispering as I tried to control my breathing and calm down a little, then I realised what she had said.

"Another nightmare?" This was the first time I remembered waking tonight.

"Yes, a couple of hours ago you were the same." She was stroking one side of my face now in a strangely calming motion; her face was pressed tightly against my other cheek, our embrace allowing little room between us.

"Sorry….."

"Shh, don't be silly. Try and go back to sleep, we'll talk about it in the morning." I could hear from her voice that she was almost asleep again already, so I simply nodded. A few moments later I felt her breathing steady into the familiar soft rhythm I was so used to as she slept.

It took me longer to get back to sleep this time, my mind full of horrors. As I closed my eyes, I was assaulted by memories of nightmares, at the same time as real memories just as horrific, leaving me almost afraid to sleep again. I pulled Bella even tighter to me, hoping that her presence might ward off the worst nightmares as I drifted again.

The next time I woke was more gradual, my first sensation that of extreme warmth, and a scent that was all Bella surrounding me. Early morning sunlight was streaming through the windows, bathing the room in soft clean light. I realised that we were both moving slightly in our sleep, and in a few seconds between asleep and awake I enjoyed our soft movements, moaning slightly as I stirred. Suddenly I opened my eyes in surprise when I realised what we were doing.

During the night I had rolled onto my back, pulling Bella with me. She was asleep on top of me, her legs astride my hips, and I realised that if not for her pajama bottoms there was a very good chance that we could have lost our virginity in our sleep this morning. I had popped out of the front of my boxers, and the tip of my very enthused erection was pushed hard against her thinly clad inner thigh. Both of us were moving gently against each other, my hands were resting on her butt, hers had reached down and were resting on my waist, just under the waist band of my boxers.

I struggled to make myself stop moving, at once disgusted that I had been virtually assaulting her in her sleep, until I realised that she was still moving against me. I closed my eyes and willed myself into submission, but was still unable to completely stop grinding against her slightly as she continued to rock her hips in a slow sensuous rhythm.

After several agonizing seconds I rolled her gently off onto the bed beside me, not wanting to break our connection, but at the same time shocked at myself. Bella stirred slightly as I moved her, but then with a tiny sigh snuggled into my side and went back to sleep.

Now fully awake, and sporting award worthy morning wood, I took the opportunity to watch Bella in the early morning light. I noted with concern the circles under her eyes, and wondered how restless a night I had had. Her hair was wild, again often a sign that she had slept poorly, and as I looked around us I realised that the sheets were almost tied in knots at my feet.

As I tried to remember what had happened during the night I felt Bella stir beside me. "Morning baby." Her voice was still thick with sleep as she rolled over so we were facing each other side by side, and before I could stop her she hooked her leg back over my hip.

"_Baby?_" I wrapped my arms around her again with pleasure, while at the same time catching her eye and willing her not to look downwards as I pulled the sheets over us to hide my current predicament. Mental note: do not wear anything to bed with a gap at the front.

"Yeah, I'm trying it out…..You ok?" She still sounded half asleep, and I worried again about how much I had disturbed her in the night.

"Go back to sleep Bella, we don't have to get up yet."

As I said this she seemed to wake up a little more, and her sleepy eyes finally cleared and looked at me more observantly. "Really, are you alright? You've had a really rough night."

I frowned slightly, trying to remember but only getting vague images of waking once in the night. "I have?"

At this she seemed to get more concerned and pulled herself up slightly so our eyes were completely level. "You've been having nightmares all night Edward, don't you remember?"

"No, not really."

"I'm not even sure myself, but you woke at least 3 or 4 times in the night,"

"Are you sure?" As she spoke a feeling of unease was starting to creep over me, and I suddenly realised I didn't want to remember anything from the night before.

"You were thrashing in the bed Edward, crying out. The first time I was so scared. I thought you were ill." Her face suddenly collapsed into such a anxious expression that I couldn't help but gather her up in my arms again, sorry that I had made her feel so upset.

"I'm sorry Bella, I don't remember….." But I did. I was starting to get flashes in my mind, and I suddenly flinched when I recalled one particularly vivid picture from the night before.

"What is it?"

"James."

"What?" She jumped at the mention of his name, and I saw uncertainty cross her features.

"I remember dreaming of the ballet studio."

"Oh… Well I've done that too. It's only normal after something traumatic like that."

As she spoke more memories started to come and I had a sinking feeling in my stomach. "Yes it is, but I've lived several lifetimes of nightmares, my subconscious has a lot of material to work from." I closed my eyes and tipped my head back for a moment, trying to dismiss the images which were now flooding my mind. "Ever since I met you, I have wished I could sleep by your side, but now I realise that maybe it could be less a blessing than a curse."

"Oh. Oh no, Edward. What are we going to do?"

"What?" I suddenly felt quite alarmed by the concern in her eyes.

"I have to go home tonight; Charlie won't buy me sleeping with Alice again. Plus I have to go to work tomorrow. I guess you're still not up to going home?"

Before I really registered what she was saying my inner teenager (or is that my outer teenager these days) froze at the mental image Bella had just given me of her sleeping with Alice. I felt my face go slack as she looked on with a puzzled look on her face.

"What?" She frowned at me slightly, clearly not expecting my mind to live so close to the gutter these days.

"Nothing." I said quickly. At the same time my heart sank as I finally realised what she had been saying. Last night I had her to cling to during my nightmares, but if I was crying out in my sleep I had zero chance of creeping into her room without Charlie knowing about it. Which left me sleeping alone tonight, as there was no way I could even begin to think about sleeping at home yet.

I realised that I hadn't answered her question, "No. I don't know if it would be a good idea anyway. Jasper struggles…. To have a human in the house all the time would probably be a lot to ask of him….." And of me. I wasn't sure how well I would cope with listening to his internal battle - with me as the subject.

We both lay quietly in the bed for a few minutes, trying to work out what to do next. In a way I had almost expected to wake up this morning a vampire again, so hadn't really considered what to do about living arrangements long term yet.

"You could buy yourself somewhere; you keep telling me that property is a good investment." Bella broke the silence, airing what could be my only option now I was effectively homeless. "I'll be eighteen in a couple of weeks, an adult, so Charlie wouldn't really be able to stop me from spending time there with you…."

I groaned and threw my head back against the pillows several times, as Bella watched on in surprise. "I'm not eighteen officially until June. I don't think I can go and live alone, the state considers me a minor!" I banged my head back a couple more times in frustration.

"But you said you were seventeen in March, you've had a birthday since then…"

"You asked me how old I was, and I told you the truth, I've been seventeen for eighty-seven years Bella. But I'm in the same school year as you, with a June birthday. According to my driver's license and everything else we have setup here at the moment I actually turned seventeen in June. So if I want to keep the identity I have right here, right now, I won't turn eighteen until next year. Which is about right actually….." I had awoken as a vampire in September in 1918, so becoming human again now at the end of August, while legally seventeen, meant my physical age was almost exactly what it currently said on my driver's license.

"So now you're 9 months younger than me?" Bella sounded indignant, I broke out of my thoughts to find her glaring at me in annoyance.

"Well, yeah, I guess I am." I couldn't help but chuckle as she huffed at me, shuffling around in her irritation.

"Great, I'm a cradle snatcher!"

"Are you going to corrupt me?" I immediately regretted my teasing of her when she lowered her lashes and smouldered at me in a way that made my whole body tense.

"I will if you want me to…"

"Bella….." I tried to make my voice sound slightly reproachful, and although to me I only sounded needful she seemed to understand.

"I know, I know. I think we really need to talk to Carlisle this morning Edward, about lots of things. Do you think you can handle that yet?"

If I was being absolutely honest with myself, I wasn't sure that I was, but I knew that at this moment in time I did need to speak to him. "I think I'm going to have to be. I'll give him a call and arrange for us to meet him at your place later today."

As I was speaking Bella had jumped out of bed and started to head for the bathroom. "Ok, but first lets really make the most of this room. I'm going to order room service!"

I rolled over in the bed and sought out the menu sitting on the table beside me. As I did I wondered what I would have to do to convince Bella that we could just stay where we were permanently.

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**A/N – A bit of a short chapter this week, but I'm battling with sick kids right now and not getting much (or any) time for anything….. **

**Hence, apologies for not having replied to so many reviews, thank you so much for all of them, I honestly read and appreciate every single one! But it was write or reply, and I chose write.**

**So who's excited about New Moon…..?**

**Reviews are better than waking up in bed with Edward (well, not really, but they're as close as I'm going to get, so send me some love).**


	8. Balance of Power

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. I do have tickets for Muse for next September which I'm a bit excited about already though…..

There's a different POV in this chapter, not one I plan on using often as I really view this as Edward and Bella's story, but this one is likely to continue to come up occasionally.

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**Edward**

Fuck. Fucking Fuckety Fuck. I am so screwed.

I was well aware that I hadn't spoken a word during the hour it had taken us to drive back to Forks from Port Angeles. From the corner of my eye I had been watching Bella studiously looking out of the window, clearly giving me my space, only taking the occasional sneaky glance over at me when she thought I wasn't watching.

When we had brunch in our room, my mood had slipped gradually. I had tried my upmost to remain pleasant to Bella, aware that she was the very last person in the world who deserved my ire today, but it had been difficult. By the time I had checked us out, everything seemed to be crashing down around my ears and my temper could only be described as foul. The last words I had spoken to Bella were before I pulled away from the hotel carpark, to thank her as she handed me back her wedding ring and fake driver's license to be returned to the Volvo's glove box. That hadn't helped my disposition either.

And now here we are, back in Forks for the Interview with the fucking Vampire. Fuck.

I had been indubitably relieved this morning when I had woken up to find that nothing had changed. I was still human, it would seem, and for the first few minutes all had seemed right with the world. But then bit by bit I had realised the impracticalities of my new situation. I now had nowhere to live, and was too young to live alone without potentially attracting attention to my family. I had since realised that I would actually _need_ to graduate High School this time and go to college, all with only this human mind, as this time my life might actually be going somewhere. However add all of this sudden realisation to a headache that thumped maddeningly with every beat of my heart, and an ache in my groin left over from this morning which seemed to now be covering pretty much my entire body from the waist down, I felt pretty pissed off.

And to top it off, we're now on our way to meet Carlisle at Bella's place to try and sort out the shit storm that was formerly my life. Or existence. Or whatever the fuck. Did I mention how completely fucking screwed I am?

I knew that sooner or later I would need to come to terms with the fact that my family was who they were, and if I wanted to see them I had to accept that they were vampires. But to be frank, on day two of my newfound humanity I had still not found the override button on my common sense, and every part of me was screaming at me to just turn around and leave. As we pulled up to Bella's house, behind Carlisle's Mercedes already parked in the driveway, the increase in my heartbeat served only to ratchet up the pounding in my head, and my mood dropped to a new low. This was going to be tough.

"Are you ready for this?" Bella leant across towards me for the first time in an hour, and stroked my hand gently with one finger.

"No." I caught her eye as I spoke, and immediately regretted the tone I had used with her - my precious girl who had done nothing but try her best to look after me since yesterday morning.

"But you're going to do it anyway." Her comment was merely a statement, neither questioning me nor trying to push me.

"Yes." I set my jaw and got out of the car, moving round quickly to help Bella out from the passenger side.

By the time we reached the front door it was open, and I could see Carlisle walking slowly into the sitting room, clearly not wanting to crowd me in the small hallway. We followed him through, Bella closing the door behind us with an ominous thud as I moved to sit down on the couch opposite the chair which Carlisle had taken. By my side I found two small white pills and a glass of water. I looked from them to Carlisle with my eyebrows raised slightly.

"They're just painkillers Edward, as I would guess from the smell of alcohol still coming off you that you have a fairly hefty hangover at the moment. Those will help a great deal." Carlisle's face stayed relaxed as he spoke, but I could see his eyes dancing with amusement. "Of course you do realise that getting caught using a fake ID to buy alcohol could cause us more attention than would be desirable."

"As opposed to using a fake ID to disguise the fact that I'm a century old vampire." I scowled at him as I put the tablets in my mouth and attempted to swallow them. I gagged slightly on the hard pills, taking several mouthfuls of water to flush them down my throat.

"Hello Carlisle." Bella entered the room and sat down beside me on the couch, taking my hand and pulling me back into a more relaxed sitting position than I had taken originally.

"Bella," He smiled at her as she sat, "I see you both made it through his first day and night as a human in one piece. Thank you for looking after him." He glanced over at me again, the humour still evident in his eyes. I guessed that he was probably well aware of the problems I had faced over the last twenty-four hours, and with an internal groan I wondered how much of what had happened had been shared with everyone already by Alice.

An awkward silence filled the room for a few moments, Bella looked uncomfortably from me to Carlisle waiting for one of us to speak. For my part I was focusing intently on making my body remain under my control. The last time I had seen Carlisle I had been entirely overwhelmed by panic and adrenaline, hurting his feelings by my unwillingness to even be in the same room as him. This time I was determined not to behave quite so melodramatically.

_Edward, how are you, really? _

I was relieved to find that I could hear Carlisle's thoughts now without the brain splitting pain I had suffered yesterday. I realised that maybe this conversation would be easier held in this way, the familiarity I had with his mind overriding my body's more instinctive responses.

"I'm ok. There's so much I had forgotten about being human, it's difficult. But wonderful." As I said it I realised it was nothing but the truth. Every difficulty and indignity I had endured over the previous day did nothing to lessen the sheer wonder of a second chance at humanity.

_I've run every test imaginable on the blood I took yesterday and from what I can see everything is as it should be. Your chromosome count has reverted to twenty-three pairs, which is normal for a human. There is no trace of venom in your system. That sample was 100% pure human blood._

I heaved a sigh of relief, releasing tension from my body that I didn't even know was there. I felt myself running my hands through my hair in a strangely nervous habit I seemed to have picked up over the last day, leaving it even more unkempt than it usually was. I realised that my foot was tapping on the floor and I stopped that too. Where have all of these nervous twitches come from? I glanced towards Carlisle and really absorbed his utter stillness for a moment, and realised quite how abnormal it was. Before I thought about it I was sweeping my hand through my hair again.

"You want to do more tests." From what he had said Carlisle was content that the blood sample he had taken was human, but clearly he felt that was not adequate for a final conclusion on the matter.

_Yes. If you would come to the hospital with me sometime this week, we can do X-rays, take some other tissue and fluid samples. Maybe an MRI….._

I listened as Carlisle went through the list of procedures in his mind, wondering quite how uncomfortable some of them were going to be. When he reached some more private samples he wanted me to provide I decided it was time to take the conversation in a different direction.

"Ok, ok I'll come during the week and we'll talk about doing some of them as well. But do you think any of them are going to reveal anything untoward?" I could sense Bella's frustration by my side at being unable to hear Carlisle's aspect of the conversation, and I decided that for her I would be able to tolerate having it aloud. "Carlisle says that the blood sample he took was 100% human, but he would like to do more tests to clarify things further." I turned to him "Please speak aloud Carlisle, Bella needs to hear this as much as I do."

"Very well Edward, but let me know if things start getting too…. uncomfortable for you."

"So you're happy that Edward is actually human again?" Bella looked full of hope, and I found myself doing a little happy dance inside my head. Surely this face could only mean she was pleased with our new circumstances?

"I was just explaining to him that there are more tests that we should do, but from the blood samples I took, and everything I can tell with my own senses, I don't believe that those tests will do anything but confirm that yes, he is indeed fully human again." His face suddenly turned to me, curious, and my heart dropped when I realised what he was going to say next. "The only question now is why? Do you have any idea Edward?"

Yes. Yes I did. But not one that I would like to share, actually. "No. Maybe it's just something we'll never know." Please just leave it at that. Please.

"Hmmm." I could see the look he was giving me was vaguely skeptical, and I wondered how good my poker face was these days. "I'm not convinced Rosalie is going to let it drop quite that easily."

Oh Shit.

"Alice said something about it coming out of nowhere yesterday evening, maybe we can work out what was happening at exactly that time?" Bella was smiling, obviously glad to be helping with the mystery.

Before Carlisle could start to talk about this latest plan with Bella, I jumped in with my main problem as of now. "Frankly, as of this moment I am more concerned about where I'm going to live from now on." I found myself running my hand through my already untidy hair again before I continued. "Clearly I can't return home, if nothing else having a human there all the time would be difficult for everyone."

_Jasper_

I nodded in silent acknowledgement, not wishing to voice out loud both of our understandings that Jasper would be the one who would carry the biggest burden if I were to return to my house for the long term.

"Bella and I have been talking about it this morning, and to be honest I'm really not sure what to do. I can't buy somewhere on my own yet, legally I'm still a minor." I snorted and rolled my eyes, disgusted to find myself out of control of my own person, the oldest minor in the country.

"I don't think you should be alone Edward. Not yet at least." Bella squeezed my hand as she spoke, I could see the apology in her eyes before she continued towards Carlisle. "He had nightmares last night. _A lot _of nightmares. I wouldn't feel happy leaving him alone anywhere overnight right now." She turned and leaned into me, running her hand through my hair, trying to tidy the mess I had made with it. "You just looked so frightened baby."

I could feel the embarrassment welling up in me at the exposure of my night terrors to Carlisle, but deep down I realised that there was in fact no way I could sleep alone in a strange hotel room at the moment. My dreams had returned to me gradually today, and I knew that last night would not be the end of them.

"I'm not surprised in the least. Dreams and nightmares are the subconscious's way of dealing with things, and you've got ninety years for your mind to sort through at the moment Edward, much of it not pretty. I would agree with Bella that you should probably not be left alone overnight for now." I'm sure he saw the alarm in my face. How could I cope with nightmares like that every night? "It will pass. The human mind is a wonderful thing."

"That does make the topic of where I sleep tonight somewhat tricky. It's not like I can sneak into Bella's room anymore, for a start I'd probably fall out of the tree and break my leg before I even got in there." At that moment a vivid picture came into my mind of Bella trying to explain that scenario to Charlie, and then I remembered that he had a gun. "But if I'm crying out in my sleep there's no way I can do it."

Before I'd even finished Carlisle was smiling at me wryly, "Edward, you're human now, you can't carry on like that anymore. Even if you managed to somehow get into Bella's room, and not wake Charlie up in the night, it would only be a matter of days until he came in before you'd woken up one morning. Please remember that our Chief of Police has a fire-arm."

"Charlie would never-"

"No Bella, I'm sure he wouldn't, but the rules have changed now, I need to make sure Edward understands that. I suddenly feel like the actual father of a seventeen-year-old boy for the first time in my life, and I'm worried. I don't want you to do anything to harm yourself, either physically or in any other way. Having Charlie on your side would really be in your best interests at the moment, both of you."

"So what do I do?" I was becoming increasingly frustrated, I seemed to be barred at every turn, and I was having visions of long, dark and frightening nights alone in a hotel somewhere.

"Esme has made a suggestion." My heart warmed at the thought of my Mother. I wondered for a moment why she hadn't come with Carlisle, before realizing that it was for my benefit. "She has begun renovating a little cottage on our land, on the other side of the river. The original intention was to make it into a guest room of sorts, there is no road leading to it so at the moment only a vampire would be able to reach it easily. Emmett and Esme have been looking into putting a small bridge across the river, and a road through the forest to the cottage. You could live there quite comfortably, legally on our land so there would be no reason for the state to believe that you lived alone, plus close by to us without actually living with us."

I was surprised for a moment that I had not already been aware of this little project, before I realised that I had spent so much time with Bella over the summer that there was likely to be a lot that I had missed out on.

"I'm not sure he's even ready for that yet though Carlisle." Bella was watching me with a worried expression; I wondered again quite how badly I had reacted to my nightmares during the night.

"It sounds wonderful, but Bella's right. I don't think I could do that alone just yet." Just the thought of being alone in the forest in the middle of the night was enough to make goose bumps creep up my back. I shivered slightly, catching Carlisle's eye. Obviously he would have noticed.

"Don't worry, it's not ready yet anyway. Esme is going to speed things up as much as she can, and with Emmett helping her with the bridge she thinks it could be habitable by late September, but I have a different suggestion about the next month."

I looked at Carlisle questioningly as he hesitated, wondering what he was about to say.

"I think I'm going to speak to Charlie. I think the best place for you to stay for the next month, as far as I can see, would be here."

"I don't think that would go too well to be honest Carlisle." Bella was wide eyed, clearly surprised by his plan.

"Not with you Bella. I'm going to speak to him as Edward's father and explain to him that due to some personal issues Edward is struggling at home with us. Off the top of my head I would think something about suppressed memories about the deaths of his natural parents would make the most sense. I would explain that Edward has few friends in Forks, and I would ask him as one father to another to take him in for a short while, during which time we could arrange something else. Charlie has no reason to dislike you in particular does he Edward?"

While it was true that Charlie had held me partly responsible for Bella's injuries in Phoenix in March, he had seemed to come to the conclusion that it was impossible for anyone to protect Bella from herself. His thoughts towards me, though not particularly warm and fuzzy, were not antagonistic in any way as far as I could tell. "No, his thoughts only betray a general worry that Bella and I seem to be so serious so young, he has nothing against me personally. He does think a great deal of you though Carlisle."

"I know, which is why I hope I will be able to convince him to take in my first born son in his hour of need." Carlisle smiled, looking pleased with his plans. "I think it would be best if I spoke to him alone at first, maybe you two could go out for a while when he first gets here."

"Are you saying you want to send me out of the room like a child while you talk about me?" The bad mood which had started to leave me as soon as the painkillers had begun to kick in returned with a vengeance, my fate moving so far out of my control being utterly unacceptable to me.

"Edward. Unfortunately my son that is exactly what I need to do. You may be the same man you were a couple of days ago, but the rules have changed. You need to allow me to be your father for a little while." He moved forward in a sudden and almost invisible movement, clearly planning to comfort me in some way.

Bella was unperturbed beside me, but the suddenness of his movement sent my survival instincts into overdrive, my blood boiling with adrenaline in an instant. I sucked in a giant gasp of air and lurched back away from Carlisle, where he now stood beside me.

_Sorry_

In the same instant Carlisle was in the chair on the other side of the room again, his face contrite and full of sorrow.

"No, I'm sorry. I just can't seem to get a hold on that reaction yet." My heart was trying to pound out of my chest as I spoke, and I had no doubt that the sound of it was causing Carlisle further anguish. "It's just instinct Carlisle. It will calm down."

_In a way Edward - I hope it doesn't._

I nodded, understanding exactly what he meant. My own welfare was best served by my strong self-preservation instincts, I knew myself how much worry Bella's lack of fear around us had caused me. Before.

"Charlie's going to be here in a few minutes. Bella, are you happy for me to talk to him about this? I think it's our best chance of getting him to agree, and I would agree with you that it would be better for Edward not to be alone at the moment."

"Yes, although I do hold the same reservations as Edward about being sent out of the room like a child while you talk about it. I don't see why we can't be there as well." I was watching Bella as she spoke, and in the instant that she pouted as she finished her sentence I understood why Carlisle needed to do this without us.

"Because I need to have this talk between me and Charlie, if he considers you first in this arrangement he is more likely to say no, concerned about having you and your boyfriend sleeping under the same roof."

Before Carlisle could continue I interrupted "Yes, you're right, of course you're right. And we really have no option; I think I might just go mad if I have to sleep alone in a hotel room every night."

As I was speaking I heard the cruiser pull up outside of the house. I strained to hear Charlie's thoughts, but just caught a sense of confusion about all of the cars parked on the drive. Within moments I heard him enter the house. "Bells! Is everything alright?"

"Dad, we're in the sitting room." Bella got up and taking my hand pulled me up with her. "The floor is yours Carlisle."

"Oh, Dr. Cullen, what are you doing here?" Charlie entered and was looking around the room in confusion, although his thoughts, while slightly alarmed, were returning to the fish he would need to get out of the back of his car shortly. He glanced towards me, and then seemed to do a double take for an instant. I couldn't make anything out from his thoughts, apart from a faint sense of confusion again.

"Chief Swan, please call me Carlisle."

"Dad, Carlisle needs to talk to you about something important. Edward and I are going to run down to the store for something for dinner, we'll be back a bit later."

Before anyone could say another word Bella dragged me out of the room and straight out of the front door, "Come on, let's leave them to it. Carlisle will have Charlie eating out of his hand in no time."

With that we hopped into the Volvo, and made ourselves scarce.

**Carlisle**

The past twenty-four hours had been surreal for me, to say the least. I had never, _ever _heard of a vampire simply returning to being human before, and finding Edward in this state was at once wonderful and debilitating.

My first instinct, after the initial shock, was to be glad for him. Edward had struggled with our life for so long; I had sometimes regretted changing him. Only in recent months, since he had found Bella, had he seemed to take any pleasure in this existence. Even then though he had fallen in love with a human, which only left him two choices, one, to watch her grow old and die, or two, to change her. As I felt reasonably sure he would not be able to bring himself to change Bella, feeling as he did about his own change, I was becoming more and more sure each day that his great love was headed for eventual despair.

I knew my son well, and I had watched him brood, his light and joyous moods balanced by ever blacker ones, and I felt sure that something was coming. And whatever it was would break him, maybe all of us.

This sudden change seemed like a gift from God to this Edward. The Edward who longed for humanity, who believed that his soul had been lost upon his change, who loved a human, and wanted to be able to love her as a human.

But over the last twenty four hours I had begun to understand all of the problems that would come with this gift. The potential for illness or injury, that had had me half way to Port Angeles last night after Alice saw Bella trying to call me, before summoning me back after realizing that Edward was having a nightmare and was not in fact unwell at all. The mood swings and the loss of the control that he values so highly. The hormones and chemicals that drive the human body.

My most recent realization I believed would be the hardest for him to bear, and was one which I didn't think he had fully understood yet.

Edward was now far weaker than he was used to. He was by no means a small and weak specimen, but in comparison to the strength he possessed just days ago he was as weak as a newborn child. While in an even fight I had no doubt that Edward could hold his own, but what might he come face to face with, drawn to him by his little danger magnet? Four would be attackers in Port Angeles these days would pose a far bigger problem than previously, and I seriously worried about what would happen the day Edward realised that he would not be able to protect Bella from _everything _anymore.

As Bella and Edward left the room, giving me the time I asked for with Charlie, he sat down where they had been opposite me. "Then, Carlisle, make it Charlie."

"Thank you, Charlie." I smiled, and made an effort to move forward slowly, resting my elbows on my knees, looking him straight in the face. "I don't know how to say this to you Charlie, but I need your help."

Charlie did not reply, simply nodding to acknowledge what I had said, and waiting for the rest.

"Has Bella told you much about Edward's life before he came to us?" I decided that my best option would be to see what he already knew first, before I spun my lie in the wrong direction.

"I know you adopted him, quite a while ago. Bella said once that he doesn't remember his real parents."

Ok, good. I can work with this. "I met Edward when I was first working as a doctor, fresh out of medical school. He and his parents were admitted to the hospital where I was working then, in Chicago. They were all suffering from an extremely unpleasant illness."

I paused to see if Charlie would ask any questions. He didn't, simply nodding expectantly again. I knew that the Chief was a man of few words already, so I continued without giving him any longer to consider what I had said.

"Sadly both of his parents died of the disease, but I took care of Edward, and he survived. He was young, only seven years old, and I couldn't bear to see him go into a children's home. Esme and I had just married so we decided that we would take him. So, although he is in fact the youngest of my children, I consider him to be my first born. Edward is very dear to me Charlie."

"I didn't know that. There's something special about your first I've been told. Not that I'd know any different." Charlie looked sad for a moment, before looking at me, waiting for me to get to the point.

"As I said, Edward is special to me, a parent is not supposed to have a favourite, but he would be mine if I could. Anyway, Edward has been having some dreams, and it seems some repressed memories he has of the death of his parents are coming to the surface. He's become very distressed at home, sleepless, having nightmares. And having me around seems to be making it worse. I was present at both of his parent's deaths, and I seem to be making this very hard on him. The illness they suffered was very traumatic, and painful, and Edward seems to be recalling all of it."

I stopped for a minute, again to see if Charlie wanted to ask any questions.

"So why are you telling me all of this Carlisle?" Ah, straight to the point, I do see Bella in her father so clearly.

"My medical background allows me to understand what is happening to Edward, but not to help him. He really needs some time away from me and the rest of his family, to allow his mind to dredge up the memories as it chooses, without being forced along at all by my presence. But that presents me with a problem. School starts in a fortnight, so I don't wish to send Edward away for the beginning of his senior year, however I believe he urgently needs to get away from our house for a while."

"How long is a while?" Charlie was looking at me speculatively, and I could see that he'd guessed where this conversation was going.

"A month maybe. Just long enough to allow his mind to heal itself a little bit."

"How can I help you Carlisle?" I appreciated the question, as this was proving to be a little more difficult than I had expected.

"Edward has very few friends in town, my children are not sociable as a rule, Bella is his only confidante outside of our family. Right now Edward needs somewhere to stay, somewhere with adult supervision, as I am concerned about his welfare at the moment, and somewhere with someone he knows and trusts and loves."

I was watching Charlie carefully as I spoke to him, trying to work out what he was thinking. I could see he wasn't sold on the idea yet, so I allowed myself to continue to convince him.

"The only place I can think of is here. Charlie, I'm asking you if you'll look after my first born child, my most precious thing, when I am unable to do so." Not a word was a lie, I had told Charlie as close to the truth as I could manage, and I hoped it was enough. Edward was more my child than any of the others. I loved him like my own son, and in a way I was almost excited to be able to do this for him, to be his father. I was just relying on Charlie Swan to help me by taking him in, so he had somewhere he could call home. Alice had seen some very disturbing things when Edward had been considering living alone in a hotel, and I was not going to allow that to happen.

Charlie took in a deep breath and held it for a second, before exhaling. He looked torn, and I knew he was worrying about having Edward and Bella under the same roof. "I don't have a lot of space here Carlisle, we've only got the two bedrooms."

"I think Edward would be happy with a bed on the couch for now Charlie, it's just somewhere to lay his head until we have sorted things out at home."

I watched as he turned the idea over in his mind, clearly torn between wanting to help, and Bella's welfare.

"Is Bella happy with this suggestion?"

"Yes. She's very worried about him too; she's a wonderfully caring girl."

He nodded. "Yes she is."

After another pause he spoke again. "We might need a bit of a hand with groceries and things, I know how much teenage boys can eat, my friend's kid Jacob is virtually bankrupting him with the amount he's eating."

"That would be no problem. Edward already has credit cards and bank details within all of the family's accounts. I'm certain that he would insist on paying his own way."

I watched as Charlie considered everything I had said. I have never longed to be able to read people's thoughts as much as I did in those few moments, with Edward's welfare in the balance. When he took longer to reply than I had expected my mind began to race, trying to think of a plan b, becoming alarmed when no such plan sprang to mind. Fortunately Charlie spoke again, just as I had decided I needed to try harder to convince him.

"Ok. If he doesn't mind the couch, ok." He looked down and I could see him blush slightly, another thing he shares with his daughter. "But, I don't want any funny business, can you explain that to him. If I catch him sneaking upstairs to Bella in the night he'll be out of here so fast his head won't stay on straight!"

"I trust my son Charlie, and I'm sure he will respect your wishes while he's under your roof." I mentally crossed my fingers as I said this; I had been able to smell the hormones rolling off of both Edward and Bella earlier on and was fairly sure that my son's famous restraint was being stretched beyond its limit. I just hoped they were capable of being discreet.

He nodded determinedly, and an uncomfortable silence descended on us. I decided that it was time to leave

I stood up and stepped towards him with my hand outstretched. He stood and met me in the middle of the room. As soon as his hand met mine I couldn't help myself, my genuine gratitude to him overwhelming me for a moment. I added my second hand to our shake, and held onto his for a moment longer than was usual. "Thank you Charlie, you really have no idea how much I appreciate this."

He looked uncomfortable for a moment, and I dropped his hand. He reached up and rubbed the back of his neck in an awkward gesture; clearly male bonding was not within this man's remit. "Ah, well, I'm fairly sure I do. I know that if this was for Bella you and Esme would do the same."

"We would." I made a move towards the door, before he felt the need to leave the room to hide from any more displays of emotion on my part. "And speaking of Esme, I must get home and let her know what's going on. She's very upset, obviously."

"Of course." Charlie walked me to the door, and watched as I pulled out of the driveway. I silently thanked God for the brief cloud cover that passed over us for five minutes as I left - I had not even considered the sun when I had left earlier today.

I made my way home as fast as I could, relieved that Edward would not be alone tonight, but sorry as I felt my son slipping through my fingers. I hurried towards Esme's arms, seeking the solace that only she could provide me in my sorrow. But beneath it all I felt hope, because today really was the first day of the rest of our lives.

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**A/N – So at least Edward isn't going to be on the street tonight, I know some of you were worried!**

**The good news is my kids are feeling better, and I've had a chance to get things done again. Yay! But instead of hoovering I've been writing away, and chapter nine is also pretty much ready to go, and should be up within the next day or so. Bella gets a chance to help Edward relieve some tension…. ;)**

**It seems everyone's excited about New Moon, and off to see it in droves this weekend. As for me? My friends are all very insistent that they don't want to go until after "the crazy is over", clearly not realizing that they'll be taking the crazy with them! So, I'm going to have to go on my own, then pretend I haven't seen it when I go with with them later…..**

**Leave me some love, and I'll do my best to finalise chapter 9 in record time.**

**Ria**


	9. Not the Meadow

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight! I do own a whole heap of Twilight crap that has probably made somebody very rich though.

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**Bella**

We were quiet in the car again as we pulled away, leaving Charlie and Carlisle to decide Edward's fate without us. I still felt rather irritated at being sent out of the room while the grown-ups talked, but Edward seemed to have come around to the idea so I trusted his judgment. I glanced over towards him, trying to measure his mood. During the drive back from the hotel earlier today he had been silent, and he had looked tortured. I had hardly been able to bear it in silence, but I let him have the time he seemed to need. Now however I was relieved to see much of the tension had left his face and that he was merely paying attention to the road, something that was unusual in itself.

I looked around and noticed where we were going.

"We don't actually need to go to the store Edward; I just didn't want to say 'we're leaving you to talk about us' out loud." He smiled softly as I spoke, before turning his body slightly towards me in his seat. I was relieved to see him keep his eyes on the road for the most part.

"Oh. What about dinner?"

"We bought most of the store yesterday; we won't be going hungry for quite some time."

"Ok, so what do you want to do?"

I knew very well what I wanted to do, I just wasn't sure about where. Edward had seemed to think he had managed to move me before I woke up this morning, but I had stirred at about the same time as him and was well aware of what we had been doing in our sleep. I was sure that some of Edward's tension for most of today was for the same reason that I had felt antsy ever since we left the hotel. Carlisle's plan for Edward to move into his own little cottage sounded rather a good idea to me, giving us some privacy whenever we wanted it. But as of today we were without our own space. Even our meadow felt out of reach. Without Edward being able to run us there, it was too far to hike to for just an hour or so to enjoy the end of the afternoon sunlight.

"It's such a sunny day, before I'd have said to go to our meadow, but it's too far for now really…" I looked over to see he was nodding.

"Yes, that's going to be a day trip now I think, we should still try and go soon though. It holds such happy memories." He frowned for a moment, before suddenly veering off of the road and turning the car around. "There's somewhere else though. It's much closer, I've never taken you there as it's not so far off the beaten track, but it's very pretty too."

And with that we were headed out of town, turning off of the main road before we would usually have done for our meadow. We drove along a narrow track for another mile or two before Edward pulled over, into a bay concealed behind some trees.

"There are sometimes tourists along here during the peak of summer, but I think it's late enough into the season that we'll get the place to ourselves." He winked at me as he hopped out of the car, running round to help me out of my side.

It didn't usually occur to me to try and get out of the car on my own anymore, I had got so used to his gentlemanly ways, but this time I was too focused on the fact that _Edward _had just winked at me to even consider it. When the door opened by my side I was still sitting facing forwards, slightly stunned, and I didn't turn to meet him immediately.

"Bella?" He looked concerned, so I simply smiled and shrugged off my surprise.

"Yes, I'm coming." I took his hand and got out of the car. "So where are we headed?"

"Just through these trees here." He nodded us towards a break in the trees behind the bay we were parked in. "About twenty minutes that way there's a little pond. It's pretty." He pulled me towards him, still holding the hand he used to help me out of the car. "You'll like it."

He led me through the trees. This was unlike the route to the meadow, a beaten track, obviously used by tourists and hikers fairly regularly, though there was no trace of the litter and debris that sometimes accompanied the more heavily used pathways. The path was wide enough for us to walk comfortably side by side, my hand curled into the crook of his elbow as we strolled contentedly together. We didn't speak as we walked, but the silence was a comfortable one.

Before I knew it Edward pulled me off of the path and up a short but very steep slope which then curved steeply down again. We made our way through the trees, packed closely together now, much more slowly as I did my best not to fall over the many roots and branches which now blocked our path.

"I thought this was not off the beaten track?" I caught myself on Edward's arm again as I tripped, cursing the roots which seemed to be reaching out for my ankles.

"Well, actually I said not _so far_ off the beaten track," He barked a short laugh, which he covered quickly with a cough as he caught the look on my face "But it's ok, we're nearly there."

As he finished speaking we stepped to the edge of a tiny clearing, no more than fifteen or twenty feet square, with a tiny pond sitting to the far side of it. Despite being so close to the regularly used footpath I was certain that I was the first human to have been here for many years, if ever. At that thought I turned to Edward as he stepped into it ahead of me and mentally corrected myself; make that _second _human.

"Wow, this is so pretty, why have you never brought me here before?" As I spoke Edward sat down on a wide bank covered in moss, easing me downwards beside him with both hands. The forest was almost completely quiet, I could hear birds in the distance, but on this still and sunny day nothing else broke the peace surrounding us.

"We don't usually hunt on this side of town; there are more tourists so the game doesn't come this way so often. I only found it myself a couple of weeks ago. It made me think of you." He put his arm around my waist and eased me backwards, until we lay on our backs side by side, staring up at the blue sky through our tiny break in the canopy of the forest.

"Hmmm." Lying next to him like this suddenly reminded me of waking in bed with him this morning, and I felt my heart rate pick up. For a moment it amused me to think that Edward would not now be able to hear that, and so my reaction was private for once.

I reminded myself of my promise to Edward last night, _nothing you might regret, _and tried to get a hold of myself. He had only been human for two days, but the rules between us had changed already beyond recognition, and it was killing me. The fear he had battled with, that he would hurt me if we exchanged more than the chastest of kisses, was now gone, only to reveal the fact that his Edwardian sensibilities were still alive and well and living in the 21st Century. I pursed my lips suddenly and wondered how much of his previous reluctance and worry over my safety had been exaggerated to hide his other reasoning, which I had not understood fully until last night.

The quiet between us felt loaded, and I felt the sudden need for conversation. "How long should we give them?" I asked him, meaning Carlisle and Charlie.

"I don't suppose it will take too long, but it doesn't matter when we get back does it? What will you want to do about dinner tonight?" I could feel him turning onto his side to face me as he spoke, but I didn't move, keeping my gaze fixed on the small cloud drifting across the sky above us.

"I expect we have fish, what with Charlie getting back so soon." Edward groaned gently beside me, I wondered why for a second before I continued. "But we don't need to go back for a few hours yet if we don't want to; fish don't take long to cook."

"I get the impression you eat a lot of fish." He snorted a short laugh as he spoke, "You have a lot in your freezer."

I remembered Edward's investigations in the kitchen yesterday with a grin before I replied "Yes. It keeps Charlie entertained though so I'm not complaining."

He nodded but didn't speak again. The loaded silence was back between us and I began to wonder if I should suggest that we get going already. I kept my eyes fixed on the sky, despite the fact I could feel Edward's gaze on the side of my face as he fidgeted beside me. Without warning he suddenly appeared above me, his face close to mine directly in my line of vision.

"What are you thinking? Please tell me, _before_ I go mad!" He looked incredibly frustrated, scowling down at me as he spoke; he ran his hand through his hair further exaggerating his unkempt appearance. I smiled widely looking at him for a moment, only able to imagine what Alice would think of how he looked today.

His bronze hair, usually stylish in a casual disarray, was now completely wild, surely due to the fact he seemed to be running his hands through it incessantly. He had not shaved again this morning, and now a fair amount of stubble had accumulated across his chin and jaw. His usually well pressed clothes were rumpled from being in the case, both his dark jeans and white T shirt were creased and somehow slightly grubby looking.

Yes, gone was the immaculate vampire, and in his place was pretty much the sexiest man I had ever seen. It was terrible; the perfection of the vampire had left me in awe of his beauty, but in a way that had helped me keep my distance from him. The new, disheveled, human Edward just made me want to rip his untidy clothes off of him and have him that way for weeks on end. _Ok Bella, get a grip, he's going to worry if you start to pant. _

I remembered I still hadn't answered him, when he rolled over onto his back and started banging his head into the bank we were laying on. I recognised this action from this morning in bed and realised that it meant Edward was about to explode in frustration.

I quickly rolled over onto my side towards him, stilling his head with my hand in case he hurt himself. I wrapped my arms around his neck and slung my knee across his hip, smiling at the still irritated expression he wore. "I'm not thinking anything important really. I was just looking at the blue sky."

He looked at me disbelievingly for a moment, before he recommenced banging his head against the ground in a slow rhythm.

"Ok! Ok, stop it already!" I stilled his head with my hands again as he raised his eyebrows at me expectantly "I was thinking how much I liked the stubble" I ran my hand over his face, feeling the soft scratch of the fine stubble in my palm. "And the hair. I mean, I used to think you had sex hair before, but this," I ran my own hand through his hair a couple of times, tidying it slightly, "_This_ is sex hair. You have this whole 'just fell out of bed' look about you today. It's kinda hot." I shrugged and looked away, embarrassed at being so open with him, but he held me tightly to his chest and wouldn't allow me to pull away even slightly.

"Hot huh?" A look of satisfaction spread across his face, "I can live with that…" He stopped speaking for a moment and frowned slightly. "So… was I not 'hot' before?" I could hear the quotation marks as he spoke, and I laughed until I spotted the slight scowl reappearing on his face.

"Well, before you were perfect and beautiful and unreal…" The scowl started to increase as I spoke, and for a moment I wondered where on earth this was coming from. "But yes you were hot too… Isn't it me who's supposed to take compliments badly in this relationship?"

He pouted slightly for a moment before he said "I just don't want the way you feel about me to be changed by this, I still feel exactly the same as I did before. But I know I'm not the same." He looked away from me, and I wondered if he had always needed this much reassurance, maybe he just hid it better as a vampire.

"I'm just saying, I like this new you, I feel less like I'm gazing at a god from afar now. You know how much I love you, don't you baby? Nothing could change that."

"I do, it's nice to hear it sometimes though. And I have never been afar from you Bella."

I shuffled up his chest slightly, until we were face to face, and kissed him gently on the mouth. "Maybe not to you." I frowned slightly, before he leant up to catch my lips with his again.

This time neither of us pulled away. We kissed gently for several minutes, our usual chaste kiss, as I rested on his chest and he held me against him. Eventually we broke away for air, but his lips never left my skin. He pulled me up his body and kissed down my jaw, leaving a trail of goose-bumps as he went, until he reached my collarbone where he kissed and sucked over the mark he left on me yesterday. I moved my head to one side to allow him better access, until he slid me back down his body and his lips found mine again.

This time I felt his tongue against my bottom lip almost immediately, and I opened my mouth and met it with my own. With a gasp I reached round and caught my fingers in his hair as I felt him do the same to me, pulling my mouth more firmly to his. He tipped his head slightly to improve the angle, and groaned gently as his tongue dipped further into my mouth, sliding against mine as we kissed each other with everything we had.

I was resting my weight on his chest, and I felt his breathing increase under me as we kissed until he was almost gasping. This time I pulled away for air, running tiny butterfly kisses down to his shoulder. As I did I moved one hand from his hair and ran it down his chest, feeling the soft skin beneath his shirt.

I slipped my hand down further, finally reaching beneath his shirt and stroking the soft skin of his stomach. I felt the muscles there clench as I trailed my hand across his body, pressing into the now pliable skin and muscles of his stomach and then chest.

I dragged his shirt up further and scooted down to get a closer look at the beautiful soft, slightly pinkish skin that now covered his stomach. I stroked my fingers across the fine hair I found there, following it upwards, pushing his shirt up further to reach his chest muscles.

Suddenly he shifted under me, and then his shirt was gone, giving me free access to him. I lowered my mouth to his body, and placed soft kisses from his stomach up to just below his nipple. I watched fascinated as the muscles tensed and relaxed under his skin, following my kisses up his body. I felt him shift under me as he moaned my name.

"Bella… God… What are you doing?"

I flicked my tongue out across his nipple as he spoke, eliciting a sharp hiss from him as I did. His hips shifted under me slightly, and I could suddenly feel him pressed against my lower stomach.

I looked up to see his eyes focused intently on me, watching my every move. He started to move his hand from my hair and run it down my side, but I caught it and placed it down on the ground.

"Just let me touch you for a minute Edward, I just need to touch you." He groaned loudly as I spoke, a noise full of need, and I felt his hips shift under me again, pushing his arousal harder against me.

I rolled to one side, exposing Edward's body to me while my lips continued to trail across his chest, following the fine smattering of hair across from one side to another this time. I glanced down and saw the front of his pants straining against his arousal, and I needed to touch him. I felt wetness flood my panties at the mere thought of touching him there, and before I had time to chicken out I ran my hand down his chest and stomach, until it rested on the crotch of his pants.

"Oh!" He thrust against my hand as I touched him, I caught his eye and he looked surprised before a different expression crossed his face, a look filled with desire and lust.

"I need to touch you Edward… please let me touch you…" He nodded mutely, closing his eyes and tipping his head back as I undid the button at the top of his fly.

I lowered his zipper slowly, deliberately giving him the chance to stop me if he wanted to. Finally I slipped my hand into his pants and squeezed his length through the material of his boxers.

"Fuck… God Bella." His hips jerked as I squeezed him, his breathing had sped up to the point he was panting for breath, and his hips had begun to rock gently against my hand

I squeezed him again, but I was being limited by the clothing he was still wearing. I tried to pull his pants down slightly, but I couldn't move them as his weight was on them. As I tried to work out what to do next Edward suddenly arched his back, lifting his hips high in the air, and quickly pushed his pants and boxers down to almost his knees. I jerked away from him in surprise as he moved.

"What? I'm helping." He gave me a shy smile as he caught the look of astonishment on my face. Now he lay completely naked in front of me, his erection standing upright, almost seeming to try to strain towards me by itself. A single drop of liquid glistened on the tip, and for a moment I had an urge to taste him, but instead I reached out and grasped him in my hand again.

He let out a long moan as I stroked his length, I slid my fingers across the tip, spreading his wetness across the head and making him buck his hips into my hand again. I had no idea what I was doing, but I let his sounds and movements guide me.

"Oh Bella… Bella… God I need you…." He muttered as he reached down and started undoing the button on my jeans. In a second he was trying to pull my jeans down with one hand, while pulled at the buttons of my shirt with the other.

Suddenly I remembered our conversation the previous night, _nothing he might regret._

"Edward… baby… hang on. I think one of us needs to keep our pants on." It was killing me, but I knew that for now I needed to do what he'd asked me, at least until he felt more like himself again. Meanwhile he was still pulling at my clothes, my shirt and bra were on the ground beside me and he was working on my jeans. "Edward, you made me promise you…"

He groaned and stopped what he was doing; he nodded against my chest before moving his hands back up my body, reaching for my breasts. He caught my nipples between his fingers, pinching and rolling them making me gasp sharply.

I trailed my hand back down his stomach again and grasped his hardened length in my hand, this time beginning to pump him harder. He began bucking his hips against me in time with my pumping, moaning incoherently as his hands stilled against my breasts.

I rubbed my thumb across the slit at the end of him, making him hiss at the touch, and felt more wetness there. I gathered his fluid on my hand and used it against him, my hand now sliding up and down his length more easily.

I slipped my hand over the head and squeezed, causing him to cry out and buck hard against me. I did it again and he responded the same. I felt him throb in my hand at my touch and I could tell that it wasn't going to take much to make him come.

I grasped my other hand around his shaft and pumped, as I continued to squeeze the tip, feeling more fluid seeping onto me as he thrust himself against my slick hands

Edward's head was moving from side to side as he moaned now, and I could see the muscles in his stomach tensing in rhythm with my hand.

"Fuck… Bella… Oh God… I'm going to… Fuuuuuck!" He thrust into my hand once more as his hips lifted off of the ground, and I felt him pulse against me. His erection grew and throbbed against my fingers as he came in hot streams into my palm.

I continued to stroke him gently as he came, his fluids coating my hand, I stopped as his hips sunk back to the mossy carpet beneath us, and I leant backwards quickly to clean myself up a bit on the foliage behind me.

He reached out and grabbed me around the shoulders and pulled me back down to him, my breasts pushed against his chest, and my face nestled comfortably into the crook of his neck. I continued to lazily trail my hand up and down his chest as he recovered for a few moments, not wanting to lose the feeling of his skin against my hands.

"I feel that maybe I got the better deal out of that." Finally Edward's breathing had returned to normal, and I felt his face move into a smile above me as he broke the silence.

"I don't think so." I looked up and caught his eye, and on seeing the completely blissed-out look on his face changed my mind slightly, "ok, maybe you did." I smiled and snuggled closer to his chest. "Don't worry, I'll remember."

A few minutes later I realised that Edward was snoring gently beneath me. I reached out and caught his shirt from the floor behind him and pulled it over us, before closing my own eyes and joining him in a comfortable doze.

**Edward**

I woke up surprised for a moment to find that I was outside, but then feeling Bella's bare skin on mine I remembered very quickly where I was. I looked down and realised that I was still virtually naked, and that Bella was also, at least to the waist. She had pulled my T shirt over us before she had fallen asleep, but still we were both covered in goose bumps. I pulled her a little closer to me, amazed for a second that I could now actually help keep her _warm._

I thought back to earlier on, and I felt my cock twitch at just the memory of her hot little hands all over me. I remembered how in the heat of the moment my hormones had nearly overruled my brain, and if Bella had been willing I had had every intention of taking her right here in the forest.

I waited for a moment, expecting my self-loathing and disgust to come crashing down on top of me, but to my surprise it didn't.

I lay holding Bella in my arms, and really considered our current position. For months we had danced around each other, unable to really even touch due to our enormous differences; and throughout we had grown to love each other more each day. She was my life, my soul, my reason for everything. Would a loving God have a real issue with me making love to the love of my life before we swore ourselves to each other in church? Would it really make that much of a difference to him?

Having been hearing every thought around me for years, I was also well aware that if he did mind, heaven was likely to be a pretty empty place if I ever did get there. Waiting for marriage just didn't seem to be regarded as the done thing anymore by most of society. Sure, some people do, but is there a happy medium?

Bella would clearly be uncomfortable rushing to marry very young, maybe I could convince her to get engaged before we went to college, but probably not married until afterwards, at maybe twenty-two or twenty-three?

_And here I get to the nub of the problem. Do I think I can go the next four or five years without making love to my girl?_

_I would have to say no._

But, could I really let go of morals and beliefs I had stood by for the last 87 years, and more during my human life? Were the changes to the world around me, something that should also lead me to change myself? Or was I already changed, and I simply hadn't caught up with myself yet?

Would I even be able to live in this world as the man I once was? Should I at least try to embrace this brave new world I now lived in?

I lay back and pondered for some time. To let go of everything I had ever believed in felt in some ways an enormous thing, and in some ways it was. But in others...

I looked down towards Bella, still sleeping comfortably on my chest. Didn't she deserve more? A normal life? And, if I was being really honest with myself... didn't I?

That was the moment I decided: I would no longer be an Edwardian living in this world. I would embrace my new status as a child of the 21st Century, and all it entailed. I didn't just mean in regard to Bella, although that was certainly a deal breaker, but to everything. I had received a gift, and I was going to grab it with both hands and make the most of it from this moment onwards.

* * *

**A/N – So that was the most smut I have ever written, let me know what you think! **

**Sorry this took a bit longer than I planned, I won't go into the why's but I hope it was worth the wait!**

**So Edward's decided, no more holding on to his Edwardian hang-ups. I wonder how well he's going to get on with that?**

**Finally – if you've not tried it, please have a look at my other story "High Noon", it's very different to this one, but is coming towards its conclusion now, and there are going to be fireworks ;).**

**Leave me some love, and I'll try not to leave you hanging for too long.**

**Ria**


	10. Upstairs Downstairs

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight! But I do own a backlog of new books that I haven't got round to reading yet, as I spend too much of my life either reading or writing fanfiction. (Seriously, my bookclub is going to be pissed off with me tomorrow!)

* * *

**Edward**

I was completely unable to wipe the grin off of my face on our way back to Bella's place. We kept giving each other sneaky glances and grins as we drove, and I had to resist the urge to pull over several times.

The Chief's car was still in the driveway when we got back, and as I pulled up behind him I cursed myself for not having called Carlisle already. My confidence in him had been such that I'd never even considered the fact he may not have been able to talk Charlie into letting me stay here for now. And now it was too late. I watched the front door open, and there was Chief Swan, waiting for us with his arms crossed and a stance that meant he really wanted to show me who was boss.

_Ok Charlie, you hold all the cards, so your balls are officially bigger today. _

I crossed my fingers as we walked towards the house, hoping that I wasn't about to have a very embarrassing conversation in which the Chief told me to get the hell off of his property. Bella snatched my hand up as we walked, and I saw Charlie's lips purse slightly as she did. I tried to shake her hand off, but she glared at me and carried on regardless.

"Hey Dad, how did you get on with Carlisle?" She sounded bright and cheery, and absolutely confident. I glanced over at her beaming smile and hoped that she knew something that I didn't.

"Ok… I thought you were going to the store?" We were nearly at the door now, but he didn't move, blocking our entrance. We pulled up short on the porch, and I glanced back at Bella again.

"Well, I guess now you know why we _really_ left."

"Hmmm…" Charlie took a step back, then turned and walked into the house. As we entered, I watched him disappear into the living room. I could hear a game playing on the TV and I knew that would be the last we would see of him until dinner. As we walked past him into the kitchen I spotted a pile of blankets and a couple of pillows on one end of the couch. I guess I have a bed for the night after all.

I followed Bella into the kitchen, but as soon as she saw me she started making shooing actions at me with her hands towards the sitting room, and Charlie. "Go and sit and watch sport or something Edward." She hissed at me, as she continued to try and get me out of the kitchen.

"I don't really watch sport." I wasn't sure why she didn't want me here with her, but my feelings were a little hurt nonetheless.

"Then go and sit and _pretend _to watch sport Edward. Go and try and bond with Charlie. Carlisle's right, it would really help us if he was on our side right now."

She kept gesturing for me to go, and I gave in and headed to where Charlie was engrossed in a baseball game. I sat down on the couch, and wondered if I should say anything. He had always seemed to take his sports very seriously, and I didn't want to disturb him, so after a moment's hesitation I settled back and watched the game. We sat in silence, with me glancing at him occasionally, but his eyes never left the screen.

"So… I guess we're going to be seeing a lot of each other for a while." I started when Charlie finally spoke to me, during a commercial break in the game.

"Er…. Yeah…. I guess." _Very articulate Edward_. In truth I had no idea what to say to the man. I was amazingly grateful to him for agreeing to take me in, but I hadn't needed to rely on someone else for so long, expressing my gratitude to him seemed very alien to me.

"Just don't make me regret it son. Eh?" He was looking at the bottle of beer in his hand rather than me, and I began to really hope he wasn't going to elaborate on exactly how I could possibly make him regret it.

"I'll do my best Sir."

"Bedtime - You'll be down here and Bella will be upstairs. No discussion." Ok, so he could elaborate…

"No Sir."

"And I guess you'd better call me Charlie."

"Ok. Thanks… Charlie."

The commercials finished, and we were back to the game. Charlie's focus returned to the TV, and I began to consider what he'd just said.

Obviously he wasn't just talking about sleeping arrangements, had he effectively just warned me off anything physical with Bella while I was under his roof? Well that could have been timed better…

I scowled and continued to watch the game, wondering if a child of the 21st Century would abide by the instructions of their elders without question, as I had been taught.

***

As Bella had expected, we had fish for dinner, and since waking up as a human it was the first meal that I had not enjoyed. In fact it was quite disgusting. I hadn't liked to say so to Bella, but I had tried larger fish as a vampire, and I'd found them quite repulsive even then. Actually eating the fish itself though, well that was a whole different experience, and as I choked it down I could see she was looking at me with amusement. Clearly my poker face had a lot to be desired these days.

By the time we had eaten and cleared away after dinner, there was very little time left to do anything before it was time for bed. Both Bella and Charlie had to get up early for work the next day, and I was exhausted. After I'd taken my turn in the bathroom I came downstairs to find Bella sitting on the couch, on the freshly made bed she had obviously just created for me. I wandered over and sat beside her, pulling her into my arms as I did.

"I know I'm not allowed upstairs tonight, but is there any chance of you staying downstairs?" I smiled in the way I knew she couldn't resist, but although I wished she could stay with me I didn't doubt that Charlie was waiting for her to go back upstairs to her room.

"Charlie had his little chat with me about that earlier as well; I think you're well aware of the rules Mr. Cullen." She bit her bottom lip and batted her eyelashes at me, making my cock spring to life at her teasing.

"Urgh, Bella love, _please _don't do that…" I threw my head back against the couch, willing my body to behave itself, as I wasn't going to get a lot of sleep at this rate.

She threw her head back and laughed a tinkling carefree laugh, and she couldn't have been more beautiful. I didn't remember a time when I had ever seen her as relaxed and as happy as she had been in the last couple of days, and I hugged her closer to me simply basking in her happiness. "Charlie's waiting for me upstairs…. We don't really want to upset him on your first night here…." I could hear the regret in her voice as she looked towards the doorway.

"I know. I don't want you to go though…" I bent down and nuzzled into her neck, kissing her gently. She was wearing the same T shirt and cotton pants she wore to bed every night, but for some reason this evening they looked just that bit more alluring.

"I don't want to go either…" I felt her hands snake around my waist, as one hand slipped under my shirt onto my bare stomach. I shivered as a trail of fire followed her hand across my skin, and I searched for her mouth with mine.

There was a creak from above us as Charlie moved about upstairs, and we both froze. Gently we eased apart, the look of longing in Bella's eyes tugging hard at my heart. I longed to sleep with her in my arms again tonight, the fact that she would be so near yet so far was going to be nothing short of torture. "I can't believe I have to spend the night away from you. I always wanted to sleep, but only so that I could do so with you."

She moved forward on the couch as if to stand, then leant back again and kissed me softly on the mouth, putting her hand against my cheek as she did. "Goodnight Edward." She ran her hand down my body as she pulled away, skimming past my shoulder, chest and stomach, showing me that she could hardly bear to leave either.

"Goodnight Bella, I'll be thinking of you."

"I should hope so." She vanished through the door, and I heard her soft footsteps scamper up the stairs. I listened, but didn't hear her bedroom door shut, for which I was glad, the thought of even a door separating us was more than I could stand tonight.

I climbed into my makeshift bed, surprised by how comfortable it was, and tried to sleep. I thought it would take me forever, my mind loitering upstairs where it wanted to be, in Bella's bed, but sooner than I'd expected I drifted away.

**Bella**

I lay in my bed, utterly alone for the first time in months, and searched for sleep. My bed felt strange and empty, so used was I to Edward's presence at night. I rolled over and pulled my pillow into my arms, a poor substitute, but I could pretend. The fact that he was so close made it seem even worse, and I swear my body _ached _to be downstairs on the couch with him.

Of course it didn't help that I was also as horny as hell, and feeling a tiny bit hard done by after this afternoon. Giving Edward pleasure was by far the most erotic thing I had ever done in my life, and I could do it quite happily a dozen times a day…. But a little reciprocation is always a good thing. I knew it was my own fault, or his, depending on how you looked at it. I'd done as he'd asked and stopped things from going too far, but that had left me… _frustrated._

And now I'm lying here with my bedroom door open, as I can't bring myself to have it between us, so I can't even do anything about it……

In truth there was another reason why I couldn't sleep. After last night I was worried about Edward being alone, even just downstairs. His nightmares had been bad, worse maybe than he had realised. He'd been awake so much in the night, I just waiting for it to start all over again tonight.

As I worried, grumbled, fretted, tossed and turned, I fell asleep without even noticing.

I wasn't sure how long I'd been asleep for when it started.

I went from asleep to awake in a fraction of a second, awoken by howling; the like of which I'd never heard before in my life. I leapt out of bed and dashed onto the landing, only to be confronted by Charlie holding a baseball bat. He was wearing a white wife beater shirt with hot pink boxer shorts, and an expression I recognised as belonging to the Chief of Police.

"What in the hell was that?" He whispered to me as he crept towards the stairs, with me close behind.

The noise started again, and I pushed past Charlie and flew down the stairs, tumbling down the last two and almost breaking my ankle in the process. I dragged myself back to my feet with Charlie still only half way down the stairs behind me, and threw myself towards the living room. I knew the noise was coming from Edward, but the scene in front of me was worse than I could have even imagined.

He was thrashing around on the floor, clearly having fallen off the couch as he struggled. Tears streaked down his face as he began to howl again. I stood frozen in the doorway as Charlie finally arrived by my side. "Oh…" His breath left him almost soundlessly, his face betraying his shock at the sight before him.

Charlie's presence brought me to my senses and I ran to Edward, hurling myself down on the floor and gathering him into my arms tightly as I tried to wake him up. "Edward… baby… please wake up…. I'm here… Shhh…." I rocked him against me like a child, and whispered into his ear as he finally woke, shaking and sobbing with sweat running in rivulets down his chest and back.

I looked up and caught Charlie's eye, and he backed away and vanished up the stairs again. I didn't expect to see him again tonight.

After what felt like an age Edward calmed down, and allowed me to slide him back onto the couch. There really wasn't enough room for two, but I curled myself around him, leaning up against the arm of the couch to stop myself from falling off.

"Don't leave me Bella." His voice sounded small and frightened in the dark, and made me cling to him even tighter.

"Shhh, go to sleep, I'm not going anywhere." I gently pushed his sweat drenched hair out of his face. My fingers began to stroke along his cheek in a soothing rhythm, calming him and me down at the same time.

He found sleep again quickly, for which I was relieved, but I was awake for several hours that night. I had realised that tomorrow was going to bring a very awkward conversation with Charlie, as the couch was just _not_ going to do.

*****

"Bells honey…. Bells…." Charlie was whispering to me, and it took me a minute to remember how to open my eyes. "Bella, you've got to go to work."

I finally got my eyes open and stared at Charlie groggily. It had probably only been two or three hours since I had finally gone to sleep and my head was swimming. I tried to move and a sharp jolt of pain shot down my neck. "Owwww…." I whispered my cry of pain, with my hand flying to my neck, very aware of Edward lying asleep so close to me that I think he was actually using me as a pillow.

"You really can't sleep like that Bells, you'll hurt yourself." He was leaning down looking down at me, his eyes concerned, and I suddenly realised the position we were in on the couch. I glanced from him to Edward and felt my face heat with embarrassment at how we looked. I thanked God that the blankets had stayed in place over us, as underneath them it was actually worse than it seemed. Edward was lying with my legs wrapped around him, and my other hand was firmly ensconced under his shirt.

Why do we keep waking up like this? Oh yeah……

Charlie suddenly noticed my discomfort and stood up. "I'll let you get yourself sorted out. I'm going for some breakfast." He turned and walked away without looking back.

I gently eased myself away from Edward. He hadn't woken again after I had joined him in the night, but he looked exhausted. I managed to extricate my arms and legs from him, and left him sleeping soundly as I headed upstairs to use the bathroom for a moment.

Rather than getting ready immediately, I headed downstairs again to join Charlie for breakfast. I knew that he would be leaving shortly, and I needed to talk to him. This conversation wasn't going to be fun, but there really is no time like the present.

"Can you pour me a cup, Dad?" He jumped as I walked into the room, clearly not expecting to see me downstairs yet. I sat at the kitchen table and tried to stretch out the kink in my neck, while he poured me a cup of coffee. He brought it over to me with his own and sat down opposite me.

"So… Carlisle wasn't kidding then." The best thing about talking to Charlie was, there was no beating about the bush.

"No. Not at all." I met his eyes and could see he was worried about this, I just wasn't sure if it was for Edward or for me.

"How long's this been going on for Bells? Is he seeing someone about it?"

"Just a few days, Carlisle's handling it. He's hoping that Edward will get it out of his system fairly quickly." As was I, seeing _Edward _like that last night had damn near broken my heart.

"I didn't hear him again…. you know…. after we came down." He looked uncomfortable and for a moment I felt a stab of pity for him. Charlie was not known for saying anything meaningful, and I understood that this entire thing must have been making him deeply uncomfortable.

"No, he seems to be ok if I'm there with him."

"Were you with him the night before, when you said you were with Alice?" Oh crap. I sometimes forget that he's a cop.

"Yes." My voice came out very quietly, but I did not break eye contact. I felt no shame at where I'd been, if a little at the fact I had lied about it.

"Hmm… I think I need to speak to your mother about all this." His words worried me, but the compassion I could see in his eyes reassured me that I wasn't about to be packed off to Florida any moment.

I nodded slowly, trying to get up the courage to say what I needed to. "Dad… The couch isn't really…"

He interrupted me before I could finish. "Let me talk to your mother Bella. Maybe you'd better talk to her too." He didn't seem to want to be pushed further for now, so I let it be. We sat quietly together and ate our breakfast, pleased for the company, and also the peace we brought to each other so easily.

After Charlie left for the station I had to rush to get washed and dressed myself. I had three more days left working at Newton's store, mainly to help with clearing out for the end of the summer season. I'd left a full week and a half clear between finishing there and the beginning of school to spend with Edward, knowing that he'd been frustrated by how much I'd worked over the summer. I had been determined to do so though, and was proud of the reasonably sized contribution I'd made to my college fund over the summer.

Before I left I went to wake Edward, unable to stand the rest of the day without at least being able to kiss him good morning.

"Baby… wake up Edward… Edward… Honestly Edward you sleep like the dead… Wake up." I chortled to myself a little at my unintended joke as he finally stirred, then promptly rolled over and fell off the couch.

"Ouch!" He looked up at me with a slightly dazed expression as I tried to bite back the chuckle that was bubbling up my throat. "Thanks for that Bella. I guess that's one way to wake up." The sarcastic tone he used wasn't something I was used to from him, but then a lot had changed in the last few days. He got up off the floor and promptly sat down again on the couch, pulling me into his lap and grinding himself into me as he did. "You don't have to go to work just yet do you?" He ran his hand down my side, stopping at the top of my hip as he spoke. "I can think of a better way to wake us both up."

"Fairly soon, I woke up late." I leaned my head back on his shoulder as I spoke, really enjoying the feel of him grinding his hard-on into me a little too much. "But if you keep doing that I'm gonna have to quit."

"Sounds good to me. I'm going to be so bored here by myself." He had started rubbing circles into my hip, and with each swirl of his hand he was moving further forwards, closer and closer to where I wanted him. I couldn't hold back a slight moan as I felt my body throb, desperate for his touch, still horny as hell from yesterday. "And there's so many things I can think of we can do with the house to ourselves."

"Really…" I could hardly think as his hand moved and cupped my centre through my jeans. I hissed as he began to rub gently, using just the right amount of pressure through the fabric.

"Damn… Bella… I can feel your heat right through your pants…" As he rubbed my legs seemed to fall open more of their own accord, and he moved so his legs were between them, spreading them further by pulling apart his own knees. His hand moved to the button on the top of my pants and hovered there. "May I…?"

I nodded, feeling too shy to actually say anything out loud at this point. I was glad that I was facing away from him, as although I desperately wanted him to touch me, I wasn't quite sure I could look him in the eye while he did it just yet.

He undid my pants and slid his hand in quickly. Running his hand down over the crotch of my panties he groaned loudly in my ear. I felt him stiffen further against my back as his fingers explored me over the thin layer of cloth. "Oh God Bella…. You're so wet… I want to… I want to touch you…"

My hips pushed forward as he spoke, electricity beginning to buzz through his hand into me, making me hum with pleasure. "Touch me Edward."

His hand moved up again, only to slide under the cotton of my panties. He ran his finger gently downwards; until I twitched and moaned as he grazed the bundle of nerves I wanted him to touch the most. He paused, and then stroked me there again, making my hips jerk in response.

I felt him press his hardened length more firmly against my back as he repeatedly stroked my clit, forming a rhythm between us as we moaned against each other. After a few moments I felt his hand slide down lower, until he brushed against my entrance, he froze and hissed by my ear, just stroking his finger gently against me. I felt his length surge hard against me as he pushed the tip of one finger softly inside me, moving it in and out slowly, almost reverently.

"Oh you're so wet… God I want you Bella… I want to be inside you…" He pushed his finger in a little more and I writhed in pleasure, wanting nothing more than his touch.

His thumb found my clit, and he found the most delicious rhythm against me, his finger entering slightly more with each stroke as my hips rocked against his throbbing erection behind me.

His finger curled round, stroking inside me on a spot I hadn't even known existed, and I swore as he did. He increased the pressure and I moaned, unable to keep the sounds in.

"I love it when you moan Bella. I love your sounds, they make me so hard." His hot breath on my neck sent another thrill through me, and I leant back and searched for his mouth for an awkward kiss.

His other hand slid up under my shirt, and began to tease my breast through my bra, as I felt myself begin to tighten around his finger.

"Oh… Edward… Don't stop…" I could feel the coil tightening in my stomach as he pushed a second finger into me and began to move faster against me. My hips rocked more rapidly as I threw my head back hard against his shoulder and began to moan.

"Come for me Bella…" His voice sounded strained as he panted in my ear, and the sound of the lust in his voice finally tipped me over the edge.

"Edward… Yes! …oh God Yes! ...unhh…" I felt my muscles clench around his fingers as I saw stars, finally releasing the tension that had been buzzing through my body since last night. I felt him suddenly tense behind me and groan as the final spasms rocked through me, and I felt his length twitching against my back.

We both flopped back against the couch, I lazily looked around towards him in time to see him put the fingers he had just used against me into his mouth. He saw me looking and raised an eyebrow slowly as he licked his fingers clean. "Mmmm…. Bella-y"

I wrinkled my nose at him and laughed. "Yuk Edward." He was still licking his fingers, "Isn't that gross?"

"Not in the slightest…. And I plan to get used to the taste anyway…" The look on his face made me pull away a little, even now his eyes were full of lust and I could still feel him, _firmly_ behind me, despite the fact I knew he had finished too.

Suddenly I began to worry that I wasn't doing what Edward has asked me to. Was this something he might come to regret? "Um… Edward…. I'm getting worried here…. You made me promise you, you know…."

"I'm not going to worry about that anymore Bella… I've had a change of heart."

_HUH?_

"I'm going to embrace who I am now; I don't want to keep hold of my hang ups anymore."

"_What_…?" A big part of me was bouncing around inside my head doing a happy dance, and wondering how long I had to listen to this conversation before I could, with some grace, rip all of Edward's clothes off and jump him. Unfortunately another part was replaying a certain conversation _from only a couple of days ago _in my head.

"I love you Bella. I want to make love to you. I want everything with you." As he spoke he ran kisses up the side of my neck, while massaging my breasts with his hands. "I can't wait anymore, I _need _you."

I laid my head back again and groaned, hoping that the good bit of my brain would shut the hell up. But when it didn't, I sat up again and moved off of Edward and onto the couch beside him. "I don't think that would be a good idea Edward."

"It sounds like a fantastic idea to me…" He leant forward and kissed me again, thrusting his tongue into my mouth and making me forget all reason for a moment as I leaned into him and grasped my fingers into his hair.

He started undoing the buttons on my shirt, and I pulled away from his kiss. He looked at me questioningly, and as I stared back into his eyes I realised that Edward clearly was not himself. "I need to go to work." I pulled away and tried to stand, but he reached his arms around my waist and stopped me.

"No you don't, you never have, as you very well know. Stay with me today, _come to bed with me._" His voice was low, alluring and filled with desire.

I closed my eyes and groaned, my girly parts doing the fandango in excitement from just the tone of his voice, and even more so from the words he was using. But the bit of me that always put him before myself was stronger, and I managed, somehow, to pull away again. "You clearly aren't yourself Edward. Let's talk about this in a few days."

"I am myself Bella, and I know what I want. I want you. Only you. Always you. In every way. My love, my life, my wife… " He was edging towards me again, and I felt my resolve weakening. "But right now? I want you to be my lover…"

I leapt off of the couch and headed towards the door, with my fingers in my ears as I did. "La la la la. I can't hear you." I said in a loud sing-song voice as he looked at me in confusion. "I'm going to work now, la la la." I ran out of the front door, barely pausing to slam it before running to my truck. I jumped in and gunned it, as I pulled away I saw Edward standing in the window watching me, a crooked smile on his confused face.

I knew I must have looked like an idiot, running out of the room with my pants still undone and my fingers in my ears, but there were really only so many times that I would be able to say no to him in that conversation.

I looked down as I drove; making a mental note to ensure I did my pants up before I walked into Newton's store.

**Edward**

So what the hell was _that_?

Ok, so I hadn't expected Bella to leap on me and rip all of my clothes off at my little revelation (speculated about it maybe), but to run out of the door with her fingers in her ears? Had I misconstrued her feelings that much?

I stood and replayed our conversation in my head, noting how poorly timed it had been, as well as how unromantic a setting I had chosen to say what I was thinking. I groaned when I realised how much I had probably upset her, behaving with so little decorum and offering her no romance in the moment at all. I looked down at myself, my cock standing to attention again, which seemed to be a virtual constant these days.

"It's all your fault." I growled at it, as I gathered my things and headed upstairs to get ready.

*****

I pulled on the clothes I had actually thought to take into the bathroom with me this morning, a white button down shirt and some khakis. I was doing my best to forget the nightmare I'd been having last night when Bella had woken me. From the very fact that she was there I had to assume I'd been crying out in my sleep again.

This time, instead of being pursued, I had been the one doing the chasing. Bnd the most horrifying thing was; that even now, I remembered all too clearly the event I had been dreaming about; the last human life I had taken.

The horror was rising up in me, trying to take me again, and I fought it off in vain. I knew that the only thing that had kept the nightmare away for the rest of the night had been the fact I was lying wrapped in Bella's arms and legs, which had proven to be a very suitable distraction.

But the fact remained; tonight would come around all too quickly, and the nightmares it seemed were bound to come again. I closed my eyes, unable to look myself in the face as my memory replayed the nightmare again and again. I could feel my hands shaking as I saw the look of terror in my victims eyes the moment I had taken him.

No, I was not looking forward to tonight. I opened my eyes again and sighed as the despair tried to take me. For decades I had dreamed of sleep, and for months now I had longed for it, if only to lie in Bella's arms to do so, and now the thought filled me with horror. If every night I was to be tortured like this I wasn't sure I could handle it. At least when I was awake I had a degree of control over my thoughts. The sheer powerlessness I felt while asleep was the most terrifying thing about it, even worse than the nightmare itself.

_You know you don't have to keep doing this… you have another option…_

What the hell? I shook my head, shocked that even in my deepest darkest self I could think that, that I could even consider throwing away the gift I had been given.

I caught my own eye in the mirror and internally berated myself for an instant, before I was distracted by something.

I looked at my reflection and frowned slightly. Taking a really close look at myself I was suddenly hit with a realisation.

I look like… kind of a dick. Marvellous. I'm wearing $1000 worth of clothes, which are too old for me and make me look like I've got a stick up my butt. What was Alice thinking?

I frowned for a minute, and then I decided I was going shopping.

"_Riiiiiing!" _My cell phone rattled across the bathroom counter beside me.

… And think of the devil.

I picked up my cell, preparing myself for a tornado.

"Are you freaking _kidding_ me Edward Cullen?" Ah yes, she's pissed big time. "That shirt is _Ralph Lauren. _It is _beautiful_."

"But Alice, I look like a kid dressed up to go to see my grandparents or something. I look like a complete dick."

"Nghhhh…. Argh….Tsh….!" Alice seemed to lose all reason down the phone at me for a moment, and I silently thanked God that this wasn't a conversation that we'd had face to face. After all, I was irritating a vampire; I was fairly sure that the question of me wearing these pants or not today would have become academic very quickly if I'd had to watch her react like this in front of me.

"I've got nothing better to do anyway; Bella's working, so it's either go out and do some shopping, or head to the hospital to see Carlisle." And I did not fancy the latter option one little bit. Some of the tests Carlisle had been thinking about yesterday had seemed entirely too personal and invasive for my liking. Sorry Carlisle, I know you're interested, but my ass is really a no go zone.

"And what, _exactly_, do you plan on buying?" Alice sounded slightly less exasperated now, well, at least real words were coming out of her mouth anyway.

"I don't know, just some more jeans and T shirts, stuff to make me… blend in a bit more." And to gain a little more of the 'just fell out of bed' look that seemed to do so well for me yesterday afternoon…

"Where were you planning on going?" I could hear Alice was angling for an invite, but I wasn't quite sure whether or not I wanted to do that, I didn't enjoy shopping with her at the best of times.

"Probably Port Angeles, I still don't really fancy the drive into Seattle."

"Oh no, you'll get no real variety there, and there's hardly any designer presence at all!" The horrified tone in her voice made me smile, and I realised that actually, maybe I would like to see her after all.

"Well, I was just thinking variety along the lines of black, grey, white, blue…." I couldn't resist teasing Alice for a moment, breaking out into a smirk as she started growling down the phone at me.

"Grr…. _Edward Cullen_, if you think I'm going to let you buy what you think you're going to buy, you have another think coming!"

I couldn't bring myself to tease her anymore, so I decided to just let Alice come shopping with me.

"Oooh! Excellent. I'll be there in ten minutes. I'll borrow Carlisle's car so we have plenty of room for all the bags! Do you think we should get Bella too?"

Oh how I wish we could.

"No, she's working and she wouldn't thank us if we tried."

"Ok, I'll see you in ten!"

The phone went dead in my hand and I gazed at it for a moment before I shoved it in my pocket. I ran my hands through my hair a couple of times as I watched myself in the bathroom mirror, not sure if I was more apprehensive about seeing Alice, or having to go shopping with her.

I shrugged and decided to grab some breakfast before she arrived. At least then if I needed to vomit in terror at her presence I'd have some ammunition.

* * *

**A/N - Wow! Seriously everyone, thank you so much for all of your reviews and alerts and favourites, it really does make all this so much more fun for me. Hence a nice citrusy update for you today! Please keep it up - I do my own little happy dance every time my inbox tells me I have mail.**

**We're going to see some more Cullens in the next chapter, and if I'm feeling really happy I might convince Edward to crack about how all this came about. He's being very tight lipped though, I get the impression he's pretty embarrassed about the whole event…..**

**I don't usually recommend other fics, as I feel a little arrogant telling people what they should read, but if you haven't found "Bare" by stella luna sky yet, you're in for a treat, the girl is a poet! If you're more in the mood for hot Edward though, go and find "Femme Docs and Kevlar Knights" by A Cullen Wannabe. Edward in SWAT? HOT or WHAT? **

**Lol.**

**As I said at the beginning, I read far too much fanfic, so if you wanted more recs pm me, or let me know in a review…. ;)**

_**Finally**_** - The Eddies and the Bellies are open for nominations as of tonight. Please go to www(dot)thecatt(dot)net and nominate your favorite stories/authors!**

**Ria.**


	11. A new man

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight! As of today though, I already have in my possession 3 Christmas cards. I mean, what's that about? It's the 7th of December people!

A huge thank you goes to my Beta venomaddict, who makes me look cleverer than I am. ;)

* * *

**Alice**

As soon as I put the phone down on Edward I was heading for the door, absolutely excited to bits that he was ready to see me. I'd been seeing flashes of him and me together all morning, but it wasn't clear when it was going to happen, so for a change I was half surprised.

As I left I heard Jazz call out a goodbye to me from his study upstairs, but he made no move to join me. I knew that he was worried about seeing Edward, and was in no way ready for that yet. Over the summer Edward had continued to keep Bella and Jasper apart, fearing his reaction to her, and as much as it pains me to admit it, he was probably right to have done so. Jasper's control is still not what he would like it to be, and Bella doesn't only smell good to Edward. But the strain upon him from having not just one, but suddenly two human members of the family, only seemed to be adding more pressure onto my poor Jazzy, and I had been watching his future like a hawk. There had been nothing specific yet, but something was bothering me…..

As for Edward himself, his future wasn't as clear to me as it had been before, but having been so attuned to him for so many years, I had still been able to see many things related to him over the last few days.

I first saw his change the night before it happened, and it came out of absolutely nowhere. One minute I was sitting in Jasper's lap reading a lovely fluffy vampire novel (they always make me laugh, and this one is particularly funny), the next I was standing at the window, gazing out into the darkness in shock. There was no lead-up to it; simply the vision of him waking up human beside Bella, so whatever caused this was one very specific event, which happened at precisely 10.15pm on Friday night.

But it's safe to say, that wasn't the last vision I'd had of our newly human Edward. He had been providing me (and of course the rest of the family – he's going to be pissed about that) a great deal of amusement over the last few days. I wasn't sure what had happened to him, but as a human he was impetuous, horny, and didn't seem to think ahead by more than about fifteen minutes at a time.

In fact, he seems to have turned into a seventeen year old boy…..

My visions hadn't all been sweetness and light though, far from it. The nightmares he had been having had been horrifying, and I'd somehow managed to share a couple of them with him. I'd never been so close to someone with the ability to dream before, I had no idea I even had the ability to see that, but I did. Before Carlisle intervened and managed to secure him a bed for the night at Bella's house I saw some horrific nights for Edward, alone and afraid.

I shook my head dismissing things that I knew would now not happen. Thank God. I was very interested to see how Bella was going to convince Charlie to let Edward sleep in her bed though; that girl must have some serious negotiation skills that I never even knew about.

I was actually more worried about a vision that had repeatedly flickered in and out ever since he had changed, and that was of Edward changing back into a vampire. It only ever came and went quickly, and by the nature of it I couldn't see why he would change back, just that he did. Every time the consequences were different, but just as dire, and for the last day or so I had been watching for them closely to try and understand what it meant.

It had just happened again moments before Edward had decided to go shopping. This time the vision had lasted only a split second, but it was long enough to see Edward as a vampire going to the Volturi - which is _never_ a good thing. I was trying to decide whether or not I should try and talk to Edward about these visions as I made my way towards the car, when Rosalie stepped in front of me.

"You're going to see him." She was looking at her nails, flicking away a pretend bit of dirt from underneath one of them to avoid looking me in the eye.

"Yes I am. What do you want Rose?"

"I want to come, it's been _three days _Alice, and I might be losing my chance if I don't see him soon. You have to let me come with you!" She finally caught my eye, and I could see how desperate she was. For a moment I decided to allow her to come with me, and was immediately hit by a vision of Edward barricading himself in Bella's house away from us, and Rosalie becoming increasingly unstable trying to get to him. I quickly changed my mind.

"Sorry Rose, that's just not a good idea at the moment, he can't even cope with Carlisle yet. We have to take this slowly if we want to have him back in some way." In my mind I could still see the vision of me arriving at Bella's, and Edward _not _freaking out, it seemed quite solid so I was hoping it would happen just as I saw it. I really missed my brother.

"Who died and made you God? He's my brother too, if I want to go and see him I will." She huffed and went to walk towards her BMW. I saw my meeting with Edward flicker in my mind, and I reached out to grab her by the arm, stopping her from moving.

"Emmett, can you come here please?" I spoke firmly; sure that he would be able to hear me from wherever he was in the house. Rosalie was pulling against my arm and I was beginning to see me and her falling out any second. Before my vision could become any clearer Emmett was beside her, taking my hand from her arm, but firmly replacing it with his own.

"It's ok Rosie, let's let Alice handle Eddie for now shall we?" I saw their eyes meet and a silent communication pass between them, and all was right in my vision again.

"Rose," I reached out and took her hand as I spoke, as I knew this must be hard for her. "It's just a matter of time; he will come around, I've seen it. But seriously, if we rush him there's a chance we'll scare him off. He's not just afraid for himself; if he thinks we're a threat to Bella, and realises that he can't protect her from us…" I shivered, the outcome of that scenario not something I wanted to think about for any of our sakes.

"Then you have to make him tell you what happened, I have to know!" The urgency was back in her face, and I realised that even Emmett wasn't going to be able to keep her from Edward for much longer.

"I'll try, but he told Carlisle that he didn't know what had happened." _Even though I don't believe him._

"I don't believe him." She glared at me for a moment, and I held her gaze, not willing to share the fact that I didn't either. She finally harrumphed again and swung around and headed back towards the house, leaving Emmett beside me, watching her leave.

"I'm not going to be able to hold her back for long Alice; you know how bad she wants this." Emmett started to walk back towards the house behind Rosalie as he spoke. Yes I knew how much she wanted this, but there was no indication in my visions of Rosalie ever becoming human again. I hoped furiously that she would be able to live with that, as I jumped into the car to go to Edward.

I drove slowly to Bella's house, giving Edward a few minutes to collect himself. I was fairly confident that he would be ok with me; a fact that I was sure would not impress Carlisle, who was actually rather miffed at Edward's reaction to him so far. Edward managed to surprise me again though, as when I pulled up he was standing outside the house already, gazing at his beloved Volvo.

He turned towards me gradually. I didn't get out of the car immediately, staying put, partly to give him a moment, but also partly because I was just so shocked at seeing him there before me.

He was right, of course. The clothes he was wearing no longer suited him; he looked younger now, flesh and blood aside he had also lost the other physical changes that becoming a vampire confer. His features were rounded and less perfect, his muscles less defined. But it was more than that, his posture as he stood struck me as different. Rather than standing tall and straight as I was used to, he was slouching alarmingly, leaning against the tree in Bella's yard with one hand running through the bronze rat's nest currently sitting on his head. He looked as if he still hadn't shaved (which I for one was glad about, I didn't need fresh blood around me) and he was completely disheveled from head to toe. I had to admit one thing though, it really did suit him.

_Oh, look at the state of you Edward! Whatever am I to do with you?_

I deliberately spoke only in my mind, thinking that this might be more comfortable for him.

"Thanks Alice." He turned back towards his car, and I waited for him to speak again, he seemed lost in thought. "Did you realise, that I drive an old man's car?"

_Well. To be honest Edward, you are an old man._

He frowned for a few moments, looking back towards the car, and I suddenly saw a vision of the two of us standing in the BMW dealership in Port Angeles, obviously very shortly. He turned around towards me again with a grin, clearly having seen it with me, and I knew it was time to get out of the car.

"Really Edward? You've always been so opposed to Rosalie's BMW." As I got out of the Mercedes I watched him carefully, checking for any sign that I was alarming him, but despite the panic I knew he had suffered with Carlisle he seemed to still be relatively relaxed.

"Rosalie's car is red, and unnecessarily flashy. I think a nice little black 3 series would do me nicely actually." I waited as he approached me, hesitating about ten feet away. "Anyway, it's not like I have to remain as inconspicuous as I used to, is it?"

I took another moment to see all of the changes in Edward up close, but there was little I hadn't already been able to discern from further away. The one thing I did notice though, was when I looked into his eyes quite how lost he looked.

"I'm not lost Alice. It's just taking a little time for me to get used to the changes." He snapped at me, but behind his vehement denial I could hear the nerve I had touched still vibrating.

"I want to hug you Edward… but I don't want to do anything to upset you." I saw alarm pass over his features for an instant, before he took a step towards me, followed by another. I held my arms out, and a moment later he was there, dwarfing me still, but suddenly so soft in my arms.

I hugged him gently with my face pressed into his chest, aware of how fragile he was, and he hugged me back. His warmth was so alien, but he was still so inherently Edward that it was as if nothing had changed, and I felt relief wash over me. I would get to keep my brother a little longer, even if it wasn't anywhere near as long as we had expected.

"Ow. Alice, easy does it, you're squashing me; I actually need those kidneys these days." I stepped back and smiled, glad to hear the humour in his voice. He was showing no outward signs of the fear he had displayed around Carlisle, and I was curious as to why.

"You seem ok, around me I mean, you seemed to struggle more around Carlisle…" I watched him hoping that the fear wasn't about to creep up on him.

"Yeah, I don't know why. Maybe there's just nothing that's going to make me frightened of you, shorty." He ruffled my hair affectionately and I had to bite back a growl, he was dealing with things well, but I wasn't sure it was _that _well.

"So… are we shopping? And not just for a car, before you start!" The vision of us in the BMW dealership solidified, now with a shiny new black BMW added to the picture. "Are you sure Bella won't mind if you go and buy a new car without her?"

"Alice, she will be delighted that I didn't take her, as you well know." He grinned, and the warmth in his eyes when he thought of her was stunning. It seems the changes in their relationship, that I had been getting X rated visions of much to my horror, had only increased their bond. It made the fogginess of their future all the more difficult to understand. "But do you mind if we take the Volvo instead of Carlisle's Mercedes? I'd like to get shot of the old-man-mobile as quickly as possible, I think."

We set off towards Port Angeles in the Volvo, and I had to concentrate hard on not growling in frustration at Edward's driving. He stuck to the speed limit for the entire journey, which meant what should have taken us twenty minutes would take nearly an hour. But I knew this was for the best, his reactions had returned to those of a human, and if we were in any kind of accident he would no longer be able to walk away from it unscathed.

We were silent for the first few minutes of the drive. I could tell by his heart rate that he was finding being in a confined space with me more difficult than outside, but gradually he calmed down, until he relaxed enough that I asked him what I really wanted to know.

"How are you finding it Edward, really? I've been watching…" His eyes flashed to me for an instant and I hurried to explain. "Just to be sure you're ok. You have no idea how worried we've all been about you."

He was silent again for a few minutes. I knew he was going to reply eventually, so I gave him time. "It's hard Alice. I feel so weak, and afraid. Sleeping is just horrible; the nightmares are enough to drive me insane, I think."

I watched as his hands tightened on the steering wheel as he drove, and I remained quiet, knowing that he wasn't done.

"But at the same time, I feel so ungrateful for feeling like that, even fleetingly. To be human, now with Bella, is more than I ever could have hoped for… The hormones are a bit of a trial though."

I snorted, having seen quite how much of a trial Edward and Bella had found the hormones so far. "I don't think either of you could be blamed for that. You've spent the last seven months hardly able to touch each other, and now to be able to do so… I'm surprised you've even gotten out of bed yet. I know if it was me and Jazz we'd still be at the hotel. And he wouldn't have passed out drunk!" I rolled my eyes as Edward grimaced out of the windscreen.

"I don't know, I don't seem to be reading Bella very well about that either at the moment." He sighed as I looked over at him incredulously.

"Don't you remember what you said to her on Saturday night? Which I might add was completely ridiculous! You've made her guardian of your virtue for Christ sakes Edward, and now you've changed your mind, and she doesn't know what to think!" I stopped and lowered my voice slightly, hearing Edward's heart rate start to increase; I didn't want to frighten him.

"Why have you changed your mind so suddenly, anyway? I can see your attitude changing about lots of things, but I didn't see what happened to change it." I knew he had made some kind of decision on Sunday afternoon, but not being able to read minds, I'd not really understood at the time what he'd been thinking.

He smiled, and the warmth was back in his eyes, "I decided to try and embrace being seventeen in this time, to not try and be the seventeen year old I was when I was changed in 1918, but to try and be someone new. _Someone who belongs with Bella." _He whispered the last part so quietly that I didn't think a human would have heard it, even sitting in the seat beside him.

"Didn't you think the old you belonged with her?" This explained a lot to me. For much of the summer I had been seeing visions of both Bella and Edward broken and alone, but they were so fleeting and clouded there was nothing I could do about them. I had been hoping they would be something that would never come to pass.

"I knew I didn't." My heart broke slightly at the look on his face as he spoke, and I thanked God for an instant that that was not a life any of us would have to live.

"It was only a matter of time…. I couldn't change her." He was shaking his head slowly; I didn't think he was even aware that he was doing it. "Whatever I said about staying as she grew older; sooner or later she would have realised that I was stopping her from living a normal life." Suddenly he brightened, a wide smile breaking across his face. "But now I don't have to go anywhere. I can be everything she ever needs."

"Then why do I keep seeing flashes of you as a vampire Edward? Of both of you just as broken as you would have been if you'd left her before?" _Shit did I say that out loud? _

His eyes darkened, and I worried that I'd pushed him too far. This soft Edward was fragile in more ways than just physically at the moment.

Finally he sighed and relaxed his shoulders, "Those would be the moments when the coward in me wins, Alice."

I waited but he didn't say anything else.

The rest of our journey to Port Angeles passed quietly. Edward asked me about the rest of the family, and how they were coping with what had happened to him. He had seen Carlisle of course, but he hadn't really elaborated on what had happened at home since Edward had left us. I told him about the shock we had all felt, followed by how Esme had been so happy for him that she had insisted on helping me pack his case, choosing the cds I had brought over with his clothes in order for him to have a little bit of home with him.

I didn't tell him about how Emmett had laughed so hard when Edward had gone on the rampage in Bella's kitchen, that he had somehow managed to knock the couch through the French doors. Just as I didn't mention the fact that Jasper had spent six hours straight convincing me to tell him why I had laughed so hard about Edward's first human shower, or the fact that in the end I'd caved and told him all about it.

_That reminds me, I must get hold of the pictures of the state of the kitchen from Bella later, I promised Emmett I would._

"You promised Emmett you would?!" _Oh crap, I forgot he could still read my mind. _

Edward looked at me in alarm, and for the rest of our journey I reluctantly confessed quite how much of the last few days I had seen, and passed on to the rest of the family. Safe to say, he wasn't impressed.

**Bella**

As soon as I arrived for work, well, after doing my pants up and making sure I looked vaguely presentable, I shot out the back intent on calling Renee. Mike had finally given up trying to talk to me first thing every morning by now, realising that even without Edward by my side, he really didn't have a hope in hell. I was relieved by the fact that I no longer had to fall over him every time I turned around while in the store.

The shop was quiet, and the only things I knew we really needed to do today would be to clear out the summer stock and replacing it with the autumn ranges. I wanted to get to Renee before Charlie could, and because of that I made myself ignore the guilt of running up an interstate bill on the Newton's phone. I figured with the wages they were paying me this summer, one call wasn't going to hurt.

As I dialed, I prayed I wouldn't get an engaged tone. One way or another I couldn't leave Edward alone at night anymore, and my best bet with Charlie was to get Renee on side.

Luck was with me, and the phone began to ring. I knew it was early, and that she was likely to still be in bed, so I waited for her to answer. After fourteen rings she finally picked up.

"What?" She sounded grouchy, and I knew I had just woken her up. This was not going to help my case.

"Mom, it's me. I have a problem, and I really need your help." My voice might have sounded a little more panicked than I meant it to, but in truth I was really desperate to not leave Edward alone tonight. Her sharp intake of breath though, made me realise that I needed to tone it down a bit.

"Oh my God, what is it Bella?" I hated the fact I'd upset her, and immediately tried to backpedal.

"I'm ok Mom, really I'm fine… I just need your help with Charlie. Edward and I-"

She cut me short before I could finish, "Are you pregnant Bella? Oh my God, you are aren't you? I knew when you were down in Phoenix that things were serious between you two… why aren't you still on the pill!?" Her voice had got louder and louder as she spoke, and I kicked myself at how quickly I'd managed to screw this conversation up.

"Mom. Stop. Seriously. I am _not_ pregnant. I _am _still on the pill, even though I am also still a virgin so it hasn't been necessary." I heard her breathe a sigh of relief as I continued. "But I still need your help, and it does concern Edward."

"Ok honey. Shit. You scared me there." It sounded like she was almost laughing, and I rolled my eyes at her reaction.

"Mom, this is me. Honestly, I am the last person in the whole world who's going to get pregnant by accident while I'm still a teenager. I promise."

"I know sweetie, I just hate that you're dealing with your first serious boyfriend and I'm not there. Are you really still a virgin though? _Does he have some kind of problem?_" She whispered the last sentence down the line as if she was worried that Edward may be nearby and might hear her.

"Mom, it's not like that…" But what was it like? My mind wandered to Edward this morning, and I wondered what would have happened if I hadn't been an idiot and run out of the door with my fingers in my ears.

"Honey, erectile dysfunction is a medical condition. If he's having problems then maybe he should see someone. I could give you some hints but I'm not really the person to be asking about-" Suddenly I felt like sticking my fingers in my ears again.

"Mom, Edward does not have erectile dysfunction, I can assure you! Far from it!" I suddenly heard a small cough from behind me. I turned to find Mike staring at me, the tips of his ears rapidly turning pink.

He threw his hands up, palms facing towards me, a wide smirk crossing his face, "I'm saying nothing Bella!" He backed away from me and out of the door, as I groaned. That was a conversation I really hoped he wouldn't be repeating.

"So what is it honey?" I thanked God that she seemed to have grasped that I wasn't ringing for sex tips, as I moved towards the door and checked that Mike wasn't standing outside listening in.

"Mom, Edward's having some problems." I fumbled as I tried to get the story that Carlisle had told Charlie straight in my mind. "Carlisle was around when Edward lost his parents, and for some reason Edward has begun uncovering some repressed memories which is making it hard for him to be at home right now. Charlie has agreed already that he can stay with us."

"Ok, well, that sounds fine to me honey. You know I'm worried about how serious you two are, being so young, but I know that boy would do anything for you. So what's the problem?"

"Well, his nightmares are just…" I paused, remembering Edward on the sitting room floor last night. I shivered, wishing that I could just erase that picture from my memory. "They're just horrible Mom, he's really only ok if I'm with him…even then it's not good. Last night was a bit scary to be honest."

"Weren't you with him last night?" She sounded puzzled, and I suddenly realised that if she wanted to give me tips on arousing my boyfriend, she would most likely expect that we had at least shared a bed last night.

"He's sleeping on the couch, but it's not really enough. I ended up down there with him last night." I stretched my neck and cringed as the muscle groaned at me. "I think I've really messed my neck up actually."

Renee was quiet for a moment, and I guessed she'd finally figured out my problem. "Bella, while you're under Charlie's roof I can't really intervene… I mean, if you were here I wouldn't have an issue with you two sharing a bed. To be honest, I think the last place you'd really want to have sex would be in a creaky old bed in the room next door to your parent. And there's nothing that can be done at night that can't be done just as easily during the day… But if that's what Charlie wants…"

I leapt in, seeing a window of opportunity and grabbing it, "He said he was going to call you. I don't think he knows how to handle this at all, especially after seeing Edward screaming the house down last night."

"Hmmm. Ok, let me talk to him honey and I'll see what we can work out. You'll need to buy a bigger bed though, there won't be room for two of you in that ancient little thing you have in your room at the moment." I smiled as she spoke, thinking about just how many nights we had spent together in that tiny little bed. God I had missed him last night.

"Please Mom, I don't want to fight with Charlie over this, he's been so good about taking Edward in, and he really has nowhere else to go right now. But I can't leave him alone. _I won't_."

I heard her sigh down the phone, and in my mind's eye I could see the smile she was wearing when she made that sound. "You really love this boy?"

"More than I could ever have believed."

"So, why aren't you…" She trailed off, and I grimaced, not really wanting to have this conversation.

"We've been waiting. Edward's very old fashioned." _Or at least he was._

"Not _waiting for marriage_? How long do you plan on being a virgin for honey?" Her voice took on a rather shrill quality that I didn't enjoy at all, and again I wished I could put my fingers in my ears. "I promise you Bella, you do not want to wait for marriage. What if he has a tiny… anyway, that would imply you were planning on getting married _soon."_

"No, we're not Mom. Look, things are changing, we're just not rushing anything." I turned around and checked behind me before I continued, not wanting Mike to hear what I had to say next. "And I didn't say we'd not done _anything_, and he definitely doesn't have any size issues." Quite the opposite in fact….

"Ok. Well… maybe don't share that with Charlie." We both laughed, and I decided I would go and visit my Mom soon. Now Edward didn't have to worry about the sun we could spend as much time in Florida as we wanted, and I missed her.

"I won't."

"I'll talk to Charlie and do what I can honey, but go easy on him. He's very protective of you." I knew that. I wondered what it was about me that made everyone feel like I needed to be protected.

"I will, thanks Mom."

"No problem. I love you honey."

"Love you too Mom, I'll see you soon, ok?"

"Ok. Bye baby."

"Bye Mom." I hung up the phone, and wondered whether we could fit in a trip to Florida before school started.

I made my way back out into the shop, and looked for Mrs. Newton, to find out what she wanted me to do for today. As I walked towards the counter Mike caught my eye and grinned widely.

I groaned. Today was going to be long and irritating.

**Edward**

Urgh…. Why can't somebody just kill me now?

"Was there anything else I could help you with Sir?" I looked down at the pile of crap on the pharmacy counter in front of me, and took a deep breath. Toothpaste, mouthwash, floss, Tylenol, a cherry chapstick, strawberry scented shampoo… now I just needed to ask for the damn condoms!

"Er, and some… um… throat lozenges as well please." DAMMIT!

"What flavor?" The pharmacist grinned.

"Blackcurrant please." I swear to God, this guy knows exactly what I want, and is laughing his ass off on the inside. I'd love to be a vampire again for one minute, just so as I could really scare the living shit out of him.

"Anything else, Sir?"

YES!

"Er… no… thank you." What I would give right now for one of the modern help yourself pharmacies that seem to exist EVERYWHERE but Port Angeles. Why is this fucking place the only pharmacy in the whole world that still has someone to serve you at the counter? WHY?

"That will be $19.51 please." Smug bastard.

"Thank you very much." _Jesus Christ I hate you_. I handed him a twenty and waited for my change, wondering if maybe I could send Alice in for me later…..

"And that's 49c change. Have a nice day." Oh, what a complete bastard. You know I'm not going to have a nice day because you know that I'm NOT GOING TO GET LAID!

"Thank you very much. Goodbye." _Asshole._

I left the pharmacy as nonchalantly as possible, and made it as far as halfway down the alley along the side of the shop before I stopped and leant back against the wall hard. I banged my head against the wall a couple of more times in frustration, wishing that I could still growl. I am 108 years old, and too embarrassed to buy condoms! ARGH!!

"Edward." Alice appeared suddenly at my side, making me jump. "As amusing as this is, there is really very little point in you continuing in your epic endeavor to buy condoms." She was smiling widely at me, and I groaned, realising that this was going to be the next 'Edward's a useless human' story.

Then I really thought about to what she had said. "What? What have you seen Alice?"

Why didn't I need to buy condoms? Surely Bella couldn't hold out on me that long, could she? My cock seemed to groan slightly at me from my pants in protest, and I almost wanted to apologise to it for stuffing up our chances quite so badly.

She must have heard the strain in my voice, as suddenly an evil look crossed her face. "I've not seen _anything_, Edward…" Her tinkling laugh rang out like bells as she turned from me and walked back up the alley, with me following along behind her, desperate to know whatever it was that she clearly did.

We walked back towards the car in silence, neither of us wanting to be the first to break it. Alice clearly wanted to trade information with me; I'd caught in her mind a few times what she wanted to know, and I _really _didn't want to trade.

I'd given up any semblance of chauvinism by the fourth shop we had entered today, and I was allowing Alice to carry most of my bags. We had had a successful trip, Alice had understood exactly what I was trying to do, and had proven very helpful in selecting, pretty much, an entire new wardrobe for me. Gone were the sharp designer clothes I had been so used to, replaced by more casual clothes, much more suited to a seventeen year old living in the new millennium. I was pretty sure Bella would like it, which, after all, was the main reason to do it.

We reached my brand new, shiny black BMW 3 series coupe and I popped the trunk. Alice groaned in disgust.

"_This_ is why I wanted to bring the Mercedes Edward, honestly, how am I supposed to fit all these bags in here?" She began cramming them in, grumbling as she did. By the time she was finished I had decided it was time to talk a deal.

"Alice-"

"Ha ha ha! Excellent. You know what I want to know Cullen, so spill!" The evil look was back, but I tried to play dumb anyway, this _really_ wasn't something I wanted to admit to.

"I don't know what you're talking about Alice, just tell me what you've seen about me and Bella and our…. _relations_." I shifted uncomfortably on my feet, running my hands through my hair as I did, undoubtedly making it into an even bigger mess.

"I want you to tell me how this…" she gestured up and down me quickly, "…happened."

"I have no idea Alice, I told Carlisle, I just woke up human; I don't know what happened!" _Ok Cullen, you can do this, you're the world champion liar, remember?_

"Sorry Edward, you can't lie for toffee these days. I'll show you mi-ine, if you show me yo-ours." She spoke the last line in a sing song voice, undoubtedly realising the right way to get around me these days was via my cock.

"I…." I hesitated for several seconds, before I shook my head in embarrassment, "It's no good Alice, I can't do it. I just can't tell you."

She scowled at me, then suddenly her whole face split into a grin. "Look, you don't have to tell me right now, but maybe you could just decide to tell Rosalie, she's dying to know Edward, you have to tell her."

"Ok, when am I going to see her?" My heart leapt in my chest a bit, I could cope with Alice, but Rosalie and I had never gotten along so well, would I be able to hold it together around her yet?

"How about tomorrow? I'll bring her over once Bella gets back from work?"

I nodded, then made the decision that, yes, tomorrow I would confess to Rosalie exactly what had happened that made me human again.

I watched Alice as her vision happened, watching the images flicker through my head at the same time as hers. I was glad to see that actually, even though I looked a bit nervous, I was ok around Rosalie, and Emmett as well. Maybe I'd get to see my family together again soon after all.

Suddenly my little secret came out in Alice's vision, and I saw her cover her mouth before me, in an attempt not to laugh.

She was silent for a minute, trying to reign it in, before she managed to find her voice. "I don't even know what to say to that Edward."

"Then say _nothing…_ and tell me what you've seen about Bella." I would think about the conversation with Rosalie tomorrow, but for now, I needed to know how much I'd upset things with Bella.

"As I said, I've seen _nothing._"

"_Alice._" I couldn't help the whine in my voice. Manly, I know.

"Ok, ok. I haven't seen anything," She held her hand up as I went to protest again, "But I have smelled something. You must have too before, but maybe you didn't understand what it meant."

I raised my eyebrows and waited for her to explain, as I truly didn't know what she was getting at. Alice had clearly also regained her ability to block my mind reading, as currently she was singing the Star Spangled Banner loudly in her head, to keep me away from her little secret.

"Bella's hormones are governed by artificial ones, from the way they fluctuate she's clearly on the pill, and has been since before you met her.

My mind raced for a moment, wondering why on earth Bella would be on the pill, seeing as she'd told me that she'd never done anything before that would make that a necessity. I felt my heart sink, as I wondered if maybe there was a chance that she wouldn't truly be mine, the first time we made love.

As I slipped into the firm black leather of my new driver's seat I heard Alice click her tongue at me. "Think about it Edward, Bella's mother is rather regretful of having had Bella so young. I think, from what I've heard about Renee, putting Bella on the pill would have seemed very sensible to her, before sending her to live with her father."

I nodded, realising that this was most likely the reason as I pulled away, heading for home and Bella. The worry I had felt vanished, making me feel bad to have doubted her even for a moment. I grinned, finally understanding that the absence of condoms in my shopping bags was not going to be the obstacle I had envisaged.

In the seat beside me Alice groaned, as if she was in pain. "Really Edward; that is not something I needed to see."

I grinned to myself, having seen the vision as clearly as she had, and found my foot pressing down on the accelerator a little bit harder. Bella would be finishing work soon, and I didn't want her to worry when she got home and I wasn't there.

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**A/N – Again, thank you so much for all of your reviews, I really appreciate your support, and they make me write so much faster!**

**I know that I promised that Edward would 'fess up in this chapter, but man. Alice can talk! The 'second half' of this chapter, containing said confession, and Edward's first night in Bella's bed (as a human of course!) is already mostly written, and should be up before the weekend. So don't shout at me….**

**Please leave me a review to let me know what you're thinking… and I'll get the next chappie up asap!**

**Oh yeah, and have you written your Christmas cards yet? I've not even bought mine, and I'm beginning to wonder if actually it's me that's crazy…. instead of everybody else!**

**Ria**


	12. Acceptance

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight! I do now own one of the untidiest Christmas trees in the world ever though; that's what you get when you put a four-year-old in charge I suppose.

As always an enormous thank you goes to my Beta venomaddict, who has gone through a massive 11,500 words this week in record time!

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**Edward**

"Alice!" Bella squealed as she ran out of the front door, hurtling towards the pixie with her arms outstretched.

We'd pulled in outside Bella's house, behind her truck, and she'd obviously been looking out for me because the front door was open before I'd even turned the engine off. I sidled out of the car, letting them have a moment, and taking the chance to run my hand over the fresh new paintwork.

I hated to admit it, but I'd always had an urge for a BMW, but my desire to drive something non-descript had always won out. I wondered how much teasing I was going to get from Rosalie about my new car, having spent years criticising the flashiness of hers. Not that I cared; this car was a thing of beauty, and nothing was going to stop me from enjoying it.

I made my way towards Bella, and she broke away from Alice and wrapped her arms tightly around me, tucking her head underneath my chin.

"I was worried when you weren't home, I missed you." She looked up at me with a grin, before glancing over towards my new baby. "But, I see you were having fun. What happened to the Volvo?"

"I missed you too." I leant down and kissed her softly on the lips, breathing her in for a moment. "And as for the Volvo; I decided we could do better. Plus, Alice and I have been out and updated my wardrobe a bit too." Bella rolled her eyes, certainly knowing what that meant.

"Edward's given himself a makeover," Alice chortled as I glowered at her, despite the fact, I suppose, that she was right.

Bella looked between us for a moment, frowning slightly. "Ooookaaay…. Well anyway, Alice, come in, Charlie will be home soon, I'm sure he'd be glad to see you!"

We all made our way into the house, Bella seemed to be delighted to have Alice back, and they chattered away together for the rest of the afternoon, almost seeming to forget that I was even there.

I meanwhile spent the time thinking, wondering about the fact that Alice had claimed to see me as a vampire again. Surely I wasn't even thinking about that, was I?

I thought over the last few days and weighed up the problems I'd had, the problems I was still having to be honest, versus the utter wonder of humanity. I realised that in a way that was almost part of why I was afraid.

I had passed so many meaningless years; nothing I ever did really mattering in reality. To find that suddenly each passing day did in fact _count _was overwhelming. I would change, and grow, and each passing year would matter, and form me into a new person with every new experience. And I would get to see that happen to Bella as well. No more being frozen in time, unchanging. It was absolutely terrifying!

I had a whole new appreciation for humanity, for the life I would now, I hoped, get to live. But the weight of the responsibility was enormous, the commitment to _live._

"Oh Edward, lighten up will you!" Alice called me out of my contemplation, exchanging a knowing look with Bella. "You're deep, and troubled, we know! But you're also seventeen and in love, relax and live your life one day at a time the same as everybody else!"

"You know, you're remarkably irritating for somebody so small." I grinned at Alice and raised my eyebrow in challenge, but internally I acknowledged that she was probably right. One day at a time sounded pretty good to me.

Alice looked as if she was about to come back with something, when she paused and looked out of the window. "Charlie's nearly here, do you want me to go?"

"No, he'll be pleased to see you Alice. Stay." Bella's voice held no room for arguments, so we were all still sitting around the kitchen table when Charlie walked in.

"Alice honey! Nice to see you, I wondered if we might get the pleasure of your company along with this one." Charlie jerked his thumb towards me as he spoke, seeming to avoid looking in my direction deliberately.

"Hey Charlie, yes, I've been keeping Edward entertained today, what with Bella working and all." Alice smiled sweetly for Charlie, but I prickled a little at her insinuation that I needed looking after.

_Don't be grumpy Edward, play nice with Charlie around, he's still debating with himself about what to do with you two tonight._

Alice warned me in her thoughts, clearly spotting my mood from where she sat. I watched as visions flickered through Alice's mind, one of me on the couch again tonight, another of me squeezed with Bella into her single bed. I had to admit, the second option definitely seemed worth a bit of sucking up at this point. I focused on Charlie, trying my best to hear his thoughts, but even when I had been a vampire I had struggled to read him, now I could only manage to get vague semblances of his mind. At the moment he seemed undecided, and worried.

I got up with the pretence of getting Bella a drink out of the refrigerator, and whispered as quietly as I could while my head was in the icebox. "Alice, he's worried, what can I do to reassure him? I'm stuck; I can't hear his thoughts so I'm not sure what's worrying him."

I pulled out of the fridge, two cans of coke in hand for Bella and myself, as soon as I saw various visions flash through Alice's mind at lightning speed, knowing this meant she'd heard me.

_He needs to talk to Bella, we'd better make ourselves scarce for a few minutes, there's nothing you can say to him which is going to help at this point._

"Edward, do you want a hand with getting your shopping out of the car? I'll try and put it together so you know what goes with what, if you like?" I nodded at her casually as I got up from the table, glad she'd found a way for Bella and Charlie to have a few minutes without us.

"Whose is that BMW outside?" Charlie looked towards Alice and I at the mention of the car, "I've not seen that before?"

"Carlisle bought it for Edward; we went and picked it up this afternoon." Alice smiled winningly at Charlie, knowing that he would accept whatever she told him. "The Volvo was getting a little old for Carlisle's liking; he doesn't like our cars to go out of warranty."

Charlie nodded as she spoke, but I saw the look of surprise that crossed his face when Alice said the word 'old'.

We left the house, and stood casually by the trunk of my car as Alice relayed every word of Charlie and Bella's conversation to me. No longer being able to hear it myself was frustrating, but Alice made a good interpreter.

It seemed that Bella had spoken to Renee this morning, who had in turn spoken to Charlie about our sleeping arrangements. Renee had somehow managed to convince Charlie that we could be trusted in the same bed together, which had me both relieved and a little indignant at the same time, and that it was important to Bella that she was able to be there for me while I was going through this.

_But what the fuck does 'trusted in the same bed together' mean. Do they think I'm some kind of eunuch?_

The thing that had worried Charlie was the fact that Renee had insinuated that if he didn't agree to these arrangements, Bella would move out, and possibly even go to Florida, along with me. The idea hadn't even occurred to me, and I was sure it hadn't to Bella, but it had been enough to upset Charlie. He didn't want to feel like he was being held to ransom, but at the same time he didn't want Bella to leave.

It took Bella a little while to convince him that this had been Renee's thinking and not hers, but once she did, he relaxed a lot. He even tried to have the sex talk with Bella, which had Alice in fits of giggles so I think I missed half of it, but finally he agreed that for now he would "turn a blind eye" about whereabouts exactly I went to sleep at night.

We waited until Charlie had left Bella to cook dinner before we returned to the house, carrying no less than nineteen bags of shopping between us. I refused to allow Alice to carry it all this time, not wanting Charlie to think any less of me, and I was amazed by how much we'd bought.

Rather than upset Charlie any more, we left it all in the sitting room, rather than take it up to Bella's bedroom, and he looked at the bags with wide eyes as we piled them up. I realised that he had never been around us enough to really notice quite how much money we actually had, and I wondered if that would go for or against me in his eyes.

Alice stayed for dinner, and for the first time I got to observe as one of us, a vampire I mean, pretended to eat. I was quite staggered by the illusion, and even my knowing human eyes couldn't see what she was doing with the food she wasn't eating. She continued to assure me via her thoughts that nothing was passing her lips, but I couldn't catch her once.

Alice stayed after dinner, she and Bella seeming to have endless things to catch up on, having been apart for all of three days. Eventually I made my way into the kitchen for another drink, leaving them in the sitting room, only to find myself alone with Charlie. For a moment he eyed me, and knowing what he and Bella had talked about earlier I wondered for a moment whether or not I should be worried.

"I'm only going to say this once." He looked almost as uncomfortable as I felt, and I wished he would decide that he didn't even need to say it that many times. "I'll be right next door… and I'm a light sleeper."

I nodded; not wanting to even respond to that, not sure _anything _I could say at that moment would go down well.

But then Charlie surprised me, he stepped towards me and put a hand on my shoulder, his face suddenly kind in an expression I'd never seen before.

"You're going to be alright son," he said, before he jerked his hand away quickly and looked away, his expression changing rapidly to embarrassment. With that he spun around on his heel and left the room.

I didn't move for a moment, amazed by Charlie's gesture. He had never shown any animosity towards me, but he had always kept his distance. I had known from his thoughts that his natural reaction to me had been much more appropriate than Bella's, and I had accepted that I would never be welcomed into his home in the way Alice was. But with one touch and kind word, he had somehow made me feel… _accepted._

I made my way back into the sitting room, and when I sat down the atmosphere of the room was different. I wasn't sure if anybody apart from me noticed it, but for the first time in Bella's home, I no longer felt like an outsider.

At ten, Charlie got up and said goodnight. Alice left almost immediately after, leaving Bella and I on the couch, watching an 80's late night movie.

"I think we'd be better off going to bed after Charlie's gone to sleep," Bella leant over and whispered in my ear as soon as he'd left the room.

I simply nodded and put my arm around her shoulders. For Charlie's sanity we had tried to not be too demonstrative this evening, but being so close without being able to touch her had been agony.

We waited until ten-thirty, by which time I knew from personal experience that Charlie was usually out for the count, and then we crept up to bed.

I used the bathroom after Bella, but before I dressed for bed in the new flannel sleep pants and T shirt Alice and I had bought today, I decided certain measures were required. The thought of lying in bed with Bella tonight had left me throbbing and erect, so I took matters into my own hands and relieved the tension. Things being the way they were, I wasn't sure how much this was going to help, but at least I wasn't going to bed with a loaded gun.

I entered the room to find Bella already in bed. She put her finger to her mouth in an action which I'm sure was supposed to tell me to be quiet, but in fact just made me look at her full pouty lips. I felt myself twitch in my pants, and I groaned internally.

Bella pulled back the comforter as I pushed the door as close to being closed as I could, without it actually being shut; Charlie had been quite clear about that prerequisite to Bella earlier. I turned to see her rubbing her hand over the sheet beside her invitingly. I switched off the light and, disoriented for a minute by the utter blackness surrounding me as I made my way over to the bed, I misjudged where I was going and bumped my legs when I finally reached it.

I sat down beside Bella, and felt her reach out for me immediately, pulling me down into bed with her. "Bella…" I whispered, suddenly very aware that I could no longer tell if Charlie was awake or asleep.

"Shhh Edward, we have to be quiet," she murmured; I laid down facing her as she pulled the comforter over both of us.

_We can't do this... Charlie's right next door…Get some control Cullen…… Yeah right._

I couldn't help myself; I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her into a passionate kiss. In the back of my mind a little voice was still telling me that this was a very bad idea, but I ignored it with dedication.

Bella laid back, pulling me with her until my weight was partially on her, maintaining our kiss as we explored each other's mouths. She tasted of toothpaste and sweetness and _Bella, _and despite my precautionary tactic moments earlier in the bathroom, I could feel my desire for her rapidly building in my groin. The urge to pull her clothes from her and simply _thrust_ myself deep into her heat was almost overwhelming in the darkness of her room, and the warmth of her bed.

She rolled me further on top of her, until she managed to wrap her legs around my waist, allowing me to feel her arousal, the heat and the wetness at her centre plain through the thin cotton covering her. I ran my hand down her leg and groaned when I realised she was only wearing soft shorts tonight, paired with a thin and ridiculously small top.

"What _is this_ Bella?" I whispered into her ear as I tugged at her top, my voice sounding angrier than I meant it to, but the lust pounding in my veins was making it difficult to control myself. "Do you have any idea what you're doing to me?" I rocked my now painfully aroused length against her heat, making us both utter groans of pleasure and agony as the bed creaked loudly at the movement.

I stilled my movements as I found her mouth again, thrusting my tongue deeply in against hers, mimicking the actions I really wanted to be making elsewhere. She made a tiny whimper in my mouth, and that sent another rush of desire though me, making my cock ache against her. My hips bucked involuntarily again; the friction I felt against her warmth was divine, but again the bed creaked obscenely loudly.

Frustrated, my hands moved up Bella's body, yanking up her top and finding that tonight, of all nights, she wasn't wearing a bra. I pulled her top over her head, and fumbled in the dark as I caressed her breasts. Unable to really see anything, I was guided by the feel of her body, running my thumbs over her nipples as they hardened. I pinched them and pulled gently, eliciting a gasp from her as her nails dug into my sides causing me the sweetest pain.

"_Edward… I want you…" _Bella scratched her nails down my back, forcing me closer against her body as she whispered in my ear; the movement of her lips against my skin urging me on.

I moved down her body, pulling one nipple into my mouth greedily as I pinched and rubbed the other with my hand, not wanting it to feel neglected. I ran my teeth over it, biting down gently as she hissed and thrust her hips up into mine.

She wrapped her legs tighter around me now, pulling my iron like shaft hard against her, as her mouth bit down sharply on my shoulder, making me buck against her again.

I was beginning to lose all reason, and started to work my hands under her shorts, when I suddenly heard a snore from the room next door.

My sanity returned for a moment, and I rolled off of Bella in a sudden movement, causing another loud creak to echo around the room.

"Bella, we can't do this, your father is just next door and I can't…" I scrubbed my hand down my face, before running my hands through my hair in frustration. My cock was throbbing painfully and I just _needed her._

I couldn't see in the darkness, but I felt Bella roll over to face me and stroke her hand down my cheek.

"I know I'm not being fair," she whispered into my ear, and the feel of her hot breath on my ear, and her naked breasts against my arm, only made my situation worse. "But I've had you in my bed every night for months now, I just can't help it."

"_What are you doing?"_ I hissed as her hand kept moving and was now sliding down beneath my new pajama pants, until her fingers curled tightly around my engorged length. I bit back a cry as she squeezed me, my hips bucking into her hand with urgency. The bed creaked again as I moved.

"Shhh. You can't do that Edward, we'll get caught." She squeezed me again, and I strained to stay still this time, the muscles in my hips and thighs twitching with the need to thrust.

"Stroke me Bella… please… I need to come." I could hear my voice, even in a whisper, was full of need, my desire for her filling every pore. She reached down with her other hand and pulled down my pants, until they were nearly at my knees, as she moved I felt my cock run along her bare skin and I twitched again.

Once she'd finished with my pants, Bella reached out and found my hand, moving it until I rested against her inner thigh.

"Then I want you to touch me too Edward." Her voice was breathy and quiet, but I didn't need telling twice.

I slid my hand up her shorts until I reached the waistband, which I slipped underneath, only to find she was also not wearing any underwear tonight.

"What the hell were you planning tonight Bella?" Again I could hear that I sounded angry, and I tried to soften my voice, "This is like torture…"

"Well, I could probably help with that." The hand that had been sitting still on my shaft began to stroke me, and I had to fight again to not thrust into her fist. I could feel I was leaking a lot, and quickly I was slick in her grasp.

I tried to focus on her, running my fingers down into the wetness of her folds, amazed again by the silky texture of her moisture when I reached it. She moaned softly in my ear as my fingers ran over her clit, and I stroked her again, just to hear her make that noise again.

Her tiny hand couldn't reach all the way around my width, but that didn't matter, the sensation of her touching me was still all-encompassing. As she began to pump me harder, I shoved her shorts down to get better access. I slipped two fingers deeply inside her, all the while wishing that they were another part of me. I pressed my thumb against her clit, matching her strokes of my cock with the thrusts of my fingers, feeling her begin to tighten around me already.

Our bodies were gravitating together as we moved. Suddenly I could feel my tip brushing against her skin as she rubbed me, the sensation making the coil in my stomach tighten impossibly, but I hung on to the edge of my orgasm, determined to wait for Bella, wanting the feeling of coming with her.

I continued to circle her clit, sliding my fingers in and out of her tightness, curling around again and again to reach the spot she had seemed to enjoy before. Her breathing increased until she was gasping in my ear, breathy moans being muffled against the skin of my neck and shoulder.

I felt her walls tighten around my fingers, and as her body pulsed she bit down on my shoulder, keeping the cries inside. At the feel of her teeth against my skin I felt my own orgasm rip through me, and I couldn't help but move my hips forward towards her slightly as I came. The tip of my cock rubbed against her soft skin as I pulsed hot jets of come across her stomach. I clenched my jaw, also determined to remain quiet, and the forced silence and stillness seemed to only intensify the sensations, causing what was by far the most powerful orgasm of my life.

We lay against each other unmoving for a moment, both of us panting for breath as quietly as we possibly could. I pulled my hand away from her body and gently slid Bella's shorts up, not wanting any further temptation tonight. I leant down and did the same for myself, meanwhile she rolled over and I heard the sound of tissues coming out of a box.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "Did I make a lot of mess?" I didn't like the idea that I had somehow soiled her, and I immediately regretted that I didn't have slightly better aim.

"Don't be silly, I love that I can make you do that. It makes me feel amazing, knowing that I make you feel like that... If that sentence makes any sense at all, I'm amazed." She chuckled quietly as she moved around beside me, cleaning herself up.

"You have always made me feel like that…" I grinned into the darkness remembering the many nights I had laid awake next to Bella daydreaming about this very scenario. "I just used to be able to control my urges better."

"Well, I'm glad you can't now." I suddenly felt her hand on my cock again through my pants, and of course it began to react immediately.

"Bella…" I hissed in warning, not sure if I could take another round in silence.

She moved her hand away, and I was at once relieved and disappointed. "It's ok, goodnight Edward." I could hear the smile in her voice, and I shivered slightly at the thought of the little vixen lying in my arms.

"Goodnight love."

She snuggled into my chest; throwing her leg over my hip and wrapping both arms around me, making me feel wonderfully surrounded and secure. Within minutes she was asleep, while I was still enjoying the sensation of simply holding her. I wished for a moment that I could watch her while she slept for a while, something I had always found so calming, but the room was completely black, and I couldn't see a thing.

Instead I lay and listened to her soft breathing as I daydreamed a little, about what our life could be like. I wanted to go to college and repeat my medical degree, and this time I hoped to be able to make use of it. I wondered what Bella would like to do, I had always seen her as a teacher, and the picture in my mind of her with children made me wonder about our own. Would that even be possible? Could my body really have been rejuvenated to that level?

I decided then that tomorrow I would go and see Carlisle, as although I wasn't keen on some of his planned tests, one or two of them suddenly seemed like a very good idea.

I finally drifted off, dreaming of children with bronze colored hair, and chocolate brown eyes.

*****

I awoke early the next morning, feeling more refreshed than I had in a couple of days. I had dreamt again last night, but wrapped so entirely in Bella, the nightmares had not had the potency they had before. I remembered stirring a couple of times in the night, the nightmares returning me to places I never wished to revisit, and the fear had returned along with them. But waking to softly spoken words from Bella chased the dreams away, and I truly thanked God for this wonderful woman whose bed I shared.

Bella was still asleep in my arms, and I was both pleased and a little embarrassed to find myself lying with her on top of me with her legs wrapped around my waist once more. My morning wood was enjoying the position immensely, pressed firmly against her most intimate area again. I gently shifted her to one side, before she awoke to the same embarrassing scenario as I had.

_If I didn't know better I'd swear that it was her, rather than me, who was getting us into this position every night._

I heard the cruiser start up and pull away outside, and I realised I had probably been woken by Charlie leaving the house. I checked and saw that the bedroom door hadn't moved from how I left it last night. I guessed that Charlie was taking the attitude that the less he saw, the less it would bother him. Ignorance can indeed be bliss.

I felt Bella stir slightly beside me, and I recognised from the slight change in her breathing that she was beginning to wake up. I took the opportunity to watch her as she woke, as I had done so many times before. I knew that we needed to talk about what was going on between us. Alice had been right yesterday, I had been sending her such mixed messages that I must have been giving her emotional whiplash.

I gazed at her, amazed by her as I was every day. She looked so sweet and innocent burrowed into my chest, and I couldn't believe that this was the same girl whose bed I had shared last night.

As I watched, her eyelids fluttered open, eyes locking with mine instantly.

"Hey baby…" Her voice was still sleepy, and I couldn't resist leaning over for a soft good morning kiss. She pulled away quickly and covered her mouth with her hand. "Morning breath," she said by way of explanation, when she caught the hurt look in my eyes.

"Don't be silly." I leant back into her lips… she tasted great to me.

"Is Charlie gone?" she asked when we eventually broke apart.

"Yes, he didn't check on us."

She blew out a breath almost soundlessly, and looked relieved. "Good. He's really trying here Edward; I don't want to upset him. He's definitely coming around to you though, I think."

"Why shouldn't he? I'm very charming." I smiled as I nuzzled her neck, feeling her smile against my jaw.

"I know. Or it could be the BMW; he seemed pretty interested in that last night."

I nodded in agreement, making a mental note to allow Charlie access to my car keys on a standing basis. Maybe he would appreciate a small gesture like that to show my thanks. I toyed with the idea of buying him one of his own for a moment, but realised that he would probably react to something like that in a similar way to his daughter.

I felt Bella shift against me, clearly feeling my presence against her body, and I moved away from her, unwrapping myself from her limbs carefully. I wanted to have the next conversation with a clear head.

"Bella, I've been unfair to you, I feel." Alarm suddenly seemed to fill her features, and I wondered what on earth she must be thinking when I said those words. "I didn't mean to make you feel like I was asking you to guard my virtue on Saturday night; that is not a responsibility I want you, of all people, to bear."

"Oh." She looked at me curiously. "But that was pretty much what you asked of me, you know, until you were more yourself."

"Saturday was a tough day, but I think you might agree, I'm getting the hang of this being human thing."

"You make a pretty fine specimen actually, Cullen." She looked at me through her eyelashes as she spoke, and I felt my hard-on twitch towards her. I was glad I had removed myself from her embrace before we started this conversation, as I really wanted to finish it without being distracted.

I grinned, but continued with what I had to say. "You are not responsible for my actions Bella, please don't feel you need to save me from myself right now, you're doing so much for me already."

"You know I don't mind that."

"I know. But I meant what I said yesterday, even if it was rather inappropriately timed. If I'm going to be human in this time, I need to let go of some of my old self. And to be honest, I can't imagine waiting until we're married before we can be together." As I spoke Bella's eyes grew wider, and for a moment I felt like _I _was the prey. I shook my head slightly, sure that I must be misreading her reaction.

"You mean, you want to…" she trailed off suggestively, as I realised that I was nodding rather too enthusiastically for this serious conversation.

_Ok, it seems my cock now has direct control of some of my motor functions… interesting._

"Yes. But not in your creaky old bed a few feet away from your father. I'd like to plan something nice, where we can be by ourselves, with no risk of interruption."

_Or of me getting shot by Charlie in the night._

She was also nodding furiously, and I watched as a blush crept across her face, then her neck, and shoulders and down across her… _oh, don't go there Edward!_

"Also, I'm human now, so we'd need to talk about… um…" I felt the same embarrassment creep into me that I had felt in the pharmacy. It seems my Edwardian sensitivities were still not overly keen on me actually _talking about _sex, even if I could override them enough to decide to actually have it.

"Yeah… well… I'm kindofonthepill." Her words ran out in a rush, and I raised an eyebrow at her questioningly, not liking to admit that this was something I already knew. "Renee took me out and put me on it the day I turned sixteen, she wanted to be sure that I didn't make the same mistake she did." I saw sadness flit across her features for a moment, and I silently cursed her mother for making her feel anything less than absolutely loved and wanted.

I had felt certain that this would have been the reason, but I felt a degree of relief at hearing it anyway.

"Would you still want me to… I mean, I would still be willing to…" I pinched the bridge of my nose with my thumb and forefinger, embarrassed now by the _embarrassment_ that seemed to be preventing me from saying what I needed to say.

"No, it would be the first time for both of us, so we wouldn't need condoms."

_You see Edward, she can say the word condom, why can't you?_

"And I wouldn't want to anyway, I wouldn't want… anything between us, just… _you_ in _me_." She looked down as she spoke, clearly not trying to be seductive, but in honesty I almost came in my pants as she uttered those words.

I groaned and closed my eyes, trying to will my suddenly throbbing cock to relax, before I just rolled over and pounced on her.

Then Bella saved me from myself, or maybe she was saving herself from me, as she hopped out of bed.

"I need to get to work," she said, and I felt myself pout as she sat down again on the bed beside me. "It's only for two more days, baby, then I'm all yours. Oh, I had a bit of an idea about that…"

"Hmmm?" I'd been stroking my fingers down her back softly, tracing the curve of her body under her ridiculously tiny top, and had actually stopped paying attention to what she was saying. I noticed she had stopped talking, and when I looked up I saw she was watching me with a smirk. I stopped what I was doing with a grin, and waited for her to continue.

"Well, I'd like to go and see Renee before school starts. I hadn't planned to before because of the sun in Florida… you know." I picked my heart back up off of the floor. For an instant I'd thought she meant to go to her mother's without me. "But, if we went we wouldn't necessarily have to be at Renee's the _whole_ time… I'm sure she wouldn't tell Charlie if we had a couple of days with her, and maybe a couple of days to ourselves?"

Before she had even finished speaking, my mind was whirring, planning where we could go - somewhere we could have some privacy for a couple of days.

_Ouch! Now I'm throbbing again. Guess what we're going to be doing as soon as Bella leaves the house this morning?_

_Hang on – we're? Am I really assigning my cock a separate identity these days?_

_Looks like it. Huh._

"Let me organize it Bella. Just let me know what days you want to be at Renee's, and I'll sort it all out." She went to argue, but I put my finger on her lips to stop her. "No, please let me do this for you… for us. I feel a bit useless at the moment; it will give me something to do."

"Ok." She kissed me quickly on the lips, and jumped up again and headed towards the bathroom.

Meanwhile, I began plotting. I wondered if we'd be able to get hold of a house in the Florida Keys for a few days this late in the season, as that would provide us with somewhere perfect, and _private_.

* * *

**A/N – BEFORE anybody starts shouting at me – this is the first of two chapters that are going to be posted within the next 24 hours, as my early Christmas present to you all. **

**Chapter 13 is pretty much ready to roll, and will go up this time tomorrow, and includes more Cullens and Edward's final explanation of how he got into his new circumstances. This chapter just wrote itself first…. I hope you enjoyed it ;).**

**Thank you to everybody who reads and reviews, I now have over 300 story alerts on this, and the thought that when I post 300 of you get an email to the fact is amazing to me! Just imagine if everyone reviewed…..**

**As I said Chapter 13 will be up this time tomorrow, maybe sooner if I really feel the love…..**

**Recommendation wise, this week I have been particularly enjoying "The Lost Boys" by hwimsey. All human, but a fantastic ghost story, well worth a look!!**

**Ria **


	13. Q&A

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight! I do now own a rather beautiful Robert Pattinson Calendar though, which I told my husband someone gave me. Which is true…. they did…. in exchange for money ;)

Kudos to venomaddict my Beta; for knowing what I'm trying to say before I do sometimes.

* * *

**Edward**

A few hours later I pulled into the hospital car park, planning on seeing Carlisle without Bella for the first time since my change. Spending the day with Alice yesterday had given me confidence that I would be able to do it this time without panicking. Alice's vision yesterday had also shown me being quite comfortable around Rosalie and Emmett later today as well…

_Shit. I'd forgotten about that_.

I ran my hands through my hair nervously as I got out of the car, not quite sure what I was more worried about, seeing Carlisle again, or having to admit to Rosalie what I'd done on Friday night. I dismissed the latter thought for now as I strode into the hospital, stopping at reception to check I could go up. I recognised the receptionist, and she seemed to hesitate for a beat before speaking to me.

"Hello Edward. Dr. Cullen is in his office, is he expecting you?" She smiled uncertainly as she looked up at me, and I suddenly felt uncomfortable.

"No, he's not expecting me." But I could already hear his thoughts from where I stood, telling me to come straight up, "Is it ok if I just go up and see if he's free?"

"Sure, no problem." Her eyes followed me as I headed for the stairs, and as I pushed the door I turned to see her shaking her head as if confused.

For a moment I considered trying to listen to her thoughts, I was curious about her reaction to me. But I decided against it, still enjoying the novelty of mental silence unless I actively tried to hear someone.

I approached Carlisle's office confidently, as I arrived outside his door I could hear him telling me to come straight in, and I could hear from his thoughts that he was pleased that I was there. I entered and closed the door behind me before turning to face him.

"Edward! How nice to…" Carlisle trailed off as he looked at me, a frown clouding his face suddenly.

I had turned around, but despite my confidence, I found that as soon as I looked at him my body reacted in fear again. My heart began to pound in my chest as the adrenaline surged through my veins, and my knees suddenly felt weak. My breathing began to speed up over a few seconds until I was gasping for air, and the world began to swirl making me feel dizzy and sick at the same time. In my mind I recognised I was in the beginnings of a panic attack, and I sat suddenly, shoving my head between my legs as I hit the floor.

_I'll be damned if I'm going to faint like a girl!_

Across the room I knew Carlisle was still there, I raised my hand in silent thanks for not moving towards me, as I tried to gather my thoughts. In my head I knew I had nothing to be afraid of, but my body still seemed to have a different opinion. I ran my hands through my hair, feeling the goose-bumps on the back of my neck, and trying to understand why on earth I was so terrified.

_Edward?_

I heard him call me softly in my mind and I shivered involuntarily. I wondered what the hell was wrong with me; I had thought I was doing so well after spending yesterday with Alice! I yanked on my hair in frustration, still not able to look up at Carlisle, or to stop the desperate urge my body felt to just _run._

_Edward? It's alright son, I spoke to Alice yesterday and she knew this was going to happen._

"Well she could have told me." Forewarned is forearmed and all that crap. I struggled to get the words out, but I was determined, I needed to speak to Carlisle.

_Then we wouldn't have known if it was a self-fulfilling prophecy, if you expected to be ok I had still hoped you would be._

I concentrated on my breathing, trying to calm down my body's natural reaction. I nodded as I did it, telling Carlisle that I understood his logic, even if I didn't appreciate it.

_I have a theory about why you're reacting so strongly to me. I wonder if your body remembers me as the vampire who bit you originally, as this seems a very physical reaction to me._

"Maybe." I croaked. My fight to control my breathing had at least eased the urge to either throw up or pass out. I had still not moved from my position on the floor with my head between my legs, and I suddenly felt like an idiot sitting there. What if someone else came in?

I stood shakily, and went to sit in the chair opposite Carlisle. He watched me carefully as I moved, and I couldn't avoid the sorrow in his features again.

"I'm so sorry Carlisle, I don't mean to hurt your feelings. In my head I know I've nothing to be afraid of, but…"

_Take all the time you need son. I'm sure it will get better with time._

I nodded, the idea that my body remembered Carlisle as my sire made sense, and as I considered that I felt myself relax more. I hoped that understanding my reaction might help me be more in control of it in the future.

"I wanted to talk to you about some tests…" I suddenly realised that I was talking to the man I considered for all intents and purposes to be my father, and I felt my face heat at what I wanted to talk to him about.

I saw Carlisle's eyes flare with interest, and suddenly flashes of dozens of procedures began to run through his mind, none of which looked like things I was very keen to participate in.

"Actually Carlisle, I wanted some more specific tests than that…" I looked him in the eye and noticed he was smirking in a way I wasn't sure I had ever seen before. "There are some things I want to check out… for Bella's safety…" Oh here comes the Edwardian unable to talk about sex again. Crap, I'm so fucking pathetic sometimes.

_I take it we're talking about some more intimate tests…?_

The smirk was still on Carlisle's face, and I realised that in ninety years together we had never discussed sex once. From the look on his face I was pretty sure he knew what was coming.

"You've tested my blood… but I need to check some other… things… for venom too."

I could almost hear him chuckling at me in his mind. For a second I glared at him, until I realised I was glaring at a vampire and I shuffled in my seat slightly, looking away from his gaze.

_Have you and Bella kissed fully now?_

"Yes."

_Then we should check your saliva for venom, but from your blood results I'm sure there won't be any trace of it._

I nodded, trying to get up the nerve to ask the next question. "I'd also like to check… er…"

The smirk on Carlisle's face grew wider as I stuttered and stumbled over my words for a moment.

_Yes Edward?_

Even in his mind I could hear the rather too sweet tone he addressed me in, and I rolled my eyes at him.

"I'd like you to look at my…. Um..." I ran my hands through my hair and scratched my head for a minute, and I looked out of the window as I finally spat out the end of my sentence. "I'd like you to take a look at… my… semen." The last word came out almost as a squeak, and again I cursed my Edwardian embarrassment. Whatever happened to the child of the 21st Century I was trying to become?

_Oh yes, he just wants to get laid, as he's definitely absent when any difficult conversations come up. _

_Brilliant._

Carlisle's smirk became an all out grin, and then he raised his eyebrows at me ever so slightly. I felt like a child asking him about this, and it seemed he was enjoying teasing me just a little about it.

_I see. If you are concerned maybe you should consider using condoms? Have you talked to Bella about contraception?_

Oh God, do I really have to have this conversation? I took a deep breath and tried to just spit it out already. "We have discussed it. She's already covered and neither of us wants to use... anything else."

_I see._

Well, if you see can you stop looking at me like that? I took another deep breath, trying to bite back my sarcasm. "I'd also like to do a DNA test."

_I already did one, your chromosomes have reverted to the correct human count, and your DNA shows no signs of your old vampire make up._

"I know, but I'd like to understand… if I really am _fully _human again. Would I be able to… father a child normally for example?"

Realization crossed Carlisle's face.

_Of course. Ok. Well. I can do all of those things today, we just need some… samples._

Oh joy of joys. How we were going to do this hadn't really crossed my mind, and as Carlisle stood hesitantly I groaned, getting up to follow him downstairs to the labs.

It was all very well trying to be a child of the 21st Century, but I was pretty sure it was better the first time I was seventeen, and no one expected me to jerk off in a cup.

*****

I arrived back at Bella's quite late that afternoon, after completing enough tests with Carlisle that I was sure there was no stone left unturned. As well as an MRI, I had also had enough X-rays that I reckoned any talk of future fatherhood was academic by now, and samples were taken of every possible fluid my new body produced, right down to a tear drop.

Over the period of the day I had relaxed somewhat in Carlisle's presence, but I never managed to find the easy calm I had with Alice the day before. The idea that my overwhelming fear of him was to do with the fact it was him who had bitten me made some sense, and that had helped with controlling myself somewhat. But I could still sense his sadness at my reaction to him, and I had decided to make sure I saw enough of him to get over it over the coming weeks.

But now I was back at Bella's, and I knew at any minute Alice would be showing up with Emmett and Rosalie, as I was sure she would have seen me arriving home.

I had hoped that this was a conversation I could have without Bella present, but when I pulled into the driveway, there was Bella's truck. I hadn't realised it was so late.

My worries about her hearing my conversation with Rosalie disappeared the minute she appeared at the front door, obviously waiting for me to arrive home again. Her hair was pulled up on top of her head in a messy bun, and she was wearing cut off shorts and one of my new T shirts. She grinned at me from the doorway, her delight to see me clear, and all I could think of was pulling her hair down and running my hands through it.

I jumped out of the car and ran to her, the craving I had been feeling for her all day suddenly burning a hole in my chest.

"Edward, there you are!" She cried as I swept her up into my arms.

"Bella… I missed you." I murmured as I crashed my lips down onto hers, my arms tightening around her and supporting her weight as I did.

She wrapped her legs around my waist as we kissed passionately, my hands trailed down her body and rested on her ass, holding her tightly to me. I staggered into the hallway of the house, kicking the door closed behind me before pushing her against the wall opposite the door.

I could hardly think, the blood pounding through my veins and the sounds of our panting breaths taking over my mind to the detriment of all else. We slid along the wall, never stopping the crazed kissing, and somewhere in the background I heard a crash. Neither of us paid any attention as we reached the stairs, and I sat Bella down, kneeling in front of her and reassuming my position between her legs.

We finally broke the kiss, but my lips never left her skin, trailing down her throat to the neck of my shirt.

"When's your Dad going to be home…?" I gasped as I continued to kiss her neck, my hands sliding up under her shirt to cup her soft, warm breasts.

"Not for hours…" As she spoke she leant down and caught hold of the bottom of my shirt, pulling it up over my head in one swift movement. "God I've missed you today."

I wrapped my arms back around her and our mouths crashed together again. Although we had only been apart for a matter of hours it had felt much longer. I leaned her back against the stairs and kissed her furiously as she wrapped her legs round my waist again. I was never going to let her go.

**Bella**

Work had lasted for an eternity today.

Mike was still sniggering at every opportunity after overhearing my conversation with Renee yesterday, and unfortunately the store was quiet with it being the end of the season.

But most of all, I just _missed him. _My every thought was of Edward, with every breath, every step, and every second I was away from him I ached. At lunchtime I had raced home rather than have a lunch break, desperate to see him for just five minutes, to try and ease the searing pain in my chest caused by his absence.

But he wasn't there, the car was gone and I assumed he was off with Alice again.

My disappointment had been corrupting, and during the afternoon I had ricocheted between morose and bad tempered, until finally Mrs. Newton had sent me home. But not before asking me if I knew that Evening Primrose Oil did wonders for PMT.

I knew I had always been slightly insane about Edward. My feelings for him had always been overwhelming and all encompassing, to the point where my humanity hadn't mattered in the slightest when it came to being with him forever. But now, if it was possible, things were even more intense.

There had always been a distance between us caused by our differences, both physical and emotional. Something deep inside of me had always known that such a beautiful creature wasn't destined for me, and that part of me had waited quietly for the day my heart would be torn from my chest and discarded.

But now physically we were the same, and I was beginning to feel that we were emotionally on a par too. To be able to touch Edward, and him touch me, had changed everything, made me more confident in both him and us. To be able to see his reactions to me, as urgent and as powerful as mine were to him, seemed to somehow complete us. Without the constant focus on control he had previously had to maintain to be with me, Edward like a different person. With his guard down I could see every bit of emotion in his eyes that I knew was in mine, and I couldn't get enough of him.

He had once compared me to being his drug of choice, and now I fully understood what he had meant. The gnawing need, the craving that only he could satisfy, felt like it would drive me insane when I wasn't with him.

When I had arrived home and he still wasn't there I was nearly in tears. _Where the hell was he?_

But then within a few minutes he had arrived home, and I'd thrown myself at him, or maybe he had thrown himself at me, I honestly couldn't be sure, and that fact made my heart sing.

And now we were kissing frantically on the stairs. I couldn't keep my hands off of the muscles of his bare chest and stomach. Again and again I traced the outline of his abs, over his skin, soft and supple over the hard lines of his muscles.

He shifted position and I could feel his arousal pressed against me, and I instinctively clutched him to me tighter, squeezing him closer against me with my legs.

We began to rock together, soft moans echoing in the air as the tension between us rocketed.

There was suddenly a noise behind Edward, and in my worst nightmare come true I heard Emmett's voice. "Eddie we're…. Holy shit! My eyes, my eyes!"

Edward pulled away and turned around sharply, only to be confronted by Emmett standing in the doorway roaring with laughter with both of his hands over his eyes. We leapt apart, and Edward dived for his shirt on the floor and wrestled with it for a moment, trying to turn it the right way out again. He glanced at me apologetically as he did, but he was mainly focused on glaring at Emmett, who was still laughing.

Then I heard Rosalie's voice from behind him. "Emmett, Alice is screaming about you running ahead….. my, my, my, what have we here?" She appeared from behind Emmett and grinned as Edward finally managed to wriggle back into his shirt, before leaning down and helping me up off of the stairs.

I could feel my cheeks blazing with embarrassment, but I forgot it for a moment to check on how Edward was doing. I had suddenly remembered the problems he had had with being around Carlisle. I thought that maybe being surprised by a vampire the size of Emmett would cause him some consternation, but he seemed to be too pissed to be even thinking about that right then.

"Ever heard of knocking, Emmett? Fucking Christ." The glare Edward bore was magnificent, and reminded me strongly of him as a vampire. I grinned, secretly rejoicing that he was just as upset to be disturbed as I was.

"There never used to be anything to worry about interrupting… but I see that's all changed! Good on you Eddie!" Emmett held his fist towards Edward, waiting for him to bump it with his own. Edward did not respond, merely folding his arms across his chest and continuing to glare.

"Do you mind?" Edward snapped back. Emmett slowly lowered his fist, looking slightly disappointed.

"Bro, I thought you might have loosened up a bit, what with being all fleshy these days. Seems like I was right in one department, eh?" Emmett leaned over towards me and wriggled his eyebrows suggestively.

I couldn't help the smirk that crossed my face, even standing beside Edward full of indignant fury. I slipped my hand into his and gave it a little squeeze, he looked at me and seeing my smirk his stance relaxed somewhat.

"Ok, maybe I have loosened up a little, but that's no reason to be discourteous in front of Bella." I couldn't help the smirk widening; there was my Edward.

Alice suddenly appeared beside me, "Emmett, I was shouting at you to slow down! Why don't you ever listen?"

"Because life is invariably more fun if you experience it without knowing what's coming. If I'd listened to you I might have missed Eddie getting his groove on!" And at that he began to bump and grind around my hallway, yelling out some vague semblance of rap music as the rest of us looked on incredulously.

After watching for a moment, Rosalie stepped towards him and gave him a firm slap around the back of the head. "Emmett, grow up you idiot."

"Sorry Edward, Bella." Alice looked so contrite that I wrapped my arm around her. "I did try and warn him, but as soon as I said you were both home he took off. I just thank God we didn't get here five minutes later." She winked at me, and I couldn't help but wonder what we would have been doing in five minutes. For a moment I glared at Emmett as hard as Edward had been, and I saw him flinch when he noticed.

Edward patted her on the shoulder. "Don't worry Alice, you can't be held responsible for the behavior of this big ape."

"Heyyyyy. Dude, I'm just pleased you're finally getting some, that's all. It's all meant with love, man." Emmett stepped forward and put his hand on Edward's shoulder, and I saw something pass between them. Suddenly Edward reached out and pulled him into a man hug, both of them patting each other's backs heartily.

"I know, just don't. Ok?" Edward stepped away and taking my hand led us all outside into the yard.

The day was warm, but cloudy. It would have been perfect in our old life, and today I was glad it meant that Edward's family could be here. Even Rosalie looked pleased to see him, although I could sense some urgency coming from her.

Edward sat on the soft grass, and dragged me down into his lap. I settled into him, relishing in the comfort of his arms as he wrapped them around me. He nipped at the skin under my ear and he whispered into it. "We'll get back to that later."

"We sure will." We kissed softly for a moment, but then I wrenched my eyes away from his, suddenly realising that everybody else could also hear our exchange, even if it was in whispers.

I felt the ground beneath me tremble as Emmett dropped to the floor beside us, quickly followed by Rosalie and Alice.

"But seriously, you're looking good dude. All fleshy yeah, but good. How are you doing?" Emmett was smiling, but there was concern in his eyes too, he clearly knew more about how Edward had been doing than he was letting on.

"Good, good, it's taking some getting used to… but I think the pros are outweighing the cons." He squeezed me against him a little tighter as he spoke, and I felt his lips whisper against my neck.

When Rosalie spoke she surprised me, her voice was little more than a whisper. She was focusing on pulling grass out of the lawn a blade at a time, avoiding all of our eyes. "Are they?"

Silence descended on us all, I realised that Rosalie envied Edward his newfound humanity, and I wondered whether there was any way we could work out how it had happened for her sake. I began to think about everything that had happened that day, but nothing had seemed extraordinary.

The last Friday that Edward had been a vampire, I had worked all day in Newton's store. He had picked me up at the end of the day; he had been driving me to and from work every day after complaining that he was seeing less of me during the holidays than he did when we were at school. I didn't remember anything unusual; it had seemed like any other afternoon.

Edward had taken me home to shower and change, and then we had gone out for dinner at our favourite little Italian restaurant in Port Angeles. Well, I had dinner and Edward watched me eat, as he always did. We had spent the meal talking about what we planned to do with the rest of the holidays, once I had finished working my summer hours at Newton's. He had been in a good mood, as he had tended to be on Fridays over the summer, and we had laughed a lot that night.

We were home by eight-thirty, due of course to Edward's crazy driving. Charlie had been waiting for me, and I had spent some time with him that evening after Edward dropped me off. I had assumed that Edward had gone hunting while I was with Charlie, as he had been habitually doing on a Friday night, in preparation for the weekend. I hadn't rushed to bed because of that, knowing that it would probably be a while before he joined me in my room.

When I eventually went upstairs he still wasn't back, and I'd checked that my window was open before climbing into bed. I remembered him coming in through the window a little later than usual, and some part of me focused on that memory for a second. Did I remember him stumbling slightly on his way in through the window? Did Edward ever stumble as a vampire?

I couldn't honestly remember for sure, but for some reason it seemed significant.

Before I could say anything, Edward broke the silence. "I know Rose, I'm sorry but I'm not sure it's going to help."

"Edward, please. You have to tell me how it happened. _Please_." She was staring at him, the desperation in her face plain for all to see. "You know better than anyone how much I want this, what this means to me. _Please_..."

"I can only tell you what I think caused me to become human again, but I can't be sure. And to be honest it makes me sound completely nuts."

I looked back at Edward in surprise. He had claimed to have no idea what had caused his change back into human form. Had he known all along? "What?"

"Sorry love, maybe I should have told you… but I wasn't sure what you'd think of me after I did." He chewed on his bottom lip for a moment, in a way that reminded me of myself. He looked strangely like a naughty schoolboy who had just been caught with his hand in the cookie jar as he did it. Something in me fluttered; I _really _liked that expression.

"Oh for the love of God Edward." Alice scowled, clearly frustrated. "Just tell her, it's really not that bad!"

"You already know?" Rosalie and I spoke at the same time, my voice sounding as surprised as I felt, but Rosalie's could only be described as enraged.

Edward didn't give Alice a chance to reply. "Only because I decided that I would tell you today Rose. Don't pitch a fit."

I harrumphed and elbowed him in the stomach, catching his eye with a glare.

"Ok, ok." He tried to smile, but it turned into more of a grimace. "I'm pretty sure it was something I ate." He shifted uncomfortably beneath me, and I realised he was blushing.

"I went hunting that night, after Bella and I got back from Port Angeles, and I caught a scent that I had never smelled before. It was amazing, better than human I'd say. Better even than you." He tightened his grip on me as he leant in and inhaled deeply along the curve of my neck. "Do you know you don't smell the same to me now? The scent of freesias is entirely gone... Now you smell even better."

"Yes, yes, we all know how nice Bella smells. Thanks for the update." Emmett rolled his eyes as he spoke. "What was it that smelled even better?"

All three of them leant infinitesimally closer to us, waiting for what Edward would have to say.

"I was afraid at first. I was sure that a scent that good couldn't be an animal, but I couldn't resist it. It dragged me towards the creature as if I had no control over my body." I felt him tense beneath me, and I rubbed his arm reassuringly, trying to silently tell him that it didn't matter whatever it was that brought us this miracle.

"I found myself in a clearing, miles away from here, deep in the mountains. To one side I saw an animal, the source of the scent; before I could even think about what I was doing I fell upon it and fed." He closed his eyes as he spoke, remembering what had happened I was sure.

"My thirst was quenched as it never had been before as I drank, to the point it was entirely gone. Even human blood used to merely quell the thirst, quiet it for a while, until the burn inevitably came back. But this was different, by the time I had finished there was no more _desire_ for blood even."

"I began to feel strange almost immediately, and I decided to run back to Bella's house. But it took me twice as long to get back as it had taken me to reach the clearing in the first place. I was getting tired as I ran; I had to slow down a couple of times, and I began to worry I'd poisoned myself."

"I got back here and struggled to get in the window, I felt weak, and wrong. All I wanted to do was get into Bella's bed and hope it went away." I turned to watch him as he spoke, his eyes met mine, and they were filled with joy. "The last thing I remember of that night is lying beside you, watching as you fell asleep while I hummed your lullaby. I didn't feel well, but there was no pain."

He held my gaze, and we both smiled gently at each other. His voice was soft and he caressed my cheek with his fingers. "The next thing I knew, I was waking up with you looking at me like I'd gone insane."

There was a hushed silence for a moment, before Rosalie broke it in no more than a whisper. "What was it?"

"Um…" Edward fidgeted beneath me for a second, and I could sense his discomfort. "I think it was a kind of a horse."

"I've had horse." Emmett grumbled. "They taste like shit."

"And…" Rosalie indicated up and down Emmett's frame, clearly pointing out the fact he was still a vampire. "What did it look like?"

"It was white… and had a golden mane and an unusual tail. And it had kind of an antler." Edward ran his hand through his hair a couple of times, something I had already learned that he did when he was uncomfortable.

"You mean it was actually a type of deer?" Rosalie was starting to look irritated, I watched as Emmett put a hand on her arm to steady her.

"No, I'm pretty sure it was a type of horse…" Edward fidgeted again.

In my mind I had a picture of a white horse with a pair of antlers like a big buck deer, but then I focused a little harder on what he'd said. "Did you say _antler_, singular?"

"Yes." I could feel heat spreading across Edwards skin, and I looked around to see that he was blushing.

Why would he be blushing?

The picture in my mind morphed suddenly, from the strange horse/deer hybrid it had been before, into a beautiful white horse, with a single slim horn rising up from its forehead. "Do you mean like a _Unicorn_?"

"Mmhmm." Edward mumbled; his face now bright pink, and his eyes avoiding mine studiously.

There was silence for a beat, before a sudden booming laugh broke out from Emmett's direction, and I looked up to see that he was clutching at his sides as he virtually rolled about on the grass. "And I had dinner with fucking Santa Claus last night!"

Alice and Rosalie were looking between Emmett and Edward, wearing matching scowls as Emmett continued to laugh while Edward tried to ignore him.

"Oh! Oh! Wait! Wait!" Emmett was still laughing, and I was sure there would have been tears running down his face if he had been human. "And don't even get me started on that six foot bunny I ate on Easter last year! I craved chocolate for a week afterwards!"

I saw the corners of Edward's mouth twitch at that, and he suddenly aimed a kick at Emmett's shin. Emmett dodged out of his way easily, still laughing.

Edward finally broke into a grin as he lobbed a large pebble at Emmett's head, which missed. "And you wondered why I didn't want to fucking tell you."

Rosalie's scowl deepened, "I don't see what's so funny. This is important to me Edward… why can't you two just be serious for a minute. Jesus." She shook her head for a moment, before glaring at Emmett who was now regaining some control over himself. "Idiot."

"I am being serious Rose." Edward leveled his gaze at her, the smile fading from his lips. "I never used the word Unicorn; I just described what I… saw."

Both Emmett and Rosalie sat back, and looked incredulously at us, clearly trying to work out whether or not Edward was actually kidding. I glanced at Alice to see that she wasn't looking in the least bit surprised.

You know, it's got to be boring, always being quite that self-satisfied.

Finally Emmett broke the silence, "Wait. Edward… Are you telling us you ate a _Unicorn? For Real?_ That's just… I don't know what that is. _Dude_."

I was feeling just as incredulous as Emmett. "What do you mean a Unicorn? There isn't any such thing!"

I had turned in Edward's lap to face him, as honestly I was thinking he had to be joking, but his expression was serious. "What would you have said if I'd told you I was a vampire this time a year ago Bella?"

"I… I don't know. But a Unicorn? Really? Are Hippogriffs real too, as if they are, then that's something I _have_ to see."

Edward rolled his eyes at me, before turning towards Rosalie. "The creature had a kind of glow about it. It was beautiful, and after I'd killed it, I felt bad, like it was wrong to have harmed it."

"Edward… There's no such thing as Unicorns." Rosalie spoke softly, and I could hear sadness in her voice. Whether she thought Edward was lying to her, or simply bonkers, I wasn't sure.

Alice had been quiet through all of this, but now she interjected. "Just because we ourselves are fantastical creatures, doesn't mean we have full access to anything else fantastical in this world. We know from what's happened that _something_ was pretty out of the ordinary on Friday night."

"But…" Rosalie tried to interrupt, but Alice wouldn't let her.

"No Rose. The timing works for when I had my vision of Edward, it has to be this. And whether you call it a Unicorn or a horse with an antler, if you want your humanity back, that is what you have to find."

"I… don't understand… surely we'd have heard about something like this happening before?" Rosalie muttered, almost to herself. "I mean, surely _someone_ must have heard about this before, whether it is a Unicorn, or something else?"

"I don't know, but not many vampires feed from animals do they Rose?" Edward replied. Everyone was serious now; even Emmett had stopped trying to joke about the situation. "Maybe this is… a first."

"Maybe we should…" Rosalie glanced at Alice, who suddenly sat forward.

"No! We can't go to them! Edward's human now, it's against the law!" Alice glared between Rosalie and Emmett for a second, until both of them nodded in agreement.

"What law?" I asked Edward quietly, leaning back into him as I did.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Alice shake her head slightly, but she had stopped before I could turn to face her again.

"It's nothing Bella, nothing to worry about," Edward replied. "Alice just thinks that… maybe killing the creature as I did was against the law."

"That's never bothered you before," I said. I wasn't sure if I was being paranoid or not, but I seemed to be missing something.

"No, but as she said, I'm human now. I can't be above the law anymore."

_Oh. Ok._

"You have to tell me where you were. Exactly." Rosalie suddenly interrupted; she looked like she was bursting out of her own skin, ready to take flight any second.

Edward lifted me off of his lap and placed me gently on the grass. "Come inside, I'll show you on the map… once you get in the general direction follow my scent."

As Edward and Rosalie headed indoors, I felt a moment of panic at leaving him alone with her. In my heart of hearts I knew it was irrational, but I didn't trust Rosalie in the same way as Alice or Emmett. I watched as he walked beside her, betraying no signs of nerves in her presence. Despite my worry, I smiled a little smile to myself as they entered the house, proud of how far he had come in just a few days.

"How are you doing, little lady?" I came out of my contemplation when I realised that Emmett was talking to me; both he and Alice were watching me quietly.

"Amazing. Fantastic. Terrified." I threw my head back and laughed at my own weird mixture of adjectives. "He is wonderful, _we_ are wonderful. But it's not easy."

I stopped and thought about why I was worried for a moment. "I'm not really sure he's got his head around all of the ramifications yet. I'm worried that once he really understands how weak he is in comparison with before, and the fact that he's actually mortal now, he'll not be happy anymore. And I'm so happy; I don't think I could stand that."

Alice took my hand and nodded in understanding. "One day at a time Bella."

I wondered for a moment what she had seen for us. Was our path clear? Could she see our future stretching before us without a cloud in the sky? I somehow doubted it. Surely if that was the case she would have told me, or at least reassured me. Her silence spoke volumes.

We were quiet as we waited for Rosalie and Edward to return. Alice stroked my hand soothingly, not asking me to talk anymore. I allowed myself to relax for the first time in days, relieved that now I had Alice and the others around again to rely on. I hadn't realised quite how alone I had felt with Edward at first, unused to him leaning on me. I knew that I had been spoiled by him, since we met he had been there for me in every way, but his strength had made it seem as if he carried me, without needing anything in return.

I realised that this was what had most fundamentally changed between us. We were now a couple, leaning on each other, not one carrying the other. The thought made me smile; my heart was full of such love for him, if he needed anyone I was glad for it to be me. I knew that I would do anything for him, be anything for him. I just hoped that I would be enough to get him through whatever lay ahead of us. For both our sakes.

A few moments later I watched as Edward walked back outside towards us. He was smiling as he caught my eye, relieved I'm sure that we hadn't all disowned him on the spot for having eaten a mythical creature. Alice didn't move, but Emmett stood up and waved, before flitting away, undoubtedly to join Rosalie in her search.

Edward sat beside me again, and I took his hand, nestling it into my lap as I stroked it lazily. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the warmth around me; the heat of the day, the warmth of his hand, and the love that warmed my heart whenever I looked at him. I wanted it to last forever.

* * *

**A/N – So there we are, what do you think? I'd love to hear your reaction to Edward's little confession…… **

**I hope you enjoyed getting 2 chapters within 24 hours…. Merry Christmas! I'm fairly certain that this will be the last chapter between now and the big day, but Human Edward will be back before the New Year, enjoying getting his first suntan in 91 years!**

**Oh, and by the way, **_**I**_** know what Bella and Edward would have been doing if Emmett had been 5 minutes later, as I wrote it before I decided it didn't go with the tone of the chapter. I'm sure it will crop up somewhere, either later on or as an outtake, as it's something that deserves to be shared with the class…**

**Finally, congratulations to my beta venomaddict, who placed third in the Sparkle Awards for Best Romance with her epic story "Choices". If you've not found it already, check it out, it's almost complete, and has some great twists and turns. (And **_**a lot**_** of filth!)**

**Have a good one.**

**Ria.**


	14. Florida

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight! I have finally worked out how to fix the full stop key on my laptop though, so it's not all bad.

Thanks, hugs and kisses go to my beta venomaddict, without whom this wouldn't be nearly so much fun ;).

**Edward**

The seatbelt light turned off in front of us, and I immediately took the chance to unclip mine and then Bella's belts, and pull her into my lap. The first class seats I had booked us for our trip to Florida were more than big enough for two, and I saw no reason why our romantic break away shouldn't start as soon as possible.

"Hmmm, much better," she muttered into my chest as she snuggled in closer. I leant down and smelled her hair, before I brushed my lips across the top of her head.

"I thought so."

First class was nearly empty, the flight from Seattle to Florida being early on a Thursday morning in the last but one week of the summer holidays. The stewardess had already taken our drinks orders, and when she returned with two freshly squeezed orange juices a few moments later, I caught her smile as she looked at us cuddled up together in the seat.

Bella had worked her last day at Newton's store the day before, and I'd taken the chance to book our holiday while she was out of the house. She had agreed with Renee on Tuesday night that we would stay with her from Thursday until Sunday, but Phil had an away game over the weekend, so we would be leaving Sunday morning, headed for the Florida Keys, and _peace._

I'd been glad to be able to book everything while Bella was at work, as she would have gone ballistic if she'd realised quite how much this little jaunt was costing. It didn't matter to me of course, but I knew that Bella would make a big issue of the fact that her ticket out alone had cost more than she had earned over the entire summer in Newton's. The last minute booking charges did feel somewhat excessive, seeing as the plane was virtually empty, but I didn't let it worry me.

I had managed to book a small bungalow on the beach in the Florida Keys for after we left Renee's, which had also been ridiculously expensive. I'd had to take it for two weeks in order to secure it, but we were only staying for four days as per our agreement with Charlie. I hadn't mentioned this fact to Bella, and I hoped that the modesty of the bungalow would prevent her from figuring out the price tag.

Overall I was feeling very pleased with myself, as things went. I was getting to take my girl on holiday, and I had plans to make it a trip to remember.

_Thank you very much Google_.

"What are you looking so pleased with yourself about, Mr. Cullen?" I looked down to see Bella resting on my chest, looking up into my eyes. I couldn't help but watch as she took a small sip of orange juice, and licked her lips after. She grinned, knowing perfectly well what she was doing to me.

We had returned to our more chaste ways since Tuesday afternoon, Alice had been around a lot, a fact which I was grateful for, but between her and Charlie we hadn't had a moment to ourselves apart from at night.

Oh yes, at night. After my first night in Bella's bed I had realized that if we carried on in that vein, I was going to end up shot by Charlie before the end of the week.

No, that's unfair. Charlie had been nothing but kind and supportive towards me, and I simply didn't wish to betray his trust, or cause him any upset. I knew he was trying his hardest, and that allowing me to stay the night in Bella's room was probably killing him. The next night I had gone to bed dressed _securely_, and before Bella had headed for the bathroom I had handed her, her most ladylike pajamas. She had understood, and I hoped felt the same way as I did about Charlie's feelings. So the last two nights had been very quiet, I held her in my arms as we slept, but nothing more.

"I'm just pleased to have you all to myself for a while. Our lives have been entirely too crowded for my liking over the last couple of days," I replied.

"Not for long, Renee has lots of plans for this weekend. She wants to get to know you." She rolled her eyes as she spoke, something which I didn't really remember her doing very much until recently. I hoped that my cynicism wasn't rubbing off on her.

"We didn't speak a lot when we were down in Phoenix, admittedly."

Both Renee and I had been too worried about Bella to converse freely the last time we had met, in the spring. To be absolutely honest, it had been clear by her reactions to me that her sense of self preservation was more than adequate. Renee had never allowed herself to be alone in a room with me, and even with others there she had kept a careful distance between us. Her thoughts at the time had never been clear; she was simply uncomfortable in my presence, something which I didn't blame her for in the slightest.

"Well, you've charmed Charlie in the space of less than a week, so I'm sure Renee will be a piece of cake." She giggled as I quirked an eyebrow questioningly at her comment.

"Have I?"

"_Edward_ – Charlie patted your arm twice this morning, telling you to take care. All I got was a 'see ya soon' and a shoulder bump." It was my turn to roll my eyes at her.

"I'm fairly certain he meant for me to take care of you. I'm not the one known for getting myself into trouble after all."

Bella harrumphed at me, and as we both drank our orange juice, waiting for our breakfast to arrive. I simply enjoyed holding her in my arms in silence.

After a short discussion, we had agreed it would be best to tell Charlie exactly what we had planned for this trip away (ok, not exactly, he didn't like me that much), rather than risk being caught out in a lie. I wanted to repay the trust he was showing in us, with respect and honesty, and I hoped on that basis our relationship would continue to improve.

We had explained to him that we wanted to have a few days of holiday in the Keys, with Bella not having had a holiday as such over the summer due to her working the whole time. He had visibly paled at first, but after a few moments he had relaxed and simply told us to make sure we were home by next Thursday, to give us a chance to prepare to go back to school the following week.

After a few minutes, Bella broke the quiet between us with a whisper.

"You know Rosalie's never going to find one don't you?

We hadn't mentioned my little revelation since Emmett and Rosalie had left on Tuesday afternoon. I hadn't liked to bring it up again, unsure as I was if Bella believed me, and even wondering if she thought I was insane. Hell, I wasn't even sure myself.

"Why do you say that?" I asked, with a degree of trepidation.

"Well, she doesn't have the… _qualifications,_ does she?" Bella snorted softly as she spoke, as if there was an in joke between us.

"Qualifications?"

"Yes… you know."

"I'm sorry Bella; I honestly don't know what you mean." She frowned at me as I spoke, seeming surprised that I didn't understand what she was talking about.

"Well… _unicorns. _Only certain people can find them."

"Oh. How do you know that?"

"I Googled them."

_Oh. Google strikes again. Why didn't I think of that?_

"You Googled them?" I felt faintly surprised. I had been so disbelieving of what I'd seen with my own eyes, I'd assumed that no one else would believe me either. I should have known that Bella would though; she never failed to surprise me.

"Well, yeah. I Googled vampires when I first found out about you, it seemed to be the way to go." She shrugged, as I broke into a small smile.

"And what did you find out?"I asked, as Bella smiled back at me. She could obviously also see the humor in this situation, the fact that _she_ was the one telling _me _this, rather than the other way around.

"Well, unicorn lore states that the horn can cure any type of poison." Her voice was hushed, and she stopped speaking for a few seconds as the stewardess walked past us again. "So I figured maybe the blood would have the same effect."

"So… it cured my body of the effects of vampire venom?" She shrugged again, but nodded at the same time. I was impressed that a few minutes on the internet could provide such a sensible sounding explanation for such a crazy occurrence.

I paused for a moment as I digested what she had said, before I remembered the comment that had started this conversation in the first place.

"What did you mean about Rosalie not finding one?"

"It also said that Unicorns were attracted to virgins. I'm pretty sure that would exclude Rosalie." It was my turn to snort as she said that.

"I would say so." Next I asked her something I had wanted to ask her before, but I didn't like to raise the topic in case it forced her to admit that she actually thought I _was_ insane. "So… you believe me then?"

"Why not? If there are vampires in this world, why can't there be unicorns?"

"And werewolves…"

"What was that?"

I realised that I had muttered a fleeting thought aloud.

"Nothing important. You're right of course. I didn't really look at it that way. Being a vampire is just my normality. _Was_, I should say…" I looked into her eyes for a long moment and thanked God for her once again, something that was becoming a habit almost every time I thought of her. Bella had accepted what I had told her completely, and then she had helped me make more sense of it for myself.

_She truly is my better half... I want to ask her to marry me._

_Shhh. Give her time._

At that moment, the Stewardess set down our breakfasts, and Bella shuffled back over into her own seat to eat, as our conversation moved onto lighter subjects. The rest of the flight passed that way, talking about my family and Charlie, and what each of us was expecting to come out of senior year. I was surprised to find myself actually looking forward to it, the first time I would be able to fully participate in school activities in nearly ninety years.

The flight took a little over six hours, though with the time difference we finally managed to make it through security by just past three in the afternoon, local time. We collected our bags, and then Bella began to head in the direction of the car rental desk.

"Hold on." I chased after her and caught her by the arm.

"I thought we had a car booked?" She scowled at me slightly; it appears that six hours on a plane leads to a cranky Bella.

"We do, but I fancied something Budget couldn't supply me with." I wrinkled my nose in disgust at the thought of the horrible little compact cars which had been available to hire from this particular airport. "There should be someone outside waiting for us."

Again, it was amazing what could be arranged via the internet. I had found a company who specialized in hiring out high performance, classic cars, and convinced them to meet us at the airport with my request. I was feeling quite excited as we approached the exit, and I soon spotted a man holding a card with the name 'Cullen' on it.

He led us to the car park, and as we reached my toy for the next week, he tossed me the keys. "Have fun dude, she rides like a dream."

I discreetly passed him a hundred dollar tip, knowing that he would now need to make his way back via public transport, something which I never envied anybody. As I did, Bella circled the car warily.

"What is it?" She was standing staring at the badge on the front of the car, and I couldn't help but chuckle. Only Bella wouldn't be able to tell exactly what this was, from that badge.

"It's a Mustang. A classic, pure American muscle car, it's part of our national culture Bella." I couldn't help but admire the enormous black beast before me. The roof was already down, and I was delighted that the heat of Florida would allow us to leave it that way for the duration of our holiday.

"It looks expensive."

"It is. Horribly. But it's my little present to myself, so there's nothing for you to feel guilty about. I probably won't even let you drive it."

And it had been horrendously expensive, rental on this beauty was by the hour, but my first impression assured me that it was worth every penny. There were only a handful of these specific cars available to hire in the country, and I regretted to myself yet again that I had sold the one I drove myself through much of the late nineteen-sixties.

While I was still standing admiring it, Bella had lobbed her bag into the back seat and was climbing into the passenger seat smiling to herself.

"Boys and their toys," she muttered as she climbed in, and I couldn't help but agree with her.

The drive from the airport to Renee's house was far too short for my liking, and when we pulled up outside, I was surprised by what we found. I wasn't sure quite what I was expecting, but I had always heard from Bella about her impoverished childhood, so I was expecting something far more modest than we were actually confronted with.

The house was large and white, with a beautiful porch on the front with a swing to one side of the front door. The path leading to the front door was gravel, and cut through a bright green lawn, as lush as any found in Washington. With the deep blue sky behind it as a backdrop, the house shone brightly in the sunlight, looking to me what must seem a little slice of heaven in Bella's eyes.

I turned to look at her and saw how thrilled she was to be here, and for some reason my heart sank slightly. In the sunshine, Bella seemed to come alive, the red highlights in her hair glinted brightly, and her creamy skin looked even more beautiful than it did in the dreary grey of Forks. I thought about it for a second, and realised that I had only ever seen her in sunlight like this once or twice before, despite the fact that this was clearly where she belonged.

As I watched, her eyes brightened further. I turned to see Renee rushing out of the door towards us.

"Bella, baby! I've been waiting for you all day, I forgot what time your flight was, so I couldn't go out just in case you got here and I was out!"

Bella opened the door to the car and raced towards her mother, and within seconds they had their arms wrapped around each other in a bone-crushing hug.

"Oh, Mom! I _told_ you to write it down."

She was laughing at her mother, and my tiny moment of melancholy passed as I absorbed how beautiful she was. It no longer mattered if she belonged in the sun or not, if that was where she wanted to be, I'd be right there with her.

"Edward, come and meet my Mom." Bella had turned to face me, and I could see in her eyes that she had guessed I was brooding about something.

"We have actually met before you know Bella, numerous times in fact." I chuckled as I got out of the car and walked towards them, both still standing on the lawn in front of the house.

Renee was dressed in direct contrast to Bella, her light skirt and strappy top suited to the heat of Florida, Bella's jeans and long sleeved shirt left over from waking up this morning in a cloudy, and definitely cooler, Forks. The brief summer we had enjoyed for the last few days seeming to have passed already.

"I know." Bella took my hand as I reached them, and turned towards her Mother, almost as if she was excited. "But I was out of it then, this time I get to make sure you're nice to each other."

"It's nice to see you again Mrs. Dwyer." I reached my hand out expectantly towards Renee, but she didn't take it.

Instead she was standing staring at me quite openly, with her mouth slightly agape. There was a pause for a moment, before she finally took my hand.

"Edward... Call me Renee." She swallowed as she finally closed her mouth with an audible snap. "What… You seem… _different_?"

I knew from Bella, as well as my time with Renee in Phoenix in the spring, that she was unusually perceptive, even childlike, so I couldn't find it in me to be surprised that she would notice the changes in me, or even that she would point them out.

I focused on her for a second, listening to her thoughts to try and gauge how much of a difference she had spotted in me.

_Younger… different. Maybe there's nothing to worry about after all..._

"I think the last time we met, the stress we were both under would have made us seem quite different to our usual selves Renee. I have to say, you look much younger than I remembered you."

An enormous grin stretched across her features, and I could hear in her thoughts that I was in the clear.

"Why Edward, I think you must be right!" She grabbed Bella by her elbow and began to lead her into the house. "Come on you two, you must both change; you must be absolutely boiling in jeans."

I ran back to the car to grab our bags, and then headed into the house. I trailed behind Bella and Renee as my poor girl's Mother talked at her so fast she couldn't get a word in edgeways.

The hallway was wide and open, light coming into it from both the front and the back of the house. In the centre of the room was a wide staircase, which Renee led Bella straight up, stopping outside of a room to the left of the stairs when we reached the first floor.

"This is your room Bella. I've made it yours, and made sure it's as you'd like it, just in case you ever wanted to come home."

I caught Bella's slightly irritated expression out of the corner of my eye as she replied. "Thanks Mom, but home is Forks these days."

I remembered her conversation with Charlie a few days ago, relayed to me by Alice. She had spent a long time convincing Charlie that she had no intention of moving to Florida, and I was beginning to see why he had got that impression from Renee.

"I'm just saying sweetie. If ever you felt like seeing the sun more than twice a year, you always have a place here."

"Thanks Mom." As Bella walked through the door into 'her' room I could see her bite back another response, still annoyed by Renee's efforts to upset Charlie earlier in the week.

I hovered outside for a moment, unsure if our sleeping arrangements in Forks would carry on in Florida. My heart suddenly dropped as I wondered if I would be consigned to the spare room… alone. The last couple of nights had been remarkably nightmare free, but I couldn't help but feel that alone in the dark in a strange room they might make an unwelcome reappearance.

"Edward?" Bella called me from her room, so I walked in, shuffling my feet uncertainly.

The room was large and bright, a direct contrast to her room in Forks, but there was nothing of Bella in it. There were windows on two sides, letting light stream in almost blindingly. The walls were a soft peach colour, with small flower motifs stenciled in the corners. A large double bed sat in the middle of the room, the only other furniture a dressing table and a chest of drawers. On top of the chest of drawers I could see several pictures I was familiar with from Bella's room in Forks, but nothing of hers.

Despite being beautiful and bright, the room wasn't as beautiful as the one in Forks, as that was all Bella. This was really little more than a spare room.

"You have your own bathroom over there. I know how you hate to share." Renee pointed towards a doorway on the other side of the bed. "Why don't you two get washed up and changed, Phil will be home in an hour or so, I thought we could all go for dinner and get caught up."

"Ok Mom. Thanks." Bella smiled more genuinely at Renee this time as she left the room, with me still very much in situ.

I waited until a few seconds after Renee had closed the door, I listened as her footsteps padded away from us down the hall towards the staircase.

"So…" I mumbled. "I wasn't sure if there was another room for me?"

"Don't be silly." Bella laughed and ran towards me, throwing her arms around my neck and reaching up to kiss me softly on the lips. "It was Renee who talked Charlie around, she wouldn't expect you to be anywhere but in here with me."

"Ok." I smiled, more relieved than I should have been. It suddenly struck me that my inability to sleep without Bella due to my nightmares maybe wasn't very healthy.

"Do you mind if I go and shower first? I hate planes." Bella looked up at me with an adorable scowl on her face, and I reached down and returned her kiss.

"Of course. Go on, I'll take a look around 'your' room, maybe unpack." _Maybe fantasize a little about you in the shower._

"Cool." She turned and grabbed her bag, before heading for the bathroom.

I looked around me for a moment after she was gone; searching again for any sign of Bella in the beautiful room we were now staying in. When I found none, I walked to the window and stared out at the street Renee was living on. In fact, this was probably one of the smaller houses on the street, many of the others being much larger in comparison. It was a nice neighborhood. The cars in every driveway were new, the houses well kept and tidy.

_Why does Bella want to stay in Forks again?_

I unpacked my clothes into the chest of drawers, more for something to do while I waited for Bella to finish in the bathroom than anything else. Finally with nothing else to occupy my mind I went and lay down on the bed, kicking my shoes off before I leant back on the light sheets, which felt odd after the thick comforter I was used to at home.

I lay there for a while, looking at the ceiling, my mind drifting pleasantly in way that was still brand new to me. As a vampire I was used to having several trains of thought running at once, to be able to lay and simply… turn it all off… was great.

After a few minutes I rolled over, and spotted a bedside table to my right. I leant across and opened the top drawer, searching for something to read while I waited. I'd heard the water stop a few minutes before, so I knew Bella would be coming out again shortly.

I couldn't see what I was reaching for, and I was too lazy to move to look in the drawer properly, so I simply grabbed the first thing that came to hand. Still lying on my back I looked at the magazine I was holding, and my jaw dropped.

On the front, a blonde woman gaped out at me, her mouth open alluringly, and her enormous breasts cupped in her hands, unencumbered by any kind of clothing. I gulped.

_Holy Fuck._

I took a cursory glance at the title of the publication in my hands. "Juggs."

_Hmm. Classy._

Without my bidding my hands began to flick through the magazine, my eyes growing wider with every page. I hadn't ever really been terribly interested in pornography of any kind. Emmett had had a penchant for Playboy in the Sixties, which I had occasionally read the articles in, but I hadn't seen anything else of this kind since then, not up close anyway. So this modern porn was… surprising.

The graphic images on every page were… shocking, but, I couldn't tear my eyes away. I could feel the blood beginning to pound in my ears as I stared at the intimate pictures in the magazine, and my pants began to tighten in an all too familiar way.

_I have to stop looking at this._

I tried to make myself put the magazine back in the drawer, but just as I resolved to do it I turned onto a page with _two_ naked… ladies… _together._

_Did I say Holy Fuck yet?_

My breath started to come in sharp pants, and I moved my hand so I could press against the now raging erection in my jeans. My hips had begun to move slightly under my hand, my eyes unable to move from the disturbingly erotic picture in front of me.

"Ahem."

I almost leapt three feet into the air when I glanced up to find Bella watching me from the bathroom doorway to my right, with an amused expression on her face.

"Should I leave you three alone?" she snickered, as I felt my cheeks flood with color, feeling utterly mortified.

"No! _Shit_!" I threw the magazine away as hard as I could, and it hit the wall in front of me and fell to the floor, open on the very page I had just been… enjoying.

"I see Renee left you some reading material." I closed my eyes and cringed in embarrassment as she came and sat down on the bed beside me. "It's ok, Edward. What's the matter?"

"I feel completely humiliated. I just couldn't put the damn thing down by the time I realised what it was." I kept my eyes closed, not able to look her in the eye at all.

_Maybe if I just sit here she'll get up and go away, and I'll… just… die, or something._

I felt her lean into me, and I jumped when I felt her hand rest on my hard-on at the same time as she kissed me seductively, flicking her tongue across my bottom lip as she pulled away.

"Well, would you feel less humiliated if I told you it turned me on, seeing you become aroused like that?" She began to rub me through my jeans, and right then I would have agreed to anything.

"Maybe." I opened one eye and looked at her. She was smiling devilishly at me, which I couldn't help but reciprocate. "But why is your mother leaving me porn?"

"Oh." She stopped her ministrations for a second and looked awkward suddenly. "She wondered why we hadn't… had sex yet. She might have got the idea that you needed a bit of… encouragement."

Before I had a chance to reply she had undone the fly of my jeans and slipped her hand in, wrapping her fingers around my length.

"Little does she know, eh?" she whispered as I moaned, my hips beginning to move into her hand, my cock still throbbing from looking at the magazine.

"God Bella… what did I do to deserve you?"

I lay down on the bed, her hand on my chest guiding me backwards until my head hit the pillow. I felt my pants button being undone, and then she pulled my pants and boxers down to around my thighs. I looked down to watch her, still stroking my erection with her tiny hand.

Catching my eye, she gave me a sudden squeeze; causing me to thrust into her hand again, my cock leaking already I was so turned on.

_It seems that lesbian porn is my downfall._

I closed my eyes and concentrated on what she was doing to me, dismissing any other thoughts from my mind. She stroked me a few more times, running her fingers softly across the tip, and making my body jerk every time she did it.

Suddenly I felt her hair collecting on my thighs. I looked down in time to see her stretch her tongue towards me, and lick my length slowly, from bottom to top.

"Ohhhhh…" I almost yelled as she did it, the pounding in my loins reaching an almost unbearable level.

"Please Bella..." I begged her to do it, no thought in my mind at that moment apart from the desire to feel her mouth on me.

She sat back a little and looked at me, softly squeezing my hard-on again as she watched my reaction. I felt precum trickle down my length as she did it, the curling in my groin already almost at its peak.

She must have seen the desperation in my expression, as suddenly she leant forward and sucked my tip into her mouth, her tongue pressing firmly against the head as she then sucked more of my length in.

My hips bucked upwards involuntarily, which made her pull away quickly with a surprised look on her face.

"Sorry." I mumbled, internally cursing my body's reactions.

She simply shook her head and smiled as she lowered her mouth down towards me again, enveloping my tip with her lips. She sucked me in deeper this time, and proceeded to bob her head up and down, sucking constantly as I fought the urge to thrust into her mouth again.

She continued moving up and down at a relentless pace, but then she took the base of my cock in her hand and began to squeeze in rhythm with her other movements as well. I threw my head back and stopped looking at what she was doing, hoping to prolong the inevitable, but I couldn't hold back. My body was so hopelessly aroused before Bella had even entered the room, my control had completely evaporated.

"_Fuck… _I'm coming," I grunted, hoping I was giving her enough warning to let me go, before, with another involuntary thrust, I came hard, still wrapped tightly in her mouth.

Every muscle in my body tensed, and my back arched as I spurted hard and fast into her mouth, regretting what I was doing to her a little, even as I experienced such overwhelming pleasure. My orgasm seemed to go on and on, and I couldn't help making a few more uneven thrusts as I rode out my pleasure, biting back a cry I didn't want to share with the entire household.

Finally I slumped back, my eyes closed as I gasped for breath. I felt Bella shuffle around beside me for a moment, before she curled up by my side, resting her head on my chest.

"We're taking the magazine home." I quirked one eye open at Bella as she spoke, still panting hard, and a little surprised to say the least. She saw my glance and smiled. "Anything you enjoy _that_ much has a space on my bookshelf."

I shook my head before I closed my eyes again, wanting to do nothing more than lay with the woman I loved in my arms, and take a nap.

**Bella**

Within five minutes of us curling up together on the bed, Edward was fast asleep. I suppressed a little chuckle as I shifted to look at him, he looked so relaxed and happy, and it filled me with joy just to look at him.

I eased away from him gently, making sure not to wake him up, and raced to the bathroom to brush my teeth. Alice had warned me what to expect from what I had just done, but somewhere along the way she forgot to mention the taste…

I pulled my bag out from the cupboard I'd left it in, and hurriedly sorted out my toothbrush and toothpaste.

I had decided to try… doing that to Edward a couple of days before, but Emmett had burst in on us before I'd gotten the chance. The thought of what he might have walked in on, had he arrived five minutes later, had actually kept me awake on Tuesday night, long after Edward had fallen asleep.

Alice had seen what I'd planned of course, and cornered me on Wednesday afternoon while Edward was on the phone to give me some 'hints'. At the time I'd been mortified, and hardly said a word as she gave me 'Fellatio one-oh-one' as she put it, my horror only growing as she demonstrated on a banana, which she swiftly tossed to one side when Edward entered the room.

But this afternoon I saw the wisdom in her words, and resolved to thank her when I got home. I had been quite surprised by the speed with which Edward had… responded to my actions, and I felt a degree of glee at his reaction.

Once I'd finished with my toothbrush, I wandered back out into the bedroom, and for a moment debated whether or not to go down and talk to Renee, or to stay with Edward. I hadn't seen my mother in months, but the bed did look so appealing with him in it…

And I really was tired; Edward was still waking up in the night with nightmares, although the speed with which he fell back asleep made me wonder if he was even actually aware of it at all. I would often wake to find him either struggling violently beside me, or with tears coursing down his cheeks as he sobbed.

After a few more moments of internal debate I gave in, and crawled back into the bed, snuggling into his side as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders again in his sleep. The last thing I did before I dropped off was to wrap us both up in the sheet from the top of the bed, to preserve his modesty in case my Mother walked in while we were asleep.

"Bella! Phil's home!"

I jerked awake when I heard my Mother's voice calling me from directly outside of our bedroom door. I opened my eyes to see Edward staring back at me, looking vaguely disoriented and quite alarmed. He immediately heaved his pants back on, as I got up from the bed and headed towards the door.

I opened it a crack, only to find Renee peering through at me.

"Bella, did you two fall asleep?" She glanced upwards, and I unconsciously shifted my hand up into my hair, which had dried pointing upwards as I'd slept.

"Yeah, um… sorry. Planes always do that to me."

I shifted nervously, until I heard water splashing in the sink in the bathroom.

"Do you want to come downstairs and see Phil? He's dying to see you, it's been ages!"

I allowed my Mother to drag me downstairs, knowing that Edward would follow me down as soon as he was changed. I was now wearing some loose Khaki shorts that Alice had bought me for the summer, which I'd not really had much chance to wear in Forks. I'd managed to find out my favorite white lace top from Phoenix as well, so I now felt ready to face the heat of Florida.

As we walked down the stairs Renee leant towards me and whispered conspiratorially into my ear.

"There are some magazines in your room. They're Phil's favourites, and I thought that they might help Edward." She smiled encouragingly as I groaned. I really did _not_ want to have this conversation again.

"Mom. Seriously. Stop. We don't have any issues that require a copy of Juggs to be brought into the equation." I realised my mistake immediately when her eyebrows disappeared into her hair.

"Well that was quick! And I thought you two were just having a nap!"

I tried to say that we had been, but the scarlet blush radiating across my cheeks made it impossible for me to lie, so I looked around the house and changed the subject.

"The house is lovely Mom, and it's so big!"

"I know, Phil's doing really well here. It's so nice not to have to worry about money for a change." We stopped as we reached the kitchen; through the window I could see Phil sitting out on the patio waiting for us. "You know, I mean it Bella, there's always a home here for you, if you want it"

"I know, thanks Mom. But home is with -" I caught myself as I nearly said Edward, "Charlie, for now. I like Forks; I've settled in, I have friends."

"And Edward." She was busy collecting glasses and drinks together, but she stopped as she said his name, and turned to face me.

"And Edward," I agreed as I nodded slowly, wondering where this was going.

Renee was quiet for a few minutes as she finished sorting out some drinks, and got some olives and nibbles out from inside the fridge. I walked around the room getting to know the place in silence, knowing what was coming next. Finally I heard her take a deep breath, and I turned around to face her.

"Look sweetie, I'm all for you having fun, and I can see you both clearly care about each other a lot. But I don't want you to make a mistake. They say life is short, but actually, it isn't." She wasn't smiling as she spoke, and a sad expression crossed her features.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, any decisions you make now, you'll have to live with for a long time. A very long time. Just don't rush into anything. You don't want to be making any commitments, at least until after you've been to college. Edward seems… younger than I'd remembered, and boys of his age aren't known for being very consistent, Bella."

Her words struck me harder than I'd thought they would, it hadn't occurred to me that Edward would be any different now than he had been before, but was she right? How much had Edward really turned into a teenage boy? Was he going to suddenly change his mind about what he wanted? Renee was watching me carefully, and I made myself throw her a sunny smile.

"Ok Mom, I know. We're just having fun anyway."

At that moment Edward walked into the kitchen, clearly having forgone the shower and washed and changed as quickly as he could manage. He scowled at Renee as he entered, and I guessed that he had probably heard at least part of our conversation, and was not happy about it.

He had changed into a loose fitting pair of board shorts, and a tight black T shirt. A pair of Ray-bans was resting on top of his damp hair, and he was wearing flip-flops on his bare feet.

"Edward, would you like a drink? I have lemonade or Coke?" Renee didn't seem to notice the death glare he was giving her, or the clipped tone he responded in.

"A Coke would be lovely, thank you." He was still glaring at her, as he walked up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling my back possessively against his chest.

Renee arranged all of the drinks and snacks together on a tray, and trotted out of the back door towards Phil, who waved when he saw her approaching. I made to follow her, but Edward held me back.

"She's wrong you know." He turned me around to face him as he spoke, his gaze intense. "My body may be seventeen, but up here," he tapped the side of his temple lightly with his forefinger, "I'm still me. And I _am _known for my consistency."

"I know." It came out higher than I meant it to, and I saw his eyes darken when he wasn't sure I believed him.

"How can I prove it to you? What do I have to do to make you believe me? I'm still the same man Bella." He sounded almost angry, and I suddenly realised what a stupid conversation we were having.

"I believe you. Honestly. It's just Renee, she's terrified I'm going to run off and get married before I'm thirty… she's always the same."

This time he seemed to believe me, and his expression visibly relaxed before my eyes. "Ok. But we're going to have to have serious words at some point about this not getting married before you're thirty issue, because it's just not going to do."

And with that he led me outside towards Renee and Phil, my mouth still hanging open in surprise.

We had drinks on the patio with Renee and Phil, and Edward reverted to his usual charming self. He was effortlessly charismatic, and within an hour he had both of them eating out of his hand, my Mother was virtually flirting with him.

I watched him as he chatted easily, and I realised that Edward had actually lost very little of his magnetism, which he had always claimed was part of the vampire, a lure for his prey. That clearly wasn't true at all. If anything, his vampire nature had detracted from his natural appeal, the uneasiness most people had felt around him, meaning they noticed his physical beauty, but missed everything else.

For the first time I wondered quite how he was going to deal with the other girls when we went back to school, as it looked like he was going to be beating them off him with a stick. Or I was.

_I wouldn't be averse to beating Lauren with a stick, actually._

The rest of the evening passed in a similar manner, we ate in a local seafood restaurant, which Renee clearly frequented. The owner was delighted to meet me and Edward, and he joined us after dinner, telling us stories of what my Mother had been up to since she moved to Jacksonville. I wasn't surprised to hear that she had joined every club in town, and was already popular locally.

It was a happy evening, I was glad to find that my Mom lived a contented life with Phil, and hearing about her life now made me feel less guilty about staying in Forks.

We finally fell into bed late, my Mother seemingly able to chatter all night if given the opportunity. I'd forgotten quite how tiring she could be, and when I finally shut our bedroom door I was glad of the quiet.

By the time I slipped between the sheets Edward was already there. I curled up into his chest as usual, and sighed.

"Your Mom's nice," he said, as I felt him kiss the top of my head softly, and I snuggled in closer.

"She is… she's also a bit tiring."

"Yeah." He chuckled softly, and I remembered that Edward had been on the receiving end of most of her chatter tonight.

"I told you that you'd charm her in no time."

"Did I?" He slurred, sounding sleepy in the dark.

"Yeah. I think she likes you better than me now."

"Good. Maybe she won't complain when I ask you to marry me then," he mumbled, and I was immediately wide awake again.

"What?"

I waited, but all I was met with was a gentle snore.

It took me a while to fall asleep that night. My mind was racing, and I felt sticky and uncomfortable, not used to the heat at night anymore.

Despite Edward's efforts to change his outlook, some things were obviously just too deeply ingrained, and it was clear which way his mind was headed. He had mentioned marriage several times in passing now, and I knew that a hundred years ago it would have been perfectly expected for us to marry, and soon.

But I had been brought up the product of a failed marriage, my mother taking every opportunity to discourage me from making the same mistake. My first reaction to the very idea was a big no, _but_…

_I just hope he knows better than to ask me._

Because I didn't want to have to turn him down… Because I didn't know _what_ I wanted. I had been eager to spend eternity with him; one lifetime didn't even seem like enough now.

I finally fell asleep, not sure if I was nervous, excited, or just too damn hot.

**A/N – First! Thank you so much for all of your reviews, I truly appreciate every one of them, and they genuinely spur me on to write faster!**

**Even if you don't review though, thank you for taking time to read my little story, I hope you're enjoying Human Edward as much as I am ;).**

**In case you haven't found it yet, I posted an outtake sometime over Christmas (I was quite drunk, otherwise I probably wouldn't have – lol!), which covers what would have happened had Emmett not interrupted in the last chapter. There are likely to be more outtakes along the way, either things that just didn't happen, or different POVs, and these will all appear on the Waking Up Outtakes story too. Please don't expect any plot from the first o/t though…**

**Apologies this took a little longer than planned, ironically enough I have been busy writing… this very story, just a little further into the future. You'll thank me when the time comes!**

**Anyway, I hope to get back to more regular updates now we're through the festive season, I had forgotten quite how many friends and relatives I have to visit over Christmas, all distracting me from fanfiction!**

**Rec wise, this week I have been particularly enjoying Clipped Wings and Inked Armour – if you like Edward messed up, that's the place to go! (It's in my favourites).**

**Til we meet again.**

**Ria**


	15. Mothers & Daughters

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight!

Thanks as ever go to my always speedy beta Venomaddict, and also to Daniwrites for the Jacksonville low down for this chapter.

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**Bella **

I had a dreadful night. The city was too hot. I didn't remember nights in Phoenix ever being so bad, though I'm sure they must have been. But it wasn't so much the heat as the humidity, by six this morning I'd had to get up and shower, feeling absolutely disgusting.

To top it off, the one time I'd managed to fall into a deep sleep Edward had woken up crying and shaking not long after. This time he had actually woken up, and we talked for nearly an hour before we went back to sleep. I'd gotten the impression that he'd been in no hurry to return to his dream, and I didn't blame him.

Which is why, at seven in the morning on the first day proper of my vacation, I was sitting alone on the patio pretending to read my Mother's copy of Jane Eyre.

I say pretending, because in fact my mind was a long way from Thornfield, instead dwelling on the beautiful man I had left sleeping in my bed, and the last words he had said to me as he fell asleep last night.

'_When I ask you to marry me...'_

Not if, when. _When!_

_Bella Cullen… Isabella Cullen… Bella Cullen-Swan… Bella Swan-Cullen…_

_Hmmm…_

Renee was not an early riser, so I didn't expect to see her or Phil for hours yet, and when I'd left Edward he'd been dead to the world, so I was surprised when I heard the back door open behind me.

"There you are love. I woke up and you were gone." I turned around to find a distinctly sleepy looking Edward, running his hands through his impossibly untidy hair.

He was still only wearing the pale blue boxer shorts he'd slept in, giving me the chance to admire his muscular chest in the early morning light. I noticed faint tan lines on his arms, and realised that he'd somehow managed to pick up a very slight tan over the last week, in Forks.

_How in the hell did he do that?_

He ran his hands over his face, trying to wake himself up, and the faint scratching sound from his fresh day's worth of stubble made me want to run my own hands over it instead.

Alice had turned up on Thursday morning with an electric razor, and a knowing smile for Edward. He had gone from adorable scruff to vaguely beardy since Saturday, and I could tell that it had been irritating him. I was sure the habit he seemed to have developed of incessantly rubbing his face was actually paranoia about whether he had any food in his beard.

He walked towards me, and my eyes couldn't help but trail up and down his body as he did, admiring the muscles in his legs as he walked, and his abs flexing as he sat down on the end of the lounger I'd curled up on to read.

_How long until we can leave for the Keys again?_

I didn't know what Edward had planned for our break alone. I had seen lots of paperwork with various details on it, but I'd not been allowed close enough to read it. But I knew what I was planning on, so I hoped he hadn't filled our schedule too tightly…

I finally dragged my eyes up to meet his, and found him giving me an almost embarrassed smile, peering up at me through his eyelashes as he hunched over slightly, resting his arms on his knees.

"I'm sorry." I chuckled, embarrassed at my ogling. "But what do you expect, wandering around the place in your underwear? Just be glad Renee's not up yet._ That_ could get scary." I rolled my eyes, remembering my Mother's change of heart towards Edward the night before. I could virtually hear Simon and Garfunkel playing in the background as she chatted and giggled with him, long after we had wanted to go to bed.

"Er, yeah… I might go and get dressed in a minute." He turned and peered into the kitchen, obviously checking his route was still open for a clean getaway.

"You'll be ok; she won't be up for a couple of hours yet." I shifted my legs and reached for him, so he slid up the lounger and rested his head on my stomach, his chest positioned between my legs and his arms wrapped around my waist.

I could see he was still tired, and I began to run my fingers through his hair as we spoke. "So… another nightmare last night. Do you remember it?"

"Sort of." His arms tightened around my stomach as his eyes closed, I could sense the stress it caused him to talk about this, but something made me think he probably needed to. "Last night I dreamt of my Mother."

I started a little in surprise; I'd been expecting him to tell me about more dreams of vampires, so his Mother was the farthest thing from my mind.

He felt me jump, and continued to speak. "I didn't remember my Mother at all before. You lose most of your human memories with the change, and then what remains fades as time passes. But last night I dreamt of her. I wonder if it was because we spent the evening with your Mom."

"Maybe. Surely that's a good thing though. It must be nice to be able to remember her."

He looked up at me again through his lashes. "Yes. Yes it is." He pursed his lips and rested his head against me again, looking thoughtful.

We lay together a while, enjoying the relative coolness of the early morning air. I continued trying to straighten out his hair softly, and wondered why a dream about his Mother would cause him so much distress, but I never asked him. I guessed when he wanted to tell me he would.

Eventually the sun rose a little higher, and I sent Edward in to dress before my Mother actually did come downstairs. Meanwhile, I decided to make breakfast, and was beating pancake mix when Renee finally made an appearance.

"Good morning honey. What's cooking?" It was as if the last eight months hadn't happened; she wasn't surprised in the slightest that I was making her breakfast.

"Pancakes. I was up early."

"Mmmm, yummy… Talking of yummy… where's Edward?"

"Mom! Christ!" I shrieked. My hand beating the batter began to move faster, as I tried to decide if I was annoyed or pleased that Renee had taken such a liking to Edward. "He's getting dressed. He should be down in a minute, so…. Shhh!"

She giggled at me, and I couldn't help but join her. After a couple of minutes her expression changed into curiosity. "Was it him I heard in the night?"

"He did wake up; I'd be surprised if you heard him though."

"It's a modern house honey, the walls are like tissue paper." She rolled her eyes, and my mind cast back to yesterday afternoon for a second with alarm.

"Does that happen every night?" She asked, catching my eye again.

"It's only recent Mom, he'll get over it I'm sure."

"What's he dreaming about?" I should have known that curiosity would get the better of her.

"It's really not something I can talk about Mom. It's about when he was younger." I turned and began to focus on breakfast again, hoping she would let the matter drop.

"Was he abused as a child? Is that why he was adopted?" I turned to her in surprise, wondering where this idea had come from.

"What?"

"I only ask as I was watching a program that said children who are abused often grow into abusers themselves. I was worried for you honey, really."

I spluttered for a second; veering between furious with her for suggesting something like that, and, upset that she sounded so callous as she spoke, almost seeming to suggest that Edward's issues should be a reason for me not to be with him.

"It's nothing like that Mom, his parents died when he was a lot younger, but he had a happy childhood before then." I turned my back on her as I began to heat the pan on the hob, "I don't want to talk about this anymore."

"Ok." I heard her walk over to the table and take a seat, before she carried on as if nothing had happened. "I thought we could go to the beach today; there's a pier, and lots of shops to look around."

"That sounds nice." I said mechanically, not wanting to fight with my Mom. But anger was still causing a pounding in my head that wanted me to let her have it with both barrels. I had become remarkably protective of Edward over the last week, and her dismissive attitude of his pain had pissed me off.

"Then I'm going to cook tonight, I bought some cheese in the market the other day which I thought I'd try and do something with. It's Greek."

"That sounds nice." I couldn't think of a different platitude, so I stuck with the one that I had managed before.

I suddenly felt a firm hand begin to rub circles into the base of my back. I leant back into him and let out a deep breath I hadn't realised I'd been holding, as he leant into me and whispered in my ear.

"Two more days. Don't worry about it." He kissed my neck softly and pulled away, as Renee looked up from the magazine she was flicking through and spotted him.

"Edward! Did you sleep well honey?" She got up from her chair and walked towards us, leaning on the counter next to where we were standing, Edward's hand kept rubbing circles into the small of my back.

"Yes very well Renee, thank you. It's a lot hotter than I'm used to though; I was awake early, so no late night for me tonight." He smiled, and I caught his eye and saw a twinkle that I knew was just for me.

"I was just saying to Bella, we should go to the beach today and take a look around, there's a lot to do down there, plus you two should take the chance to soak up some sun." She was smiling brightly at him, but there was something else in her eyes that I wasn't sure I liked.

"That sounds great Renee. I heard they have live music playing down there most days too." Edward switched on the charm again, and I relaxed as he chatted to Renee while I finished making breakfast. Phil arrived a few minutes later, and we ate together before heading out towards the coast.

Edward insisted on taking his toy for the week, of course, and I must admit, I think I enjoyed it nearly as much as he did. The way he threw his head back and laughed as we roared away from every set of traffic lights was infectious, and the fact that the smile never left his face for the entire trip meant I couldn't help but have fun too. He looked fantastic in sunglasses, with the wind whipping through his bronze hair. I however felt like I'd been dragged through a hedge backwards by the time we made it to the beach. I made a mental note to put my hair up for the rest of our vacation, for as long as the top stayed down on the car anyway.

We followed Phil and Renee to the beach, ignoring the tourist signs and parking in a tiny little parking area behind some shops. We spent the morning looking around the shops along the beach front, and somehow by lunchtime Edward was weighed down with bags. I realised that Alice would have been proud of me as he walked along beside me, my Mother being the only person I actually allowed to bully me into shopping without complaint.

I had topped up my holiday wardrobe, knowing that I wouldn't get the chance to wear anything I was buying once we returned home, but deciding that some things were a necessity for our trip to the keys. I was still wearing the same shorts I'd changed into on our arrival yesterday. I didn't even own a bikini. I didn't think that the one Alice had bought me before we went away counted, seeing as there was so little of it I was unlikely to ever wear it.

Edward also bought various touristy things; I was sure more to amuse Renee than anything else. I was very interested to know what he planned to do with the large stuffed alligator's head that was weighing him down on one side now; I vaguely wondered if he'd bought it for Emmett.

We had lunch in a restaurant called Free Bird near the beach. It was owned by the lead singer's wife from Lynard Skynard, and when we got there a live band was already playing. The food was great, and I chuckled when Edward ordered enough for two from the menu, though I wasn't really surprised when he ate every single bite. I was getting used to feeding a teenage boy. Renee seemed surprised that Edward had even heard of Lynard Skynard, claiming to have been too young to even remember them herself really, but Edward was very impressed by the restaurant's background, and spent the meal fruitlessly looking out for members of the band.

Afterwards Renee wanted me to go to the beach and 'try out my new bikini', but by then I really wanted a little time away from her to regroup.

"I think Edward and I had better drop all this shopping back at the car Mom, plus I'd like to take a look around a bit more if you don't mind." Renee pouted, but nodded.

"Ok sweetie, we'll go and set up on the beach just before you reach the pier, come and find us when you're done."

Edward and I walked back to the car. I took some of the shopping from him, despite his complaints, as he looked unbearably hot walking along carrying so much. He still wore a bright smile; he was so beautiful it was almost painful to look at him. But on the way to the car I caught a lot of women looking, and I was shocked by the wave of possessiveness that made me walk a little closer to him, unable to hold his hand due to the excessive shopping we were carrying.

"You know, I've never seen you actually let someone spend money on you without complaining before." Edward seemed to be oblivious to the glances he was getting as we walked along 1st street, his eyes never leaving me as we walked along. "I liked it."

"Well, she is my Mother." I shrugged. "It makes her happy, and I needed some things down here, most of my clothes these days are wet weather gear."

As we loaded up the boot of the car with our shopping, I was amused when I noticed that it was actually getting more looks than Edward. I ran my eyes up and down it, observing that it was very beautiful as cars went, but I still couldn't understand why anyone would rent such an old one when we could have had a new one for a much lower price. I glanced up when I heard someone approach us from behind.

"_Dude_. Nice wheels!" A man who looked to be in his mid twenties was standing staring at the car with a similar glazed look to the one Edward wore when we picked it up. "What year?"

"1965." Edward turned to the man and smiled. "It's one of the first fastbacks."

The man whistled admiringly, and I zoned out for a few minutes as he and Edward chatted, rattling off words like 'horsepower' and 'GT model'. By the time they finished Edward was grinning ear to ear, and although I hadn't listened to what they had been talking about, I had enjoyed simply watching him smile.

Afterwards we returned to the beach, and found a jazz band playing in a huge amphitheatre at the beginning of the board walk. We sat down on a patch of grass along with some others and listened for a while, with me sitting in Edward's lap, leaning back on his chest. The band seemed to be just jamming, or maybe rehearsing, but they appeared to be happy to have an audience, and as we listened more and more people sat down.

The music was great, but more than anything I needed the time away from Renee. I hadn't spent a lot of time with her for a while, and I couldn't remember if she had always been quite so… irritating.

After the music had finished, Edward leant down and began to trail soft kisses up and down my neck, ignoring the people milling past us as we sat. I leaned away from him slightly, lengthening my neck and urging him on, and gave a little sigh of pleasure.

"So… are you ready to return to your Mother yet?" Edward's warm breath tickled my skin as he spoke, making me nuzzle slightly closer to him again.

"Do we have to?" I finally groaned and pulled away from him, turning to look as he dazzled me with his crooked smile.

"Well, the purpose of visiting your Mother is somewhat defeated by avoiding her the entire time we're here."

"I know." I closed my eyes and leant back against him for a moment. "But she's driving me crazy."

He didn't say anything, returning to the gentle kisses he had been scattering across my throat, until with a sigh I pulled away from him and stood up.

"Ok… let's go and find them."

Edward wordlessly stood up beside me, and put his arm around my waist as we made our way down a little wooden walkway, in the direction Renee had headed in earlier.

"I'm sorry about what she was saying earlier." I was sure Edward had heard our conversation in the kitchen this morning, and I didn't like what Renee had been saying.

"It's ok; she's just worried about you." For the first time all day the smile left his face, and I kicked myself for bringing it up.

"No, she's just trying to find reasons why I shouldn't want to be with you." I scowled down at the floor for a moment, but when I looked up again his dazzling smile was back.

"As long as you know that, I don't care what she thinks." He suddenly changed direction, and dragged me towards the railings overlooking the sand.

We stopped moving, and immediately Edward pulled me towards him, his mouth reaching down for mine. We kissed softly at first, but then more firmly, his tongue pressing into my mouth urgently as our bodies drew tightly together. We pulled apart as I felt the first stirrings of his arousal, and I looked up into his eyes to find him staring down at me intensely.

"I'm sorry… I just had to…" He shook his head gently, before he leant down and kissed me again, softly this time. My hands wandered into his hair as he cupped my face in his hands.

"I'm so in love with you." He whispered as he leant his forehead against mine, his eyes betraying an insecurity that shocked me. My heart ached as I looked at him, I loved him so much, I couldn't find the words for a moment.

"I love you too Edward… so much. Don't worry, there's nothing she can say that'll change that." I leant up and kissed him softly on the mouth this time. He closed his eyes and smiled under my lips as I did.

I pulled away and looked up at him for a second, wondering how to explain my irritation with Renee.

"She's just… she doesn't seem to get that I'm not her." I muttered as I leant my head on his chest, breathing in his scent as I wrapped my arms around him. He smelled warm, and sweet, and of _Edward, _and I gulped in soothing lung-fulls of him as he rested his chin on the top of my head and wound his arms behind my back.

"As long as _you _remember that you're not her, then you'll be fine. You really are nothing alike Bella, and I mean that as a compliment to you." He huffed slightly, and I felt tension in his chest beneath me. "But… she is your Mother, and you'll feel bad later if you don't make the most of seeing her this weekend."

He was right of course, and we continued down towards the beach until we found her and Phil sunbathing on two large towels. By then it was really too late for us to bother to change, so we walked along the beach, paddling in the surf and watching the people fishing on the pier, until Renee declared that it was time to go home for dinner.

I was relieved that we had brought the two cars, as it allowed us to have a relaxed journey back again. Edward's enjoyment of his car undimmed, it seemed, by anything else going on today.

Later, I chatted with Renee as she cooked our evening meal, trying not to pay attention to what she was doing, as I knew from experience that it would only be harder to eat what she was preparing if I knew what was in it.

I couldn't avoid noticing though, that the stuffed peppers she was making contained _a lot _of chilies, mixed with large lumps of what looked like Feta cheese to me. Though by the time she had mashed it into the grey chili filled mince mixture it was difficult to tell.

Edward was talking to Phil outside on the patio while Renee cooked, and I ensured that I steered our conversation away from any topic involving him. We talked about college mainly, and I realised that I would need to start applying as soon as we went back to school. I hadn't really thought about what I wanted to do at all, as up until recently I had been hoping to convince Edward to change me into a vampire, so college hadn't seemed important.

I wondered if _he'd_ thought about it.

_Of course he's thought about it. _

I supposed that there was one thing that hadn't changed; my college applications would be made after I knew what Edward's plans were.

Once dinner was ready, Renee and I took it outside to Edward and Phil. They were sitting at the table and chairs on the raised patio, directly outside of the kitchen door. Half a dozen steps fell away from us on the other side of the patio, leading to a lawn, surrounded by shrubs and flowers.

The evening was warm and muggy, but it was pleasant to sit outside in the fading light, despite the lack of air-conditioning.

Phil poured a glass of wine for all four of us, which I looked at questioningly before both he and Renee picked up their glasses and raised them to us. Edward and I exchanged looks for a second, before we did the same.

"Here's to senior year Sweetie." Renee clinked her glass against mine and Edward's in turn, followed by Phil's. "Let's hope it leads you both to wonderful things."

"Thanks Mom." I took a sip of my wine, but I observed with amusement as Edward sniffed his, before putting it down with a slightly wrinkled nose.

"Edward, have you considered where you would like to go for college yet?" Renee continued with our conversation from in the kitchen, and I looked up at Edward, who was sitting opposite me, in interest.

"I have a little, I was thinking of following my father into a career in Medicine." He was looking at me as he spoke, and I smiled back, having known perfectly well that this was what he'd say.

"Have you any idea of which college you'd like to go to?" Renee pressed further.

"No, I haven't really considered it yet."

"Edward's GPA is high enough that he'll be able to take his pick." I said, but Edward frowned at me slightly as he lifted a forkful of food into his mouth.

Suddenly a look of abject horror crossed his face, before he swallowed, and then quickly began to cough. He grabbed the glass of wine in front of him and gulped it down, his cheeks turning a deep shade of pink as he did.

I glanced down at the fork halfway between my plate and my mouth, and put it down, before picking up a glass and filling it with water from the jug on the table and thrusting it towards Edward. He nodded his thanks before he gulped that down quickly as well.

Phil had watched as we did all of this, and I noticed that his fork had been put back down on his plate as well.

"So what time are you two heading off tomorrow Bella?" Phil said, clearly trying to distract Renee from the fact that nobody was eating.

"Tomorrow's Saturday." I looked between Renee and Phil, puzzled for a second. "We're here until Sunday."

"Oh." Phil glanced at Renee, who was eating her stuffed pepper without any hesitation. "I have a game in New York this weekend, your Mom and I have tickets to leave tomorrow afternoon."

I glared at my Mother beside me in irritation. "You told me you were going on Sunday."

"Did I sweetie?" She ate another mouthful of food casually, not seeming to notice my tone, before she continued, "I said he had a game this weekend, I thought you'd realize we'd have to leave on Saturday." She glanced up at me and smiled, before she carried on eating again.

"No." I paused, trying to steady my voice. "You definitely said Sunday. Our place in the keys isn't available until Sunday afternoon."

"It's ok Bella, we'll get a hotel room for tomorrow night, it's not a problem." Edward sounded almost relieved, and, I had to admit that part of me was rejoicing that we could start our vacation early.

_But really, that's not the point!_

"See honey, no problem." Renee smiled inanely at Edward, and all of my irritation left me suddenly.

_Because this is who she is. _

I suddenly realised that no, I was nothing like my Mother, who was childish to the point of being selfish, and really had virtually no sense at all. No wonder her marriage had failed. No wonder I had grown up to be practically her carer, she had taken me away from the only real parent I had while I was still a baby. And no wonder she wanted me to live in fear of making her mistakes, because she was still making them every fucking day. She _still_ hadn't grown up, even now.

_But, I'm not her._

I looked up at Edward and smiled, and he smiled back.

"You're right Mom. No problem."

**Edward**

When dinner was over Phil cornered me, absolutely insisting that Bella and I should stay in the house on Saturday night. I had been quite happy to find a hotel for the night, but he had seemed rather embarrassed by the confusion that had been no fault of his own, so in the end I agreed that we would stay, locking up before we left on Sunday morning.

Renee had been delighted by this idea, of course, and immediately gave Bella a spare key to the house, saying that she should have one anyway now she considered Jacksonville home as well. In her usually overly simplistic thoughts, Renee seemed to think that by giving her a key; Bella would suddenly be much more open to living in Jacksonville, as if it would make it feel more like home to her.

I had to bite back a bitter snort at that thought. We had barely been in the house for one day and Bella seemed to be growing increasingly frustrated with her Mother. Renee's childlike simplicity was endearing in small doses, but after more than a couple of hours it began to grate intolerably. She seemed to use her manner to be rude, while expecting people to just accept it as 'Renee being Renee'.

When I made the effort to listen to her thoughts, I found Renee's mind to be difficult to follow, bouncing from one thought to another, with little rhyme or reason to many of them. The one overriding thought that made my blood boil however, was her sincere belief that Bella and I were far too serious, and her desire to push us apart. She believed that Bella was on the verge of repeating what she viewed as her own mistakes, and was determined not to allow that to happen.

I had felt a powerful wave of sadness at Renee's attitude to Bella, for, although she clearly loved her very much, there was deep rooted resentment in the back of her mind for her youth which she viewed as having been stolen by having a child so young. The thought of Bella never existing was too much for me to bear, so when her mind wandered along those lines I had to leave her thoughts, to maintain control over my urge to tell Renee exactly what I thought of her.

By late on Thursday evening she had already decided to telephone Charlie to convince him to remove me from his house, and I believed that that was what had led to my worst nightmare that night. Although I had dreamt of my Mother as well, that had been a pleasant if melancholy dream. The nightmare which had woken me in tears in Bella's arms, again, was of a huge open expanse of nothingness, with me alone, searching for something that I couldn't even remember what it was.

By Friday morning my mind was made up, I would take any opportunity I could to separate Bella from her Mother today, for my own sake as well as hers.

Renee's treatment of Bella almost verged on bullying, and I was biting my tongue so hard at times not to intervene that I drew blood. I had gone back and forth in my mind over the rights and wrongs of simply telling Renee that her behavior was unacceptable, but I had finally concluded that I had to let Bella fight her own battles. She would be unlikely to thank me for falling out with her Mother, after all, she seemed so delighted at how Charlie and I were getting along, and I wanted that to be true of Renee as well.

So I remained tight lipped, playing the charming, easy going boyfriend to perfection, and Bella was right, both Renee and Phil seemed to like me much more than they had previously by the end of Thursday night.

But just because I was not falling out with her, didn't mean I was allowing Renee to have any undue influence over Bella. I had discovered to my detriment on Thursday afternoon what would happen if I left the two of them alone together for any period of time. In a short conversation lasting no more than a minute or two, Renee had cast doubts on me, and my feelings for Bella. And no matter how much she denied it, I knew that Bella couldn't help but be affected by something her own Mother had said to her.

I had been furious, to say the least, but I was proud of myself that I had managed to override my initial urge to yell at Renee, instead focusing on reassuring Bella.

But that wasn't the only time she actually _said _something that insinuated that Bella and I should not expect to be together for long. Throughout our shopping trip on Friday Renee had berated Bella for not dressing nicely, or making an effort, _because no one would ever notice her if she didn't._

_As if no one would ever notice my beautiful angel!_

I practically exploded on the spot, although Bella didn't even react. I used it as an opportunity to practice my self control again, but it didn't make my heart ache any less for my girl.

As comments like that continued throughout the morning I watched as Bella seemed to curl into herself, her self confidence, which had seemed to be growing exponentially recently, shriveling before me.

But what upset me most was the distance she seemed to be putting between us, and I listened helplessly as her Mother tried as hard as she could to hammer in a wedge to divide us. I wondered at first if Renee was goading me into berating her, to further push Bella and I apart, but after a while I dismissed that idea as giving her too much credit.

Inside I felt almost hysterical by the time we left Renee to go back to the car, deciding that this seemed like the perfect opportunity to give both Bella and myself a break from the appalling woman. I delighted in seeing Bella blossom again as we listened to Jazz at the Sea Walk Pavilion, like a rose captured in fast-motion, but my own fears had begun to eat away at me.

_What if the seed of doubt Renee has planted takes root?_

Not sure how to voice my fears, they came out as a burning kiss on our way back to our tormentor.

So it was all I could do to not cheer when it turned out that we would have one less day in Renee's presence than we had expected. I had honestly thought that Bella was about to seriously lose her temper with Renee at first, but suddenly her expression cleared, and she smiled at me.

I wasn't sure what the smile meant; only that it was something good.

Not long after _not_ eating the monstrosity that Renee had dared to call dinner, Bella and I excused ourselves and headed for bed, both claiming to be tired after a sleepless night the night before. I caught a meaningful look from Renee when Bella had said that, but I ignored it, honestly just looking forward to putting two and a half thousand miles back between my love and her intolerable mother.

"Are you still hungry?" Bella was leaning back on our bed, still fully dressed as we hid in the room, pretending to go to bed.

"I am, but I'm not sure how long it's going to take my mouth to get over the offence it took to dinner this evening. I believe my tongue may be suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder." I grinned at Bella, and she dissolved into a fit of giggles, rocking the bed as I lay down beside her.

"Was it that terrible? I didn't dare taste it after the look on your face when you did!"

"I have no idea what it tasted like; it was too busy burning my taste buds off of my tongue for me to notice." I didn't usually like to be rude behind people's backs, but I decided that Renee deserved it after the last couple of days.

Bella continued to giggle for a moment, before she rolled over and leant on top of my chest and gazed at me seductively through half lidded eyes. My cock immediately twitched in my pants, and my hands moved to her butt, completely without my say so.

_Ah, losing control of my motor functions again…_

"I have a _very _naughty idea Edward." Bella whispered in a sexy as hell voice I'd never heard before. "Do you think you're up for it?"

_Yes, Yes and YES!!!!_

I felt myself begin to harden, and I knew that any second Bella would be able to feel me against her hip. For an instant I wondered if taking her in her Mother's house would be rude, before I decided that I really didn't care if it was.

"I'm up for anything with you Bella." I tried to match her seductive tone as I leaned in towards her, my eyes zeroed in on her plump pink lips, before she suddenly leapt off of the bed and headed towards the window.

"Good. Then let's go out and get a cheeseburger, I'm starving. But we're going to have to sneak out of the window, as I don't think I can face going downstairs and seeing Renee again."

For an instant my body protested, before I realised that I was also pretty hungry, and joined Bella at the window.

We sneaked out that night, and had the best damned cheeseburger I ever ate. The first cheeseburger as well admittedly, but I was fairly certain it would never be surpassed.

The Bella I had seen appear over the last day and a half was gone, and the seductive, happy, confident Bella who had been beginning to emerge was back in earnest. She had known perfectly well what she had been doing to me on the bed, and as she climbed out of the window ahead of me, she leant back and squeezed me cheekily through my pants, meaning I had to climb down a ten foot tall trellis with a throbbing hard-on.

_She'll be paying for that one._

**Bella**

On Saturday morning I made no effort to get out of bed early. In fact, I deliberately slept in, only waking finally when the soft and affectionate stroking along my spine that I had been so enjoying in my doze turned into tickling.

"Ok, ok, I'm awake." I rolled over to find Edward, smiling a crooked smile and wide awake this time, though still as beautiful as ever in nothing but his boxers.

"I know. You've been pretending to be asleep for ages." He dipped in to kiss me softly on the lips. "It's gone ten; your Mother and Phil have both been up for a while."

I groaned and rolled over again, shoving my face into the pillow to avoid his gaze.

"Avoidance isn't usually your style Bella." I rolled back over to glare at him, though it wasn't him I was annoyed with. "She's leaving in three hours, how much more can she upset you in that time?"

I shook my head, "No, it's not that. I just realised something last night, and I know if I go downstairs I'm going to tell her what it was."

"And that would be a problem because…?" Edward's expression had turned serious, I could tell that Renee had pissed him off too over the last couple of days, and I was sorry that she'd spoiled the first couple of days of our vacation.

"I guess because… I don't know. I don't want to upset her?"

He just shrugged at that, and I frowned, wondering exactly what that meant.

"Don't you think I should try to avoid upsetting my Mother?"

"To be honest… no. She's done nothing but bully you for the last two days Bella, while I've had to stand by and watch, not wanting to interfere." He suddenly looked furious as he continued. "I personally would be absolutely delighted if you gave her a piece of your mind!"

At that moment I heard Renee's voice drifting up the stairs towards us.

"Bella, are you two getting up you sleepyheads? I wanted us to have some girl's time before Phil and I have to leave."

I rolled my eyes as both Edward and I climbed out of bed, not particularly keen on the idea of girl time with my Mother at that moment.

"Do you mind if I go in the shower first Edward? I guess I'd better get this over with." I watched with amusement as he sniffed under each of his armpits in turn.

"Sure, I only need a shave anyway. If I tried to match you shower for shower we'd never get anywhere."

I slipped into the bathroom, undressed and stepped into the shower. A few moments later I almost leapt out of my skin as Edward entered and began to wash and shave in the sink in front of me. The glass in the shower door was frosted, but I had never been so aware of being naked in my life.

I stood under the water, making an effort to appear as if I was washing myself, but in fact I was watching his form move as he got ready.

_I could ask him if he wants to join me._

My heart was pounding almost outside of my chest, but I wasn't nervous. I wanted him. Badly.

I could see through the glass that he was still only wearing his boxers, and I began to breathe harder as I imagined him slipping them down his legs and stepping out of them, leaving him perfectly naked. I felt my nipples harden as I imagined his hands roaming over my body under the stream of hot water, and _my _hands roaming over _his _body.

I stepped back further from the glass, and leant against the cold shower tiles as the water continued to rain down on me. I imagined him pushed up against me as I leant against these very tiles, and a shiver of desire ran through my body. I unconsciously ran my hands over my skin, palming my breasts as I stared at him, trying to make out his face through the frosted glass.

_How does he do this to me, simply by standing there?_

Before I could say anything I saw his head turn, and he headed out of the door back into the bedroom. I could have sworn he was grinning as he left.

I made myself finish my shower as quickly as I could, rubbing frantically at my skin, the burning desire for him still covering every inch of me.

As I got ready, I did everything in a frenzy, from brushing my teeth, to pulling on the new summer dress I had bought yesterday with Renee. By the time I was done, I was feeling pretty much as hot and sweaty as I had _before_ I'd had my shower.

When I stepped out of the bathroom I was confronted by a typically calm Edward. He was dressed in a pair of dark board shorts that just reached his knees, and a tight T shirt with a band logo on it that I wasn't sure that I recognised. I saw that despite his careful unpacking on our arrival on Thursday, both his shorts and T shirt were wrinkled, which, added to his gloriously disheveled bronze hair and flip flops, completed his surfer look.

As my eyes finished trailing up his body to meet his, I realised that he was grinning at me.

He took the three steps towards me that brought his body almost into direct contact with mine, and I shivered again when I felt the heat radiating from him towards me.

"Enjoy your shower love?" His warm breath ran across my face, and when I breathed in I could almost taste him on my tongue.

"Mmm hmm." I mumbled, not trusting myself to speak.

He leaned in even closer, and I felt his breath, hotter now on my neck as he whispered. "You're not the only one who can tease you know."

My eyes bugged out slightly as he took my hand and slowly turned, and led us towards the door.

_Now I'm going to have to face Renee with damp panties!_

The house was quiet when we finally got downstairs; we found Renee and Phil in the garden eating breakfast.

"Morning sleepyheads!" Renee called out over her coffee. "There's coffee in the pot, and there's some bread if you want toast."

I went back inside to make us some breakfast, as Edward sat down to chat to Phil. As I had expected, Renee appeared behind me a few moments later.

"So I assumed you were sleeping, but if you weren't you can tell me you know." She giggled as she spoke, and I couldn't help but smile at her enthusiasm over my sex life.

"We were actually sleeping, we were tired, and we've got a long drive tomorrow to the Keys." I had decided to make some more pancakes for Edward for breakfast, so I started searching out the ingredients.

"Uh huh. So, still no joy from little Edward then?" My eyes widened in shock as I wheeled around to meet her gaze. "Maybe you should try showing him the magazine again."

"Mom, seriously, if you ever refer to Edward's… manhood in any conversation with me ever again I'm going to have to cut my ears off."

"Very Van Gogh of you dear, but I'm pretty sure even he was capable of getting laid." I couldn't believe she was still wearing the same friendly smile as she said that, and for a moment I forgot last night's epiphany.

"Both Edward and I are perfectly capable; we are just choosing not to rush into anything."

"Bella, he's seventeen. If you're not doing it with him, you need to ask yourself who is."

I suddenly saw what she was trying to do, _again, _and I remembered what I had finally understood last night. I would not allow her to cause me to doubt myself, or Edward, just because _she _fucked up her life.

"Edward is not 'doing it', as you put it, with anyone else Mom. He loves me, and I love him, and when we do have sex, it won't _just be sex._" I could feel myself almost shaking with anger, and I made a conscious effort to calm myself down, trying to remember that whatever happened, Renee was still my Mom.

"Bella, you don't know about love, not really, not yet. You need to kiss lots of frogs before you find your prince, you'll regret it if you don't."

"No Mom, what I regret is listening to you for years when you've banged on about this. I'm not you. I love Edward; I don't need to kiss a single frog. Would you really be happier if I'd fucked the entire Forks High School football team over the summer, rather than held hands and gone for long walks with the love of my life?"

"Bella!" She spluttered for a moment, apparently not sure what to reply to first from my last tirade.

"Stop trying to knock what I feel for him, or what he feels for me. It's the most precious thing I have. I love Edward, and if I want to marry him straight out of High School then I will. And you'll stand in the pictures and _smile_!" I was breathing hard as I tried to control my temper, not wanting tears of anger to cloud what I was saying.

"Bella!" Her voice was softer this time, more shocked, and I paused for her to speak. "Do you want to?"

I stopped thinking about my relationship with my mother for a moment, and looked out of the window at Edward. He was looking back towards the house, the concern in his expression made me think he could probably hear our raised voices. I realised that yes, I kind of did want to marry him, which was presumptuous in the extreme, seeing as he'd never even asked me. But that didn't make it any less true. I'd been prepared to give up so much to be with him, in the end marriage almost seemed like an anti-climax.

I quickly squashed those thoughts, resolving not to get so ahead of myself, before I answered her.

"I don't think that's something I want to talk to you about Renee." I turned my back on her, focusing on the pancake batter I had never stopped working on as we argued. "If you don't mind, I'm going to make myself and Edward some breakfast, and then we're going to go out this morning."

I made breakfast quickly, and as soon as we were finished I went to get ready to go out. I'd had enough quality time with my Mother for one trip, and Edward had mentioned yesterday that he wanted to go to The Cummer Museum of Art and Gardens while we were in Jacksonville. This morning seemed like an ideal opportunity.

Edward sat on the bed watching me as I tore my hairbrush through my hair, not caring that I was ripping lumps of hair out of my head as I did it. I was standing in front of the mirror over the dressing table, and I saw him in the glass as he came up behind me and took the brush out of my hand.

He began to brush my hair gently for me, soothing me as he did. I closed my eyes and let the feeling of his hands running through my hair comfort me as I relived the argument with my Mother.

"Make up with her before we go Bella. You'll feel better if you do." Edward continued to brush my hair as he spoke, his gentle hands untangling it from the mess caused by the humidity, without causing me any pain.

"I meant every word of it Edward." I really did.

"I didn't say take it back. Tell her you love her, and that you'll call her when we get back to Forks."

I nodded, knowing that he was right.

And that's exactly what I did before Edward and I left that morning, knowing that Renee and Phil would be gone by the time we returned to the house.

I also hugged Phil goodbye, who looked decidedly apologetic about Renee's behavior. Though I wasn't sure what he had to apologise for, she was no different to how she had been for my whole life. I had just finally understood what was so wrong about that.

As we drove away in Edward's Mustang, I turned and waved to my Mom, knowing that I had at last managed to exorcise some demons that I didn't even know I'd had.

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**A/N – I know I say it every time, but thank you so much for all of your reviews. I love reading them; they keep me writing, even when Bella gets arsey with Renee! I don't get to reply to all of them, but I'm sure you'd rather I wrote a new chapter for you than religiously replied….**

**Outtake alert! There is an outtake from this chapter which will be going onto the outtakes story a little later today. If you want to know how Renee and Charlie's conversation about Edward goes, check it out. **

**I am going to try and stick to a regular Tuesday posting from now on, just so you know. **

**Recommendation wise, this week I found a story called "Living Backwards", which is Twilight meets Peggy Sue got Married (who remembers that film? Kathleen Turner before she looked like a man!). In my favourites if you fancy it.**

**Reviews are love ladies ;)**

**Til next time.**

**Ria**


	16. Changing Key

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight! I do own another book which I have again failed to read for my bookclub this week though…. Hey ho, I'll just have to go and focus on the wine again!

Thanks to venomaddict for Betaing this, and soothing my fevered brow as I wrote it!

Just a little reminder that this story is rated "M" for a reason……

* * *

**Edward**

The museum we visited that morning was in River side, an old part of Jacksonville filled with beautiful historic buildings, set on the bank of a river. It was a beautiful place, with large Oak trees along the side of the river, and it made for an enjoyable escape.

We spent an hour or so looking around the museum, before we went outside to investigate the gardens. Despite the heat we had a wonderful morning, simply walking and laughing, and trying to move on from the less than illustrious start to our vacation.

Bella still seemed to be thinking about her conversation with her Mother that morning, and when I asked her what they had argued about she wouldn't tell me. I tried to relax, hoping that things would go back to normal now that Bella was away from Renee, and gradually she came out of herself again.

By lunchtime she seemed to have gotten over whatever was worrying her, and we had a fun afternoon back at the beach, stopping for lunch on our way there. We walked along the boardwalk for a time, listening to the street musicians who seemed to have come out in earnest for a Saturday afternoon.

The beach was busier than it had been the day before, and we still chose not to spend any time actually sunbathing, for which I was relieved. The idea of Bella in a bikini, on a beach along with thousands of other people, had so many things wrong with it I didn't even know where to start. Anyway, the bungalow I had rented in the Keys had a private beach, so there was really no reason to jostle with the masses for a couple of square feet of sand right now.

Part of me was still keen to start our journey to the Keys that night; it was going to be an eight hour drive, so I wouldn't have minded splitting it up over a couple of days. Plus I had plans that I wanted to get into action for when we were there. I had arranged for flowers and food to be delivered to us on our first night, I intended to wine and dine Bella, wanting to make her feel exactly like what she was; the most special woman in the world.

Left to my own devices on Wednesday, I'd spent hours planning our holiday in fine detail. As well as doing the basics like booking the flights, car and lodgings, I'd organized everything to make the bungalow suitable for our stay. Food from the local delicatessen and grocery store, flowers freshly delivered every day, and some special requests. I had ordered some vintage champagne, to be delivered via the local store, as well as some French bath oils, to add a little luxury to our stay.

And, I will admit, I had planned our first night together there with rigorous detail. Bella and I had agreed without words that we would make love for the first time in the Keys, when we would have the time and the privacy to make it as special as we should. And I couldn't find it in me to regret our decision. All I wanted was her, and I couldn't wait the years it would probably be until I could convince her to marry me, before I could show her that physically. So I planned to do everything I could to make her feel relaxed and loved beforehand, in fact I meant to make it an all day event.

The fact that the bungalow was already ours for the taking only added to my frustration, but I didn't want to alert Bella to the fact that I'd had to book it for a much longer period than we had needed in order to secure it. Bella had so far not become upset by the amount of money I had spent on this trip, something I must confess I had been waiting for. I had found that if I simply stated that things were for my benefit, not hers, she accepted them much more willingly.

But Phil had been so mortified by the mix up over when he and Renee were leaving, I couldn't bring myself to refuse his offer of allowing us to stay the night tonight, even with them in New York.

So, I had resigned myself to another frustrated night lying by Bella's side.

_And another self-induced orgasm in the shower before bed._

The only way I had found I could even vaguely cope with the nights in bed with Bella now, was to indulge in a fair degree of self help. I was beginning to wonder if I had some kind of serious disorder in fact, with the regularity that this was becoming a necessity.

_I wonder how I would explain it if I came down with a severe case of Repetitive Strain Injury? _

_Seriously, there's something wrong with me_

We arrived back at Renee's in the late afternoon, Phil's car was gone, and the house was clearly deserted. The drive back in the Mustang had cleared my head of the last remnants of annoyance over the last couple of days, my beautiful Bella was back to herself, and all was right with the world.

When we got in, we found fifty dollars on the kitchen counter, along with a note. Bella read it aloud to me, as I got us both a Coke out of the fridge.

_**Bella,  
There's not a lot of food left. Here's some money to buy take-out. It was lovely to see you, Sweetie. We'll have to make sure we do it more often.  
Mom**_

"Fifty bucks." Bella turned towards me with a grin, holding the note towards me in both hands, pinched between her forefingers and thumbs. "That'll buy a lot of Chinese food."

I rolled my eyes at her, "Don't be silly Bella, we'll go out, there are plenty of good restaurants in Jacksonville. We have no reason to eat Chinese food out of cardboard boxes."

I felt vaguely irritated at the fact that Renee had left us money for dinner like we were children, but when I thought about it, I realised that it was probably the most considerate thing she had done the entire time we had been here.

"We do; it's good. Anyway, we've got to get up early tomorrow. It wouldn't hurt us to try and get an early night."

"Very well, whatever you prefer." She was right, of course, an eight hour drive wouldn't have bothered me before, but now it did seem like rather a long time to spend behind the wheel in one sitting. "You'll have to order for me though, I have no idea what any of these things even are."

Bella had pulled a Chinese menu out from a drawer and thrust it in my direction, but I passed it straight back to her. A few moments later she put in our order, and we went into the living room to await our food.

"So… are you going to tell me what you have planned for the rest of our holiday?" Bella had pulled me down on the couch next to her, and was now gazing at me imploringly.

"No. I think you'll find that it's what's called a surprise." I grinned at her in the way I knew she liked best, and was extremely satisfied to see a slightly dazed expression cross her features for a moment.

In fact, as well as planning all of the practicalities for our holiday, I had also arranged our schedule to include some other plans. I had arranged for us to go Hookah diving on the Reef, something which I was told was suitable for beginners. I had also planned a trip for us to swim with dolphins at a research centre in the area, which I thought sounded like something that Bella would enjoy. We were also going to be near Key West, and I thought we could visit the Old Town, which had lots of things to choose from to do as well. All in all, I was very pleased with myself, my type written schedule detailing when all of our bookings were made for, and details and directions.

"I hate surprises! Tell me…" She leant in and kissed me softly on the mouth for a moment, pulling away as soon as I responded. A small smirk crossed her lips as I huffed slightly.

"No. You'll just have to wait and see." She scowled at me in the cutest way for a moment, before she got up to put some music on.

Clair de Lune filled the room a few moments later, and I wrapped her in my arms and pulled her into my lap when she returned to the couch.

"This always makes me think of you, you know." I murmured in her ear as the music played.

"It makes me think of you too. You know, I realised today that you haven't had your piano all week." Bella shifted against me as she spoke, leaning her head back against my shoulder so she could look at me out of the corner of her eye.

"I know. I've missed it. But I'm not sure… Things aren't as easy as they used to be. I'm not sure how well I'm going to be able to play now." In truth I was nervous about the first time I was going to sit down in front of a piano. I could hardly walk straight a week ago; the possibility of finding I could no longer play was quite upsetting for me.

"Well… do you want to find out?" I raised an eyebrow in surprise, not having seen a piano in the house.

I ran my hands through my hair a couple of times as I considered the idea, wondering if this was something I wanted an audience for. After I hadn't replied for a moment or two, Bella took the decision out of my hands and got up from the couch.

"Come on." She stretched her hand out towards me, and I hesitated for a second before I took it and stood beside her.

I could feel nerves balling up in my stomach as Bella led me through the house, into a dining room that we hadn't used while Renee and Phil were here, having either eaten in the kitchen or the garden. The piano was such a part of my identity, what made me, _me, _that I wasn't sure who I would be if I couldn't play anymore. Tension appeared in my shoulders as we made our way through the house, and I could feel panic bubbling up from within me. I honestly wasn't sure I wanted to know if I could play anymore or not.

The dining room was quite large, with a small chandelier above the oval oak dining table. There were double doors leading outside, on to another small patio on the opposite side of the room to the entrance, and on my left against the wall there stood a small, old, brown upright piano.

Bella led me towards it, and I took the seat cautiously, as I tested whether or not the ancient looking piano stool would take my weight. The piano itself was clearly very old, and I suspected was left over from a time before Renee was married to Phil.

I lifted the lid, and ran my fingers over the keys, surprised to find that it was in tune. I spent a few minutes playing scales, and was pleased that my fingers still seemed to move over the piano in the same familiar way, even if it did require a little more concentration on my part, than had been the case previously.

I still hesitated to play anything though, not sure if I could handle the disappointment if I was no longer able to make the music I was used to.

To my great relief, as I was still sitting trailing scales up and down the keyboard, the doorbell went, signaling the arrival of our meal.

As Bella stood up to get the door, I dropped the lid back on the piano, more relieved than disappointed that I hadn't got to try actually playing something.

I followed Bella quickly into the hallway to collect our dinner. A few moments later I guided her into the kitchen to eat, preferring not to eat in the dining room and be confronted once more by that small brown piano.

**Bella**

Dinner was a strange affair that evening. I automatically gave Edward the chopsticks that came with our meal, as I always used them with Chinese food; I just thought it was just more fun that way. It didn't occur to me at the time that Edward would never have used them before. He was, safe to say, keen to learn, but was not being terribly successful.

We sat at the breakfast bar in the kitchen to eat, facing each other across the black granite worktop, perched on bar stools. Edward was scowling as he wrestled with his chopsticks, I was fairly sure he hadn't actually eaten anything at all yet.

"I don't know why you're so surprised." Edward scowled as another King Prawn fell out of his grasp, and into his lap. "I've never had any reason to use chopsticks before. To be honest; The Happy Panda didn't deliver in 1918."

"I just thought you must have come across them at some point is all." I smirked as I ate my noodles quickly, wondering how long he was going to continue to battle with his chopsticks before he gave in and got a fork.

"To do what, pray tell?" He was digging furiously into his box of King Prawn Chow Mein, almost as if he expected the food to stick to his chopsticks if he poked it hard enough with them.

"I don't know. Pick up things." I pursed my lips slightly as he dropped something else in his lap, his expression growing darker. "Why don't you just use a fork?"

"Because I've started using these now, and I don't see why I shouldn't be able to learn to use them."

"Ok." I could tell Edward was becoming determined about this, and so I settled in to eat my own dinner, while he grew more irritated by the second. I had shown him how it was done several times, and I was fairly certain that if I did it again it was just going to annoy him more.

"Ah-ha!" I glanced up to see a large prawn impaled on one of Edward's chopsticks, "Got it!"

The smile on his face as he finally managed to eat one of his prawns stopped me from pointing out that impaling your food with one chopstick, is not the customary way to do it…

Eventually we finished dinner, and after spending several minutes clearing the kitchen floor of the debris, we shifted back into the living room.

I had seen the mixed emotions on Edward's face earlier as he fiddled with the piano, and I had spent most of dinner wondering how to get him back in front of it, and more to the point, get him to actually play it.

At first when he sat down, he had looked apprehensive, taking several minutes to do any more than simply press one key at a time. But gradually he had relaxed, beginning to play two or three notes together at first, then moving on to scales. As he had begun to play them, running his fingers expertly up and down the keyboard, his shoulders had relaxed, and his expression became one of calm contentment that I recognised from when he had played before.

Slowly his expression changed though, and I realised that he had still made no attempt to play any kind of melody, sticking strictly to scales. The tension in his shoulders returned, and I realised that he was worried about whether or not he would still be able to play. His face fell slowly, and I was wondering what to say to him about it, when our takeout arrived.

Edward sat down on the couch, reaching out for me to follow him, but I stayed in the doorway to the living room, trying to decide the right way to play this.

"I'm not sitting down Edward. Do you want to come and try the piano again?" I said, as he stiffened in his seat, scowling slightly before he replied.

"Not tonight, maybe tomorrow morning. I'm not really in the mood." His expression told me that he didn't want to talk about this, but the way his hands had moved on the piano made me certain that if he would just try, he would be fine.

I didn't say anything, but I turned around and headed into the dining room alone. I sat down in front of the piano myself, and began to try and remember how to play something, anything. Renee had shown me how to play a few tunes as a child, but I had forgotten most of them. I finally remembered the first one she had taught me and began to pick out the tune with the keys.

After one or two minutes, and lots of wrong notes, I managed to successfully play 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star', one handed and quite poorly, but I played it.

As I finished I heard movement from the doorway, and I shifted around to look at where I had known he would be standing by now.

"What do you want from me, Bella?" Edward looked vaguely distressed, and I hoped for a moment I was doing the right thing.

"I want you to play me my lullaby, Edward." I knew that by saying I wanted something from him, he would never be able to deny me, I felt bad for a second at using that against him, but then I reminded myself that it was for his own good.

With a grumble Edward approached the piano, taking my hand and helping me from the stool I was perched on. "You will be the death of me, woman." He muttered as he sat down, and crashed his hands down onto the keyboard, playing a loud, and perfect, chord of complaint.

"Please." I smiled as he looked up at me, and I saw it in his eyes the moment he gave in. I rested my hands on his shoulders and leant my chest against his back, as he began to play.

His hands moved across the keyboard uncertainly at first, but he quickly gained confidence as my lullaby began to softly play out. The melody was the same, though the way he played it was slightly less complex than it had been previously. But it was still my lullaby, and it was beautiful. As it drew to a close I leant closer to him, and rested my head on his, I was surprised to find tears in my eyes, and as I blinked them away Edward turned to look at me.

"Thank you Bella." He looked close to tears himself, and I leant down and kissed him, our lips moving softly together as I felt his joy pouring out of him.

"My pleasure." I whispered against his lips as we both pulled away. "Play me something else."

I went to move away from him, but he wrapped an arm behind himself, holding me tightly against his back.

"Stay, please. I like the warmth." The fact that it was nearly seventy-seven degrees in the house, even now, made me realize he wasn't talking about the temperature when he said that.

So I stayed, my arms resting on his shoulders and my chest and stomach pressed against his back, as he played to me. Under my arms I felt every movement of his body as he played, sometimes gently, sometimes passionately, but I was there with him for every note.

Finally he played my lullaby again, softly caressing the melody, and I molded my body more tightly around him as he played. This time I did cry as he played me the musical profession of our love, and as soon as he finished I tugged his face around and kissed him again.

"I love you Bella." He stood up from the piano and wrapped me in his arms as he kissed me with more force, pressing his tongue into my mouth as I eagerly kissed him back.

I suddenly realised that we were all alone. No Charlie, no Renee, no Alice.

"Let's go to bed Edward." My voice sounded breathless from kissing, and I saw him almost go to look at his watch before understanding crossed his features.

"Bella…"

I leant up and kissed him again, as I ran my hand down his back and finished on his butt, pushing his hips more firmly towards mine as I did.

"This isn't how I wanted to do this…" His eyes were uncertain as he gazed down at me, but I could feel his body's reaction to mine already against my stomach. "I wanted to give you champagne, and candle light, and roses. I had plans… I wanted it to be magical."

"I don't need any of that Edward." As I spoke his arms tightened around me, and I could see fire in his eyes. "_I just need you_."

The words were hardly out of my mouth before Edward swung me up into his arms. I giggled as he carried me bridal style, hanging on tight as he raced up the stairs.

**Edward**

The tension had been thick in the air between us as I played the piano. I could feel my resolve to wait until we reached the Keys slipping, despite the fact I really wanted to do my best by my Bella. She deserved for our first time together to be perfect, and I had so many plans….

But once she told me that all she needed was me, none of it mattered anymore. I needed her now, and I was going to hold on to her all night.

I scooped her up and carried her upstairs, surprising myself by the fact that I could still run with her in my arms, if I really had to. She giggled as we ran, and the sound of her laughter in that moment was the most beautiful sound I'd ever heard, so free and full of life.

Before we even reached our bedroom, we were kissing, I lowered her feet to the floor on the threshold of the room, and she immediately jumped up and wrapped her arms and legs around my body, as we continued to kiss.

I walked us further into the room and, more out of habit than anything else, kicked the bedroom door shut behind me as I did.

I moved towards the bed and crawled up on top of it, with Bella still wrapped tightly around my body, her lips crushed against my own, as the intensity grew between us. I lay down on top of her and ran my hands over her body recklessly as our tongues moved furiously against each other. My hands moved as if without my say so as I groped her, thrusting my hand under her dress and squeezing her breasts as I ground my throbbing erection against her heat, only thin layers of fabric separating our hungry bodies.

Bella moaned into my mouth, feeding the frenzy that was taking over the both of us. I placed open mouthed kisses across the exposed skin of her neck and chest, allowing the scent of her to pull me down as my deepest desires took over. As I did, she writhed beneath me, gripping my body tightly to hers with her thighs as she thrust her hips towards me to meet my movements.

My lips found her ear and I growled softly in it, as I felt her grind her hips upwards into mine, her arms and legs pulling me hard up against her with surprising force. I sucked her earlobe into my mouth, loving the whimpers I received in response. Before I realized what I was doing, my teeth had found purchase against the tender skin of her neck, and I bit down with enough force to leave a mark.

_Mine._

The thrill I felt from this simple act was mind blowing, but not as much as when I felt her teeth bite down on my own neck, making me cry out her name with desire.

I nipped at the skin across her throat, and then moved down her chest into her cleavage, kissing, biting and licking a heated trail across her body as she ran her fingernails softly up and down my chest.

"_God_… I _want_ _you_ Edward…" Bella moaned in my ear, making me even harder, but also distracting me enough to realize that this wasn't how I wanted this to happen.

I pulled away, lifting myself up onto my elbows above Bella as she groaned at me. We were both gasping to catch our breath, and the movement of our bodies was driving me insane where our limbs were still entangled. I closed my eyes and sought to regain control for a moment, not wanting this to be a furious, hormone fueled, event.

"Bella… wait." I saw a small frown crease her brow, and I stroked it softly with my finger, deliberately using soft slow movements to calm her as well as myself. "Are you sure?"

I saw a flicker of understanding cross her features, and a small smile tweaked at the corners of her mouth. "I've always been sure Edward... Are you?"

"I love you more than my own life Bella. Yes I'm sure." I leant in and kissed her again as I said it, slowly this time, trying to show her how much I loved her through my kiss alone.

I rolled my weight off of her, but our limbs remained entwined as I lay by her side and our kiss deepened. This time I gently pressed my tongue into her mouth, and when I met hers they danced softly together, until we broke apart gasping.

I trailed my lips down her throat to her collarbone, where I sucked on the skin gently, tenderly kissing the angry red mark I had just left on her. My hands moved softly down her body, tracing her side and then her hips and thigh through the thin cotton of her dress. I reached her knee, and I pulled it up over my hip, and she wrapped her leg around me, pulling our bodies closer together.

"Edward…" she moaned softly as her hand slipped under my shirt and began to trace the muscles in my stomach. My body tensed under her hands, so dangerously close to the top of my shorts, and a surge of need ran through me.

Suddenly Bella caught hold of the hem of my shirt and began to drag it upwards, until I reached down and yanked it over my head.

"Mmm…" She moaned into my skin as she leant forward and placed soft kisses across my chest. Her hands immediately moved to my abs, and her fingers trailing over my skin making me groan, the overwhelming need to feel her soft skin against mine was almost unbearable.

"Bella…" I began to tug at her dress, not sure how it came off but needing to feel her skin against mine more and more urgently.

She sat up, and in a moment pulled the dress over her head, revealing a simple pair of pink lacy panties… and nothing else. She tossed the dress over her shoulder, and it fluttered down to the floor on the other side of the bed.

I sat back and took in the sight before me for a moment, she was truly exquisite.

"You're so _beautiful_..." I saw colour tinge her cheeks as I reached for her, and she sighed a warm breath over my face as I touched her breasts. I cupped one in each hand as she lowered herself down next to me again.

I wrapped my arms around her and drew her towards me, pressing heated flesh to heated flesh as our chests rose and fell rapidly with want. We kissed again as our bodies pressed together, the feeling of her hardened nipples dragging against my chest causing me to begin to shift against her body, the urge to grind against her becoming irresistible.

I ran my hands up and down her body, stroking the soft skin of her stomach, before I moved my hands around and ran them over her entirely naked back. I trailed my fingers across her bare flesh from the nape of her neck, down her spine until I reached the hem of her panties.

Both of us were breathing in sharp pants, but I gasped when I suddenly felt her hand press against my erection through my shorts. She squeezed me through the thin material as I groaned and began to rock against the delicious pressure. Her hand shifted up and down my length, rubbing me through my shorts as I continued to rock against her.

_More_

I ran my hand downwards, and cupped her centre through her panties, and I couldn't hold back another moan when I felt the moisture coming through them. I slipped my finger under the hem at her inner thigh, to find warm, wet, heaven waiting for me. I slid my finger inside her gently, until the heat and the tightness was overwhelming. I couldn't help but wonder for a moment how I would cope with actually being inside her, when just having my finger there almost made me come undone.

"Edward… pants." Bella was pushing down on the hem of my shorts, so I pushed myself up off of the bed for a moment and shoved them down to my thighs. Bella lifted her leg up and pushed them down further, until I could kick them off of my feet, leaving us both only in our underwear.

I rolled on top of her and began to kiss her again, our mouths open, devouring each other as we ground our bodies together, the feel of her bare skin against mine causing every inch of me to burn.

She wrapped a leg around my hip and drew me down more firmly on top of her, and I shuddered when I realised I could feel her moisture against my cock through our underwear.

My shaft was aching furiously, and when Bella shifted and reached down and touched me again I couldn't stop myself from crying out as my eyes rolled into the back of my head. I felt her hand move, and suddenly it was inside my boxers. She took me in her grasp and began to stroke me, the feeling of her hand against my bare cock utterly magnificent.

"Bella… Bella, I can't take that for long…" After a moment I pulled her hand away, not wanting things to be over before they had even started, and moved my own hand back to her core, stroking her silky wetness through her panties for a moment.

She closed her eyes and moaned as I touched her, pushing her hips towards my hand as I slipped my fingers underneath her panties again. I found her clit and began to circle it, relishing in the wanton sounds she made as her arousal grew. She began to rock against my hand, as I thrust a finger inside her again, speeding my movements as she held my hand against her with her own. I was surprised when she pulled me away a few seconds later.

"No Edward… _I need you_. I need you right now." Our eyes met, and I saw a burning in hers that made another surge of desire rocket through me.

"God… I need you too Bella." My shaft was throbbing almost painfully, and the urge to thrust myself deep into her heat was undeniable now.

I sat back on my heels before her, and put my hands on each side of her panties. Our eyes met as I silently checked that she still wanted me to do this. She nodded with a small smile, and I eased her panties down to her ankles, my hands trembling as they made the journey down, finally slipping them off and dropping them to the floor.

I stepped off of the bed and took off my boxers, freeing my erection which was already leaking with my desire for her. Without any self consciousness I palmed myself for a moment, easing the ache as Bella's eyes fixed on my cock, her eyes growing round and excited.

She sat up, completely naked, and reached her hands out towards me. "Edward… come to me."

I took her hands in my own, and she pulled me towards her. She reached out and stroked my shaft gently, running her fingers up and down it as she seemed to study it. She touched the glistening liquid bubbling at the tip, and then circled the head with her slick fingers as I hissed and pushed myself further into her hand.

"God… I want you so much Bella." I was doing my best to take things slowly, but my body was urging me on furiously, and I was losing my grip on my self control. I could feel my breathing becoming labored as she touched me, and I needed more.

I leaned down and kissed her as she sat back on the bed, laying down on her back and dragging me down on top of her.

She spread her legs for me as I eased down onto her, and my hips naturally settled between them, my cock searching for her.

I shifted again, until I was at her entrance, my hips already rocking softly, beyond my control.

"Bella… this might hurt." I cringed at the thought of causing her pain, but I knew it was likely to be inevitable.

She ran her hands up into my hair and pulled my ear down closer to her mouth. "It's ok Edward. I want you, my first, my last, my only."

"I love you." I looked deeply into her eyes, and kissed her once as I spoke, our intense connection making it impossible to look away.

"I love you too."

I pushed forward slightly, and as my tip slipped into her tight wet heat I groaned aloud, the blood pounding in my ears almost deafeningly. I never looked away from her eyes, and she nodded gently before I pushed forward harder, not encountering the resistance I had expected.

As I entered her both of our mouths dropped open as we moaned together, our eyes never leaving each others as we gazed at each other in wonder.

_Home_

"Are you ok?" I hadn't moved again, giving her the chance to get used to the invasion, and not sure if I had hurt her. My legs were trembling with the effort it took to not thrust again, my body urging me to pound into her.

"I'm… good. I need you Edward. Make love to me." She began to nip on my earlobe as she whispered to me, and I began to rock my hips gently against hers.

The sensation of being inside her was indescribable, even more so than I had ever expected, and I couldn't resist my body's desire to thrust into her as my desire grew. Her skin against mine was hot and slick, and we slid against each other in a perfect rhythm, Bella rising up to meet every thrust as we moved together

We clung tightly to each other, every inch of skin pressed against the other in our desperate need to be one. Bella had her arms wrapped around my shoulders, and her legs around my thighs, clinging to me, urging me on with every grunt and moan as I filled her.

Our movements gradually became more urgent, and I could feel Bella's body begin to tense under mine. She began to moan beneath me, and I felt the coiling in my own stomach reacting to the lust-filled sounds she was making.

I clung on to my orgasm, certain that she was getting close. I closed my eyes and tensed my shoulders, trying to focus on something else for a moment, hoping to last just a bit longer.

I felt Bella's hands stroking my back, and she wrapped her legs more tightly around my waist, digging her heels into my butt and pulling me tighter against her.

"Let go baby." She whispered into my ear, but I resisted, determined to wait a little longer for her.

"Edward… let go baby… I want you to come for me… come _in_ me…" her words finally broke what little remained of my control, and I cried out as I came deep inside her, my hips thrashing as my entire body shook with pleasure.

I collapsed down on top of her, my breathing ragged, but feeling frustrated with myself that I couldn't hold on for just a few moments longer. I could feel Bella panting beneath me, her hips still rocking gently against mine as she held me tightly against her with her thighs.

"I'm sorry…" I murmured, as I began to rock my own hips to match her, I was still inside her, and I knew from experience that it was possible that I would still be able to make up for my faux pas.

"Don't you dare Edward." She wound her fingers into my hair and dragged my face down to hers, kissing me softly at first, then more deeply as our mouths opened to each other again.

I could feel my desire growing for her again already, and I felt her gasp when she realised it too. We began to move together again, and I could feel her arousal was still burning as we moved.

"Harder Edward." Bella gasped, she was holding me firmly against her body with both her arms and legs, and as I began to thrust harder into her I felt her breathing begin to pick up again.

She met me with every thrust. Our bodies were wet with perspiration, sliding against each other as we moved at a furious pace.

I felt her begin to tighten around my shaft, and I shifted position slightly to allow me to enter her more deeply. She threw her head back and moaned my name when I began to drive into her again, her hips thrashing against mine with desire.

"Oh God… I'm coming… Oh Edward… Edward!" She cried out as I began to feel her clamp down on my cock, the sudden increase in pressure causing me to fall over the edge again at the same time.

I managed a few more haphazard thrusts as she rode out her orgasm, the strength leaving my limbs rapidly though as she milked me, drawing me deeper into her.

When I couldn't hold my own weight on my arms any longer I lowered myself down on top of her. Both of us were gasping for breath as we recovered, but when I looked in her eyes they were dancing. I'm sure mine were too.

"I never knew… God Bella, I never knew… I love you so much." I felt utterly overwhelmed at that moment, complete and home in a way that I hadn't ever known was possible until now.

"Edward… I love you… I love you… My first… my last…. my only." There were tears in her eyes as she punctuated each phrase with a kiss, and I suddenly realised that there were in mine too.

"Bella… My first… my last…. my only." I kissed her then, soft and tender, as despite the fact she wasn't yet my wife, I had pledged myself to her in that moment, and for me there would never be another.

*****

In the end we spent most of the night making love, unable to tear ourselves away from each other, even when exhaustion called us to sleep. So it was not with good humour that either of us welcomed the alarm clock the next morning.

The drive from Jacksonville to the Florida Keys was a long one. I expected about eight hours plus breaks, and if we were to hope to get there at any kind of sensible hour we needed to leave early.

"Urgh, turn it off Edward…" Bella rolled over and buried her head in the pillow, and although my immediate urge was to do the same, I sat up and turned the alarm off.

"We need to get up sleepyhead." I lay down again beside her, and began to kiss the nape of her neck, trying to urge her to join me in the land of the living.

"Mmm... Do we have to get up?" She rolled over, and I was suddenly very aware of her naked body pressed against mine. "We could stay in bed." She trailed her hand down my chest as I tensed, until her fingers stopped very low down on my stomach.

I groaned deeply and tried to lean away from her. "Don't tempt me woman, otherwise we'll still be lying here when your Mother returns this evening."

At the mention of Renee, Bella seemed to tense a little, before she sighed. "Yeah, yeah, ok. Let's get up." She sat up and rubbed her eyes.

My eyes were immediately drawn down to her beautiful pert breasts, which were uncovered as the sheet fell down into her lap as she sat up. I reached for her as if hypnotised, and in an instant my hand was cupping her, my thumb gently circling her nipple.

I tipped my head to one side as I watched her nipple harden under my thumb, and my cock twitched.

_Really?_

_What can I say? I've got ninety years worth of catching up to do._

"Um, Edward?" My eyes snapped up to Bella's, who was smiling a lazy smile down at me. "Were we getting up?"

"I'm up already." Her eyes glanced downwards towards the definite tenting going on under the sheet in my lap, and her smile broadened.

"Well, I guess we should just make sure we're properly awake before we set off on such a long drive." She grinned wickedly at me, and I leapt at her.

We made love again that morning until the time came that we really did have to leave. We dressed hurriedly, but as I went to strip the bed Bella stopped me.

"Leave it, Renee can deal with it." She was smiling wryly, but I felt a degree of embarrassment at leaving Renee to clear up our bed after the activities of last night and this morning.

"Are you sure? I mean, it's kind of obvious what we've been doing…" The sheets were well rumpled and marked from our lovemaking last night, even Renee would guess _exactly _what we had been up to in her absence.

"I'm sure. Leave them Edward." Bella pulled the top sheet down as we walked out of the room, and I realised that she was sending some kind of message to her Mother. Whatever her reasoning, I did not doubt that Renee would be receiving it loud and clear.

The drive to the Keys was long. After four or five hours I had to give in and I let Bella drive for a bit after we had lunch, our exertions last night finally taking their toll on me.

I dozed for an hour as she drove, and when I woke up, I sat and watched her driving for a while in silence, not sure if she had noticed that I was awake or not. Behind the wheel of this magnificent car, Bella was like a wet dream. I realised I should have been allowing her to drive it before, if only so I got the pleasure of watching her do it.

Her hair, which was tied up in a tight bun revealed her elegant neck, with auburn hints that glinted in the sunlight. The way she held her arms as she grasped the large sixties style steering wheel made her look strong and self assured, as well as petite and beautiful. But the most fascinating thing was the gleam in her eye as she clearly reveled in driving this powerful beast of a car. Her usual concern over speeding seemed to be forgotten as we flew along well over the speed limit, and I couldn't help but notice that every now and then she slowed, only to slam her foot down again to enjoy the feeling of the rapid acceleration.

I took over driving again after a couple of hours, aware that Bella was likely to be as tired as me, but not as used to driving more powerful cars, which in itself can be exhausting.

It was dark by the time we reached the long bridge that would take us to our destination. The bungalow I had booked was on Key West, and Bella found the directions out of the glove-box and directed as I drove. As we made our way to our home for the next four nights I saw Bella smile as the Palm trees and tropical sky announced our arrival.

We finally pulled into the driveway at gone half past ten, by which point I knew it would be too late to organize any kind of food delivery until the morning.

"Are you hungry love?" I said. I had pulled into the driveway, but hadn't turned the engine off as I wondered what to do about dinner.

"Not really Edward. I think I can wait until morning to eat." I scowled slightly, but turned off the engine, too tired to really want to go and try to hunt down something this late on a Sunday night.

"Shall we unpack…" I looked at Bella, and I saw something else in her eyes, and I immediately stopped talking.

"No, I don't want to unpack either."

I leant over towards her, until my body loomed over hers. She looked up at me seductively through her eyelashes as I stared down at her. "So what would you like to do Bella?"

"I think… I think it's time for bed. Everything else can wait until the morning."

I nodded, and without a word searched out the key that had been concealed waiting for us, and led Bella inside. Everything else would, indeed, wait until morning.

* * *

**A/N – Have I told you lately how much I love each and every one of your reviews and pms? I have? Well… I'm telling you again. Thank you, it makes my life so much more fun getting all of these lovely emails to my inbox! **

**So… my first lemon. *blushes* This chapter really brought out the Brit in me for some reason… let me know what you thought!**

**Rec wise this week… I'm fed up with angst atm, so I deliberately looked for something cheery in some other people's favourites for a change, and came up with "The Port Angeles Players", which is a completed fic, and lovely and fluffy (and painless). In my favourites too now, if the mood takes you.**

**Til next Tuesday…**

**Ria**


	17. Pancakes

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight!

Thanks go to my lovely, clever and patient beta venomaddict, for continuing to listen to me ramble, dry my tears and tell me off about commas. Please go and check out her sexy little threeshot "Flesh and Blood", for Edward _not_ running away to Alaska after first meeting Bella.

* * *

**Edward**

"_Shit_!" I looked down despondently at the first pancake I had made that morning that actually looked like a pancake, which was now stuck to the terracotta tiles that covered the kitchen floor of our Bungalow.

Ever since our arrival, Bella had taken care of me superbly, making us breakfast in bed every day, as well as organizing pretty much everything else around the house. I knew that it was Bella's way to do this, and that it made her happy to look after us both really, but I just wanted to be allowed to do _something _for _her_. So this morning I had crept out of bed without waking her, and planned to make a special breakfast in bed, just for her. I had thought I'd been paying attention while she made pancakes yesterday. I looked down at the sorry mess I had so far created this morning.

_Obviously not well enough._

I stole out of the kitchen for a moment, and peered into the bedroom to check that I hadn't woken her as I clattered around.

She was still sleeping soundly, curled up on her side with the sheets tangled around her body and her hair spilling over the side of the bed towards the doorway I now stood in. I didn't think there would ever be a more beautiful sight than Bella, naked in our bed. I felt drawn towards her like a magnet, and had to shake myself to make myself walk back to the kitchen to finish our breakfast. When I had originally left her in bed, I had hoped that she would remain asleep until I had mastered the art of cooking pancakes, though I was beginning to realize that that might mean she would need to sleep until lunch.

_But then - I don't think I ever want that woman to get out of bed again anyway._

Not that we had made it very far from bed so far in the last few days. It was Wednesday morning, and since we had arrived on Sunday night, we hadn't left the bungalow.

I arrived back in the kitchen with renewed determination. I rescued my pan from the sink, where I had thrown it in disgust minutes earlier, and put it on the hob to heat again. While I waited for it to be ready, I cleared up some of the mess I'd made so far, and drank my third glass of orange juice of the morning.

As I waited for the pan to heat, I glanced down at my well scheduled and minutely planned itinerary for our week, which had become somewhat of a running joke over the last few days, and was sitting on the work-surface beside me.

_Ah, swimming with dolphins today…_

It had quickly become clear, that what with our food and essentials being delivered to us, there was really no reason or desire for us to leave our little haven for the week. Hell, I hadn't even _put on clothes_ yesterday. That did mean though, that much of the effort I had made last week on planning our vacation was going to waste, as when offered the choice between a day wrapped around my beautiful Bella, and a day of Hookah diving, there was simply no discussion.

At first I had felt bad, and had tried to convince Bella (admittedly somewhat half-heartedly) that we should do some sight-seeing. Part of me felt sorry that Bella had so successfully scuppered every plan I had made for our vacation, but she just seemed to be so much more comfortable going with the flow and living in the moment. After some thought, I had decided that if it made her happy I would let my control slip as much as I could, and if it took me a while to convince her to allow me to indulge her every whim, I would learn to wait.

Another more primal part of me was afraid that she would think I was some kind of colossal pervert, concerned only with gratification and nothing else. But Bella had found several very effective methods of… reassuring me otherwise.

Hence, the fact that this morning was the first time I had worn any clothes at all since Monday afternoon, and that was only because I had decided that maybe hot fat, plus nudity, wasn't a great combination. I had found a fairly sturdy looking, red and white striped apron in a cupboard in the kitchen, and donned that with the hope it would be enough to protect me in case of accidents. Not wanting to break the rules of the house too much though, that was all I had put on.

_I wonder if we can implement some kind of 'naked Saturday' rule when we get home… _

…_obviously after Charlie's gone out_

_Urgh. I just ruined my own daydream!_

I returned my attention to the pan and added another lot of batter, hoping that this time things would work in the way they did for Bella. So far I had 2 congealed lumps of goo sitting in the sink, both of which had steadfastly refused to be pancakes, and one half decent pancake, which was now stuck to the floor. I hadn't moved it yet, as if things didn't improve soon I was going to have to eat it. All this cooking was making me hungry.

The batter in the pan looked like it was cooking, so I jiggled it a bit, but this time it didn't move around at all, so I jiggled a bit harder. Still didn't move.

_Shit_.

When Bella did this, a simple flick of her wrist would send the pancake somersaulting into the air, but that didn't seem to be working for me.

I took the pan in both hands and jerked it roughly from side to side, flailing my arms wildly around the room.

_And it's still stuck!_

I suddenly heard my phone begin to ring from the bedroom, so I tossed the pan, stuck pancake and all, back into the sink and ran to get it, hoping it wouldn't wake Bella before I could get there.

"Whassat…" Bella was rolling over in bed as I reached her, and I decided that whoever was calling me right now was about to get told exactly what I thought of them.

After I finally found my phone in the bottom of my bag, I picked it up, but before I could even say a word, I was cut off by a pixie-like growl.

"Don't you DARE! I was just calling to tell you what you were doing wrong, BEFORE you smacked yourself in the head with the pan!" I heard an angry mutter that I couldn't quite make out, before Alice continued to berate me. "Language like that is really uncalled for Edward, I'm disgusted with you!"

"I'm sorry Alice… but I didn't actually say a word, so it's a little harsh telling me off for it."

"You would have done, and you know as well as I do that it's the thought that counts!" She still sounded mad, but then suddenly her tone softened. "Look, I wouldn't have called, but at any minute you were about to cause yourself to waste your last day of vacation in the ER."

"Oh! _Oh_… Thank you Alice." I knew I sounded contrite when her tone changed suddenly.

"So how's Bella?" Alice's voice had a sing-song quality that I recognised only too well. I glanced up at the mention of her name, to see Bella watching me from our bed with a sleepy smile. She mouthed '_Alice?' _at me, and I nodded as I eased back down into the bed beside her. "Tell her I'm sorry I woke her up."

"Alice is sorry she woke you up." I kissed her softly good morning as she snuggled in beside me, and I realised I was still wearing my apron.

"Tell Alice I don't mind. The sight I woke up to was worth it." Bella grinned as I considered the fact I was bending over with my back to her in only my apron when she awoke.

"If you like it I could wear it again later." I felt myself twitch as Bella ran her hand down the front of said apron, before I was rudely disturbed by a loud noise in my ear.

"Ick, ick ick!" I remembered that Alice was on the other end of the phone I was currently holding when she began to make disgusted noises at me. "Edward, please, not something I needed to see. Honestly! Give the phone to Bella and go cook your pancakes. And for goodness sake, turn them over with a spatula; you don't have to toss them just because she does."

_Oh._

I passed the phone to Bella and crawled out of bed.

As I headed towards the door I heard Bella let out a loud shriek. "Alice! There is no way I'm even answering that!" She rolled her eyes at the phone as I left the room, remarkably glad that this wasn't a conversation I would have to be party to. Vampire hearing; not always the gift it sounds like. Sometimes it's good just to _not know_.

This time my efforts in the kitchen paid off, and twenty minutes later I returned to our bedroom, now minus the apron, to find Bella sitting in bed waiting for me. I had finally managed to get the hang of pancakes and, even if I say so myself, they looked pretty good with some chopped fruit and whipped cream to go with them.

Our bedroom was quite large, with a King size four poster bed in the centre of it. The wall that faced the far end of the bed was made entirely of glass, and it contained a sliding door which led straight out onto the private beach that came with the property. The walls were painted a soft blue, and the thick carpet matched the colour of the sand outside the room almost exactly, as if the beach followed you into the house when you came inside.

Unlike when we had arrived at Renee's, we had never gotten around to unpacking properly this time, and our bags were thrown across the floor, with our rather rumpled belongings tumbling out of them. The dressing table was also piled up with toiletries and cosmetics, neither of us having taken the time to tidy anything up. When I thought about it, which I admit had not been often, I had merely been amused by the fact that it actually looked like teenagers lived here.

I settled down in the bed beside Bella, resting the tray on my lap as she beamed widely at me.

"Oh Edward! They look great! Well done." I felt a surge of pride over my efforts as she grinned at me, before she started on her breakfast, leaning on my side as she broke up her pancake with a fork.

"Hmmm… Delicious." She hummed as she started to eat. I would have spent more time watching her, but after spending so long cooking the damn things I was absolutely starving, so I focused on eating myself for a few minutes too.

In hardly any time at all, the pancakes and fruit I had spent virtually all morning preparing were gone. I shoved the tray down towards the end of the bed, and as soon as I leant back again Bella pounced on me.

She wrapped herself around me, and I groaned as she ran her hand down my chest to my stomach, before she leant in and kissed me hard on the mouth, running her tongue across my bottom lip before she pulled away.

"I'll have to cook breakfast more often." I chuckled, the heat of her kiss leaving me a little breathless.

"Only if you wear the apron." She replied. I growled as her hand trailed lower, tracing the line of hair that stretched down beneath my navel. "So, does that mean we're wearing clothes today?"

"It depends…" I sat back a little, serious now, again beginning to worry that she might think that I was some kind of pervert. "What do you want to do today?"

"What's on our itinerary?"

"Swimming with dolphins." I shrugged slightly. I felt a little embarrassed that I had made so many plans, and we had yet to do any of them. I had ensured I had paid everybody in full anyway though, not wanting any of the people I had booked through to lose out because we were otherwise entertained.

"That sounds amazing, I would absolutely love to do that someday." She was smiling as she settled back into the pillows, her eyes hooded in a look I recognised only too well by now.

"But not today?" I raised an eyebrow at her with a smirk, already knowing the answer.

"Well, it's probably not something we can do naked, is it?" Bella frowned for a second, pretending to consider the idea.

"I would guess we might frighten the dolphins to be honest love." I played along, pretending to consider the idea with her for a moment.

"Then that settles it. We'd better just let them know we're busy for today." She reached out for me as she spoke, her hands urging me towards her, but I shook my head slightly as I leant backwards, towards the end of the bed.

I had quite deliberately saved some of the whipped cream from my breakfast, as while I was eating I had realised that, though it tasted good on the pancakes, it would taste infinitely better off of Bella. On my plate there was a large untouched blob, and I scooped some of it up with my finger, before I twisted back towards Bella to face her with a grin.

She looked magnificent laid out before me, stretched out on her back resting on the pillows, entirely naked bar the sheet tangled around her waist. The sunlight was streaming in across the bed, and the light sparkled in her eyes as she caught sight of what I was doing.

I began to move towards her, when suddenly my cell began to ring loudly again from nearby.

"Ignore it." I grumbled as the phone began to rattle across the bedside table, where Bella had abandoned it earlier.

"It's Charlie." Bella had glanced across to the caller ID, and was reaching for the phone before I even had a chance to complain. "He'll only worry if we don't answer."

She picked up the call as I absentmindedly licked the cream off of the end of my finger, glad that there was still plenty left on my plate for later.

**Bella**

"Hi Dad." I answered the phone, watching Edward's finger enviously as he sucked the cream off that had so very nearly made it onto my body.

"Bells, there you are." Uh-oh, the tone of Charlie's voice was not good. "I haven't heard from you in days. I was beginning to think you'd been eaten by a shark."

I subconsciously began to pull the sheet around my body as I spoke to him, feeling uncomfortable talking to him in the nude, even on the telephone. I glanced over towards Edward's naked form, and tossed a bit of sheet over him at the same time. The sight of his beautiful erection not really something I could stand while I spoke to my father.

"We're fine Dad, we've been busy since we got to the Keys, Edward had made lots of plans." _Not that we got to do any of them…_

"Oh, ok. I was just checking. Are you having a good time?"

"Yeah, we're having a great time. A few days away was just what we both needed." Edward began to play with my hair while I talked, settling in behind me with his legs tangled in mine.

"Ok… How was your Mom?" I thought I heard something in his tone of voice again as he spoke, but I couldn't be quite sure.

"She was ok. You know Renee. We'd got confused about when she was leaving for Phil's game, so I didn't get to see as much of her as I'd planned."

"You could always fly out again one weekend; the flights don't cost too much as long as we book in good time." Charlie still sounded off, and I wondered if he was thinking about what Renee had said to him, about me and Edward going to live in Phoenix, when the idea of Edward living with us had first come up. I shivered in horror at the thought.

"No, it was fine. Maybe we'll go and see her for a couple of days over Christmas or something."_ Or maybe not._

"Ok." He sounded relieved, and I was glad. "What time does your flight come in tomorrow? Do you want me to pick you up from the airport?"

"No thanks Dad, we don't get into Port Angeles until about five, Alice said she'd pick us up." _Seeing as Edward wouldn't leave his precious car in long term parking._

"Uh, ok. Well... See you tomorrow Bells" Edward had started to run his hands up and down the contours of my side and, as my skin responded to his touch, I was relieved that Charlie wasn't more of a talker.

"See you then Dad." I said as I hung up the phone and slung it through the bedroom door, with surprisingly accurate aim, for me.

"You…" I rolled over and poked Edward in the chest with one finger. "…are very bad."

He smiled his crooked smile, and up close he dazzled me completely. His emerald green eyes twinkled with good humour as he leant down and softly brushed my lips with his. He hadn't shaved since we arrived at the Keys, and when I reached up and stroked his cheek the bronze scruff on his jaw was soft. His hair was all over the place, and for a moment I smiled as I thought to myself that _this _was sex hair.

"I'm sorry…" Suddenly his finger swiped across my nose, leaving a blob of whipped cream there. "I really wanted you to get off of the phone." He leant in and kissed the end of my nose, swiping his tongue over it quickly and cleaning off the cream. "I had plans."

"So I see." I settled back into the pillows as Edward shuffled down the bed, taking my sheet with him.

I watched him scoop a large blob of whipped cream off of his breakfast plate, before he crept back up the bed and proceeded to paint the skin across my chest with it, leaving two larger blobs of cream over each of my nipples.

He looked very thoughtful as he trailed his creamy fingers over my skin, almost as if he was studying me. I sighed gently, enjoying the combination of calm and excitement that I felt whenever he touched me.

"Ooooh, it's cold." I giggled as he piled more cream on my nipples, the combination of the cold cream and Edward's fingers sending little jolts of electricity through my body.

"Don't wriggle, little fidget." He said to me in mock seriousness, as he swiped another blob of cream down my stomach.

He quickly leant downwards and licked his tongue up length of my stomach, lapping up the cream from my navel up to between my breasts. "Hmmm… you taste so good." He looked up towards me as he spoke, and I could see his eyes were dark with lust.

Before I could respond, he continued his exploration of my chest, following the trail of cream beneath the curve of one breast, and then the other, before finally suckling one of my nipples into his mouth.

I arched my back towards him as he sucked and nipped at my nipple, and I tangled one hand in his hair and held his face to me, leaning down and breathing in the smell of his shampoo and sweat as he moved his attention to my other breast.

I felt crazed with my need for him already, his hot breath on my skin causing the blood to pump in my ears, and drowning out all logic.

"Edward…" I moaned and writhed beneath him as he trailed his lips downwards, pausing to kiss the top of my thigh as he ran his hands behind me to squeeze my butt with both hands.

He moved further down my leg, leaving kisses inside my thigh, moving lower and lower until he reached my knee, then my ankle. He swirled his tongue around my toes as I practically growled in frustration at him, desperate to feel his weight on my body again.

He moved to the other leg, moving slowly upwards as he kissed every inch from my ankle to my inner thigh. He glanced up and caught my eye and smiled at my expression as I urged him on.

"Impatient love?" He smirked at me as he lazily trailed his fingers back into the cream on the plate behind him, collecting another large blob on his fingers.

"Edward… don't tease me…" I knew I sounded needy but, dammit, I felt needy!

He smiled as he reached into my curls, and I felt him spread me down there softly, before I felt a cold sensation on my clit.

"Ohhhhhhh…" I moaned at the sensation, the coldness of the cream against my clitoris a sudden and very pleasurable surprise. And then I realised what he was going to do, for the first time, and a whole new shiver of excitement shot through my body.

He leant in and swiped his tongue firmly across my clit, making me moan again as my hand drifted back to his hair. I felt him swipe his tongue lower, grazing my entrance as I pulled his head closer to my body, desperate for more.

He looked up at me from between my thighs, and gave me a sexy smirk. He returned to kissing my inner thighs again for a few moments, the soft scratch of his scruff against my tender skin driving me crazy. I ran my hand through his hair, feeling the softness of it as I twirled it around my fingers. He nuzzled his face down towards my centre again, and I felt him place soft kisses between my legs as I urged him on with my hand.

His tongue suddenly moved back to my clit, and he began to slowly work it, moving against me softly but insistently, until I could feel the vibration of his movements in the muscles in my stomach.

I spread my legs wider for him, urging him closer as he slipped a finger inside me, moving it in the same rhythm as his tongue was working.

"Edward… mmm … that feels so good baby." He moaned against me as I spoke, sending more vibrations through my already swollen clit, making me rise off the bed in my need to thrust against his mouth.

He slipped another finger into me, and began to move faster as I rocked against his mouth. I could feel sweat building up in the dip between my breasts, and they were aching for him to touch them. Knowing that he was otherwise engaged, I reached up with both hands, grasping at my breasts, pinching and rolling my nipples, before I tugged at them. I groaned slightly at the combination of sensations, the way he was touching me was so intense, I was very close to falling apart.

I looked down at Edward, only to see him staring up at me fondling my own breasts with wide eyes.

"Fuck Bella…" I just about heard him mumble into me, as he returned with even more intensity to suckling my clit and thrusting into me with his fingers.

My eyes wandered lower, and I could see Edward grinding his hips into the bed with an edge of desperation as he continued to watch me play with my nipples. His eyes were still wide, and he was moaning constantly as he moved, and I realised that he was really too far away from me.

"Edward…" He was still watching me, so I twirled my finger around, hoping he would understand what I was trying to say to him.

"Hmmm?" He raised an eyebrow in question, and I rolled my eyes at the fact that I was feeling embarrassed about saying this, considering how we had spent the last few days.

"Baby… turn around…" I could still see he looked confused, so I decided to spell it out. "Edward, turn around, let me… reciprocate."

His eyes seemed to bug out for a second, before he practically flew off the bed, turning his body around so I was all at once face to face with his huge erection. He immediately returned to what he was doing, and for a second I was distracted from my task by the jolts of electricity shooting through my body when he continued with his ministrations on my centre.

We had rolled onto our sides, and Edward rested his head on my inner thigh as he began to thrust his tongue inside of me, moving in and out as he flicked my clit with his fingers.

His shaft looked almost painful it was so swollen; I could see his liquid seeping from the end, so I reached out and licked him, tasting his saltiness on my tongue as he moaned against me.

I reached out and cupped his balls in my hand, squeezing them very softly as I'd learned he liked, before I leant in and licked his tip again, enjoying the moan he made against me again immensely.

I licked up and down his shaft, running the tip of my tongue around the base of the head each time I reached the top, until his moans became words, the vibrations driving me wild as he mumbled against me.

"_I want to come in your mouth…Bella… fuck... let me come in your mouth_." His hips were rocking gently, making the tip of his shaft brush against my lips as I moved closer to him.

I could feel my own orgasm building in my stomach as I leaned in and took the tip of his cock into my mouth, sucking gently and tasting his salty come on my tongue again.

I continued to suck on him tenderly for a moment, feeling him swell noticeably in my mouth as I did. His hips were moving against me, but not enough to be uncomfortable as I sucked him deeper into my mouth, tipping my head back slightly to allow him deeper into my throat, before I sucked and pulled back.

I could feel his whole body tensing as I sucked him, and he groaned loudly against my clit, the vibrations finally pulling me over the edge. My hips began to buck against his mouth as I clenched around his fingers. He pulled me closer to him with one arm wrapped around my waist, as I moaned.

As I came I sucked on Edward harder, pulling him to me with two hands wrapped around his butt, and as I continued to climax I felt his shaft grow considerably in my mouth.

"_Fuck Bella... Christ…"_ He grunted as he jerked against me, and suddenly I felt him begin to come in hot streams in my mouth, as he continued to grunt and moan.

I swallowed quickly as he came, feeling his engorged tip in the back of my throat as I did, and concentrating on not gagging as he continued to twitch for several seconds in my mouth. Finally I pulled away, sucking on him softly as I dragged my lips away from him.

We lay like that for a few minutes, both of us gasping for air, with our arms wrapped around each other in a messy tangle of limbs.

Finally Edward sat up and turned himself around, laying beside me before urging me into his side. I rested my head on his chest and marveled at the sound of his racing heartbeat.

"_Fuck, _that was... _Christ_…" He sounded almost incoherent, and I looked up at him through my eyelashes, as seductively as I could manage, and smiled at the expression on his face as he continued to breathe heavily. He was looking at me almost in wonder.

"You have a potty mouth when you're horny," I said. I couldn't help but smile as his expression became slightly sheepish.

"I'm sorry; I appear to lose my mental filter quite a lot these days..."

"Don't be sorry… I like it, it's kind of hot… It's just, I think I only ever head you drop the f-bomb once or twice as a vampire, and these days it's becoming a regular occurrence."

"There was quite a lot I didn't do as a vampire…" He wriggled his eyebrows at me suggestively as I giggled at him.

"That's very true… I don't know though Mr. Cullen. I think I might be a bad influence on you."

"Mrs. Cu… _Miss Swan,_ you are definitely a very bad influence on me." I'd heard him catch himself before he said it, but I was surprised to feel a little smile on my lips at the fact he'd nearly called me Mrs. Cullen.

I looked at him for a minute, and tried to take a mental picture of him as he lay gazing down at me with a lazy smile on his face. His eyes were crinkled at the edges where he was smiling, his hair was lying in sweaty strands across his face, and his mouth was open very slightly as he breathed heavily. But the overriding thing I wanted to save was how _happy _he looked, his utter joy with our life evident with his every breath.

Suddenly my thoughts turned to the coming weeks, and I remembered that we would have to go home tomorrow. My mood dropped as I considered the fact that he might only have another couple of weeks staying at my house until the cottage on the Cullen's property was ready, effectively separating us.

"Bella. What is it?" I came back to the present to find Edward staring at me, frowning slightly as he took in my sudden change in mood.

"I was just remembering that we have to go home tomorrow, is all." I pouted slightly, wondering what I was going to do, having to live with Edward _and _Charlie. "We're going to have to put on clothes."

"This is unfortunately true, but I still get to hold you all night, every night. I think I can live with that."

"Until the cottage is ready." I said in a small whisper, not wanting to make him to feel bad that he was planning on leaving me again sooner rather than later.

"No, I won't be moving into the cottage until we reach a time when you can come with me." He kissed my temple softly, holding me more tightly to him as I shifted more of my weight onto his chest. "I can't imagine leaving you for a single moment now Bella, I won't. So, I'll stay with you and Charlie for as long as he'll have me. The cottage will undoubtedly prove… useful, but I will be wherever you are."

I couldn't help the enormous smile that suddenly split my face in two. I had been considering Edward's stay with me temporary, but it now occurred to me that I might never have to face another night without him… _ever_.

Our eyes locked, and we moved together into a firm kiss, our mouths opening and our tongues rubbing against each other for a moment. I almost laughed when I felt Edward grimace under my lips suddenly, before he withdrew from the kiss.

"Er…" His cheeks were pink with embarrassment, but the blush faded as I grinned at him.

"It's alright Edward. We need to get up anyway. I know I need a toothbrush." And although I was too polite to say it, so did he.

"Sorry… I just don't know how you do that." He wrinkled his nose for a second, before his expression suddenly changed to alarmed. "I mean – wait – I'm glad you do… but…"

"Shhh. I know. Come on. Maybe we should put some clothes on. Alice is going to be disappointed if I don't wear at least some of the things she bought." I took his hand and dragged him out of bed and towards the bathroom, determined that today we would at least leave the bedroom.

**Edward**

After we had showered, I pulled some clothes on quickly and made my way back into the kitchen. I left Bella still getting ready, as I had realised I had left quite a mess, and wanted to tidy up before she came out and tried to do it herself.

When I made it into the kitchen I scowled, having forgotten quite how much chaos I'd left behind me. As well as the pancake on the floor, and the mess in the sink, every square inch of work surface seemed to be covered in batter, or flour, or both. As I began to clean up, I went to put the radio on for some music, and was surprised to find it was already nearly lunchtime.

_Excellent! Eat, have sex, eat some more. Best holiday I ever had._

As I was thinking this I looked up to find Bella watching me from the doorway. I gulped as my eyes ran up and down her form. She was wearing the tiniest blue bikini ever made by man, I swear.

_Ok, this is now the best holiday _anyone _ever had._

"I thought we were wearing clothes?" I squeaked. Yes I squeaked. Most of my brain function had immediately disengaged at the sight of Bella in _the bikini_.

"This is clothes. I think it covers all the essentials doesn't it?" She turned around slowly as I gawped at her, the two tiny triangles of material covering her breasts were held on by string alone, and the tiny scrap of material supposedly covering her bottom… definitely did not cover her bottom.

"You weren't… you weren't planning on going out like that were you?" The very thought of anyone else seeing her like this was enough to drive me insane, and I silently thanked God for our private beach.

"I was just going to go and catch some sun, so I can at least pretend that we actually saw the outside at some point while we were here." She grinned at me as she slowly turned around and sauntered towards the patio doors on the other side of the kitchen, and stepped out into the sunlight. Just before she vanished from my line of sight she turned and glanced at me over her shoulder, before turning back and continuing away from me.

Lunch immediately forgotten, I followed her outside, only to find her lying on a sun lounger, holding a bottle of sunscreen expectantly.

The patio doors off the kitchen led directly out onto our private beach, the kitchen being on the same side of the house as the bedroom. The private beach that I had searched so hard to find was utterly perfect, golden sand trailing down to a beautiful turquoise sea. There were a few palm trees scattered around near the house, and we were cut off from neighboring properties by an outcropping of rocks on one side, and the sea on the other. Bella was lying on one of the two sun loungers on the beach, with an umbrella between them made of palm leaves.

"Do you mind?" She said, as she tossed me the bottle, a wicked smile playing at her lips.

_Game on Swan!_

"Lie down, let me get your back for you." I purred in her ear, determined to tease her, as much as she was teasing me.

Bella stretched out comfortably on her front, resting her head on her folded hands with her eyes closed as I settled down beside her. We were both in the shade of the umbrella, which was a relief, as it was incredibly hot out at this time of day. Even with a small breeze blowing in from the ocean, I could already feel sweat beginning to break out on my back.

I squirted a largish round of sun lotion into my hand, and I began to massage it into the warm skin on the top of her shoulders. I made my way down from her shoulders to the petite width of her back, running my hands in circles as I worked my way down towards the base of her spine. As I passed her sides I grazed the sides of her breasts, and I felt her tense a little under my hands. I pushed my hands under the straps of her top, and she gasped.

"Just being thorough love," I drawled. I smiled as I felt her react to the sound of my voice, her skin twitching under my gentle massage. I thought I was winning for a moment, until her hands shifted round behind her.

"Of course. Let me help you with that." She giggled as she undid her top, the tiny straps falling down either side of her, leaving her long creamy back entirely bare in front of me.

_Damn, now I'm hard again._

We had spent days playing this game. We teased each other mercilessly, waiting to see who would be the first to cave in. It was the best game I'd ever played. But I hadn't won a round yet.

I worked my way down her body, rubbing in the sun lotion. I spent extra time working the lotion into her pert, rounded bottom, trailing my fingers low between her legs as I felt myself throbbing. _Again._

"I think that counts." She piped up from under my hands. I could feel her wetness coming through her bikini bottoms on my fingers, but I wasn't ready to admit defeat yet.

"No it doesn't. I'm still just being thorough, I wouldn't want any of this beautiful satiny skin to be burned." I was fighting with every drop of willpower I had, to not lean in and run my lips down her back, as that would _definitely _count.

"I think you've finished my back Edward." Bella rolled over onto her back, and as she did she flicked her bikini top towards me, where it landed on my shoulder.

I groaned as I took in her beautiful body stretched out before me. She had her eyes closed, and was lying with her arms stretched out above her head. She lifted one leg a little, so her foot was flat on the sun lounger. My cock twitched towards her, drawing me in like a moth to a flame. But I was determined, this time I would beat her at her own game.

I began to massage lotion into the front of her neck and shoulders, and then I ran my hands up and down her arms, trying to ignore the affect the slick feeling of her skin was having on me. I got more lotion, then had to work my way down her body, rubbing lotion into her breasts, not wanting her to burn the delicate skin which usually remained covered in the outdoors.

"That _definitely _counts Edward." I suddenly seemed to come out of a trance, and looked down at my hands as they were cupping her breasts, my thumbs working her pebbled nipples in a circular motion. Bella had opened one eye, and was grinning at me as she waited for me to acknowledge her victory.

"Don't care." I mumbled as I leant down and kissed her firmly on the mouth. I ran my tongue across her lips, and she opened her mouth immediately, meeting my tongue with hers as we kissed passionately.

Bella shuffled across to one side of the sun lounger, encouraging me to join her, which I did eagerly, my hands continuing their exploration of her chest as soon as I was beside her.

"I like this game." Bella whispered into my ear when I pulled away, working my lips downwards, towards her throat. "Do I get a prize?"

"Yes." I placed open mouthed kisses across her collarbones, and I suckled softly on her neck for a moment as she moaned in my ear, before pulling away and kissing my way back up her neck. "Me."

"Hmmm… _best prize ever._" We kissed again as my whole being thrummed with pleasure, whether it was insanity on her part or not; she loved me, and _God_ how I loved her.

I felt her hands running down my shirt, and suddenly her hot hands were on my skin, chasing up under my shirt until they reached my nipples, dragging my shirt up with her as she went. I yanked it over my head, needing to feel her skin against mine again, my whole being burning for her as if it had been days, not minutes since I had touched her.

"Are you sure this is a private beach Edward?" I pulled out of my lust induced haze and found her looking at me. She looked slightly nervous, as she nibbled on her bottom lip.

I eased her lip out from between her teeth with my forefinger as I replied. "It's totally and absolutely private Bella. The only way anyone else is coming down here is either via the bungalow, or by boat."

She grinned as I answered her, and I suddenly felt her hand on my chest. She rolled us both over, until I was on my back on the lounger, and she was lying beside me, with her knee thrown over my thigh. "Excellent!"

Her hand began to work its way into my shorts rather enthusiastically, and I groaned when her fingers wrapped around my cock again. I pulled her into my arms and kissed her, as my hands ran down her body until I reached her ludicrous bikini bottoms. They were held on with little ties on each side of her body, and when I pulled the strings they came undone ridiculously easily.

"You do know you're never allowed to wear this thing in anybody's presence but mine, don't you Bella? Unless you _wanted_ to kill me, that is." I tugged at her bikini, and it came away from her body. I tossed it over my shoulder carelessly, far more interested in exploring the tiny bit of skin I had just uncovered, like my own personal holy grail.

"Edward, I nearly died of embarrassment putting it on for _you._ I don't think it will be seeing the light of day again soon." She was laughing as I tickled her bottom, and her movements made her hand that had been just grasping my cock, shift up and down a little. I twitched in her hand, and then I hissed as she squeezed my tip gently. "I think someone's overdressed."

I tore my hands away from her delicious curves for a moment, and I ripped my shorts and boxers off in one easy movement, lifting my body off of the lounger by bracing my feet on it and pushing myself upwards.

As soon as I was free, Bella turned a little and faced me, kissing me softly as she cupped my face in her hands. I put my hands on her hips and shifted her around, pulling her towards me until she sat up, lifted her leg and straddled me.

As she settled downwards onto me, sliding my hot length deep inside her tight, wet heat, our light teasing mood changed, and when our eyes met they were intense. Neither of us moved for a moment, as we simply enjoyed the sensation of being made one.

However much we had played together, and enjoyed each other's bodies these last few days, the utter joy of being inside her shocked me every time. I had once compared her to a drug, calling to me, but I regretted saying that now. My need for her was not like a drug at all, she was part of me, and I was part of her, to be together was just as we should be.

I sat up to meet her, unable to bear being separated from any part of her. She wrapped her arms around my shoulders and began to rock against me, taking her pleasure on my body as she gave me mine. I supported us both, with my hands resting on the lounger behind me, leaving me unable to touch or guide her as she ground her hips into mine.

With Bella sitting on top of me I felt further inside her than I ever had before, all of me deeply buried into her, my tip reaching her innermost depths. Our eyes were tightly locked together, our connection so much more than just the physical. In that moment I could feel her heart, our love, binding us irrevocably, as we whispered words of devotion in each other's ears.

She continued to rock, but gradually her movements became faster. I could feel her breathing quicken as she began to tighten around me, the sensations felt stronger than they ever had before, being so deep inside of her, so tightly bound to her.

"Oh God Edward…" She whispered softly into my ear as her movements became faster still, and she began to clench tightly around me, buried so deeply into her I could no longer tell where I finished and she began.

_If she wasn't on the pill, this feels like a really good way to get her pregnant._

"_Oh God .._." I positively screamed as the most violent orgasm I had ever experience suddenly ripped through me. My whole body rose from the lounger, lifting Bella up as I came harder than I ever had in my life, spilling into her again and again as I saw stars.

A few moments later we both collapsed down onto the lounger, gasping for breath as we held onto each other tight. Bella was still on top of me, and I was still inside her, although I was pretty sure that this time I was_ not _up for round two. As although I wasn't sure if it should be, the idea of our love making being able to produce a baby, of me being able to get Bella pregnant, was in fact a very affecting thought. So much so, that for a moment there, I was worried about both of our safety.

I felt Bella gulp a little as she eased up from my chest to look me in the eye. "I think we'll try _that_ again sometime."

"Uh huh." I nodded, unable to pull together anything else as she laid back down on top of me, still gasping for breath. I vaguely considered telling her about the thought that had just occurred to me, but I dismissed the idea almost immediately, completely unable to face the possibility that the idea that had just made my heart swell to such a degree might make her run screaming for the hills.

Instead, I lay and cradled my beloved in my arms, as we both drifted off into a satisfied sleep. As I did I was daydreaming about my Bella, with her belly rounded and full with my child.

*****

I woke a little later, the wind had picked up a bit, and I was suddenly rather self conscious about being naked outdoors. Fortunately we had fallen asleep in the shade; otherwise we would both be nursing nasty sunburn tomorrow.

I opened my eyes to find Bella wide awake, still resting on top of me, watching me as I woke up.

She smiled as my eyes flickered open. "I don't think I'll ever get bored of that. Seeing you wake up. Every time, it's just about the most amazing thing I ever saw." She yawned a cute little yawn, and I could see that she too had only just woken up.

"I know exactly what you mean love."

"I'm hungry. I think we missed lunch," she said. I looked at the sun hanging low in the sky above us, and I had to concur that she was right.

"Early dinner?"

"Yup." She sat up and climbed off of me. I immediately missed the contact, but I had to admit that I also really needed food.

I bent down and picked up my shorts, and I made to start putting them on before I realised that Bella was glaring at me. "What?"

"You're getting dressed!" She pouted, and I couldn't hold back a chuckle.

"I think it's the done thing for dinner." I laughed as her pout turned into a scowl, before she suddenly snatched my clothes out of my hand and charged down the beach with them, waving them high above her head as she ran towards the water and away from me.

I sat stunned for a second, before I leapt from my seat on the lounger and started after her. I growled as I began to catch her up, and I could hear her giggling as she headed towards the surf.

"Bella, when I catch you, I'm throwing you in!" I yelled after her as she lobbed my clothes into the water, and then turned and ran away from me, parallel to the water, screaming and laughing at the top of her lungs.

I have to admit, I could have caught her quite quickly, but the sight of Bella running along completely nude in the surf wasn't one to pass up, so I continued to chase her, but not too hard. I was no more than six feet away from her when she turned and looked at me, a radiant grin on her face. But as she turned back to keep running, she suddenly went down onto the sand.

I was shocked for a second. The speed with which she'd gone from running, to being on the floor in a heap, almost made no sense. It was as if I didn't see her actually fall it had happened so quickly, one second we were running and playing, the next she was on the ground.

I threw myself down onto the sand beside her. "Bella! Are you hurt?"

She was easing herself up into a sitting position, scowling with pain. "One rock on the whole damn beach, and I have to fall over it!"

She leant over and rubbed her right ankle, she winced as she touched it, and I felt myself frown.

"Bella, let me, please." I reached out and touched her ankle, I ran my fingers over it, and tried to feel if there was anything broken, but I couldn't be sure. "Do you think you can stand?"

"Maybe." I helped Bella to her feet, but as soon as she put any weight on her ankle she cried out in pain. "No."

"Ok, I think we're going to have to get you to the ER, that was a nasty fall, and I can't be sure if that's broken or not. Hold on tight." I scooped her up into my arms and carried her back up the beach to the house.

I dressed quickly, and then helped Bella into some clothes, before I drove us both to the local ER. I have to confess, the location of which I had researched before our arrival in Florida.

Several hours later we made it home again, with Bella's ankle now strapped into a brace. An X-ray had shown that her ankle was only sprained, but the sprain was bad enough that the doctor had offered her the support to help her to recover more quickly. Of course Bella had complained vociferously at the very suggestion of it, but I had insisted.

We had stopped quickly to eat on our way home, finding a very nice restaurant quite close by, but this meant that it was quite late by the time I walked in our front door, carrying Bella in my arms. I carried her straight into our bedroom, and softly lowered her down onto the bed.

"I'm sorry Edward. I spoiled our last day here." Bella looked upset but sleepy as she looked at me, so I did my best to hide my own feelings, and tried to make her feel better.

"Never mind love, I'm just glad it wasn't any worse." I settled down into the bed with her, not bothering to get undressed yet, as I was fairly certain that it was going be a while before I slept anyway.

"I hate being so… klutzy." Bella's eyes were drooping closed, the painkillers she had been given in the hospital undoubtedly making her sleepy by now.

She didn't say any more, and a few minutes later her breathing evened out into the usual soft pattern of sleep. When I was sure she wouldn't notice, I eased away from her and walked through the house to the kitchen, where I slid open the enormous glass door and stepped out onto the beach.

It was dark, but the moon was bright and provided me plenty of light with which I made my way a little way down the beach, sitting down heavily on the sand with a thump. The surf was washing gently on the shore, the only sound I could hear in our tranquil little haven, aside from the pounding of my own heart.

Up until now I had made myself focus on taking care of Bella, not allowing myself to dwell on what had happened this afternoon, but now as I gazed down the beach I replayed everything in my mind.

I remembered us running along the sand; me chasing after her, not to catch her, but simply to watch her run as she laughed aloud. And then she was down. It had happened so fast that I hadn't even registered that she was falling, until she was already on the ground. There had been absolutely no chance for me to catch her.

A couple of short weeks ago I would have had my arms around her, catching her, a split second after she had started to fall. To my vampire mind it would have seemed relatively slow. I would have had plenty of time to steady her before she fell, making sure that I was gentle enough not to bruise her as I did. And no harm would have come to her.

As it was, today she was in a broken heap on the floor, before my slow and pathetic brain had even noticed that she was falling.

_What if something more serious had happened…? What if something more serious _does _happen?_

Suddenly I found I was breathing very fast, and I recognised that I was hyperventilating, which was ridiculous, but true. I balled my hands into fists, grasping wet sand tightly in my palms as my entire body tensed. My heart was pounding hard and fast in my chest as panic overwhelmed me for a few minutes, and the sheer horror of my new situation came crashing down on me all at once.

It wasn't just myself that was made vulnerable by new human weakness, but Bella as well. I was entirely unable to protect her from harm, be it from herself or from others. I had joked before about her being a danger magnet, but that was when I was perfectly capable of taking care of her. But what would I do now, if an out of control van was hurtling towards her?

_Nothing. You'd do nothing but stand and watch as she was taken from you. As you know she _will_ be taken from you, sooner or later._

A sob wracked through my body, and I ran my hands through my hair, pulling at it violently like a madman, wondering if this panic would ever subside. Images flickered through my mind, time after time that I had caught Bella, saved her. How many times had I saved her life now? And how many of those times would I have been able to save her as a human?

That one I knew the answer to.

_Just once, that's all it will take. Just one little thing, and she'll be gone. _

Then I would be gone. I would never survive losing her. In fact the only thing at that moment that I could think to be glad of, was that this frail human body would be so easy to kill. I had found it worrying how difficult suicide would be as a vampire, when I had contemplated life without Bella, but no longer. If she died I would follow her within hours, minutes if I could arrange it.

I spent a long time sitting on the sand, listening to the sounds of the ocean as I tried to bring my fears under control. I didn't want to worry Bella with them, she was dealing with enough of my troubles at the moment, and so I determined to control my dread, and to simply be more careful with her in future.

A little after midnight, I finally felt some semblance of rationality, and I crept inside again. I undressed and slipped into bed next to Bella, and she immediately rolled over and curled herself around me when I did, resting her head on my chest and her hand around my neck.

I couldn't resist stroking her soft skin as she lay with me, touching her grounded me in a way nothing else ever had or would, and I resolved there that I would take better care of her. Without my vampire abilities, protecting her would be harder. But, I reasoned, that just meant that I would have to be more focused, as failing to take care of her was not an option.

That night, the nightmares were worse than the night I'd spent on Charlie's couch. Each time Bella woke me, and she comforted me unquestioningly as I wept tears of pain and fear. I silently hoped she wouldn't ask me what my dreams were about, as I knew that by saying them aloud, I would only make them more real for myself, something which I could simply not abide.

I couldn't abide it because, that night, every nightmare was the same as the ones I had experienced before, but with one devastating difference. Now as I ran from certain death and destruction and horror, she ran with me. And now I knew my new truth; if she fell, I would not be able to save her.


	18. Treaty

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight!

Thank you goes to my uber quick beta venomaddict, who has performed above and beyond the call of duty this week, doing this in under a day due to the ff upload problem over the weekend! Thank you Missus.

* * *

**Bella**

"I don't know if I can do this." Edward ran his hand through his hair for what must have been the dozenth time since we'd landed as we made our way through the terminal, his expression worried.

We were moving through the comparatively tiny Port Angeles airport terminal, having arranged to meet Alice in the car park on another surprisingly sunny day in Washington. Edward was wheeling the trolley carrying our luggage, and me, desperately slowly, clearly not anxious to get back home. I had thought I'd escaped making a spectacle of myself in the airport, having refused to allow him to arrange a wheelchair for me for when we arrived, instead he had perched me on top of our bags on the trolley and insisted I allow him to wheel me towards the car.

My ankle had been much improved when I woke up this morning, the brace and the meds I had been given last night clearly doing their job. I was now able to walk, albeit painfully, and I had been determined to do so, until Edward had placed me on the trolley like another piece of luggage.

"Do what, baby?" I didn't have it in me to be mad with him, even as yet another person eyed me curiously as I rolled past them, clutching hold of my bag precariously.

"Go back home and pretend everything's as it was. Everything's different now." His hand drifted from his hair to my own, touching me quickly, almost as if he was checking I was still there.

I caught his hand and squeezed it, before he moved it back to guide the trolley as we passed a group of kids wearing backpacks, chattering together in the main entrance to the airport. "We'll be ok. All we have to do is be considerate of the fact that we live with Charlie, but he's not actually home all that much, you know."

I smiled up at him as I spoke, but the worry line between his eyes didn't fade as we moved out into the sunlight.

It was sunny in Port Angeles today, but after the heat of Florida I could still feel the chill in the air. We had both dressed for Washington weather before we changed over in Seattle, but still the drop in temperature sent a shiver through me. In a way, I felt sorry to be back in my jeans, surprisingly having enjoyed the feeling of femininity in my summer dresses, especially around Edward, and I definitely missed his board shorts.

Edward was also back in dark-wash jeans, and a black long sleeved T shirt, which I couldn't help but admire the way it clung tightly to his chest as we moved along through the terminal. This morning I had been surprised when he pulled a pair of converse out of his bag and put them on, having never seen such a thing grace his feet before. I vaguely wondered where his Italian designer loafers were, until I realised quite how cute my newly teenaged boyfriend looked in them. We may have almost missed our connection in Seattle, due to said cuteness….

"Where did Alice say she'd be?" Edward said as he scanned the car park for a familiar car. Alice was picking us up, but couldn't meet us at the door due to what I expected to be one of the last sunny days I would see for a while.

At that moment Carlisle's Mercedes pulled up in front of us, and our eyes met. We were both wearing matching smiles.

"Let me help you up from there, love." Edward didn't so much help me up, as scoop me up into his arms and carry me over to the car, the rear door popping open from the inside as we reached it.

"I can walk…" I tried to protest, but Edward simply shushed me as he slid me into the backseat and set about loading our luggage into the boot.

"Hello Bella! Nice holiday?" Alice giggled as she slid back into the front seat from opening the back door for me. She quickly righted herself, and turned in her seat to look at me, a wide grin plastered on her face.

"Yes Alice. We had a wonderful holiday, as you clearly already know!" I could feel the blush begin to burn on my cheeks as her grin only grew wider, assuring me that, yes, she certainly did already know.

"I can't decide if I'm happy you're home or not, you know… I think Jazzy's a bit disappointed." She tapped her forefinger on her bottom lip contemplatively as she spoke, her lips betraying a hint of a smile. Edward got into the back seat with me, and immediately pinched his nose between his thumb and forefinger and groaned.

"Alice, really…" He sounded pained as his eyes scrunched closed, only making Alice begin to giggle.

"I'm sorry Edward, but I just can't watch that much porn, and not have some kind of reaction to it!" Alice turned in her seat and pulled away. I could still see her grin in the rear view mirror, and I suddenly wished the earth would open up and swallow me whole.

"You mean… you saw…" My head fell into my hands, and my cheeks began to burn harder as I realised that Alice clearly now knew me much better than I had ever intended.

"Oh get over it you two." I could almost hear her rolling her eyes at us from the front seat. "You were broadcasting on all frequencies for the last few days, anyway, it's not like Edward hasn't seen far worse in my mind."

_FAR worse? Remind me never to get into conversation about Alice's sex life with her._

"Couldn't you have just not looked, Alice?" Edward had pulled his hand away from his face, and I was vaguely amused to see a pink tinge across his cheeks as he also flushed with embarrassment. I caught his eye, and we shared a small smile for a moment.

"Could you ever just not listen, Edward?" Alice was still grinning, now clearly amused by our mortification.

Edward sighed next to me, then giving in he shuffled us together as far as he could with our seatbelts, and put his arm around me.

We spent the drive home to Forks telling Alice about our vacation, and I quickly realised that I would need to think of some embellishments to tell other people about it, as there was actually very little to share.

_Ok, very little I _could _share._

Alice had seen a great deal of it for some reason, her visions of myself and Edward usually being cloudy since he had become human, the last few days had been an exception. She didn't try to explain it, merely mumbling words like 'intensity', which made me back away from the conversation very quickly.

In the back of my mind I was also worried about our return to reality. The last few days had been like heaven, a vision of how our lives could be, will be, one day, and now we had to go home and live with Charlie again. I wasn't sure how easy I'd find it to go back to being careful with my affections around Edward in the house, the need to touch him constantly was like an itch, I didn't realize I was scratching it until it was already done.

_And Charlie has been so understanding, so far… _

The journey back to Forks passed quickly with Alice at the wheel. Twenty minutes later we pulled up outside our house, and both Edward and I sighed at the same time.

"Stay there Bella, I'll come and get you once I've dropped our bags in the house." Edward's lips grazed my temple, before he got out of the car. I stayed where I was, looking at Alice, who was pulling the most extraordinary face.

"What on earth is that god-awful smell?" She turned around in her seat to look at me, almost accusingly, as Charlie appeared at the front door and took my bag from Edward as they both disappeared inside for a minute.

"What?" I said indignantly. Alice was almost glaring at me, and I unconsciously sniffed myself for a second. "What? It's not me!"

She rolled her eyes at me as half a smile returned to her face. "I know it's not you Bella, you smell better than ever today, all flushed and fluttery, there's just something really… rank around here."

"Oh. Ok. Well. Do you still want to come in then? I'm sure Charlie would be pleased to see you, you could come in and pretend to eat dinner with us again…" My voice trailed off as Alice's face became blank, her eyes swishing from side to side unseeingly, before she quickly refocused on me, a panicked look on her face.

"No! No, no, no. You have to come home with me. I can't see you at all now this evening. You've both just vanished!" Her voice was getting higher and faster as she spoke, until I could barely follow what she was saying. "I have to phone Jazz, I've vanished as well now. Oh my God, where has Edward _gone_?"

She turned her panicky eyes to the front door at the same time as Edward reappeared with a grim expression, and hurried towards the car.

He opened the front passenger door and slipped inside, slamming it quickly and turning so that he could see both me and Alice. "We have visitors," he growled, his face contorted into a deep scowl.

"What do you mean? Who?" I suddenly spotted the old beaten up black Chevy parked outside the house, but I didn't recognise it as belonging to anyone I knew.

"Your father's friend from the reservation is here for dinner, with his son. It seems Charlie told him that I was living with you while we were away, and he's here to have dinner with Charlie's new houseguest… and to remind me about the treaty," Edward said. "His thoughts are very determined."

"But you're human now…" I looked between him and Alice, and watched as they had a quick silent exchange. Edward turned round to face me again a moment later, his expression surprising me in its anger.

"It doesn't matter. And they didn't come alone. There are a couple of… others, in the woods behind the house." I frowned as I was clearly missing something big, from the way Alice's eyes shot towards the forest as Edward spoke. "We need to go and talk to Carlisle, Alice."

Without another word, Alice started the engine and slammed it into reverse; I reached out a grabbed her arm when I realized she was taking us away with her.

"Hold on Alice, stop. Charlie's expecting me and Edward for dinner. We can't just ditch on him." Alice stopped the car again, half way out of the driveway, and turned to face Edward with a questioning look on her face.

"Bella. Love." Edward turned to face me and I could see a battle of emotions across his features, "It's too dangerous, we have to go."

"Don't be ridiculous, it's _Billy. _He's around here all the time. So he knew what you were, what does that matter now?"

"We're going; there isn't time to talk about this now." Edward's face was set in a look of utter determination as he spoke with a tone of finality.

I didn't think about it. I quickly opened the rear door and hopped out of the car as fast as I could, before Alice could pull away. I heard a volley of curses coming from Edward in the front of the car as he leapt out and rounded on me. He glared at me in pure fury for a moment, before stepping towards me until he was pressing up against me.

"Bella, get back into the car… Now!" he almost snarled. His chest was heaving as he seemed to be gasping for breath, and I could suddenly see the utter unadulterated panic in his eyes; as they darted quickly from side to side as he tried to push me back down into the seat.

"You have to tell me why, right now Edward." I said as I began to sink back into the car. Edward nodded; his shoulders dropping as he almost glowed with relief when I conceded.

"Bells! There you are! I hear you wound up in the ER again yesterday." _Crap._

Charlie was out of the house and by the car before I could even manage to shift back into the seat, and I eased myself up again with an air of resignation. The panic returned to Edward's features, and he dived into the car and began a heated whisper-conversation with Alice, as Charlie took my arm and began to lead me towards the house.

"Yeah, I'm ok though Dad, once I've got the brace on I can still walk pretty well. It's just a sprain."

My journey to the front door was a slow one, and just as I reached the porch, Edward was suddenly by my side, his jaw set in a look of resolve. Without a word he swept me up into his arms and carried me into the house.

"I can walk Edward." I mumbled yet again, but the look on his face stopped me from putting any real effort into my complaint. He stopped in the hallway, hesitating at the foot of the stairs for a moment, seeming to consider running us both up there immediately.

"The doctor said you should try not to put any weight on it for a few days, Bella," he replied absent mindedly, as Charlie appeared in the doorway, wearing a vaguely confused expression as he looked at us.

"Billy's here for dinner, and he brought Jake." Charlie was looking at Edward and me warily as he spoke. Edward showed no sign of putting me down, so I wriggled out of his grasp, not wanting to attract my father's attention too much. Charlie looked pleased to see us, and I smiled at him softly as I got down from Edward's arms, to return the sentiment.

I could hear the sound of Billy's wheelchair as he came through from the living room, and Edward seemed to tense up even more as he also caught the sound. I stood on his right, and he quickly took my hand and pulled me slightly behind his body, as if he was shielding me.

"Actually Charlie, I think you'll find that Jake brought me." Billy rolled himself into the hallway, wearing a slightly too wide smile.

Jake walked in behind him and as soon as he saw me, he sent me a sunny, if rather embarrassed looking smile. "Hey Bella, long time no see."

"Hey Jake," I mumbled, all too aware of the glare coming from Edward towards both him and Billy.

_If looks could kill… most of Forks would be rubble…_

Billy met Edward's glare, and they stared at each other for a few seconds, until Billy's eyes suddenly widened in a look of complete shock.

"I was just going to get some drinks Bells, you want anything? Edward?" Charlie seemed blissfully unaware of the record breaking stare-down currently going on in the hall, and he looked at me and Edward questioningly.

I could feel Edward trembling in suppressed rage beside me, and I hurriedly answered for him, hoping that maybe Charlie could be out of earshot before whatever happened… happened.

"Can we both have a coffee Dad? Long flight..." I replied.

Edward dragged me further behind him as Charlie made his way into the kitchen, but I could still see his profile, and I was suddenly reminded of quite how terrifying he was capable of looking. His fiercely green eyes were flashing dangerously, and he seemed impossibly taller and broader in his fury. His face was contorted in rage, his jaw visibly trembling with repressed words.

"Jake, can you go out to the car and get Charlie's tackle for him, please?" Billy spoke in a low voice, and Jacob seemed to be well aware that he was being dismissed; he walked straight out of the front door without looking back.

"What are you doing here? What _right_ do you have to come here?" Edward hissed quietly and deliberately, the second Jacob left the house, obviously not wishing to attract Charlie's attention from the kitchen.

Billy ignored his question, as he slowly wheeled himself towards us, not stopping until his wheelchair was no more than an inch from Edward. Edward didn't back away, but he pulled my body entirely behind him now, holding me tightly against his back with an arm around my waist. Billy sat in silence, staring at Edward closely for a few moments. His eyes ran up and down his body quickly, before he focused on his face, seeming to study him.

"What magic is this?" Billy croaked, his voice seemingly stolen from him as he stared at Edward. His face was a picture of utter shock, and bewilderment, and _fear_. His hand suddenly shot out and grabbed Edward's tightly, holding him in a vice like grip for a second, before he dropped it again.

"How dare you put Bella and Charlie at risk like this! Why did you bring _them_ here?" Edward ignored Billy's question, and was now visibly shaking with pent up anger as his voice rose.

"To protect Bella and Charlie from you, Cullen. But I see that's no longer necessary," Billy glanced to me for a second, before focusing on Edward again. "What magic is this? I know what you are."

"What he was. Edward is as human as you or me now, Billy." I couldn't stand in silence any longer, I might not have known what the hell was going on, but I couldn't help but defend Edward.

There was silence for a second, until Billy barked out a short humourless laugh. "As human as you or me? I don't think so Bella. Do you honestly think that stolen magic can make him human again?" Billy focused on Edward, his eyes narrowing as he stared him in the eye. "You may be physically human now, but you're still a demon. Nothing can erase what you were."

"Get out." Edward whispered, and I felt his body flinch beneath mine as if he had been struck by Billy's words. I clung to his back, willing him not to believe what Billy was saying.

"You still pose a risk to my friends, whatever dress up you may be playing now, Cullen. Being human isn't just about flesh and blood, it's about your soul, and yours is black and dead." Billy leant forward in his chair as he spoke, glaring at Edward with true loathing. I had grown up with Billy, he was a good man who I trusted, but as he spewed spite at my love, everything I had ever felt for him turned to hatred.

"I said, get out!" Edward suddenly snarled at Billy, looming over him in his wheelchair as I tried to hold him back. "And take your _mutts _with you. The treaty now extends Cullen land to here. I. Live. _Here."_

"You have no authority to amend the treaty… boy."

"No, but I do." I almost leapt out of my skin when I heard Carlisle's voice from the front door. "I have been meaning to inform you about the change in Edward's circumstances Billy, I have been remiss in that, I apologise. But your current actions are troubling."

Carlisle walked into the hallway slowly. I could see Alice behind him, but she stayed in the doorway as he entered.

"I believed my friend to be at risk. The treaty allows you to live in your home, not anywhere else in Forks; we are here to remind you of that fact." Even with Carlisle and Alice now present, Billy gave no sign of being afraid of them, and part of me couldn't help but admire the regal way he carried himself in front of them.

"This is neither the time nor the place for this conversation. Charlie will be back in a minute." Carlisle said as he glanced at Edward, who immediately took a couple of steps away from Billy, moving me backwards with him.

The tension in the room was impenetrable. Edward would not allow me out from behind him, holding me rigidly against his back with an arm wrapped behind him around my waist. Alice still seemed to be blindly searching, her expression deeply worried, and Carlisle looked angrier than I ever remembered seeing him before. Billy however still seemed relaxed, not at all afraid of being in the presence of two furious vampires and… Edward. I wasn't sure whether he was brave or a fool, as the anger being radiated towards him was a palpable force in the room.

We were all silent for a moment, and I could hear Charlie in the kitchen, the clinking sound of a teaspoon stirring a mug of coffee telling me that he would be back any second.

"Can I suggest we meet tonight, at the usual place, at midnight? I would agree with Edward that boundaries need to be redrawn, especially now." Carlisle looked between Billy and Edward as he spoke, both of whom gave a curt nod. "But for now, I think it may be sensible for all of us to leave here, before things escalate any further."

"Does that include him?" Billy nodded in Edward's direction as he spoke.

"I _live here._" Edward countered, frustration creeping into his voice.

"We'll have to discuss it this evening. Charlie's coming. Billy, please be clear about this, we will not be leaving the immediate area until all of you have left. We will not leave Edward or Bella at any risk from your people." At this, Carlisle and Alice vanished, just as Charlie opened the kitchen door, carrying a tray with coffees and beers.

"Still out here?" He paused, obviously now picking up on the tense atmosphere between us all.

"Actually Dad, Edward and I are both really tired. I think we might go and have a bit of a nap." I tried to move away from Edward as I spoke to Charlie, but he still had his arm clamped around my waist as if his life depended on it.

"Ok kid, I know how you are with planes an' all. By the way, Alice sorted your room out." Edward had started to move us towards the stairs, but I stopped walking at Charlie's words.

"What?"

"Alice, she said you'd asked her to do a bit of redecorating. I left her to it, pretty much. Do you want to take your coffee with you?"

"Sure. Thanks Dad." I finally broke free of Edward, only for him to scoop me up into his arms again. Before I could say anything, he gave me a small smile.

"Doctor's orders Bella."

I frowned, but didn't argue. I took our cups of coffee from Charlie, and held one in each hand as Edward carried me up the stairs, simply waiting to find out what the _hell _was going on.

**Edward**

Wolves! Goddamned, fucking enormous, _wolves_!

As soon as Charlie mentioned Billy had come to visit I searched his mind, wondering why he was here, certain that it was undoubtedly with regard to my presence. I saw them in Billy's mind as soon as I did, along with his fears for Bella and her father and the threat I must surely pose to them. They weren't just any wolves even, they were _young _wolves. One had only phased for the first time a matter of weeks ago, and now they were in the woods, no more than a few hundred yards away from us.

_From Bella_.

I stood in the hallway for a minute, simply panicking. The adrenaline crashing through my veins almost paralyzing me in its intensity, and a sheen of sweat sprang up across my whole body within seconds. _Wolves. _

I had been with Carlisle the last time we had met the wolves, and I knew for a fact that they were unpredictable, violent, and _dangerous. _And the only one here capable of even defending themselves from such vile and volatile creatures was Alice. What would happen if they lost control? My only thought in that moment was getting us all away from them, my predominant fear for Bella, but also for myself, and even Alice, who would be unlikely to be a match for the two wolves outside alone.

Up until that moment, I had not been aware that the tribe still had the ability to shape shift. We had met with Billy Black when we returned to Forks, and re-affirmed the treaty between us and their people, but at the time there had been no sign of any wolves amongst the Quileute. Carlisle had suggested that maybe the gene had run its course, but now, here they were. Once I had seen them in Billy's mind I searched the outside, and I could hear vague tremors of thoughts of something clearly other, of men in the shape of wolves.

I made myself go back out to the car at a slower pace than I really wanted to, not wanting to alert them to the fact I was onto them. My only thought; the immediate need to get Bella away from here and somewhere safe as soon as possible. It was the only acceptable option that I was presented with; I would not allow her to be near such hazardous creatures.

However, my sensible and straightforward intentions were thwarted by Bella's sheer obstinacy; for some reason her first thought when I told her we needed to leave, was to leap out of the goddamned car. Maybe she wanted to go and pet the dogs, I don't know, but her refusal to ever even _help _me to keep her safe almost drove me insane in that moment.

_How am I supposed to take care of her if she won't fucking help me?_

_Calm down!_

I somehow managed to resist the urge to yell at her, and I was about to physically _throw_ her into the goddamned, mother-fucking car, when Charlie arrived, and dragged her inside, while the entire contents of my stomach lurched about 50 feet sideways. I told Alice to call Carlisle immediately, if this wasn't breaking the treaty I don't know what the hell is, before I leapt out of the car and ran back to Bella, reaching her just before she went into the house.

The confrontation with Billy was ugly. I could sense Bella's frustration beside me but, thank God, she didn't try and understand what the problem was at the time, but simply stood fearlessly by my side. When Billy realised that I was no longer a vampire, his thoughts became a jumbled mess, for a second he even contemplated calling the wolves themselves into the house he was so afraid of me… which I felt was a little ironic.

His mind moved at a mile a minute as he tried to work out what had happened to me. I had almost been impressed by this man; he was far more intelligent than many might give him credit for, as his thoughts tumbled through scenarios at a remarkable pace.

Suddenly, in his mind I saw the creature I had fed from that had led me to change, and his thoughts stalled. He was filled with horror as it dawned on him what had happened, and suddenly he was afraid of me again, a sudden urge to get away from my presence, obvious in his mind.

Thank God that Carlisle arrived so quickly. He had obviously set off from home within seconds of me leaving Alice. Before he departed again he mentally told me that some of the others were with him, and that they would all stay nearby until the danger had passed. I allowed myself to relax slightly at this, but still the fact remained that we were surrounded by creatures who hated me and my family, and I was no longer even in a position to defend myself against them.

As I carried Bella upstairs, she was quiet, staring down into the cups of coffee that she was holding and I was trying, somewhat unsuccessfully, not to spill. I put her down outside our room, taking the drinks from her as she opened the door, and putting them down on the shelf just inside.

"Edward wha…" She stopped speaking as we walked into the room, which was now virtually unrecognizable. "What the hell happened in here?" she shrieked, as she spun around in a full circle. This time I caught her before she fell.

"Um…" I had asked Alice to arrange for a new bed to be installed during our absence, as Bella and I had discussed, but I may have also told her to spruce up some other things in the room. "I asked Alice to sort out the bed while we were away… _surprise_…" The look on Bella's face had caused my voice to drop into a quiet and nervous sound.

"My stuff! Where's all my stuff?" Bella started rummaging through the drawers in her new bedside table, before moving on to her desk. Her posture seemed to relax as she found that her belongings were all still present and correct, and after a moment she turned back to face me, her expression irritated. "What was wrong with my stuff?"

I looked around the room, and I had to admit I shared some of Bella's aggravation. During our vacation, I had asked Alice to purchase us a new, larger, bed, and to upgrade Bella's computer, as the one time I had tried to use her old one, I'd had to battle the urge to lug it to the window and put it out of its misery. I had thought it would be a nice surprise for Bella, and I had also thought that maybe by getting Alice to buy our new bed, Charlie would be less perturbed by the double working its way into his daughter's bedroom. I had to concede, Alice had chosen that well, it was simple and not "romantic" in any way…

But Alice had clearly gotten a little carried away elsewhere. Bella's old and mismatched bedroom furniture had all been replaced with elegant white painted wooden furniture, with small carved pillars down each side of each piece. There was now a large twin wardrobe, two bedside tables, a desk containing a top of the range laptop, and a double breasted chest of drawers. I wasn't sure how Alice had managed to fit so much furniture into such a small room, but she had done it admirably, without making it feel crowded in the least.

As well as upgrading the furniture, there was a new cream carpet on the floor, and the walls were painted a soft, fresh shade of gold, in a colour scheme very reminiscent of my old room.

The only thing of Bella's that remained was her rocking chair, for which I was relieved, as that held many precious memories for me. I could still remember her telling me she loved me for the first time as we sat in that chair, and if I had my way, it would follow us wherever we went in the future.

"I'm sorry love." I went and put my arms around Bella, who still looked as if she didn't know whether to laugh or cry. "I asked Alice to do the bed, as I thought it might be easier on your father that way. And I'll confess I asked her to buy us a new computer, as your old one was getting to the stage that it would have thrown _itself_ out of the window if only it could. But she's obviously gotten a bit… overexcited."

Bella huffed for a minute, and turned around again more slowly, studying everything in the room carefully. I couldn't read her face at all as she did, and I could feel the tension in my stomach as I waited for her verdict.

"It will have made Alice extraordinarily happy to do this for us Bella." I couldn't help myself, she still hadn't said anything after a couple of minutes, and I really didn't want this to become an issue, right now, we had bigger fish to fry.

She sighed and sat down on the bed. "I know. And it's beautiful. I… I'm trying to find it in me to be pissed. I really feel like I should be pissed about this." She looked up at me and smiled. "But I'm not, I guess it's for you too, isn't it?"

"Yes, it's for me too." I smiled as relief flooded my mind. As long as things were for my benefit also, Bella seemed to be able to accept them much more graciously; a fact that I had been using to my advantage ever since I had discovered it.

"I like the bed." Bella wriggled her bottom into the thick duvet she was sitting on, and then wriggled her eyebrows at me suggestively.

"I thought we could do with a little more space."

_Just don't go there Cullen, you have a bigger audience than House MD gets, in the vicinity at the moment._

"Oh yeah?" Bella had either forgotten about the company in the house, or was simply teasing me as she lay back on the bed and stretched out seductively.

"Bella…"

"Kidding!" She jumped off the bed and went to look out of the window, peering into the Twilight for a few seconds before turning her back to it. "Are they still out there?"

"Carlisle said he would stay until Billy and his entourage had left. It looked like some of the others were with him too. I can't hear their thoughts though; they must be too far away."

"Ok Edward," I could see the momentary distraction of Alice's efforts had passed, and Bella wanted answers. "What's going on? Why the panic over Billy being here?"

How do I even begin to go about this? Bella had always accepted the supernatural better than anyone else, and it seemed somehow fair that the friend who revealed my secret to her should now have his revealed by me. But would this count as breaching the treaty? After a moment's contemplation I decided that, no, it would not. I already considered Bella a Cullen in all but name, as I was certain my family did also, and as such she was entitled to understand everything about the treaty.

"What did Jacob tell you exactly, when he told you what we were?" I decided that maybe letting Bella work some of this out for herself would be less shocking for her. That had worked once before, after all.

"About the cold ones?" She frowned at me, clearly not seeing the relevance of the conversation.

"No, about his people, and their interactions with us. Vampires, I should say."

"He said that his people are descended from wolves, that it was still not allowed for anyone in the tribe to ever harm a wolf." A tiny line appeared between her eyes as she remembered her conversation these six months ago, and I stepped forward to smooth it out with my finger.

"Anything else?" I was certain that the pup would have mentioned the shape shifters, if only for the fact that he so enjoyed telling her the other supernatural part of the story.

"He said that some of the men were once able turn to into wolves, that it was their job to protect the tribe from the cold ones."

"Ah." I nodded as Bella watched me, her eyes narrowing.

"You mean… You said 'mutts' earlier when you were talking to Billy?"

"When we first lived here, seventy years or so ago, some of the tribe were able to turn themselves into wolves. They thought of themselves as werewolves, but they weren't, they were shape shifters, able to phase back and forth between wolf and man at will. Ephraim Black, the Chief of the tribe and Billy's grandfather, or maybe great grandfather, I'm not sure, was the Alpha, the head of the pack.

"When we first came back to Forks, Carlisle and I met with some of the Quileute, to reaffirm the treaty as such, but at the time there was no sign of any wolves in their midst."

As I spoke Bella had leant back, sitting down on the windowsill of the open window heavily, in a way that made me nervous. I took her hand and led her to sit back down on the bed, before I sat beside her and continued.

"Today when we came home, and I realized that Billy was waiting for us, I searched his thoughts to understand his reasons for coming here, and I saw two wolves in his mind; a new pack as it were." I stopped, waiting to see how Bella would react to this news, her expression beginning to show that she understood what I was saying.

"Edward… is that why you were so freaked out? Are they dangerous?" Bella looked uncharacteristically worried as she asked this, and I squeezed her hand in mine to reassure her.

"They claim not to be, the wolves call themselves protectors, and they are made to protect humans from vampires. They are very strong, one of the few things that is actually capable of harming a vampire. But, they are also very unstable creatures, ruled by their emotions, volatile and with short tempers. People around these creatures tend to get hurt. Added to that, the two wolves I heard outside today are very young, they are only just learning what they are, and that makes them even more dangerous."

"Oh my God." Bella turned white, her usual pale colour turning to a sick chalky hue, and I wrapped my hand around her cheek, concerned for a few seconds that she was about to faint.

"It's ok Bella, I _swear to you_ that I won't let any harm come to you, please don't worry my love, please." I pulled her into my arms as a single tear trailed down her cheek; she twisted her arms around me in return, clinging so tightly around my chest for a second that I almost struggled to breathe.

"To me? _To me?_" Her voice carried an edge of hysteria, and I pulled back to look into her eyes, kicking myself mentally for frightening her. "You're telling me that these… _things_ can kill a vampire, and at the same time I just saw the hatred Billy feels for you downstairs. And you're worried about _me_?"

I wasn't quite sure what to say to that. I had buried my feelings on Billy's reaction towards me, deep under the anger I was currently feeling at the wolves still in the forest behind us, but at Bella's words they bubbled back up to the surface.

_Being human isn't just about flesh and blood._

_It's about your soul._

_Yours is black and dead._

Before I could allow myself to think about it anymore, we suddenly heard Charlie calling up to us from downstairs.

"Bells, you awake?" Charlie called, I expected that he was unwilling to come upstairs directly to check on us.

"Yeah Dad, just about." The slight break in her voice would have added to the appearance of her being tired, but the tear that rolled down her face as she called out to him was all I could see. I couldn't stop myself from kissing it away, hating myself for causing her such fear.

"We're going down to the Clearwater's for dinner instead, as you're not feeling up to it. I won't be too late." Charlie yelled as I heard the front door open. I heaved a sigh of relief, aware that his departure would also signal that of the wolves.

"Ok Dad, see you later." Bella called back, relief also evident on her face as she hissed to me, "That means the wolves will go too, yeah?"

"Yes, they will follow their Chief," I agreed. I stood and walked to the window, and watched as Charlie and Jacob helped Billy into his car, before they drove away, with Charlie following behind in his police cruiser.

As they left, I felt Bella slip her hand into mine, and pull me away from the window, back towards the bed.

Just as we reached the edge of the bed she surprised me, when she suddenly wrapped her arms tight around my waist and shoved me downwards, so we landed flat out on the bed, with her on top of me.

"Edward, you have to promise me to stay away from this. It's not up to you anymore." Her dark eyes bore down at me, willing me to agree to her request, one that I wished I could adhere to, but knew I could not.

"Bella… when Carlisle goes to see Billy tonight, I will have to go too. He needs to understand if their thoughts are genuine. They don't know about my gift, so they will not be guarding their minds; I have to know if they are concealing anything from us." As I spoke, Bella's mouth pursed, until it was set in determination.

"No. Don't you see Edward? You aren't part of the 'us' anymore, and if these things are dangerous, I'm not going to let you go." Her eyes flashed as she spoke, seeming to almost dare me to argue with her.

I hesitated for a moment, trying to decide what I wanted to say. The hypocrisy of being annoyed with Bella's attitude struck me immediately, causing my instinctive urge to argue against her telling me what to do wilt, before it had any chance to flourish. And a large part of me recognised that maybe it wasn't up to me to deal with the wolves myself anymore. But my loyalty to Carlisle was unflinching, and this problem was directly related to me, so I felt fairly sure that I would need to be involved.

"I think it may be necessary… just this once," I added as her glare grew in intensity. "We need to settle the issue to ensure that we are safe here. I have to be sure you're safe Bella."

"Edward, no, _please_. Do you know what it would do to me, if anything happened to you? Do you have any idea how scary it is for me, knowing that something could actually hurt you now?" Her eyes were beseeching me to stay, and my heart broke a little at the fact I would not be able to do as she asked.

"I think I may have some idea… but I'll be with the rest of my family. I'll be safe. I promise." I stroked Bella's hair as she buried her face into my neck, where I felt more hot tears fall. I again chastised myself for so thoroughly terrifying her, but at the same time, I knew that she needed to understand what a risk the wolves could pose.

Suddenly I felt her lips on my neck, and then my ear, as she trailed her mouth upwards. Quickly her lips were on mine, and our mouths opened in a passionate and needy kiss. All the fear we felt for each other, burning its way through us, tethering us together in our shared apprehension. I clung to her tightly, running my hands over her back until I reached her waist, and bound her to me, never wanting to let her go.

Just as suddenly she pulled away again, her eyes searching for mine, as both of her hands stroked each side of my face tenderly.

"I love you so much Edward. Please, please don't go." There were still tears in her eyes, and I couldn't bear to hear her beg me.

"Bella, you are my life, and it's because of that, that I have to."

She sank back into my arms, and I felt fresh tears wetting my shirt. I had never considered that Bella would feel afraid for my welfare now. I mentally kicked myself again for my selfishness.-

_My metaphorical legs are black and blue tonight; could I have handled this any worse?_

As I held her, I remembered one other thing that I had to say. I had noticed her friend Jacob's too friendly smile as we met in the hallway earlier, and his thoughts had been warm towards Bella. I didn't feel any jealousy towards the young pup, his affections were too kind and innocent to incite that kind of thing, but the fact that he was a descendant of Ephraim Black made him a very obvious candidate to become a wolf himself in the future.

"Bella, are you good friends with Jacob?" I had to ask her what she may be giving up first; I felt sad that I might be taking a friendship from her with my next words.

"Not really, I see him sometimes because of Billy. He's a nice boy, always cheerful." She smiled a little at the thought of him, and I knew that I couldn't allow her to be ignorant of what he would most likely become.

"I hate to ask this of you, but please do not allow yourself to become any closer to him. He's directly descended from Ephraim Black… it is likely that he will also become a wolf when he comes of age." I stopped speaking as Bella's eyebrows lifted suddenly into her hair.

"Does he know?" she whispered, her eyes still betraying her surprise.

"No. The secret is kept from everyone, even those in the tribe who may one day carry its burden. But Billy is waiting for it to happen" Bella's face softened at my words.

"Poor Jake." Her sorrow for the boy touched my heart. Her compassionate nature was just one of the many things I loved about her. I pulled her closer to my chest, trying to chase away the fears I had just given her.

"Are you guys going to keep being all emo, or can we come up now?" I jumped as I heard Alice's voice calling up from below the window, which Bella habitually opened these days as soon as she entered the room.

Bella quickly shuffled off of me, and I could see a pink blush spreading across her cheeks as she hurried to the window. I stood up as well, to greet whoever was coming in.

"Come up, we're giving up the emo for now, Alice." Bella whispered, and then stepped back with an embarrassed smirk.

I watched as Alice emerged from the window, but then couldn't stifle a small chuckle at seeing Carlisle also clamber in behind her. My surprise was only increased however as Esme appeared behind him, her soft, loving features breaking into a warm smile as soon as she saw me.

_Mom._

I couldn't help myself; as soon as I saw Esme I hurried towards her, and wrapped my arms around her small frame. The cold, stone-like feel of her was unlike the soft, warm woman I was used to, but I had missed the closest thing I had to a mother so badly these last weeks.

"Edward." She murmured as I buried my face in her hair, blinking back the tears I suddenly found in my eyes.

"Esme. I missed you."

"I missed you too." She stroked my hair as we hugged for a few moments, and when I looked up I saw Carlisle smiling broadly at us.

I stepped away from her, and looked at all of them as they greeted Bella, Esme hugging her close also, as soon as I had let her go. She whispered something into Bella's ear that made her smile, and I guessed that it was about me.

I looked between them once the greetings were over, and rather than being surprised to find them all in Bella's room, our room, I wondered where the others were.

"Jasper's here." Alice piped up, I had heard her see me ask my question before I'd actually had the chance to ask it, which is just as confusing as it sounds, thank you very much. "He's still in the forest, standing guard, he doesn't trust the wolves." _And he doesn't want to overwhelm you._

Alice hadn't needed to spell out, even in her thoughts, why Jasper wasn't up here with her. I knew better than anyone how much Jasper struggled with the thirst, and I was afraid of being around him with Bella, even now.

"Emmett and Rosalie haven't been home in over a week." Esme added. "I think they're hunting something special." She raised her eyebrows and gave a wry smile.

Bella stepped back to my side casually and took my hand, but I knew this woman too well by now, and I could see the determination in her eyes as she waited for Carlisle to speak.

"The wolves left when Billy, Jacob and Charlie did." Carlisle looked between us as he spoke, and I could hear in his thoughts the relief he felt that things had not come to a confrontation tonight.

"Was there any trouble between you?" I couldn't help but ask, I had been furious at the wolves' presence, but I recognised that Bella and I were actually much safer around them than my family was now.

"No, we kept to one side of the road, they the other." _Without you or Emmett with us, I wanted as much space as possible. _

"Carlisle, what's going to happen tonight?" Bella cut in, and I felt my lips twitch upwards at her businesslike tone.

"We will meet, there is a spot on the treaty line where we have held such meetings before. I will ask Billy to accept that Cullen land now includes this house, and the strip of forest that links it to our land. Currently we are in neutral territory."

"And if he doesn't agree?" Bella replied, holding Carlisle's gaze unflinchingly.

He paused for a moment and looked at me. _You know the terms of the treaty Edward, this may be neutral territory, but…_

He didn't complete his thought. I knew there was a chance that Billy could insist that I had to move back onto Cullen land. As this exchange happened between us, I could feel Bella's eyes on me. Anger began to boil in me again that the Quileutes may try to interfere in my life in such a way, when she surprised me again.

"If he doesn't agree, it doesn't matter. This isn't neutral territory, this is _Swan _territory. Charlie and I say Edward is welcome here, so that's all there is to it." She shrugged her shoulders, as if things really could be as simple as that. I couldn't help the soft smile that broke out across my face, and as I looked up I saw a version of it on each of my family's faces as well.

"Bella, love, it's not really as simple as that." I looked at Carlisle, who appeared thoughtful as I spoke, his thoughts almost sounding optimistic.

"Why not? What do they hold over you, that we don't hold over them in return?" Bella rounded on me, not angry as such, more determined to prevent my leaving the house tonight.

"Bella, they could out us, reveal our secret… that's a very bad thing for my family, for more than one reason." I had never spoken to her of the Volturi, and now I hoped I would never have to. She would never have to know the fear associated with the demons who ruled the vampires of the world.

"And I could reveal their secret. I'm sure they have no great urge to be on CNN anytime soon, either. It's not even like you really told me what they are, _Jacob _did, a long time ago at that." Her logic was irrefutable, and I turned to Alice to see if she could see whether it would be successful. I was surprised when she shrugged her shoulders at me.

"I'm sorry Edward, I really don't know." Alice shrugged again, an expression of intense irritation crossing her face. "While the wolves were here, I couldn't see anything, and now I realize that I can't see anything involving them either. Maybe all that fur causes static on the line." Her nose wrinkled as she spoke, and I could see how genuinely upset she was by this turn of events. I could only imagine that for her, it must the equivalent of me losing my vision. She was so reliant on her ability to see the future.

The implications of this ran through my mind for a moment, it seemed to only increase the risk that these wolves posed to us, as we would be unable to foresee any of our meetings with them.

"We will meet them this evening, and try to come to an amicable conclusion." Carlisle finally said, after each of us had spent a moment considering Alice's words. "I would rather not have to take you up on your suggestion Bella, but this is related more to you and Edward in this case, so perhaps if it comes to it, we can make use of the fact that you know Billy personally, and that you are aware of all of our situations, vampire and wolf."

"What time are we leaving?" I asked him, feeling a sudden dread at the thought of being in the proximity to the wolves begin to burn in my veins.

"The meeting will be at midnight as agreed Edward." Carlisle seemed to pause for a second and really looked at me, his features softening slightly. "You will not be coming with us, though."

I opened my mouth to speak, but Carlisle held up a hand asking for my patience. I unwillingly nodded for him to continue.

"If you attend this meeting with us Edward, you ally yourself with us still, and that is no longer the case. You are human now; you should not be standing shoulder to shoulder with us during this negotiation."

"But it's about me!" I could feel irrational anger bubbling up inside of me, as my temper frayed at the feeling of being treated like a child. "And how will you know if they are speaking the truth, without me there?" _Ha, argue your way out of that one!_

"Jasper will be there, he should be able to sense if their emotions do not match up to their words. Honestly Edward, this meeting is for us to convince the tribe that you no longer pose any kind of threat. The very least helpful way we can do that is to include you in the meeting, as if nothing has changed." Carlisle argued, and as he spoke, it dawned on me that he might be right.

"I don't feel right about sending you to fight my battles for me." I could hear the pique in my own voice, but it was not sincere, as in my mind I had already conceded.

"Let us do this for you Edward." My eyes shifted to Esme as she spoke, and I could not deny her need to help me, which shone in her features. "Let us help you live _your life._"

I scraped my hand across my face, and I felt Bella suddenly squeeze my other hand. I looked at her, and saw, finally, why I had to agree.

I took a deep breath and sighed before I spoke. "Very well. Thank you."

"Good. We'll speak to you tomorrow to let you know where we stand, but I'm sure that we can sort this out." _Really Edward, don't worry. Let us help you. Please._

At Carlisle's thoughts, I let go of the last of my irritation, and nodded. I could see how glad he was of the chance to help me, and in a way it felt nice that he so very clearly wanted to.

"Meanwhile, we need to leave here. It won't do my reputation as a respected doctor a lot of good, to be seen crawling in and out of bedroom windows at night…" His lips twitched into a smile as he glanced at Esme who… batted her eyelashes at him and smirked.

_Ewwww. No one needs to hear their parents thoughts go down that route. I have not missed this in the slightest._

I pinched my nose between my thumb and forefinger, and closed my eyes as I groaned. "I'm still able to hear your thoughts you know… you're not doing my mental wellbeing a lot of good here."

I looked up to find even Bella looking at me like I was being ridiculous, and I simply shook my head to rid myself of the image, as Carlisle and Esme slipped out of the window, leaving only Alice behind.

"Do you like what I did?" Alice started to show us each of the improvements she had made to Bella's room, explaining where she got the ideas, and where she bought the item she was talking about. Bella made the occasional noise that made it sound like she was actually listening, but I made my way to the window and looked out of it instead, taking the time to process what Billy had said to me earlier.

I hadn't really considered whether or not my soul had been restored to me at the same time as my humanity, but as I thought about it for the first time, it occurred to me that maybe I was really not much better off than I had been before. If actions are what makes the man, did my new flesh and blood really make any difference? I was still the same person who had killed hundreds of times, was I actually no more than a vampire made flesh? Still the monster I had been, only now unable to protect the ones I loved from the consequences of my existence?

I had felt no real mental alteration from the change back from vampire to human. No sudden greater understanding, or capacity for good, that I might have expected were my soul returned to me. Should I be able to feel it? Wouldn't I feel different if my soul had been restored to me too?

I looked towards my Bella, and smiled for a moment as she suppressed a yawn, as Alice told her the intricate details regarding our new wardrobe. My capacity for loving her seemed to have only grown since my change. Despite the intensity of vampire emotions, our physical connection had only seemed to join us more fully, and I felt connected to her now on a level I never had before. Could I even love like this without my soul? Was that even possible?

_Or am I living a lie?_

The one thing these two weeks had taught me was how precious life really was, the capacity to live, to change, to be altered by the experiences of living. The importance of that was not lost on me, I could feel myself changing every day, and I had no desire to go back to the half life I once lived. But I was suddenly unsure of how to reconcile moving forwards, with what I had once been.

The human mind is indeed a wonderful thing. It protects itself from the things it knows it cannot survive, so much better than the severe emotional clarity of the vampire. I felt my attention wander from my darkest thoughts as I watched Bella again. The love of my _life._ Whatever I was, I was hers, and I only hoped and prayed that I could be what she needed.

Alice left a little later, sensing that we were both tired from the travelling and other upheavals of the day. We ate a quick dinner, before retiring to bed, at a very early time, but too tired to try to stay up anymore.

We made love that night before sleep, and it was soft and quiet. I reveled in her body and our release, allowing this most human of times to bury my fears for the night, even though, all the while I was sorrowfully certain that they would return to me in my dreams.

I held her tight to me that night, our usual embrace, with her resting on my chest, not enough for me as I digested the fears that had attacked me over the last twenty-four hours. We lay side by side, facing each other, with our arms and legs wrapped around each other so tightly that I felt completely surrounded by her.

"Edward?" Bella whispered, just as I had thought she was drifting off to sleep. Her mouth was almost touching my ear, and I felt her breath on me as she spoke.

"Yes my love?"

"Did you notice, you didn't seem to get scared at all around Carlisle this evening?" I smiled, hearing from her voice that she was actually nearly asleep.

"You're right. I hadn't noticed." I kissed her as I spoke, before I softly whispered into her ear. "Sleep my Bella. Sleep and dream only good dreams."

"I think he was pleased." Almost as soon as the words were out I noticed her breathing change as she fell asleep in my arms, held so tightly to me that I could feel every curve of her body against mine.

"Yes. Yes, I think he was."

I fell asleep soon after, frightened that tonight my dreams would be filled with wolves and vampires battling over my fate, with me helpless to stop them. But they weren't. That night was the first night I dreamt of nothing but Bella, my nightmares forgotten for once, as my mind hid in the safest place it knew.

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**A/N – First order of business: Thank you so much to all who review, I have to say it cos I mean it, every review makes my day, and every time you press the green button you help me write a little bit faster!**

**After a small contra-temps with my beta (sort of ;)) I would like to confirm that Forks itself is neutral territory in the treaty, see Eclipse Ch6 "Switzerland". Just in case you were wondering. **

**I apologise that things are going get tough during parts of the following few chapters – but it had to happen. If you wondered where my usual wittering was at the end of the last chapter, I wanted my parting words to you last week to be Edward's, not mine. He might be learning how to be human physically pretty well by now, but he's got plenty of other stuff to get his head round yet.**

**Recommendations wise this week I have 2 for you, to make up for last week:**

"**The University of Edward Masen" – dark, brooding Edward is college professor to Bella's student. Dante comes up a lot too, which you don't often see in fanfiction…**

"**The Blessing and the Curse." – love it, makes me feel completely inadequate every time I read it.**

**Both in my favourites if you fancy a look.**

**Press the green button! Edward is desperate for you to, I've promised him a lemon in the next chapter, and he's getting impatient.**

**Til next time,**

**Ria**


	19. Desperate Times

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight! I lost 3lb this week though, so I'm feeling pretty chipper nonetheless.

Thanks, hugs and kisses to my lovely beta venomaddict, who got through this fast enough to save me from absolute update fail this week!

You will recognise some lines in this chapter directly from the Twilight saga, again, I don't own them, I just wanted Edward and Bella to say it in their own words (sort of).

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**Bella**

When I awoke on Friday morning, the bed beside me was cold. I was so used to waking up beside Edward that the alien feeling of waking alone jerked me to consciousness quickly, and I sat up in bed and looked around immediately. But there was no sign of him in our room.

I crept out of bed and stepped into the hallway, still in my pajamas. The house was silent, it was gone seven, and I knew that Charlie would be long gone by now. But that didn't explain where Edward was. The bathroom was open and empty, and I began to feel a twinge of nervousness in my stomach.

I wasn't naïve. I had felt Billy's words to Edward the night before, and I was afraid that he was brooding. After all, that was what he did best.

I tiptoed down the stairs, and from halfway down I could see Edward sitting in Charlie's chair, with his head in his hands. He was fully dressed, which made me think he had probably been up for a while, maybe even since Charlie left the house. His hair was an utter disaster, and as I watched he grasped it within his fists and tugged at it, his eyes not seeming to leave the floor as he did.

I continued to creep down the stairs, not even quite sure why, but I didn't want to alert him to my presence until I was right by him. I slipped into the living room, and as he looked up and realised I was there, I slid into his lap. I wrapped him up tightly in my arms, and I couldn't miss the dampness on his cheeks as he pressed his face into my shoulder.

We sat like that for a while, Edward gathering his thoughts as I stroked my hands through his hair soothingly. I didn't try and understand what he was feeling, I didn't want to analyze him, so I just waited it out, knowing that sooner or later he would tell me what he needed to.

"It's harder than it looks." Edward mumbled into my chest after a while. I had known he was trying to find where to start; he had taken several breaths which I had thought would turn into words already. "This being human thing, it's harder than it looks, but I'm getting there."

"You're doing so well, baby." I kissed the top of his head, waiting for the rest.

"Only because of you." He looked up and our lips met for a few moments in a soft kiss. "I thank God for you Bella."

I felt a slight blush creep across my cheeks at his words, but I didn't reject them. I had guessed what this was about, and I needed to know what Carlisle had said to him. "What happened at the meeting last night, Edward?"

"It was hairy." I couldn't help but snort at this, and Edward rolled his eyes at me as I giggled at his slip, even though I knew that any meeting between the Cullens and the wolves would not really be a laughing matter.

"Sorry, sorry. What happened?"

"They all went; Carlisle, Esme, Alice and Jasper. Carlisle tried to reason with Billy, but he was adamant that I had to return to the house. Jasper believes from his emotions that he's relieved to be separating me from you. He's afraid for you." He shook his head as my heart lurched in my chest.

"Billy's not vindictive Edward… he's just trying to think about what's best for me."

"Either way," Edward shrugged, "He has said if I don't move back home, they will no longer honour our secret." His eyes met mine again and I could see the torment in them. "That would be too dangerous for my family Bella; they would be forced to move on, maybe worse…"

"No." I would be damned if I would let this happen, and a rush of anger coursed through me. I would not be dictated to by a bunch of... hairballs.

"No?" The force of my reply seemed to surprise him.

"No. What else happened, you said it got hairy?" I couldn't help it when a smirk crossed my lips as I said it.

"Everyone got angry, the exchange was… heated. The wolves were in the forest and approached the meeting, Jasper said that the fear rolling off of them was unbearable, and fear often makes people do foolish things; they seemed to be preparing to attack. My family was left with no choice but to depart… quickly."

I felt all of the breath leave my body in a loud whoosh. No wonder Edward was so upset; his entire family had been threatened last night, over him. And there was nothing he could do about it. I clung to him tighter as I felt his body sag beneath mine and he gave a small sob.

"Carlisle is expecting me in a few hours. The cottage is nearly ready… I'll be fine. They can't stop us seeing each other… they just don't want me _living _here, sleeping here. Yesterday Billy didn't seem to trust… my humanity, he doesn't understand it, he almost seemed to not believe what he was seeing…" The look on his face told me that he would be anything but fine, and for that matter, neither would I. Alice was certain that Edward's change was permanent; surely this was something we could sort out with the Quileute?

"No. No Edward. I won't allow it!" I leapt off of his lap and headed towards the telephone in the kitchen. "I wasn't kidding last night. This is my house, well ok, Charlie's house, but I won't be told what to do."

Edward was by my side by the time I reached the phone, and he put his hand over it, to stop me from picking it up.

"You might make it worse Bella." Edward's face was contorted in worry, and I knew he was afraid for his family, as was I.

"No, I won't. Go… somewhere else Edward. Go upstairs if you don't want to hear this." I tried to push his hand away, but he wouldn't let me, refusing to let me make the call I so desperately wanted to.

"Bella, you could make this so much worse, and I can't put my family at risk anymore because of me. I will go home, and then move into the cottage as soon as it's ready." He stood up straight as he spoke, but I could hear from the flat tone of his voice the despair he felt at this prospect.

"And what about the risk you might be at? You yourself have told me that there are… accidents occasionally. What happens the first time you cut yourself shaving?" He flinched as I said that, but I didn't regret it.

"I have an electric razor." Our eyes met as he spoke, and the tension broke slightly as both of us chuckled for a moment.

"That's not the point Edward. Last night was the first night you haven't woken up screaming. You've got nothing to do with the treaty anymore; you're human now, dammit!" Edward smiled at me softly as I spoke, and was shaking his head by the time I finished.

"Silly girl… I can cope with going back there now… I think. The cottage is nearly ready, Esme thinks I could even move in tonight it push came to shove… I just don't see how in the world I can leave you." He pulled me into his arms and we simply stood like that for a minute. In my mind I was still planning on what I was going to say to Billy, whatever Edward said, I had no intention of letting him go.

"Please Edward, let me try…"

"No. I can't put everyone I love at risk over this." He traced my jaw with his knuckle softly as he looked into my eyes. "If I'm here, the wolves have a reason to come here, and I don't want them near you."

"But, they're my father's oldest friends; you can't seriously think I'm at risk!" I pushed away from him in frustration and began to pace the kitchen. As I did it, I recognised that this was one of Edward's habits, and it simply made me even more agitated.

"I don't know Bella, but I don't want to risk it. Risk you. Risk Carlisle, and Esme and the rest of them. Just for me! _I won't do it!_" His voice rose as he spoke, and by the end of it he was almost shouting at me.

I swung around to face him, not even sure whether anger or sadness was my overriding emotion as I did. "Do you want to go? Is that it?"

"NO! Oh no! Oh how could you even… of course not… Of course not love." He almost ran to me and grabbed me into his arms, clutching me to his chest.

Before I could say a word, his lips crashed against mine, and he wound his arms around me firmly, holding our bodies together as we attacked each other's mouths. He thrust his tongue against mine, before sucking and biting at my bottom lip, all of his anxiety coming out as he kissed me roughly. I could feel him bruising my lips, but I was glad, the pain meant that he was _here._ Finally we broke apart, both gasping for breath, and he buried his face in my shoulder, shaking his head.

"This is just… impossible. The wolves almost lost control completely last night, I'm not sure if it's safe for me to remain here, with you. I don't want them anywhere near you." His voice was muffled by my skin, but I could hear his pain in it.

"And I don't want them anywhere near you, Edward." I squeezed him closer to me, and wrapped one leg around his thigh for good measure. I felt like I couldn't get close enough to him. The events since our return home had been difficult, and I knew that Edward would be worrying about everybody right now, apart from himself. "The thought of you not being here… it _destroys_ me. Let alone you being in any kind of danger. If anything happened to you…" My breathing hitched and I realised I was crying, hot tears cascading down my face.

"Shhh, Bella, I'm here, I'm here…" He started kissing my neck softly mumbling soothing words in my ear as he nipped at it and kissed the tender skin behind it.

"I know… I know… you can't go Edward… I couldn't survive not knowing if you were safe… not even for a few hours. It would kill me." I let out a sob, and the tears only came harder, making my words become more and more fragmented. "Please don't leave me… the thought of you… hurt… or alone… and afraid… I can't… I can't… please." I let out another enormous sob, my whole body shaking in his arms as the terror I felt for him overwhelmed me for a few moments. I couldn't bear to see him go back into the dark world he used to inhabit - the very idea of it left me feeling almost unhinged.

"Bella… sweetheart… I'm not going anywhere… I love you so much... please, please don't cry." Edward was still kissing me, his lips trailing up and down my jaw as he tried to soothe me, stopping at the corner of my mouth and retreating again and again.

My sobs slowed, though my tears continued to fall. I touched his face, and guided his lips to mine gently; needing him to ground me, to prove to me he was still there. Our mouths opened immediately, and the kiss quickly became heated as our tongues fought for dominance.

Edward fisted his hand in my hair and forced me closer to him, tipping my face to one side as we kissed frantically. Slowly he pushed me backwards a few feet until I was crushed between him and the kitchen wall, he lifted me up by my butt and the leg I already had wrapped around him, and wrapped my legs around his waist.

"Bella… Bella… God… I can't be away from you." He mumbled into my mouth as we continued to frantically kiss. We were both gasping for breath around each other, as our hands roamed the other's bodies madly. I held him to me as tightly as I could, but whatever I did I couldn't seem to get close enough.

I fisted his T shirt in my hands, and dragged it up his body as fast as I could. I grasped at the bare skin I had revealed in my desperation, overcome by my need to consume him in that moment. I scraped my fingernails up and down his sides, hard enough that I knew I had to be hurting him, but I didn't care. I just needed to touch him, to possess him; I wanted to bind myself to him so no one could ever tear us apart.

Edward moved me slightly, and I could feel his hardness suddenly against my centre. He leant his hips against me, supporting me there enough to try and remove my shirt. He struggled for a moment, until he just ripped it clean down the middle, exposing me to him.

His hands both came up to my breasts and squeezed them almost roughly as he began to thrust his hips against mine. I moaned at the sensation, my mouth moving across the skin of his chest as I licked and nipped at his skin. I reached his nipple and bit down hard, and he groaned. I could feel his shaft rubbing me frantically through his jeans, and I reached down and rubbed him through the material.

"Don't go Edward… please don't go…" I murmured. We were panting hard as we both kissed and rubbed and thrust ourselves against each other, almost as if we were trying to devour each other. The sounds we were making filled the kitchen, but it still wasn't enough.

Suddenly Edward dropped me to my feet, and fell to his knees in front of me. He yanked down my pajama bottoms, and in an instant he had lifted me up again, resting my thighs on his shoulders as he began to thrust his tongue inside of me.

"Edward… oh God…" I moaned as his tongue moved to my clit, swiping back and forth quickly as his fingers found my entrance.

He groaned against my body as he slipped his fingers into me, the vibrations rocketing through me. I wrapped my thighs loosely around his head, dragging him closer to me as I leant back against the wall, and he continued to drive me insane. The feel of his mouth on my body was overpowering, and I ran my hands into his hair as I felt my orgasm begin to rush towards me.

"Please… nnnh… Oh." My head began to thrash from side to side, almost involuntarily, as I focused on what he was doing to me.

I almost growled in frustration when he stopped, pulling me off of him and standing me back on my feet as he stood in front of me. He quickly undid his jeans and shoved them down his legs along with his boxers, letting loose his erection, which looked painfully hard.

He lifted me up again quickly, spreading my legs and wrapping them around his body once more, as he shoved my back harder against the wall.

"I need to be inside you when you come." He almost growled as he drove into me, thrusting until he completely filled me.

We both sighed with relief as he settled against me, the intense need to be closer easing as we just enjoyed the feeling of being connected for a few seconds. I put my hands around his neck and pulled him closer to me, encouraging him to move.

"Edward… baby… love me…"

I felt completely consumed as he began to thrust into me, driving me hard against the wall as I squeezed him closer and closer to me with my thighs. I slipped my arms further around his neck and dragged him to me, needing to feel his skin on mine, not content until I was touching all of him.

His movements were deep and needy, as he continued to run his hands over every piece of my skin that he could reach. He moaned and whispered in my ear as he moved, telling me he loved me over and over again like a mantra as we clung to each other. Gradually his thrusts sped, and the tone of his voice became more urgent again.

"Bella… Bella… I can't stop…" He kissed me again passionately, and I could feel him begin to tremble in my arms.

The familiar coil was building quickly in my body, and I pulled away from his lips as I began to gasp. I opened my mouth over his shoulder, tasting his skin and biting down hard as my body began to quake.

"_Edward!_" I cried out to him as my orgasm tore through me, and I felt him suddenly grow inside me as he threw his head back and yelled my name, his entire body shaking with the effort as his thrusts became more erratic, before slowing.

We rode out our pleasure together; our lips meeting again as we gasped and panted around each other as the urgency finally subsided.

Slowly Edward lowered me to the ground, and he slipped from my body, losing our connection. He leant up against me, still confining me against the wall, but I wrapped myself around him, holding him there, unable to let him go. We both struggled to get our breath back for a few moments, gasping for air as we stroked our faces against each other, our lips not quite meeting as we breathed each other in. His stubble felt sharp against my skin, but I didn't care, I wanted to be touching him forever. Time had lost all meaning as we stood there, and I groaned when he pulled away a fraction of an inch.

"Sorry love, are you ok? Did I hurt you?" His eyes were soft again, the urgent fire of a few moments ago now gone, as he worried about me again. I shook my head as I glanced down at his body.

"No, _I'm _fine." I ran my fingers over the red welts down his chest, where I had scratched my finger nails repeatedly a few minutes before. I could see bite marks on his shoulder and his nipple, and I touched them gently too. "I'm sorry. Look what I did." I was suddenly filled with remorse. I was so used to thinking of him as invulnerable that I hadn't really considered the harm I was inflicting on him.

He looked down, and to my surprise grinned. "At the time I was hardly complaining." He leant in and kissed me again, and then thrust his hips against mine, as if to punctuate his comment.

We stood and kissed each other softly for a while, I stroked my fingers against the marks I had left on him, silently apologizing, until he pulled away from me.

"Do you want to get out of here today? Just, get away from everything for a bit?" He smiled, and I was relieved to see the troubled look had left his eyes for now.

"Yes, I'd love to. Where?" I ran my hands up and down the muscles of his chest as I spoke, still not able to tear myself away from his flesh.

"Seattle? I need some books, and I'm sure you could do with some things for school too... Is your ankle up to it?" He looked downwards at my now brace-free foot, and frowned slightly.

"As long as we don't trek for miles, I'll be ok." I pushed myself back against him for the moment though, still needing to really feel him against me. His length was pressed against my stomach, and I felt it twitch at the contact.

"I think I can do it in less than three hours, so we should be there for lunch." He smirked down at me as I felt him harden against my skin. "Depending on what time we leave."

"Well, if we're only aiming for lunch, we have a little while yet." Our lips met, this time in a soft kiss, and I dissolved back into his arms. After a moment I pulled away slightly, "But, shall we go upstairs for now… as we are making a bit of a mess down here."

As Edward scooped me up and ran us both to our room with a smile, I allowed myself to forget this evening, forget what was to come, and hide in being a teenager for the day. Maybe we were running away from our problems, but at least we would be together while we did.

**Edward**

We made it into Seattle in time for a late lunch, after which we spent a couple of hours walking around the shops. Both of us needed some things for school, and we also spent some time picking out some new clothes. But inevitably, after a couple of hours we ended up in a large book shop, where Bella seemed content to peruse endlessly, while I pretended to read.

While we had been moving from shop to shop, I had been able to forget about things a little, revelling in my easily distracted human mind as I avoided thinking about the inevitable that would come tonight when we returned to Forks. But now, as I sat and pretended to read, turning the page of my book every few minutes to maintain the illusion, the reality that tonight I would sleep alone had hit me like a ton of bricks.

Before I even began to consider the fact that I would be surrounded by vampires, and Bella was right; accidents do happen, there was the simple fact that I would be away from her. And I simply couldn't begin to bear it.

In the back of my mind I could feel worry, and yes, fear, beginning to build at the thought of being alone in the forest with my family. But more than anything, I simply wasn't sure how to even function away from Bella. Since I had changed, she had been my everything. My teacher, my lover, my defender, my very reason to continue to _try_.

I considered the fact that maybe this wasn't a very healthy relationship, to be so utterly dependent on the presence of another, but I dismissed it when I decided that these weren't exactly precedented circumstances. And to be honest, I had felt just as dependent on her when I had still been a vampire, maybe just in a different way.

As the reality of my situation began to work its way further into my mind, panic unleashed itself upon me. I could feel the adrenaline coursing uselessly in my system as my utter terror at facing the night alone came to truly grip me in its clutches. I loved Bella, more than my life, but I needed her even more than that. I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready to be alone yet; it had only been two weeks. Two weeks, and I'd only found more to be afraid of, not less.

The thought of being so close to Jasper as I slept, suddenly struck me, and I wondered if I would still be able to hear his thoughts while I was asleep. Would I dream of his battle, as he struggled with the thirst I would undoubtedly create in him?

I turned another page as I fought back the tears that were threatening to spill. I had often wished I could cry as a vampire, the ability to rid myself of some overwhelming emotion seeming like Nirvana. But these days the tears seemed to come too easily, and I feared it only illustrated that mentally I was probably in a far from stable place.

A horrifying thought struck me abruptly; what would it actually take to break this fragile mind I now inhabited? The fear coursing through me was only a fraction of what I knew I would feel once I was alone in the dark, surrounded by beings of whose abilities and urges I knew far too well. Could I actually go mad?

In the darkest part of my mind though, lurked something even more terrifying. Billy's thoughts the day before had been very clear to me, something that I almost regretted now. His main reason for distrusting me so, was that he didn't believe my new circumstances to be real. He was sure I would return to being a vampire eventually, and he didn't want me to be in the same house as his friends if I were to suddenly become… _thirsty._

I couldn't help but wonder if he was right. Was I actually still just the black, soulless creature I had been before, masquerading in a costume made of flesh? The ultimate wolf in sheep's clothing?

If that was true… maybe Bella would be better if I did go. The thought that I could pose some kind of risk to her was unimaginable.

_No! No! Nothing in the world could make me hurt her now. I wouldn't allow it._

_I'll do whatever I have to, to be certain of it._

Suddenly I saw her out of the corner of my eye as she passed the bench I was sitting on, already weighed down by an armful of books. She sent me a bright smile as she passed; her pleasure in her surroundings was obvious for all to see. I fought with my terror, squashing it downwards, determined not to show her the full horror of my feelings right now. Above all else, she had to believe that I would be ok. Even if I didn't.

I glanced down at my watch; the ridiculously expensive thing that Alice had bought me, these days seemed to weigh down my wrist. It was nearly four, and I knew that we would have to leave Seattle soon, and face reality once more. Carlisle had been clear this morning; the wolves expected me home… How ridiculous… they expected me away from the only home I had ever wanted, by midnight, otherwise they would class it as us having broken the treaty.

Bella's words from this morning echoed in my mind. Maybe I should have let her speak to Billy. But it seemed too late by now, and I felt utterly defeated.

"Are you going to buy that?" Bella disturbed me from my thoughts as she plopped down next to me on my bench, I started, not having realised she was there, my nerves utterly fraught.

"Um…" I was about to say no; until I saw the sweat stained, rumpled pages under my fingers, and realised I really had little choice now. "Yes, it's alright. Are you done, they do have a few more books out the back I believe…" She smiled as I teased her, she could barely see over the top of the pile she was holding, and I reached over and took them from her, adding my own rather sorry looking item to the pile.

"Yes, I'm done. Shall we?" She stood and led me to the pay point. I smiled as she did, I could hardly see over the pile of books in my hands myself, and I wondered how on earth she had made it over to me without landing in a heap somewhere.

As the clerk rang up the books, Bella got her wallet out, and I had to restrain a groan of irritation. After the first time we had argued when she refused to let me pay for her purchases today, I had mainly let things lie. I had taken the attitude that it really didn't matter whose money she was spending, as when she ran out I would simply give her more… one way or another. But I did feel rather resentful that even now, with everything she had done for me, she wouldn't allow me to spend money on her.

The bill came to over a hundred and fifty dollars, which was nothing to me, but I knew was a lot to Bella. I couldn't stand it anymore, and as she scraped through her purse for the money I thrust several bills into the clerk's hands.

"Keep the change!" I called as I snatched the bags and almost ran from the shop, leaving Bella gaping in my wake.

I waited outside for her patiently, only too aware that I was about to be exposed to her wrath for my actions. I was almost looking forward to it, seeing Bella fired up in anyway was always a pleasure.

"What the hell Edward!" Bella hurtled through the doorway a few moments later, running towards me, her eyes flashing as she reached me and proceeded to smack my arm repeatedly. I was glad she was so tiny; suddenly the angry kitten was back.

I turned, my smirk only certain to irritate her further, and began to walk along the street. After a second she followed behind me, and I could hear her grumbling as she did.

"Bella love, I'm sorry, but I simply couldn't stand it. You have to get over me spending money on you, because it's going to keep happening!" I was still smirking, I'd got my own way, and inside I was doing a victory dance.

_Which I am keeping to myself…_

"No it's not, and when we get home I'm paying you back for those! But not for the $22.43 extra you paid the clerk as a tip for some inexplicable reason!" She still sounded irritated, but the evil glare she was sending me had no weight. I'd _seen _this girl's evil glare, and this was not it.

We were walking past a small park, and when we reached a gate I turned in and found a bench to sit down on. The day was cloudy, but so far dry, and I was conscious that Bella had been on her still healing ankle for some time, and should rest it. We had been quiet as we walked, her still trying to glare at me, me still enjoying my tiny victory over her stubborn refusal to take anything from me.

We sat down, and I placed our bags at my feet. Our shopping efforts today would have made Alice proud, and I was amused to find that my hands hurt from carrying it all.

"Bella." I turned to look at her, determined to settle this once and for all. "You have to explain this to me properly, as I just don't understand. Why are you so adverse to allowing me to spend money on you?"

She seemed to struggle with her answer for a minute, opening her mouth to speak then closing it again a couple of times, before she finally began to speak.

"You have given me so much… I've never really had a lot of money, and I can't ever repay you." The soft breeze was blowing her hair into her face, and as she spoke I leant forward and brushed it back, keeping my hand on her neck.

"I've given you very little Bella, because you won't ever let me! And as for repaying me, why would I want that? I don't _want _you to repay me!" Her explanation made no sense; did she think I was keeping a running tab?

"No, I mean, you've given me _you. _Anything else just puts us even more out of balance." She looked at her feet stretched out in front of her as she spoke, I hoped because she could hear how ridiculous her explanation was in her own ears.

"The way you regard me Bella is just… absurd." She looked up at me as I spoke, a small frown crossing her face. "And as for being out of balance… are you even aware of what you've done for me over the last couple of weeks?

"You helped me find my feet when I could hardly stand, you've fed me, given me a roof over my head. Bella, you've held me in the night, time and time again, _as_ _I've cried_. If I gave you everything I had, and then some, I could never repay what you've done for me. If it wasn't for you, I don't think I would have survived this."

She went to interrupt me, but I hushed her. "Don't deny it Bella; you've saved me in every way a person can be saved."

"Isn't that from Titanic?"

_Is it? Fuck…_

I rolled my eyes at her, "I'm trying to make a point here. Honestly Bella, do you even have any concept of how much money I actually have?"

"I guess not really… A lot, your house is huge." She shrugged and looked back down to her feet, but I couldn't help but laugh.

"The house in Forks is one of the smaller of the dozens of properties we own, literally, at last count I think we owned between us over seventy houses around the USA and Canada, many of them worth several million dollars." As I spoke I watched Bella's eyes widen, until she looked up to stare at me.

"You're joking!"

"Not at all. We keep each property we buy, in case we have need of it again. But that's joint money; it belongs to all of us. I also have my own money, from the inheritance I received from my parents on their death. I have done little with it apart from invest it, and play the stock market, until I became bored a little while after Alice encouraged me to invest in Google and Yahoo as startup companies. I realised it was not interesting gambling when you already knew the outcome of everything. Now it just sits in stocks and bonds, growing so much daily that I have no hope of ever even managing to keep up with spending the interest I accrue."

All of the colour seemed to drain out of Bella's face as I spoke, and I became worried that I was upsetting her. "How much?" she croaked.

"Enough that our great-great grandchildren will never have to work a day in their lives if they choose not to." I didn't really want to get into specifics; I could see Bella was already pretty stunned by what I was telling her, if I actually gave her the concrete numbers I wondered how she might take it.

She sat looking at me silently for a few minutes, before a smile suddenly broke out across her face. "Holy Shit!" She began to laugh, and I began to worry that she was hysterical.

Gradually she calmed down, and I breathed a sigh of relief as she looked at me again, her eyes full of questions. She seemed to hesitate for a moment, before she spoke again.

"Is that something that… could happen now?" She looked embarrassed, and I wasn't quite sure what she was asking me.

"What?"

"Well… great-great grandchildren." A bright pink blush crossed her cheeks, and I understood what she was asking me.

"Um… Carlisle did some tests, and he thinks it could. Everything seems to be… fully functional." I could feel my own face getting hot, and I looked away from her. I could see the Space needle in the distance, and as I looked around I realised what a romantic little setting we were in, talking about having children.

_You know, if you had the ring…_

"Ok. Good." I was surprised at how solid Bella sounded, and when I glanced back at her she was looking at me quite comfortably again. I knew that I had to ask the question.

"Bella… Is that something you want… one day? Children I mean?" I held my breath as I waited for her answer; my heart was suddenly racing in my chest as I waited for her reply.

"It never was really…" My breath escaped me in a rush at her words, and I could feel my heart drop to my stomach suddenly. She reached out and put her hand on my arm, making me raise my eyes to hers again. "I said that it never was, Edward. Now though… the thought of _your _baby… Yes, that's something I want. Very much."

"Ok. Good." I used her words back at her, not able to help the wide smile that broke across my face, and in my utter joy I was completely unable to think of anything any more articulate to say.

"I have to ask one thing though Edward." She distracted me from my excited planning, and when I looked over at her I could see she was puzzled.

"Why are you talking about going to college? If you seriously have _that much_ money, why not just… live off it. Travel, see the world? Why work and do all the routine things if you don't have to?"

"I've lived that life Bella, it's remarkably unsatisfying to have no… purpose. No reason to get up in the morning, it's very depressing. Why do you think I have endlessly repeated High School for decades? If you have nothing to live for, days just run into one, time and life become meaningless. The money will just give us both the chance to do what we truly want to, unhindered by the need to pay the rent."

We sat together a little longer, but as the afternoon drew to a close I felt Bella shiver, even as she sat with my arm around her. I knew that I could delay the inevitable no longer. It would be evening by the time we returned home, and it was time for me to do what I must.

I squeezed her shoulders a little tighter for a second, and I felt her tense beside me.

"We have to go." My words sounded flat in my own ears. I really had no idea how I was going to do this.

I had been seriously considering whisking Bella away with me, anywhere we could be together, as we sat on that bench and watched the city move around us. But we were only two days away from the beginning of senior year, and this time it was going to be important for both of us. I knew I had no choice but to return to Forks, and fulfill my obligations.

Bella didn't answer me, and I could see the sorrow in her eyes as she stood and stretched her hand out towards me.

We walked silently back to the car, hand in hand as I used every precious second I had left with her. As we pulled away, I took her hand again and squeezed it. I glanced over to her, my heartache threatening to overwhelm me with every mile we travelled, but I saw no more of the sorrow that had been in her eyes.

Instead her expression contained only determination.

**Bella**

Throughout the day, every time Edward had thought I wasn't watching him, his mask had slipped.

When we were together he was making an effort, trying to forget about what was to come this evening, but as soon as he thought that I was otherwise occupied, I could see the clouds crossing his face, and darkness was all that remained.

The truth was simple and more than understandable. He wasn't ready. He had only had a couple of weeks to get used to his new circumstances, and now he was being asked to leave the only place he really felt safe at the moment, and go back home.

He was like a baby bird, half fledged but nowhere near ready to fly, being pushed from the nest as if it was time for him to spread his wings.

_It isn't time yet._

He had refused to allow me to intervene this morning, his fear for his family's and my wellbeing making him determined to do as the Quileute demanded, intent on not stirring up the hornet's nest, in case they came out to sting him.

But as we drove home in silence, my determination grew. _I would not allow this._ I had meant what I said the night before. If they wanted to talk territory, I could talk territory. I had enough secrets up my sleeve to bury the lot of them, so this time _my _demands would be heard.

*****

I had spent the entire three hour drive home from Seattle building myself up for what was to come.

I was going to have to stand up to Billy, probably Carlisle, maybe even Edward, but the truth was I simply wasn't used to being the one who was relied upon. I honestly thought that half of my breakdown this morning had been as much about the stress I had been under looking after Edward recently, as the demands of the Quileute. I had become spoiled over the last six months, Edward had looked after me to the point that I felt utterly safe, as I pushed my fears for the future to the back of my mind as often as I could.

But now the tables were turned, and I was going to have to stand my ground for Edward's sake, as well as my own. As we pulled into the driveway at a little before eight, I steeled myself.

The cruiser wasn't in the driveway. Charlie had been going down to Billy's to watch a game this evening, and as I considered that fact, an idea began to form in my mind.

"Carlisle's here." Edward said, not even trying to whisper, no doubt all too aware of the fact that there was no way to conceal our presence from him. "He's in the house waiting for us. He has come to collect me; he's annoyed that I haven't returned home already."

He sounded detached as he spoke, and I looked over to him and was immediately disturbed by his expression. His face was entirely flat; he seemed to have completely withdrawn into himself. Even as I looked at him, he wouldn't meet my gaze, keeping his eyes fixed firmly on the house.

I didn't reply, a plan forming in my mind as he climbed out of the car and came around to my side to help me out.

I knew that I could stand up to all of these mythical creatures if I had to, but in reality once it came down to the fight, I wasn't going to win. Edward would be dragged home by Carlisle kicking and screaming if it came to it, which wasn't going to help anybody.

But there was one person who was always on my side, and he also seemed to be on Edward's these days too. And as I got out of the car, I realised that he would be able to help me again this time, whether he knew it or not.

As soon as I decided what I was going to do, I realised that I only had seconds until Alice intervened. I grabbed Edward's arm, and steered him towards my truck, which he had parked his BMW virtually next to. As soon as he saw where we were going he looked down at me questioningly, a small line appearing between his eyebrows.

"I need to do one thing before you go, Carlisle can wait for five minutes. Don't ask, just get in the truck." He nodded unspeaking, slipping into the passenger seat as I started the engine and pulled away as fast as I could manage. I had been watching my front door for the few seconds it took us to get away, waiting for Carlisle to appear and stop my plan in its tracks, but our proximity to my car had obviously not given Alice time to warn Carlisle of what I was about to do.

"Where are we going?" Edward asked me a few moments later, as I pushed my truck harder than I ever had before in my life. The engine screamed as we reached sixty miles an hour, but I didn't even care. I knew we only had a very short time until we would have company, and I planned on making the most of it.

I didn't answer Edward's question. I kept my eyes on the road, and my foot on the gas, knowing that he would realize what I was doing only too soon, as we raced towards La Push.

* * *

**A/N – Sorry for the slight delay this week folks, real life sometimes intervenes…**

**Once again I must say thanks so much for all of your reviews, I try and reply to as many as I can, but I'm sorry if I missed you. You all really helped me get this chapter out this week, as my time has been severely curtailed, but knowing you were there helped me to get my arse into gear!**

**I have a recommendation for you again this week, I'd hate for anybody to actually get any work done!**

"**Brownstudy" by littlesecret84 (who wrote the brilliant "Age of Consent") – in which Bella's dreams have a habit of coming true, it's just getting going, but what's already there is very good. Both of her stories are in my favourites if you're interested.**

**So press the green button and tell me…. Do you like cliffies?**

**Mwahahahaha!**

**Til the next time.**

**Ria**


	20. Desperate Measures

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight!

Thanks to venomaddict for everything, I'm saving for your ticket to visit ;).

* * *

**Bella**

"Bella. Where. Are. We. _Going_?"

I didn't take my eyes off of the road as Edward reiterated his question a few moments later, but I could hear the tone of his voice was becoming sharper.

According to the speedo, we were moving at 64 mph, which had to be a record for my truck. The only problem was, that it felt like it was about to explode under us; the noise of the engine was deafening, and the way we were being shaken as we barreled along the road was almost violent.

I just about made out his phone when it began to ring in his pocket, but he ignored it. I could feel him glaring at me from the passenger seat, but I continued to focus on the road.

"Aren't you going to get that?" I asked, despite the fact that he clearly wasn't. I had to yell to make myself heard over the engine.

"No."

"No?" I squeaked. In one word he had managed to sound cold, and furious. With _me._

"No. It will undoubtedly be Alice, and I don't wish to have to explain to her that you seem to have lost your mind," he shouted over the engine. "You _cannot_ be serious, Bella."

I struggled with words for a moment, deep down inside me I was absolutely sure about what I was about to do, but I knew that Edward wasn't going to be easy to convince.

"It's the only way Edward."

"Bella! Pull over! Now!" He leant over me and put one hand on the steering wheel, as if to take control of the car from me, but I was determined that I would not allow him to do so.

"You're not a vampire anymore Edward, do you really think you can take over driving without causing us to have an accident in the meantime?" I yelled at him. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him hesitate, before he removed his hand from the wheel.

"Then please tell me that we're not going, where I think we're going." I chanced a glance at him for a second, and was unsurprised to see that he was running both of his hands through his hair, with an almost frantic expression on his face.

"We're going to see Billy." I almost hoped he wouldn't hear me, but of course, he already knew very well where we were headed. The only place that lay ahead of us on this road was La Push, and my sheer recklessness with the wellbeing of my truck, I knew, spoke volumes.

"Are you _insane_? I mean… _Fuck_! You can't take me to La Push! Bella, turn this damn thing around! Right now! SHIT!" He seemed to be searching around the truck for something, and I became alarmed when I realized that he appeared to be looking out of the door, almost as if he was considering jumping out of it.

"Edward! Don't be so melodramatic! If you jump out of here at this speed, it will kill you. I'm sure you're not really _that_ self sacrificing." We were still shouting at each other to be heard, but now my tone had gone up a notch. _He wouldn't really throw himself out of the cab, would he?_

"I think I might prefer it to being eaten by a fucking giant wolf Bella! You have no idea what you're doing here! You're risking everyone, yourself included! Dear God woman, please, just PULL OVER!" His face was almost pressed against my ear as he yelled at me this time, his sheer volume hurting my ears. I could feel his hot breath on me as he yelled, and he seemed to be panting heavily.

"BACK OFF Edward, you'll kill us both if you make me lose control!" I was fairly confident I wasn't going to lose control of the car, but his reaction was starting to make me even more nervous than I already felt.

He suddenly fell back into his seat, far on the other side of my truck, falling silent as he glared at me. I made myself not meet his eyes, certain that I was on the receiving end of his death glare. I simply focused on the road, waiting for the inevitable car in my rear view mirror to appear at any moment.

His phone started to ring again, but there was no movement from his side. I wondered if Alice had called Carlisle yet, was he already on our tail? I wasn't sure whether the idea of that appealed to me or not. Maybe the very act of _trying _to take Edward to La Push would achieve what I wanted, but at that moment I had no intention of stopping unless I was physically forced to.

The world outside was flying past at a terrific rate. It was still only twilight outside, but I could see the shadows drawing in closer as night fell. The trees around us were getting thicker as we got closer to La Push, and part of me wondered if we were being watched from the forest. Goose-bumps crept across my skin, and a small shiver ran down my spine at the thought of it.

As I had continued to drive, Edward had sat back in his seat, silently watching me, but after thirty seconds of silence, he leant towards me again. Though he was still shouting, his demeanor was much calmer.

"Bella, if you cross the treaty line with me in the car, you are putting every member of my family at risk. The wolves have the right to kill them all. Well, to try anyway." He snorted as he said that, before he continued. "But they can also reveal our secret, and that is far more dangerous than you know. You've not got all of the information here Bella, you need to pull over."

I hesitated for a moment. I knew that I had made this decision in the heat of the moment, and I wondered if I _was _doing the right thing. Was I just going to make things worse?

I started to ease my foot off of the accelerator, and our speed slowed slightly. The noise of the engine reduced a great deal as I eased up a little, my certainty in my actions beginning to trickle away.

I knew that the Quileute's hatred of the Cullens might lead them to take advantage of any breach of the treaty. But even if they did decide to reveal their secret, what exactly were they going to do? Take out a full page advert in the Peninsula Daily News? Go on Leno?

My resolve strengthened again, and I pushed my foot back down on the gas. There was no way that any secrets were being revealed over this. After all, I knew some things about the tribe that I was pretty sure they didn't want publicized either. Silence for silence seemed like a fair deal to me.

"They aren't going to be revealing any secrets, Edward; we know things about them too. I'm sure we can work something out." I could sense him shifting towards me in the seat as I spoke; I was relieved that his temper still seemed to be under control.

"Even if that's true, Bella, the wolves are dangerous. We can't go down there, if they know we're there… you're putting both of us in danger, hell, you're putting Charlie in danger if he's with us. Please love, pull over. Don't do something so rash just for my sake."

"Edward, Jake told me about these wolves, they protect humans. You're human, why do you think they'd make an exception for you?" I chanced a glance at him and he was scanning the road behind us, undoubtedly for the car which was surely about to appear there at any second.

"Billy seems to think I'm an exception, he's so convinced I'm still a danger he's risking a virtual war between us to get me out of your house!" His tone was getting more urgent again, and I wished that we could just get there already. My foot was already as far down on the gas as it would go, but I increased the pressure on it anyway, making myself feel a little better, even if we didn't actually go any faster.

"Maybe if you hadn't stood and glared and growled at him yesterday like you _were_ still a goddamned vampire, he wouldn't be under that impression. You behaved as if you were still a Cullen yesterday, so he's treating you like that's what you are!" I yelled at him. My own temper was beginning to break the surface now, and I could feel heat rising in my face.

"I am still a Cullen!"

"No you're not Edward! If you want people to stop thinking of you as a vampire, you have to stop thinking of yourself as one… Shit." Headlights appeared in my rearview mirror, and I recognised Carlisle's Mercedes as it pulled up alongside us, matching our speed easily.

"It's Carlisle, pull over Bella, you must have known this wasn't going to happen."

"Why, what's he going to do? Ram us into a ditch?" I glanced towards the Mercedes for a moment, hoping that, that wasn't actually the plan.

To my relief the car simply stayed alongside, however the passenger window opened beside me, and I could hear muffled words from the car. I didn't have a chance in hearing what he was saying though; the noise of my engine almost drowned him out entirely.

"Bella, if he wants to he can simply get out of his car, and get into this one and take over the driving from you, you know he can. Just pull over." Edward sounded almost disappointed, and when I glanced at him I realised that he _looked_ almost disappointed.

"Edward, do you trust me?"

"I trust you to always have the best of intentions." I glanced at him again, in time to catch a slight crooked smile gracing his features.

"Then listen to me. We can do this, Charlie's there; Billy is his oldest and closest friend. If we can just let Billy really _see _who you are now, show him that Charlie trusts you; show him you're not a risk anymore, this will all just be a storm in a teacup. You're looking at this like you're still a Cullen, baby… and you're not." As I spoke I saw Edward visibly wince from the corner of my eye.

"What?"

"Carlisle heard you." He grimaced, and he suddenly looked sad.

"You can hear his thoughts?"

"Yes. When you said I wasn't a Cullen anymore… it hurt him."

"Oh… I'm sorry Carlisle." I assumed he would still be able to hear me, and realised that I could make the most of that fact, without having to pull over. "But you know I'm right. Edward is different to the rest of you now. You'll always be his family, my family, but you said yourself that he shouldn't ally himself with you in this. I think that by crossing the line we're making a pretty big statement that he does not."

"You're being naïve…" Edward sounded uncertain, and I wondered if there was actually a chance that I could talk him around.

Suddenly the Mercedes pulled back, in my mirror I saw it swing sharply to the side, stopping by the side of the road. Within a few seconds it was gone from my line of sight as we turned through a bend in the road.

"Does Carlisle agree?" I wasn't sure what to make of the fact that he had left us so suddenly; I had expected much more of an argument than that.

"He ran out of time, we have breached the treaty line," he said, his expression somber. "Carlisle thinks that while I may be forgiven for that, he most definitely will not. He simply asked me to beg you to reconsider, Bella."

"Are you going to?" I slowed my speed down deliberately, now we were no longer being pursued, there was no reason to attract attention to ourselves, plus it would give us a few more minutes to speak before we reached Billy's house. I noticed the truck still sounded noisier than I was used to, even after I slowed down.

"I don't know. Can we pull over and talk about this, we're risking so much here, we just need to think about it for a minute, rather than rush in headlong." He sounded pained, but I wasn't sure I could trust him not to get out and run back home if I stopped the car. I suddenly became aware of the fact that I had effectively kidnapped him.

"Er… I'm not sure how late Charlie will stay, and I really think we should get there before he goes home." _And I really don't want you to notice that you're now my hostage… oh God!_

"Ok." He looked resigned, but he shuffled up close to me and took my hand in his. I hoped it meant that I was forgiven.

"I'm not being naïve Edward," I said, returning to our previous conversation. I knew that I had only minutes to convince him, but I was determined to try. "This could all go wrong, but you fundamentally aren't a risk anymore. I get why the Quileute have an issue with your family now, I understand it. I was blinded by you before, but you've said it yourself, accidents happen… I'm not prepared to risk you… and I feel like a hypocrite, but it's true.

"We just have to convince Billy. Charlie's already on your side, and I know for a fact that he hates the prejudice the tribe has for your family. He and Billy have only recently made up over it. I don't think that Billy will risk his friendship with Charlie by throwing you out of La Push as soon as we get there, and he's definitely not going to set the wolves on you with me and Charlie there.

"I'm sorry Edward," I concluded. "But sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures."

We drove along for a few minutes, not speaking, but Edward continued to hold my hand, rubbing his thumb back and forth across my knuckles thoughtfully.

"How do you see this playing out?" He surprised me when he spoke again. I was becoming more and more nervous, we were only a couple of minutes from Billy and Jake's place now, and every second I was almost expecting a monstrous wolf to leap out into the road in front of us.

"I'm not sure, but the main thing is for us to make Billy understand that you're not a risk to them anymore, one way or another. As Charlie's there… I'm hoping we'll at least get the chance to try."

He nodded slowly, but I could still see that he was concerned. "If anything goes wrong Bella… I want you to promise me that you'll get in this truck and drive home, with or without me."

"Don't be ridiculous."

"I mean it."

"So do I."

I could feel him glaring at me again, but it was academic. Up ahead I could see the tiny house I had spent so much time in as a child. It was still just about light as we pulled up outside, and as Edward helped me out of the truck I saw the front door open. Charlie appeared in the doorway, undoubtedly having heard my truck's signature roar.

We both hesitated by the driver's door for a moment. I unconsciously moved closer to Edward, holding on to his hand for dear life as I suddenly began to wonder what in the hell I had been thinking.

"Bells! Edward! What are you kids doing down here? Come in." Charlie was grinning broadly, he looked delighted to see us, and that fact alone broke our reverie.

We began to move towards the house, but then suddenly Billy appeared in the doorway beside Charlie. He looked between Edward and me for a moment, his eyes wide and alarmed, his jaw slack, before he spun his chair around, and shot back into the house.

_Crap. Do wolves generally carry cell phones?_

**Edward**

It took me a couple of minutes after we pulled away to realize what she was doing, where we were going. At first I'd thought maybe she wanted a few more minutes alone before I had to go, and to be honest, that was fine by me.

No, that's not true. I wanted her to keep on driving. Away from Forks, away from treaties and werewolves and vampires and drama. Somewhere she could be Bella, and I could be Edward, and forget that I wasn't the seventeen year-old child that I now appeared to be. Anywhere else in the world would do. Home was with me in the cab of her hideously dilapidated truck, and I would be happy wherever she chose to go.

As the minutes ticked by though, I had realised that we weren't driving _out _of Forks as such, but very clearly headed to the coast, where I had _absolutely_ no place to be.

The journey passed very quickly. Bella accelerated well beyond the capacity of the monstrosity we were travelling in, and part of me rejoiced when I noticed the clouds of oil smoke belching out of the exhaust, that indicated that she had most likely blown something major inside the engine. But surprisingly enough she didn't notice, she was far more focused on the recklessness that she was insisting upon.

Carlisle was the only member of my family close enough to make it to us before we crossed the treaty line. Though I was certain that when we crossed it again later tonight, assuming we did, that we would have a welcoming committee of several enraged vampires.

_Looking forward to that already._

But Carlisle being Carlisle, would not risk trying to force Bella from the driver's seat. He had seen far too many victims of road traffic accidents to want to cause us to be involved in one. I had been able to hear his thoughts clearly though, as he pulled up beside us, and he had informed me that he believed that if Bella was intent on doing this, that I had one chance of success.

The Quileute were clearly not willing to accept any boundary changes. I had assumed that pride would come into the mix somewhere, and I had been unsurprised to hear that they would not expand the Cullen land for my sake. But maybe if I could prove to their Chief that I was no longer of any risk, I could be excluded from the treaty itself, hopefully ensuring that the Quileute had no further interest in me, or my whereabouts.

I scowled as I got out of the car outside of the Black house, but hurriedly tried to clear my expression as I walked around to Bella. I could try and talk myself into it as much as I liked, but I essentially did not want to be here, and wanted Bella to be here even less so. The mere thought of her so near the damned wolves made my skin break out into a cold sweat. But I had been given little choice in the matter, and I knew that now we were here, I needed to do everything I could to convince Billy that I was of no risk to his people. It was the only thing I could think of to keep her safe.

_Why does she keep doing this to me?_

When Charlie stepped out of the house his mind was as clouded to me as ever, but his pleasure at seeing Bella was evident in his face, and his smile to me was also… warm.

Billy on the other hand…

His mind almost seemed to stall for an instant when he saw me, but he quickly recovered, and went into an all out panic. All he could think was if I was there, then the rest of my family had to be as well, that we had decided to attack his people. He spun his chair around hastily and headed back into the house, the overriding thought in his mind that he had to call someone named Sam.

"Dad!" Bella called out to her father as we hurried towards him. "I thought we could come and eat with you, we haven't really seen you since we got back, and I know you're working this weekend."

I didn't really listen as Charlie met us in the front yard. Bella uncharacteristically pulled him into a hug, letting go of my hand as she did, allowing me to walk into the house ahead of them, and giving me a few precious moments alone with Billy.

I walked through the front door, straight into the tiny living room. Billy was on the telephone, his voice was low and he spoke urgently down the line. I couldn't make out what he was saying, but from his tone I knew that it couldn't be good.

"Billy, please," I hissed, all too aware that Charlie was only seconds behind me. "The rest of my family will not cross the line. I'm alone, I swear."

He looked up at me, and although he was silent, his thoughts were clear when I reached for his mind.

_Cullen… must keep the protectors on the Reservation tonight… about to be attacked?_

The fear rolling off of him was a palpable force in the room as Bella and Charlie walked in a few seconds later, and my heart clenched in my chest. _People do stupid things when they're afraid._

"Anyone interesting?" Charlie gestured to the phone Billy was placing back in the cradle, as he flopped down onto the couch in front of the television. There was a baseball game on, and I could see from the empty beer cans lying strewn around the room, that Billy and Charlie had been relaxing together for a while.

"No. Wrong number." Billy rolled back into position next to Charlie near the couch, glaring at me as he did. "Bella, why don't you and your friend help yourself to a drink from the kitchen?" _Let's see you play at being human, vampire._

"Thanks Billy." Bella grabbed my hand and led me out towards the kitchen. As we left I saw Charlie looking between me and Billy, and I knew that he couldn't have missed the fact that he was glowering at me in sheer hatred.

We moved into the kitchen, and Bella started to dig around in the fridge as if she owned the place. She pulled out a couple of cans of Pepsi, tossing one to me, before she proceeded to open her own. It always amused me when she did little things like that, she would swear on her life that she was the clumsiest people in the world, but when she wasn't thinking about it, she was actually amazingly graceful.

She lifted her drink to her mouth, but I held onto mine unopened. I quirked an eyebrow at her, uncertain that I should be raiding Billy's fridge quite so carelessly.

"What?" she said, cocking her head to one side slightly as she looked at me. "Do you have any idea how much of our grocery money goes on beer and chips for Billy every month? He can spare us a couple of sodas, believe me!"

I set my drink down on the table to one side of the tiny kitchen, and ran my hands through my hair. It felt utterly surreal to be standing there. I was barred from this land, and I knew that both of us could be in great danger. But Bella was acting as if she didn't have a care in the world.

I closed my eyes and scrubbed my hands down my face, what did I have to do to get her to realize how much trouble we could be in here? What the hell was I going to do if we were suddenly confronted by the wolves? I focused on simply breathing in and out a few times, trying to bring my racing heart back under control, and to work out what on earth we did next.

Suddenly I felt her hands on my arms, and I gave a deep sigh. Her touch calmed me greatly as usual, but this time I was too tense to really relax, even for her.

"Hey, Edward. Baby, come on, this is our chance, don't freak out." I opened my eyes to find her staring at me, her eyes soft and worried. "This is your chance to show Billy who you are now, that you really don't have to abide by any treaty anymore."

I knew she was right, but part of me was afraid. What if I didn't measure up under close scrutiny? Was I really as human as I seemed?

"I… I don't like trying to prove myself to anyone Bella." I couldn't confess to her my biggest fear, but this was also true. Beneath all of the trepidation and worry about being dragged back to Castle Dracula tonight _(hey, it's my house, I can joke can't I?),_ I was also furious at being dictated to by people who really had nothing to do with me. Why on earth should I have to prove myself to anyone? Fuck them!

_Worried that you'll fail the test Cullen? Or Masen? Do you even know who you truly are, these days?_

I shook my head, trying to somehow dislodge my own internal voice, as I tried to not completely lose it in the Black's kitchen.

"Edward." I looked down at Bella again, and saw that her arms were crossed in front of her. "Either get out there and prove that you should not be held to this goddamned treaty anymore, or I'll drive you home to Carlisle's place myself, right now!"

I flinched at her words, were those really my only options here?

We stood and stared at each other for a minute, and her stance softened. I could see the please in her eyes, and I didn't make her say it. I picked up my drink, and took her hand before I walked with her into the living room.

I opened the can as I sat down on the couch on the opposite end to Charlie. Bella sat down between us, and without thinking, I put my arm around her. I froze in horror. All of a sudden I remembered that we were sitting next to Charlie, and I realized that now my hand was resting, somewhat over-familiarly, on his shoulder, beside Bella.

I winced and jerked away from him quickly, and for an instant I wondered if I was about to get thrown out of the house by Charlie, rather than Billy. But when I looked around slowly, Charlie met my eyes and simply raised his eyebrows leisurely at me, an amused look crossing his face. I looked at my arm, still resting around Bella, but he didn't, as he went back to watching the TV.

_Hmmm, does that mean he actually doesn't mind me sitting like this?_

I looked up again, and realised that the way Billy was sitting angled towards the television meant he was almost directly facing me. I took a deep breath and decided; it was time to show him quite how human I was these days.

"There's pizza coming," Charlie said suddenly. He didn't look away from the television as he spoke. "We ordered for Jake too, but he's gone out with his friends for a bit, so there should be enough for you two." He suddenly looked at me with a smirk. "Maybe."

"Thanks Dad, sorry we just barged in on you like this." Charlie looked at Bella with a smile as she spoke, and his thoughts, though they weren't clear to me, seemed to be happy.

"You're always welcome Bells, you know that. Both of you." He looked at me, and then suddenly shot a look at Billy. I could tell from Billy's thoughts that there had been words while we were in the kitchen.

We sat and watched sports for a while. I wasn't really paying attention, as I was instead listening to Billy's constant internal observations about me. He was still very doubting of me, the fear he felt initially at my arrival not dissipating greatly, but with every sip of my drink he seemed to become more uncertain.

I was becoming more and more uncomfortable under his gaze, and I found myself fidgeting more than was usual. Bella glanced over at me a couple of times as she joked with Charlie about something inconsequential on the television, clearly annoyed by my constant jostling of her.

Finally the doorbell rang, and I leapt from my seat to get it with immense relief. Being stared at constantly had left me absurdly on edge, and also, to be honest, I hadn't eaten in six hours, and I was starving. I hadn't tried pizza yet, but the number of students who wolfed it down for lunch daily made me think it would be good. I paid the pizza boy, giving him a generous tip due to the discomfort he had just saved me from, before returning to the huddle around the television.

There were three very large pizzas between us all, and although it looked like an enormous amount of food at first, it disappeared remarkably quickly. I tried all three of the varieties on offer, they were all very good, and very soon there was only two pieces left. I leant forward for the last of the pepperoni, but before I got there Bella leaned in and snatched it from beneath my fingers with a giggle.

"Too slow!" she giggled at me as I scowled.

I moved for the last piece, which was covered in vegetables for some inexplicable reason, but again I was beaten to it, this time by Charlie, who shoved it into his mouth with a large grin.

Both of them watched me as they ate, chuckling as they exchanged glances, while I continued to frown. I had been raised not to snatch food out of hungry people's mouths, and really couldn't see the humour in it.

"You know Billy, my respect for you grows every day I live with this one," Charlie said as he finished his pizza. He jerked his finger at me as he spoke, and I frowned again. As far as I was aware, so far I had been the perfect houseguest. "How you've managed to live with Jake for this long, and not starved to death, it's a wonder. I've never seen anyone eat like a teenage boy. Or maybe I'm just used to Bella."

He winked at Bella as his eyes turned back towards the television, she glanced back at me, and clearly amused by the look on my face burst into another fit of giggles.

I sat rigidly on the couch for a minute, Charlie had never teased me before, and although I was pretty sure that was what had just happened, I couldn't help but wonder how serious he was being.

Suddenly I felt Bella lean into my side, she caught hold of my hand and pulled my arm around her shoulders again and shifted so she could whisper into my ear.

"Relax baby, he's kidding." She moved down into my side again, and I pulled her tightly to me.

We had only been in the house for half an hour or so, but somehow I was becoming somewhat relaxed. Bella seemed happy to be spending time with Charlie, and he was including me in their conversation as if I was… one of the family.

Even Billy seemed to have relaxed around me. Throughout our meal, he had watched every bite of food that I had taken, growing more uncertain by the minute, but even more so after Charlie's comment about the amount of food that I seemed to consume. His thoughts had become less hostile gradually, until even I started to believe that, _maybe_, this might have been a good idea.

I allowed myself to sit back and enjoy the game; I had always enjoyed Baseball, but rarely watched it. I was warm and comfortable on the couch, with Bella snuggled into my side, when suddenly a sound echoed outside that chilled me to the very marrow of my bones.

A loud wolf howl tore through the night, causing both me and Bella to jump. I felt the hairs on the back of my neck prickle, as Bella started to tremble beside me. I looked down in time to see her gazing up at me, unadulterated terror in her eyes.

"What was that, you got wolves round here Billy?" Charlie seemed to have noticed Bella's reaction to the sound, and touched her arm before he got up and looked out of the living room window.

"Yes, but they're not a problem. There have always been wolves on this land Charlie; they belong here as much as we do." Billy looked directly at me as he spoke; Charlie's back was to us as he looked out of the window, into the night. _Now we'll know for sure._

I looked at him in horror, what did he mean? Surely the wolf wasn't coming here?

"Well, if you're sure," Charlie replied, before he walked back towards us on the couch. "I've never seen a wolf round here before though."

_Count yourself lucky Charlie._

I cast my mind outwards, trying to find out how close the wolf actually was. I could hear it, but only just, its mind was still a fair distance away. But it was clear that it was there to watch me, to decide if I was a threat tonight, or not.

I tried to ignore it, but once I could hear the wolf, it was difficult to stop again. Whereas human minds needed my constant focus to hear them, this wolf was clearly something other, his mind actually more comparable to that of a vampire, than a human. I shivered at this realization, understanding a little more of the true nature of these creatures. My original assessment had been right: They were to be feared and avoided at all costs, even if I was excluded from the treaty, I would not be making a habit of calling.

Billy kept looking expectantly towards the door, but after ten or fifteen minutes had passed he stopped, clearly giving up on the visitor he had been expecting. I focused on him again, trying to work out from his thoughts whether tonight had made any impression on him.

… _He would be here by now if he could smell a vampire… and he was eating food… but how can I be sure he's really flesh and blood? Charlie and Bella… I can't leave them in danger…_

I caught myself in time to stop the growl of frustration that was making its way up my throat. Despite even the wolf seemingly convinced that I was of no risk, Billy's thoughts still seemed convinced that I must be a danger, someway or somehow, he was sure I was a fraud.

_What do I have to do to convince him?_

After the agony of this evening, I was determined that I would not be returning to Forks, only to be dragged away again by Carlisle. There was only one more thing that I could possibly think of that could convince Billy. He wanted to know if I was really and truly flesh and blood.

Well, he had seen the flesh; maybe it was time to show him the blood.

I nudged Bella gently, and caught her eye. I pointed at my now empty soda can on the table, and raised my eyebrows slightly. She grinned back at me and stood.

"Drinks anyone?" she asked brightly.

Billy simply shook his head, seemingly absorbed in the game, but Charlie nodded "Soda please, Bells, any more beer and you'll be driving me home tonight."

"Another soda would be great please, love," I replied, and she walked gracefully into the kitchen. Little did she know what I was about to do.

She brought back three cans, and passed them between us, before opening her own and sitting back against me. Charlie and Billy were arguing about a play that had just happened in the game, and hardly glanced up as she did.

I looked down at the can of soda in my hands, and gathered up all my willpower. I had discovered over the last couple of weeks that I wasn't a big fan of pain of any sort, and I wasn't looking forward to what I was about to do.

I opened the can quickly, but as I did it, I roughly ripped my thumb across the sharp edge of the can, pressing down as hard as I could, cutting through the pad of my thumb. My squawk of pain was quite authentic, as the carbonated drink got into the cut, making it sting.

"Edward, are you ok?" I felt bad for the look of genuine concern on Bella's face, as I held my thumb up to her. A large drop of blood quickly collected on the end of it, and dripped into my lap.

"I slipped," I said, as she took my hand into hers and examined it.

I looked up as she did, and Billy's face betrayed his shock at the sight of my blood.

"You silly thing, how on earth did you do that?" She took a tissue out of her pocket, and began to dab at the blood on my hand.

I braced myself for her to suddenly pass out, only now remembering her horror over blood, but she didn't. In fact she was calmly dabbing big red splodges of blood onto her tissue, not seeming to mind in the slightest.

"I don't know," I grumbled, wincing as she put pressure on the cut.

"Billy, have you got a band-aid, this is bleeding quite a lot." She continued to dab at my thumb, and I suddenly realised that she was waving the bloody red tissue quite openly in Billy's direction. _Clever girl._

Billy almost seemed to wake from a daze, before he turned in his chair and vanished from the room for a couple of minutes. Charlie had looked at my hand for a moment, then rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to the game; I couldn't help but smile at his reaction. Obviously a real man would not have drawn attention to such a minor injury.

A moment later Billy returned, clutching a small box, but rather than hand it to Bella he rolled his chair until he was directly in front of me. I jumped when his hand suddenly shot out and grasped mine, dragging my thumb closer to him. His hand felt hard and gnarled; there were calluses on both of them, probably from pushing the wheels of his chair. His mind was filled with one word.

…_warm!_

He was silent as he examined my thumb, pulling the cut apart again roughly, causing a few more drops of blood to trickle down my hand. I couldn't help but wince, and instinctively tried to pull away from him as he caused my thumb to throb harder. I was surprised by how strong his hands were, and I had to stop myself from struggling to get away from him, which was my first reaction as he crushed my fingers between his.

He breathed out a deep breath that he must have been holding, and a rush of tobacco and beer came over me. I swallowed, hoping that this examination would be over quickly.

Almost as soon as I thought it, he wrapped a band-aid around my thumb. It felt slippery over the blood that was now on my hand, but I didn't question it. I thanked him quietly, as he wheeled backwards, his eyes never leaving mine. I listened to his mind carefully, begging him internally to finally believe me.

… _he really is just a boy… no threat… but sweet Lord, what does that mean for him? _

I stopped listening hastily, relieved that he seemed finally convinced, but unwilling to listen to his thoughts on what that meant for my soul. The last thing I heard before I lost my focus on him was his wondering if it was better or worse for me, that I was now human. His thoughts were filled with pity, as he knew what I had once been, and what I must now live with.

I tried not to listen to him anymore, and I avoided looking at his face as the rest of the game played out. I knew his expression was one of compassion, for what he now saw as both a blessing and a curse. Again, I was amazed by his insight. In a few quick thoughts he seemed to understand so much of what I felt, but I couldn't listen to someone else thinking the things I was working so hard to bury in my own subconscious.

Suddenly the phone started to ring, but despite the fact that it was on the table right beside Billy, he seemed not to notice. After it had been ringing for nearly a minute, Charlie leaned to one side and picked it up.

"Hello… sure." Charlie knocked Billy's arm with the phone "It's for you… _surprisingly_. Some kid called Sam." Billy took the phone from him quickly, almost snatching it, and Charlie turned back to the game with a deep sigh.

"Sam? Yes…" Billy paused for quite a few seconds, as he listened to the person on the other end of the line. I remembered that Sam was the person that Billy had called when we first arrived, and I suspected that he was perhaps the wolf who had almost visited us earlier.

I tried to make out the conversation via Billy's thoughts, but he was too focused on watching me for me to understand what he was hearing. As soon as he started pitying me in his mind again, I hastily retreated, having to make do with just his side of the phone call.

Bella glanced towards me a couple of times, and I could see from her expression that she had also realised that Billy was on the phone to someone important. She took my hand, the one that wasn't around her shoulders, and squeezed it softly.

"I think I agree…" Billy almost surprised me when he spoke again, he had been silent for so long, while he focused on me. "No… something else."

Billy was clearly frustrated by having Charlie in the room during this conversation, but the phone was not cordless, so he had little choice but to stay where he was.

"Very well….. Yes Sam… Thank you. No, no, I'll do it. As soon as I can… I agree. Goodbye." He hung the phone back on the hook, and glanced at Charlie apprehensively, but he showed no sign of questioning Billy's mysterious call. His expression did not betray what had just happened, and he went back to watching the game, without acknowledging the fact that I had very clearly just listened closely to what had been said.

Part of me was desperate to investigate his mind again, to try and understand what had just transpired. But a bigger part simply couldn't face it. His thoughts had been very dark towards me so far that evening, and if the tribe were still insistent that I should be removed from Bella, I didn't want to find out in this house.

_I'll know soon enough._

Instead, I pulled Bella closer to me, and snuggled down into the sofa to watch the rest of the game. I tried to forget what might be coming this evening, and instead tried to just enjoy having her in my arms right now. I leant down slightly, and breathed in the soft scent of her hair, trying to commit it to my memory, just in case.

A little over an hour later, the game finished, and Charlie stood up.

"Time to go, we've both got work in the morning Bells."

"Sure Dad," she replied, standing up beside him and stretching, as I sat in shock.

_Work?_

"Thanks for this evening Billy, sorry to come and crash the party." Bella leant down and kissed his cheek as she spoke. I stood up hastily, not wanting to stay any longer than I had to.

"It's ok, you're always welcome Bells." Billy looked to me as he spoke, and gave a small nod. It was all the acknowledgement I could expect with Charlie there, but it was enough. I didn't doubt that he would agree to allow me to be excluded from the treaty now, even if his pity towards me was not something I had either asked for or desired.

We walked outside, and Bella and I jumped into her truck, as Charlie stayed on the doorstep with Billy for a moment.

"See you at home Dad," Bella called out as she slammed the door, before she turned to me. "See, we didn't get eaten by a giant wolf or anything."

She looked delighted that her plan had played out so well, and I was sorry to have to mention the welcoming committee we were likely to be going home to.

"I'd better call Carlisle and let him know we're ok. They're likely to be going crazy about this." But before I could even pull my phone out of my pocket, Bella tried to start the truck, and the most hideous noise I've ever heard came from under the bonnet.

"What the…" she muttered, as she tried again. This time nothing happened, the starter motor worked, but the engine did not even sputter.

"Let me take a look." I got out of the truck, and she popped the hood, before she got out and joined me.

The lid of the hood was covered in a thick explosion of oil, and the rest of the engine seemed to be bathed in it as well. I looked at it closely, and could hardly even dare to hope, but it looked as if the end was nigh.

Suddenly, I felt a presence behind me, and I turned to find Jacob peering over my shoulder. A moment later, Bella jumped when he leaned over her. He had approached us almost silently. No, this boy was not a wolf yet, but give it time.

"What ya looking at?" he said, and I stepped out of his way. I was fairly sure that the engine was beyond repair, but Bella wouldn't believe that if I told her so, knowing how much I despised her truck.

"I think it's broken…" Bella mumbled. I could see her bottom lip trembling, and I put my hand on her lower back to soothe her.

"Oh my God Bells!" Jacob nudged her in the side, and his thoughts betrayed the fact that he was really rather sorry for my presence. "You killed it!"

By now Charlie was standing next to us as well, a concerned look on his face.

"As in, like, dead?" Bella stuttered, and I began to rub circles into her back. I was glad for the passing of the truck, but not the sorrow it would cause her.

Jacob brought a spanner out from his back pocket and tinkered with the engine for a moment, suddenly removing part of it and looking at it up close.

"Your head gasket's blown, but if that happens, you need to stop right away. I think you've damaged it beyond repair. Did you keep driving, even after it started to smoke?"

"Well, I didn't really notice any smoke." She looked at him defiantly, and I couldn't help the little chuckle that came out unbidden as she scowled at him.

"There was smoke. Quite a lot actually, but we were in a hurry," I said quietly. She turned to me with a surprised expression, as Jacob nodded knowingly.

"Sure, sure, you see, that's your problem. Hell, look at this." He pointed to the large amount of oil that was now trickling down the inside of the hood in front of us. "If your engine does something like that, you stop, Bells."

"Can you fix it Jake?" Charlie said. I groaned internally.

_Please say no!_

"No, I don't think so. This engine looks… dead. The price of a new one would be a lot more than the truck's worth, even scrap." Jacob looked disappointed, but my mind was now otherwise engaged, as I mentally scrolled through all of the cars that I might like to buy for Bella.

We all stood and looked at the dead Chevy in silence for a few minutes. Bella was clearly upset at its passing, and I could hear in Jacob's thoughts that he was sad to see it go too. It seemed the only other person who didn't feel any affection for the thing was Charlie, who simply seemed to be worrying about the cost of replacing it. As if he needed to.

After a few minutes he reminded Bella of the fact that they were both working tomorrow, and we all made our way to the cruiser. Jacob said that he would get the truck towed for us in the morning, and we said goodnight.

And that was how I found myself sitting in the back of the cruiser for our return home. Both Bella and Charlie seemed to find this rather amusing, with them taking it in turns to hum police TV show theme tunes as we drove home. After a few minutes of scowling as they alternated in their little game, I turned to look out of the window.

We were headed towards the treaty line, and as we reached it, by the side of the road, I saw what I had expected to see. Jasper stood in the moonlight, hidden in the forest for the most part, but because I knew exactly where he would be, I couldn't miss him. As we drove past I saw that he was on his phone, and I knew that when we got home, I was likely to have a welcoming committee.

I spent the rest of the drive worrying about my family's reaction to Bella's little stunt this evening, and wondering who would be coming for me. Billy had seemed more convinced of my humanity by the time we left this evening, but I hadn't been able to make myself listen to his thoughts once he had started to pity me for my circumstances. He wondered how I would live with the guilt of all I had done as a vampire, now that I was human again. The one question he never thought to ask himself though was _how I'd lived with it before._

But the fact was, I believed that, whatever his opinion now, it was too late. The meeting between my family and the Quileute had been aggressive, so it was too much for me to hope that Billy would run straight to them to inform them he had changed his mind. My fate already seemed to be decided, for now at least.

We arrived home late, and Charlie bade us goodnight and went upstairs to bed as soon as we were in the front door. But I knew that things would not be so easy for me tonight.

I did not doubt that Carlisle, and maybe more of them, were waiting to speak to me. If nothing else, they would be expecting me to be leaving with them this evening, even after all that had occurred in La Push. I didn't want to drag Bella into this though, they would undoubtedly be angry, and I decided that rather than risk waking Charlie with raised voices, I would go outside for this conversation. Alone.

"Bella, why don't you head up to bed, I'll be up in a minute." I hoped she would go without argument, but even as I thought it, I knew better.

"This evening was my fault Edward, you should at least let me explain that to Carlisle myself," she replied, as she folded her arms across her chest and faced me.

"Bella… I have to do this. I promise I will be back in a few minutes." I held up my hand as she started to protest. "Please, this is between me and them."

She looked uncertain for a minute, before nodding slightly. She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around me, and held me tightly to her as she buried her face in my chest.

"I love you Edward," she said, her voice shaking. "I'm sorry if I did the wrong thing this evening, I just couldn't let you go without a fight." I could feel her tears on my shirt, and I held her a little tighter. There had been enough tears today.

"Shhh." I ran my fingers over her hair, and leant down to kiss the top of her head. "Thank you for what you did. Now stop it, I'll be back in fifteen minutes, tops."

I turned around and headed out of the back door into the yard. I knew she was watching me as I went, but I didn't turn around, I didn't want her to see the fear that must have been etched deeply into my features.

It was dark in the yard, clouds had covered the moon, hiding most of the little light that had been visible earlier. I stepped forward, able to see just enough from the kitchen light to make it to the centre of Bella's lawn. I wanted to be far enough from the house that she would not be able to hear our conversation.

"Carlisle?" I called, I was certain he had to be here, somewhere.

"Nope," a cheery voice called, and suddenly Alice appeared by my side. "He's at home with Jasper, trying to calm down the beginnings of World War Three. _Thanks_ for that, by the way."

Her tone was cheery, but I could see in what little light we had, that she was scowling at me, and her thoughts betrayed the tumult that we had just put them all through.

"I'm sorry…" I couldn't quite make myself apologise for Bella's actions though. It had been rash to drag me to La Push, literally kicking and screaming, but now it seemed as if it had indeed been the only option.

"No you're not, Edward," she sighed. "You have to admit though, you got lucky. Yours and Bella's exploits this evening could have turned out very differently."

"I know, but they didn't, and Billy Black now seems to be convinced that I'm no longer a threat."

"Yes, as soon as I saw you'd left, Carlisle called him. Billy has spoken to the new Chief of the tribe; you are no longer included in the terms of the treaty; you may come and go as you please, and live where you choose."

"I thought that he was the Chief of the tribe?" In our previous meeting with the Quileute, when we first returned to the area, it had been made very clear that Billy was indeed the leader and decision maker for the tribe.

"It appears that, that is no longer the case. Carlisle suspects that the first of the men to become a wolf, also automatically became the new Chief at the same time. Either way, you have your freedom."

I heaved an enormous sigh of relief, and sat down on the grass heavily, quite shocked. I had been certain that Alice was here to take me back with her, and the news that I could keep my promise to Bella, and return to her within a few minutes, left my legs feeling weak. Quickly I felt the wet from the grass seeping through my jeans, and I stood up again, all under Alice's watchful gaze.

"What's going on at home?" I suddenly remembered her comment about the outbreak of World War Three, and hoped that Bella and I hadn't caused everyone too much upset.

"Oh well, let me see," she began, the tone of her voice was rather sarcastic, and I could see that, however well she was hiding it, she was pretty pissed off with me. "Esme was having kittens because her, now human, favourite son rushed off to somewhere that his very presence gave the locals permission to kill him. Carlisle was trying to calm her down, while going through exactly the same thing.

"Rosalie wants to come and kill you herself, for putting the rest of us at risk, obviously. Emmett wants to go and have a punch up with the wolves, mainly because Rosalie couldn't find a goddamned Unicorn, and is being a bitch. Oh, and Jasper just wants everyone to calm the hell down."

"Oh, they're back then?" I winced as Alice growled at me slightly. I had hardly ever heard her swear before, so three times at once threw me for a second. "Sorry…"

"Yes, Carlisle made them return from their extended hunting trip after last night's debacle. They turned up just in time for me to see both you and Bella vanish, then for you to ignore my phone calls, while I panicked and sent everyone off on a wild goose chase to try and find you."

"I'm sorry Alice… How are you?" I asked her, and her eyes softened slightly.

"I'm glad you're safe. But I'm also sorry that you're human these days, as I'd truly like to give you a good slap, and I can see that I would really hurt you if I did it right now."

I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around my tiny sister. "I'm sorry, I should have answered your calls, but I was busy having my own panic attack at the time, at Bella."

"You realize Edward, that it's the wolves that block my visions, not just La Push. Your fate must have been in the wolves hands at some point tonight."

"I know, I heard it outside the house. It didn't stay very long, it wasn't interested in me, I was just another human. In his thoughts he sounded almost disappointed; I think he was looking forward to a fight after last night." Alice was nodding as I spoke, a look of worry on her face.

"You seem to be ok with them now, but last night was very difficult Edward. Carlisle was talking about possibly moving all of us on last night, now that there are wolves on the reservation again. It's one thing while we're all sticking to the treaty, but the wolves were very aggressive, Jasper was worried."

I nodded my understanding. I felt frustrated that suddenly my family was one member down, making them that bit more exposed to any dangers around them. I was relieved to hear that Emmett and Rosalie were home again though; they were all that bit safer as their numbers increased.

"Anyway," Alice's voice had taken on the sing-song quality that she used to tease me. "I'm sure you have better things to do than talk to me all night. Bella has been pacing up and down in her bedroom ever since you got out here. Honestly Edward, please don't pass on all of your terrible habits to my sister."

Alice squeezed me around the ribs, I'm sure she thought it was gently, but I couldn't help the little squeak that came out as she crushed me.

"Goodnight Edward," she said as she vanished back into the dark.

"Goodnight Alice," I said after her, the relief that I wasn't going with her hitting me yet again as she left.

I turned and ran back into the house, pausing only to lock the back door, before I charged up the stairs, as quietly as I could.

Before I reached it, Bella's door swung open, and she threw herself at me.

"Oh thank God," she whispered as I carried her back into the bedroom and shut the door, her arms wrapped tightly around my neck and her legs around my hips. "I wasn't sure if he was going to take you back home or not."

"It was Alice, but Carlisle has spoken to Billy. He's relented, I am now longer party to the treaty, and I can come and go as I please." I didn't tell her that things for the rest of my family seemed to have been made more difficult by the preceding day's events; there seemed to be little point in worrying her over something she could not control.

I held her for a little longer, before I set her back on her feet, and we both got ready for bed. It was past midnight by now, and I knew that Bella was going to have to be up in less than six hours for work; something which I was determined would not be the case for much longer.

In a matter of minutes we were snuggled up together in our new queen sized bed, the size of it seeming rather unnecessary, seeing as we were so wrapped around each other.

"Bella," I started, I wasn't sure how to put this, but I hoped that our conversation regarding money this afternoon was still fresh in her mind. "I would like you to resign from Newton's tomorrow."

"_Why_?" She sounded slightly irritated already, but I pushed ahead anyway.

"Because you don't need to work, and maybe someone else out there does." _Ha! Bet she didn't see that coming._

"Yes, I'm certain your concern is all for some nameless individual who needs my job," she said with a smirk.

"Of course it isn't. I would like to be able to spend my weekends with you once we go back to school. Plus, with all the extra workload of senior year, our time will become more limited. It seems ridiculous for you to cut it even shorter by working all day Saturday, at minimum wage."

"And what makes you think that things have changed since the last time we had this conversation, Edward? In case you've forgotten, I now also need to buy myself a new car."

I pinched my nose between my thumb and forefinger in frustration, surely she wasn't serious? "Even after our conversation this afternoon? Everything I have is yours, Bella, please take it!"

"I still need some independence, I can't let you give me everything I need, however much money you have." She was trying to look determined, but for once I could see that she was actually capable of being swayed on this point.

"Please Bella. I swear to God, if you don't, I'll go and throw money at the Newtons until they sell the shop to me, and then I'll fire you! And as for the car, don't be so silly. We'll go and pick you one up tomorrow."

"No!" she squealed. I put my hand over her mouth quickly, as I really didn't want her to wake Charlie up.

"You can't just buy me a car!" she whispered now, pushing my hand away from her face.

"Of course I can, Bella, it's just a car, and you need one." I shrugged, but her refusal to allow me to give her anything, _yet again_, hurt my feelings quite deeply. I couldn't help but wonder if her reasons to keep her independence were driven by the fact that she didn't expect me to be in her life permanently, and didn't want to feel beholden to me.

She looked at me for a few seconds, and slowly her demeanor changed. She sighed, and then rolled over slightly, until she was lying on top of my chest, looking deep into my eyes.

"Ok. But - not yet, call it a birthday present or something." I smiled at her words, and relaxed under her. "But nothing ridiculous, just something sensible! I don't want to stand out in the car park at school."

"Very well Bella, a birthday present it is." I was delighted that she had given in at last, and I hoped that maybe I was finally getting through to her. "What about work?"

"I'll talk to Mrs. Newton tomorrow. But I won't leave until they can get a replacement, I don't want to leave them short staffed."

"Of course not." I nodded sagely as she stared into my eyes, trying desperately not to show quite how elated I was.

"You're not very good at that anymore you know." She quirked an eyebrow at me, and smiled a wry smile.

"What?"

"Hiding your feelings from me. I can tell how pleased you are that you've got your own way!" She leant down and kissed me firmly on the mouth, I could feel my body responding to her immediately, but she pulled away again. "Just don't think it's going to be a regular thing, ok?"

"Ok." I allowed a broad smile to cross my lips as she leaned down to kiss me again.

We shifted back to our usual sleeping positions a few moments later. I could feel just how tired Bella was, and she drifted off to sleep almost immediately, curled into my chest.

I spent a little while trying to get to sleep that night, my mind a swirl of wolves and vampires and thoughts from what had been an incredibly long day.

But for the most part I tried not to dwell on it. Bella's agreement to allow me to buy her a birthday present, and an expensive one at that, left a whole spectrum of possibilities open to me. As well as cars, many other things crossed my mind that I wanted to buy her, and the fact that I might at last get to spoil her, left me feeling quite delighted. By the time I drifted off that night, I had quite the shopping list built up in my mind, and I had resolved that her eighteenth birthday would be a day to remember.

* * *

**A/N – Firstly, thank you to all of you who review, I read and love every one of them!**

**Secondly, rec time:**

"**Hide and Drink", was recced on Edward Wallbanger this week (if you're not reading Wallbanger, you're missing something!), and I love it. On Twilighted only though.**

"**Good Fortune" by Robotmoose is also rather good, I found it over at The Writers Coffee Shop….**

**Finally, review, as I've been beavering away hard for you this week, so as to prevent any interruption to services!**

**Til next time,**

**Ria**


	21. A Bear with a Sore Head

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight!

Thanks as always to my beta venomaddict, and to Cullenfest for pre-reading ;)

It's time to leave Edward and Bella to some private time during their last couple of days before school starts, but Edward's newfound humanity is affecting a lot more people than just them though… This chapter is shorter than most, but Emmet is a lot less verbose than Edward and Bella, he uses the f-bomb a lot more than they do too. I leave you with; A bear with a sore head.

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**Emmett**

I had been sitting in the same tree since it was still dark.

I'd watched the sunrise, as little as it was visible today, through the thick clouds and misting rain. The cold and wet didn't bother me, but I missed the pleasant warmth of the sun on my skin. Hunting during the summer had been a blast, and Rosie and I had made the most of the sun this year, in the peace and privacy of the forest.

_Let's just say, my baby sparkles in all the right places._

Not that much of that kind of thing had gone on during our hunting trip over the last couple of weeks.

Rose had been relentless. We had covered thousands of miles in a week and a half, searching from one end of the country to the other for her goddamned unicorn. But nothing had come of it, as Alice had already warned me would be the case. I had hoped that maybe after a few days of searching and not finding anything, she would give up, remember how great life actually was, and then carry on with what we usually did on extended hunting trips…

The longer we looked though, the more agitated she became. She began to vent at me; how jealous she was that Edward lucked out, how much she desperately wanted the same, how much she hated her life.

_Our life._

Now, I'm not feeling too despondent. Every time she said it, she always said she wanted _my _babies, not just any babies, _mine_. And I'd do anything for her, and if I could, I would search under every rock on this whole planet to find something that she wanted this badly…

Alice had set me straight on Friday night when we got back though. Me and Rosie weren't going to be finding any unicorns, however long we looked for, and I decided that enough was enough.

You see, I like my life. I get why Rosie wants more, I do, but me? I'm happy.

I get to wrestle grizzly bears when I want, have great sex with my beautiful wife, and pretty much do whatever the hell I like most of the time. I don't have any worries. I can't get sick. I have enough money in the bank that if I wanted to buy myself a football team, I could.

_Though that might be difficult to explain to Rosie…_

When Carlisle told us we weren't going to be getting into a fight with the locals after all (shame that), I had hoped we could stay at home for a bit, and work out what we wanted to do next. We weren't enrolled for school or college this year, so I'd thought maybe another honeymoon might be in order.

Rose had other ideas of course, and was currently off hunting again, for her very own white whale.

When I refused to go with her this time, she didn't even yell. I'd expected her to; maybe I'd feel better if she had. She just kissed me, and said she was sorry, before she walked out of the door, for who knows how long?

_Which is why I'm sitting in this fucking tree._

I'd seen the sun rise, and a couple of hours later I watched as Charlie loaded his police car up with fishing rods and drove off.

I'd listened carefully as Eddie and Bella woke up an hour or two later. I'm not a complete fucking stalker (unlike some), so I wasn't sitting in the tree outside her bedroom window. Who knows what the fuck my pervy little brother got up to in that tree during his stalker period? I don't want to know, so I'm staying well away.

No, instead I was sitting in a tree on the opposite side of the road, listening as they stirred, not wanting to wake them, as from what I'd heard it hadn't been a great night. Edward seemed to wake up every hour or two, doing anything from shouting to whimpering, and every time Bella woke with him, and comforted him. I even remembered that people like to sleep in on Sunday mornings, and these two were going back to school tomorrow. I thought they had enough shit to deal with in their lives.

Plus, I needed to talk to Edward in his best mood possible; as it turned out, I needed a little favour from him. You see, according to Carlisle, the reason Edward was able to find this damned creature was that he still possessed his v-card, and I was hoping he might want to come and be bait for me.

_Not for me, you understand, for the unicorn. I mean, if I was going to bite him, I'd have done it already._

That was the plan. Right up until I heard what he and Bella were up to as soon as they woke up this morning.

_If I wasn't so pissed off right now; I'd be pleased that Eddie finally worked out what to do with it._

While I was glad for my little bro that he was finally getting laid, it left me without a plan. I sat in my tree, and unfortunately continued to listen, as they proved to me quite how too late I was to make use of his v-card, and tried to figure out what to do next.

I heard the footsteps long before they landed on the branch next to me, but I didn't move to greet them as they were both settled down on my branch.

"Hey Emmett," Alice said, from one side of me.

"Hey Bro." Jasper had settled on the other side, leaving me sandwiched between them.

"Hey," I replied, not quite able to rouse anything more interesting.

I could feel Jasper trying to cheer me up, and it worked to some degree. I looked up, and shifted my gaze between them for a moment.

"Why did no one tell me that Eddie had upped his game? It might have saved me a wasted trip," I grumbled.

"Sorry Emmett, it wasn't the first thing that came to mind when you got back last night…" Alice grinned her cheeky little grin, and she knew she was forgiven. "… you know, what with being at war with the wolves, and Edward and Bella suddenly vanishing from their future. I guess that should have all paled into insignificance compared to the fact that Edward finally got laid."

"Maybe you should have published an announcement Alice," Jasper drawled, in his own smart-assed manner.

"Emmett would have come anyway, he wants to talk to Edward," Alice said confidently, and she was right.

"I do, but not right now."

"Why… Oh. Well, they can't do that all day…" Alice wrinkled her nose slightly, only now paying attention to the noises coming from Bella's room across the street.

"You'd think." I seemed to have been listening to this for quite some time.

We sat quietly on the branch for a while, Alice pumping her legs back and forth madly, as if she was on a swing. As we sat, and Eddie continued to boink my baby sister's brains out, my annoyance at the whole fucking situation boiled over.

"Am I the only one who can see how fucked up all this is?" I virtually yelled, pretty suddenly. Anyone else would have been surprised by such an outburst, but both Alice and Jasper had been sitting waiting expectantly for it, for some time. Boring fuckers.

"How do you mean, Emmett?" Alice asked me, stopping the legs waggling as she turned to look at me.

"Well, last night for a start. I mean - MAN! What did they think we were going to do with him if he came home? The way Bella dragged him down to Furface central, you'd think we'd been ringing the fucking dinner bell on his arrival!

"I mean, it's his home! Not here! Esme was so pleased that he was coming home, ok, not the best circumstances, but _still_. I fucking resent the insinuation that as soon as he came back home he wasn't safe! He's a lot safer with us than he was down with those sorry fucking furry assed bastards! But, oh no, off they run, somewhere we can't even follow them to check they're ok, I mean - CHRIST! Did Bella seriously have no idea how goddamned dangerous her little flit was last night?

"Someone needs to fill that chick in on all the details soon, before she gets the Volturi raining hell down on all our asses. And why did she do it? All because, they seem to think that if he comes back home, one of us is going to fancy a midnight snack. DUDE! GET A GRIP! As if I'd want my lips on him anyway. Urgh!" Once I get up a head of steam, I find it hard to stop. It's a problem, I know.

"And now Rosie's gone after her own fucking unicorn, and with the amount of sex we've had - she's not got a hope in hell, according to Carlisle, but she doesn't care. So she's gone. And Edward's gone. And even Bella's gone. And I _miss them!_

"I just miss them all. Home doesn't feel like home anymore," I mumbled as my tirade ended. I felt a bit better, but that might have just been the happy chappy vibes that Jasper was sending me.

"I know Emmett." Alice put her teeny tiny little arm around me, well, ok, half way around me, but the thought was there, and gave me a squeeze.

"I thought the point of being a vampire was that nothing ever had to change." I could hear that I sounded like a sulky child, but I felt a bit fucking sulky, to be frank.

"It's really not been very long since Edward changed you know, Emmett. It's only been two weeks, we have to give him a chance to calm down and get used to the way things are now," Alice said. I put my arm around her, and gave her a proper hug.

"I'm sure that they didn't mean to hurt us yesterday." Jasper dropped down out of the tree as he spoke, wandering further into the forest, away from the house. Alice and I followed him, I think we'd all heard enough this morning about how fabulous Bella thought Eddie was in bed, to last us all a lifetime.

"You know how Edward is prone to overreact," Alice agreed.

"They were both so stressed out in Seattle yesterday," Jasper said, sitting down on an old fallen down tree, as we prepared to wait for the end of the show in Bella's bedroom. "Edward was doing his best to hide it, but he was terrified, and stressed as hell. Bella wasn't much better; she's feeling very tense and anxious at the moment. She's taken on so much in looking after Edward while he finds his feet; it's taking a toll on her."

"They didn't spot that you were following them, did they?" I asked. Carlisle had decided that he wasn't happy with Edward and Bella being out of our sight while the threat of the wolves was in place, and had sent Jasper to watch them early Friday morning, as soon as he had spoken to Edward on the phone. Jasper had found that this task meant that he had to follow them around Seattle all day, having his very own stalker moment.

"No, I kept my distance. I just stayed close enough to be able to keep an eye on them." He shrugged as shortie sat in his lap, and I crashed down onto the forest floor in front of them both. "To be honest, being too close to the pair of them is hard work for me at the moment."

"Huh?"

"Their emotions are so intense right now, it's quite overwhelming. Both of them are so extreme in their emotions, love, passion, happiness, fear, anxiety. _Lust_. I really don't know how they're taking it; they're giving _me _fucking whiplash, just being in their proximity."

"I don't think they were being _that _unreasonable yesterday, anyway." Alice said, snuggling into Jasper far too closely for me to want to watch.

_Man, I miss Rosie._

"They seemed to think, that we were going to _eat_ him, Alice," I growled, still feeling pissed.

"But that wasn't really the problem Emmett, not really and truly," she insisted. "Bella feels like Edward's her responsibility at the moment, plus everything between them is crazy intense right now. She doesn't want him out of her sight… or bed."

"Yeah, I heard about that all right." _Those_ are memories that I hope my vampire brain can get shot of pretty quickly.

"Not just that, though you're not wrong. What I mean is, you were here this morning Emmett, he's still having nightmares isn't he?" she continued.

"Yeah."

"You know Bella, she worries. The thought of leaving Edward alone overnight with us… I think it would have driven her crazy."

"Then she should have come with him. I'm not so keen on her being around the mutts either." I still felt hard done by, but I was starting to get over it. A bit.

"Er… Charlie? He's been remarkably good taking Edward in, I don't think any of us should want to throw that back in his face."

"And Edward is still genuinely afraid," Jasper managed to get a word in edgeways, while Alice gasped for breath. "I'm sure it's mainly instinctive, but at the moment he's got a lot to deal with. I think we all need to give him a bit of a break here. Esme didn't hold it against him."

"What's he having nightmares about anyway? Life seems pretty good to me…" I just didn't get it, what had him so messed up? I thought he'd wanted to be human?

"I think it's his mind processing everything." Jasper looked off into the distance for a second.

_Oh yeah, shit, he's done psychology like 3 times at college. Man, this could get long._

Jasper obviously caught my boredom, and rolled his eyes at me, as he continued anyway. "The human mind processes what's happened to it during the day while it sleeps, I wonder how much of the dreams Edward's having are like he's playing catch-up, processing the events of the last ninety years. Add that to the fact that he is all too aware of how frail he is now compared to what he's used to, his new human instincts sending adrenaline round his system every time he gets a bit stressed, and the biggest guilt complex walking this earth, I'm not surprised it's leading to broken nights really.

"His mind can probably still remember every human life he's taken, every time he's had to fight another vampire. To be honest, he would probably benefit from therapy in some shape or form.

"I'm not sure how well that would play out though…" Jasper barked a short laugh, and Alice suddenly did the same.

"He'd get committed if he actually tried to explain what was going on!" Alice giggled.

"Yes, I can just see it," I agreed. "'I'm having nightmares because I used to be a vampire, oh, but I'm not anymore…' - one way ticket to the loony bin." I could see Jasper nodding, and I started to see his point.

"He's still Edward." Alice smiled a sad smile as she spoke, and I could see that she missed him as much as I did. "He _will_ come around Emmett, give him time."

"Ok… I suppose." _Yeah, yeah, alright_.

So, where did that leave me? A couple of weeks ago I was looking forward to getting a new baby sister, now I seem to have lost my brother as well as her. Plus, to top it off, like the biggest fucking cherry on the cake, my Rosie had gone.

"Emmett…" Alice called me, and after a couple of seconds I looked up at her, still feeling pretty fucking crappy. "Rosalie is already on her way home. She'll be back in a couple of hours."

It took me a good half a second to absorb what she'd said, I was so happy.

"She is? Why the hell didn't you say so already Tink?" I jumped up and grabbed her off of Jazz's lap, and swung her around my shoulders a couple of times.

"She literally just decided for sure, Em. Will you _please_ let me down; I am _not_ a Barbie doll!" I set her down on her feet, and she scowled at me, but I could see that she was smiling really. "And, why don't we just go and see Edward. I'm sure they can't still be Rocking the Casbah, he is only human these days… _Oh_." She rolled her eyes as she grimaced slightly. "Maybe we'll give them another twenty minutes. But then, let's just go and see them. I'm sure they'll be pleased to see us!"

We waited in the forest a little longer, until Alice called the all clear. The thought of arriving at some inconvenient moment didn't really appeal to me… Eddie was going to be getting enough shit from me once I got there anyway, I didn't really need to see the evidence.

Alice was right, of course, and both Edward and Bella were thrilled to see us. I stayed for a couple of hours, and managed to get both of them blushing so hard they were making me thirsty. I didn't know that Eddie blushed as a fleshy, but now it's my new mission in life to make him do it. He's nearly as funny as Bella these days, except he doesn't fall down as much.

We hung out, and I realised that actually, I did still have my brother; I just could actually beat him at wrestling these days. The third time I pounced on him and pinned him though, Jasper took his side and yanked me off, which I thought was a bit harsh, seeing as he'd sat on me, like, a million times over the years.

He then dared me to eat his breakfast, which of course I did. What I didn't realize was that the little fucker had made a fake breakfast, and whatever that fatty muck was that he made me eat, came barreling back up pretty damn quickly. Everyone seemed to think that was hysterical, but dude, it was gross.

A while later, Alice suddenly went all wobbly eyed on us, and announced that Rosie would be home in ten minutes. So I made my goodbyes, and set off, ready to meet her, and make up in the same way we always did.

_Hell yeah!_

It wasn't until I was about half way home, that I realized that Alice hadn't actually told me _why_ Rosie was coming home, just that she was. I'd assumed that she was just coming home, but what if she'd found what she was looking for? What if she was half way to being human again? What if she had the thing slung over her shoulders, ready for me to take a bite? Did I want to?

I stopped running, as fast as I had begun. I continued on my way home, but at human pace, not actually sure what I was going to be faced with when I got there. I _really_ didn't want to be human again. Life's too good, too easy as it is. Why would I want to go and get old and fat? And to be honest, I know Rosie likes babies, but they always sounded a bit like hard work to me…

_What am I going to say to her if she turns up with a unicorn over her shoulders?_

_Fuck!_

_Ok, probably, but what next?_

My pace slowed, until I was virtually going backwards. I was seriously beginning to consider turning tail and getting the fuck out of there, when suddenly my baby stepped out in front of me.

"Boo!" she said, knowing full well that she didn't make me jump, but it's a game we play. I tend to be the boo-er, rather than the boo-ee though…

"Baby!" In a fraction of a second she was in my arms, her arms wrapped tightly around my neck and her legs round my waist.

"I'm sorry Emmett," she mumbled into my neck, in a tone that I hardly even recognised from her, she actually _sounded_ sorry.

She looked up and kissed me, her tongue plunging into my mouth as she gripped me tighter with her thighs. My dick immediately recognised her presence, and tried to make himself known, but I tried to just control myself for once, for God's sake. I needed to know why she was back.

After a pretty fucking spectacular kiss, I eased her away slightly, and looked into her rather sheepish eyes.

"I'm not the psychic one Rose; you have to tell me why you came back." I made every effort to be serious, as I needed to know the score here. If I let this go on much longer, I'd do whatever the woman asked me, as my brain would no longer have anything to do with my actions. I really didn't want to come round from a hard-on induced mental break, only to find I'd chowed down on unicorn and was no longer able to move faster than a speeding bullet.

"I said I was sorry Emmett." She pulled away from me and crossed her arms. Classic defensive posture, she actually felt bad about something.

_Ok, this should be good. _"What are you sorry for, baby?"

"For crying out loud, Emmett," she growled, but then seemed to calm herself. "I'm sorry I went without you, ok? I realised that if I can't be human with you… I'd rather not be. Alright?"

"Ok baby." That was probably the best, and most thorough apology anyone in the world has ever received from Rosalie, so it would do me. "I love you Rosie."

"I love you too Emmett, you big ape."

And, now I know I've not got anything else to worry about, I'm pretty keen to get down to some rocking of the Casbah myself….

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**A/N – I always say it, but always mean it; Thank you to everyone who reviews, every time my email pings, it just makes my day!**

**I have 2 fabulously funny recs for you this week:**

**Bad Fauxmance – Stella Luna Sky, Edward's pretending to be gay…. Only one chapter and a prologue up so far, but so funny! In my favourites.**

**The Misapprehension of Bella Swan Regarding the Inferior Intellect of Hockey Whores – hunterhunting. Edward's the hockey whore in question… again, so funny. I'm reading this one on Twilighted, why not pay a visit?**

**Til next time,**

**Ria**


	22. The Last First Day

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight!

Many thanks to my beta venomaddict for betaing this monster so quickly, and with only some complaining ;).

This is an unedited NC17/MA rated chapter, if you're not old enough to buy porn, _don't read it!_

* * *

**Bella**

As we pulled into the parking lot that Monday morning, I couldn't help but groan aloud. Where had the summer gone? It seriously wasn't time for school already, was it? _Was it?_

Edward's shiny new black BMW stood out even more than the Volvo had, and as I caught some of the many stares aimed at us, I cursed the fact that my truck was definitely beyond repair. Jacob had got a friend to tow it back to my house the day after our visit to La Push, but unfortunately it was now only capable of standing on the street as a piece of art, a tribute to the bygone era of American motor vehicles. As more eyes lingered on Edward's BMW, I scowled, wondering if maybe I could convince him to have my truck repaired for me instead of buying me a new car for my birthday, which he had somehow managed to get me to agree to…

As Edward parked, my mind wandered back to Friday night after our visit to the wolves, and I wondered how, exactly, Edward had managed to get his way quite so easily. Not only had I agreed to allow him to buy me a new car for my birthday, but, at his request, on Saturday I had resigned my job at Newton's store.

I had expected Mrs. Newton to ask me to work some kind of notice period, but in fact she seemed almost relieved, and allowed me to return home as soon as I cleared out my locker. It appeared that once the summer season was over, there wasn't really the work to keep me, but she hadn't liked to say anything. Part of me felt sorry for the loss of the independence my job had afforded me, but another was glad that the Newton's hadn't had to continue to keep me in employment, when they clearly couldn't afford it.

Mike had been gutted, and tried to convince me that we should have a leaving drink Saturday evening to say goodbye. When I pointed out to him that we'd see each other at school on Monday, I couldn't quite make out his reply, but he didn't sound pleased. I knew that he and Jessica had broken up the week before, and I wondered if he was lonely. But when I suggested that maybe he would like to go to a movie with me and Edward that night, he suddenly realised he had plans after all.

As I'd not had to work on Saturday, Edward and I got to spend the whole weekend together, and it was perfect. On Sunday, Emmett, Alice and Jasper dropped in on us for a while, and I was relieved at how relaxed Edward was in their company. It was the first time since his change that Edward had seen Jasper, and I knew that he had been concerned about it, but there had been nothing to fear after all. We had spent a good morning together, until Emmett had to leave to meet Rosalie, and we had plans to meet up later in the week.

But that wasn't even the best thing that had happened this weekend.

Both Friday and Saturday night Edward had woken again and again with nightmares, from what he had been saying in his sleep, they were undoubtedly caused by the wolves this time. However last night… he slept soundly. I had even woken a couple of times myself, my body becoming used to the broken nights, but he didn't stir. In fact, during the night when I checked on him, his face was serene.

Waking this morning he had seemed different; content, relaxed. I hardly dared hope, but Carlisle had assured me that the dreams would fade, and I was beginning to believe it.

His expression had remained relaxed as we got ready for school this morning, and he seemed happy to be beginning the new school year. His skin was now a warm golden color, mainly from the sun in Florida, and today he seemed to be glowing, radiating peace and contentment. It was contagious, and despite the fact that I was disappointed that our summer was over, just being in his presence today left me feeling like all was right in the world.

I realized that I was staring at him when he raised an eyebrow at me, and smirked. The car had stopped, and Edward was watching me, watching him, as I wondered over how fresh faced he looked this morning.

"Seen something you like?" he said, as I blushed slightly at having been caught ogling.

"Always." I leant towards him, and he met me in the middle, brushing his lips across mine softly.

He pulled away as quickly as he'd kissed me, and before I knew it he was out of the car and making his way around to my side. The parking lot was busy, and as we hurried inside the school building I felt almost jostled by the crowd of students around me. It was raining gently as we moved, and there was a chill in the air that had been absent over the summer. I shivered, and made a mental note to find my heavy coat out from the back of my wardrobe this evening.

The first job of the day was to pickup our new timetables, and we split up to go to our assigned homerooms. Classes would start third period, and we agreed to meet at my locker to compare notes before then. I kissed Edward goodbye, and watched as he disappeared into the crowd. For some reason, my chest felt tight as I watched him go, and I had to physically make myself turn from where I had last seen him as he walked into the crowd. As I did, I found myself face to face with Alice.

"Alice!" I grabbed her and hugged her to me; suddenly realising that school would mean that I would get to see her every day again.

"Bella! We're in the same homeroom this year," she laughed as I hugged her as if I hadn't seen her in weeks, not hours. "And where's this coming from?"

"I just realised we get to see each other every day again! I've missed you."

"I've missed you too," she said as she linked her arm through mine, and led me into our classroom.

We found seats next to each other, and relaxed and chatted as we watched everyone else walking into the class. When Mike walked in he waved at me as he walked past, and I gave a sigh of relief.

"Looks like he's taken the hint, thank God," I mumbled to Alice as he took a seat on the other side of the room. "I was almost worried about the next time he and Edward met face to face."

I remembered the near fight in the grocery store on Edward's first day as a human, and couldn't believe that it had only been just over two weeks ago.

"Don't worry Bella, I don't see anything going on between him and Edward… Edward's got enough to worry about today." Alice giggled as I looked on questioningly. "Let's just say he's a bit too used to people being scared off by him, he's going to have to get used to people _not _being afraid of him."

Alice continued to chuckle, but wouldn't tell me anything else as the teacher walked in and called the room to order.

A couple of hours later we left the classroom with our timetables in hand and our moods decidedly less exuberant. Alice walked by my side to my locker, and waited with me for Edward to arrive. We chatted for a few minutes, but as the corridor began to clear of students as they headed to class, I began to become concerned

"Where's Edward, I would have thought he'd be here by now?" I looked up and down the hallway, but couldn't see any sign of him.

The bell was about to ring for the next period, and I really wanted to see him before class. We had hardly spent any time apart from each other recently, and I desperately wanted to know how this morning had gone. I also wanted to compare out timetables, as I was hoping his and mine were as compatible as mine and Alice's, which were virtually identical.

"I'm sure he'll be here in a moment Bella, don't worry." Alice was searching for something in her bag, as I started to put the books I had collected for the year so far, in my locker.

"I wanted to see if he was in the same classes as us though," I whined. Where was he?

Suddenly Alice stopped what she was doing, and I could see that she was having some kind of vision. As she came out of it her lips quirked into a smirk, and she quickly began to laugh.

"What is it?"

"I think you'd better go and rescue Edward, Bella. He's having a bit of a problem…" was all Alice managed to spit out in between giggles.

"Where?" I didn't know whether to be alarmed or not, but the fact that Alice was laughing rather than looking for Edward, made me feel at least a little bit more relaxed.

Alice simply pointed down the corridor, as by now she was almost doubled over with laughter. I rolled my eyes at her as I began to trot down the hall in the direction that Edward had gone earlier, leaving her a giggling mess.

_Very helpful, Alice._

I got to the end of the corridor still without having seen Edward, and began to wonder if I should go back to Alice to ask for some clearer instructions. _If,_ that was, she was capable of speech again yet.

I turned the corner, only to be confronted by a truly horrifying sight.

Edward was leaning up against the lockers at the far end of the corridor; the hall was clearing as students hurried to class, so I had a clear view of him from where I stood.

My heart dropped in my chest as anger bubbled to the surface in my mind, and I felt my hands ball into fists by my side. His eyes were filled with panic and horror as they darted from side to side, as if he was a frightened rabbit searching for an escape route. He was backed against the lockers, held against them by his captor, who was leaning on him, staring at him intensely as they whispered into his face, their nose almost touching him.

I started to hurry towards them, my blood boiling, as Jessica Stanley leant further into Edward's body and… _did she just touch his crotch?_

_HELL NO!_

**Edward**

I had woken this morning feeling strangely refreshed and energized. Today was the first day of the rest of my _life_, and I was determined that I was going to make it count.

I felt a mixture of excitement and anticipation at the thought of the beginning of senior year. It was something I had done so many times that one might imagine that it held no thrill for me anymore, but this time was different.

I had never been a senior as a human, and so this was a first. Every other time I had lived this day there had been little purpose to it, but this time it would only lead me onwards. This was the last, first day of senior year that I would ever live, and it would lead me to my final graduation of High School, and the true beginning of my life. For the first time in many years, I arrived at school full of optimism, causing me to smile as I took Bella's hand and led her into the building.

I left Bella at her locker, and made my way to Homeroom with a spring in my step. I hoped that our timetables would match, but if they didn't, I wasn't too concerned. Mrs. Cope had always been very accommodating towards me, and I was certain that she would rearrange things if I asked her to.

I settled down into a seat in the back of my homeroom class out of habit, and groaned a little internally when I saw Jessica Stanley enter the class a few seconds later and stop, gawking at me quite openly.

I looked away quickly, but my eyes were drawn back to her a few seconds later. She was still staring at me, and her mouth was very slightly open.

_Like a fish._

_That's not kind._

I chuckled to myself silently, busying myself with the contents of my bag. I felt movement by my side, and I was unsurprised to see that Jessica had made her way towards me as I ignored her, and sat in the seat beside me.

"Hi Edward! Did you have a nice summer?" she trilled at me, her voice veritably trembling.

"Yes, very nice. Thank you." I had realized that actually there was really very little in my bag to pretend to look at, and I instead began to play with my watch, hoping she would take this as a dismissal.

"What did you do?" She was smiling widely by now, and I couldn't resist a quick peek into her mind, what was she after?

_... hotter than ever… totally mine this year… no way that little mouse is putting out…God I would…_

I withdrew from her mind just as quickly, as she assaulted me with a disturbing mental image of me and her thrashing on top of the very table I was sitting at. I shivered for a second, do human teenagers really think of nothing else?

_Errrrrrr_

An expression about people living in glass houses not throwing stones crossed my mind, as I suddenly realized Jessica's hand was on mine.

"Are you cold Edward, you shivered," she whispered in a way that was no doubt supposed to be seductive. She stroked my hand, before I jerked it away from her quickly.

"I'm fine. Thank you for your concern Jessica." _Shit, shit, shit, what am I supposed to do to get rid of her?_

"I'm always concerned about you Edward, if ever you need to talk, or, _anything…_" She looked up at me through her eyelashes and, I swear, my balls shot back up about three inches into my body.

_Now, if only I could work out a way to do that with the rest of me…_

I could tell that my eyes were wide as I looked at her, but I honestly did not know what to say to the child. I growled slightly, before I really thought about it, in a gesture which would have previously made anyone back away from me very quickly. Instead, this time I was surprised to see her cheeks flush, and her smile broaden. She looked positively… excited.

Fortunately at that moment, the teacher called the room to order, and I managed to tear my eyes away from the horror show that was Jessica Stanley in full on flirt mode. When she had last had a crush on me, her interest had been mainly from afar, her natural instincts realizing that I was not to be approached, despite her incessant fantasizing about me. But this time…

I looked over at her again as timetables were distributed, and she was staring at me. She licked her lips as our eyes met, and I shivered again.

_This time I could be in trouble._

We were let out of class in time for third period, and I gathered my things quickly, trying to get up from my desk before Jessica had a chance to move. However, in some kind of flirting-ninja maneuver, Jessica was in front of me before I'd even had a chance to stand.

"What's your next class, Edward?" she asked, as she twirled a piece of hair between her fingers.

"Um… English," I mumbled as I stood and put my newly acquired paperwork into my bag. I just wanted to get away and get back to Bella, and compare our timetables to see how much effort I was going to need to put in with Mrs. Cope later.

"Eeeeeee!" she squealed as she bounced up and down in front of me. A few of the other students making their way out of the room turned to look at us in surprise. "Same as me! Isn't that great! We can walk to class together!"

"Er… ok." I truly had no idea what to say. In my day, a young lady would never have so blatantly thrown herself at a gentleman, and I hadn't a clue how to reject her advances without being very rude.

Jessica followed me as I walked out of the class, and I kept my head down as we walked along side by side for a few moments.

She tried several lines of questioning as we walked, but every time I replied with merely a yes, or a no, or in one case a grunt. I was desperately hoping that she would take the hint, or that Bella would appear before me, when suddenly Jessica's bag hit me in the legs. I almost went flying in the process, as an inordinate amount of her belongings scattered all over the floor.

"Oops, silly me," she giggled. "Oh Edward, please help me, I'm so clumsy sometimes!"

_Sure you are…_

I bent down and began to pick up her things, helping her to load them back into her bag as the crowd of students around us began to thin, people gradually making their way to class. Despite the fact that she had clearly _not_ dropped her bag by mistake, the gentleman in me was unable to leave her to pick it up alone. As I scooted around on the floor, I wondered how I was going to escape Jessica in time to get to Bella, who would certainly be wondering where on earth I was by now.

Just as I thought I'd got it all, I spotted what looked like some kind of cosmetics over by the lockers, and I moved to pick it up. As I stood I turned, and found Jessica standing right behind me.

"Thank you, Edward," she whispered, as I handed her the little pink tube. I stepped away from her and found my back up against the lockers behind me, a padlock was jammed uncomfortably into my spine and I winced.

"No problem…" I jumped as she stepped forward, and leant the inside of her forearm against my chest. She looked up at me through her eyelashes and smirked. I gulped.

"You know, some might say that you need more of a thank you than that." She leant a little closer into me, until her nose gently brushed my jaw.

I jumped as she touched me, and my brain froze up for a few seconds. I began to wildly search for an escape route. How on earth did one reject advances quite as blatant as these? I had not given the girl any encouragement in the slightest, but she was now actually _touching_ me.

"Jessica, seriously, do you mind?" I tried to sound firm, but she almost seemed to like that, her breath catching a little in her throat as I scowled at her.

"I wouldn't mind at all Edward," she breathed into my neck.

"No, I mean-" I stopped dead, as her hand grazed my cock.

_!_

"Edward, I think we both know what's going on here," she murmured as she leant closer still, and I stood frozen in shock.

_She did what now?_

I was beyond shocked and embarrassed as I glanced around to check no one was watching what was happening. Jessica was behaving in a way so beyond appropriate that I had no clue of how to reject her advances. I had been brought up to never lay my hands on a woman, but I knew that within seconds I was going to have to physically force her away from me, and make my feelings towards her behavior very loud and clear indeed.

However, the second before I broke what I considered to be a true taboo, I pair of furious brown eyes appeared behind Jessica, glaring at us both from over her shoulder.

_Wait, she doesn't think…?_

Before I could even finish the thought, Bella stepped to Jessica's right, and bumped her hip very forcefully against hers, knocking Jessica flying to the left.

"Hey…!" Jessica squealed, as her arms flailed for a few seconds as she desperately struggled to keep her footing.

Bella didn't even look at her as she stepped in front of me, and threw her arms around my neck. She virtually climbed me, as I leant down and pulled her up my body so that she had her arms around my shoulders and her legs wrapped securely around my waist.

"Hey baby," she said brightly. "Did you miss me?" A deeply amused grin crossed her features, and to my side I heard Jessica finally hit the ground with a thud.

"_Loads_." My hands shifted around Bella's body, finally resting on her butt and forcing her harder against me as I crashed my mouth down onto hers, trying to distract myself from the disturbing mental images from the last few minutes.

I spun around and pressed her against the lockers, as our mouths moved frantically against each other. Her tongue slipped urgently against mine, and I rapidly began to lose myself in the sensation. As she scratched her fingers across my scalp and moaned against me, I was lost.

I pulled away, placing hot wet kisses against her neck as I ground myself against her. The passion in her kiss had managed to wipe my mind of this morning's events already, and I was now battling with a different problem in the middle of the hallway.

_What hallway?_

"We're going to… have to… give you some training… in… self defense against… skanks," Bella gasped, as my lips devoured hers. Her hands were travelling up and down my body quickly, driving me insane as she rubbed her thumbs over my nipples every time she passed them.

I didn't hear if Jessica had left or not, my mind was solely focused on the intense need I felt to be _inside _Bella, right here, right now. I ground my throbbing hard-on into her centre, and her corresponding moan left me feeling almost mad with desire. I'm not sure if it was the suddenness of her appearance, or relief at her presence, but my need was almost undeniable. The blood pounding in my ears was drowning out everything else around me.

"Ahem." Bella and I suddenly froze, as a voice we both recognised made itself known behind me. "Getting suspended on your first day of senior year _doesn't_ sound like a great plan to me, how about you two?"

_Correction, almost everything around me._

Bella let go of me, and I stepped away from the locker, allowing her to slide down my body, until she was standing in front of me. I turned around sheepishly, only to be faced with Alice, tapping her foot on the ground as she looked at us with an expression that would not have been out of place on the strictest of schoolmarms.

I looked around the hallway, and realised that it wasn't quite as abandoned as I had thought it was. As other students walked past us, they seemed to be quite openly looking at us, curiosity etched into their faces.

"The bell will be going in a minute. We need to get to English." Alice spun around without another word, and walked away. Even her footsteps somehow managed to sound annoyed.

"At least Jessica's gone." Bella reached out and took my hand, as we followed obediently after Alice, my bag placed strategically across my lap as I walked, with not a little discomfort. "Did she actually…"

"_Yes!_" I replied curtly, hoping that Bella would make no further inquiry into the subject. I was hoping for my testicles to feel safe enough to return to their original position at some point today, and dwelling on Jessica Stanley's unwanted attention was _not _going to help me with that.

"_Slut!_" Bella hissed under her breath, and I chuckled nervously. I had never seen Bella look quite so furious.

We were the last into English, but fortunately two seats were left together at the back of the class. With seconds to spare we settled into our seats, as the new and somewhat unremarkable teacher arrived, and began to distribute copies of various books among us.

I saw that we would be reading Romeo and Juliet as our first text this year, and I groaned a little.

_Again?_

_High School English teachers can be so unoriginal. Has no one ever heard of Much Ado about Nothing? Even Macbeth, I'd take Macbeth!_

As the lesson started, my gaze turned to Bella, and I allowed myself to watch her as she focused on the copy of Romeo and Juliet in her hands. Her long, dark hair was swept up in a pile on top of her head, folded elegantly into a clip. She had smiled a lot today, but right now she was scowling, as she glared at someone ahead of us in the class.

I followed her line of sight and, but of course, she was glaring at Jessica, who was in turn glancing backwards at Bella with a matching glare.

I bristled at Jessica daring to look at Bella like that, especially after her behavior towards me earlier. I dipped into her mind quickly out of habit, just to check what she was thinking behind that glare aimed at my love.

… _slut… definitely fucking him… just wait until lunch…_

I blanched slightly as I snatched myself away from her thoughts again. She had guessed at what was happening between me and Bella, and in that second a barrage of guilt rained down on me. Not only had I taken Bella's virtue, it now seemed that I had also tarnished her reputation.

The thought of others thinking less of Bella, for the love we shared privately between us, suddenly made my insides feel as if they were falling rapidly.

I watched Jessica for a few moments, and struggled with my intense aggravation at her behavior so far this morning. The irony of her bile directed at Bella, for something that she seemed to be wishing to partake in herself, was not lost on me. I deliberated for a few minutes, but realised that there was really little I could do to prevent her from gossiping, apart from ensuring that I did not allow myself to behave at school in the way I had done earlier.

I returned my gaze to Bella, and allowed my heart to be warmed by her again. It would be difficult, but I resolved to be much more restrained with her around the school. I was not ashamed of anything we had done, but I felt guilty that others' opinions of her may be affected by me.

_If only she wanted to be my wife. _

I had been pondering how long it would be until I could ask her to marry me, as we had enjoyed our last weekend of freedom together. Every moment I spent with the woman was utter perfection, and it was all I could do to stop myself from falling to my knees in front of her and begging her to marry me virtually every day. The only thing that held me fast in my resolve not to do so was the fact that my ring was currently out of my reach, back in my room at home.

_That, and the fear that she would reject me, and run in horror at the very mention of matrimony._

I had allowed myself to relax a little about the formality of a ring and a ceremony, only because I already thought of Bella as my wife. In my youth, we would have been married by now, and the only reason we weren't was because society had moved on around me, as I had stood untouched by time. In my heart and mind, we were bound to each other already, hence a ring and a dress could wait, until society, and my wife, were ready for them.

Still, I regretted that Bella's reputation may be tarnished by my actions towards her. Though one thing was certain, Bella herself would be unlikely to give two hoots about Jessica's opinion today, her glare towards her seemingly sharp enough to cut glass.

I began to day dream a little, imagining Bella in a white dress, with my rings on her finger. Gradually my daydream morphed, and now I was taking her out of the dress, unbuttoning a long row of buttons running down her spine, leaving kisses down her back as I did so.

I imagined myself pulling her dress from her body and trailing my fingers over her underwear, which in my mind was made up of a tightly strung corset and lace knickers, as Bella moaned and reached for me…

I realised I was becoming aroused, my body still not having fully recovered from our session in the hallway a little earlier. Although I felt somewhat embarrassed at having these thoughts in public, the tingles of pleasure running through my body were providing me with an admirable distraction from the monotone recitation of Shakespeare which was going on around me. I shifted slightly in my seat, making myself more comfortable, before returning to my daydream.

I imagined Bella was naked, lying on her back, gazing at me adoringly as I lavished attention on her delicious breasts. There was truly nothing more glorious on this earth than Bella's breasts. They were round and firm, large enough to fill my hand, with the most beautiful dark rose colored nipples that reacted to my touch almost instantly. In my mind I began to imagine I was kissing them, sucking in first one, then the other, as she ran her hands over my body hovering above her.

I could feel myself beginning to throb in my pants, but the sensation wasn't uncomfortable yet. I glanced over at Bella, and then quickly looked away again, not sure if she would be able to see in my eyes what was going on in my mind.

I imagined I moved slightly, pressing my weight down on her body, feeling her skin against mine as we kissed passionately. I imagined her voice in my ear (yes, we're still kissing, but this is _my _daydream), moaning and breathing words of encouragement.

"_Oh Edward, I want you, I want your big, hard cock inside me. I love it when you fuck me. But first I want you to feel you against my tits..."_

I felt my breathing catch slightly, as my overactive imagination went somewhere I would never, ever, dream of actually voicing to Bella. I imagined myself shifting, positioning my shaft between her breasts as she squeezed them firmly around me. I could feel her tongue swiping across my tip as I began to thrust, the soft round flesh of her tits encircling my cock and…

_Ok, now I'm throbbing so hard it hurts._

I could feel myself leaking slightly in my pants, and I was suddenly horrified that someone might be able to guess what I was thinking about whilst sitting in class. My horror only intensified when I glanced forward to Alice a couple of rows ahead of me, and realised that she would almost _definitely _know what I had been doing. I thanked God for a second that I was learning to block out vampire thoughts in the way my mind automatically did to humans, as I truly did not want any input from Alice at this moment in time.

Trying to distract myself, I glanced back over to Bella, trying this time to focus on more chaste thoughts, but unable to rid myself of the picture of her lying naked under me, as I thrust against her breasts.

_She's so beautiful…_

Suddenly her eyes flicked to mine, and a soft smile crossed her lips. Neither of us looked away, and I got lost in her gaze for a few moments, happily drowning in my mind in nothing but Bella. Her lips separated slightly, and I almost wondered for a moment if her thoughts had been travelling along a similar route to mine. She looked ravishing, her cheeks were a little flushed and her smile was unintentionally alluring. I shifted in my seat again, and my breathing sped as I imagined myself laying Bella across the desk she was currently sitting at, and pounding into her, audience be damned.

"… Mr. Cullen?" I jumped at the sound of my name being called, and I looked forward to see the new teacher, whose name I had not paid attention to, staring at me coolly.

_I have no idea what she just said, but apparently she needs a reply…_

I tried to pluck whatever answer she wanted from me from her mind, but to my immense frustration I found that I couldn't hear her mind from where I sat at the back of the class. Humans were just too quiet for me to hear over any distance now.

I struggled to focus for a moment, all of my blood having pooled far from my brain, as I tried to work out what was wanted from me.

I glanced at Bella, who gave me a slight shrug, apparently as unaware of the answer as I was. I listened to Alice, and realised that she had no intention of telling me, when I could only hear her reading Romeo and Juliet to herself in her mind.

_Thanks a bundle Alice. _

The silence in the room had stretched too long by now, and the teacher whose name I had no idea of, was tapping a pencil on the desk in front of her as she focused on me intently.

_How did she even know my name? There's loads of us and only one of her, and I don't know her name! _

_Ok, not helping._

Suddenly, and with great relief, I heard Angela's internal voice coming from a couple of rows in front of me.

… _come on Edward… Tybalt… very unlike him… hope he's ok… he looks different…_

"Tybalt!" I cried triumphantly, and I saw the nameless teacher look vaguely surprised for a moment, before she nodded and carried on with whatever she had been doing before.

_Hell. I might actually have to pay attention this time…_

I shifted in my seat, and was relieved to find that my few seconds of panicked ransacking of the minds around me had at least resolved one problem. But as I searched through the text to find our place, it suddenly occurred to me that this senior year, though it might be my last, was also likely to be the hardest.

I slammed my lunch tray down on the table with a growl.

I was late into the cafeteria, Bella, Alice, Angela and Ben were already seated by the time I arrived and chose a rather remorseful looking piece of pizza and a drink for my lunch. I noticed that we were sitting on a separate table to Jessica, Mike and the rest of Bella's usual lunch crowd, and as I sat down I glanced towards them questioningly.

Before I could say a word though, I caught Alice slightly shaking her head at me out of the corner of her eye.

_Not a good idea Edward, Bella's about ready to murder Jessica right now._

Alice showed me a brief glance of Bella and Jessica fighting in the cafeteria, and I just about had time to be glad that my girl had the upper hand, before Alice snapped back to the present.

"How did it go, baby?" Bella had not noticed, or had pretended to not notice (I couldn't tell these days), Alice's and my exchange.

"Terribly. Mrs. Cope is not prepared to rearrange anything for me at all!" I began to eat the pizza I had procured for my lunch, but, perhaps fortunately, I couldn't taste it at all. My mind was still focused on my conversation in the school office a few moments ago.

"_Mrs Cope, I wondered if I could have a few moments of your time?" I started, smiling at her winningly I hoped._

"_Certainly Edward, how can I help you?" …you can have anything you want from me honey… no, no, too young, too young!_

"_I was hoping that I could rearrange some of my timetable, some of the classes aren't what I was hoping for," I murmured, forcing her to lean closer to hear me speak. I gazed into her eyes as she did, and did my utmost to influence her, as had always been successful for me before._

… _wow, this kid is just too cute… why's he looking at me like that… shit, have I got humus on my face?_

_She began to swipe at her face quickly, ducking down under her desk for a moment, before she reappeared seconds later, her lipstick now smeared somewhat to the right._

"_What classes are you looking to switch Edward?" She smiled as she spoke, and I could hear her thoughts still ogling me. I leant a little closer still, and smiled at her in the way I knew that Bella liked best. I ran my hand through my hair, and I watched her eyes follow my movement greedily._

"_Well, I've made notes on my timetable of what I would like to shift, and where, if it's not too presumptuous." I handed her the slip of paper, and she read through the changes I wanted to make. In honesty, I needed to reschedule most of my classes, Bella's and my timetables only coinciding for English, lunch and Gym, straight after lunch._

… _is he kidding?_

_I jumped slightly, as Mrs. Cope's thoughts began to become annoyed._

"_I'm sorry Edward, there's no way I can rearrange everything here, it's just too much. Most of these classes are at capacity. There's no room to move you into." She removed her glasses from her nose, and handed me back my timetable decisively._

"_Is there nothing you can do Mrs. Cope? It really would be wonderful if you could help me, I would appreciate it so very much…" I trailed off, when the annoyance in her thoughts grew, and she began to consider why I wanted to change this many classes._

"_Mr. Cullen. I'm sure you will find it perfectly possible to attend classes that do not include your current girlfriend. Who knows, later in the year you may even find that fact preferable." She raised her eyebrows and nodded at me slightly, the tone of her voice making my reading her thoughts unnecessary. "Now, if you don't mind, today is a very busy day."_

I continued to chew my pizza with irritation as Bella and Alice chatted about this morning's classes, obviously giving me a few moments to calm down.

Between my mind reading, and ability to dazzle people, I had been very much used to getting my own way in the past. Suddenly finding someone unwilling to cooperate with me was deeply frustrating, before I even considered the fact that I would now be trapped in lessons daily without my beloved Bella.

"It might be for the best Edward, really," Alice suddenly piped up; Bella glanced between us curiously as Alice continued in her mind.

_You're going to need to actually pass this senior year, just to make sure it really is your last one ever. It would be a tad ironic if you had to come back next year, don't you think?_

_Classes without Bella may prove less distracting for both of you, if this morning was anything to go by…_

Bella didn't question me further, but she shuffled closer to me in her seat, and took my hand in hers, rubbing my knuckles comfortingly as I angrily wolfed down my food.

Lunch finished soon after, and as we made our way to Gym, Bella took my hand and began to swing our arms gently between us.

"It will all work out Edward, it's not like we have to be together every second of the day you know," she said, almost carefully. I spent a couple of moments thinking about her words before I replied.

"No, I know. I just feel… more comfortable when I'm near you. I like to know that you're ok," I said with a sigh. That was part of it; the other part was that I just felt more ok myself when I was near her.

""I know." She pulled us to a halt for a moment, and made me look at her. "But, it might be good for both of us to get used to doing a few things without the other, it's what normal people do."

Confusion flooded my mind, and I could feel my heart beating hard in my chest, her words not making any sense to me. Why did she want me to get used to being away from her?

Almost as if _she_ could read _my_ mind, she slid her arms around me, while maintaining eye contact the whole time, squeezing hold of me tightly.

"Hey," she said as she squeezed me. "What I mean is, it's not like we can live in each other's pockets the whole time, and this is an easy way to get used to it… _Crap_, this is coming out wrong."

She looked frustrated for a minute, before she leant her head on my chest. "Just – forget it. It doesn't matter."

"No, Bella, hang on." I put my finger under her chin and lifted her face back up to mine. Crowds of students were milling around us in the hall, but I could suddenly sense that Bella was trying to tell me something that she thought was important. "Tell me."

"It's just; you're stronger than you think you are Edward. I've been around you constantly the last couple of weeks, and I don't want you to start feeling like you're dependant on me. You're still you. And, well…" She stopped again, but I continued to stare into her eyes, as I waited for her to finish what she wanted to say. "I think it might be good for you, to do some things without me."

"Oh." _Being a clingy boyfriend – check._

"Shit. I knew you'd take this the wrong way." She leant forward and banged her head softly on my chest again, avoiding my gaze.

"No, I'm not…"

"Edward. I know that look. Listen, I just think that it would do you some good to start… I don't know, being human with other humans. You know, other than me. You haven't got any friends other than me, or your family. Maybe it would be good for you to… to have some friends I mean. Do you understand what I mean at all?" I heard the bell go as she finished, and I took her hand and began to walk us towards the gym again.

"I guess so." Did I really want to have more friends? I thought about it, and realised that maybe I did.

_Maybe it won't be quite so horrible now that I don't have to listen to every thought as it passes through their minds._

_Or be intimately aware of it every time they break wind._

"Just think about it Edward. It's what people do. Make friends, that is." We had reached the gym as I'd thought about it, and Bella kissed me on the cheek as she vanished into the female changing rooms. Jessica brushed past me roughly a moment later, almost barging me out of the way as she followed Bella into the changing room.

_Oh joy, gym with the floozy. Maybe she can try and sexually assault me again during dodgeball…_

I changed quickly, and headed out into the gym along with the rest of the males in the class.

There were twenty-eight of us in the class today, a small number in comparison with the large gymnasium we were using. The sun had come out this afternoon, and I noticed that Alice was not present, even though I knew that she should have been in class with us today. I noted the long beams of sunlight streaming down onto the gym floor, and understood why. I took obscene pleasure in walking towards and standing in one of the wonderfully warm and bright rays of sunlight for a few moments.

The class was taken today by Forks High's only sports coach, who was also responsible for the school Football and Baseball teams. He was a man of few words, and quickly split the class into four teams, instructing us to play two separate games of Basketball side by side in the gym.

By senior year it was assumed that we all knew the rules of such games, and there were no lessons in either technique or rules. We were simply instructed to play.

This was the first time I had been given the opportunity to play competitive sports since my return to humanity, and within minutes I found that I was enjoying the experience immensely. No longer needing to hold myself back, I was throwing myself into the game, charging up and down the court enthusiastically, testing myself against the other boys in both speed and agility.

I had always enjoyed competing as a vampire, but with very limited ability to do so. I was only ever able to get a reasonable game of anything with my family, and my mind reading ability always left me at an unfair advantage anyway. The sheer adrenaline rush of actually competing now was a joyous experience, and every time I stole a ball away from another boy, or achieved a basket, the high only got higher. After ten minutes or so I was hot and sweaty, but having a great time.

I had fortunately managed to arrange it for me to be on the same team as Bella, and by exerting a little extra energy I was able to ensure she could stand by the sidelines, avoiding any chance to injure herself. I was fairly certain that she knew that was what I was doing, but there seemed to be no complaint coming from her direction over it.

After fifteen minutes, the coach blew his whistle. "Right, winning teams are playing against each other next. Losers, you can sit this one out."

_Wow, motivational speaking obviously not one of this man's finer qualities._

Our team had beaten our opponents by a large margin, which meant we had to stay on the court as half of the class moved towards the bleachers to watch us. The other winning team stayed on the court with us, and I looked across to see that it included Mike Newton and Ben Cheney, both of whom were giving me strange looks.

The whistle went again sharply a few seconds later, and we began to play. This time the game was more aggressive than it had been previously, and I was glad that Bella continued to loiter by the sidelines, leaving the game to me and the rest of the team. Tyler Crowley was also on our team, and he and I had formed a strange alliance during the previous game, feeding each other the ball, and scoring most of the points between us. This time, at my first basket he raised his hand to me, as if for me to hit it.

_He's a bit sweaty…_

I hesitated for an instant, before deciding to embrace Bella's words from earlier, and high-fived him.

"Dude! Good work man!" he yelled at me triumphantly as we ran back up the court, and I felt a surge of pride. I could feel the testosterone pumping round my body, and the sweat running down my back, and I felt like a _man._

_And I also undoubtedly _smell _like a man._

Over the next few minutes Tyler and I continued in our odd camaraderie, keeping the ball almost exclusively to ourselves as our audience (_losers_) began to cheer us on. As I ran, I would catch Bella's eye occasionally, and I noticed her smiling broadly at me every time.

Suddenly, as I was taking a glance in her direction, I felt the ball vanish from beneath my hand, and I saw Mike Newton moving away from me. With _my _ball.

Indignation flooded through me, and I took off after him at speed, with Tyler bearing down on him from the other side. A few seconds later we had him cornered, and I moved to take the ball from him, but at the last moment he suddenly threw it hard to one side. I heard a small cry, and I turned to see that Bella had leapt to one side as the ball flew past her, missing her face by inches.

Mike, Tyler and I had all stopped, and when I turned back towards Mike in surprise, I saw that he was glaring at Bella furiously. Before I had a chance to even think about it, the ball was thrown back into play, and I moved towards it again in hot pursuit. However, this time I opened my mind up, and tried to hear Mike's thoughts. I had a horrible feeling that he had intentionally tried to hit Bella with the ball.

Unable as I was to hear human thoughts over any great distance these days, I didn't get close enough to Mike again for another couple of minutes to be able to hear his mind, and as I continued to try and hear him the game continued at a great pace.

I managed to score once more, before suddenly I heard Mike's thoughts in my mind, and the anger in them made me wheel around to look at him quickly.

He was glaring at Bella, anger and hurt in his eyes, and one word screaming in his mind.

… _SLUT…_

I staggered when I heard it, the word he was using to describe my Bella almost physically injuring me. A picture of me and Bella kissing in the hallway earlier today was emanating from his mind, only making me more certain that my behavior towards her today had caused her reputation some harm.

There was no space in my mind for guilt though, the all encompassing rage boiling in my veins blocking out all other thought and emotion for now.

I was still holding the ball, and as Mike moved away from me until I could no longer hear his thoughts, all I wanted to do was inflict some kind of serious injury on him. He turned again as he moved away, and I reflexively threw the ball at him. I aimed at his nose, and put every ounce of power behind the throw that I could possibly summon.

As I did it; things seemed to move in slow motion.

Mike stopped and looked at me, seeming to watch the ball careering towards his face with interest. Our audience cheered for a second, before a sharp whistle blast brought them to silence, at the very instant that a loud crunch echoed around the room, as the ball hit Mike dead centre on the nose. Blood spattered loudly as he squealed and fell to his knees.

_Oops._

I backed away towards the side of the court as a crowd gathered around Mike. I could hear him yelling pure bloody murder over the general tumult around him, the only other clearly discernible voice was the coach, telling him to man up and go and see the nurse. After a few moments he was helped to his feet by a couple of his teammates, and led out of the gym, as the coach told everyone else that it was time to hit the showers.

"You did that on purpose!" Bella suddenly hissed in my ear. I jumped, not having realized that she was so close to me.

"Did not." _Liar, liar, pants on fire._

"Did too!" Bella looked at me reproachfully for a moment, but even in my own defense I couldn't bring myself to tell her exactly what had led me to my actions.

We were edging towards the changing rooms, when suddenly the coach looked straight at me from the other side of the room.

"Cullen!" _Shit._

"Yes Coach?" I started walking towards him nonchalantly, hoping that I could lead him to believe that it had indeed been an accident. I felt Bella vanish from by my side, and I glanced behind me to see her disappear into the changing rooms with a sympathetic smile.

"No 'yes Coach' bullshit Cullen. You did that deliberately. I should send you to the Principal." He glowered down at me, the man was truly enormous, and in a way he reminded me of Emmett.

"I…" I was lost for words, remembering my earlier failed attempt to talk somebody around to my way of thinking today. I wondered if maybe I should just keep my mouth shut.

"Did you do it deliberately?" He was still glowering, and I knew that he was already in no doubt of the answer.

"Yes Coach." Even though I tried, my voice did not sound contrite.

"As I say, I should send you to the Principal. But that was a pretty good shot, accurate over a good distance. Maybe I don't send you to the Principal, and you turn out for the Baseball tryouts Friday afternoon. I could do with a new pitcher."

"I don't-"

"Or you could end the first day of the year in the Principal's office discussing violence in school with him and your parents." He raised one eyebrow at me carefully, and I could feel the splinters in the barrel he had me over. I hesitated for a beat, before I acquiesced.

"I'll see you then, Coach."

"Good boy." He turned his back on me, and I headed towards the changing rooms, wondering if I had really just been blackmailed by a High School sports coach.

**Bella**

The first week of senior year passed quickly. The workload already seemed heavier than in previous years, and by the time Friday afternoon came around, I was thanking my lucky stars that Edward had convinced me to give up working on Saturdays. I didn't see how else I would ever get all of the homework I had been assigned done.

We continued to travel to school every day together, and although we didn't have every lesson together as Edward had wanted, we saw enough of each other during the school day that I didn't really ever have the chance to miss him.

In the evenings we had little time to do anything other than homework by the time we had eaten dinner. Charlie had been on the early shift this week, so he was home very shortly after us in the afternoons, all of which meant that our _personal time_ had been severely curtailed.

Which, all in all, meant that by Friday afternoon, as I sat and watched Edward clad in his tight T shirt and even tighter pants, I was virtually salivating as he had his baseball tryout.

I knew very well _why _Edward was trying out for the baseball team, but in a way, as I watched him on the baseball diamond, I wondered if it was really such a bad idea.

I ogled him blatantly as he stepped up to bat, the muscles in his back and across his shoulders rippling as he swung the bat and connected with the ball hard on the first pitch. Despite having grown up around Charlie, I knew very little about the game itself, but even I could tell that Edward was brilliant at it.

Every time he swung, he hit the ball, for the most part knocking it well out of the field. I continued to watch admiringly as he took a few more practice swings, waiting for the next pitcher to try his luck with him.

Despite the bright sun, the weather had turned cold, and I shivered slightly as I sat and watched. The sky was darkening as clouds rolled in, and I hoped that we would be done before the rain started.

I heard the coach yelling at some of the guys on the field, and suddenly Edward was headed up to the pitcher's mound, another player taking the bat from him before he moved.

Once he got to the mound, suddenly Edward was facing me, and I saw a smile cross his face as he gave me a little wave. I waved back, and then continued to watch as he tossed the ball high up into the air a couple of times, not seeming to pay any attention at all to the boy standing waiting for him to pitch..

Suddenly he threw, flicking the ball towards the player at bat like lightning.

"Strike!"

I glanced across, and I could see the coach watching Edward intently, a smile broadening across his features as he continued to pitch.

"Strike Two!"

I turned my attention back to Edward, who again seemed to be teasing the player waiting for him to pitch. I remembered the only other time I had seen him play baseball, which had been with his family, and remembered how much he had seemed to enjoy it. I also couldn't help but recall the amount of teasing and cheating that had gone on during the game as well.

"Strike three!"

Edward had delivered another incredible pitch as I watched, and for a moment, the horrifying idea that maybe he was _too _good at this crossed my mind. Should a normal human be able to do this, he couldn't be... changing back? Could he?

I spent the rest of the tryouts battling with worry, as I watched Edward compulsively. Every movement he made, I studied. Was he moving too fast? Were his pitches too accurate? Was his batting too powerful?

By the time he ran up to me and announced that he'd joined the team, I was almost a nervous wreck. I got up from the bleachers, and followed him as he walked towards the parking lot, pulling a large sweatshirt over his head as he walked. He didn't bother to shower or change, undoubtedly planning to do it when we got home. As we headed towards the car, I fell into step a pace behind him, studying every movement he made, trying to blot out the possibility that had risen in my mind.

We got into the car in silence, and instead of starting the engine he turned to me and took my hand.

"I thought you'd be pleased, Bella. I'm 'being human with other humans', like you said." His eyes were still as green as they had ever been, and I could see that his hair was damp with sweat, but still I worried.

"Yes, I know, I am pleased. You looked like you were having fun." I tried to make my voice sound light, but I wasn't sure I succeeded.

"I was having fun; it was nice not to have to hold myself back at all. To really throw everything at it feels wonderful. But, it's ok, I won't join the team." Sadness flashed across his face for just a second, and I still couldn't see any trace of the vampire there. I huffed slightly as I continued to worry.

"Why don't you want to join the team?" He'd just told me how much he'd enjoyed playing today, and I knew that my reaction was making him not want to join up.

"Well… you don't seem very happy with the idea."

"It's not that, you just seem… so good. Why is that, do you think?" I continued to catalogue everything about him as I gazed at his face. A drop of sweat trickled down his neck as I watched him, and part of me rejoiced at such a human thing, while another part wanted to lick it.

_Ok, let's reign in the nympho for a minute._

"I'm the only person on the field with nearly a hundred years worth of practice Bella, plus I still find my aim seems to be a little enhanced, maybe because of decades of hunting," he said, realization suddenly seeming to dawn on him. "It's nothing untoward I can assure you, I've just had a lot more time to hone my skills than most… well, anyone else."

"Oh." Internally I heaved an enormous sigh of relief. In fact, I think I did externally as well, as Edward burst out laughing beside me.

"Was I _that_ good?" I glanced in his direction again, and I could see a broad smile stretching across his features. He was turning into such a _boy_.

"The Coach was virtually jigging about in excitement while he watched you. At one point I honestly thought he needed to go and pee." I rolled my eyes as Edward seemed to puff up in pride. But he simply nodded sagely, clearly trying to restrain his grin.

"Well, there were some other good players on the field too. Tyler's got a good arm on him." He continued trying to look restrained, but I could see the excitement building up inside him.

"Yeah, but not as good as yours, eh, Cullen?" I couldn't help but smile as the huge grin finally broke the surface on his face.

"No Ma'am!" I rolled my eyes as he started the car, and pulled out of the parking lot. I was hoping that we could get home before Charlie did, as I suddenly had the need to see quite how sweaty he had gotten today.

We drove for a couple of minutes, with only the sound of the radio playing quietly in the background. I could sense that Edward was trying to build up to something, so I waited. Finally he drew in a deep breath, and I turned slightly in my seat, to be able to watch him.

"So… It's your birthday on Tuesday."

I was well aware of this. I was also more than aware of the fact that I'd somehow agreed to allow Edward to buy me a ridiculously expensive present.

"I know."

"When do you want your presents?" He looked worried, and he gave a nervous little swallow as I absorbed what he had said.

"Presents? Plural?" Annoyance was building up within me, and I was struggling to keep my voice low.

"Yes," he muttered as he shifted uncomfortably in his seat. I could see our house coming up, and I waited until he pulled into the driveway to continue.

"I remember agreeing to one present."

"No, you agreed to allow me to buy you a car, which is quite dull, and I wanted to buy you a couple of other little teeny, tiny things as well. Plus, obviously, my family wanted to buy you some things."

I groaned and leant forward until my head was resting on the dashboard. I hated birthdays, I hated being the centre of attention, and I hated the fact that everyone was going to spend their money on me.

"Bella, please," he said, and the softness in his voice made me turn back to look at him. "There is no way I can ever repay you for everything you've done for me recently. Please, I'm begging you; let me give you a happy birthday."

"Ok, I know I agreed… I'm sorry, this just doesn't come naturally to me." I was trying, I would do this for Edward's sake rather than mine. I could see how important it was to him.

"You'll like the car I've bought you. It's second hand, and no one will even look at it twice in the car park at school."

I nodded, and a half smile crossed my lips. I would be glad to have my own transport again. Admittedly, I tended to go everywhere with Edward anyway, but it was nice to have some independence, and he was fiercely possessive of his BMW.

As I nodded, Edward got out of the car and came around to help me out. He took my bag from me, but as we walked towards the door I could tell that there was something else.

"Um…" He looked at me as we entered the house. He was hovering by the stairs, undoubtedly in need of a shower, but wanting to say something else before he did.

The cruiser wasn't in the driveway, and I was fairly sure that Charlie wouldn't be home for a while yet. I took his hand and started to lead him up the stairs; deciding that I was in need of a little hot water, myself.

I led him into the bathroom, and began to strip.

"I suggest you just say it, Edward, as we don't have that long until Charlie gets home."

He nodded and I could see worry cross his features again as he pulled his T shirt over his head. Suddenly I was confronted by his muscular chest, shining with sweat, and I lost interest in whatever it was he wanted to tell me. I leant into the shower and turned on the water, giving it a moment to heat up as we undressed.

"Alice is planning a party," he suddenly spat out, as I undid my bra and dropped it to the ground. "For your birthday. I tried to talk her out of it, but she's adamant. She wants to do it at their house, the evening of your birthday."

He was yanking his shorts off as he spoke, and I was so distracted by the sight that confronted me, that I didn't even really care about what he was saying.

"Ok. Party. Fine." I stepped out of my jeans, and backed into the shower, as Edward approached me, in an almost predatory manner.

The water was hot as I stepped under it, and in a second Edward's skin was pressed against mine, my back forced against the cold tiles of the shower wall, the contrast between all the different temperatures around me was deeply distracting.

"I didn't think you'd agree that easily," he murmured into my ear as he began to place soft kisses against my throat. I moaned softly, as I reached out and ran my hands across the slick skin of his chest. I leaned in and licked across his shoulder, tasting salt.

"I'm distracted." I trailed my tongue further across his chest, the water of the shower diluting the pure taste of him. I put my arms around him and traced the muscles across his back, which I had been so avidly watching earlier as he played. He shuddered as I eased my body into him, and his erection pressed up against my stomach.

I felt his hands trail down my body, caressing my breasts and my stomach, before he cupped my butt in his hands. He pressed harder against me, and my hands mimicked his, trailing down behind him until I cupped his perfect butt, one cheek in each hand. His muscles there were taught, and for a moment I kneaded him, marveling at the way the muscles clenched and unclenched under my hands.

"Bella…" he moaned as his fingers curled under my butt, moving to the apex of my thighs and stroking my centre gently. "God, you're so wet."

He suddenly moved one hand upwards and grasped my breast; he leaned down and suckled firmly on my nipple and I gasped at the sensation.

"You have no idea-" I began. He grazed his teeth over my nipple, and I moaned, my need for him becoming almost unbearable. "You have no idea what it did to me, watching you today."

"Tell me," he growled into my ear, as I felt him thrust two fingers into me suddenly. He began to move quickly, stroking my clit with his thumb as he did. My hips started to move under his hand and I felt the muscles in my stomach begin to tense.

"Nnnnn…" The sensations of his hands on my body were distracting me, and as I focused on his movements, I moved my hand down to his length and wrapped my fingers around just his tip. He bucked into my hand with a growl.

Suddenly he stopped moving, and withdrew his fingers from me. "I said _tell me_."

"I… You…" He slipped his fingers back inside me as I spoke, and I could feel my body wanting to fall apart under his hand, but I made myself keep talking. "The way you moved… _God Edward… _Seeing your muscles rippling under your shirt- nnng, _please_… the sweat on your skin, made me want you so bad… _Please baby…_"

He curled his fingers around inside me as he stroked my clit again, and I suddenly came hard, bucking against his hand as he murmured in my ear,

"So beautiful Bella, God you're beautiful when you come." He shifted his hand away from me as I began to relax again, and lifted me up with one hand on each side of my butt.

He spread my legs and I wrapped them around his body tightly. I felt his shaft press against my inner thigh, and then he shifted me again, until he was suddenly at my entrance. We both groaned with pleasure as he slid inside me, his huge length filling me completely as I tightened my legs around him, forcing him closer to me.

"My love, I love you, my Bella, my love…" Edward mumbled into my ear as he thrust into me, and I reciprocated, telling him again and again how much I loved him as he moved against me, inside me, all around me.

I grasped my fingers into his hair and pulled him towards me. I tasted his neck, leaving hot wet kisses on his skin, and revelling in the flavor of him. His scent was amazing; he reeked of pure masculinity as he continued to drive into me, forcing me hard against the cold shower tiles as I tried to pull him ever closer.

He grunted as his movements began to speed up, and I savored every touch of his body. He was almost whimpering in my ear, and I leant into him and whispered against his skin.

"Come for me Edward, I want to feel you let go inside me, I need you." I moved my hands to his shoulders and cradled him adoringly as he thrust a couple more times, then stilled with a cry. I felt him grow inside me as he pulsed with his orgasm, his whole body seemed to tremble against me.

We stayed locked together for a few moments, as he continued to shudder in my arms. I kissed him softly all over his face again and again as he seemed to gather himself, before he let me down slowly. Once my feet were back on the ground he leant against me once more, wrapping his arms firmly around me and running kisses up and down my throat.

"You have no idea how much I love you, my Bella," he murmured into my ear. He moved and buried his face in my neck as he spoke, and I could feel his lips moving against my skin. "I feel so impatient for our lives to start. I want you to have my ring on your finger; I want our child in your belly." He ran his hands across my stomach and I jumped a little. I knew this was the way his mind was going, but he had never really mentioned it. In moments of insecurity I had wondered why that was.

"I love you too Edward, so much." I hesitated, unsure of what he wanted me to say next, but excitement was bubbling up inside me. For someone who had been so anti-marriage up until a couple of weeks ago, I was suddenly daydreaming about a diamond ring.

_Shake it off Bella, he's not proposing whilst naked in the shower, that's just so un-Edwardly._

_Un-Edwardly? That's not even a _word_._

Suddenly he looked up and kissed me forcefully on the mouth. When he pulled away he looked at me with a smirk. The hot water was starting to run out, and I could feel his body beginning to break out into goosebumps.

"Good, as I'm not planning on letting you go, my Bella." His eyes were intense as he leaned in to kiss me again, but as he did the end of the hot water finally arrived, and we were both hit by a sudden, unexpected, icy blast.

I shrieked as Edward yelled out, and we both almost tumbled out of the shower in our hurry to get away from the painful cold.

Edward made it out first, but as I stepped over the edge of the bath, I tripped on the edge and went crashing into him. A second later we were both lying spread-eagled on the floor, me lying on top of him where he had landed, fortunately on a pile of towels that I had grabbed on my way into the bathroom earlier.

"Whoops," I giggled, as Edward grimaced from under me. "Let me kiss it better."

I leant down and our lips met, our mouths opening to each other as our arms snaked around each other again.

I hoped that Charlie wasn't going to be home for a good while yet.

* * *

**A/N –R****ec-wise this week, I have particularly enjoyed: **

"**A Woman Scorned" by Bella Baby 24, I'm usually team Edward, but in this case I might make an exception!**

**In my favourites, if you fancy a look.**

**Til next time.**

**Ria**


	23. Eighteen

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight! I do currently own a very poorly laptop though, which is frustrating me to hell!

This is an unedited NC17/MA rated chapter; you have to be so high to read it.

This chapter contains direct quotes from New Moon, by Stephenie Meyer. I haven't put them in Italics, as I use them far too much already, but if you know the series as well as I do, you won't be able to miss them.

Thank you to venomaddict for betaing this for me, even after a heavy weekend ;)!

* * *

**Bella**

We were in our meadow, and we were kissing. Edward was running his hands up and down my body as our mouths opened gently, and I could taste him as his cold breath mingled with mine.

We were lying side by side in the warm grass; the sun was beating down on me, heating my skin, in stark contrast to the icy chill that was coming from Edward's stone like hands as they ran down my body. I felt his thumbs graze my nipples, and I moaned softly as his mouth closed around one, sucking me firmly into his mouth and stroking me with his tongue.

As I gazed down at him, he glanced up towards me, and his topaz eyes made me feel... confused for a moment. But then he looked away from me again, and all I could see was the perfection that was his perfectly tousled hair as he shifted his attention to my other breast. Behind him I could see a vibrant show of colour, flowers had sprung up in their hundreds around us, purples and yellows, making an almost fairytale picture around me.

The vibrant green of the grass made the perfect contrast, and my senses felt almost overloaded as I was bombarded with beauty and perfection from all around me. Edward looked up into my eyes again, and I was breathless for a moment, gazing at his flawlessness. The sharp angles of his jaw were highlighted in the bright sunlight, as his skin scattered dazzling rainbows across my body.

I didn't seem to be wearing much clothing, and I shuddered with pleasure as his lips moved further down my body. His tongue circled my navel for a few seconds, before he began to kiss lower down, across my belly.

"Bella," he whispered.

I felt his hands trace downwards until they grazed my inner thighs. I froze for a second when I realised that I was naked, suddenly wondering why Edward was breaking his owns rules on our conduct quite so flagrantly.

His mouth moved lower still, until I could feel his lips pressed against the soft curls of my most intimate area. He kissed me there reverently, as his fingers gently stroked my slit, barely even grazing the skin, but seeming to set me ablaze as he did it anyway.

"Bella," he said, a little louder this time. The feel of his lips against my body, and his breath caressing my skin, made me whimper and writhe a little beneath him.

"Edward," I moaned softly, as I reached out and buried my fingers into his hair.

He shifted a little lower, and I suddenly felt him run his tongue deeply along my slit in one long, delicious movement. I gasped and jerked as his tongue flicked against the little bundle of nerves he found there, and I opened my eyes to find I was in my bedroom; the curtains pulled against the early morning light making the room seem almost grey.

I gasped again as Edward ran his tongue across my clit again, and I quickly moved my hands downwards, and this time in reality found his hair with my fingers.

"Good morning, my love," Edward said, his voice muffled from under the comforter.

Suddenly he plunged his fingers into me as he renewed his ministrations with his tongue, massaging me expertly as my mind struggled to catch up with body's state of arousal.

His warm breath was panting across my centre, as he flicked his tongue across my most sensitive area for the final time. With a soft cry, I came against his hand and tongue, and I could feel his smile against my skin as I rode out my orgasm, still vaguely confused in my mind about what was happening.

As I panted afterwards, Edward crawled back up the bed, until he was able to pull me into his arms. I rested my head on his chest, and angled my body so I could look up into his beautiful green eyes. He was smiling broadly at me, and I admired the way the soft scruff on his chin complimented the slightly softer angle of his jaw than I had just been admiring in my dream.

"Happy Birthday, my beautiful girl," he whispered softly, and I couldn't help but smile back up at him.

"What was that about?" I was still a little breathless, and I suddenly realised that Charlie was most likely nearby somewhere. I tried to remember how much noise I had just made, and I found that I couldn't.

"I decided that, one way or another, you were going to wake up on your birthday with a smile on your face." He grinned as he spoke, and I hit him gently on the shoulder for teasing me. Then I wrapped my arms tighter around him and pressed my face into his chest, and breathed in the scent that was all Edward.

"Well, mission accomplished," I mumbled, without moving away from his body. I reached out and ran my hand down his side to his hips, and only now realized that he was fully dressed. "Hey, when did you get up?"

"Charlie and I have been up for a while Bella, I had things to organize..." I bit back a groan as I realized that I was likely to be assaulted by presents and heaven knows what else very shortly, but then my still half asleep brain picked up on what he had actually said.

"Wait – Charlie and you? I mean, hang on, is he up already? What if he'd just walked in?" I could feel the blush beginning to spread at the thought of Charlie walking in a few seconds before.

Edward chuckled as he gently sat up, taking me with him as he brought us both into a sitting position. "Bella, unless this room is on fire, I don't think Charlie will ever venture in here, ever again. I was sent to wake you up, and he made himself very comfortable at the kitchen table as he suggested it. I think as far as he's concerned; ignorance is bliss.

"Now, are you going to get up, as we do have some things to do before we get going for school?"

"Ok, ok, I'm getting up." Edward stood up from the bed, and as he did I got a marvelous view of how cute his butt looked today in his tight darkwash jeans. He was wearing a long sleeved baseball jersey with them, and when he turned and held a hand out to help me up from the bed, I couldn't help admire the new 'jock' look he was sporting.

"I will be waiting outside of the bathroom for you, so no trying to sneak a look outside." Edward took my hand and pulled me out of bed, and my body revolted. I had gone from asleep, to having a very intense orgasm to standing in less than two minutes, and I really wanted another five minutes in bed if I was honest.

I tried to sit down again, wondering if I would be able to encourage him to join me back in bed, but instead Edward thrust a pile of clothes into my hands, and quickly dragged me towards the bathroom.

_At what point did Edward the control freak return? I liked it better when all he wanted to do was to stay in bed all day._

I grumbled to myself as I shut the bathroom door on him, and made for the shower. He looked far too bright and awake this morning for my liking, and the way he was hurrying me along, anybody would think that it was _his_ birthday.

Fifteen minutes later, I was sitting at the kitchen table with pancakes and freshly squeezed orange juice in front of me, as well as a small pile of presents.

Charlie was sitting opposite me, and a place was set at Edward's usual seat beside me. It was amazing how quickly Edward had seemed to settle into the house with us, and it made me smile as I realized that it was almost as if he was part of the family.

_Silly girl, he is your family._

Meanwhile, he was busily making plates of pancakes for himself and Charlie, and I watched with a degree of surprise at quite how proficient he seemed to be becoming in the kitchen. He was flipping pancakes casually as we chatted about school today, and the party that Alice was planning for this evening in my honour, much to my horror. As he cooked, I noticed him check his pocket several times, sometimes patting it, others actually seeming to feel for something inside. I was vaguely curious about what he might be checking on.

I was biting my lip slightly as I watched Charlie's reaction to all of this; he knew full well my dislike of birthdays. He seemed to be watching me carefully, his eyes flicking to Edward occasionally as he finished the breakfast, before settling back on me warily.

_I'm not that bad usually... am I?_

"So Bells, take your pick, what do you want to open first?" Charlie waved his hands over the small pile of gifts on the table as Edward finally sat down, placing plates of pancakes in front of both of them as he did. He stroked my knee under the table as he sat to my right and took a large bite of food. I hadn't held back, and was almost finished with mine already; it made a nice change to be eating something that someone else had cooked.

Before I could answer, Edward passed me a square package. "Why don't you start with Charlie's, Bella."

Over the next couple of minutes I opened presents containing a camera and a scrapbook from Charlie and Renee, both of which I smiled over slightly awkwardly as I thanked Charlie.

There was one smaller package left, which I assumed was from Edward. He picked it up and handed it to me as soon as I had finished with Renee's gift, it was wrapped in silver and purple paper, adorned with a matching bow. It didn't really look like Edward to me, and I suspected that Alice may have had a hand in wrapping it at least.

"This one's from me, Bella." I took it from him, and immediately through the paper I could feel that it was a book.

I unwrapped it gingerly, wondering what book Edward would possibly ever think to buy me. When I opened the package I realised that it was actually three, very old books, bound in brown leather. The smell of them was amazing, and when I ran my hands over the binding I could feel how very old they were, but also how they almost felt like new, as if they had been cared for their whole lives. I opened the first book to the title page, and read aloud.

"Pride and Prejudice? But these must be..." I turned to the front cover of the first book, and from the base of the page I began to suspect that they might be something far too valuable. "Edward, are these..."

"The first edition came in three volumes," he said, smiling at the look of wonder that must have surely been crossing my face. I opened my mouth to protest, but he held up a hand to stop me. "They cost me nothing Bella, they were in our library already, and I know that no one in my family would ever appreciate the true worth of these as you do. Alice brought them for me this morning."

I carefully began to look through the first volume resting in my grasp, and suddenly felt the urge to wash my hands before I continued. I wrapped the books back up in the paper they came in and stood and washed my hands, while I considered what to say to such a present. Charlie seemed to be eying the books a little nervously, and a large part of me sighed with relief that he would not really understand quite how much those little books were worth.

"Thank you Edward, you're right, I truly love them," I said, before I paused, still uncomfortable about the value of such a gift. "But, are you sure? They must be worth-"

"It really doesn't matter Bella," he interrupted, with an unsurprised smile. "What's mine is yours already, so they virtually aren't a present at all, I'm just drawing them to your attention."

I rolled my eyes a little at his reasoning, but couldn't help but smile as my hands reached out to take my new treasures again.

As I read though the first couple of pages of probably the most valuable books I had ever seen, I noticed Edward checking on the contents of his pocket again. My curiosity grew, and I wondered if he had something else for me, maybe something that he didn't want to give me in front of Charlie. I little spike of nerves hit me as I wondered what that might be, but I dismissed them quickly, deciding that I was probably imagining it. I already felt a little overwhelmed by this morning, and I knew that there was one large gift still unaccounted for, so I didn't let myself worry about anything else he might have up his sleeve.

When Edward had brought me downstairs this morning, he had made a great deal of effort to prevent me from looking out of the front door or windows, telling me that I'd spoil the surprise. Part of me was desperate to know what car he had bought, I was looking forward to regaining the sense of freedom that came with owning your own car, while another part was terrified that he might have gone a little overboard.

_Like bought me something ridiculous, like a Ferrari. Or a Sherman Tank!_

So, I'd not made any effort to avoid his guiding hands, and hence I was still completely unaware of what was sitting waiting for me on the driveway.

Edward and Charlie finished up their breakfasts quickly, and I couldn't help but watch Edward as he ate, having already finished my own meal. This weekend he had decided that it was time for a haircut, and he was now sporting a slightly more modern style than I was used to, short at the back and sides, with a longer bit on the top that he had taken to sweeping back with gel. His hair still rebelled of course, and the curls on the top were already in disarray this morning.

I was aware of Charlie sitting with us, quietly watching me, so I fought the urge to run my fingers through Edward's shorter locks. Ever since he'd had it cut, I'd not been able to stop touching it. It was amazing to see him changing in front of me. I'd grown used to the way he was always the same, so little changes like a haircut felt almost monumental at times. He hadn't shaved this morning, and his new hairstyle twinned with the soft scruff on his chin made him look quite lickable.

_I wonder how long until Charlie has to go to work..._

As I watched Edward I saw him glance up at Charlie, and a look passed between them.

"So Bella, one present left," Edward said as he put his hand in his pocket. "Would you like to go and see if you approve?" He pulled his hand out of his pocket, and handed me a car key with a small purple ribbon tied around it.

For a moment I was torn, deep down I knew that really I should have argued harder about this. Was I seriously going to let Edward buy me a car? I looked up from the key to Edward, and the look of sheer delight on his face decided me.

"Come on then, let's go and take a look," I said, as I stood up from the table. Before I could even get half way up Edward took my hand, helping me to my feet before throwing an arm around my shoulders as he led me to the front door.

I glanced behind me to see Charlie stand and follow us. I caught his eye as we walked, and he lifted his eyebrows at me slightly, I could see amusement dancing in his eyes, and I was immediately worried.

When we reached the front door, Edward opened it with a flourish, leading me out onto the porch to admire my new car.

"Happy Birthday Bella!" he said, as I stood and absorbed the sight before me. As I stared, I heard a small snort from behind me, and I didn't have to turn around to see that at least Charlie found this amusing.

"What on earth..." I trailed off, unable to quite believe what I was seeing.

There was indeed a car on the driveway in front of me, what it was though, I couldn't tell you. Clearly Alice _had_ helped with the wrapping of my presents this morning, as all that I could see of my new car was the base of the tyres. The rest of the car had been entirely wrapped up in sparkly silver and purple wrapping paper, with a bow on the top that had to have been ten feet wide.

To finish it off, more than a dozen purple and silver balloons hovered over the car, attached to the bow, making the biggest spectacle I had ever seen in my life.

I was suddenly broken out of my reverie, when someone drove past the house and honked their horn repeatedly at us, no doubt amused by the purple confection before me.

"Is that my car?" I felt almost horrified by the sight of the creation in front of us, but I couldn't help the sudden rush of giggles that overtook me.

"Alice got a bit over excited," Edward whispered into my ear as I continued to stand and giggle at what had to be the biggest birthday present ever, sitting in my driveway.

"I'll say," Charlie muttered from behind me. "I'd love to stay and help you hunt out your car Bells, but I gotta get to work."

"Ok Dad, don't worry, I'm sure we'll get it out... somehow."

"Have a great day Bells, I'll see you at home before you head off to your party?" Charlie leant over me and kissed the top of my head, in a rather uncharacteristic show of affection. He seemed to be being more open with me recently, and for a second I wondered why, before my thoughts turned back to my new car.

Charlie jumped into the cruiser and pulled away, meanwhile Edward and I remained standing, looking at my new car. My sudden giggling fit died down, and now I simply couldn't take my eyes off of the thing. It was so over the top, I almost wanted to check around the yard to see if I was being punk'd.

"Did you want to unwrap it at all?" Edward said after a couple of minutes, I turned to look at him, and his smirk was one of amusement.

"I do..." I grimaced at him for a moment, and his smirk cracked into a grin. "I'm just, honestly, not sure where to start."

"Come on, it won't be too difficult, it's only paper. I'll help. Have you still got your key?" He grinned even wider as I waved the key under his nose, and we walked towards the car together.

I felt almost bad about tearing the paper as I considered unwrapping my new car, and I suddenly realised that I probably ought to take a picture of Alice's efforts before we destroyed them.

"Hang on a second," I said, as I turned on my heel and returned inside. I walked into the kitchen and picked up my new camera, and as I glanced around the kitchen, I remembered Edward's constant pocket checking this morning.

_Now what could that be about?_

I got outside again a minute later, and took a couple of pictures, making sure I got Edward in all of them. Once I'd finished, I leant down to put my camera in my bag, before standing up again determinedly.

"Are you ready now?" Edward said, by now he was leaning against the wrapping paper and starting to look a little impatient. "We do need to get to school at some point this morning..."

I groaned as he said it. "Help me?"

We both began to tear at the paper, which had been thoroughly wrapped around the car, and the first thing I uncovered was a small square of silver paintwork. I stopped and stroked the shiny silver I had uncovered for a second. I was only able to see a few square inches of my new car, but I was already certain of what he had bought me. Edward stopped tearing at the paper beside me, and turned to watch questioningly as a small smile worked its way across my lips.

Considering the extreme exhibition my enormous gift had presented, it only took us a few seconds to pull the paper from the car, revealing it to me in all its glory.

"So... what do you think?" Edward asked. I could hear in his voice that he was worried, but he needn't have been, he couldn't have picked me a better car if he'd tried.

As I stood and admired it, I suddenly heard a grunt. I turned in time to see Edward rolling around amongst the mass of paper we had just created. He stood awkwardly a few moments later, and was balling it up quickly, as the wind was trying to take it. I ran over to help him and between us we scrunched it up into a small mountain. It took us several trips, but eventually we managed to get it all jammed into the trash.

"Well, I hope we don't need to throw anything else away for the rest of the week," I muttered. Our garbage can was now full to bursting with paper and ribbon, only the balloons had been spared and were now firmly in Edward's grasp. I glanced towards him, but he didn't reply. Instead he silently took my hand, and led me back to my new car.

"You never answered my question, love," he murmured as we reached the driver's door.

"I think," I said turning to him and wrapping my arms around his waist. "I think it's perfect, Edward. Thank you."

I looked at my new car, and was glad that it was the only vehicle in the world, other than my truck, which I felt some affection for. I ran my finger over the shiny silver paintwork of Edward's Volvo, and smiled to myself as I remembered all of the time we had spent in it over the summer, when life had been so very different, but still just the same.

"My pleasure," he whispered in my ear, and I could hear in just those two little words how happy my acceptance of his gift had made him. He kissed me gently, just below my earlobe, and I quivered a little.

"But how, Edward? I thought you'd exchanged it when you bought your BMW?"

"I phoned the dealership as soon as you agreed to let me buy you a car. They still had it sitting in the back lot, they were perfectly happy for me to buy it back from them. I'd much rather you had this car than any other, Bella. I've had it since it was new, so I know that it's been well looked after. And, no one will look twice at it at school, as it's been sitting in the car park there for the last three years. It's old news."

"And every time I get in it, I'll think of all of the good things we've done in this car." I turned in his arms and kissed him, my hands running up into his shorter hair as our mouths opened to each other softly.

After a few moments, and to my immense frustration, Edward pulled away and looked into my eyes. "I have one more thing for you Bella, but I didn't want to give it to you in front of Charlie."

He dipped his hand into the pocket he had been fiddling with all morning, and pulled out a small gift, wrapped in the same paper as the others had been. As I watched, he quickly pulled off the wrapping paper, and underneath I saw a small, pale blue jewellery box.

_Oh my God, is that... Oh my God!_

I screwed my hands into fists by my side, urging them to stop the sudden trembling they had begun. I wasn't sure if I was nervous, or excited, when Edward held up the box in front of me, and made to open it.

"This is something else that cost me nothing, but is in fact utterly priceless to me," he said softly as he opened the box. "Much like you, my Bella."

I looked inside the box, and couldn't decide if I was relieved or disappointed to see a large crystal heart, hanging from a thick, very bright and shiny, silver chain.

"It belonged to my Mother, but I would like you to have it now." Edward took the necklace out of the box and deftly put it around my neck. Once he had finished with the clip, I reached up and felt the cool weight against my throat, liking the way it rested between my collarbones.

"It's beautiful Edward," I said, and I hesitated for a second. "When you say your Mother..."

"I mean Elizabeth Masen. I inherited a few things from her when she died, so you see, this is very special to me. No one but you would ever be able to part me from it."

"Are you sure...?" I suddenly felt very nervous about the necklace around my neck; I put my hand up to check the clasp was secure as I spoke.

"Hush," he whispered as he kissed me again for a moment. "You have no idea the joy it brings me seeing you wear this token, my Bella."

I believed him, of course. The happiness he was feeling at my acceptance of his gifts this morning was clear in his eyes, and when he reached out and stroked the crystal at my throat, I saw his adam's apple bob a little as he swallowed. I dismissed all of my final misgivings about accepting so much extravagance from him in that moment, anything that made him this happy could only be a good thing. I suddenly felt a swell of emotion build up inside me, and I had to swallow back tears that gathered in my eyes for a moment.

_I just love this man so much._

I suddenly shivered, breaking the spell that we had been under, and looked around us. We had become so consumed in our own little bubble, neither of us had realized that it had started to rain in a fine mist, and we were both getting a bit wet as we stood by the driver's door of the Volvo.

Edward seemed to notice where we were at the same time as I did, and quickly he opened the driver's door for me.

"Would you care to drive this morning? It seems like a good chance to take her out for a spin." He smiled as I took his hand and stepped into the car. He quickly ran around the other side, and jumped into the passenger seat, throwing our bags over his shoulder, into the back seat.

I started the car, but before I pulled away I turned to look at Edward; one thing that he had said had rankled with me.

"One thing Edward, now this car's mine, it is definitely a _he_. I might even name him." I couldn't help bursting out into laughter at the horrified look on Edward's face, and as I pulled away, he pinched his nose between his thumb and forefinger and glared at me.

_Oh yeah, I'm definitely going to name him._

**Edward**

It was quite a bizarre feeling; driving to school that morning in the passenger seat of my Volvo. I don't think that I had ever been a passenger in it before, and I winced every time Bella changed gear, despite the fact that she was doing so perfectly well. I screwed my eyes up for a second when I remembered her threat to name it, and hoped that she wouldn't do any such thing.

_I'm not as irrational about cars as some, but that might actually be enough to push me over the edge._

"What are you doing?" Bella suddenly chirped from the driver's seat. I had been watching her for most of our journey this morning, and she had seemed relaxed so far. But now a slight frown had crossed her face.

"Nothing. Watching you. I'm glad you've taken this morning so well, that all."

"Well..." she shrugged her shoulders and looked back towards the road. "Why shouldn't I, most people like presents."

She seemed to be trying to convince herself as much as me, so I didn't push it. I had enjoyed being allowed to give Bella something this morning, and she had given me a taste for it. I was already beginning to think about Christmas, when she broke our companionable silence in the car again.

"Do we really have to go to Alice's party tonight though, Edward? I can think of several other ways I would rather spend the evening of my birthday... most of them involve you and me alone in our room."

I couldn't help but laugh, while at the same time I felt my pants tighten. I knew how I'd much rather be spending this evening as well.

"No actually, I tell a lie," she continued. "They _all _involve you and me alone in our room."

"You are insatiable, Miss Swan. But yes, I'm afraid Alice is being very insistent about tonight, and, I think that I'd actually quite like to go too."

Bella didn't reply, but I saw her puzzled glance from the corner of my eye.

"I still haven't been back there, I mean, I've seen them all now, but I'd still like to go back." The fear I had felt around my family on my change had all but faded now, but I had still not dared to return home; something which I was beginning to feel the need to remedy.

"Oh." Bella focused back on the road again, and I saw her smile slip.

"It's only a party Bella; it can't help but be fun if Emmett has anything to do with it."

_Either that or deeply embarrassing, thank God he can't drink._

"Yeah. Of course," she mumbled, but she still looked upset. "I mean, yeah, I see why you'd want to go home. You have so much space there and everything..."

"What? What do you mean go home? I am home." My heart clenched tightly in my chest for a moment at the thought of leaving her, even for one night. How could she ever think that? I leant over and put my hand on the back of her neck, pressing my lips as close to her ear as I dared while she was driving. "I am home, right now in this car Bella, wherever you are, that's where I belong. I didn't say I wanted to go home; I just want to go back."

"Oh. Alright then." She smiled again, and I breathed a sigh of relief. The very thought of leaving her now made me feel quite ill.

"My family is still there Bella, and I still have a lot of stuff over there. Even my piano, it would just be good to be able to visit, and I've not managed to do so yet..."

"Edward, it's fine. We'll go." Bella glanced at me again, and this time the smile was genuine. "You'll just have to work out an excuse to get us out of there at a reasonably early hour, as I have plans for this evening!"

As she finished speaking we pulled into the school car park, and I started the mental slideshow of Emmett in various stages of undress that I used when I needed to regain control of my misbehaving body these days. Bella seemed to have no idea of what her words were able to do to me.

_Thank God I'm the one who can read minds!_

As we got out of the car a few moments later, Alice appeared beside us as I helped Bella from her seat, virtually vibrating with anticipation.

"Happy Birthday Bella! Oh, I'm so pleased you're coming tonight! I have everything planned, it's going to be so exciting!" She grabbed Bella from me and hugged her as she spoke, and I could see Bella struggling slightly as Alice swung her from side to side in her excitement.

"Thank you Alice," Bella said in a very muffled voice from somewhere inside Alice's coat. Alice seemed to realize what she was doing, and released Bella, who staggered back a couple of steps, amusement clearly visible in her eyes.

"But, honestly, it's not going to be that exciting, it is really only just a day." Bella stepped towards me and wrapped herself against my side, almost as if she was hiding behind me.

_What she thinks I can do against Alice these days, I don't know._

"It's the first actual birthday any of us have seen for many years Bella, I can assure you, we are all excited, even if you're not." Alice frowned at us both somewhat, her hands on her hips almost in horror that Bella wasn't as excited about her birthday as she should be. I couldn't help but chuckle as Bella buried herself further into my side, away from Alice's enthusiasm.

"I don't know what you think is so funny, Edward," Bella grumbled through my sleeve. "What do you think she's going to be like when you turn eighteen in June?"

Alice froze suddenly, and turned to face me almost in slow motion, her eyes seemed to be glazed as she took in what Bella had just said.

"Your first birthday in eighty-eight years Edward..." Alice whispered. "...it's going to be epic."

_Oh shit. _

Without another word she spun on her heel and walked into school, as Bella and I watched on in bemusement.

"Do you think that present she's carrying was meant for me?" Bella said as we followed after her a few seconds later.

"I'm sure it was, but I think I just saw Alice get distracted for the first time in my whole life." I was actually more than a little bit scared about what she might already be planning.

"I wonder what she'll manage to cook up over the next nine months..." Bella laughed as I pinched my nose for the second time this morning. I really hated to even imagine what Alice could do in nine months, building Rome wouldn't take her that long.

Bella and I parted ways a few moments later, moving on to our separate homerooms. I kissed her chastely as we parted, conscious of the many eyes on us as I wished her a good day. Ever since my inappropriate PDA the week before, I had been careful to behave only decently towards Bella around school, not wishing to tarnish her reputation any further than I already had.

For the first couple of days after our altercations with Jessica and Newton, I had been obsessively reading minds around me, checking that the rumour mill wasn't going to town. The very thought of people thinking less of her for being with me, at one point almost had me ready to drag her straight to the Town Hall to get married that very day.

I was doing my best to live in the 21st century, and for the most part I hoped I was succeeding. Bella seemed to be happy, and for the most part so was I. But ever since Mike and Jessica had used the word slut in relation to my Bella, I had begun to doubt my decision to give in to my hormones. I couldn't help but wonder if I was doing what was best for her, or what was best for me.

Fortunately there seemed to be little to no gossip about us. When I caught people thinking about mine and Bella's relationship, their thoughts were often kind, and sometimes jealous. By the beginning of this week I had begun to relax again, and forgotten the incidents that had marred our first day of senior year. However, as much as I would like to, I was unable to avoid Jessica Stanley, who was now seated by my side in homeroom for the rest of the year.

"Edward," she mumbled in greeting as I sat down beside her that morning. Our eyes had not met since her appalling attempts at flirting with me the week before, and this morning her gaze was downcast once again.

"Jessica." I pulled a book from my bag, and began to leaf through it, preparing for the day ahead. Suddenly, I heard a cough from beside me.

"Edward, I need to tell you something." I looked up to see Jessica looking at me nervously. I held her gaze, but I did not smile.

"Yes?"

"I just wanted to... I need to apologize for last week. I was awful, I know." She looked deeply embarrassed, but she didn't look away from me, and I felt a small pang of sympathy for her.

"Yes, you were."

_To put it mildly in fact._

"You see, I'm not trying to excuse my behaviour, but Mike and I broke up just before we came back to school." She shifted nervously in her chair, and I tried to tone down my glare. I was trying to make her feel uncomfortable, but I suddenly felt bad about it. "I resolved last week that I wasn't going to let our break up get me down, and that I was going to 'put myself out there', if you see what I mean. I think I got a little bit carried away."

Jessica's thoughts didn't betray anything other than the genuineness of her apology, and I was relieved. Having had time to get over the shock of her throwing herself at me quite so blatantly the week before, I was feeling rather more confident in fending off unwanted advances. But I still had no urge to be outright rude towards any woman.

"Jessica, thank you. I accept your apology." She smiled with relief, and I suddenly felt glad that I wasn't going to have to spend the entire year pretending that she wasn't there anymore.

"I don't want you all to feel like you can't sit with us all at lunch anymore. I know things have been really awkward."

"That's not just been about you, Jessica, I've had my own falling out with Mike recently." Mike had arrived back at school on Wednesday morning, having had a day out to recover from his injuries, with a massively bruised and broken nose. The swelling made him look a little like the elephant man, which had led to a rather unfortunate nickname over the last few days. I personally had tried to rise above it. Out loud, at least.

"That was probably my fault as well; I assume he said something to you about Bella..." I nodded vaguely as she continued. "I may have said some things that weren't true; I apologized to Bella about that yesterday."

Hmmm, that was news to me, but I supposed that Bella was allowing Jessica to have her say without her intervention.

"So, do you think you'd all like to join us for lunch today? By the time Mike and I still aren't talking, it's getting a bit quiet without Bella and Angela. I spent most of lunch yesterday listening to Yorkie talk about writing the dullest sounding college application essay ever." She seemed to have finished what she had to say, and I looked up to see that the teacher was about to make a start.

"I'll speak to Bella about it, Jessica. Maybe we'll see you later." Knowing Bella, I had no doubt that we would be seeing Jessica later. She would have forgiven her as soon as she apologized, her selflessness knew no bounds.

School dragged on. The last thing I felt like doing today was sitting listening to teachers droning away, but still it continued.

I had been worried at first that school was going to be more difficult this year, working within my new human constraints suddenly, but my fears had been ill founded. Indeed, I had to pay more attention now, so as not to get caught out as I had been on the first day. But my endless repetition of High School over the years had clearly stayed with me, so the work I had to do was still straightforward.

In fact, my only problem had become the fact that essays which once would have taken me a few short minutes to write, now took hours, leaving my hand aching. This only added to my boredom I found, as I had to spend much longer actually doing the work, though it was all still very simple.

The bright spots in my day came in the lessons I shared with Bella, though concentrating in these was harder, as distracting as sitting beside her was.

Finally the school day ended, and we returned home to prepare for Alice's party. Charlie wasn't due home until six, and we had agreed with Alice that we would be at the Cullen house for seven o'clock. Bella had never received her present from Alice during the day, and had been worrying that she would be receiving more gifts when we arrived.

We were settled on the couch, with drinks and a large bowl of popcorn. Bella wanted to spend the afternoon watching Romeo and Juliet, and who was I to argue with her on her birthday.

"They haven't spent a lot of money on me, have they?" The introduction was still playing on the film, and Bella still seemed to be concerned with what we were going to find at her party that evening.

"I don't even know myself what they've bought you Bella, I haven't been there. As far as I knew, Emmett had been planning on buying a radio for your truck, which is now clearly unnecessary, and Esme had intended to buy us both tickets to go and see your mother. Which is an experience, I think, we could both do without repeating for a little while as yet."

"Hey..."

"Am I wrong?"

"No... But she's still my Mom, even if she is a pain in the butt." Bella grinned as I leant in and kissed her softly on the lips distracting her from thoughts of her mother.

"Have I wished you a happy birthday recently, my Bella?" I asked her, as I ran my nose along the edge of her jaw, inhaling her beautiful scent, and relishing the fact I could do it now with such ease.

"Why no, I don't think you have..."

"Happy Birthday..." I leant in and kissed her more firmly this time, as I pulled her body against mine.

I pushed her back into the cushions of the couch, as our mouths opened to each other, and we kissed fervently. We moved around into a more comfortable position, and I settled half way on top of her as we lay down together. I tangled my legs with hers and pulled her tightly into my arms, as she grasped at my hair with her fingers. There was less of it for her to play with now, and I couldn't help but smirk a bit as she grasped at what she could, and tugged in frustration.

"I miss your hair, Edward," she grumbled, as my lips moved from her mouth to the underside of her jaw.

"I'm sorry, I'll grow it back if you want me to." Right then I'd have probably agreed to shave my head and paint it blue, if only Bella would focus again on the kissing.

"Good. I like something to get hold of, you know."

"Shhhhh," I breathed into her neck, the film now forgotten as I reveled in her touch and her taste and her smell.

We spent the rest of the afternoon making out on the couch as if we were teenagers, while Romeo and Juliet continued with their foolishness in the background. It wasn't until the end music began, that I realised how the time had passed and that Charlie would be home soon. I eased away from her gradually; until we were laying side by side on the lumpy couch, staring at each other.

"We missed the movie," Bella breathed, as she smiled at me warmly. I felt comfortable and loved in her arms, and I couldn't help but squeeze her a little closer to me again.

"It's not great, you didn't miss anything." I couldn't help but roll my eyes as I said it, though Bella seemed to immediately take umbrage.

"I like it, it's passionate."

I sighed, I simply did not understand her fascination with this particular play. "Romeo is a fool Bella. Firstly he's in love with Rosaline - don't you think that makes him seem a little fickle? And then, a few minutes after their wedding, he kills Juliet's cousin. That's not very brilliant. Mistake after mistake, how could he have destroyed his own happiness any more thoroughly? As characters go, I have very little respect for him."

"But ultimately, he couldn't live without Juliet, nor she without him." Bella had a passion in her eyes as she discussed literature, that I couldn't help but enjoy. I started to wonder if there were any other of her favourite books that I could take against, as arguing about them with her was great fun.

"But a few short days before, if the same thing had happened, would he have died for Rosaline in the same way he did for Juliet? I can't help but feel Romeo was more in love with being in love, than with Juliet." Bella seemed to become more irritated with this, and pulled herself into an almost sitting position as she continued to defend a fictional character.

_Having such affection for a fictional character seems quite pointless to me._

"Of course not, Edward, honestly, the love that Romeo and Juliet had was perfect."

"Only because it didn't exist long enough for him to move on to the next girl, Bella, if he had never struck down Tybalt, how long would it have been until he moved on to the next luckless maiden, secret marriage forgotten?" Bella suddenly frowned at me as I spoke, and I saw something cross her features for a second.

"So you have no respect for Romeo, because you doubt his constancy?" she asked.

"Quite. As I said Bella, I think he was a fool." I pulled her back down on the couch, and began to nip on her earlobe again. "You know very well, that constancy is something that I think is very important in a man."

"I know." I felt her smile against the crook of my neck as we began to kiss again.

We pulled up to my old home a few minutes after seven, and I looked up at the house with some degree of trepidation. Alice had worked her magic, and the front of the house looked beautiful. Japanese lanterns hug from the front of the house, and great bowls of pink roses lined the front steps. I glanced over towards Bella, to see that she was glaring at the frivolities as if they offended her.

"This is a party Bella, my love, please try and be a good sport." I smiled at her, in the hopes that she would smile back. She did.

"I will Edward, I just - you know this makes me cringe!"

"I know. Come on, let's go in."

We exited the car, and walked to the front door as if we were heading towards an execution. When I opened the front door, the first thing I noticed was many more of the same decorations, the scent of roses tumbling out of the door towards us, almost alarming in its intensity.

"Happy Birthday Bella!" Came in a chorus from my family as we entered the house, and we found them all lined up together, in the main living room along with more bowls full of roses. There was a table by my piano covered in a white cloth, bearing a huge pink birthday cake, and yet more decorations and roses.

As we stood and took this all in, I wrapped my arm around Bella, as I sensed her discomfort in the situation.

Esme approached us first, and wrapped her arms around Bella carefully. Then Carlisle approached us, and as he hugged Bella he stage whispered to both of us. "I'm sorry about this Bella, we couldn't rein Alice in. You should thank heaven for small mercies though; you have no idea what she's planning for Edward."

I managed to zone out the rest of my family's greetings and birthday wishes to Bella, as I began to worry about what Alice could possibly be thinking about for my birthday. More and more largesse ideas came to me, but still none of them seemed quite enough for what I knew she must be thinking. I quickly came to the conclusion that I would plan to go on vacation for my birthday this year, as far away as I could possibly manage.

"You just try it, Edward!" A sharp voice suddenly appeared in my ear, and I turned to find Alice standing on my opposite side to Bella. "I expect you to be available for whatever I plan for your birthday, no discussion. And why didn't you answer me a minute ago?" she seemed to add as an afterthought.

"I'm working on zoning out all of your minds as well, in the same way as I do to humans. You're louder, but for the first time ever I'm actually standing in a room with you all, and not hearing every word that runs through your heads. It's very refreshing."

"Oh. Ok, I guess I'll let you off then. I _thought_ you were ignoring me." Alice pouted, as I shook my head at her.

"I wouldn't dare, Alice."

"Good. Well, it's present time! Bella, come with me," Alice suddenly instructed very authoritatively, and I felt Bella shrink into my arms.

"Come on love," I whispered in her ear. "I'll come with you."

We followed Alice to the table, piled high with presents. Everyone gathered to one side of us, but as I made to step away Bella grabbed hold of my hand tightly.

"Stay," she hissed.

"Of course." I stepped behind her, and wrapped both of my arms tightly around her waist, pulling her back firmly against my chest and stomach. She felt so delicate in my arms; I couldn't help but lean down and place a kiss on her hair.

"Here, this is from Emmett and Rosalie." Alice handed Bella a large packet, wrapped in silver paper.

Bella unwrapped it quickly, ripping at the paper with her fingers. I could feel her discomfort as she did, but to her credit she smiled as she saw what they had bought her.

"It's great... I think... What is it?" Bella rolled the large piece of metal around in her hands inquisitively, and Rosalie seemed to suddenly defrost towards her, breaking into a smile.

"It's a shock absorber Bella. Now that Edward has given you the Volvo, leave it with me for a bit and I'll do a few things to it to make it more interesting for you." Rosalie leant over and took the shock absorber from a rather surprised looking Bella, and then she stepped back behind Emmett.

"Thanks Rosalie..." I had to bite back a chuckle, as I didn't need to be able to read Bella's mind to know that she had no idea what Rosalie was planning to do to her car. To be honest, that might have been for the best.

"Mine next, mine next." Alice thrust a smallish silver box under Bella's nose next, the present that we had already seen her holding earlier at school today.

"Thank you, Alice." Bella took the present from Alice and turned it over in her hands for a moment, before she thrust her finger under the paper, and pulled against it. Just as quickly she jerked her fingers away again, as she stood enclosed in my arms.

"Shoot," she muttered as she pulled her finger out of the paper, and began to examine it. I had time to notice a single bead of blood begin to ooze from the cut.

I couldn't even tell you exactly what happened next, only that it all happened very quickly.

I suddenly felt rather than heard a rumble from behind me, and in the next instant I felt as if I had been hit by a car from behind. Bella and I went flying through the air, and landed a moment later, with an enormous weight on my back, pinning Bella beneath me.

I instinctively protected her as we landed in a heap on the floor, several yards from where we had been standing, cradling her to my body as much as I could. I tried to avoid landing on her with my full weight, though it was hard with, whatever the hell it was, clinging to my back.

I could hear a hubbub of noise in the room around me as I landed. The huge weight was still on my back, and a searing jolt of pain shot through my body just as we hit the floor.

An instant later the weight was gone from on top of me, and I flopped over onto my back to release Bella, in time to see Emmett dragging Jasper away from us as he struggled furiously. Jasper's jaw was locked, but his eyes were black with madness. I opened my mind to his, and I could hear only one, agonized thought.

_My brother, my brother..._

All this time, I could hear a loud tormented shrieking noise, and I rolled back to face my Bella to find her wide brown eyes staring at me in horror.

It was only then that I realized; the screaming was coming from me.

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**A/N – Sorry, I know. If it makes you feel any better, the next update isn't too far off. **

**Thank you to everyone who reviews! **

**Only one rec this week, though it is an absolute must read if you don't already know it. **

"**Master of the Universe" by Snowqueen Icedragon, in full on Twilighted only as she has fallen foul of the FF police, is really brilliant. I'm not usually into the BDSM stories, as I'm a control freak and the idea of submitting doesn't do much for me tbh, but this one is just magnificent.**

**One word of warning though, venomaddict (my beta) bitched my arse out for three days straight while she read it, unable to put it down even to sleep. Sorry babe ;).**

**Til next time.**

**Ria**


	24. Agony

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight!

Thank you to venomaddict for betaing, and for keeping me entertained when everyone else is asleep.

This story can also be found on The Writers Coffee Shop and Twilighted. This chapter is the same on all three sites.

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**Edward**

"Edward! _Edward_! _Carlisle_! Oh God… Edward, what hurts?" Bella cried as she sat up beside me, and searched my body frantically as I writhed in agony. I screwed my eyes up tightly to try and get past the pain, but there seemed to be no escaping it.

Pain wasn't something I was familiar with anymore; to cause a vampire actual pain is virtually impossible, and the agony I was in was appalling. I felt almost incoherent with it as I howled in anguish, barely conscious of the movement around me, and the hands and arms touching and moving me.

"Oh God, Carlisle, quickly…"

"Carlisle, is he bitten? I can't see…"

"Bella, Esme, hush, it's ok. No I don't think he's been bitten - I can't smell any fresh blood or venom on him. Edward, look at me… Edward! I need you to focus, look right here!" His voice was insistent as he hissed in my ear, trying to drag my attention back from the pain and panic that seemed to be dominating my every thought and function in that moment.

I clenched my jaw and forced my eyes open, and found Carlisle looming above me. His eyes were full of concern, but I could tell that he was in doctor mode, and I tried to relax enough to be able to do what he needed me to. I could see that both Bella and Esme were hovering behind Carlisle; Esme looked distraught, and Bella looked even worse, as tears silently poured down her cheeks.

I could feel warms hands wrapped around my left hand, and I squeezed for a second, trying to console Bella, who looked utterly terrified as she stared at me. I was lying on the floor, and above me I could see my piano; I was so close to it I was almost underneath it. The hardwood floor I was lying on was uncomfortable, but I was in so much pain I only noticed in the vaguest way.

I fought to regain some level of control of myself for a few moments; I fixed my eyes on Carlisle and tried to use him to ground myself. After a couple seconds I found that, though the pain was still horrible, I was able to calm my thrashing movements, and quiet down enough to try and answer his questions.

"Edward, listen to my voice, we don't have much time. Have you been bitten?" Carlisle had assured Bella that I had not been, but as he asked me I could tell that he was still concerned that it was a possibility.

I struggled to focus on the pain I was in for a moment. Was I burning?

"My… my shoulder." I ground out, biting back another cry of pain as I tried to be strong for Bella's sake. I could still see her over Carlisle's shoulder, and I couldn't bear to see her suffer every pulse of pain that crashed through me, as I knew I would be doing if our roles were reversed.

Carlisle ran his hands over my body, and I struggled considerably when he reached the source of my torment. I felt… broken.

"Oh, thank the good Lord," Carlisle breathed as his hands settled on my right shoulder. "Edward, it's dislocated, that's why it hurts so much. You've not been bitten." Behind him, Bella almost collapsed into Esme's arms as he spoke, and my heart ached to see her so distraught over me.

I couldn't manage to hold back the cries of pain and at the same time reply to Carlisle, so I simply nodded my understanding of what had happened, and of what he must do next.

"I'll try and put it back in, it will be excruciating for a few seconds, then you should be a lot more comfortable. Do you understand, Edward?"

I nodded again, and braced myself as Carlisle positioned his hand against my shoulder, pinning me firmly to the floor as he did.

"Ready, three, two-" On two he quickly rotated my arm, and I bit back a yell as I felt the most terrible sensation of my joint moving in a way it most certainly should not, followed by a distinct pop, as my shoulder moved back into its correct position.

The relief was immediate, and I gasped at the loss of the pain I had been completely suffocated by only seconds before. I found that my eyes were shut again, and I remained like that, flat on the floor with my eyes closed, for several seconds as I tried to calm my body's reaction to the intense physical misery I had just been in. After a couple of seconds I felt warm hands cupping my jaw on each side, and I opened my eyes to find Bella hovering inches above me.

"What happened to one, Carlisle?" I know that maybe thank you may have been better as my first coherent words, but that wasn't what came out.

"People always tense up on one; two is usually the way to go." I looked over Bella's shoulder to see Carlisle crouching behind her, his expression full of relief.

"Thank you."

"No problem. Though we really need to get you down to the hospital now to get some X-rays, and maybe an MRI, to check there's no internal damage." He reached out and ran his hand over my shoulder again, seemingly to check I was ok, but I could feel the emotion in his touch too. "Are you in any pain anywhere else, or is your shoulder still causing you a lot of discomfort?"

I assessed myself for a moment, as Bella, Carlisle and Esme all looked on. My shoulder was throbbing dully, but since Carlisle had repositioned it the acute pain was gone. Now I became aware that my right hand was throbbing painfully, as was my right temple. It was with earth shattering relief that I finally acknowledged that I most definitely was not burning, the very thought of which made my heart race in horror. I looked back into Bella's eyes, who was by now almost nose to nose with me, and managed a weak smile.

"I have some other knocks, Carlisle, I think my hand might need an X-ray too while we're at it, and I could do with some ice for my head. But as vampire attacks go, that was one of the better ones." As I spoke Bella seemed to relax, and moved forwards until her forehead was resting on mine.

"Thank God. Oh thank God. Oh thank you God. I thought, for a second there, I thought…" Bella didn't need to complete her thought, as it was clear on her face, along with Carlisle and Esme's as well.

"Shhh, I'm fine, I'm fine." I forced myself to sit up, and I pulled Bella into my lap. She dissolved into tears again as I rocked her gently for a few moments, but I felt almost too calm. "Bella, are you ok. We landed very hard, I'm sure I landed on you…"

"_Christ_, Edward, I'm fine. You held onto me, you took the whole force of the landing yourself, I was hardly even jostled," she said, her voice hitching as she continued to sob. "I just… I saw Jasper _on _you, his face was pressed into your shoulder, he looked so…" She dissolved into almost hysterics, and I continued to rock her, thinking that she was probably going into shock.

"Where did everyone else go Carlisle?" I looked around the room, and really took in the scene of destruction around me for the first time.

Somehow, as Jasper had crashed into us, the table containing the birthday cake and presents had been knocked over, and cake and icing was splattered far and wide across the floor. There were shards of glass everywhere around me, from the shattered bowls of roses that had also been on the table, but by some kind of miracle, neither Bella or I had been cut. The presents which had been on the table were now scattered across the floor, covered in icing and cake. Esme was already sweeping up around us as we sat, still on the floor. I was glad to see the broken glass vanishing quickly, as the last thing we needed was to add more blood to this equation.

"Alice went with Jasper; they've gone into the forest. Emmett and Rosalie are sticking with them for now, just to keep an eye on Jasper while you two are still here." Carlisle stood finally, and vanished for a second, returning in the next instant, holding his car keys. "To be honest, I think it might be better if we left; straight for the hospital if you don't mind."

I nodded, my chin pressed firmly into the top of Bella's head as she gradually began to quiet down in my arms.

"Bella, love, we need to go," I whispered to her, unsure of quite how she was, as she was still clinging to me tightly. I had become used to Bella being the strong one recently, and to see her dissolve quite so fully had left me reeling.

I was also feeling shocked myself; the suddenness with which the simple family party had collapsed into a scene out of a horror film had been quite terrifying. But more than anything in that moment, I needed to get Bella away from the house, and away from _them. _What could have happened if I had been merely a foot or two away from her when Jasper had lost control, made me feel…

_Not now, get her away from here._

"Bella," I said again, as she wiped her eyes on the front of my shirt, before she smiled awkwardly.

"Sorry, I haven't got a tissue, and if I did that to this dress…" She shrugged.

"I know, don't worry," I murmured as I held her tightly to me again. "Are you ready to go?"

Carlisle was hovering over us still, and I could sense his eagerness for us to get up. I opened myself to his mind for a moment, and in his thoughts he was worried, both about my injury, and the possibility of Jasper returning before we had a chance to leave.

"Yes, God, I'm sorry, you must still be hurting." She stood quickly, and held her hand out to help me up. "Come on, let's get you looked at."

I got a good look at her face for the first time then, and although it was tear streaked, her expression was determined. I took her outstretched hand, and somehow managed to get up from the floor with only her help. Carlisle didn't try to assist me, and I was glad. After such a sudden reminder of the danger we could both be in whilst around my family, I wasn't sure how I would have reacted to him touching me right then.

Once I was on my feet, I was glad to see that I was reasonably steady, the only remaining discomfort in my shoulder being a dull throb. I examined my right hand for a moment, and concluded that I had probably broken my two smallest fingers, and possibly also my middle finger as I fell. I shook my head a little, and though I could feel a large bump on my forehead, I didn't feel as if I was concussed. As I checked myself over, I could sense Carlisle and Bella watching me carefully, so when I finally looked back up at them, I forced a small smile.

"I'm ok, but I think a couple of X-rays would be a good idea. Let's go Carlisle."

I wrapped my unhurt arm around Bella, and urged her quickly through the house. I had been hit with an urgent need to get her away from there, and by the time we reached the car outside we were running, with me dragging her along, almost off of her feet.

Carlisle had gone on ahead of us, and the car was running with the back door open when we reached it. I virtually threw Bella in, before jumping in behind her and yanking the door shut behind me. Carlisle pulled away immediately with a shriek of his tires, and as the large white house I used to call home vanished into the darkness I allowed myself to breathe a small sigh of relief.

"Very Bonnie and Clyde," whispered Bella. Though I knew she was trying to lighten the mood, I could only look at her, unable to even force the tiniest of smiles. She held my stare, and I could see tears glistening in her eyes in the lights from the dashboard.

I unclipped my seatbelt and moved over towards her. I wrapped my arms around her tiny frame, and buried my face into her neck as the overwhelming reality of what had just happened crashed over me. All of my breath left my body, and I began to shake as I truly understood that Bella, _my Bella, _could have been killed.

I had heard in Jasper's thoughts as he was dragged away from me, that the only reason that he had been able to keep his jaw locked and not bite, was that it was me that he had hit. His love for me, his brother, had been just enough to stop him from sinking his teeth into my throat. If I hadn't been holding her, if he'd hit her instead of me, how could things have been different?

_Could she be dead at this very moment, save for one tiny circumstance?_

Bella was holding me tightly, but suddenly she began to run her hands through my hair soothingly, cooing into my ear as she did.

"Shhh, Edward, shhh. You're ok. It's all ok. Everything's alright," she whispered, and as she started to wipe the moisture from my cheeks I realized that I was crying.

_No Bella, nothing's alright. Nothing at all._

"Edward, shhhh, don't cry baby, please don't." Bella continued to soothe me, but I was beyond comfort, beyond reason almost as I felt more silent tears escape my eyes. Partly I cried due to shock, unable to fully comprehend what had almost happened, but mostly I cried for the loss of my innocence, because when I thought about it, what had just happened wasn't really surprising in the slightest.

I finally saw that my greatest fear wasn't paranoia on my part, only the pure unacceptable truth. Even as a human I still posed too great a risk to Bella, and if our lives continued as they were, most likely neither one of us would live very long. My life was too caught up in the supernatural already, the people I called my family fought a constant battle in our presence that I knew only too well, and the tiniest slip or accident could lead to one of them losing that battle – again. Next time we might not be so lucky.

_Next time, or the time after that, how many times could we escape the inevitable?_

I gripped Bella to me a little tighter as I felt my tears begin to dry up, and I made myself calm down enough for when we arrived at the hospital. She was still running her hands through my hair in a soothing manner, and I had to make myself focus on something else to stop myself from breaking down in tears again.

Mostly I couldn't allow myself to dwell on the reason for my tears. She thought I was crying for what had happened, when really I was crying for what I had to do.

Before I knew it we arrived at the hospital, and we followed Carlisle past the nighttime staff sitting at the reception desk wordlessly. I could feel numbness creeping into my mind as we walked, my hand was intertwined with Bella's but it felt an almost mechanical gesture. How could I possibly dare to touch her, when I was her curse?

As we walked towards the X-ray lab, I marveled at the fact that I had never really known utter agony until this moment. The realization that even as a human I was a danger to her, and worse, now I couldn't even protect her from the horrors I led to her door, left me with a gaping hole in my chest where my heart had once been. This could not just be heartbreak, I almost felt like I was dead.

"Bella, can you wait outside please, best not to expose yourself to any unnecessary X-rays," Carlisle said as we reached the door.

"It doesn't matter-" she began, but I interrupted.

"Yes it does, stay out here, Bella." I couldn't help the stern tone of my voice as I led her towards the waiting room a couple of doors down. "We'll only be a minute."

I left her seated in the tiny waiting room, on a green chair with a hole in the fabric of the seat. I turned away quickly after she sat, but I couldn't miss the concerned expression on her face as I walked away from her.

I entered the X-ray lab a moment later, where Carlisle was busy turning on the machine. It was nearly eight in the evening, and the staff who usually managed the X-rays in the hospital had clearly already left for the night. I walked into the middle of the room and stopped, waiting for him to do what was necessary, but not really caring if he did or didn't. I tried to focus on just breathing in and out for a moment, trying to find something inside me that didn't feel empty and dead, but it seemed to be a pointless exercise. I could hardly even breathe.

"Edward." I heard Carlisle say my name, but I couldn't even rouse myself to look up at him. I simply stayed where I was, unmoving, unable to drag my eyes away from the small scratch in the floor I had focused on for some reason.

"Edward," he said, softer this time, and I suddenly felt his hand on my elbow. I jerked away quickly, unable to stand the cold dead feel of his hand on my body.

"I'm sorry Carlisle," I muttered, immediately regretting my reaction as I saw the hurt bloom in his eyes. "What do you need me to do?"

Carlisle directed me towards the machine, and for a couple of minutes he busied himself with taking X-rays as I stood in silence, waiting for him to finish, but not really caring either way. My mind seemed to have almost disengaged from my actions by now, and I wasn't even thinking, losing myself in utter numbness, where I didn't feel the pain in my chest anymore.

When he had finished, I knew he was examining the X-rays, but I didn't move to take a look for myself. After a couple of minutes he reappeared in front of me; he approached me slowly, as if he was approaching a ticking bomb.

"Your shoulder looks to be fine, but I'm going to have to strap up your hand, you've broken three of your fingers," he said, as I continued to stare ahead of me, unseeing.

"Edward, talk to me, son." I flinched as I felt his hand on my arm again, but I didn't pull away this time.

"Strap up my hand. Ok." I nodded, still not meeting his eyes.

"We need to talk about what we're going to do next." I continued to nod as he spoke, though I didn't know what he meant. I didn't try and listen to his thoughts, but I did finally meet his gaze.

"Ok."

Carlisle led me to a seat at the side of the room, and when he sat down beside me he was holding his medical case. He quickly took out the materials he would need to strap my hand, including a small brace to splint my fingers against, and set to work quietly. I could see that my fingers were beginning to swell, and there was pain as he strapped my fingers together, but I almost welcomed it, a small chink peeking through the numbness that had taken me over entirely.

"Since the incident with the wolves, I have been considering what would be for the best for all of us," Carlisle said in a subdued tone. "They present a genuine threat to us, and I worry that we have not yet felt all of the ramifications of our confrontation a few nights ago."

I nodded, simply waiting for him to continue.

"Now after tonight, I can't help but feel it may be in yours and Bella's best interests if we were to put some distance between us as well." He paused, and I could see the sorrow such a thought caused him. "I think that it might be best for everyone if we were to leave Forks, as soon as possible."

"I agree." For the first time since I had got out of the car outside of the hospital something had cut through the numbness, and I recognised the truth of what Carlisle was saying.

"If we go, the wolves should become less of a threat, as if there are no vampires, there's no reason for them to continue to defend their land. Also, I think tonight demonstrates that a human is really not safe in our presence on a continuing basis. Tonight it was Jasper, but Emmett has also been known to have his weaker moments…"

As he had been speaking, Carlisle had finished strapping up my hand, and I pulled it into my lap to examine it as I considered all he had said.

What was the real danger to Bella here? The wolves? The vampires? Yes… but who had brought them into her life? If my family left, the wolves would still remain, and they knew what I once was. I was certain that their interest in me was not over.

The fact remained, human or not, my life was entirely filled with the supernatural, all of which was dangerous for her.

My family could go, but what other vampires could be attracted by me, maybe who heard about my changing back into a human again? _Human Blood drinking _vampires. Even the Volturi could pay us a visit, they would be almost certain to if they ever heard about what had happened.

I was likely to continue to attract danger to her, only now I wouldn't be able to defend her against it. Hell, when I'd been a _vampire_, I only just made it in time when James took her. _Because of me._ Now I had no chance. Which meant, neither did she.

I suddenly realized that I had been quiet for a long time, and unthinkingly I dipped into Carlisle's thoughts.

…_He looks terrible; do I dare leave him at the moment? I have no idea what to do for the best. Oh Lord, please help me do the right thing for my children…_

Now that I was able to effectively block his thoughts, I suddenly felt that I was intruding as Carlisle began to pray for guidance. I had heard his inner prayers many times over the years, Carlisle was a pious man, but he had never sounded so truly desperate in them before.

"When do you plan to leave?" I broke the silence finally, not sure I was yet able to articulate what I was feeling, but knowing that I had to establish how long I had to make my choice.

"I won't be able to leave the hospital without some kind of notice. I will discuss it with everyone tonight when I get back, but I think it will need to be fairly soon. Maybe within the next fortnight, though I suspect that some may choose to move on earlier." He bowed his head, and I ached for his sorrow.

"I need to get back to Bella. Would you drive us home Carlisle, maybe someone could drop the Volvo back later?" As I spoke I could feel the numbness seeping through again, and I embraced it.

"Of course." Carlisle stood, and I followed him out of the door.

We had been in the lab for fifteen minutes, and I hoped that Bella had been ok while she waited for us. If I was honest, it had been a relief to be away from her for a few minutes. Every time I looked at her in the car as we drove earlier, a fresh stab of pain had hit me, until I was left reeling, and crying in her arms like a child.

The thought that something could happen to her because of me was… beyond unbearable. She had to go on, she had to live, the world could not continue without her. I wouldn't let it.

I stepped through the door, and pulled the blanket of numbness more tightly around me, hiding for now from what was to come.

**Bella**

My heart was aching as I sat and waited for Carlisle and Edward to be finished with his X-rays that night. It seemed to take a lot longer than I ever recalled X-rays taking, I should know, I'd been for enough, but I waited patiently. As Edward had turned away from me a few minutes earlier, his expression had been so sad, it made me almost feel like crying to realize how deeply affected he had been by this evening's events.

I had already forgiven Jasper in my heart; the whole thing had been my own stupid fault anyway.

_I mean, who the hell gets a paper cut that actually bleeds, let alone on a Birthday present? I never heard of anything so fucking stupid in my life!_

The whole thing had happened so quickly, when I thought of it, I was unable to really even put together what had happened. I only had tiny flashes of memory. The pain of the paper cut, a jolt, followed by a sensation of moving very rapidly, and finally, Jasper's black eyes glaring at me from over Edward's shoulder, most of his face hidden as he pressed into Edward's body.

I'd not been able to see if Edward had been bitten or not, so as soon as he started yelling in pain, my mind had gone to the worst place possible. _He's been bitten. He's changing again. Oh no. Oh God I've lost him again._

Although it felt like a lifetime, Edward had only actually cried out in pain a couple of times, and it had probably only taken Carlisle about ten seconds to establish what had actually happened. When he confirmed that Edward had not been bitten, my relief had almost knocked me to the floor. During those ten seconds I had felt as if my life was over, and they had only served to make sure that I knew for certain what I wanted now.

Previously, I had longed to be a vampire with Edward, being as we are for an eternity, and a small part of me had wondered if maybe that wasn't still better than just one lifetime. Edward's humanity had been a marvelous gift, and our lives together were amazing, but part of me still wondered if I had actually been destined to be a vampire.

The way that I still felt so comfortable around the rest of the Cullens had made me wonder if I was actually missing out on something. But ten short seconds had removed every final doubt in my mind.

The very thought of Edward changing back had almost killed me. Edward as a vampire had been wonderful, and I loved him more than my own life. Edward as a human though was still the same man, only there was nothing keeping us apart anymore. He was warmer, and funnier, and being in his presence made me feel complete, but it was more than that even. Now I felt like a better person myself, I knew I was stronger, more determined, more self confident, happier. He was everything, my soul mate, my life, and for ten seconds I thought I was going to lose him.

Our future had flashed before my eyes as if I was dying. I saw our wedding and our children. I imagined our home, and I saw Edward; older, greying around the edges a little, but more beautiful even for that. In those ten seconds I realized how much I wanted all of that, I wanted a _life _with him, and I wasn't going to risk it again. I knew now that I was ready to marry him, tomorrow if that was what he wanted, though after graduation would probably be more sensible. I wanted to mark him as mine in every way, and let him do the same to me.

I smiled to myself in the quiet waiting room, as I said the words aloud that my Mother had spent most of my life making me afraid of.

"I _want_ to marry him." I could hear the certainty in my voice, and I wondered at it.

I knew there were other things to deal with first. Edward had seemed to be utterly devastated by this evening's events, he had openly sobbed in my arms on the car journey to the hospital, and I had never felt anyone breakdown quite like that before. I understood why though, as I felt the same pain he did.

There was no way we could keep Edward's family so closely in our lives now. Having thought even for those few seconds that he could be changing again made me, not _afraid of them, _but at least wary. I _would not_ risk Edward like that again. The thought of anything happening to him was too much for me to bear; I didn't see how I could ever relax around Jasper with Edward. How could I?

For me it would be a terrible wrench, Alice was my best friend, the others were like family to me too, but for Edward… To spend almost a century with people, only to suddenly have to relegate them to emails and occasional visits… I couldn't begin to empathize with him, but I could see that it was breaking him.

I couldn't see any other way though.

I silently thanked God that I had fought so hard to keep him with me when the wolves had tried to enforce the treaty against him, when we returned from Florida. This evening had only justified my actions in my mind, however foolhardy everybody else thought I had been.

I shifted in my seat, becoming aware that they had really been in there too long now for Carlisle just to be taking X-rays.

_Maybe he had broken his hand; Carlisle could be fixing him up?_

I made myself dismiss the nagging worry in the back of my mind, knowing for sure that I was becoming irrational when I started imagining Carlisle feeding on Edward, while I sat and waited patiently next door. I forced myself to think about something else, and I found myself envisioning a tiny green eyed baby boy in my arms, my own little Edward. I had never thought of myself as maternal, but maybe it really was just a case of finding the right man, as I couldn't imagine that there could be any such thing as too many of Edward's children.

_So what now?_

I felt like I needed a plan, and I found myself longing for Alice. I knew that I could never lose her from my life entirely, but now I understood, _really understood_, why Edward had always worried about my welfare so much. Not in a conceptual way, or even like when I had thought he was ill on our first night together, but in a bone deep _need_ to keep him safe, whatever it cost me.

As I pondered I finally heard the door along the corridor open again, and I was on my feet immediately. I raced into the corridor to find Edward and Carlisle walking towards me. I noted the strapping on Edward's hand, and I stepped to his side and took it in my own as they stopped.

"Are you alright?" I asked him, as I gently cradled his hand. Three of his fingers were bound against a brace, so he couldn't curl them around mine like I did his.

"Yes, I'm fine… we should go home. It's been a long day." I looked at his eyes as he spoke, and the cold look in them frightened me. He looked so utterly lost.

"Ok, whatever you want, baby." Edward and Carlisle carried on walking, and I tagged along at Edward's side. They were both walking quickly, and I had to almost run to keep up with them.

We slipped into the Mercedes with slightly less drama this time, though I was surprised when, after holding the back door open for me, Edward slipped into the front passenger seat. We were all silent as we drove home, although part of me wondered if Edward and Carlisle were having a silent conversation, as occasionally I heard a mutter coming from Edward's direction.

Eventually I turned and looked out of the window, trying to make myself believe that I didn't care that Edward didn't want to sit in the back with me.

With Carlisle at the wheel, we arrived home quite quickly, and when we arrived I realised that Charlie was still up. I looked at my watch, and I was surprised to find that it was only just after nine. What with everything that had happened this evening it felt much later, and I groaned internally when I realized that we would have to go in and talk to Charlie, when all I really wanted to do was take Edward to bed and wrap myself around him as tightly as if I were a second skin.

Edward opened the passenger door for me when we stopped, and as I stepped out of the car I saw the Volvo sitting in the driveway already. I was relieved that we wouldn't need to return to the Cullen house right now to collect it, but part of me couldn't help but wonder who had returned it, and where they were now.

_You're being irrational again._

We both said our goodbyes to Carlisle, and I couldn't miss the worry in his expression as he said goodbye to Edward. Carlisle looked so deeply concerned in fact that it made me worry all the more, and as we walked to the front door hand in hand, I examined Edward's face in the moonlight.

His expression was calm. The only clue to any tension he was feeling was the way his jaw was set tightly, and his abject refusal to look at me.

As I watched him, I noticed his breath in the air, and I suddenly realized how cold it had become. Part of me rejoiced as his warm breath escaped him, and I thanked God again that nothing worse had happened this evening.

I opened the front door, and I could hear the TV coming from the living room.

"Bells? Is that you?" Charlie called, without moving from his seat, as I shut the door firmly behind us.

I rolled my eyes. "No Dad, it's a burglar."

I moved towards the living room doorway; I could feel Edward's presence behind me as I smiled at Charlie.

"No one likes a smartass, Bella. Did you have a good time at your party?" Charlie's eyes were wandering back to the TV even as he spoke to me, and I was relieved that he was distracted enough that we could go straight to bed.

"Yeah, it was good…" I mumbled, uncertain of quite what to say.

"I fell. We've been up to the hospital with Carlisle this evening." I was almost surprised to hear Edward speak, and I looked behind me to see him waving his broken hand vaguely in the air. Charlie glanced up at that, and frowned slightly.

"What ya done to it, son?" I couldn't help but smile when Charlie called Edward son.

"I've broken three fingers. Hurts like hell, but its ok." Charlie nodded as Edward clearly displayed the right amount of male pride over his broken fingers, but then his attention drifted back towards the TV again.

"We've got some homework and stuff, and I'm really tired, so we're going…" _shit, I try never, ever, to use the phrase going to bed around Charlie now. _"We're going upstairs."

"Night Bells. Edward." Charlie didn't shift from his position watching the TV as he wished us goodnight, but I could see his shoulders tense slightly as he did. Suddenly he turned and looked straight at me, and his eyes softened. "Happy Birthday, baby girl. I still can't believe you're all grown up, you know."

I took a step towards him, and paused. I really wanted to hug my father, but I didn't want to make him uncomfortable. I suddenly felt a tiny push in the small of my back, and I took another step towards Charlie. I walked towards him, and he looked up at me in surprise as I leant down and put my arms round his neck.

"Thank you for everything, Dad. I love you," I mumbled into his shoulder.

"I love you too, Bells," he mumbled even more quietly than I had, but that didn't matter. Not wanting to make him feel any more uncomfortable I pulled away quickly, and turned to head upstairs.

Edward was standing watching us from the doorway; the broken look was back in his eyes, and I resolved to take him upstairs and take care of him for the rest of the evening. I walked to him and took his hand, before I led him up to our room.

He remained quiet as we went, until we reached the bedroom door, when he paused.

"I need a shower; I have cake in my hair." He pulled away from my hand gently, but firmly, as he took a step backwards, towards the bathroom.

"Do you want some company?" I asked with a smile. I honestly didn't have anything but the purest of intentions; I just didn't want to be away from him while he looked so desolate.

"Charlie's downstairs, Bella," was all he said in reply, and I felt strangely bereft as he closed the bathroom door a few seconds later.

_Ok, clearly Edward is far from alright about all of this. So what do I do?_

I quickly pulled on my pajamas and hopped into bed, it was only then that I spotted the pile of presents sitting on my bedside table, with a small piece of paper on top of them. I picked up the note, and saw it was from Esme.

**Bella,  
Please take care of him for us, you know as well as I do that he doesn't look good.  
I'm so sorry that we never got to give you your presents, please enjoy them.  
Don't let him do anything foolish.  
Esme**

I read the note through several times. Why did she think Edward would do something foolish? What kind of something foolish?

I opened the top drawer of my bedside table, and in one movement swept the pile of presents into it. I had to squash them down a little to get the drawer shut again, but the last thing I wanted was any reminder of tonight's party sitting there when Edward came back to me. I looked up and spotted that, at some point, Edward had put my birthday balloons in the corner of the room. I was very tempted for a minute to open the window and just let them go, but I didn't. They were from Edward, and I didn't want this evening's events to mar the rest of my birthday, which up until the whole nearly being eaten thing, had been the best I'd ever had.

A few minutes later I heard the bathroom door open, and a second later Edward was in the doorway in front of me, dressed only in a towel. I knew that things weren't good, when even Edward dripping wet and naked, save his towel, couldn't distract me from the look in his eyes. Wordlessly he walked towards me, and stopped beside the bed.

I pulled back the comforter, and got up in front of him on my knees on the mattress, pulling his towel from around his waist as I put my arms around him and leant my forehead on his chest.

"Get into bed, Edward," I whispered, afraid that my voice might betray my worry if I spoke any louder.

He didn't move, so a few moments later I took both his hands and dragged him into the bed beside me. He lay down stiffly on his side of the bed, and allowed me to wrap the comforter around his naked form. He seemed to be trying to avoid looking me in the eye, and after a few seconds of silence, I simply couldn't stand it.

I quickly slipped onto his chest, and leant my forehead against his, I thought making eye contact impossible to avoid. But Edward simply closed his eyes to me.

"I'm very tired Bella, Carlisle gave me some analgesics for my hand and I think they're making me sleepy." He tried to turn his face away from mine, and pushed me off of his chest at the same time.

I tried to understand how he was feeling, but I simply couldn't think of anything that would make me push him away, like he was doing to me tonight. A gnawing worry was eating away at my stomach, and I was desperate to get him talking to me. I _needed _him to talk to me.

"I haven't opened my presents yet." I couldn't think of anything else to make him open his eyes again, but as I had suspected, this worked.

"We left them there," he muttered, as his eyes met mine for the first time in what felt like decades.

_Why is it that a really shitty few hours, can seem to take millennia to pass?_

"Someone dropped them off; they're in my bedside table."

I sat up, opened the drawer, and pulled out the small pile of presents that had been waiting for me when I got home. Beside me Edward sat up too, and eyed the presents now sitting in my lap almost suspiciously. On top was the one I had begun to open quite so carelessly earlier, from Alice. I went to open it, but before my fingers reached the paper, Edward snatched it out from under my hands.

"I'm not sure I trust you with this Bella." I was relieved to see a spark of humor back in his eyes, as he began to unwrap my present for me. "Here you are, much safer this way." He handed me a small box, now entirely devoid of wrapping paper.

I opened it, and was slightly confused to find a compact pair of binoculars. "Huh?" I muttered, as I pulled out the card sitting underneath them in the box.

**You'll know when, Bella!  
Love, Alice**

**I don't **_**want**_** to know when, Bella!  
Jasper**

"Alice always gives presents like that. You'll know when the time comes what they're for, though Jasper's comment makes me a little concerned." Edward's expression twitched into a ghost of his crooked smile as he took the binoculars from my hands. "One year she bought me a single knitting needle, which bothered me for weeks. Then one day I broke Esme's favorite eighteenth century armchair, and I used the knitting needle to pin the pieces back together until I could have it repaired properly. Esme never noticed…" The smile was gone, replaced with a look of pure sadness as he looked at my gift.

I squeezed his hand, and he looked up at me again, the ghostly smile firmly back in place.

"Let's see what else you got." Edward moved to take the remaining two presents from my lap, but I stopped his hand, taking it in both of mine.

"Let's not, it doesn't matter tonight, baby. We'll worry about all this tomorrow, ok?" I didn't just mean the presents, and he knew it.

I moved the packages back to my bedside table, and lay down in the bed, firmly leading Edward to lie beside me. I rolled over, and switched off my bedside light, and then rolled back to face him.

We moved towards each other like gravity, and a moment later we were kissing passionately. He rolled over on top of me, still entirely nude, and kissed me forcefully, almost too fiercely, his mouth demanding more and more of me every moment.

We were both gasping as we kissed, and I could hardly catch my breath as Edward wouldn't leave my mouth for more than a second. The night was filled with the sounds of our lips working together, and as I shifted against him, I could feel his arousal pressed against my thigh.

As suddenly as he had begun to kiss me, he pulled away, breathing hard.

"I… I meant it when I said I was very tired Bella," he almost stuttered.

I kissed him softly on the lips for an instant, and then allowed him to roll away. I knew that there was no way he was going to be comfortable trying to go to sleep like that, but I wasn't going to question him.

"Of course. Let's get some sleep. Goodnight, Edward." I shuffled into my usual sleeping position snuggled into his chest, and I couldn't help but notice how his arms around me were tighter than they usually were.

"Goodnight, Bella." I felt his face against my hair for a moment, and I could have sworn that he _sniffed _me.

A few minutes later, I was pretending to be asleep, as Edward pretended the same. I tried to work out what was going on in his head, but nothing seemed to make sense. The only conclusion I could come to, was that he had been absolutely terrified this evening, and that he was trying to regain some control over himself. I had never known him to be so withdrawn from me.

Gradually, pretending to be asleep turned into actually falling asleep. Just before I drifted off, I felt Edward shift me softly to my other side, but I was too far gone to wonder why.

**Alice**

We had been running all night, and by the time the first streaks of light began to hit the sky, there was snow on the ground. We were still hours away from Denali, but I felt the distance from home was finally great enough that I could loosen my focus on Jazz and check on the rest of my family after last night's events.

Jasper felt terrible, and at the moment all I could see in his future was a great deal of moping about in Denali. I wished I could take away his guilt, so I tried to ease his burden by trying to get over my own. The events of last night had happened so fast, I hadn't had time to intervene before Jasper had attacked Edward and Bella. My vision came as he moved, though I knew almost instantly that he would not bite either of them, Jasper's determination to protect Edward had seen to that.

Emmett and Rosalie had followed us for a time, but had turned back as we reached the Washington state line, as we all agreed that Carlisle and Esme may need some support. The confrontation with the wolves was still fresh in all of our minds, and we could not leave our two weakest fighters alone and undefended right now, whatever the circumstances.

I continued to run as I opened my mind to my family, and I was immediately blindsided by a tumult of visions that left me reeling.

"That idiot," I muttered as I came to an immediate halt. An instant later Jasper was by my side, and I could feel the concern radiating off of him.

"Alice, what's the matter?" Jasper put his hand on my lower back, and I welcomed the soothing emotions he washed over me gently, his worry over my sudden change in mood evident.

"Edward… I have to go back, he's being stupid."

"Maybe we've interfered enough, Alice." I could feel his agitation, and I squinted at him questioningly for a second.

"I'm sorry Jazz, I'll miss you so much, but I have to go. He's going to ruin everything." It would be a physical pain to leave him now, when he needed me, but I could see no other choice.

"I can't come with you, not yet…" The worry he felt for me seeped into my heart, but I could see that for now it was groundless.

"I'll be fine Jazz, I can see it."

"The wolves…"

"…won't be an issue. I'll be back in a couple of days Jazzy, I just need to go and give Edward a kick in the butt." I kissed him firmly on the mouth, knowing that I would miss him beyond anything, before I pulled away and began to follow our trail back home again. "Say hi to Tanya for me!" I called over my shoulder as the gap between us widened, and my eyes lingered on his raised hand for as long as I could still see him.

As he vanished from sight a few moments later, I picked up speed, and headed for home. As I ran, I focused on my visions, as Edward vacillated in what to do next. I growled to myself as he finally made a decision.

This might get ugly.

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**A/N – Wow, so now I know how to get people to come out of the woodwork who've never reviewed before! Thank you for every comment, it makes my day to hear from you! You're not getting me into good habits though you know ;)**

**The overwhelming majority like Edward human, and, what can I say, so do I, maybe…**

**I actually dislocated my shoulder once when I was 19 falling off a roof (also alcohol could have been held partly responsible…), and it was the most pain I've ever been in, and I have 2 children with very large heads! **

**Next update - I am going on holiday on Monday 5****th**** April for Easter, I am going to try to update again before then, but if I don't there won't be another update before Sunday 11****th**** April.**

**Rec this week is as cute as a button, and I just love it.**

"**An introduction to Swirl and Daisy" by m11870 is an AH story, based on Bella and Edward's firsts, and before you get too excited it is T rated, which is unusual for me… lol It is a lovely little story that really cheered me up the other day. In my faves.**

**Til next time**

**Ria**


	25. A Foolish Consistency

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight!

Thank you to venomaddict for beta-ing this, even while dealing with a poorly little boy this week.

This chapter contains direct quotes from New Moon, by Stephenie Meyer. I have not italicized them, as I use those far too much already, but if you know the saga anything like as well as I do, you won't be able to miss them.

This story is also available on The Writer's Coffee Shop and Twilighted. This chapter will be the same on all three sites.

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**Alice**

As I raced for home, I focused on the future harder than I ever remembered doing before. I almost ran home on autopilot, following the route back via Jasper's scent, as I concentrated on watching Edward to the degree that it was almost like watching a soap opera unfold in front of me. I didn't notice as the snow covered ground cleared as I headed further south, nor did I notice as the sun rose in the sky, casting bright light across the mountains.

Another part of my mind maintained watch over Jazz as well, because there was no way I could not, but his arrival at Denali was not clouded at all so I knew that he was safe.

It looked as if Edward had spent the entire night awake as we had raced away from him, with endless plans and possibilities flying through his mind.

I saw him and Bella leaving Forks together, their destination uncertain, but a picture of somewhere warm and sunny shining through in his plans. These visions were equally matched by Edward planning to leave alone, leaving Bella behind, after breaking her heart and breaking his own along with it.

As I watched, his intentions seemed to flicker every few minutes, and I found I was almost becoming nauseous with the regularity they were changing in my mind, which is quite a feat for a vampire. Eventually I was forced to close my mind to him when his intentions finally became clear, as the dawn became morning.

I watched as Edward sent Bella to school alone, claiming he was in too much pain to concentrate. As I did, I growled in frustration that I had gotten so far away before I had opened my mind to him, as he continued to make plans that were foolhardy in the extreme.

_I didn't actually need to be psychic to know that this was going to send Edward over the edge, did I?_

Once I was certain that his next stop was going to be our house, to talk to Carlisle, I closed off my mind to his endless dithering, instead turning my focus back to Jasper for a while.

I watched my beautiful boy's arrival at Denali, and wondered for a minute where the stripe of mud on one arm had come from. He was always so careful about staying smart and gentlemanly, I felt a little aggrieved that I had missed whatever it was that had gotten him all dirty.

_Hmmmmm… A dirty Jasper. Yum._

It was eleven in the morning before I arrived back home again, despite the fact that I had virtually flown most of the way. As I had expected I could hear raised voices, and Edward's scent was impossible to miss from five miles away.

_NOT thinking about the fact that my brother smells pretty tasty these days…_

As I walked in the front door I was vaguely surprised to feel… vaguely surprised. I had been seeing constant visions of the argument currently in progress, but I hadn't taken Emmett's general unpredictability into account when envisioning potential problems.

"YOU are a DICK, Edward," boomed Emmett, as he glared at our rather unfortunate brother from his current predicament.

Everyone was gathered in the living room, much as they had been the previous evening, though by now all of my carefully arranged decorations were completely cleared away. Despite the enormous floor to ceiling windows the room was still very grey, reflecting the outdoors entirely, and also the collective mood of my family as the argument continued to boil in front of me.

Emmett was holding Edward by one ankle, upside down, over the coffee table. The hair on the top of his head, that was in its usual scruffy mess even despite his shorter haircut, was scratching the polished surface of the table softly, as Emmett waved Edward around remarkably gently for the fury that I could hear in his voice.

"I cannot believe that you were the one to get this deal, considering the fact that you're incapable of doing anything that isn't completely fucking emo, you sad little sack of crap!" Emmett shook Edward again slightly as he spoke, his eyes moving between Edward and Rosalie rapidly. "You don't deserve this!"

Rosalie was standing beside Emmett, her arms folded, and her face a picture of utter contempt as she glared at Edward's upside down scowl. Carlisle was trying to force Emmett to put Edward down, while Esme watched on in disbelief. I met her eyes as I walked through the front door, and she smiled at me in relief.

"Emmett, fucking PUT ME DOWN. I won't bounce if you drop me on my head now you know. Or maybe you want to be the next one to take a snap at me." Edward sounded furious, but his anger just didn't have the same effect whilst he was dangling upside down from Emmett's hand.

"Urgh, yuk dude. Get with the program, if I'm gonna break the rules, it'll be for a seriously tasty hot chick, _not you_. Gross, now I feel like I need to puke."

"Emmett, you might seriously hurt him, now put him down!" Carlisle was trying to reach around Emmett's back to help release Edward, but he was being restrained by Emmett's other mighty paw.

"If I do hurt him Carlisle, I can assure you that it will be entirely deliberate. At the moment I'm seriously thinking about dragging him around in the mud outside for a bit, until his brain switches back on again. He obviously needs some kind of wake up call. I'll find a bit of deer shit to bounce his head in too, maybe."

"Don't you…" Edward started.

"What are you going to do about it, you pussy?" Edward tried to kick Emmett with his other foot, but he missed and Emmett simply started to laugh.

"Emmett, this is not helping." Esme had moved to begin helping Carlisle, but even the two of them didn't have a hope against the vampire mountain.

Suddenly a vision came to me of Edward being knocked out cold by a rather too enthusiastic swipe at the coffee table by Emmett, so I decided to put him out of his misery.

"Emmett, Bella is going to be very displeased with you when you hurt Edward, you know." I hadn't seen that far ahead, but Bella had become a force to be reckoned with these days, so I knew I wouldn't be far off.

"Ohhhh, _Alice…_Do you know what this stupid little moron wants to do?" Emmett whined as he jiggled Edward around again for a moment. My vision of Edward being knocked out started to become even clearer in my mind.

"Barf on your shoes, if you don't put me down pretty sharpish, actually," Edward quipped, and Emmett stretched his arm a little further away from himself quickly. He was not a fan of vomit in any form, especially human.

"Yes Emmett, I know exactly what Edward's plans are, why else do you think I'm here, and not looking after Jazz like I should be right now, hmmm?" I glared at Edward as I spoke, and almost wished I hadn't, as the blood currently pooling in his head was rather mouthwatering.

Suddenly Emmett swung his arm around, bringing Edward really too quickly to above the couch, before he dropped him in a heap. Edward bounced on the couch once, before bouncing off again and landing on the floor with a thud and a groan.

"I'm fed up with landing on this floor," he growled, as Emmett smirked at Rosalie in amusement.

"You deserved it," Rosalie snipped, and a flicker passed through my mind of her stepping forward and kicking him, before it passed just as quickly.

"This is my decision Rosalie. I have done you the same courtesy, when you needed me to move on, and I've lost track of how many times I've done it for Emmett. Now it's my turn for you to do something for me." Edward stood up awkwardly and brushed his hands over his jeans. I had to restrain a small giggle at quite how disheveled he looked, his hair now completely on end, and his face a rather alluring shade of puce.

"What, so you can wander off all emo and tragic, leaving Bella here all alone? Are you fucking kidding me?" Rosalie stepped forward, and the vision of her kicking Edward came back to me, just as her foot very gently connected with his shin.

"SHIT!" He yelled, and began to hop around the room clutching his leg to himself. "What the _fuck_ Rosalie? What is this, whale on the human day or something?"

_Ok, very gently FOR A VAMPIRE._

"I do not appreciate the constant use of the f-word under my roof, where did you all pick up such a vile habit from anyway?" Esme sputtered as she smacked Emmett up the back of the head.

"_Ow!_ Edward started it."

"I know," Esme replied as she also smacked Edward, far more gently than she had Emmett.

"Hey, human now Esme!" Edward rubbed the back of his head furiously as he glared at Esme reproachfully, while still clutching the leg Rosalie had just kicked.

"_ENOUGH_!" Carlisle suddenly roared, the tenor of his voice something he used rarely, and only when he wanted to assert his authority as the leader of our coven. Which, thinking about it, is something that I don't think he had done since some time in the eighties, when Emmett was going through his Milli Vanilli phase.

"Family meeting. NOW!" he growled, before he turned and stalked towards the dining room, his anger evident in his expression.

We all filed in obediently behind him, Carlisle had the patience of a saint, but once he was fully riled he was not someone to be trifled with. We took our usual seats quickly, and I couldn't help but feel a little alone with an empty chair on my right side, where my beautiful boy should have been.

Carlisle took the head of the table as usual, with Edward to his right, and Esme his left. I sat beside Edward, opposite Emmett and Rosalie. Once we were all seated, we turned to Carlisle expectantly, I could see flickers of what he wanted to say in my mind, but his indecisiveness was surprising me. I tried to stop looking, and follow the conversation as it happened at the table, as Edward was entirely resolved in his decision, and his plans were what worried me most. Finally, Carlisle began.

"As you already know, I have been considering what would be the best for our family for several days. I have talked to all of you, and I know you all share my concerns about our safety now in Forks, since our disagreement with the Quileute." Carlisle shuffled in his seat slightly, and I could sense his indecision still hanging over the table.

There were several nods and murmurs of agreement as Carlisle spoke about the Quileute, and I looked to Edward beside me to see him look down, almost as if he was ashamed.

"Emmett and Jasper have been running patrols of the boundaries of our land since then, and it is clear that the wolves are doing the same. There is a feeling, not of war, but of definite hostility in the air, and unfortunately I'm not sure what it's going to take to clear that.

"Additionally, I begin to feel that maybe Bella and Edward's welfare would be better served by us not living in quite such close proximity. It is undoubtedly true that we pose both of them a risk, however significant or not that may be." He raised a hand to me in a gesture of calm, as I prepared to protest on Jasper's behalf. Although the incident at Bella's party had been unfortunate, he had ultimately maintained his control, not biting even under the most difficult of circumstances.

"Carlisle, what are you saying?" Emmett asked, though I was sure that he knew where this was going as well as the rest of us.

"Although it is a little early, I am suggesting that maybe it is time for us to move on. Forks is not proving to be as ideal a location as it first appeared, and maybe it would be better to move of our own volition, rather than be forced out by the locals.

"The house in New Hampshire is ready, I have actually found a job that has become vacant suddenly, and it is September, so starting High School now would be appropriate."

"Oh for goodness sake, _not again_!" Rosalie wailed, her hands coming up to her face as she grimaced in distress. "I think I am going to lose my mind if I have to start High School again quite so soon!"

Carlisle simply glared at Rose for a moment, and she quickly shut up, seeing the furious glint in his eyes. I didn't blame her.

"I think this is what's best for our family right now, though of course we can vote on the matter if any of you wish to disagree with me," he continued, glancing in Rosalie's direction again. "I think that if we were to make this decision though, it would be best to go as soon as possible. Maybe some of you should even follow Jasper up to Denali for a few days, while Esme and I sort out the final arrangements here."

"How's this going to work with Edward's stupid idea though? Surely if we're going for his and Bella's sake, him coming with us will pretty much defeat the purpose, won't it?" Emmett glared at Edward as he spoke, and I could hear Edward's heart rate begin to race under his eyes.

"Yes Edward, why don't you reveal the master plan? I'm sure it's just _brilliant_!" Rosalie said snidely, her lips wrinkled in disgust as she spoke.

"I may be physically human now, Emmett, but I've been a vampire for longer than you. Do you think it's easy to just go back to living a human life again?" Edward said, and though he was trying to sound forceful, I don't think any of us missed the slight tremor in his voice.

"Eddie-boy, you still smell like lunch to me, so that doesn't exactly make us ideal housemates." Emmett smirked as he spoke, but I knew that beneath all the bluster and fury, he was genuinely concerned for both Edward and Bella. The way he shows it may sometimes leave a little to be desired, but Emmett's heart is well and truly in the right place.

"Edward has no intention of coming with us," I said softly, as everyone turned to me with varying looks of surprise. "He simply wants to make sure we're all away from Bella, don't you dear brother?" Edward glared at me for a moment, before nodding slowly.

"So, he's _not_ leaving Bella?" Emmett sounded so hopeful as he looked across the table at me; I hated to be the one to tell him the truth.

"Oh yes he is, he just plans to wander around on his own, feeling all 'woe is me' for a while, rather than come with us." I glared at Edward again, and suddenly had the urge to kick him myself. I tapped his leg under the table with my shoe, and he grunted with pain.

_Good._

"That is not quite my intention, Alice," he muttered as he leant down to rub furiously at where I'd just kicked him.

"Then why don't you illuminate us, Edward," I replied, wanting to hear him say it himself, rather than continue to go on the jumble of plans I had seen in my visions.

"I plan to… to seek atonement. I hope that if I can lead a good life, I can atone for some of what I did before. I don't deserve this life I've been given - you're right Emmett, I don't." He raised his hand to Esme, as she seemed to be about to interrupt.

"I have realized that my life is too caught up in the supernatural already for me to be able to extricate myself from it. If I stay here, even with you all gone, the wolves are still watching me; you must know that they are, Emmett. I have heard them in my mind several times, near Bella's house, checking up on me. If one of them was to lose control around her… I can't even think about what could happen.

"Plus, who knows what other nomads may be attracted to the area by me? My name is known by others of our kind, who knows what might happen if any of them hear about this. I can't risk her like that. I can't protect her. It would be better for Bella's welfare, if I were to just leave." He looked down into his lap as he spoke, and I could still see shame in his expression.

"What a complete, CROCK OF SHIT!" Emmett suddenly bellowed, and I saw a flicker of Edward being dragged around the forest by his ankle for a moment.

"Emmett, this is Edward's decision to make," Carlisle said, but nothing like as forcefully as he had spoken earlier.

"Are you kidding me Carlisle? Edward, you are without a doubt the most pathetic little pussy I have ever met. Let me get this straight, Bella would be safer without you, yes?" Edward nodded, but without meeting Emmett's eyes as he glared at him.

"I believe so."

"But, if you go, the wolves are still here, the nomads may still come, have you smelt your little girlfriend recently? She smells so good; if I'm hungry I catch _myself_ thinking about what she'd taste like. _Hey!_" Rosalie suddenly slapped Emmett around the back of the head sharply.

"_Don't _Emmett," she spat, a look of pure fury crossing her features.

"You know it's true, Rosie. First time Bella comes across another vampire, she's lunch." Emmett shrugged as he continued to rub the back of his head, and his justification had a whiney quality to it that made him sound like a child.

"THEN WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE _ME_ DO ABOUT IT, EMMETT?" Edward suddenly yelled. He stood quickly, and his chair shot backwards and tumbled to the floor as he slammed his fist down on the table. "You're right, Bella attracts trouble at every turn, and _I can't save her anymore_. Do you have any idea what that very thought is _doing_ to me?"

"Is that what this is about?" I asked softly, all of Edward's indecision suddenly making more sense to me. "Are you afraid?"

"I'm not talking about this anymore!" Edward shoved himself back from the table, and rocked on his heels for a second. He walked a couple of footsteps away, before he turned back to us all, with a determined expression on his face. "I have already explained to Carlisle; I want us to move on. Now. As soon as possible. Today if we can manage it. I _will _be coming with you, though what I choose to do afterwards is none of your concern."

Edward spun on his heel and stormed out of the room, and I heard a crash as he slammed the front door behind him as he left the house. We sat as still as statues for several seconds, an eternity to a vampire, in stunned silence; we all knew that Edward's logic was flawed, but at the same time, it was very difficult to entirely damn him when we all had some sympathy with his feelings.

"We can't seriously allow Edward to go through with this Carlisle; it's going to be a disaster!" I moaned, at vampire speed. I could see that I had about a minute until Edward pulled himself together and drove away, and I intended on being in his car before he did so.

"As I said, this is his decision to make. It's between the two of them now, Alice," Carlisle replied as quickly as I had spoken, clearly understanding that I had somewhere to go.

"We are his family Carlisle-" I began, but Carlisle cut me off.

"He's a grown up, Alice, he's over a hundred years old for heaven's sake. I cannot dictate to him how he behaves in his private life."

"Surely you can see that right now that isn't the case. He's behaving like an idiotic child!" I snarled; I couldn't believe that Carlisle was going to allow this to happen.

"Be that as it may, I cannot intervene. It is between Edward and Bella."

"Screw that!" Emmett suddenly leapt to his feet. "I'm going to tell Bella, this is ridiculous."

"NO, you are not Emmett!" Carlisle rumbled, his voice dangerously close to taking on the commanding tenor he so rarely used again. "This is not your business, and you will not interfere. That goes for everybody."

"Why, Carlisle?" Esme suddenly said gently, I could hear the sadness in her voice, so I had no doubt that he would be able to also. "Why allow Edward to hurt himself like this? You know that it's the wrong decision."

"Do I? Esme, you know as well as I do that Edward has never done anything without thinking it through in his life. He is adamant that this is the right thing to do, and though I wish I could intervene, I feel that I cannot."

I sat back and watched the visions flood my mind for an instant. I saw Edward wandering the planet alone, unable to live without Bella, and I saw her waiting for him, an empty shell of her former self. As I watched the visions clouded, until I could barely see them, until they firmed up again, different, but the same. Cloudiness like this was usually due to decision yet to be made, and I only hoped that I would be able to influence that somehow.

"Then I'm outta here. I'm not staying here to see this shit go down. If Edward wants to be an emo little bastard, that's his business, but I'm not going to sit on the sidelines and watch. Coming baby?" Emmett stood, and Rosalie followed him as he stepped away from the table. "We're going to catch up with Jasper for a bit. You coming, short stuff?" He glanced towards me, and as our eyes met I could see how deeply affected Emmett was by what was transpiring. He loved both Edward and Bella dearly, and I knew that he already regretted what he saw as the loss of part of his family.

"No, I'm not done with Edward yet. Tell Jazzy that I won't be long though." I stood; my minute was nearly up.

"Alice, I ask you to do as Edward requests. This is between him and Bella now." A small smile crept across Carlisle's face, and I narrowed my eyes.

I couldn't see how Bella was going to react to Edward's ridiculous plans, as she hadn't had the opportunity to make any decisions yet, but the look on Carlisle's face made me suspect that he had an idea of how she would. Centuries of working with humans had left him very perceptive, and he could often predict their behavior better than I could.

I nodded imperceptibly, and flitted out of the house, towards Edward's car. As I did he started the engine, and began to pull away. I entered the passenger seat just as the car began to move.

"Oh!" he exclaimed, as he slammed his foot on the brake pedal. "Christ, human reactions now, Alice."

Just as he said my name, there was a squealing noise, and we looked round, to see Emmett sauntering away from the car.

"I just thought I'd leave you a little something, to remind you of me, til we get to New Hampshire." Emmett called out in a singsong voice, as he and Rosalie vanished into the forest. I could see that they were planning to hunt, before they started on the trip North.

Edward leapt out of the car, and walked around to the back where Emmett had left his little memento.

"Emmett!" he suddenly shrieked, and I couldn't help but hop out of the car, and run around to see what he had done. Emmett hadn't given me any time to see what he was planning, so I gave a surprised giggle when I saw what had upset Edward so much.

"I'm sure it will press right out again," I mumbled, as I tried to suppress my giggles. Emmett had drawn a diagram on the trunk of Edward's brand new BMW, by pressing his finger into the metal. The picture was one that was familiar to anyone who had spent any time in a High School bathroom, a crude depiction of the male form, which added nothing good to the BMW.

"Doesn't matter," Edward mumbled quietly, after a few seconds pause. He shrugged slightly as he continued to gaze downwards, and that was when I knew that this was really bad. He turned and walked slowly back to the driver's seat, and as I watched him move suddenly all of my visions didn't matter, nor did my determination to make him see sense. My brother was breaking in front of my very eyes.

Despite watching him make his way back to his seat, I was still back in the car before his butt hit the leather. He showed no surprise this time, as he started the car and pulled away from the house almost resignedly.

We drove in silence for a few minutes. I worked hard to keep my thoughts to a minimum, as I realized that berating Edward now was not going to have the desired effect. He was in no state for anything but my support and care.

I had known that something like this had been coming for a while. Flickers and images had been coming to me of Edward and Bella apart for months, but nothing concrete had ever shown itself. I had hoped that maybe they had been symptoms of typical relationship ups and downs, minor arguments maybe, passing urges to experiment or try something different. Maybe I should have known better, there was never any sign of anything but completely reciprocated adoration between them, nothing that should have made either of them even consider wanting to be apart.

Now it had all fallen into place in my mind. Edward had never felt as if he deserved Bella, he had already told me that he knew he didn't belong with her before. I had hoped that his new transformation had dismissed such thoughts, but maybe in fact they had just changed the way he looked at them.

I wondered if there was anything I would be able to say to stop his current path, which had solidified in my mind to the point I could almost reach out and touch it, or if the destruction he wanted to wreak was now inevitable.

"I'm struggling to block your thoughts right now, Alice," his voice suddenly cut through the bleak silence that hung over us. He sounded fragile, like glass almost, as if he could shatter if I breathed on him too hard. "Can you please, just, think about something else for a minute?"

I closed my eyes and leant back into the soft leather of my seat, and focused on a piece of music that I had heard coming from Edward's room and cd player very often. I was hoping to relax him, but too late I both heard and felt him wince beside me.

"Anything but that, Alice," he croaked, and I switched quickly from Clair de Lune, to Chopin. He seemed to relax a little at that, and a few moments later we pulled off into a car park beside a diner.

"You're not going to try and make me eat again are you, Edward?" I smiled softly as I tried to lighten the atmosphere in the car. I could sense that kid gloves were required with him right now.

"I need a coffee," he said, looking towards me for the first time since we were at the house. "I'm shattered, if I don't get some caffeine soon, I'm going to crash out."

"Ok." I nodded, and we both climbed out of the car.

I linked arms with him as we walked towards the door of the diner. I could feel him leaning on me gently, and I could sense his exhaustion. I knew that he hadn't slept the previous night, and I couldn't help but feel that if only he had slept a little, things might not look quite so desolate to him right then.

We entered, and as I looked around I was struck by how busy it was. I glanced at my watch, and was surprised to see that it was lunchtime already. The diner was dimly lit, and considering that it was bright daylight outside, it still seemed dark inside. There was a square bar in the middle of the room, and red leatherette booths lined the walls down both sides of the room. Smaller tables were lined up in front of us, each covered in red checked tablecloths, with a small vase in the middle.

The floor seemed slightly sticky, and I wrinkled my nose at the faintly unclean smell in the air, though I wasn't sure if that was the establishment or the patrons to be honest. Most of the other customers were truckers from the logging industry that thrived in the area, and many of them seemed to need a bath.

Edward had stopped beside me, and when I glanced at him he appeared to be trying to decide where to sit. In no mood to sit too close to anyone else in here, I dragged him to the far left of the room, into one of the empty booths. The smell was better there, but only very marginally.

Before I could say a word, a waitress appeared before us.

"Howdy, folks! What can I get you two today then? Pie of the day is Blueberry, and if you've not tried it before, the Burger Royale is our top seller." She winked at Edward, to whom all of this had been addressed, but her flirting was utterly lost on him today, as he gazed forlornly over her left shoulder.

"Just a coffee please, black," he said, and then he glanced to me.

"I'll have a slice of Blueberry pie please," I gushed, trying to compensate for Edward's distinct lack of effort with the poor girl. "And another coffee, black."

"Nothing else for you, honey?" she directed towards Edward, and when he flinched as she leant over him, I wondered what else she was offering him mentally.

"No. That's all. Thanks," he growled, and the waitress stood up suddenly and took a step back. Edward's eyes were fierce, and I could see that he was channeling his inner vampire.

"Ok, I'll… um, be back." She moved away quickly, her effort to sound bright, only making her suddenly nervous disposition seem all the more unusual.

I waited until she was gone, before I leant forward and whispered towards Edward.

"So, why couldn't you do that with Jessica Stanley?" He picked up a fork from the table, and began to twirl it in his fingers as he watched me carefully. He shrugged after a few seconds, darting his eyes away from mine, as the door to the café opened again.

"Maybe we should just get this over with Alice," he muttered, as he looked back down to the fork in his hands.

I watched him for a few seconds, as I tried to decide in my mind what to say to him. I couldn't see how he was going to react to our conversation, and I was incredibly frustrated to feel almost blind to my future for the next few minutes. I could nearly always see how Edward was going to react to anything, as soon as I had decided on how to proceed, but today I was drawing a blank. I wondered if it was because he was human now, or if it was purely being caused by his mental state. Finally I gave in, and decided that I would simply have to play this one blind.

"Why are you so determined to destroy your own happiness, Edward? Why? I might not be holding you upside down right now, but I feel just as strongly as Emmett does about all of this." As I spoke he started twirling the fork again, his eyes never leaving it.

"I have to do what's right for Bella. I had managed to convince myself that maybe now…" He trailed off. I waited for him to continue, but even after a couple of minutes I still couldn't see him doing so.

"How is you leaving, doing what's right for Bella? Can't you see how happy she is? Edward, the girl is floating every time I see her with you. The sun rises and sets on you for her." I could hear his heart rate increasing as I spoke, and I could smell saltiness coming from him as he broke into a sweat.

But he still didn't reply.

"Just, tell me why, please. I need to understand what you're trying to do here, none of us understand _why, _Edward!" I was trying to keep my voice level as I spoke, but I could feel myself wanting to shout at him, to scream at him and shake him, just to try and get some kind of reply.

"Why? _Why?_" he suddenly hissed at me, looking up and catching my eye, completely taking me by surprise. I was finding this conversation quite vexing, not being able to see it play out as I went, and it was distracting me from the kid glove approach I had been planning on taking.

"Yes. _Why _Edward, because from what I can see, this is just stupidity."

"Were you not there last night, Alice? But for one tiny thing, if I had been a mere foot or two away from her, Bella could be dead right now. Or worse." His lips tightened significantly, and I knew he meant that she could be changing.

"But she's not."

"She _could be,_ Alice. All because of me. I called her a danger magnet, but that's not true – I'm the danger magnet! James, the wolves, Jasper, all attracted to her because of me. I am an albatross around her neck, and I will not allow my presence in her life to destroy it!" I was beginning to wonder if our having this conversation in a public place was such a great idea, as Edward's volume began to increase significantly.

"You would rather she was destroyed by your absence instead? As that's what's going to happen, you know. I don't need to be psychic to see that. The way you two are together, she won't survive you going, let alone if it's for her own sake, she'll just blame herself. Please think about this some more Edward, don't rush into anything." I could hear the desperation in my own voice as I pleaded with him. The future was not changing as we spoke; the cloudiness I hoped for wasn't even making an appearance.

"Bella is a strong and wonderful person, and she's young. I will do everything in my power to allow her to make a clean break, she'll get over it. She will get to live a _normal life._" As Edward spoke I suddenly heard our waitress asking someone behind the bar if she ought to bring us our order or not, she could obviously see how intense our conversation was becoming.

A few seconds later she began to make her way towards us, and I sat back in my seat, and tried to smile. It was a struggle. Edward followed my line of sight, and also remained silent as the waitress came into view.

"Here you go folks," she said cheerfully as she put our coffees and my pie down on the table in front of us. "Can I get you anything else?" Her cheerful tone didn't match her slightly nervous expression, and she seemed relieved when I shook my head softly, and she turned away.

The plate rattled on the table as I gently slid the piece of pie across it towards Edward, the fork still in his hand.

"Here, I think you need to have something to eat." He began to shake his head, but I reached across the table and took his hand in mine. "Please, big brother. Eat something, and then talk to me."

He took a deep breath, and then looked at me despairingly. Finally he snatched the pie up, and began to fork great lumps of it into his mouth, shoveling it in as quickly as he could.

He destroyed the pie in front of him, eating, not with gusto, but something more like disgust as he forced it down, purely to appease me, no doubt. Within a couple of minutes most of the pie was gone, only a few broken pieces remained on the plate. I almost felt sorry for it. Even I had been able to see how pretty it was, and how much effort someone had made on it, only to be eaten as if it was offensive.

"Well that seemed a little unnecessary," I muttered darkly, as he hurled the fork down on the plate, clearly indicating that he was finished.

"I've eaten it. I did as you asked." He folded his arms as he spoke, and I couldn't help but sigh.

"Thank you. Ok Edward, I'm listening to you, talk to me."

"I don't know what you want me to say, Alice." He ran both of his hands through his disheveled hair in an agitated manner, and I could feel the vibration of his foot bouncing underneath the table. His eyes were wild when they met mine, and I could almost feel the pain radiating off of him.

"Do you want me to tell you that leaving her is going to kill me, as I know that is probably the truth? Do you want to know what I'm going to say to her to make her let me go? Because that is going to be the hardest thing I'm ever going to do in my life. But I'm going to do it, because the sun rises and sets on _her _for _me._ I can't risk her, you know I already consider her to be my wife, and that means I have to put her first." I could smell salt again as he explained his feelings to me, though this time I knew it was his unshed tears. "She is my responsibility; I have to do what's best for her. I can't be selfish when it comes to her welfare."

"How can you honestly believe that you leaving is what's best though? You must be able to see what you'll do to her." I tried to remain calm, I could see that getting upset wasn't going to help; Edward was struggling to hold it together as it was.

"She has gone through so much since we met; it is the only option, the only thing I can think of to keep her safe. She's human Alice, she'll get over it. As Carlisle keeps saying, the human mind is a wonderful thing." He smiled at me sardonically, but nothing of it reached his eyes.

"So are you, you're human too. Will you 'get over it' so easily?"

"Am I really? I'm not even certain anymore. I was a vampire for so long, I fell in love with her as a vampire, I don't know if my emotions are truly human." He looked so convinced of his argument, I realised that this train of thought wasn't going to get us anywhere. Despite everything, Edward still didn't think of himself as Bella's equal, somehow he still viewed himself as not as human as she was.

"Why are you so ashamed though? I know you are, don't deny it." For the first time in our whole conversation I saw something in my mind, his denial of what I knew to be true.

He hesitated for a moment, and I watched in my mind as I saw flickers of what he considered saying. This was the first time he had really thought about anything since we entered the diner, and I was interested to see the way his mind was trying to explain what he was planning to do. Finally I heard his heart rate increase, and at the same time I saw him decide what to say.

"I am ashamed, because I have taken so much from her. I made Bella promises, some silent, some not, many the night we made love for the first time. I consider her to be my wife already, and yet I am going back on what I promised her." He cast his eyes down again as he spoke, and though I sensed that this was still not everything, he did not continue.

The predator in me told me that there was more; I could smell his fear, and I decided to press him.

"What are you so afraid of, Edward?"

"I'm not afraid," he replied, but even I could tell that he was lying.

I held his gaze, but he did not change his stance. Despair was beginning to overtake me, and I willed myself to get a grip on my emotions. Part of me longed for Jasper, this was the hardest thing I had been forced to do without him in the best part of a century.

"Then _don't go._"

"I have no choice, Alice. I will go with you all to Denali, just until I work out what to do next, then I shall move on, alone. If nothing else, it seems an unfair burden to place on Jasper to have me in the house." A flash of annoyance suddenly burned through me; my boy was doing _so well._

"Jasper didn't bite you yesterday, despite some very difficult circumstances! I wish you would give him a little credit!" I growled at him, as I battled to bring my temper back under control.

"No, I mean, due to my mood. I knew that he would never attack me; his thoughts were full of the need to protect me last night. Bella on the other hand…"

"You yourself know how good she smells, Edward…"

_You smell pretty good too these days…_

"Er, still struggling to block your thoughts today, Alice." Edward suddenly shifted in his seat, and looked almost alarmed.

"Oh… well, it's true. You're human now. You don't belong with us anymore. You belong here, _with Bella._ Please don't do this, I'm begging you. Please don't do this." I could hear the desperation in my own voice, and I put my head in my hands and looked down at the table and watched the visions shuffle softly in my mind, willing there to be something to give me a little hope.

Finally desperation gave way to resignation. He was still going. Nothing I could say would change that. All I had managed to do was make him all the more determined. Now, instead of taking a day or two to try and clear himself from Bella's life, he was going now. He didn't even intend to tell her goodbye.

I watched visions playing out of Bella almost losing her mind searching for him, searching for all of us, and I had to block my mind quickly, as the anguish she was feeling almost tore me apart.

"No. No, you cannot do that to her. Tell me you saw that, Edward, as I'm not sure I can see it again." My breath hitched once as I spoke and my shoulders trembled; I knew that if I could cry, tears would be falling by now.

_I'm going to lose my best friend._

"I saw. No, I won't do that to her. But I have to go today. If I don't…" He stopped speaking for a moment, and I could hear him trying to get his breathing under control. His eyes were closed when he continued a few moments later. "If I don't go today, I don't know what I'll do. The thought of saying goodbye is… it's destroying me, Alice. Please understand, or if you can't understand, just support me. I need someone on _my _side. Please" There was such anxiety in his expression that I couldn't turn him down.

"I'm always on your side, Edward. I'm just not convinced that you are yourself right now, is all." I paused and our eyes met; I winced at the emptiness in his. How I longed to find the words to change his mind, but I knew now that they were not in my possession. They never had been.

"If it's really what you want from me, I'll go on ahead to Denali. Jazz will be worrying by now anyway." I opened my mind to my beautiful boy, and I knew that he would be coming back for me soon if he didn't hear that I was on my way. "What are you doing now?"

"I have to see Carlisle," he mumbled, his voice returning to the detached tone that it had held while we were back at the house earlier.

"Of course." I stood up, and I was unable to stop watching the vision of Edward and Bella, talking in the forest later this afternoon. "I'll see you in a few days."

"Goodbye Alice." I walked away from him without looking back. He didn't move from the booth we had been sitting in, and I could see him in my mind staring at that same cup of coffee for some time yet.

As I saw that though, I couldn't escape the fact that I couldn't see Edward ever arriving at Denali.

**Bella**

I walked through school in a slight daze all day, both Alice and Edward's absence more a presence to me than anyone else who was actually there. I ate lunch silently and brooded, something that had always been more Edward's remit than mine.

But, try as I might, I simply couldn't find any way that I could reconcile myself to keeping the Cullens in our lives.

Edward had been in too much discomfort this morning to come into school, and I had left him in bed with a glass of orange juice and a couple of painkillers. I didn't really know much about dislocating joints, but he had been in so much pain the night before, I could imagine that they weren't fun. Add that to his broken fingers, I couldn't say I really blamed him for wanting to take a day or two out from school. I made a call to Carlisle first thing, and asked him to call the school to tell them that Edward was off sick, which he agreed to do. He also seemed to agree that Edward might need a day or two at home.

_I guess he did get attacked by a vampire…_

The same argument had not swung for me though, and Edward had insisted that I should go to school, as I was uninjured. I couldn't believe I was about to miss out on a whole day in bed with him, and had begun a rather amateurish attempt to claim psychological damage from the night before, but he hadn't bought it.

_So here I am, eating lunch, without Edward._

Most of my day had been spent doing things, _without Edward. _I couldn't wait to get back home to him. He had seemed so distant last night and this morning, part of me was worried. I knew how afraid he had to be now, unable to defend himself against attack; I couldn't begin to imagine how difficult that must be after eighty-seven years as a vampire.

_It must be like spending your whole life as a lion, then waking up one day suddenly as a zebra. Once you know the lions are there, must be a bit tricky to enjoy drinking at that waterhole…_

_Ok, completely did that analogy to death._

_I miss Edward._

"… Bella?" Jessica was waving her hand in front of my eyes, and grinned at me when I finally looked at her. "Earth to Bella, enjoying your little nap?"

We had taken to eating back at my old table, with Jessica and Mike and the rest of them, the day after she had apologized to me for everything. She was still a long way from being my favorite person right now, but it was nice to be able to sit with Angela and Ben without making them choose between us.

"Yeah, just thinking I guess," I mumbled, as her grin widened, a little unnaturally.

"Daydreaming about Edward I'm sure, how sweet." Jessica's smile seemed to lose some of its sincerity as she spoke, but I decided to give her points for effort.

"Something like that, Jess. What's up?"

"I was just asking if you had a nice birthday. Did you get anything good?" It wasn't until yesterday afternoon that news had leaked of my birthday, so no one had had the chance to ask me about this yet. I decided to play it safe, and not reveal the fact that Edward had in fact given me a car, and I went for the cheapest present he had given me.

"Well, Edward gave me this pendant." I lifted it up from my neck with my index finger, the crystal fitting between my collarbones so perfectly it felt like part of me already.

"Holy _crap!_" Jessica virtually screamed at me, as she leant across the table and touched it with her own forefinger. "That's got to be four or five carats, easy. Is that a platinum chain as well? _Jesus!_"

"What?" I squeaked, as I sat back in my chair enough that her hand fell away from my neck.

"That diamond - it's huge. Christ, what I wouldn't do for a rich boyfriend. You're a bit brave wearing it in to school though, I don't think I'd be able to stop touching it for a second, just making sure it was still there.

Edward had not made any comment about what this pendant actually was, but I had assumed it to be crystal. As Jessica's words sunk in, it occurred to me how very like Edward it would be to give me something ridiculously valuable, only to allow me to believe it was just a trinket.

_But he did tell you it was priceless, it belonged to his Mother._

"It's… a family heirloom. I don't know if it's valuable or not, but it's very important to Edward. It belonged to his birth Mom."

Jessica nodded as if she understood, and I couldn't help but finger the diamond at my throat for the rest of lunch, as I contemplated why Edward had given it to me. What does a secret diamond mean to anybody, after all?

*****

I drove home after school, and I found myself becoming nervous, though I couldn't quite put my finger on why. I had missed Edward all day, but now for some reason I was worried about seeing him.

He had been so upset by last night's events that he had been far from his usual self ever since, distant and almost… cold. I hadn't wanted to leave him this morning, but he had virtually forced me out the door, insisting that I should go to school as I was well enough.

I couldn't help feeling that my initial reaction to stay had been the right one.

I drove home a little faster than was usual for me, Edward's Volvo was far faster than my old truck had been (I still couldn't get used to thinking of it as _my _Volvo). I felt the urge to get home fiercely though, and I hoped that if I had the bad luck to get pulled over for speeding, Charlie's influence might help me, just this once.

I was home quickly, and as I climbed out of the car I resolved not to speed again. The penalty of being brought up a cops daughter, I felt the guilt of even something so every day as speeding far too strongly.

The first thing I saw when I arrived was that Edward's BMW was missing. I glanced up and down the street quickly, wondering if maybe he had parked further up the road for some reason, but there was no sign of it anywhere.

_Where on earth could he be?_

I walked towards the front door, planning to call him on his cell as soon as I got into the house, and as I did I pulled my coat around myself a little tighter. There was a strong chill in the air that hadn't been there just a few days ago, and once again I mourned the passing of summer. I glanced up at the grey, cloud filled sky, and for a moment wondered what it would be like to live in Florida, and to get to see the sun on a daily basis.

_Heaven._

While I was looking up I heard the front door latch click, and I looked down again to find Edward standing in the doorway looking at me. He was expressionless as he stepped forward, and something stopped me before I went to reach out for him.

"Come for a walk with me," he said in a dull voice, as he reached out and took my hand.

He began to lead me towards the tree-line close to the house, but my mind struggled to find a reason not to go with him. I knew something was very wrong, and that this was a conversation that I did not want to have.

He led me into the trees and into a small clearing, with a fallen down tree in the middle of it. He dropped my hand, and took a step or two back, until he was leaning on a tree behind him. He stared at me silently for a few seconds, and the tension in the air only grew thicker. His expression was blank, and his eyes were unreadable.

_Not good at all._

"Ok, so, let's talk." I tried to smile, but I wasn't sure if it made it all the way to my mouth. I could feel my stomach flip flopping around inside me, and part of me wondered if I was going to be sick.

He took a deep breath, and his eyes flicked away from mine for a second, before he looked at me again.

"Bella, my family is leaving."

Ok, we could deal with this. I knew that he had to be devastated, but one way or another we needed some space from the rest of the Cullens, for now. For them to be the ones to leave was definitely the easiest way for us, at least we would get to finish our senior year here in Forks.

"I'm sorry, Edward, I know you must feel awful, but I think it really might be for the best. There's always the phone, and email…" I trailed off, his expression was unchanging, but he radiated sorrow.

"The situation with the wolves is really untenable, and Carlisle is claiming to be thirty-three now, when he can barely pass for thirty. It is time for us to move on." For a second I wondered why he hadn't replied to what I had said about how we could keep in touch; then I really heard what he had just said.

"Us…? When you say your family is leaving…" I whispered.

"I include myself… We're leaving immediately," he stated slowly, his eyes never leaving mine.

_No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!_

A strong roll of nausea hit me, and for a moment I really thought that I might throw up.

_He's leaving? HE'S LEAVING?_

"I don't understand," I said, which were the only words that made any sense to me just then, ironically enough.

"My family can't stay here, Bella, they're no good for you… I'm no good for you."

"Don't be ridiculous," I growled, and I was surprised by the anger in my voice. "If they're no good for me, how can they be any better for you?"

"Their world is my world. A month made of flesh can't take away eighty-seven years of being a vampire, I am still who I was, and I belong in their world, not yours." His voice was hard and cold, and he was looking at me almost as if he hated me.

"Of course you belong in my world, you are my world!" I was frustrated to hear the desperation in my voice, but how could I avoid it? I had never felt so desperate in my life.

"I very clearly do not," he replied.

I could feel myself gasping for breath as I tried to regain control of my senses. The cold and distant look in his eyes as he spoke to me was not my Edward, and I suddenly found myself wondering if there really was a _my Edward _anymore. I could feel a sob building up in my throat, but I held it back fiercely, clamping my teeth together to prevent it from escaping. The world seemed to be spinning, and for an instant I wondered if I was going to fall down.

After a few seconds I was surprised to find myself still upright, though my entire body felt empty. It was as if someone had ripped out all of my insides and shown them to me.

Edward moved slightly, and clearly he wanted me to sit down on the fallen down tree beside us, but I stood my ground. This was not a conversation I wanted to have sitting down. I knew what had caused all of this, and I rued the day I had agreed to the goddamned birthday party the night before.

"What happened with Jasper – that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!"

"You're right," he agreed. "It was exactly what was to be expected."

"No, Edward, you promised me, you promised me…" He had promised me everything, night after night for weeks; he had promised me so much that I didn't even know how to articulate it.

"I'm sorry, Bella, but I have to choose between you and them… and I choose them." I felt something twist inside me as he said that, and the cool detached look in his eyes only made the pain more intense.

"I'll come with you," I whispered, and I took a step closer towards him, which he mirrored with a step backwards.

"Bella, I don't want you to come with me," he said slowly and precisely, as his eyes never left mine.

I took a moment, shocked by his words, and repeated them in my head several times. Whatever way I looked at them, they just made no sense. I _knew _how much he loved me, I had been able to feel it every second I was with him for months, but especially since he had become human again.

"You… don't… want me?" I whispered, as I tried the words out in my mouth, to see if they made any more sense spoken than in my mind. I felt utterly confused.

"No." And there it was. Just a flicker, but as he uttered that one word, the lie was in his eyes, as was the hurt that he was causing himself as he said it. As soon as I saw it, it was gone, but it didn't matter, because I knew that it had been there.

"Of course, I'll always love you… in a way. But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm… tired of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I can't go back to being human; it's just not what I am anymore." He continued to gaze at me as he spoke, and I caught another flicker of the lie in his eyes. "I've taken this charade far too far, and I'm sorry for that."

_Oh, Edward, what are you doing?_

He stopped speaking, and for a moment I wondered what to say next. I could feel anger bubbling away inside me, but also my heart was broken pretty badly just then, considering the fact that he could even try and do something like this to me, to us. There was nothing on this earth that could tear me from his side; did he not feel the same?

"Don't," I said, my tone sharper than I had meant it to be. "Don't do this."

"You're not good for me, Bella." Another lie, now I could see it I couldn't help but smile a little, relief breaking through everything else I was feeling for an instant. I saw the surprise register on his face as I did, and that only made my ghost of a smile widen slightly.

_He must think I've lost it._

"Stop lying to me, Edward, please. I don't know what you think you're trying to achieve, but please do me the courtesy of telling me the truth, at least."

He paused for a second, and I couldn't read his expression, but I loved him so hard in that silent moment, I would be damned if I would let him do this.

"I am telling you the truth," he replied after a few seconds.

"No, you're lying to me. You want to go because you think it's best for me, or some other bullshit, because you _know_ it's not what's best for you."

_Ok, what happened to not losing your temper?_

"Oh do I? Whenever did you become so arrogant, Bella, it's not what I would have expected from you," he said snidely, though his expression said something quite different.

"It's not arrogance, Edward, it's called _faith. _In you. Absolute _faith._" I couldn't help the tear that suddenly broke through and trickled down my cheek. I didn't wipe it away, I felt like he deserved to see it, to see what his words were doing to me.

He looked away from me suddenly, and I could see that he was regrouping. I knew this man so well by now that I could almost hear the thoughts as they ran through his head, and I waited for his next round of lies. There was no way that he would give in as easily as that. After a few moments he spoke again.

"I'm sorry for that, truly I am. Maybe you should have listened a little better to your mother; maybe seventeen year old boys should not be relied upon for their consistency after all." He swallowed, and finally found my eyes again. His were cold and dull, as he looked at me without emotion. "I have choices now Bella, I want to… explore other options. Would you deny me that?"

"I don't believe you," I croaked as I fought to maintain my faith in the man I loved, even as he poured poison on my conviction in him. "You love me, I know it; I trust that fact better than any other."

"I said that I did, but maybe not enough," he spat at me, his expression contemptuous. "There's a world full of girls out there now, Bella, I'm not limited to just the ones who are too stupid to know to avoid vampires for the benefit of their own health anymore."

I took half a step back as his words caused me almost physical pain. A fissure seemed to be opening up in my chest, and I didn't know how to stop it. Inside my mind was warring, between the urge to shout and scream at him in fury, and to throw myself at his feet and beg him not to leave me.

"I believe that even less, Edward," I hissed, as my anger began to win the internal battle. "I think you're the arrogant one here, trying to make my decisions for me, like I am some sort of CHILD. Doing what you think is best for me, without having the COURTESY to involve me in the decision, then on top of that, lying to me and pouring bile over _everything_ that I hold dear."

Suddenly he wasn't trying to hide his feelings from me anymore, and his expression betrayed his shock at what I was saying to him.

"I'm not-" he began, but I cut him off, my anger now fully in control of my mouth.

"In fact I think it's more than that even, I think this is also about you being a FUCKING COWARD." I screamed the last two words at him, and I felt spit flying from my lips as my anger bloomed. "You're too afraid to live, having spent so long in your own little world, mourning on your piano and bemoaning your existence.

"Well, _guess what, Edward_? You got what you wanted, you got your life back! So what are you going to do with it? Do you have the balls to actually _live_ it?"

I cursed myself internally as more traitor tears escaped, but they were truly tears of anger now. I didn't doubt for an instant that he was lying to me, and after everything we had been through together, I was furious that he could try and pull something like this.

"Would you ask me to stay, when I want to leave?" He spoke quietly, and I could see the regret and sorrow clearly in his face now. He didn't want to go. He was breaking his own heart right now, just as surely as he was breaking mine.

He didn't move this time as I stepped towards him. I leant my hands on his chest as I looked up at his beautiful face, remembering every bit of love I felt for him as I tried to quell my internal storm. My heart swelled in my chest as we held that look for two or three minutes, not speaking, but communicating openly with each other nonetheless.

Eventually I pushed myself away from him again, and I could _feel_ his sadness and surprise when I did.

"I would never try to hold you if you truly wanted to go, Edward. I love you too much to do that." I leant forward again suddenly, and kissed him softly on his jaw. He closed his eyes as I did, and I saw his bottom lip tremble, almost imperceptibly. "But I will want you with me for every second, of every day, for the rest of my life, and if you go, you won't be leaving me behind, because you will take my heart with you. I don't believe a word of what you just said to me, baby, but I know you think you have your reasons."

I took another step back and truly looked at him for a moment. He looked… wrong, broken somehow, but I knew that I couldn't drag him back to the house kicking a screaming. He had to want to come back to me; he had to realize how stupid this was for himself. I couldn't survive if I was waiting for him to try and do this to us again.

"I just thank God that you didn't do this a month ago, Edward, as I probably would have believed you – and I just don't know what that would have done to me." I was shaking my head slowly as I spoke, and I saw his jaw twitch slightly, despite the fact that he was still clearly trying to remain impassive.

For a second I imagined what would have happened a month ago if Edward had spoken the same words to me. I would have believed him, there was no doubt about that, and the very idea frightened me badly.

"Please come home to me, baby. I'll be waiting for you," I said finally. Edward didn't move as I took one more step back away from him, his eyes never left me, though his expression was still detached.

I turned on my heel and began to walk slowly back home. I waited to feel his presence by my side, but I never did, and by the time I reached the front door I began to wonder if I had done the right thing by walking away from him. I pulled the door behind me with a click, and headed towards the kitchen to begin dinner.

As I cooked that night I didn't turn on the radio as I usually would have, as I listened out for the sound of the front door opening. By the time Charlie arrived home a couple of hours later, I had begun to fear that it never would.

* * *

**A/N – First, breathe, neither Edward or Bella are the people they were in New Moon anymore! Thing is though, even in Twilight/Midnight Sun Edward was planning on leaving Bella 'once he loved her enough', so this event was inevitable, even by this AU, he is still Edward! I'm not doing a New Moon on you though, so trust me! **

**Sorry it's taken this long, but I decided that I didn't want to post this before I went away, as I don't want to leave you hanging for too long this time! Chapter 26 is almost complete, and should be up in under a week.**

**While I'm here I must say thank you to all of you who review, I appreciate it greatly, even if I don't reply as much as I would like to. **

**I have just joined Twitter! I am **RiaMaria_WU **and I intend on posting details of when I next intend on updating and teasers there. I have never used Twitter before, so it will be an experience for me, and an opportunity for you to hassle me if you feel the need… ;).**

**Recommendation for this week:**

**Midnight Desire by Twilightzoner is a completed story (and has been for a while) on Twilighted. It's a rewriting of Midnight Sun in an AH world, where blood lust is replaced by LOTS of more human lust… Funny and smut filled if you're in that kind of mood!**

**Maybe I'll catch you on Twitter, otherwise, til next time,**

**Ria**


	26. If you love something, set it free

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight!

Thank you to venomaddict for beta-ing services above and beyond the call of duty this week. 22,000 words beta'd within 3 days, good going girlfriend!

This story is also available on The Writer's Coffee Shop and Twilighted. This chapter will remain the same on all three sites.

* * *

**Bella**

I was still sitting on my bed, my room as black as pitch. The only light that had been visible for hours was the green glow from the numbers on my alarm clock. As the two hundred and ninety-seventh minute ticked past since I had sat down, my leg twitched.

_2.59am_

My leg twitching might not seem like a big event in the scheme of things, not considering the fact that the world had almost ended nearly eleven hours ago, but to me with that twitch something changed. It was the first movement my body had made since I had sat down on my bed at ten o'clock last night. Since then I had simply sat and watched my alarm clock, and counted each minute as it passed.

_Two hundred and ninety-eight._

_What if he isn't coming back?_

The twitch became a shiver, and within seconds I was shaking. From my head to my toes my entire body trembled fiercely, as the possibility that he wasn't coming back began to creep like ice into my mind.

I had been so _sure._

I had shouted at him, I called him a coward for Christ's sake. I'd been so sure that his decision to leave hadn't been for him, but for my sake; what he'd thought was best. I refused to believe him. I walked away from him, confident that he would be back before bed, unable to bring himself to leave.

_What if I was wrong?_

_Maybe I was the arrogant one after all._

I felt wetness on my skin, and when I looked down I could see a tiny droplet glistening green on the back of my hand. As I watched another appeared, then another, tears falling like rain unbidden, as I couldn't even move enough to let loose the sobs that I knew were somewhere beneath the surface of this strange calm I had slipped into.

_Two hundred and ninety-nine_

_He doesn't love me. _

_He has choices now._

As my eyes moved back to the clock I felt the tears cease, and I went back to my watch.

_Three hundred_

_Three hundred and sixty_

_Four hundred and twenty_

_Four hundred and twenty-nine _

_5.11am_

I heard a car pull up outside, headlights shone in my bedroom window for a moment, breaking the darkness and lighting up my bedroom for an instant, providing me a snapshot of my life as it had been.

_As it should be._

Edward's coat was slung across the back of my rocking chair, where he'd left it on Tuesday night after we got back from the hospital. His books were lined up with mine on the top of my desk. The pile of his cds, which seemed to grow day by day, was now stacked three deep beside the laptop Alice had bought so recently. The arm of the shirt he'd worn on Monday to school was hanging outside of the hamper, where he'd casually slung it that night as he returned from the bathroom.

I felt my chest hitch, but before I allowed the tears to come again I leapt to my feet. Whoever it was that had pulled up outside had left the car running, so they had no intention of staying for long.

I hurtled out of my bedroom and threw myself down the stairs, in my hurry not realising that I was taking the stairs two at a time and not falling. I didn't have the time. Before I even reached the front door I was yelling at the top of my lungs.

"Wait! _Edward_? Stop! Don't go! WAIT FOR ME! WAIT FOR ME!" I could hear the hysterical edge to my voice, and from upstairs I heard Charlie's bedroom door opening and hurried footsteps. But I didn't care. I was going to do what I should have done earlier; I was not letting him go.

_I let him go._

_Oh Christ, I let him go._

"WAIT FOR ME!" I screamed, as I finally managed to yank open the front door, only to find Carlisle standing in my doorway.

My breathing was ragged, and my throat hurt from the shouting as I'd run to the door, but none of that mattered as soon as I registered the worried look in Carlisle's eyes. We stood and stared at each other for a moment, time I used to steady my breathing and try and calm my racing heartbeat, before he spoke.

"He's not here." There was no question in Carlisle's words. Simply a statement of fact that seemed to make the worry in his eyes grow suddenly.

"No. He said... he was leaving." I couldn't bring myself to repeat what he'd said. The lies he had told me.

_Lies? Are you still so sure about that?_

Carlisle simply nodded, casting his eyes to the ground as Charlie joined us at the front door.

"Who's leaving? What's going on? It's five in the morning, Carlisle. Where's Edward?" Charlie suddenly snapped his mouth shut as he stopped speaking, maybe realising the number of questions he had just bombarded us with in one go. He still looked half asleep, dressed in only his boxers and an old T shirt that I remembered from when I was a child.

"Edward's gone." Hearing myself say it aloud didn't make it seem any more real to me, but I was surprised by how calm I sounded in my own ears.

I looked at Carlisle, then suddenly realised what was wrong with this picture. "Why are you here? He said you were all going…"

"Going?" Charlie echoed from behind me, and I felt his hand sneak out and sit on my shoulder.

"I was waiting for Edward at the house. We were going to drive together…" Carlisle wouldn't meet my eyes as he spoke, and I could see guilt replacing the worry in his expression for a moment. "He never came."

"Why wasn't he driving himself? His car was gone…" Suddenly the answer to this question seemed impossibly important. "Why wasn't he driving himself Carlisle? WHY?" Charlie's hand tightened on my shoulder for a moment as I raised my voice, and I leant back into him slightly.

"That's not up to me to tell you, Bella." Carlisle still wouldn't meet my eyes, and I felt an urge to shake him by the shoulders and _make_ him tell me.

"What's going on Carlisle?" Charlie broke the silence, and I was shocked by the steely tone of his voice.

"We have to leave… I have to go… a new job…" The absolute failure of Carlisle to lie convincingly shocked the hell out of me, and I felt Charlie tense behind me as he picked up on it too.

"Edward doesn't have to go anywhere. He lives here, with us." There was a challenge in Charlie's voice that I delighted in, as he addressed Carlisle as the Chief of Police, rather than Charlie Swan. "You can't make him leave if he doesn't want to, I won't let you."

"He wanted to go." I couldn't help but notice the slight emphasis that Carlisle put on the word _he_ in that sentence.

I could feel the air prickling with tension as Carlisle and Charlie stared each other down. I could see that even now, Carlisle was trying to conceal his true nature, but nonetheless he was still deeply intimidating, and a surge of pride in my father hit me when he didn't stand down.

All was silent for several seconds, and as the two men continued their stare down, the only thing that mattered in the world hit me with blinding force.

_He was supposed to be with Carlisle._

_He should have been there HOURS ago._

_Where is he? What if….._

"Then where is he?" I only managed to mouth the words, not a sound making its way past my lips as my stomach dropped so far that a violent wave of nausea hit me. I would have doubtlessly thrown up on the spot if I had actually eaten anything that evening.

_What if something's happened to him? What if he's hurt? What if…?_

_Had I been right all along? Was the only reason he hadn't returned to me that… he couldn't?_

"THEN WHERE IS HE?" In my effort to actually make a sound this time I screamed the words so loudly that my throat immediately protested, forcing me to swallow a couple of times before I can speak again. "What time was he supposed to come to you, Carlisle?"

The worry had returned to Carlisle's eyes, and this time he had no issue with meeting mine as I reached my hand out towards him imploringly.

"I was finishing off some things at the hospital, he was supposed to be there already when I got home at six… but he wasn't." He shifted his feet slightly, a habit I knew that he had deliberately developed to make himself look more human. At this moment he was playing the role of the worried father perfectly, this time with good reason. "I've been waiting ever since, I thought that maybe he needed more time, or had changed his mind."

"He hadn't changed his mind." I was shaking my head as I spoke, far too worried to cry. "I left him a little after four yesterday afternoon."

"_You_ left _him_?" Carlisle sounded confused.

"We… talked in the forest. I didn't believe him. I… yelled at him. Then I left. I thought he'd be right behind me. I would never have… never…"

"How was he planning on getting home to you, Carlisle, Bella said that his car wasn't here," Charlie suddenly said, I could hear that he was now fully in Chief mode.

"He said that he was going to cut through the forest to us; it's a pleasant walk during the day... His car is still outside our house." Carlisle and Charlie exchanged a look, and I could feel the tension radiating from both of them.

The potential consequences of my actions began to swirl around my head. I had simply left him. I'd been able to see the state he was in. What if something had happened to him?

"You last saw him in the forest?" Carlisle turned towards the direction I had been looking in, making as if to head towards it. I knew he would be able to follow Edward's scent in seconds and find him, wherever he was by now, but I wasn't prepared for him to go without me. I wouldn't make the same mistake twice.

I grabbed Carlisle's arm tightly below the elbow. "I'm coming with you."

"I'm going to get dressed Bells." Charlie was already heading up the stairs as he spoke. "Give me two minutes; there are torches under the stairs. If we don't find him fairly quickly we'd better start calling people."

As we waited, I never took my eyes off of Carlisle. He had known what Edward was planning, and fury was building up inside of me that he had allowed him to do this to us. To _himself._

"I know he's doing this because of what happened with Jasper." I glared at Carlisle, daring him to deny it.

He sighed and broke eye contact with me, looking back towards the forest. I knew he wouldn't answer me, but his face told me everything I needed to know.

"If anything's happened to him…" I wanted to tell Carlisle that I would never forgive him. That he should never have played his part in this ridiculous plan of Edward's. But as he caught my eye again, I realised that I didn't have to. It was already obvious that if anything _had _happened to Edward, he would never forgive himself, and neither would I.

I grabbed the torches as Charlie appeared at the bottom of the stairs, and we made our way towards the edge of the forest. I had been in such a state when I had left him that afternoon that I hadn't paid any attention to where I had come from, and as we reached the forest I realised I had no idea where I was going, let alone in the dark

I whispered under my breath, so Charlie wouldn't catch it. "Carlisle, I have no idea where to go."

I saw him nod slightly in the torchlight, and start to make his way further along the edge of the forest, following the scent from earlier, no doubt. Finally we reached a break in the trees that I recognised, and pushed inwards.

Within moments the torches swept over the fallen down tree we had stood beside as we argued earlier, and my heart sank when I saw it was empty. I swung my torch around quickly a few times, praying I would catch sight of him, but he wasn't there.

Charlie huffed in frustration as he walked forward a few more steps. "We'd better go back, no point us all getting lost. We should be able to get the search parties out by dawn… it's only a little while, Bells."

He'd caught my face in the torchlight, and I was certain he could see the horrified look that I was now wearing at the mere thought of leaving again without Edward. I had no way of knowing if he was lost in the forest somewhere, or had gone off elsewhere instead, but I knew someone who did. I glanced towards Carlisle with my eyebrows raised, hoping he would understand what I wanted from him.

"I think I need to take a bit more of a look, Charlie," he said, but I could tell from the way he was standing that he was actually looking at me. "He might be somewhere close by, I have to at least look around… just in case."

There was no hint in his tone of voice that he knew anymore than we did about Edward's whereabouts, but I knew from what he'd said that Edward must be close by. He would be able to catch his scent easily, he could probably even hear his heartbeat if he was close enough to us.

"I don't know, Carlisle, it's dark, we could get into a lot of trouble by ourselves and no one knows we're out here. We can be back out here by six; I'm as worried as you are." I believed him; Charlie was walking back and forth in the tiny space in front of the fallen tree, still scanning the trees with his torch as he moved.

"EDWARD!" I jumped as Charlie shouted, for a moment expecting to see Edward stroll out from between the trees, before I realised that Charlie was simply calling him in case he was close enough to hear us.

We all paused for a second, but were met by nothing but silence.

"Come on, I'll get the search parties together as quickly as I can." Charlie turned and began to make his way back to the road, but neither Carlisle nor I moved.

"Did you hear that, Bella?" Carlisle looked towards me meaningfully, making a slight nod which I could only just see in his silhouette in the torchlight. "I think it came from over there." He pointed deeper into the forest, and before he moved I started to jog through the trees in the direction he was pointing in.

Behind me I could hear Carlisle telling Charlie that we'd heard something, and that I was following the sound. They were catching up behind me as I burst into another small clearing no more than ten feet across.

_Edward_.

I could almost taste my relief as I shone my torch directly at him, but he didn't move in the slightest.

He was sitting hunched over on the wet ground, with his feet spread in front of him, his elbows resting on his bent knees, and his head resting in his hands as he looked down to the ground. He was soaking wet, and for the first time I realised that the rain was misting down quite heavily now, droplets of water were building up in my hair.

I shivered for a second, cold even in the thick coat I was wearing, and I pulled the hood up over my head to protect myself from the rain.

I took a couple more steps towards him, but still he didn't move. I took in his appearance and realised that he wasn't even wearing a coat; I remembered it sitting in my room and cursed myself for not thinking of it before. He was just wearing a white long sleeved T shirt with a dark coloured checked shirt over the top, both of which were soaked through. I took another step forwards, close enough to reach out and touch him. Still he said nothing, but I could see that he was shivering, and every quick breath he drew seemed to be shaking violently.

I heard Charlie and Carlisle behind me, and I hesitated for a moment. What if he didn't want me here? I wasn't sure how much rejection I could take in one day, another scene like this afternoon would likely break me, let alone in front of others.

Suddenly I heard movement by my shoulder, and I raised my hand to stop whoever it was before I even realised that I'd done it.

I took one more step forward and lowered myself to the ground in front of Edward. I reached out a hand slowly towards him, I was shaking as well, but not with cold. I touched his hand and he jumped, but didn't jerk away from me. He was freezing cold, and my memory quietly slipped back for a moment to a time when he always felt this way. My stomach clenched at the thought.

"You're so cold," I whispered. I wasn't sure why he wasn't looking at me, but I wouldn't let myself start shouting at him again, whatever happened.

There was silence between us, but I waited patiently. The fact he hadn't pulled his hand away from mine furthered my conviction in my beliefs, so now all I was concerned about was him. My own heart would wait.

Gradually he shifted his gaze upwards, until suddenly in the torchlight there were the most beautiful green eyes in the world staring back at me. I kept my torch pointed at him, but almost fell backwards when I saw the utter bewilderment in his eyes.

"I… I… c.. couldn't… g.. go...I couldn't go." Edward was shaking so hard that his teeth were chattering, and he could hardly get the words out as he tried to speak. His entire body was shuddering violently, and his breath was coming in sharp pants.

"I know, baby… Thank God."

I slid my hands up his arms, gradually as I wasn't sure if he'd let me, and when he tentatively opened his arms up towards me I climbed quickly into his lap. I unzipped my jacket and tried to wrap it around his sides as well, while I used my hands on his arms trying to generate some warmth with friction.

I could feel tears welling in my eyes as I wrapped myself around him and clung to him, and moments later they felt warm on my cheeks. The relief I felt now he was back in my arms was incredible, and I had to swallow the lump in my throat when my body didn't seem to be able to contain all of my emotions anymore. I couldn't seem to get close enough to him, and I shuffled and wriggled my way closer as I clutched his shoulders to me tightly.

"I'm s... sorry, I'm so s... sorry..." he mumbled again and again as he clung to me like I was a life preserver in a storm. I simply hushed him, as I buried my face in his neck and hung on just as tight.

Edward's entire body was soaked through, and freezing cold. I pressed my cheek against his, and I was shocked by how icy it was. It was only September, but the night had been almost freezing, and very wet.

_Why the hell has he just been sitting here?_

I suddenly came to my senses and realized that we needed to get him back into the warm quickly. He was really far too cold, and his entire body shook in a way I had never felt before. He also seemed a little disoriented as he continued to cling to me; I couldn't really make out a lot of what he was trying to say either.

"Dad! Carlisle!" I searched behind me in the dark, finding both Charlie and Carlisle hovering in the trees just outside of the clearing, their torches pointed towards the ground. "He's absolutely freezing; we have to get him home."

As soon as I spoke they both moved swiftly towards me, I tried to get up, but Edward still held onto me tightly, his icy face pressed firmly into my neck.

"N ... no. D… don't… let m… me g… go."

"Never. I swear. Never again." I squeezed him tightly in my arms for a moment, before I sat back and looked him in the eye. "I shouldn't have left you here. I knew that before I even made it home. I'm sorry. But you're freezing, Edward. You're going to get sick if we don't get you warmed up."

He pulled away from my neck, but still didn't look me in the eye. "I'm s… s... sorry. I'm sorry I c… couldn't go."

"Don't be. Please. I'm not; thank God you couldn't go."

I leaned my forehead against his and closed my eyes. I wasn't a religious person, but in that moment I sent a fervent prayer thanking God that I'd found him again. The thought of how I would survive without him was… terrifying.

Suddenly I felt his lips against mine, so cold that I was taken back in time to another kiss, with lips as hard as marble and cold as ice. But then I felt his warm breath against my skin, and I was with him again. Soft and real and human. Capable of making mistakes, but hopefully also capable of accepting when he'd got it wrong.

We broke apart after a few seconds, promises sealed in that moment that even then I didn't fully understand. His eyes opened and then he gazed at me, not breaking eye contact even when Carlisle crouched down beside us and touched Edward's hand, which was resting on my waist.

"Edward." Carlisle tried to coax him to look at him, but Edward's eyes still didn't move from mine. "Edward, can you walk? We have to get you home, your body temperature has dropped substantially; we need to get you warmed up before you develop more severe hypothermia."

"I d… don't know if I c… can move." Edward still didn't move his gaze; it was as if he was speaking only to me. "I'm s… so t…tired."

"Bells, come away." Charlie appeared at my other side and took my hand, guiding me upwards and breaking Edward's hold on me easily. "Carlisle, you take one side I'll take the other. Come on son, let's get you home."

Charlie grabbed hold of Edward under one arm as Carlisle did the same on the other side and they heaved him to his feet. Carlisle had removed his jacket and quickly pulled it onto Edward's shoulders; I stepped forward and zipped it up once he was done. Edward's eyes still didn't leave me, and a slight smile touched his lips when I couldn't resist stroking his freezing cold face before I stepped back again.

Once he was on his feet Edward seemed to be able to walk with a little support, but both Carlisle and Charlie insisted on hanging on to him anyway, each of them holding on to one of his arms as if they were afraid he would fall at any moment. We walked through the forest, the torches cutting through the darkness from each of our hands, but still the going was difficult in the dark. I tripped over twice before we reached the road, and both times I heard Edward gasp from behind me. I leapt to my feet each time, dusting myself down and carrying on as if nothing had happened, as I internally cursed my clumsiness.

When we reached the front of the house, I rushed ahead to open the front door before Edward and our fathers reached it. The first light of dawn was beginning to break into the sky, but it wasn't until they led Edward into the light of the hallway that I could get a good look at him for the first time.

I felt shocked when I saw how white he was, his eyes looked dark and sunken against his chalky skin. He was still shaking violently, and Carlisle was examining him with great concern.

"We need to bring his body temperature up. Bella, can you run him a bath, but only lukewarm for now. Once he gets used to that we can warm the water up gradually."

I nodded and headed up the stairs as quickly as I could, leaving Edward and Carlisle moving much more slowly in my wake. I started running the bath, adding only lukewarm water as instructed, before I pulled off my own soaking wet jacket and dropped it on the bathroom floor, not really being of a mind to care about tidiness at that moment. I grabbed a towel and dried my hair, finding that I was a little shivery myself. I looked at the clock on the bathroom wall and realised that I had been outside for a little less than an hour; I felt a stab of guilt when I thought about the fact that Edward had been out there for nearly fourteen.

From the bathroom I heard Charlie downstairs, telling Carlisle that he needed to head off for work. Carlisle said that he would take care of Edward and that Charlie should go ahead if he needed to, and with that I heard the front door close, and moments later the cruiser started and moved away.

As the sound of the cruiser's engine faded into the distance, I heard a sound in the doorway. I turned to see Edward there, with Carlisle hovering behind him with a hand resting on his shoulder. He took an unsteady step into the bathroom, swiftly followed by Carlisle, who stepped towards the bath and tested the water with his hand.

"Bella, we need to get him undressed and into the water. Edward…" Carlisle took a step towards him, where he was leaning against the sink betraying his exhaustion, but he stopped when Edward raised his hands suddenly in a stopping gesture.

"N… no. J… just Bella."

"Edward…" Carlisle said again, as he started to protest, but I'm sure he recognised Edward's expression of absolute determination as well as I did. After a moment's pause he started to speak again, though his eyes betrayed a little of the hurt he was feeling.

"Very well, but I will remain downstairs. Bella, once he's used to this water start adding warm to it _very_ gradually. It will probably take an hour or more until his temperature is back up to normal, don't try and go any faster than that, as patients can go into shock.

"Edward, if you start to feel dizzy or nauseous please call me, I will only be downstairs," Carlisle said softly, before he turned and slipped out of the bathroom, closing the door with a soft click.

As soon as Carlisle was out of the room, I saw Edward visibly collapse further against the sink he was leaning on, looking as if he would fall down at any moment. He was still shaking violently, and I knew that I would have to help him get into the bath.

I moved towards him and put my hand on the zip of Carlisle's coat, hesitating as I looked into his eyes, waiting for permission to undress him. He nodded once, and stood unmoving as I quickly removed the jacket and threw it onto the floor along with mine.

His eyes never left my face as I hurried to remove his shirt and T shirt, pulling them over his head and throwing them to the floor with a wet slapping sound. His chest was an icy white, his nipples painfully puckered in cold and the rest of his skin was covered in thick goose-bumps. I longed to wrap my arms around him and warm him myself, but instead I threw a warm towel around his shoulders before I leant down and undid his jeans. I had to get on my knees in front of him to inch them down his legs, the soaking wet denim sticking to his skin. Mindful of Carlisle's concern, I wanted to get him into the bath and warming up as soon as possible, so I worked quickly.

Once I had his jeans past his knees he shifted from foot to foot hesitantly, putting his weight onto the sink by his side. I pulled off his shoes and socks, followed by the legs of his jeans, only standing upright again once he was naked except for his dark blue cotton boxers; even those were damp. I briefly considered whether or not to take them off as well, until I realised that he was still waiting expectantly. I put one hand on each side of him, and silently slid his boxers down to the ground, allowing him to step out of them.

"Do you need me to help you into the bath?" I didn't want him to think I was treating him like a child, but at the same time I could see that he was barely able to stand.

Edward simply nodded, and I allowed him to put his arm around my shoulders and shift some of his weight onto me, as we moved him into the bath. As I helped him lower himself down he caught my hand, hanging onto it even after he was safely lying back in the water. I sat down on the floor beside the bath, and draped the hand he clung to over the side.

We simply sat and watched each other for a long while. As the bath cooled I topped up the water, gradually warming it up bit by bit, until eventually Edward stopped shaking and his breathing began to come a little slower and more regularly.

After an hour had passed the water was up to what felt to me like a normal sort of temperature, and Edward was regaining some colour in his skin. The goose-bumps and shaking were long gone, and I breathed a sigh of relief when I realised that finally the trembling in his jaw had also stopped, which for some reason had gone on far longer than the shaking elsewhere in his body.

Throughout all of this, we remained silent. Our eyes never left each other, but we did not speak a word, and as time moved on I became more and more nervous. Several times it looked as if Edward wanted to say something, but each time he stopped himself, while I watched him questioningly. I was feeling overwhelmed and exhausted, not having even tried to sleep the night before which was finally catching up with me, but with the way my mind and stomach were churning, I was certain that I would not be sleeping for some time yet.

I also tried to break the silence several times, but when I did, I found that I didn't know what to say. Everything that sprang to mind either sounded accusing, or raised the possibility that once he was back to normal he would actually leave. All of the confidence I had been feeling after he clung to me in the forest had dissipated, leaving me terrified that our conversation from earlier would begin again if we spoke.

As the hour passed, my mind delved further into itself, as what had started as worry became panic that he would try to leave me again. After all, what had changed? Would his determination to go return with his strength?

I tried to ignore my fears as I studied his handsome face, trying to commit every feature and line to memory, in case that was all I would be left with by the time this was over. His cheeks had taken on a pinkish glow as he warmed up, and he looked divine as his entire body took on a flush caused by the warm water. The thought that he might try to leave me again hovered over me though, and I clutched his hand tightly in mine, as if I would be able to hold him to me, if ever he tried to leave again.

"Get in." His request was made softly, and for a moment I was so surprised that he had eventually broken the silence that I sat and stared at him, not quite sure what he meant.

"What?"

"I said, _get in_." He tugged at my hand, which was still clinging tightly to his under the water, as if he was going to pull me into the bath with him fully dressed.

"Carlisle's downstairs…" I suddenly understood what he was asking me to do, and hope flashed in my mind as a brilliant white.

"Carlisle can hear us perfectly clearly from downstairs, there's no danger that he will walk in unexpectedly," Edward said softly, but I knew that even at that volume Carlisle would hear him from downstairs. "Now, do you want me to ask you again?"

"You didn't _ask _me last time."

"Very well. Isabella Swan, would you do me the honour of joining me in the bath?" A tiny crooked smile crossed his features as he said it, and before he was even finished I was standing to get undressed.

As I removed my clothes I was very aware that he was watching me, seeming to greedily drink in the sight from his position in the water. I slowed my pace somewhat, not deliberately flaunting myself at him, rather simply allowing him to enjoy the view. When I was only dressed in my underwear I turned to face him, meeting his eyes as I leant behind me and undid my bra.

I held it to my chest for a moment with my arms, the straps hanging by my sides. His eyes dropped to my breasts expectantly, and after a moment's hesitation I dropped my bra to the floor. I felt utterly exposed, still uncertain of his intentions, I wasn't sure what I was doing even, but I simply didn't care.

I leant down and pulled my panties off, dragging them down my thighs slowly, part of me embarrassed, and another part ashamed of myself for doing this when I wasn't sure if we were actually even a couple anymore. But the largest part of me simply needed to be close to him, and nothing less than skin to skin would do.

When I finally stood, completely naked before him, his eyes were locked onto mine. He reached out towards me, and helped me step into the bath, guiding me down so I sat in between his legs, his now prominent erection pressed into my back.

I leant back into him as his arms tightened around my waist. I wrapped my arms upwards around his neck, one of them diving into his hair while the other clung to his shoulder. I tried to force myself to be gentle, but the desperation of the last few hours was finally hitting me, and it was all I could do not to sob hysterically as he held me.

"I'm so sorry. I'm… I'm such a fool." He spoke softly, whispering into my ear. "I so want to do what's best for you. I thought I knew what that was."

I shifted around until I could see his face clearly; our noses were nearly touching as I rested my hands on his chest. "Please don't ever do that to me again. I can't…" A small sob broke through the control I was working so hard on maintaining. "I can't be without you. Ever."

I watched as his eyes glistened slightly, betraying his own heartbreak from yesterday. "I'm dangerous for you, Bella, even now. My life is inextricably linked with vampires, whatever I do I'm a danger to you, and I can't even protect you from it anymore. I am so afraid that one day I'll have to watch something happen to you, caused by me, and I won't be able to stop it."

I could see that he was being honest with me now, and I paused for a minute to simply gaze at _my Edward_ for a moment. I couldn't believe that I had ever doubted he was still there, even for a second.

"That's my choice, Edward… not yours. We aren't the same as we were, baby, you can't always protect me. Sometimes you have to let me protect you. Sometimes we just have to stand together." I clamped my hands against the sides of his face as my eyes bore into his, our foreheads resting against each other. "I would face anything, _anything _by your side rather than be without you. Do you understand that? Do you believe me?"

I could feel his breath on my lips as he nodded once. I continued to stare into his eyes, until something else suddenly occurred to me.

"Why did you just sit out there Edward? You could have frozen to death. Dammit, you weren't even wearing a coat!" The fact that he could indeed have frozen to death hit me in a moment of utter clarity, and my heart clenched that he could be so careless with himself.

"I was so sure that I needed to go, to leave you to live a safer life without me in it, but I just couldn't do it." He stroked my cheek for a second, before he suddenly pressed his own cheek against the other side of my face as he tightened his grip around my waist with his other arm even more. "I tried, but my feet wouldn't move. I wouldn't let myself go back to you, but then I couldn't walk away either. It was like… an impasse."

It was my turn to nod silently as he moved back to look at me again; I could see there was more to come.

"I knew it would take a lot to convince you that I didn't love you, I was prepared to say whatever I had to… well, you were there." He looked away from me for a moment; I was sure to avoid the hurt look I knew must be in my eyes. "But, I'm used to being able to talk people into anything. When you just outright refused to believe me, whatever blasphemy I said to you, it threw out everything I thought I knew. Then you called me a coward…"

"I'm sorry."

"Hush Bella, don't be. You were right. I did it all because I was afraid. I am afraid."

I waited, but he didn't continue speaking for some time. Eventually I had to ask him "What are you afraid of, Edward?"

The water was cooling again, and with my toes I reached out and turned the hot tap on to a trickle as I waited for him to reply.

"I'm afraid of… of seeing you die because of me. I'm afraid that I can't protect you anymore. I'm afraid of loving someone so much that my life means nothing without them… and I'm afraid that one day you'll realise I'm just a man now, and not what you fell in love with."

I was shocked for a moment, his eyes showing me the clarity of his honesty as I absorbed his fears and tried to understand them. I wrapped my arms tighter around his neck again, and pressed my face into his, and his arms snaked around my waist and hugged me to him. Every inch of our bodies were pressed tightly against each other as we became almost one in the water.

"Just a man?"

"Just a man, nothing special. Not fast, or strong. I can't always catch you when you fall. I'll always try, but that's all I can promise. I can't even protect you from the risks I bring you, myself."

I was staggered, and spent a few minutes simply working out in my head what he was saying to me. Did he honestly believe that I would one day choose to not be with him? The very idea… was crazy.

I was aware of him watching me, and I decided to just say what I was feeling, and not over think it.

"You are everything to me, Edward. The last six months have been the happiest of my life, but the last month has been like… heaven. I fell in love with _you _despite everything that should have stopped me. Now… there's nothing stopping me. We can get through anything as long as you believe that. _I_ believe in _you_. I love _you._"

"As I love you, I love you more than my own life. I'm so sorry." He closed his eyes and leant his forehead against mine before he continued. "I'm so sorry, can you ever forgive me... for what I said..."

"I already have," I whispered, but the ache that still marked my chest told me that forgetting may take a little longer.

Our lips met softly then, and as I tangled my hands into his hair he shifted my body around so I was straddling him as far as I could in the bath. I felt his erection shifting against me, and I pushed myself upwards with my knees until I could take him inside of me, lowering myself down again until I had consumed him entirely.

We shifted gently against each other, the limited space in the bath barely allowing us to move at all. Our mouths never left each other's but as we kissed softly, then firmly, our eyes never closed, neither of us willing to sever the link between us that we'd forged there.

Edward's hand shifted up and down my body, tracing the lines of my shoulders and breasts, then my stomach and my hips. Every touch was loving and tender, every breath was into each other as we sought utter unity in that moment. The fourteen hours we had spent apart only serving to act as glue with which to bind us, the pain we had both endured never to be repeated.

I felt Edward's heart racing hard beneath me as we began to move faster against each other, our gaze still unbroken. The splashing water was forgotten as we made love, and as I felt Edward grow harder inside of me his eyes flickered, but didn't close. He came deep inside me, the look of pure adoration in his eyes pushing me over the edge at the same time, my own eyes staying fixed on his even when my body begged me to close them.

We finally broke eye contact, as our breathing slowed and our bodies relaxed around each other, when I rested my head against his neck, weary, but happy.

"Carlisle will probably want to see you, to check you're ok." I finally broke the quiet, the only other sound in the bathroom the gentle trickle of hot water still running to keep Edward warm.

"Carlisle can want," he grunted, an entirely satisfied noise. His entire body felt relaxed beneath and around me, but for my own sake I needed to know he was ok.

"I want him to check you're ok too."

Edward merely groaned in response, holding me more tightly to him in protest.

"I'm so tired, let's get out of the bath and go to bed. Carlisle can take a quick look at you once you're there. We'll skip school and stay in bed; I need to keep you warm."

"And how are you going to do that?" I felt his smile against my hair, and my knees went weak.

"I can think of some ways…" At that he began to shift in the bath, helping me out before heaving his own body out of the water. I turned off the tap and pulled the plug, noticing with some chagrin the water on the floor caused by our lovemaking in a really far too full bath.

We ran to my bedroom wrapped only in towels, and dressed for bed. Edward looked utterly exhausted, and he virtually fell into bed as soon as he'd pulled on a pair of boxers, not bothering to look for anything else to put on.

A few moments after we slipped under the covers there was a knock on our bedroom door, Edward was already dozing, but I called a soft "Come in."

The door opened, and Carlisle stood there, having waited patiently to be allowed to take a look at Edward. He walked into the room and sat down on the bed beside him, before he ran his hand through Edward's hair affectionately.

"It's been a difficult few days," he murmured, as Edward failed to stir from his slumber.

"Yes." I still felt a level of resentment towards Carlisle for his part in the last few hours, but I tried to forgive him as he sat and gazed down at Edward fondly.

"I'm sorry, Bella. Maybe I should have done more..." He glanced up at me, and it was with some effort that I bit back my initial response.

"You aren't responsible for Edward's choices, Carlisle." As I said it I realized that I meant it, and I managed a very small smile.

"No, but I am his father. Maybe I should be treating him a little more like the seventeen year old he is these days, than the one hundred and four year old he used to be."

"I can hear you both, you know." I jumped slightly when Edward suddenly spoke, despite his closed eyes and appearance of being entirely asleep.

"Hey baby, I thought you were asleep." I snuggled into Edward's side for a moment, and he hugged me to him. I was relieved to feel his warmth against my skin, and I hoped that Carlisle would conclude that he was well. "I'm going to go downstairs and grab us a bit of breakfast while Carlisle looks you over, do you want anything in particular?" I began to move away from him as I spoke, though it was an effort.

"Some milk would be good, I'm really thirsty."

"Sure." I kissed him once on the cheek before I headed for the door. I wasn't particularly hungry myself, but I knew that Edward and Carlisle had things to say, and to be honest, my capacity for drama was well and truly used up for now.

When I reached the kitchen I sat down at the table, and looked out of the window at the sun which had risen fully while we had been in the bath. As I waited for Carlisle to come back downstairs, I silently gazed at the yellow cupboards that my Mother had painted so long ago, and thought about why Edward had tried to leave me.

**Edward.**

I had dozed off as soon as my head hit the pillow of our bed, but I was woken up again almost immediately by a soft murmuring by my side. I woke fully in time to hear Carlisle telling Bella that maybe he should be treating me like I was a seventeen year old. I couldn't help but wonder if maybe he was right.

After Bella left, Carlisle busied himself with checking me over physically for a few moments. For the most part I felt well, exhausted, but no longer confused and utterly chilled to the bone as I had been earlier.

"You were tachycardic when we found you, and I'm sure you realize that you were in the early stages of hypothermia," he finally said when he had finished silently checking my vital signs. "But you seem to have escaped the worst of it, your heart rate is back to normal, your body temperature has recovered well. How are you feeling?"

"Exhausted, but that might also be because I haven't slept since Monday night." It was early Thursday morning, and the lack of sleep was really taking its toll on me. I was slurring slightly as I spoke, and I now understood fully what people meant when they said that they could hardly keep their eyes open.

Carlisle frowned at me for a moment, and I dipped into his mind to try and hear his thoughts, but he was merely trying to decide whether or not now was a good time for us to 'have a talk'. Quickly he came to the conclusion that it wasn't.

"Get some sleep, son. We need to talk about this, but that can wait. Can I assume that you are no longer intending on coming with us to New Hampshire?" His expression betrayed nothing, but his thoughts were relieved.

"No, I'm not going anywhere, Carlisle... I'm sorry-" He cut me off before I could say anything else.

"Edward, you're in no state for this conversation now, and to be honest, I think you need to have it with Bella more than you need to have it with me. Get some sleep; we'll talk at the weekend. I need to get home and tell Esme that you're alright."

I closed my eyes at the thought of all of the distress I had caused everyone over the last couple of days, but suddenly I felt Carlisle's cold hand on my shoulder.

"Sleep for now, Edward. That's doctor's orders." I nodded as he stood and made his way towards the bedroom door. Before he left he turned and looked at me. "I'm sorry, I should have done more."

He slipped out before I had the chance to reply, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

The last thirty-six hours seemed to have lasted an eternity, and despite my exhaustion I found I couldn't sleep as they ran through my mind.

After Alice had left me with my coffee at the diner on the border of Forks I had stayed for another hour, simply trying to make myself do what I knew I had to. Eventually, when the staff began to sweep up around me after the lunchtime rush, I left, and I drove slowly back home and gathered as many of my clothes and belongings from around Bella's room as I had been able to fit in my case in just a few minutes. I needed to get to Carlisle and back home, in time to meet Bella when she got home from school.

Carlisle had dropped me off at Bella's ten minutes before she arrived home, after a mostly silent car journey. He had tried to talk me out of leaving when I had dropped the BMW and my possessions off with him, but I had refused to engage him in conversation. He had given up eventually when I pointed out that it was time for us to leave. I intended to walk back from Bella's to the Cullen house, I knew that it would take me at least an hour, but I knew that there was no way that I would be in any fit state to drive by the time I had done what I needed to.

Bella arrived home a few minutes after me, and as she got out of the Volvo I watched her from the living room window. She was just so beautiful; I had felt certain that I was doing the right thing by leaving her. Something so perfect could not be destined for me, and the thought that I could somehow corrupt her life made me shudder in horror.

I ignored the shattering of my heart as I led her into the forest, and I prepared to speak such utter sacrilege that part of me hoped that she wouldn't believe me. From Alice's visions it had been clear that my only option was to convince Bella that I no longer loved her, otherwise she simply wouldn't let me go. I wasn't sure how I was going to do it, but I had survived for nearly a century due to my ability to lie convincingly, so I was certain that one way or another I would be able to convince her.

I only hoped that by giving her this clean break she would be able to move on, to live a normal life. To... to love again, in time.

As that thought passed through my mind I had to clench my teeth against the whimper of pain that threatened to break through. The very idea of my love with another... was enough to make me lose my mind.

So I lied, and when she wouldn't believe me, I lied some more, speaking such horrendous words that now that I was lying here, warm in her bed, I cringed. How could she ever forgive me for what I had said to her? I was sure that I would never forgive myself.

Whatever I said though she refused to believe me, and part of me rejoiced in that fact, even as I continued to stand before her and lie. The foul words that fell from my lips did not poison her against me, and even at the end when she screamed at me I could feel her love glowing like embers in the darkness.

She leant towards me and kissed me, and nothing could have made me pull away from her touch. Every fibre of my being screamed at me to reach out for her, to hold her to me and never let her go, but I locked down every muscle in my body. I wouldn't let myself move to her, however much I wanted to.

Then she turned and left me there.

_She left me._

Even now, knowing as I did that she was only seconds away from me downstairs, that memory made my insides churn.

"Please come home to me, baby. I'll be waiting for you," she had said sadly before she turned and left, leaving my heart shredded in that moment.

I stood in shock for several seconds; did she feel like this too? Had I just done this to her? The sheer visceral pain surprised me, which even I admit was idiotic considering the agonies I had been going through as I planned to go. The sheer intensity of my very human pain was astounding as I watched her figure vanish through the trees; she never looked back.

After a few moments I staggered through the forest for a short distance, the emotional toll of our confrontation more even than I had expected. An internal conflict was raging within me, to the point that I literally didn't know if I was coming or going. In one moment I was rejoicing that she still loved me, and seemed to still believe that I loved her, but in the next I fell into a pit of despair, regretting that I couldn't even do this right. How would she ever move on and live the life she deserved, if she still believed that I loved her? How long would she wait for me?

Throughout, with every shard of pain that cut through me, I suffered two-fold, bearing her pain as well as my own. Could a human heart really bear this? The thought that I may be putting her through the kind of pain I was suffering was unbearable, as the vision of her walking away from me replayed itself again and again in my mind.

I sank to the floor at the base of a large tree, and tried to decide what to do for the best. More than once I tried to make myself stand, to finally leave Bella to the life she deserved, but my body simply wouldn't let me go. I struggled for hours, one minute revelling in the fact that I was still so close to her, the next damning myself to hell for my weakness, and my selfishness.

The simple truth was, I couldn't make myself go, but I couldn't allow myself to stay. She had fought for me, and then she had set me free. How could I leave her now?

I sat like that for hours; unwilling to leave but unable to stay. Darkness fell around me, and when the rain came I realized how cold it was getting, yet I still couldn't move. Part of me thought it would be easier to just die out there.

Time passed, but I hadn't really been aware of it, until suddenly I was in the presence of an angel.

The second I looked into her eyes I knew that I had made a mistake. I wasn't going anywhere; I really was far too selfish a creature to be able to put myself through the utter misery that I would be in without her. Undoubtedly more important though was the fact that I could see that very misery reflected back at me in her expression, and I knew that _I _had caused it.

At that moment I resolved that I would spend the rest of my life making sure that she never looked like that again.

I shifted in the bed, unused to being in it alone. I wondered where Bella was. Carlisle had left several minutes ago, and all I wanted to do was wrap her in my arms and tell her that I loved her a million times, and then when I was finished I'd tell her a million times more.

I pulled the comforter around myself more tightly. I was still chilled even now, and I couldn't quite believe how painful the cold had been in my extremities, on only a September night. Added to my broken fingers, my still aching shoulder and my bruised legs, I felt... wrecked. There was really no other word for it, and the reminder of my fragility as I now was, was haunting.

I considered Carlisle's words to Bella earlier. He had spoken about treating me like a seventeen year old, and I wondered if maybe it was time for me to grow up. I was one hundred and four years old, and I had just tried to run away from my problems like an actual teenager. If I was going to stay with Bella, a fact which was no longer in any kind of doubt in my mind, I would need to be able to look after her.

Honestly, the fact remained that she would have been safer without me. I would undoubtedly bring more risks into her life than were necessary, risks that I was no longer in a position to defend her from, but that fact was academic. I couldn't leave, and she wouldn't let me go.

I just had to work out what we should do now.

"Penny for them," Bella said from beside me, and it was a testament to how utterly exhausted I was that I hadn't even noticed when she walked in the room.

I shook my head as I looked at her. "I... I don't know where to start."

I was so exhausted I was still slurring my speech, and my eyelids felt as if there were lead weights on them. Bella passed me my milk, which I gulped down quickly, before I settled down back into bed. I noticed that she was still sitting on the comforter, rather than actually getting into bed; I tried to drag her towards me, but she resisted.

"I can't do this, if you're leaving again when we wake up," she said quietly, and I could see the tears glistening in her eyes.

I was instantly fully awake again, and I sat up quickly. It had been so utterly obvious to me that I wasn't going anywhere; I had clearly failed to express to her fully what she meant to me. At least this was one mistake that I _was_ capable of rectifying.

"Bella, my love." I stroked her cheek with one hand, and I felt the tingles that always ran through my skin whenever I touched her. I marvelled again at the fact that this angel could really be mine, as she leant into my caress. "I'm so sorry. I'm not leaving again when we wake up. I will never leave you again, if you will still have me, of course."

_What if she can't forgive me?_

She cupped my hand against her cheek with her own, and smiled. "Don't be ridiculous, Edward."

"I love you so much, I'm far too selfish a creature to ever try and leave you again. The last few hours have been the very worst of my extremely long life. The thought of existing without you..." I could feel my heart rate beginning to pick up as my words tumbled out, despite the fact that Bella still cradled my hand in her own.

"Edward, shhh." Suddenly her hands were on my face, stroking my cheeks and brow soothingly as I tried to make myself calm down. "We're both too tired to do this now. Let's sleep. I just need to know that you'll still be here when I wake up."

She smiled at me, but something was missing from it. My resolve only strengthened that I would do everything in my power to make her happy again.

"I will be here every day you want me. I swear it. I'm so sorry, Bella."

"You realize that means every day, forever, right?" She smiled again, and this time it was a little closer to the smile I loved so much.

"Forever. I'm going to hold you to that." I took her hands in my own, and I stroked her ring finger on her left hand for a moment, before I looked at her meaningfully. This was one thing that I could not allow to continue for much longer. I already considered her to be my wife; it was really time to make it official.

"Ok." She nodded, and then leant forward and stroked my own ring finger on my left hand, just as deliberately as I had.

_Wait._

_Does she mean..._

I opened my mouth to say something. I'm not even sure exactly what, I'm fairly certain that I was going to propose, but her fingers pressed firmly against my lips preventing me from saying it.

"Not now. Sleep Edward. Just know that when the time comes, I'll say yes."

_She'll say yes._

I couldn't help myself; I grabbed hold of her and dragged her body to mine, holding her against me fiercely as she laughed ever so softly in my ear. My manhood was suddenly at full attention, and I desperately wanted her right then, but at the same time I recognized that I was so absolutely spent that I could hardly manage a coherent thought.

"Ok," I whispered in her ear, as I released her from my death grip. I needed to sleep, and so did she.

Without another word we snuggled under the comforter, and Bella wrapped herself around me like another layer of covers. She lay just to one side of on top of me, with her arms wrapped around my neck, and her legs wrapped around my thighs. I held her tightly around her waist, and turned my face into hers, so our noses were almost touching. I kissed her once softly, before she closed her eyes. She was asleep literally seconds later, her breathing softening to the familiar cadence that had filled my nights when I had still been unable to join her.

I felt myself begin to slip under only moments later, exhaustion claiming me until what would prove to` be very late that evening. My parting thought left me smiling as I drifted.

_She'll say yes._

* * *

**A/N – So, I hope you all appreciate the fact that I have only left three days gap since the last chapter, but I couldn't leave you any longer! Yay me! **

**Thank you so much for all of your reviews and pms, and I'm sorry I made so many of you cry. Do you feel better now?**

**There's no rec today, as to be honest I haven't had time to do anything but type for the last week! Send me a rec instead to show the love, as I need a rest...**

**Next update will be a week or so as usual; so don't get too spoiled with 2 in one week ;).**

**Til next time,**

**Ria**


	27. It goes on

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight!

Thank you to my beta venomaddict for doing this so quickly!

The title for this chapter is part of a Robert Frost Quote, the full quote is:  
"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on."

This is an unedited NC17/MA rated chapter; you have to be so high to read it. I know I keep saying I'm going to edit on here… and I am… soon…

**Edward**

When I awoke it was still light, though by the position of the shadows on the wall, I could tell that it wouldn't be the case for long. I was still exhausted; physically, emotionally, mentally, all of it.

But I was starving.

As I opened my eyes, my stomach rumbled, and I swear to God that the sound was loud enough that it should have woken Bella too, by rights. I felt as if I was starving to death, the hunger pains in my stomach completely overriding my exhaustion, and no doubt the reason I was awake in the first place.

Bella was still coiled around me like a snake. She had slipped off of my body so she was lying beside me rather than on top, but both her arms and legs were wrapped around me tightly, as if to ensure that I couldn't leave without disturbing her.

I watched her beautiful face for a moment, and I was concerned to see that, even in sleep, she bore a fine crease between her eyes, which she usually only wore when she was worried or upset. I stretched out a finger and stroked it gently; trying to smooth her worry away as I did, but she simply tightened her grip on me in her sleep.

As she did, my stomach rumbled again; plus now I also needed to visit the bathroom.

_I do seem to spend a remarkable amount of time being dictated to by my body's requirements these days…_

I eased Bella away from me softly, I replaced myself with my pillow in her arms, but immediately she began to stir, as if she was waking up.

"I'm just going for something to eat," I whispered softly in her ear. "I'll be back in a few minutes, Bella, I promise."

She seemed to settle at my words, I wasn't sure if she had consciously heard me or not, but it seemed to have been enough to allow her to go back into a more restful sleep.

I gently eased myself out of bed, and pulled on some sleep pants and dragged a T shirt on over my head as I moved towards the bathroom. I had no desire to bump into Charlie in only my boxers. I didn't think images of an encounter like that was something either of us needed in our heads.

A couple of minutes later I headed downstairs, while I mentally tried to work out what I wanted to eat. In all honesty, I decided that didn't I care that much, as long as it was hot, and there was a lot of it.

I started a little when I arrived in the kitchen, only to find Charlie sitting at the table, reading the newspaper. He lowered it as I entered, and looked at me thoughtfully. There was no sign of his usual discomfort at being alone with me, and a sudden surge of panic hit me. As we gazed at each other from opposite sides of the room for a few seconds, it occurred to me that Charlie would know that I had attempted to leave.

His eyes revealed little as I tried to discern from his thoughts what he was planning, but I couldn't read him at all. I could usually get at least an inkling of how he was feeling, but this time there was nothing. In fact, he was as silent in my mind as Bella was. I looked downwards suddenly, breaking eye contact, when I realised how unfair I was being by trying to gain an advantage in this situation by reading his thoughts.

"You two been asleep all day?" he said softly, as he laid his newspaper to one side.

"Yeah, I guess we were both tired." I ran my hands through my hair as I began to get agitated. What would I do if he asked me to leave? I really had nowhere to go now; my family was gone, to the other side of the country no less. I was entirely alone.

"Hungry?" His moustache twitched, and I was sure I saw a prick of humor in his eyes.

"Starving." I relaxed a little under his gaze; at least he wasn't yelling and kicking me out of the front door. It was a start.

"So… what ya cooking?" he said, as he looked up at me coolly, and I froze for a moment.

_What am I cooking?_

"I don't… I only know how to make breakfast… Have you eaten?" I glanced around the kitchen, but I couldn't see any sign of any dinner having been made this evening.

"Nope. I wasn't sure if Bella was going to come down. I thought I'd wait and see what happened… Breakfast does just as well as dinner to a hungry man, y'know."

I felt a little incredulous that Charlie seemed to expect me to cook something for us both to eat. Visions of me killing him with food poisoning began to cross my mind, and I started to feel a bit alarmed.

Suddenly he stood up, and headed towards the fridge. "I fed myself for sixteen years before Bella came home, Edward, I think we can feed ourselves just this once, eh?"

"What about Bella?" I asked. I didn't want her to go hungry, but at the same time I knew she needed to sleep.

"I guess we feed Bella, if and when she makes it down tonight. She'll wake up if she's hungry enough," he muttered gruffly, though as soon as he said Bella's name, I had heard his voice soften.

He started pulling packets out of the fridge, and I approached him to help. A few minutes later, Charlie was leaning over a pan filled with eggs and bacon, as I stood and monitored the toaster. Neither of us spoke as we cooked, though there was tension hanging in the air. I watched Charlie's back as he cooked, he was still wearing his uniform, and I wondered what he was thinking about. I realized as I watched him that the last thing I ever wanted, was to have disappointed him.

A few minutes later we were sitting opposite each other, and even I recognised that I was eating like a pig. All I had eaten since Tuesday lunchtime was the pie in the diner with Alice, and it was now Thursday evening. My stomach had rebelled, and had communicated to me very clearly that whatever else was going on in my life right now, it still expected me to eat.

The silence continued between us for a few minutes as we ate, but I could sense Charlie watching me the entire time. Meanwhile, I kept my eyes down and focused on my food, as my mind ran at a mile a minute, trying to plan the conversation which was before us. I had to tell Charlie something, and it had to be relatively truthful as he'd seen the aftermath of the shit storm that had been the last couple of days. But I simply couldn't work out where to draw the line.

Ultimately, I knew that there was a risk that he was going to tell me to leave. There was no way he would condone what I had done in my moments of madness, the pain I had tried to put Bella through. That fact alone made me want to lie to him, to spin a tale that laid the blame squarely at Carlisle's feet for forcing me to move away, casting myself as the helpless child in the situation.

However, another part of me valued the relationship that had seemed to have sprung up between Charlie and myself, and I really did not want to lie to him.

"So." I visibly jumped as Charlie broke the silence, and my fork dropped from my hand, falling onto my nearly empty plate with a clatter. "How are you doing, Edward?"

"Um…" I looked up and met his eyes for the first time since we sat down at the table, and there was none of the hardness there that I had imagined that I would see. His expression was soft, and his eyes were crinkled slightly at the edges, his lips pursed neither in a smile or a frown. I paused as I desperately wondered what to say, but Charlie simply continued to look at me, waiting for my response.

"I'm ok." I exhaled suddenly, the tension in my stomach dissipating slightly at my words. "Exhausted. I ache all over, but a lot of that's left over from Tuesday night I think." I picked up my fork and finished off the last mouthful of food on my plate quickly. Despite the difficult conversation I knew that I was about to have, I was still hungry.

Charlie waited for me to look at him again, which I did after a few moments, before he said the words I had been dreading.

"I guess you'd better tell me what happened. I think I've worked it out some, but I need you to tell me your thinking son."

I held Charlie's gaze, while I tried to work out what in the world to tell him. After a few seconds of panicking, I took a breath and decided that if I was going to grow the hell up, now was as good a time as any to make a start. I didn't want to lie to Charlie, so I decided to tell him as close to the truth as possible, and to do everything that I possibly could to make him understand that it was all for Bella.

"Um… it's a bit hard knowing where to start to be honest, Charlie," I said, as he watched me calmly. The thought that he was a police officer suddenly crossed my mind, and I wondered if this was the expression he used to quiz suspects.

"The beginning is usually the best place to start," he replied, his expression betraying nothing still.

_The beginning._

I searched my mind and tried to work out where the beginning of all of this really was.

"You know I have some problems right now..." I began, shifting in my seat uneasily. I was as uncomfortable with opening up to someone as Charlie would undoubtedly be with hearing it, but there really seemed to be no alternative. "Bella would tell you it all started a little under a month ago, but I know better really. My problems go back years, to when Carlisle first took me in, I just hadn't been giving them all my attention, is all."

I looked away from him and shook my head slowly, wondering how on earth I was going to tell him the truth, without mentioning the fact that I had spent the last eighty-seven years as a vampire. After all, that was rather a key point. Charlie didn't reply, but I could still feel his eyes on me. It felt strangely comforting.

"When Bella came into my life, she changed me utterly. I could suddenly see a purpose to my life, something which I haven't seen for a very long time, but at the same time I never felt good enough for her. I always felt that she could do better."I glanced up at Charlie, and to my complete surprise he broke into a small smile.

"I don't doubt it, Edward… but that's up to her, not you." I fixed my gaze on him for a few seconds. How had I never understood quite how smart he really was before now?

"Quite. Well, that's something I've learned the hard way over the last couple of days." I shrugged as I glanced away again. Maintaining eye contact with him was hard, as I wrestled with how to explain things to him truthfully, while avoiding the key issue.

I saw him nod out of my peripheral vision, as he waited for me to expand on my somewhat cryptic words.

"On Tuesday night, some of my issues came to the fore. You know my family's history, Charlie. Carlisle is amazing, but we all have troubled pasts, and sometimes that boils over. I broke my hand on Tuesday night fighting with Jasper." I sought Charlie's expression as I flicked my eyes over his face again, and I saw none of the surprise or even anger I had expected. He simply continued to watch me calmly. His mental silence continued to frustrate me, and I almost wished he _would_ react in some way, just so I could get a read on how he was feeling.

"I figured it was more than you let on… You can't lie for shit, Edward," he replied after I hesitated for a few seconds.

_I do wish people would stop telling me that._

"Ok." I nodded, part of me wondering quite how much Charlie had perceived over the last month or so.

"I didn't start the fight, but it made me think. Bella was right there, and had to deal with all of that mess, and I suddenly realized that she shouldn't have to." I shook my head, and looked at Charlie again, fighting with myself to hold his gaze this time. "She's been so amazing the last few weeks, while I've been really messed up. I honestly don't know how I'd have got through it all without her. I felt like I've taken advantage of her, leant on her, when I should be the one taking care of her.

"So, I decided that maybe she would be better off without me. The rest of my family are planning on moving on, well they were…" I paused and looked out of the window, wondering to myself what the rest of them would do now that I was staying. Would they all still leave?

"So, that was what happened last night, you told her you were going?" Charlie sounded like something had suddenly clicked, and I looked up quickly to meet his eyes.

"Yes…?" The question hovered unasked between us, as I realized that he would have seen how Bella had reacted to my idiotic behavior last night, even if he hadn't understood at the time what was going on.

"She was very quiet last night. I could see she was waiting for you to come home, I didn't understand why she was so jumpy though. She didn't eat anything, she spent most of the evening watching the front door, and jumping every time a car drove past." For the first time I could hear a rebuke in his tone, and I groaned at hearing about the pain I had clearly caused her.

"I told her we were leaving yesterday afternoon, but… she didn't take it very well."

Charlie's eyes widened slightly, and his nostrils flared in anger at my words, but I didn't give him the chance to reply.

"I don't mean she got upset," I continued quickly, looking away again. I cursed my inability to hold his gaze, knowing that as body language went, I wasn't making myself appear terribly honest. "Not like that anyway, she yelled at me, called me out on my bullshit. Then she stomped off, telling me that she expected to see me back home later."

There was a snort, and I looked up to see Charlie chuckling softly. "Yeah, that sounds like our girl."

I nodded. "Yes. Anyway, I didn't know what to do, I felt like I ought to go, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I got so caught up in my head, the time just… escaped me, I suppose."

I couldn't add that, eighty-seven years as a vampire had altered my concept of time entirely, and that fourteen hours sitting simply thinking didn't actually seem like that much to me; despite the fact that it clearly wasn't appropriate for me physically anymore.

"Are you still planning on going?" he asked me hesitantly. He looked concerned, but not angry.

"NO!" I virtually shouted in response, surprising both myself and Charlie with my volume. "No, I realized that… I was being an idiot."

"Right."

I looked up, waiting for some more, but Charlie simply began to eat again. I saw that he still had half of his meal left, so I sat back and allowed him to eat in peace for a few minutes. As I waited, my mind wandered to Bella upstairs in bed, and I hoped against hope that the man in front of me wouldn't try and separate us.

After a few minutes, Charlie put his cutlery down on his plate gently, and looked up at me again. He had been studiously avoiding catching my eye as he ate, and I had been able to sense him contemplating what to say next.

"Edward, I have to say, my first instinct is to make you pack your things and go home right now, I can't lie," he said, as he looked at me intensely.

I blanched at his words, and started to try and stutter out some kind of response as my stomach dropped into my feet. I stopped when Charlie held his hand up, and I recognized that the noises I was making sounded like they should have been coming out of a chicken.

"Uh, uh, let me finish, Edward. I said that was my first instinct. I have to say though, having seen Bella last night, and then this morning after we found you, I prefer it around here with you about. She's happy, so I'm happy." He didn't look that happy so I kept my mouth shut, as he clearly wasn't finished.

"Bella's a grown up, and it sounds like the two of you have some sorting out to do, so I'm going to back off for now. As long as you understand that I will step right back in if I think you're not treating her right. Ok?" He was still glowering at me somewhat, but he seemed to be waiting for me to reply.

"Of course. All I want is what's best for Bella, Charlie," I replied. I was relieved that he didn't appear to be evicting me, and also strangely comforted to have him rebuke me for my behavior. I felt as if I still had penance to pay for my conduct recently.

"Look," he sighed after a moment, and his expression softened a little. "I don't claim to be an expert on women or anything… clearly." He waved his hand around vaguely. "But I know Bella. Maybe she's too much like me, but she's stubborn and determined, and she won't like it if you try and take her choices away from her. If you're trying to make decisions that involve her - _involve her._"

"I will. Honestly Charlie, last night was one of the worst of my life. I can't imagine my life without her." Charlie started to shuffle in his seat as I spoke, and I could see that he was feeling uncomfortable with the direction our conversation was headed.

"Sure, sure, you know…" He hesitated for a moment, and rested his hand on the back of his neck; something which I recognised meant he was now really uncomfortable. "If you needed someone else to talk to… I know your folks and everyone have gone and whatever… so you could always try talking to me."

I nodded, stunned by the genuine look of concern on his face. I had started this conversation praying that he wasn't going to throw me out, and now he seemed to be reaching out to me.

I wasn't a hugger, it wasn't the done thing in my day, and no matter how much Alice and Emmett had tried to convince me otherwise, I would not be budged on it; but right now I had the strong urge to hug Charlie.

"Now, I reckon I need to have a chat to Carlisle about all of this," he continued. "But I guess now he's gone, I'm stuck with you." His lips moved into a weird half smile thing, which I somehow couldn't help but return.

"Sorry about that," I replied, trying to bite it back a second too late when I realized it actually could be taken the wrong way, but Charlie's smile didn't move.

"Just do me a favor son, and remember she's my baby girl. She might act all grown-up, but she's still just as big a kid as you are."

I nodded again, wondering how it got to the stage that Bella was the grown-up in our relationship.

"Good. I guess that's it. You can deal with the dishes, can't you, Edward?" Charlie stood, and started to head towards the door, before he turned and looked at me again. His discomfort radiated from him now, to the point he was making me feel distinctly awkward. "I meant it though, if you need to talk about… stuff…" he shrugged, and I nodded once, with a faint smile.

"Oh, and also, you better remember that I can make your life very difficult." he finished, as if it was an afterthought.

"Yes, sir." I nodded, understanding completely what he was trying to say.

At that, he spun around on his heel and left the kitchen. A few moments later, I heard the television turn on, and a baseball game started to play quietly in the distance.

I started to wash the dishes, as I thought through my conversation with Charlie. He had been far more understanding than I had any right to expect him to be, and I thanked God that I wasn't sitting in my car right about now wondering where to go next.

Truthfully, I knew that the cottage that Esme had been preparing for me was ready; she gave me the key on Bella's birthday. I had planned on surprising her with it sometime soon, but I had no desire at all to actually live there. Once Bella could come with me, of course some privacy would be wonderful, but until then, I belonged wherever she was.

_Bella_

_Thank God she didn't believe me last night. _

I couldn't even begin to imagine how I would feel if she had actually been able to believe the lies I had told her.

In a somewhat perverse way, I was proud of how she had called me out on everything, and yelled at me when I had told her I was leaving. She was becoming so strong; I was beginning to think that maybe she would be able to cope if I actually laid everything out for her. Now that I was staying, I could see no option other than to explain to her the problems we still faced. The fact that I had ultimately not left, didn't make all of the troubles before us simply evaporate.

The plain fact was that the reasons I'd had for trying to leave her were still there. The wolves were still potentially an issue, though I was starting to wonder if my family had made the right decision there by leaving after all. If there are no vampires in the vicinity, for what purpose would the tribesmen be transforming? If my family truly stayed away, perhaps the problem would vanish of its own accord, given time.

The bigger issue, and the one that I was far more worried about, was the threat that others of my own kind posed. Well, my former kind.

I wasn't lying when I said that my name was known by other vampires. While I had hunted men, the sickest in society but humans nonetheless, I had met and mingled with other nomadic vampires, as I could not bring myself to contact Carlisle; even then the guilt was too strong. So when I met others of my kind, I spoke with them, and often travelled with them for short periods of time. The life of a nomadic vampire is often a lonely one, and occasional company is welcomed by most. Though now the perfect recall of a vampire could be my undoing, if ever one of my previous travel mates were to recognise me, or maybe even search me out for some reason. Stranger things have happened.

I considered the problem for a moment, and wondered if maybe changing my name as soon as I graduated from High School would be a good idea. After all, Edward Cullen was a vampire, my real name had been Masen; perhaps it was time to consider returning to my human name. The most obvious advantage of such an idea was that I had not revealed my human name to any vampire, other than my family, for my entire existence. Perhaps that would provide enough distance between me, and my vampire self, to protect us from that world as time moved on.

The thought of changing my name made me feel torn in many ways. Cullen was Carlisle's name, the name of the only family I had had for nearly a century. Suddenly changing it would make me feel even more separate from them than I did already.

However, Masen was my father's name, and if I were ever to have a child, would I not want to continue my family line? I had been an only child; there had been no one else to carry on the name of Masen, so my family line had effectively ended upon my change. The possibility of resurrecting my family name left me feeling a strange mixture of pride and excitement.

I shook my head, dismissing the notion for now, leaving it to be considered further some other time. The biggest worry I now had came to the fore, and, after a little internal debate, I concluded that for Bella's own safety it was time that I told her about the Volturi.

I was distracted from my thoughts when I heard a sudden tumult from above. Footsteps thundered down the stairs, and a second later Bella was standing in the kitchen doorway staring at me. Without a word she flew across the room, and I caught her in my arms as she threw herself at me. I swept her up into an embrace, and she immediately locked her arms around my shoulders and her legs around my waist, almost suffocating me.

"I dreamt you were gone," she whispered into my ear. "Then I woke up, and you weren't there."

As she spoke I saw movement out of the corner of my eye. I glanced towards it, and saw Charlie now in the kitchen doorway, where Bella had been seconds before. He looked at me meaningfully for a moment, before he turned away and returned to whatever game he was watching this evening.

"I was hungry. I told you, Bella, I'm not going anywhere, I swear to you," I whispered back to her. I didn't know how to convince her I was telling the truth, I just hoped that if I said it enough, in time she would believe me.

"I know, I'm sorry. I just dreamt…" She didn't finish her sentence, merely squeezed me tighter, into almost a death grip.

I hugged her tightly back, feeling like a complete and utter shit, because she was apologizing to me for the pain I had inflicted upon her. I was totally unable to figure out how to reassure her, but I was resolved that I would do whatever it took.

"Shhh, it's ok. Don't apologize, please, if it takes me forever I will restore your confidence in me. Just please don't apologize."

"I'm sorry."

I shook my head gently, refusing to get into a discussion about the fact she had just apologized again. Instead, I wondered when she had last eaten.

She was still wrapped tightly around me, and though she was only tiny, she was heavy enough that I couldn't stand around supporting her all day. I turned us both around, and half sat her bottom on the kitchen counter, taking some of the weight from me, which allowed me to breathe a little easier. She didn't loosen her grip from around me at all when I did, she merely burrowed her face further into my chest.

"Bella," I murmured gently. "Are you hungry? I could make you something."

"No, I'm fine. Let's go back to bed." She mumbled her response into my chest, but I still heard her clearly enough.

"Really, when did you last eat?" I was trying to work it out for myself, and knowing as I did that she hadn't eaten the previous evening, the most recent meal I could suppose she had eaten was lunch on Wednesday, and I hadn't even been there to witness that.

"I had lunch," she said. Her words felt pleasantly distracting through my T shirt, her breath had heated a patch of my skin to the point it almost felt steamy.

"You mean you had lunch yesterday, as you certainly didn't today." Having confirmed my suspicions, I was not planning on going upstairs again until Bella had eaten something, however much she may complain about it.

"Huh. Yeah, I guess that was yesterday." She seemed almost surprised by that fact, and she finally sat back and looked at me as she spoke.

"Let me make you something, Charlie and I just had some bacon and eggs." I quickly scooped her back up from the counter, and turned to place her in her seat at the table.

"No, really, I'm ok, Edward." She clung to me as I tried to put her down, and again I felt like an absolute shit. She didn't even trust me not to leave her enough to be able to let go of me.

"Well, I'm not. Let me cook you something, please."

Fortunately the please seemed to do it, and Bella let me put her down carefully in her seat at the table.

I rummaged around the kitchen for a few moments under Bella's watchful eyes, and remarkably quickly I found I was able to rustle up some food for Bella, as well as a second helping for myself. Within minutes I was sitting down opposite her, as we both prepared to eat.

"I thought you ate with Charlie." Bella eyed my plate of food almost suspiciously as I sat down, and I felt a small bit of color come to my cheeks.

"Well, I did, but I've missed quite a few meals recently…" I looked up from my plate, into her soft features.

"Ahhh, poor baby," she cooed, as she broke into a grin. "If you'd been outside much longer, you'd have probably had to eat your own arm."

"Well, maybe…" I didn't mind that it was at my expense, the fact that Bella was smiling again was enough for me.

We settled down to eat quietly for a few minutes, my second plate full of food going down as quickly as the first, while I pondered on exactly what to tell Bella. Some of Charlie's words from earlier kept going round in my head, making me more and more convinced that it was time I told her everything.

_If you're trying to make decisions that involve her - _involve her.

**Bella**

I don't think that I had ever slept an entire day away before in my life, but my first thought on stirring had been that it was evening again; I had missed the entire day.

Of course my next thought had been quite different, when I reached my arms out and found that Edward was gone. I jerked myself awake almost instantly, and sat up in bed fast enough that I got a head rush.

_Where is he? Where is he? He's gone! No, no, no, no…_

I leapt out of bed and threw myself down the stairs, taking them far too quickly, and falling down the last couple, but managing to keep my feet. Seconds later I was staring at him, as large as life in my kitchen, up to his armpits in the most bubbles I had ever seen in my life.

_He does know that you don't need to use the whole bottle of washing up liquid, right?_

He was looking at me, and his expression showed his surprise at my hasty appearance, but I didn't even think about it. I threw myself at him, just needing to feel him against me, to convince myself that he was really there.

Before I woke up, I had been dreaming that he was gone. I had been searching for him at first, but as my dream went on, I forgot what I was looking for. By the end of the dream I had stopped even bothering to look, and I think that was what had upset me most about it, in my dream I had given up. So when I had woken up, and he wasn't there, I had been terrified that he was actually gone this time. In the seconds it had taken me to run downstairs to the kitchen, I had imagined endless scenarios where, after waiting for me to fall asleep, he had crept out of the door, to finish what he had started the day before.

Instead, there he was, looking disheveled and beautiful in my kitchen, covered in bubbles and wet with dirty dishwater, and he was perfect.

I clung to him as long as I could, breathing in his smell, enjoying his presence, cherishing the moment that could have so easily not existed right then. I didn't want to let him go, I was enjoying touching him too much, but in the end he insisted I allow him to feed me, despite the fact that food was really the last thing on my mind at that moment.

I couldn't take my eyes off of him as he cooked for me. My mind seemed to be stuck in a loop, where I endlessly repeated to myself 'he's still here, he's still here'.

Funnily enough, in all honesty I believed that he would not leave me again, the mere fact that he hadn't been able to go the first time gave me faith, reinforced the faith I had in him. My only worry was, I had never doubted that he still loved me, and that his plan to leave was for my sake. What if he was to decide to try to do something else for my own good? Something even more ridiculous?

As I pondered on it while we ate, something began to niggle at me, something that I almost couldn't put my finger on for a few moments. I searched my thoughts, wondering where the sudden burst of annoyance was coming from, but once it struck me, I couldn't believe that it hadn't hit me before.

_Who the hell does he think he is making my decisions for me?_

I frowned as the thought crossed my mind, and I saw Edward stop for a second at my expression. I could feel irritation prickling my skin, but when I really looked at him again, much of it dissolved instantly. It was something we needed to talk about, but right now I was just so relieved to have him with me, I just didn't want to fight.

When we had eaten and washed up again, using the very last drip of washing up liquid in the bottle, Edward insisted on carrying me upstairs again to bed. I was perfectly capable to making my own way up, but he seemed to enjoy being able to carry me, and I couldn't deny the pleasure of being in his arms.

After a quick visit to the bathroom, I returned to my room to find him back in bed again. It was still early, and Charlie was still downstairs watching baseball. I shut the door to shut off the noise, as Edward was leaning against the headboard, wearing an expression that told me we were going to talk.

"Are you still tired?" he asked me, as I slid under the comforter beside him. I kept a slight distance between us, to allow me to see his face, his expression making me a little wary of what he wanted to say.

"A bit," I replied, as I snuggled a little closer to him. I couldn't resist.

"I think I owe you an explanation, Bella, and there are some things I need to tell you, that I probably should have done already." His expression, serious before, grew almost grave, and I found myself pulling away from him again as I worried about what he wanted to say.

"Ok…" I froze, as part of me searched for something to say to put off this conversation, as I could see that it wasn't going to be good. My memory immediately took me back to the previous day, reminded by the fact that I had had exactly the same feeling just before Edward had told me he was leaving.

"Hey… I told you I'm not going anywhere, I'm not going back on that." He leant forward and took my hand, dragging it to him and resting it over his heart. The calming thump of his heart beat immediately moved through my skin, soothing my soul in the most pleasant way.

"Ok." I repeated with a small smile, as I took his hand in my other one, and put it on my own chest. My heart was beating quite fast, but I hoped it would soothe him in the same way his calmed me.

He suddenly smiled warmly as his hand settled on my chest. "I miss this, you know."

I cocked my head to one side questioningly, as he pressed his hand harder against my chest, before he suddenly moved, and pressed his ear against me instead. He wrapped his arms around my waist, as he buried his head in my chest, his ear pressed firmly over where my heart lay.

"The sound of your heartbeat has been a constant in my life ever since the day we met, the most important sound in the world. Yet now I can only hear it like this. I miss it, the constant reassurance that you're near me. I got to the point I could pick out the sound of your heart from a crowd, no, a city full of people. I could hear it from a mile away." He pulled away a little, so we were facing each other again. "And now, even from here, I can't hear it anymore. It's just something else that has changed."

"Just because you can't hear something, doesn't mean it's not still there."

"You're right of course," he replied, before he paused for a moment. "There are some things you need to know, for yours and my safety. You know, I felt justified in trying to go yesterday because I do fundamentally pose a danger to you, Bella."

"No, Edward-"

"Yes, Bella. You don't understand everything that's going on here," he said mysteriously, and suddenly I felt irritation begin to boil up at him again.

"Then why don't you tell me what's going on here, rather than try and shoulder everything yourself? That's what a relationship is supposed to be about; this is never going to work if you won't talk to me!" I snapped, my frustration about his continued insistence on protecting me raising its head again.

"I'm sorry, I'm trying." He pulled me closer to him again, as I had shifted away in the bed in my annoyance. "You see, when I allowed us to become close originally, I told you that I was dangerous for you, that it would be better if we weren't friends."

"Yes, I remember," I said after a moment, as Edward had seemed to have become lost in thought.

"Well, I wasn't just dangerous because of the risk I posed to you myself, though that was a major consideration." He smiled wryly, before he continued. "You see, vampires are governed by laws, well, one law really, but to break it is punishable by death."

"What is it?" I whispered, feeling tension suddenly rolling off of Edward, and coming straight into me.

"It's simple, you'd be able to guess it if you thought about it. It is simply to _keep the secret._ We are not allowed to reveal ourselves to humans, and any human who knows of us is also put to death if they are captured." I noticed that Edward had slipped into including himself as a vampire again, but I didn't correct him, I needed to hear what he was telling me.

"The law is enforced by our leaders, self proclaimed royalty of the vampire world, if you will. You have seen their picture in Carlisle's study; they are the Volturi," he finished in a whisper.

"I remember them, Carlisle lived with them for a time didn't he?"

"Yes, but he chose to leave them after a few decades, despite the fact that they wanted him to stay."

"They aren't vegetarians, are they?" I knew even as I asked him what the answer was, though I needed to hear him say it. The meaning of his words was all too clear to me, the ramifications to us if these vampires heard of mine and Edward's existence were clearly dire.

"No. Which is why Carlisle felt he could not stay; he left in search of others who would choose to feed on animals. He hasn't seen them in hundreds of years, but still, they know of him and his family, and we have no way of knowing whether or not they keep any kind of tabs on us…" He looked at me meaningfully, and I suddenly understood fully what he was saying.

"You mean, you don't know if they might be checking up on you? That they might find out about what's happened to you?" He was nodding slowly, and I could feel the beginnings of fear bubbling in my stomach.

"They may be, we have no way of knowing. If something unusual was to come to their attention, it is extremely likely that they would send somebody to investigate. A vampire turning back into a human would count as exceptionally unusual." His tone was cold as he finished, but I could tell that it was because he was trying to control his own emotions, as he explained his fears to me.

"What would they do to us?" I asked, not really wanting to hear the answer, and as if he could read my mind for a moment, he didn't reply.

I moved towards him quickly, and wrapped myself up in him again, taking comfort from his warmth. He held me close, as we simply breathed each other in for a few minutes. The thought that there was someone out there who would want to separate us, buried any feelings of annoyance I felt towards him.

_No wonder he had wanted to protect me. _

For a moment I considered what I would do if our roles were reversed, and I knew that I would undoubtedly do the same as he had tried to. If I felt that my very presence could attract people who wished Edward harm, I would have no choice but to go.

After a few minutes, I broke the heavy silence in the room, as I needed to understand more.

"And this is the reason why you tried to leave?" I asked, though I already knew that was certainly the case.

"Along with others, but yes, this is my biggest concern. The wolves, and the vague threat of nomadic vampires I haven't heard from in decades dropping by, pale into insignificance when compared to the Volturi." He sounded so resigned as he spoke, a little tremor of fear ran through me. He didn't seem to notice, though I was sure that he would have understood the sentiment.

"The thought that they might come for you, love, because of me… I can't let myself think about it. It makes me…" He shook his head again, and I could see the pain in his features. "I can't defend you anymore, but I could attract so much danger. You must understand, as long as I am with you, there's always the risk that they could come."

"Who are they? What right do they have to enforce this law? Who made it?" I demanded; I was beginning to feel angry that a ghoulish specter could make Edward feel so helpless.

"They are led by three ancient vampires, though the coven is far larger than that. Many of them bear formidable gifts, which make a little mind reading look like a parlor trick." He chuckled slightly, jiggling me against his chest.

"They possess absolute power, and they enforce the law with rigor. Any vampire caught exposing any sign of our existence to humans is tried and executed; they do not exercise mercy often.

"Now, not only are both you and I humans who know entirely too much about the world of vampires, but I am a vampire who has recovered his humanity. Purists, those who believe that the vampire is far superior to humans, would consider my change almost a blasphemy, whereas others would be jealous of my good fortune, those such as Rosalie.

"Whatever happened though, we would not be allowed to continue to live as we do, if ever the Volturi were to hear of us. This is another reason that it might be better for Carlisle and the rest of my family to leave the area. If there is no coven of vampires here, then there is less reason for the Volturi to be interested in visiting this place." He finished speaking as he looked at me solemnly; he ran a single finger down my cheek, pausing on my chin as he gazed at me.

"Have you ever met them, Edward, do they have any reason to know who you are?"

"No, but obviously they know Carlisle…" I suddenly saw the faintest glimmer of optimism in his expression at my words, but I could still see hesitation in his eyes.

"But not you? So surely, as long as we avoid these Volturi and your family keep quiet about us…" I couldn't help but feel a little more optimistic too when I thought of it like that. Why would we ever have any reason to come into contact with the Volturi? Even if they met with the rest of the Cullens again, how would they ever find out about Edward?

"You're right of course. But as we get older, it might be necessary to take some more precautions to conceal ourselves. But for the most part, maybe I am over thinking the risk… There is a risk here though, please don't doubt it, Bella. Keeping my secret is more important now than it ever was, especially as I am now left entirely unable to protect you..."

_Ah, and here we have the central issue._

"I said to you before Edward, you can't be expected to protect me, we're a team these days!" I winked at him, and he smiled, the tension of the last few moments forgotten.

"Ohhh," he suddenly groaned. "Talking of teams, I've got my first baseball practice tomorrow night, after school."

The sudden turn from talking about ancient vampires to baseball practice, made me stop for a moment. I wondered about quite how surreal the changes in Edward's life must seem to him sometimes, before I remembered what he had said about playing baseball.

"It's alright, I'll watch." I couldn't help but smile when I thought of Edward in his rather tight baseball uniform, watching him when he got onto the team the week before had been extremely… enjoyable.

_Oh yeah… _

_Hmm, the inner nympho seems to be raising her ugly head again._

"You don't have to, you could take your car in, and drive home straight after school if you like," he said nonchalantly.

"No, no, it's ok, I don't mind."

_Just you try and stop me… hmmmm…Sweaty Edward…_

I could feel my eyelids drooping as I snuggled into Edward's chest. Part of me wanted to stay awake and keep talking to him, I wanted to hear more about the world he had been part of, as there was clearly a lot he had kept from me; but another part of me was shattered, the emotional upheaval and night of missed sleep not made up for yet, and if I was going to be able to face school in the morning, I needed to sleep.

"Do you want to go back to sleep?" Edward asked, and he sounded as if his voice was coming from a little way away from me.

"Mmmhmm," I hummed into his chest, and I felt rather than heard him chuckle under me.

The bedside light went out beside me, and I felt Edward hold me tighter against his chest.

"Goodnight, my love. I will do everything in my power to keep the monsters at bay." The last thing I remember was the soft kiss he placed on my hair as I went back to sleep, in the only arms I would ever need.

**Edward**

The next morning I awoke early, having spent the best part of the last twenty four hours asleep. The room was bleached a soft grey with early morning light, but it was enough to allow me to lie and watch Bella asleep in my arms.

She was still curled around me, though the almost desperate way she had been grasping me the night before had relaxed into our more usual sleeping position, with her resting on my chest, with her arm slung over me possessively. I was relieved to see that her expression was at last more relaxed as she slept, and as she almost wore a smile in her sleep.

I watched her for a while, reveling in what used to be one of my favorite pastimes. In many ways I missed my nights awake, as she slept in my embrace. I missed hearing her unguarded words as she slept, and every time I had heard her speak my name in her sleep, it had made my heart soar.

More than anything though, I missed simply studying her, getting to watch her take each and every breath that sustained her, and wondering at the life which meant so much more to me than my own.

I gently reached down and placed my hand over her heart. I had told her the night before how much I missed the constancy of that sound, now that I couldn't hear its every beat. It was the metronome by which I had lived my life ever since the day I had met her, and its silence bothered me. Even now I found that I sometimes had to restrain myself from reaching out to feel it, seeking the reassurance of the soothing beat.

She stirred suddenly, and when she said my name, I worried that I'd woken her.

"Bella?" I whispered softly, but she did not reply. A slight snore told me that she was still asleep.

I smiled, and tried to move my hand away again without disturbing her. She had been exhausted by the drama of the last couple of days, and we would need to go to school today. Senior year waits for no man.

"Edward…" she said again, and this time I immediately recognised from the sound of her voice that she was still asleep.

I stopped and waited, far too excited to hear what she might say. The insight into her subconscious never failed to enlighten me about what she was truly thinking and feeling.

"Edward…" she mumbled again. "The fairy stole my watermelon… _oh no_! She dropped it in the marmalade…"

I couldn't help it; I burst into laughter, my snorts totally beyond my control for a moment as Bella jiggled around on my chest, being shaken quite firmly as I failed entirely to restrain my chuckles. My eyes were squeezed shut as I laughed, and stayed that way until a small finger suddenly poked me in the chin.

"What?" Bella looked sleepy and slightly confused, as she tried to glare at me, but didn't do a very good job of it.

"You were talking in your sleep. What were you dreaming about?" I said, as I finally got my chuckles under control.

"I… don't remember. Why, what did I say?" she was looking at me somewhat dubiously, and I had to resist the urge to start laughing again.

"Nothing terrible, it was just funny, don't worry about it." Bella huffed at me slightly at my reply, but then she snuggled back into my chest and wrapped her arms tightly around me, and squeezed.

"What time is it?" she said, after a few moments.

"Nearly six, the sun's just starting to come up." The sun wasn't the only thing that was starting to rise either, as Bella was now stroking my chest hair with her fingers and causing my body to react to her touch.

Suddenly I heard the sound of the front door closing, and a moment later the cruiser started up. I wondered if it had been Charlie getting ready for work that had originally woken me up for a minute, until I was distracted again by Bella's hand, as it started to run lower on my body. She stopped when she reached my navel, and she began to stroke her finger around it gently. She was still lying resting on my chest, her eyes now closed again, and I wasn't sure if she was trying to or not, but she was driving me crazy.

"We've been in bed for nearly an entire day and night. That is so lazy," she suddenly said. I saw her lips curve into a smile, and at the same time her hand drifted a little lower, this time stopping on my lower belly, where she began to scratch her nails gently across my sensitive skin.

I was doing my best to lie still, but in reality I was now battling the urge to flip her over and cover her body with mine. My shaft was throbbing with want, and every time she scratched her nails over my skin it twitched. I fought the urge to grab her hand and shift it downwards, despite the blood pounding in my ears and the tightening in my groin.

I wasn't sure if she was touching me this way intentionally, or if she was simply being affectionate as she dozed. In the end I had fallen asleep in only my boxers the night before, as I found otherwise I got too hot with Bella wrapped around me all night long, and my chest was bare beneath her.

After my actions over the last day or two, I didn't want to presume anything, and with most of my blood now diverted away entirely from my brain, I was having trouble working out what to do next.

"Bella…" I moaned, before I realised that I was even going to do it. Suddenly there was a flash of chocolate brown, and I caught the wicked look in her eyes as soon as she opened them to me.

"Edward…" she replied, as her hand shifted down further, entirely bypassing my shaft, and cupping my balls instead.

I groaned at the contact, and my pulse seemed to beat even harder in my ears. My hips shifted, but Bella didn't move, keeping her position resting across my chest, almost pinning me to the bed.

"Bella, what are you doing?" I groaned, as I shifted my hips again, now feeling uncomfortable from need.

_As if you're trying to torture me, you're doing a really good job._

"What do you think I'm doing Edward?" She shifted up my body enough as she spoke, so I could reach down slightly and kiss her lips.

She gasped as I kissed her, and when she opened her mouth I pressed my tongue quickly against hers, morning breath be damned. The taste of her suddenly spiraled everything out of my control, and my utter relief of still having her with me overflowed from every pore in my body. I moved deliberately for the first time, and wrapped my arms around her tightly, pulling her to me as if I would never let her go, as we kissed passionately.

She pulled away from me, pushing against my chest firmly a few seconds later to try and break my grip on her, but I couldn't let her go. Instead I began to rain kisses on her throat and chest as we both gasped for breath.

"I love you so much, Edward," she whispered in my ear, as she shifted her hand away from my groin, running it up the side of my body and curled it around my waist.

I groaned in frustration, my hormones and my desire overwhelming me, but I still did not entirely trust that I had been completely forgiven. I gripped her against me even tighter, and rested my face against her throat as I searched for control. The last thing I wanted to do was frighten her by my utter animal need for her right now.

"I love you too, Bella, so much. So much." I began to kiss her skin, kissing and sucking and biting the tender flesh of her chest, but the tension in my body was almost unbearable, and it only got worse as she trailed her hand down my stomach again.

She drew small circles on my lower stomach, I could feel the air being disturbed around my length, but she still didn't touch me. I began to moan, and shift my hips rhythmically, only managing to find a little relief from the touch of the covers against my blazing skin, as she continued to _not_ touch me.

I suddenly felt her lips on my face, and she trailed kisses down from my temple to my lips. I was still moaning as I writhed in the bed, physically fighting my urge to roll her over and… just… _fuck _her.Hard.

"What do you want, Edward?" she whispered in my ear, before she ran her tongue around it, stopping at my earlobe and nipping me almost painfully.

"I want…" I shook my head, not able to bring myself to express to her what I truly wanted to do to her.

"Tell me," she insisted. Her hand moved dangerously close to my cock, before it moved away again, leaving scratches across my stomach as it did. I grunted from the pleasure and the pain, and I suddenly realised that my eyes had been closed as I squirmed against her.

My eyes flicked open immediately, only to be met by her intense stare, inches away from mine. I had never seen such fire in her eyes; I was utterly stunned by the desire and the passion in her expression.

"I want you to touch me," I replied, and given confidence by the look in her eyes I reached down and moved her hand onto my shaft. She immediately curled her fingers around me, and began to stroke me firmly, and I had to bite my tongue hard to restrain myself from the urge to come straight away in her hand, as I finally felt her touch against my skin.

"Tell me what else you want," she muttered seductively in my ear, as she continued to touch me confidently.

I shook my head again. I didn't want to make love to her; I wanted to own her, to possess her, to mark her as mine in the basest way possible. How could I possibly say that to her?

Suddenly she let me go, and moved her hand back to my stomach, resuming the soft scratching that made me feel like I wanted to crawl out of my own skin.

"Tell me," she said simply, her eyes steady on mine.

I growled as I rolled her over suddenly, unable to restrain myself any longer. The pounding in ears was deafening, and my cock throbbed with desire that almost made me feel insane. I pressed my weight onto her as I pulled her knees apart with my hands. I ran my hand up her inner thigh, and I found that she was naked underneath my T shirt that she was wearing on top. My boxers were already around my knees, and within seconds my shaft was pressed up against her wet centre.

"What I want Bella, is to _fuck_ you," I growled. My voice sounded rough as I rubbed my cock against her body. She gasped as I did it, and I recognised the lust in her eyes. "I want to make you scream my name until we both forget the bullshit we've been through over the last few days. I want to pound you into the bed until you can't take any more, and then I want to do it again, and again, and again."

My words only seemed to light a fire in her, and she immediately wrapped her legs around me, and began to pull me closer to her, wriggling her hips against mine irresistibly.

"I want to mark you, bite you and brand myself upon you so there is no doubt that you belong to me. I want to make sure that everyone understands that you are _mine._"

"Edward, please," she moaned in my ear, and I couldn't hold back anymore.

I shifted myself slightly, and a moment later I thrust into her deeply in one fluid movement, filling her with my whole length so suddenly I think it took us both a little by surprise. I paused as the relief flooded over me, being surrounded by her warm wet heat seemed to make me feel instantly better. Seconds later I began to thrust into her deeply, moving both myself and her to create the delicious friction I needed, and the feeling of belonging that I craved.

We shifted together, her hips lifting to meet my every thrust as we moaned in harmony with each other. She pulled me forcefully down, even more on top of her, and after a moment I rested my weight on her chest as I scooped both of my hands under her ass, pulling her more tightly to me, intensifying our connection.

"So good…" she moaned, as I ground myself against her. With every movement I tried to get deeper, filling her more fully with every thrust. I felt the urgent need to completely own her, to seize her and hold her to me, to crush her into me. _Mine._

"Bella. God. So good. Mine. Love you. Want. Mine. _Christ._" My words were disjointed and rambling, but I didn't seem to be able to stop as I could feel the familiar coil building up in my stomach.

"Edward, _fuck…"_ Bella gasped as I felt her orgasm begin to pulse around my length, and hearing her swear, and feeling her come on my cock tipped me over into my own never ending orgasm.

I grunted as I began to come hard inside her, my hips thrashing against her a few times as I lost all control of my body. The sensations rippling through me were so violent it was incredible, and as I finished I opened my eyes to see her watching me, her gaze full of love, and adoration.

It was the perfect moment, and what had started as an animal need to stake my claim, had turned into something far more significant. I wanted her in every way, all ways, always, the same way she wanted me. The need to own her had passed, my insecurity assuaged by our lovemaking, replaced by a need to worship her, to show her how much I loved her, in the same way I had just demonstrated my unending need of her.

"I love you, my Bella," I whispered, as I shifted my weight off of her. We both groaned as I withdrew from her body, and moved to lay on my side, beside her.

"I love you too, baby. Always." She snuggled into me, and as she buried her face in my neck I ran my tongue over her throat, tasting her salty skin, and smelling myself on her.

"Always."

She began to suck on my neck hard, and I could feel myself becoming aroused again already by the sensation. Suddenly I felt her teeth, and she bit me firmly as she continued to suck.

"Hmmm," I could feel goose-bumps springing up on my skin as her teeth sank into me, and I ran my hand down to cup her breast quickly.

"I thought you were going to do that again and again, Edward…" she mumbled into my neck after she pulled away from what I did not doubt must now be an enormous hickey. Her breath felt cool on my wet skin, and my hand began to slide further down her body at the encouragement.

"Give me a minute, love," I replied, as a smile sprang up on her face, only to vanish as the alarm clock began to blare objectionably.

"Ignore it," I muttered, shaking my head as my hand reached its goal, but Bella caught it quickly with one hand, as she switched off the alarm clock with the other.

"Uh-uh. We have to go to school." She pulled my hand up over the comforter and put it down harmlessly on top, patting it twice as she let go. "_I_ haven't been before, you know; I need to graduate to be able to follow your brainy ass wherever it is you end up going next year."

I moved my hand back under the comforter, and began to investigate again, as Bella tried to twist away from me, laughing.

"No you don't. I have enough money already. Let's not ever go to school again, and just spend the rest of our lives doing this." My hand caught hold of her breast again, and I pinched her nipple softly, making her moan. I caught her as she tried to wriggle out of bed, and pulled her to me in another blazing kiss. I was hard again, and more than happy to fulfill my promise from earlier.

"You'd get bored, Edward. Anyway, you have Baseball practice…" she said when she pulled away from me, but something in her tone interested me, and when I looked into her eyes, I saw a strange expression; lust-filled, but as if she was imagining something.

"Baseball practice… do you enjoy that Bella?" I ground out, my voice rough again with want.

"Oh yeah," she replied, nodding as she eyed my naked chest.

I caught her hand, and pulled it down and rested it on my now throbbing erection. She immediately squeezed me, and began to stroke me again.

"Do you like the uniform maybe…" she nodded and rubbed me faster, and I moaned as my sensitive flesh began to throb harder.

"I like you sweaty," she said, staring into my eyes as she continued to rub me. My hips were reacting to her, moving me involuntarily in her hand.

"We can arrange that…" I rolled her over again quickly, and pressed down on top of her, pinning her to the bed beneath me. I spread her knees with my hands, and without warning her thrust my length into her again, and began working on that sweat.

As we had agreed, we only took my BMW to school that morning, and I had to drive like a lunatic to make it in before first period, even for me.

It wasn't until I got to school though that it hit me; Alice wouldn't be here today.

I had spent far too many of the last eighty-seven years attending High School, completing an endless loop, to enable my family to stay in one place for a period of time, until the time came to move on again. But ever since Alice had joined us, I could count on one hand the number of times I had gone to High School without her.

I walked through my morning classes knowing that she was gone, but feeling sure in myself that she must actually be here somewhere. How could she not be?

It wasn't until I sat down at our lunch table, the one we shared with Angela and Ben, as well as some of our other less palatable contemporaries, that I really believed that she wasn't here. Her seat was empty when I sat down, and I knew that her class had let out already, as beside me sat my beautiful Bella.

"She's not here. She's not been in any of my classes," Bella whispered into my ear as I sat down, and her confirmation couldn't help but make my heart sink a little lower. Of course she hadn't been in English either, earlier this morning, but I had somehow managed to avoid looking at her empty seat for the entire hour.

"I didn't expect her to be here, she'll be with Jasper, in Denali." I could hear the sadness in my own voice, and I tried to make myself cheer up. After all, I could have gone with Alice, in which case I would also currently be in Denali, without Bella.

"Expecting and seeing are two different things, I'm sorry Edward." She began to run her hand up and down the small of my back in a comforting motion, and I allowed her to comfort me. The absence of my sister was a pretty big deal as far as I was concerned.

"Hey, Edward. What are you doing here?" Jessica suddenly interrupted us, and I jerked my head towards her in surprise.

"Having lunch?" I replied, and cursed the fact that I didn't hang on for a second while I thought of a better line to reply with. Jessica brought out the smart ass in me usually, but today I just wasn't on my game.

_If I told you I'd have to kill you._

_Planning the perfect murder._

_Laying an egg._

_Shit, I'm turning into Emmett!_

"No, I know, I just heard from my Mom, that the Cullens all left town yesterday, some big family emergency. So why are you still here?" She appeared to be asking nonchalantly, but her mind was abuzz with gossip, and she was desperate to have the inside scoop.

"I chose to stay here, so I can complete senior year without having to settle into a new school," I replied, but I could hear from her thoughts that my story was being taken with a pinch of salt.

"Uh, huh. So, where are you staying? Have they set you up somewhere nice?" vocally, Jessica was doing a good job of concealing her interest, but her thoughts were full of why she was asking.

…_it was definitely his car outside Chief Swan's house… she said it was there all night… sure they only have two bedrooms…_

"Edward is staying with us for a while," Bella replied for me, her tone completely relaxed. "He's been with us since before schools started actually." She shrugged nonchalantly as she tucked back into her sandwich, but I was suddenly accosted by a barrage of thoughts from around the table.

_... at the Chief's house…?_

… _NO WAY...! _

…_How long do I have to sit here until I can leave without being obvious…_

…_Lucky bastard…_

…_I thought Bella looked cheerful…_

Though I usually had to make an effort to read human minds these days, I was in such close proximity to everyone around our table as their thoughts suddenly all concentrated on me, I couldn't help but let the noise in. Having become used to the peace of not having my mind invaded over the last few weeks, the sudden intrusion was painful and disorienting.

I stood quickly, my seat scraped against the floor loudly as I did, and Bella looked up at me in surprise.

"I have to go," I croaked, feeling deafened, though no one around the table had spoken a word since Bella had admitted my current situation. I turned, and virtually ran out of the cafeteria, not stopping until I was outside.

There was a waist height wall, just outside the cafeteria doors, holding back a rather bare flower bed, which I sat down on. My mind was my own again, and the students passing me didn't give me a second look, as I waited for Bella to follow me as I knew she would.

A minute later she appeared through the doors, carrying my bag as well as her own, and looking from side to side quickly as she walked towards me.

"Are you ok?" she asked, as she dropped my bag at my feet. She sat down beside me, and gave me a small smile.

"Yeah, I could just suddenly hear everyone, all at once. It was deafening." I shook my head. I wondered how on earth I had ever coped with that day in day out for the last eighty-seven years.

"I thought you had to try to hear now…?" Bella frowned at me slightly, and I couldn't help but smile at her confused expression.

"I do usually, but the reaction you just got when you told everyone that I now lived with you… it was pretty invasive, and all directed at me."

"Oh, sorry. I just didn't realize it wasn't already common knowledge. It's not like we've been hiding it," she replied, suddenly looking guilty for some reason.

"No, no, you're right, everyone was just surprised." I looked down and realized that Bella was clutching what remained of both of our lunches in her hands. "Do you want to go and finish our lunch in the car? I'm not sure I can face inside again right now." It was raining quite hard, and I didn't really want to try and find a classroom to eat in.

"Do you trust me not to leave crumbs?" she asked me, with a smirk.

"No. I'll just make sure I vacuum the car this evening."

I had thought this was a perfectly reasonable plan, but Bella immediately began to snort with laughter.

"What?" I said, as Bella began to laugh harder. "Then you don't have to worry about crumbs, as you know I'll clean them up."

"Edward, you've lived with me for a month, and I wasn't even aware that you knew how to use a vacuum cleaner, and now you tell me you plan to vacuum your car? I'm not sure if I should be laughing or yelling, so be glad I chose laughing." Bella continued to snort as we got up and walked towards the car.

"So, is that your way of telling me that I don't help out around the house enough?" I asked as we got into the car. Bella spent a moment arranging her lunch in her lap, before she replied.

"Not deliberately, but maybe a bit," she said, in answer to my question, before she paused again for a moment, pouting slightly. "I mean, it's almost as if we've been camping out for the last few weeks. I almost feel as if we've been viewing you being human as a holiday, or something that could be taken away at any moment…"

"But I'm still here," I said, and smiled, as she smiled back at me.

"That you are. I don't know, I suppose with your family gone, it's time for us to just… get on with living? Do you understand what I mean?"

"I think I do." I put one hand out, and rested it on her thigh, as I began to eat again. "Does that mean I have to start doing the hoovering?"

She rolled her eyes at me, and continued to eat without replying. I took that as a no, but I made a mental note to make sure I started to make more of a contribution to the work Bella did at home.

"It's just us now," she said after we had both been eating quietly for a few minutes.

"It is," I replied.

"Are you…" she began, before she hesitated for a moment. I squeezed her thigh in encouragement, curious about the suddenly nervous look in her eyes. "Are you ok with that?"

"Bella, it's everything I have ever wanted." I couldn't restrain the grin that broke across my features. My family were not dead to me, they would return in time, meanwhile I had everything I needed right here.

"Me too," she replied quietly, a small blush crossing her cheeks as our eyes locked on each other.

I dropped my sandwich in my lap, and leant across to her, catching her chin with my fingers. We gazed at each other for a moment, and I breathed in her scent as she breathed me in, in response, before I leant in and touched my lips to hers gently.

We kissed softly for several minutes, neither of us deepening the kiss, but neither of us pulling away. The kiss reminded me of before my change, chaste yet intimate, full of love, only without the yearning I had so often suffered through before. It was also full of comfort, though she would never press me, Bella was more than aware of how I suffered for my family's absence. Though truth be told, the pain was muted, overwhelmed by the joy I felt otherwise, because though my family might be gone, but I knew that my home was right here in my arms, where she belonged.

In the back of my mind, the part of me that couldn't help but worry still knew the many dangers we could face tomorrow. But for today, we simply lived.

**A/N – Hello! Sorry, it's been a bit longer than usual; I think I irritated my Muse with 22,000 words in a week last time… lol.**

**As always - thank you so much to everyone who reviews, I love to hear from you all, and it truly makes this so much fun for me! I hope you all liked caveward today, he's been a bit stressed recently….**

**A couple of weeks ago I posted a one shot, that was actually part of a two shot with my chum venomaddict, for an April Fool's Day challenge, it's called "Emmett's Revenge". If you've not read it, and fancy a giggle, go and have a peek, it's complete stupidity on my part, but it amused me one evening. If you felt extra enthused, you could even go and read the other challenge entries on venomaddict's site, and vote. But mine's obviously the best…. Lol.**

**I have to confess, the other reason this was late was I've got totally sucked into Emancipation Proclamation (having been putting it off because it's so huge), so that has to be my rec for this week. This is one of the stories that has been removed from ff due to violation, and is now on the following blog:**

www(dot)kharizzmatik-ep(dot)blogspot(dot)com/

**It is brilliant, but don't expect to finish it quickly, I haven't got up to date yet...**

**Hopefully next update will be more like the usual week or so. **

**Til next time,**

**Ria**


	28. Past and Present

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight!

Thanks go as ever to my beta venomaddict, for making sure I keep the comma fairy happy….

**Edward**

It was still dark as I crept out of the house, though I could see a red glow beginning to the east, which told me that dawn couldn't be far off. I walked to my car and got in quickly, and before I could change my mind I started the engine and pulled away, hoping all the while that I had not woken Bella as I departed.

It was Saturday morning, and Bella was still sound asleep, after having taken advantage of me, repeatedly, the night before. It appears that my girl has some kind of baseball/sweaty man fetish.

_Which works for me._

I too had slept soundly at first last night, until I had been disturbed by a nightmare at around three in the morning.

The nightmares that had plagued my early days of my new humanity were becoming less and less frequent. They had reduced from happening several times a night, to little more than two or three times a week now, which was a relief for both myself and Bella. She still never failed to wake and comfort me, every time I awoke sweating or in tears, but I had been able to tell that the constant broken nights had begun to wear her down.

Last night was no exception, and Bella had roused me from my nightmare; when I awoke I found myself sitting up in bed already with my head in my hands. She held me and hushed me as I calmed down, but all too soon she was asleep again, while I remained awake, considering what my dream had meant.

I had been in the forest with Bella; it was dark, and we were not alone. I could hear the thoughts of my brothers and sisters around us, but to my dismay they had been panicked and centered on Bella and myself.

I was running, dragging her with me as we moved, and though I wasn't sure if we were fleeing or pursuing, I knew that both our lives were in danger. I heard Alice's voice from my right, at the same time as I felt an impact on my left, as Bella's hand was ripped from mine.

The unpleasantly realistic nightmare had disturbed me more than others had recently, purely due to the intensity of it. I had been able to smell the damp forest around us, I could feel the twigs snapping under my shoes as we ran, and I could feel my heart racing in my chest as I gasped for air over the massive exertion I was forcing on my body.

I lay for some time in the dark, with Bella wound around my body, but my mind refused to return to the unpredictability of sleep. Instead it preferred to dwell on my dream, and in turn wonder where my family was now. They had never been present in my nightmares before, and I supposed to myself that the reason they were now was the very fact that they appeared to have left me.

I had spent a couple of hours lying awake, fretting about what was happening, until I had come to the conclusion that I simply couldn't just lie there anymore.

That was how I found myself driving through Forks at the break of dawn on that damp and cold Saturday morning. The town was deserted as I headed away from it; I pressed harder on the accelerator as I left the town limits, and sped away from town.

Minutes later, I pulled up outside the garage to one side of what could now only be described as my former home. Once I had switched off the engine, I sat back and opened my mind, and there was not a trace of any thoughts to be found in or around the house.

_Of course, that could still mean Emmett was around somewhere…_

I stepped out of the car, and walked over to the garage. I tried the door, and found it was locked, so I stretched up to peer in the side window. It took me a moment to focus in the darkness inside, but once I did, I was disturbed to find that the only car within it was my Aston Martin. There was no trace of Carlisle's Mercedes, Rosalie's BMW or even Emmett's Jeep, but even more worrying; it looked like most of Rose's tools were gone from their places on the wall.

_Not good._

Steeling my nerves somewhat, I turned towards the house, before I hesitated.

I needed to know what was happening with my family, that fact was beyond question. Not knowing if they were still here, or if they had gone, or where the hell they were for that matter, was simply not acceptable to me. I needed to know where they were, how they were, and this was the only place that I could think of where I might be able to find that out.

Still, my body railed against my decision, dumping adrenaline into my system as it urged me to flee. I tried to talk myself into believing that my fear was unwarranted, after all, this was my former home, and there was nothing for miles around but deer and trees, it seemed. Whatever I said to myself though, I couldn't erase the thought from my mind that I was alone in the forest, and I didn't know what else was out there.

_Have you ever even watched a horror film Cullen?_

_This is the point at which everyone in the cinema is yelling at the stupid kid to turn around and go home, instead of wandering aimlessly to their imminent and gory end._

I ignored, as far as I could, my entirely unwarranted panic attack as I walked towards the front door. I still had my key, and I let myself in. I was reasonably sure that there was no one in the immediate area, what with the complete lack of mental signatures coming from around me; though while that partly eased my worries, it also escalated them.

As I stepped through the door I couldn't bite back the loud gasp that escaped my lips. I stepped into the large open plan living room, and turned around slowly, taking in the shocking sight that greeted me.

The room was as it had always been, but now every large piece of furniture was covered in a white dust sheet, lending the room a cold and deserted air. The large metal shutter was down over the glass wall at the back of the house, making it even darker than it should have been for this time of the morning, and the small knick knacks that should have been scattered around were distinctly missing. There were no books on the staircase, where Alice had an annoying habit of leaving them; there was no fragrance of fresh flowers to brighten the dull atmosphere.

It was as if nobody lived there anymore at all.

_They're really gone._

I suddenly felt rather unsteady on my feet, and I quickly walked towards my piano and virtually fell down onto the cloth covered stool in front of it. Despite the fact that I had seen some of them leave, despite the fact that I had _urged _them to go, I couldn't believe that they had really gone. They had even shut the house up; they really weren't coming back.

_I didn't even say goodbye to Esme._

That final thought was enough to push me over the edge, and I began fumbling in my pocket, searching for my cell phone. Moments later I was holding it to my ear, as I listened to Alice's voicemail message.

"_I'm not here, wherever here may be. Leave me a message, and I'll call you back. I'm almost certain."_

"Alice, it's me. Edward. The house is shut up. I just wanted… um…" What exactly was it that I did want? I wasn't even sure. "… call me."

I pressed the disconnect button, and sat and watched the screen, waiting for Alice to call me back. She would have undoubtedly seen me calling her, and I knew that she would be returning my call at any second.

After a couple of minutes I realized that Alice was clearly otherwise occupied for now, so while I waited I decided to do the other pressing task that awaited me in my old home. I jammed my phone into my pocket and headed upstairs, towards my room.

I stopped as I walked in, surprised to realize that I hadn't actually stepped foot inside my room since I had become human. This was the only room in the house which was not covered in dust sheets, as if my family had known that I would be returning shortly. Everything was mostly as I remembered it, apart from where items had obviously been removed for me by Alice or Esme over the last month. It struck me suddenly that there was no bed in the room, which sounds bizarre as there had never been a bed in any bedroom of mine until a month ago, but now I recognised why Bella had found that fact so strange. The room just felt wrong without one.

My closet door was slightly open, and without thinking I moved towards it to close it, grumbling aloud about untidy people in my room, but I stopped short as I caught sight of the empty rails inside. Alice had sent most of my clothes to me on my first day at Bella's house, and all that remained now were special items that I hadn't worn in years, decades many of them, but had not wanted to throw out.

There was a suit that I had owned since the twenties hanging in a clear plastic clothes bag on the right. It was classic style, and I had never ceased to be amazed that the design had remained in fashion for so long; I could put it on today and not look out of place in the world. I hadn't worn it in years, the call for a seventeen year old to wear a business suit very rare in the current day and age, but I couldn't bring myself to dispose of it. It almost felt like part of me.

There was a T-shirt I bought at a Rolling Stones concert in 1972, which was undoubtedly a collector's item by now. It was the only time I had ever seen the Rolling Stones live, as stadiums full of hot, pulsating young blood were never the most comfortable places for any of us to be, but I remembered the day as if it had been yesterday. Emmett and Jasper had had matching shirts at the time, though both Alice and Rosalie had turned their noses up at the very idea of wearing something quite so un-designer.

I touched the cloth of the shirt, softened by age and use, and smiled a little to myself. My fascination with music had remained undimmed throughout my life, and I had similar souvenirs from dozens of concerts, from The Beatles, Pink Floyd, and The Doors to Pearl Jam, Nirvana and Aerosmith. They were lined up together in my closet, like a musical history of my existence.

To the left of the wardrobe I spotted the black leather biker jacket that Alice had bought for me in 1953, just a few years after she and Jasper had joined us. Alice had spent her first decade with us trying to 'help' me to find a mate, and she had assured me that the leather jacket would have women flocking around me like flies. At the time I never wore it once, however often Alice told me how very Marlon Brando it was, as the very idea of attracting yet more girls to bother me seemed repellent.

I pulled the jacket out of the wardrobe and tried it on, admiring myself in the mirror for a few moments. I hated to admit it, but actually, it did look quite good on.

_The word is hot, Edward, and I think Bella might like it._

_Thank you, Alice._

I grinned as I wondered if, somewhere out there, Alice was being hit by a vision of what I was planning to do in this very jacket not too far into the future. I couldn't hold back the chuckle as I pictured the face I knew that she would be pulling, as despite her interest in my love life, she did not seem to enjoy being party to it via her visions - _at all_. As I thought of Alice I wondered why she hadn't called me back yet, but I dismissed the thought as I went back to looking through my closet.

I put my hand up to feel along the top shelf of the closet, and grinned as I pulled down the baseball that I had known would be there. The ball was old, but in the same perfect condition it had been on the day that I had asked Babe Ruth to sign it in 1935. Emmett had begged me to go, as it was only months after he had been changed and he was still not able to go anywhere near humans yet, and the Bambino was about to retire. As Emmett was the one who had talked me into going, he thought that the ball would be his, but I felt that as I had spent hours queuing, and dodging security, it was mine. We had argued for years over who actually owned the ball, neither of us ever being able to simply share such a prized item. In the end I had won it in a contest, something that to this day that he never let me forget, as he insists that I cheated.

~oOo~

_Milwaukee – August 7__th__ 2000_

"_So we're agreed?" Emmett said, as I nodded. I could hear Jasper and Carlisle's thoughts as they tried to control their urge to laugh at the ridiculous bet that Emmett had concocted to finally win my Babe Ruth baseball._

"_Whoever wins, keeps the ball, no more discussion, no more bitching like a little girl," I replied, as Emmett growled in a low rumble._

"_As long as we're not bitching like little girls, maybe we can stop sulking like them too?" he said, with a scowl._

"_Fine," I agreed, with a matching scowl._

"_Now, now, play nice boys," said Jasper, and I could feel him working his calming influence over both of us suddenly._

"_Don't work your mojo shit on me Jazz, I need to be riled up if I'm going to beat this little pussy today," Emmett snapped, and I felt Jasper ease up quickly. "Ok, Eddie, the only rule is - there are no rules!"_

"_Oooh, scary Emmett," I replied, my voice dripping with sarcasm. "I thought that it would be that we don't talk about Fight Club?"_

_Emmett's new favorite movie had been featuring in his speech daily of late, and if I had to hear that we 'don't talk about Fight Club' one more time, I thought I was going to scream._

"_That would be an entirely different contest Edward, one that you would have no hope of winning, at all." He grinned winningly as we both pulled up our seats._

"_I might prefer that to this one, Emmett, I mean fuck, have you been watching too much Jackass or something?" I looked down in front of me at the enormous pile of pies, and wrinkled my nose in disgust._

_We were sitting around the dining table at our current house in Milwaukee, Emmett and I beside each other on one side, Carlisle and Jasper observing us on the other. Esme, Rosalie and Alice had refused to take part in what they all agreed was an entirely revolting idea, and had left us for the day to go shopping._

_I had to agree with their thoughts entirely, but there seemed to be no avoiding it on my part. Emmett had been trying to think of a contest or race that we could have between us, that neither of us would have any unfair advantage in, for the best part of a decade, and he had finally concluded that this option was the best. I had agreed; purely because I could read in his thoughts that his approach was going to make it an easy win for me._

_This morning I had been given the task of choosing the food we would eat in competition with each other, and I had chosen to buy a large number of pastry pies from a large local bakers. The pastry case meant they all looked the same, though the fillings were quite diverse. Although they all smelled different, they all smelled equally revolting, so I knew that Emmett wouldn't realize that I had done my best to give myself a slight advantage._

"_No, it was some show on freaky things people do, you know, idiot humans with nothing better to do with themselves. Anyway, they have eating contests, like this, only they eat to the clock, whereas we're going to eat until the first one of us is sick." He grinned, but inside I grinned a little wider. I knew something that he didn't._

"_This has to be the most disgusting idea you've ever had I think, Emmett," Jasper drawled as he eyed the pile of pies in front of us. "I mean really, a human food eating contest? This cannot end well."_

_Emmett simply shrugged as he pulled his chair in closer to the table._

"_They can't actually do themselves any harm…" Carlisle replied to Jasper, as they exchanged amused glances._

"_Come on Eddie-boy, let's get on with it." Emmett's enthusiasm to start eating the vile food in front of us was going to be his undoing, so I simply nodded, and picked up the knife and fork in front of me. The cutlery felt alien in my hands, but I prepared myself to eat at least some of the pies in front of me, in the same way as a human would._

"_Ready, Steady, Go!" Emmett yelled, as I wondered at what point we had become six year olds having a race in the schoolyard. Immediately, he began to force pie after pie down his throat, as I watched on in disgust._

_Far more slowly I began to eat the raw meat pies in front of me, still disgusting, though far more palatable than the fruit and chocolate pies in front of Emmett. If Emmett learns anything from this incident, it should be not to trust his enemy, in whatever capacity that may be._

_Emmett ate with gusto, and as he raced to beat me, he didn't notice that my approach to the contest was somewhat different to his._

_It was all over very quickly, within a couple of minutes, Emmett had eaten over a dozen fruit pies, and two chocolate ones, and he was already leaning over beside a tree just outside the back door. Although I felt nauseous as well, I was able to sit and wait for his return a few moments later._

_After a minute filled with the most revolting sounds I had ever heard, Emmett returned and sat down beside me again, as I finally put down my knife and fork._

"_Ok Dude, you officially rock. How come you're not puking your guts up? How many of these pieces of crap did you eat?" His eyes suddenly rolled a little, and he belched. "I don't know how you're just sitting there man, I feel like shit." He suddenly clutched his stomach again, and made for the back door at full speed. I exchanged glances with Carlisle and Jasper as a smirk crept across my face, and Emmett began to throw up again._

_Emmett returned a couple of minutes later, and though he wasn't green, he looked as close to it as a vampire can get._

"_Ok, I managed fourteen pies, before I had to throw up everything I've eaten since prohibition. Whoa. I think I might have just messed up Esme's flower beds a bit…" Emmett pulled a face and glanced out of the window, before he looked back at me. "So, how many dude, how come you're not outside upchucking with me?"_

_I looked down at the partially eaten pie in front of me, maybe a quarter of it was gone, but no more than that. _

"_I have eaten, a quarter of a pie," I replied, a wicked smile crossing my face; I knew that he would _not_ be happy with this reply._

"_WHAT?" He yelled, as he stood up from the table, a little shakily. "No fair, you little fucker! You don't win then. You have to eat enough that it feels horrible… Hey, that means I win!" A grin crossed his face for a moment, but it quickly started to fade as both Carlisle and Jasper began to shake their heads._

"_First rule of fight club, Emmett… There are no rules," said Jasper, with a smirk._

"_Well… shit dude, that's not fair. You've not eaten anything!" he yelled, while I began to chuckle._

"_All you said was that we ate until the other was sick, you could have done the same as me, couldn't he Carlisle?" Carlisle grinned as my eyes moved to his._

"_That _is_ all you said Emmett," Carlisle said, as he nodded in agreement. "No one ever said that you had to eat as fast as possible."_

"_Well… you… YOU CHEATER, Edward Cullen!" Emmett snarled, before he turned his back on me and stomped off in disgust._

_As he went I felt my own stomach lurch, and I had to make my own hasty visit to Esme's flowerbeds. To say that she was unhappy when she returned home would have been an understatement._

~oOo~

I tossed the baseball into the air once, before I returned it to its spot on the shelf. We had managed to argue about that ball for over half a century, but now I supposed that eventually it would return to Emmett after all. I shook my head and chuckled as I remembered the fact that he had refused to talk to me for nearly a month after that, insisting that I was a 'cheating little bastard', if my memory served me correctly.

I had never had a brother in life, but had been gifted with two as a vampire, along with two sisters. Whatever way I looked at it, I missed them, and I wasn't ready to let them go.

I rummaged through my belongings for a few more minutes, amazed by the amount of things that I had collected over the years. Items of clothing, hats, shoes, books, but I paused for a minute when I found a box full of items that I had collected during the Second World War.

Obviously I had not been able to fight in any of the wars I had witnessed during my existence; it would have been impossible to keep the secret and do what was required of me. We had all been forced to keep an additionally low profile during various drafts over the years, from the Second World War to Vietnam, leading to some very creative accounting on both mine and Japer's parts with our personal documentation, at one time or another.

Despite that fact, my personal interest in the glory of battle had never faded.

_Until now,_ I mused to myself quietly.

With nothing else in my life to tie me to home, I had longed to be able to fight during the Second World War, having missed my opportunity during the first.

This had led to many long and protracted arguments with Carlisle, as I struggled to find a way to do what I saw as my duty for my country, without betraying the secrets my kind were bound to keep.

~oOo~

_New York City – April 1942_

"_Edward, I don't understand why we keep having the same argument about this," Carlisle yelled at me, his frustration at my stubbornness boiling over._

"_We don't, you are having the argument; I am simply packing." I scowled as I continued to fill a small leather case with belongings. The sky was grey and cloudy today, and I intended to go and sign up to do my bit for the war effort, Carlisle's opinion be damned._

"_And what if they send you to the Pacific, son? You can't hide inside all day if you have orders to carry out. You will be exposed within the week. You are being RIDICULOUS!" He reached out and snatched my case from me, throwing it against the wall on the other side of the room. There was a crack as it bounced off of the wall, and plaster dust started to drift down from where it had struck._

_We stood in silence looking at each other for several seconds, the only audible sounds the traffic from the street below, but Carlisle's thoughts were raging at me in fear as he stood and begged me to forget the idea of going to war. _

_We were staying in an old apartment block in Greenwich Village, built before the turn of the century, which was unusual in the growing city that was New York in the nineteen-forties. Rosalie and Emmett were still living out their honeymoon somewhere to the west of us, as Emmett struggled to gain his control around human blood. This left just me, Carlisle and Esme living together for now. We were staying in the village because Carlisle thought that the music scene in the area might provide me with a distraction, but whatever I did, I felt like an intruder in my own home. _

_Both of them tried their best to include me, but they themselves had still only been together for a few years, and their happiness only highlighted my own misery._

_The war was changing all aspects of the lives the people around us lived, meaning the simple distractions I had relied upon previously were becoming fewer and further between, leaving me days, or weeks, to do little but be alone._

_The war seemed like the ultimate distraction to me, though Carlisle was sure that I would be forced to expose myself almost immediately. Nevertheless, I felt certain that I could talk myself into a role which would allow me to stay inside for the most part._

_I had researched the matter extensively, and I knew for a fact that bombing missions were only ever carried out at night. With my superior reflexes, I believed that I would make an ideal fighter pilot. If not, there were many positions available in submarines, again, which would allow me to stay away from the day as much as possible. Also, the war was in Europe, which as I recalled didn't see so much sunlight in the North as to be a big issue anyway._

"_Very well," I sighed. "I will stay for now Carlisle." I turned my back on him slightly; my intention to stay was only until the dust had settled. My mind was still full of plans which I had no intention at all of giving up on._

"_Do you mean it? Do I have to continue to follow your every move to ensure you don't do anything foolish?"_

_I couldn't meet his eyes, I was ashamed to be disobeying him so fully, but I still intended to carry out my plans._

"_Edward," he continued, as I refused to turn to him. "Trying to do this, it would be suicide. You would be exposed. Would you risk all of us as well?"_

"_I will use a different name; there would be no link to you." I turned to him and snorted. "Do you really think that I would put you all at any kind of risk?"_

_Carlisle didn't reply, but as he turned from me and left the room I could hear the sadness in his thoughts, and the promise to me that he would not be letting me out of his sight while I was still set upon what he saw as stupidity._

_My mind remained made up however. I was sure I could work out a way to serve without risking exposure, but if I didn't… Weren't thousands of men around the world risking their lives every day anyway? What made mine any different?_

~oOo~

Eventually I had seen sense, and relinquished my hope to ever fight with our forces in Europe, but that had not prevented me from being an avid observer of the war. I had been resentful of Carlisle's intervention at the time, but I had come to understand that it was only his love for me that had made him fight to stop me from going. I was sure that many human parents would have done the same for their children, if they had been so able.

Inside the box buried deep at the back of my wardrobe, I found newspapers from the time, along with the army uniform I had obtained while I was still determined to fight, and many other knick knacks. I had spent hours, if not days pouring over the contents of this box, regretting the course my life had taken. Despising what I had become.

I picked up the top newspaper, the headline declaring that the war was finally over with Japan, but I tossed it back into the box with an amused snort almost immediately. This had all seemed so important to me once, but now I was wondering what to do with it. Everything in my life before now seemed pointless, almost as if I had been on pause, waiting for the day that I would meet Bella.

I put the top back on the box, and shoved it into its place in the back of the wardrobe. I decided to see if the small museum attached to the local library in Port Angeles would be interested in the contents of it, some of which would surely be pure gold to an avid war enthusiast. It had been to me.

While I pushed the box back into the wardrobe, I took a look at the other things buried back there, and I decided that it was really time for a clear out. These were the belongings of an old man, reminders and mementos of the life he had already lived, not those of a seventeen year old boy with his life still ahead of him.

I stepped back and shut the door, before I turned to examine the rest of my room. I knew that a large chunk of my music collection had already made it over to Bella's; Alice had been bringing me CDs almost daily as I thought of them, but I was surprised by how much of it still lined the walls. I spotted the gaps that Alice had made, and frowned slightly when I saw that many of my precious CDs were now out of order.

_Not thinking about it…_

_Who are you kidding Cullen?_

Unable to stop myself, I spent the next fifteen minutes rearranging my music back into the appropriate order. It seemed that Alice had not always been able to find my requested CDs easily, and many had been removed from the shelf, only to be put back into the wrong place. I silently thanked God that she'd had no reason to touch any of my vinyl, as that might really have made me lose my shit.

I tried to remember that she had been doing something nice for me as I tidied them up, but I couldn't help the bad tempered rumble that came from my throat every time I found something particularly ridiculous.

_Michael Nyman next to Billie Holiday, Alice? Really?_

Once I had finished that, and sorted out another pile of CDs to take home with me a little later, I turned to my books on the other wall. Most of my collection was of little to no value, the first editions all kept together in the library downstairs, but I wasn't really terribly interested in them at the moment anyway.

To the right of my bookshelf, there was row upon row of my journals, covering my entire life up until about a month ago. As I looked at them, I realized that I hadn't even considered writing my journal for the last month, something which I had hardly been able to stop myself from doing, almost compulsively, for the last eighty-seven years. Virtually every thought I had had in that time was documented here, from memory I knew that there were one-hundred and thirty-four leather bound journals, and I also knew from memory that only the most recent two of them probably contained anything that I would ever wish to read again.

I lifted a book from the shelf at random out of curiosity. My vampire memory was long gone; just a few weeks ago I would have remembered every word I had written in this book, now it was almost as if someone else had written it. To be honest, in a way that was probably close to the truth.

~oOo~

_Ontario – September 3__rd__ 1968_

_Yet another endless day. Senior year of High School begins with the same fanfare it always does, though for me it feels more like a funeral march._

_The attentions of Susan Jessop are bewildering me once again; her internal fantasies are both disturbing and off-putting. To see such thoughts in a young lady's mind cause me to feel as if I am living out of time, the nineteen-sixties have brought debauchery to a nation._

_I am of course filling in the required application forms for college again, and I am torn between taking a fine art course this time, or repeating my medical degree. Carlisle would prefer the latter, as the speed with which medical science is moving on is alarming, and he feels that if I don't go soon, he may have to do so himself. I have no urge to do so already, it has been only fifteen years since I last attended…_

~oOo~

I snapped the book shut, surprised by how dull and grumpy my writing was. I knew that I had been disillusioned for many years, but while I wrote these journals I had thought myself to be documenting the times for another era.

_Instead, it seems I was simply writing a century's worth of teenage angst._

Refusing to believe that everything was as dull as my first dip into my history, I sought out another book, searching for a more relevant date in history, for which I was a spectator.

~oOo~

_Chicago – October 25__th__ 1962 _

_The crisis in Cuba continues, though I find myself almost wishing that something would come of it, simply to relieve my interminable boredom…_

~oOo~

I snapped the book closed again in horror, and tossed it back onto the shelf. Was I really that self absorbed that I had hoped we would go to war, because I was _bored_?

I picked up several other journals, and flicked through each of them, finding thousands upon thousands of words, all bemoaning my existence.

_Well, no wonder my family have left me, they're probably glad to see the back of me!_

With no more ado, I lifted my final two journals from the shelf, and added them to the pile of CDs that I had already put aside to take home. These books documented the last six months of my existence, the time my life had really begun, and they were the only ones I ever wished to see again. I knew that they would contain some of the misery I felt as I pondered how to do the best thing for Bella, but they also included the first real joy I had felt in decades. I didn't want to forget that.

I turned my back on the rest of the tomes that I had filled with my existence, and made a mental note to never open them again. The person who had written them was gone, thank God, and I really had no wish to hear him bitch anymore.

As I stepped away from the shelves, I paused to consider whether I should actually burn my journals; partly to be finally rid of them, but also to destroy the evidence of my existence as a vampire. The chances of them ever falling into the wrong hands seemed slight, but I thought that maybe it was better to be safe than sorry. I shook my head and decided to think about it again another day, they weren't going anywhere for now, after all.

Finally I turned and walked towards my dresser, close to my leather couch, to retrieve what I had initially come upstairs to find. In the top drawer I found a carved wooden box, which contained my most precious belongings. Up until a week or so ago, it had contained the diamond that Bella now wore on the new, platinum, Tiffany chain around her neck, as well as various other mementos of the two most important women in my life.

I took the box, and carried it over to my couch, running my hand over the carving across the lid as I did. The box was precious in itself, in that it had belonged to my Mother during my human life. Looking at the intricately carved flowers, and inlaid Mother of Pearl in the lid, I could remember where it sat on her dressing table. For many years that had been a memory that had made me feel sad, even angry, but today I smiled when I thought of her. I often wondered what she would have thought of Bella; I was certain that she would have liked her, but I was my Mother's only child, and I had known at the time that she could be possessive of me.

Once I'd sat down, I opened the box, and began to search through the contents. There was the lemonade cap from my first meal with Bella. The ticket stubs from a movie we had seen together during the summer and the receipt from a meal that I took her to in the Space Needle in Seattle.

I pulled out a lock of her hair, and recalled how I had painstakingly collected it from stray strands that had attached themselves to me or her over the last few months.

_Ok... Even I can see that's a bit creepy._

But still, it had been part of her, so I tucked it back into the box where I found it, making a mental note to make sure Bella never got to see it.

Buried deeper in the box were things of my Mother's. There was a letter she wrote me the last term I was away at school. The actual words didn't matter, but every part was filled with how much she had loved me and missed me. I sat and read it through once, every word was ingrained in my mind, I even knew the precise location of each of the small ink splodges on the page, something which was only to be expected from using a fountain pen in those days.

I folded it carefully and put it safely back in its envelope, before I tucked it away in the box again. For the first time in my very long existence, my tiny memories of my mother made smile, and I was glad.

Finally I came across what I was searching for; buried in a tiny jewelry box at the bottom of the box was my Mother's Engagement ring. I took it out and slipped it onto my little finger, but even then it couldn't go over my second knuckle. I had kept this ring safe for eighty-seven years, and now I knew why. There could be no other ring for Bella, tying my old human life to my new one in the most perfect way.

The ring was delicate and pretty, with rows of small diamonds in a gold setting. It wasn't modern in any sense of the word, but then, neither was I. I hoped desperately that Bella would like it; if she didn't I would buy her whatever she wanted, of course, but I so wanted her to wear my mother's ring.

I looked at it in the now bright daylight, and watched it sparkle as it sat on my finger. I could see that one of the diamonds was slightly loose, and that it was quite dirty, so as I put it back into the tiny box I decided that before Bella ever saw it I would need to take it to a specialist jeweler for restoration. I put the ring box into my pocket, and then closed my Mother's jewelry box. I would take both with me, but I wanted what I now thought of as Bella's ring to be close to me.

I looked up, and from the corner of my eye I spotted something that made me smile.

Stuck to my wall, beside my leather couch there were two tiny photos, torn from a strip of four from a photo booth, taken just a few months ago.

The day after Bella had finally had her cast removed from her broken leg, she had insisted that we go to a fair that was visiting Port Angeles. I had tried to argue that she still needed to rest, but she had insisted, saying that she was bored of sitting around, and wanted to get out of Forks. We hadn't known the fair was on when we left, but when we drove into Port Angeles it was impossible to miss, and Bella had been delighted.

~oOo~

_Port Angeles – May 14__th__ 2005_

"_I feel sick!" Bella giggled as she staggered from the teacups ride. Of course it hadn't affected me at all, but I could tell from the thoughts around me, from the other humans who had been on the ride with us, that Bella was not alone in that sentiment._

"_Maybe we should find somewhere to sit down, Bella. We have been on virtually everything here now."_

"_Ok. I don't think I should have eaten all that cotton candy either." She was still grinning as we walked towards the seats near the pier, and I wasn't sure if she was joking with me about feeling sick or not. _

"_Maybe we should think about going-" I was cut off as Bella squealed and caught my hand, I stopped immediately, to make sure I didn't hurt her as she hung onto me._

"_Look, a photo booth. Come on Edward, you know, I don't think we actually have any photos of us together at all." She looked at me questioningly, and I realized that I had to agree. The idea of having a photograph of Bella with me always, struck me as a very good one._

_The sun was just beginning to set; the dull grey of the cloudy day was beginning to fade into night, but still Bella managed to look radiant. The rides that we had spent the afternoon playing on had left her skin flushed a delicious pink, and the carefree smile she wore was definitely something that deserved to be preserved for eternity._

"_Come on, let's, do it, love," I replied with a smile._

_The photo booth was pressed up against a large building opposite the end of the pier, it was fairly old, but appeared to be working well from the random photographs that were scattered on the floor outside of it. I pulled a handful of change from my pocket when we got there, and pulled the curtain aside, to allow Bella in._

"_No, you too, Edward!" She took my hand and directed me inside; I sat down on the tiny stool, and then with great pleasure wrapped my arm around her as she settled on my lap. "I don't need any more pictures of just me."_

"_I don't think there could ever be too many pictures of you, my love." I gently stroked the back of my knuckles across her cheekbone, as she gazed at me adoringly. I felt her shudder as I touched her, and the position of her sitting in my lap left my entire body feeling as if an electric current was surging through it. "Breathe Bella!"_

_Bella gasped in a breath, and I laughed shakily at her reaction to my touch, though my own reaction was probably even more extreme. Every cell in my body felt like it was on fire with longing for her. My mouth was filled with venom as I fought back the monster, and my hands twitched with the desire to touch her. My hand not around her waist was clutching the stool I was sitting on, and I felt the metal bend under my fingers as I clenched them to fight for control._

"_It's three bucks for four pictures," Bella said, as she began to rummage through her pockets for change._

"_Don't be ridiculous, Bella, allow me." I went to put the change into the machine, only to find her hand covering the slot._

"_But I'm the one who wants them, Edward." She was still fiddling around in her pocket, and I had to restrain a growl of frustration. Why would she never let me do anything for her?_

"_No, I want them Bella. If I pay for them, then they're mine." I eased her hand away from the slot, and fed the change in quickly. She didn't protest anymore, and I was relieved._

_As the four flashes went off, Bella looked at the camera, but I couldn't take my eyes off of her. Being so close to her skin was overwhelming, and I bathed in her scent. By the time the fourth photograph was taken, my nose was buried in her throat, and I could feel her heart reacting to my touch._

"_If… If you get photos of me, then I want some of you. It's only fair," she whispered, my ear was so close to her mouth that I could feel her warm breath against it. Her entire body was trembling in my arms, and the monster roared to be released._

"_All's fair in love and war… especially love," I replied, and, moving only as much as I absolutely had to, I fed another three dollars into the machine._

_This time Bella turned to look at me, and, this time, by the time of the fourth photograph, our lips were touching each other in the gentlest, chastest of kisses. Bella's heart was hammering in her chest, and the wet sound of her pulse left me clinging to my control for dear life. I was in agony and in ecstasy, the monster was battling me fiercely, and unsure of who would eventually win, I tore myself away from the heaven of her lips._

_We both stepped out of the booth a moment later, slightly shaky on our feet. Before I had met Bella I hadn't realized that anything could weaken me, or make me feel unsteady in any way, but she did it to me every time, simply by existing._

_As the machine spat out our two sets of photographs, Bella snatched them up in delight, and put them close to her face to look. She passed one set to me quickly, as she examined the other; they were still tacky from the developing fluid, but they had captured both of us perfectly. The photos in my hand were of Bella gazing into the camera, while I gazed at her, gradually moving closer as the pictures progressed._

_She held up the other set for me to see, without giving them to me._

"_These ones are mine!" she said with a grin, but I knew immediately that I would have to disagree. _

_The first of the photographs started with us gazing at each other, our noses maybe an inch apart. By the next our noses were touching, and the angle of our faces had changed ever so slightly, we had moved towards each other. In the third picture both of us had closed our eyes, and there was the merest sliver of space between our lips. The last picture was of our kiss, and I could feel tremors run through my body as I looked at it. _

"_Bella." I reached over and gently took the photos from her hand as fast as lightning, so she wouldn't have a chance to keep them from me. I waved them gently in the sea breeze to dry them thoroughly for a moment. "Why don't we share them? After all, I did pay for them."_

"_I knew I'd be hearing more about that…" she grumbled, as I carefully tore both sets of photographs in two, leaving four pairs of photos._

"_Hush. Here, before I decide that I can't be parted from any of them." I held out half of each set of photographs to Bella carefully, as I smiled at her in the way that I knew always seemed to get me my own way._

_She smiled as she took them, and tucked them carefully into her wallet. _

"_Now I always have you with me," she said shyly, as she looked up at me through her hair._

"_You will always have me with you, my Bella," I replied, as we turned and began to make our way back to the car._

~oOo~

Even as I had said those words I had known that they weren't the truth, even then I had intended to leave her one day, to release her to live the life that I knew she deserved.

_Little did I know._

I took the photos down from the wall, and took my wallet out of my pocket, to add them to the two that I always carried with me. I looked down at them for a moment, and was struck by how very different I looked. Even ignoring the white skin and red lips, my features were more defined; my jaw more angular, my nose slightly straighter.

The thing that remained the same though was my expression. As I gazed at Bella, joy radiated from me; even then I had no longer been the bitter old man to whom most of the things I had looked at today belonged to. I examined her expression, and smiled as I recognised the love that I saw every day.

I put the photos away in my wallet, and put it back in my pocket. The photograph of our kiss had been with me every moment since the day we took it, and now the others would join it.

As I had been looking through my century's worth of possessions I had lost track of the time, and I was surprised to find when I checked my watch that it was well over an hour since I had phoned Alice. I checked my phone, despite the fact that it had been in my pocket the whole time, but there was nothing from her. I could feel the vaguest sense of worry beginning as I gathered up everything I meant to take home, and carried it downstairs.

A few minutes later, I was back seated at my piano. I held my phone, staring at the screen as my worry began to mount; Alice had still not returned my call. I decided to call her again, for a second I paused to see if she would ring me having seen my decision, but when she didn't I pressed redial. Seconds later her voicemail was talking to me again.

"_I'm not here, wherever here may be. Leave me a message, and I'll call you back. I'm almost certain."_

"Alice, it's me again. Where are you? Call me." I hung up again, feeling a bit embarrassed by the fact that I'd now left two voicemail messages, but I continued to wait for her return call.

After another five minutes, and still no call, I began to pace the room frantically. Why wasn't she picking up? She _always _picked up. Why not now? Was she ok?

Another thought crossed my mind, and my panic began to pick up even more.

I had intended on us all leaving Bella, without leaving her with the means to contact us. I had decided during my moments of madness that a clean break would be the kindest way, and I had asked all of my family to disconnect their cells and email accounts to aid this plan.

What if they'd still done so? Maybe they thought that my feelings about a clean break stretched to myself as well, maybe they were cutting themselves out of my life as I had planned for us all to do to her.

With a sinking feeling in my stomach I tried Alice again.

"_I'm not here, wherever here may be. Leave me a message, and I'll call you back. I'm almost certain."_

I tore my phone away from my ear with a growl, and slung it hard across the room. It hit the toughened glass of the far wall, and broke apart, the battery flying from the now shattered telephone case.

"Well, _shit_!" I exclaimed, as I ran over to examine the pieces of my phone.

_Well no one's going to be calling me on that now anyway. _

_Shit._

I kicked at the useless bits of broken phone, stomping on them in fury as my temper got away from me, before I finally returned to my seat. I put my face in my hands, and wondered what the hell to do now.

I gazed down at the floor for several minutes, there wasn't even a speck of dirt or dust to focus on, simply the clean lines of wood. I searched my mind for the reaction I felt I should be having. Should I be sorry they were gone? Was it actually for the best? I had wanted them away from Bella; I'd thought she would be safer without them. Was I safer without them?

The only thing I was sure about was that I missed them. Maybe we were safer without them around, maybe we weren't, but my life was not improved by this situation.

I groaned as my line of sight moved to my shattered phone, now broken up into dozens of fragments from my temper tantrum a few minutes before. Was Alice, or somebody else, trying to phone me at this very second?

_No, they are most likely laughing about the fact that you just broke your phone. _Again.

_If they're thinking about you at all, that is._

After several minutes of brooding, I stood and tore the dustcover from my piano. Then I sat down and did what I always did when I was troubled - I played.

**Bella**

I awoke slowly, the bed was warm and soft, and I was too comfortable and content to rouse myself quickly. I felt a deep sense of satisfaction throughout my body; Charlie had been out late with Billy the night before, and Edward and I had made the most of having the house to ourselves.

I had stayed and watched baseball practice Friday afternoon, and by the time Edward had left the field, hot, sweaty, pink and tired, I was almost beside myself. The way his uniform clung to his body allowed me to watch every muscle ripple as he played, and despite the chilly day, he was hot and sweaty with exertion by the end of the game.

Coach Clapp worked the whole team hard, but Edward had seemed to be worked harder than the rest, though even I could see that he was by far the best on the field. I wondered for a while if the coach had realised that Edward had only just bothered learning his name, and he was punishing him for it. Even I had to admit that Edward could sometimes be a little arrogant, and he had never bothered to even learn the coach's name before, due to his complete disinterest in sports at school. I had been present when he had asked Tyler about it, and his incredulity at Edward's question had been quite funny.

Afterwards, Edward had told me that Tyler had been thinking that he was messing about, which would explain why he had told us that the coach's name was Coach Assman. Fortunately, Edward had picked his real name out of Tyler's mind at the same time.

I had pounced on Edward as soon as we got to the car, and despite his exertions on the baseball field that afternoon, he clearly wasn't that tired after all.

I rolled over and reached for him, only to find that his side of the bed was cold.

I was sitting up the next second, looking around the room in a panic. All of his belongings still seemed to be where they should be, he had spent a lot of last night unpacking his stuff back into our new wardrobes and drawers, and they appeared to be untouched. But, there was no sign of Edward. I ran to his dresser, and pulled out a drawer, just to check, and found it still full of clothes.

_Thank God._

I jumped out of bed, and ran to the window, and almost staggered backwards when I saw that his BMW was gone.

_He wouldn't…_

_Calm down, think, where could he be?_

My heart was racing, and my breath was coming quickly as I sat down on the bed and tried my hardest not to panic. Then I saw the scrap of paper under my pillow. I leapt at it, and snatched it to me as if it contained the very meaning of life. I sighed as I recognised my name in Edward's handwriting at the top of the page.

_**Bella, **_

_**I have to go and do something this morning. I won't be long my beloved.**_

_**Edward**_

I turned the paper over a couple of times, not believing that this one cryptic little line was all he'd left me.

_Where would he have gone…?_

His side of the bed had been cold when I'd woken up; making me think that he'd actually been gone for quite a while. I checked the clock, and finding that it was nearly nine o'clock I decided to get dressed, and if he wasn't home by the time I was ready, I would call him to see where he was.

I headed to the bathroom, and the first thing I discovered was that I'd started my period that morning.

_Oh. THANK. GOD._

Despite being on the pill, part of me had been utterly convinced that I must be pregnant, considering the amount of sex that Edward and I had had over the last few weeks. I'd spent the last three days on manic period watch, knowing all the while that stress could also delay things, only making myself even more stressed. I yet again sent my mental thanks to my mother for putting me on the pill, as I carried on with my morning routine.

Half an hour later I was showered and dressed, but there was still no sign of Edward. I tried to call his cell, but found that I was sent straight to voicemail.

"_This is Edward Cullen. Please leave your name and contact number, and I will return your call as soon as possible."_

"Edward, it's me. Where are you? I'm kinda worried, baby." I hung up the phone thoughtfully. Edward always left his phone on, especially if we were apart.

I ran upstairs to check if he'd left it on charge, but finding the slot on the wall empty, I began to feel tendrils of panic creep up my spine again.

_He wouldn't…_

_Stop it._

I batted the thought away again, as hard as I could, as I began to make my way back downstairs. I knew that if I began to wonder if he had left me again, I might not be able to control where that thought took me.

Instead I tried to figure out where he might be. I considered all sorts of places, until I remembered the dream he had woken from the night before. Before I could wake him up he had said just one word: Alice.

I grabbed my car key from the hall table, and headed out of the door, too worried to eat breakfast, despite the assurances I was giving myself that I would find him.

Moments later I was heading away from Forks, really far too fast, with my heart in my mouth.

_I'm sure this Volvo's possessed by some kind of speed demon._

It seemed to take forever, but in fact it was only a few minutes until I was pulling up alongside Edward's BMW, outside of the Cullen house. The day was bright with little cloud for a change, and slightly warmer than it had been recently. The dappled sunlight scattered through the tress surrounding the house, covering our cars, and making it look more like a summer's day outside, than fall.

I felt a huge weight lift off of my shoulders as I stepped out of the car, I could hear the gentlest tinkling of a piano on the breeze, and part of me just knew without a doubt that Edward was near me again. It suddenly seemed almost easier to breathe.

As I walked towards the front door I was struck by how very quiet it was. Usually by now I would have expected a Cullen to greet me, having heard my approach from miles away. Instead I reached the front door unmet, and as I entered I suddenly knew why. The dust sheets covering everything told their own story.

_Nobody's home._

To one side, on the raised platform where it had always been, was Edward's piano, where he now sat slumped as he played the tune that I recognized as Esme's. The tune was much as it had always been, maybe a little less complex than it had been before, but recognizable for what it was. However, the pace seemed slower than I was used to, and I could hear Edward's sadness seeping from him as he played.

I had made no attempt to disguise my entrance, but when I sat down beside Edward on his piano stool, he jumped and stopped playing abruptly.

"Sorry," I mumbled, suddenly wondering if he would rather be alone.

"Don't be," he replied. He turned his eyes to me, and although he tried to smile, I could see his melancholy in his expression. I put my arms around him, and he bent down and rested his head on mine. I ran my hands up into his hair, and began to stroke it soothingly. Neither of us spoke for several minutes, as I simply held him close to me.

"Do you want to do something today?" he asked suddenly after a little while. He sat up and looked at me, and I knew that he was silently imploring me not to ask him to talk about it right then.

"Sure." I smiled, and I was relieved to see him reply with a more genuine one this time. "What do you want to do?"

"I don't know; get away from here for a start. I have a couple of ideas though."

"Ok, I'm in your hands!" I tried to sound enthusiastic, and from Edward's grin I knew I had succeeded.

I couldn't help but wonder what I was letting myself in for though, as he quickly helped me up from my seat, and dragged me towards the front door, suddenly seeming to be in a hurry.

**A/N – Hi! Real life is getting busy at the moment, so though I'm still aiming for updating every week or so, that time is stretching out a little right now. I'll do my best to keep up the pace!**

**Thank you to everyone who ever reviews, I do so love hearing your thoughts and reactions. Sorry I'm so rubbish about replying to them, but I write instead, if that makes you feel better…**

**Rec-wise this week, someone suggested I read "A Rough start" a few weeks ago by ItzMegan73, and it's excellent. Edward's not perfect, but trying really hard. In my favourites if you fancy a look.**

**Next update should actually be within a week or so this time…**

**Til next time.**

**Ria**


	29. Friend or Foe

Disclaimer – I don't own Twilight!

Thank you to venomaddict for betaing this story for me, and for continuing to keep me up until the wee hours!

~oOo~

**Edward**

It was nearly eleven in the morning by the time I dragged Bella out of the house without another word. I really didn't want to spend any more time moping, having remembered just how many years I had already spent mired in my own misery. I left the CDs, journals, and my mother's jewelry box on the table by the door, but I grabbed the leather jacket as I walked past, not having taken a coat out with me earlier that morning. I held her hand as we moved, and when I caught her eye she gave me a slightly starry smile, which made all of my sadness seem somehow less important.

I had everything I had ever wanted, everything I had ever wished for, right in the palm of my hand. I would not allow myself to ruin it for either of us.

We exited the house, and as I turned to lock it, Bella let go of my hand and stepped away slightly. A moment later I turned to see her twirling her car key, while looking at me questioningly.

"So, Mr. Cullen, where are we going? Both cars are here, so maybe we should go and drop one off at home first…" she trailed off, as I pulled the leather jacket onto my shoulders. Despite its age, it was still remarkably soft and comfortable, though it smelled a little musty.

Where were we going? At that precise moment I didn't know exactly, I just needed to get away from a century's worth of memories before I forgot my blessings. In my heart of hearts I was sure that my family wasn't actually far away, but the fact that they seemed to be ignoring me for now had left me feeling rather… _pissed_.

I had left my broken cell phone where it had landed inside the house, though I now felt somewhat embarrassed by my hissy fit earlier on. All I had succeeded in doing was ensuring that Alice couldn't call me when she tried to… I stopped moving entirely as a thought suddenly struck me.

_Why didn't you just try Carlisle? Or Emmett?_

_Brilliant… _

"Edward?" Bella had taken a step closer to me again, and was peering into my eyes, looking a little concerned. "What is it?"

"I'm an idiot!" I groaned, as I pinched my nose between my thumb and forefinger.

"Well… I knew that," she replied, before she giggled. I rolled my eyes at her, but I couldn't help the smirk that crossed my lips.

"Thanks. What I mean is, I tried to call Alice." I sighed, and Bella frowned as she waited for me to continue. "Alice is like communications central; she always sees you calling before you even do it, so she always answers the phone."

"And that makes you an idiot because…" she said slowly, and I could read the frustration in her expression as I failed to articulate myself intelligently. Not for the first time today, unfortunately.

"It makes me an idiot, because when she didn't answer I called again, then again, and she still didn't answer. It never occurred to me to just call Carlisle…" I rolled my eyes again, at my own stupidity this time.

"Ok, well, why don't you call him now? It's not like we're in a burning hurry here or anything."

"Er, because, when she didn't answer me, I broke my phone in a minor tantrum. Then I stomped on it for good measure. And I wouldn't be able to tell you what any of their numbers were without it, even if you threatened me with fish for dinner for a week unless I did."

"_Well_, that would explain why I couldn't get through to you when I tried earlier." She pouted slightly, completely distracting me from my chain of thought, as I imagined biting her plump little bottom lip. "And what's wrong with fish for dinner?"

I pulled a face and poked my tongue at her, in silent explanation, before sudden inspiration struck me about what we could do today.

"How do you feel about water sports Bella?" I raised an eyebrow at her, as she narrowed her eyes at me. I knew that, believing she was as uncoordinated as she did, Bella was not a fan of any sports, but an idea for the perfect distraction had just struck me, and I was not to be put off.

"Some of the team are planning on surfing this afternoon, followed by a cookout on the beach a bit later. I think Ben said that Angela was going along, and a few of the others said they were going to take their girlfriends. It might be fun." I grinned at her hopefully, as even while I'd been telling her about it the idea had grown in its appeal.

"Edward, it's freezing. Are you kidding?" My face fell as Bella scowled at me, though as soon as it did I saw her expression soften. "I mean, you know, going in the sea? Now? _Really_?"

"Well, we'd need wetsuits, but then we'd be fine. You're right, it's not exactly bikini weather, but you wouldn't want to surf in a bikini anyway…" I felt my mind wander as I pictured Bella surfing in the tiny blue bikini she had worn in Florida, and I felt my cock twitch in my pants.

_Jeez, don't you ever sleep?_

_You're talking to your penis again Edward…_

"Edward?" Bella was starting to look annoyed with me as I zoned out again. I wondered to myself for a second if I needed to talk to someone professional about my sex obsession, before I realized that she was waiting for me to say something.

"Um, yeah, sorry. We can get some wetsuits, and pick up a couple of boards down at Newton's, before lunch. It's not that cold, once we're working out, we'll be plenty warm enough in a wetsuit." Bella's eyes seemed to fog over for a minute as she looked at me, and I wondered what had led _her_ to zone out for a second this time.

Suddenly she shook herself, before she replied.

"I've never surfed; I wouldn't know where to begin, and what about your hand?" I could see that I was winning her round, as her tone wasn't totally negative now, rather more contemplative.

"We can buy you a little board, like kids use. I'll teach you." I smiled at the thought of teaching Bella to surf, which led to the thought of wet Bella, which led to the thought of wet Bella in the blue bikini. "And, my hand's fine."

That wasn't strictly true; the fingers I had broken on Tuesday still throbbed painfully, and that, along with the ache from my shoulder, had stopped me from being able to either bat or pitch during practice the day before. That hadn't stopped Coach Clapp making me train though, as he had insisted that fitness was the key thing right now anyway. As the fall raced in, it was only a matter of a couple of weeks until baseball practice became fitness training, most likely in the gym, until the season began in earnest in the spring. As a rule, it was difficult to play baseball in a torrential downpour.

"Ok, I give in!" She shook her head as she rolled her eyes at me, and I could tell that she was trying to give the impression that she was only doing this for me, but the smirk on her lips told me that she had come across some of her own reasons for going. "Where are we going?"

I didn't like to say it, but this little fact was actually the main reason why I had originally not planned to go to this event, and it was now one of the main reasons why I _wanted _to go.

"First Beach," I replied, somehow managing to keep my voice nonchalant.

I watched as the various emotions played across her features, and bit my lip, waiting for her response.

The truth was; I was mad. My family was gone, driven away by circumstance, their biggest reason being the disagreement with the wolves, which had never seemed to go away since the meeting they had called to discuss _me_. Though part of me was still keen to avoid La Push, and to keep Bella away from the wolves entirely, another part, the part that had only seemed to appear since I had recovered my humanity, wanted to walk about on First Beach, and give the Quileute the finger.

Figuratively speaking, you understand.

I had supposedly been excluded from the treaty; there was nothing to prevent me from crossing their land now, but I was certain that none of them would actually _like _me being there. And right then, to be honest, I really didn't give a shit.

"Is that a good idea?" Bella finally managed to articulate her thoughts, I knew from watching her expression that she had been considering what to say for some time. She knew very well the risks involved with going to La Push, and for a second I had hoped that she would refuse to go.

I began to walk towards the Volvo, I caught her hand as I passed her, and out of habit I directed her towards the passenger door.

"There's no reason why I can't go to La Push now, the Chief of the Tribe has released me from the treaty, and, today, I'd like to go and do something with people that I'm beginning to think of as friends," I said, and I could hear the resolve in my own voice. Bella pulled her bottom lip into her mouth, and began to chew on it silently as she climbed into the passenger seat of the Volvo; her expression uncertain.

"Is it… I mean… Do you think… Will you be safe?" she asked, as I climbed into the driver's seat of my old car a few seconds later. It was like pulling on an old pair of shoes, comfortable and familiar, though I wouldn't have swapped it for my BMW for an instant.

"I'm sure the wolves are as keen to keep their secret as my family is. I don't suppose we'll be seeing any overgrown mutts rampaging down the beach this afternoon, in full sight of most of the Forks High Baseball team." I couldn't restrain the grin that crossed my face, as I imagined that very event occurring.

"Why are we taking _my _car?" Bella mumbled as we pulled away, and I realized that I hadn't even asked her if she minded.

"Sorry, I guess I still kind of think of it as mine…" She glared at me, and I hurried to finish what I was saying. "We'd never get surf boards in the Beemer. I love it, but it's not exactly useful for things like that…"

"Ok, I guess," Bella replied, and when I chanced a glance at her, she was staring at me, rather dreamily.

I was surprised that Bella hadn't put up more of a fight in a way; I had expected to have to convince her, a lot more than I had, that a trip to First Beach wasn't the terrible idea that it probably was. In a way I had maybe even hoped that she would argue the point, as deep down another part of me, the individual I had been for so long until a month ago, yelled at me to just take her home.

It wasn't until later, when we were crossing the treaty boundary, that I wondered if maybe I should have listened to him.

**Bella**

As we pulled into the parking area near First Beach, I mentally questioned what in the hell we were doing here, for about the millionth time. To be honest, I knew that I should have refused to go, or to let Edward go for that matter.

It wasn't my fault though; I blamed the leather jacket. For some reason, Edward in leather just worked… The intense look he wore that morning, accompanied by the leather, and the hair that was just starting to grow out slightly again… made me _stupid_.

Edward had seemed certain that there would be no issue with us coming onto the Quileute land, what with the fact he was now excluded from the treaty, but now we were here he seemed jumpy and tense. I was beginning to think that maybe he hadn't thought this through after all. I mean, yes, he was excluded from the treaty now, so he could stay with me, but did that mean that we _should_ be down here, right in La Push? With the wolves around that he insisted were so dangerous?

We sat in the car silently for a few moments after he turned off the engine, me waiting for him to come around and open my door, him waiting for…

I didn't know. His uncertainty was plain to see, and it frightened me.

"Maybe we should just go," I said after a couple of minutes, when the tension in the car became too much to bear.

"Maybe…" He didn't look at me, but I could sense him battling internally with himself.

Suddenly there was a bang on the windshield.

"Cullen! You fucker! You said you weren't coming!" Tyler was standing outside the car, grinning widely, dripping wet in a black wetsuit while holding a case of beer. "Surf's fucking awesome man."

Edward paused for another couple of seconds before he broke into a small smile, and exited the car, walking around to my side quickly to help me out.

_Of my own car._

It felt strange to suddenly be a passenger in the Volvo with Edward again. He had been quite against the two of us using my car so far this week, preferring his new one apparently. Yet my Volvo still had its uses, as through the back window there now stood two brand new surfboards.

We had stopped at home before leaving for the beach, and underneath our clothes we both wore our new wetsuits. Edward grabbed the surfboards from the back of the car, before we made our way down to the crowd of Forks High School students on the sand.

"Edward!" Ben called, and waved as we approached, and I waved at Angela as I spotted her beside him. She smiled as soon as she saw me, and I realised that we were the only girls on the beach.

There were more yells as we approached, and I smiled at how welcomed Edward seemed to be by his new teammates. Beers were being passed around by Tyler, who had arrived a few seconds ahead of us, and there were snacks being pulled out of a large cooler.

Everybody was gathered in the same driftwood circle that I had sat in months before on this very beach. A couple of the guys were building a fire in the centre, and I could see others collecting wood up and down the beach. It seemed like a pretty good idea to me, as I was already feeling cold, and I hadn't even been in the water yet.

As soon as we arrived, Edward was dragged into a group of boys, and I moved towards Angela, who looked equally cold and out of place as I felt.

"Hey, Bella." She smiled as I approached, stepping away from Ben as he turned to join the conversation with Edward, who was now rather animatedly waving his arms around for some reason.

"Hey, Angela. You got talked into this too, I see?" I grinned at her as she nodded with a wry smile.

"Yeah, Ben assured me that it would be fun, and that the other guy's girlfriends would be coming too."

"Isn't Tyler dating Lauren?" I asked, looking around for a second, before I suddenly shivered, and realized that the chances of her being here now were slim to none.

"Yeah, I guess we had a lucky escape, hey?" Angela shrugged a little, as I chuckled in surprise at her remark.

"Yeah, I guess so." She must have seen that I was surprised by her response, as she quickly explained what she'd said.

"The team all gets together a lot, so now I see far more of her than I usually do. Last week Ben had a group round at his place Saturday night, and she got drunk and threw up in his Mom's wardrobe," Angela whispered, as she looked around almost conspiratorially.

"She did what? Why didn't I hear about that?" I spluttered, looking over at Edward who was now standing with both his hands resting on the top of his head, listening to something Ben was saying intently. He caught my glance, and winked at me, before I turned back to Angela.

"I don't know, I don't know how many people know about it really. Ben's Mom's made his life hell all week because of it though. Lauren ruined all of her shoes, and apparently _shoes matter_."

I grinned as Angela spoke, well aware of the fact that shoes did, most certainly, matter, thanks to Alice… and that passing thought made me feel sad for a moment. When we had returned home earlier, I had expected to find a message from her on the answering machine, or maybe even a call while we were there, but there had been nothing. It was almost as if she had fallen off of the face of the earth, along with the rest of the Cullens.

I swallowed and tried to ignore the thought that attacked my mind for a second, of what it could have been like if Edward had actually gone with them.

"Are you surfing today?" Angela was eyeing me up and down as my mind wandered, still fully dressed in jeans, despite my wetsuit underneath. She was wearing hers already under a sweatshirt, but her hair was wet, so I assumed that she'd already been in.

"Err…" I was already cold, and as I looked over towards the murky grey sea, the urge to snuggle down by the newly flickering fire under a large blanket was all that I could really feel.

"Yup." Edward suddenly appeared at my shoulder, wearing a huge grin, and clutching both of our newly purchased surfboards. "I'm going to teach her. It's going to be fun, isn't it love?"

_No?_

"Sure…" I managed rather weakly, as the thought of sitting in the frigid water before us made me shiver.

"Come on; let's get started, as soon as we get in the water you'll warm up."

_Really? Are you freaking kidding me, Cullen?_

"Ok…" I mumbled, unable to inject even the slightest amount of enthusiasm into my voice.

Edward didn't seem to notice though; he had enough enthusiasm for the both of us as he started backing up towards the ocean, and I couldn't bring myself to disappoint him. So, despite the fact that I knew I was going to be cold, most likely fall off my board, and then possibly drown, I followed him down to the edge of the water.

I stood and listened for several minutes as he told me what to expect, and how to surf. He then sat both of our boards on the sand, and made me practice laying on mine, while he showed me how he was going to stand on his. I had a little square board to use, whereas Edward had bought himself an enormous great long thing, which if I didn't know better might have made me think he was compensating for something.

_He isn't._

Before I knew it, we were paddling out into the ocean, both of us resting on our stomachs on our boards. Despite the fact that I was freezing cold, the effort it took to paddle out did begin to warm me up, so I felt reasonably assured that I wasn't about to die of frostbite or anything out there.

"The ocean always feels warmer in the fall, it hangs on to the heat of the summer, so it's warmer than you think it should be," Edward suddenly said, and as I glanced up at him paddling beside me, he gave me a knowing look.

"Oh." That sounded like it made some kind of sense, but I really didn't know if it was true or not.

"You're not too cold, are you?" He was panting slightly as he spoke, from the effort of paddling out undoubtedly, and I couldn't help but smile at his voice.

"No. I'm not _warm_," I said pointedly; also panting slightly by this point. "But, I'm not cold… I'm ok." The wetsuit was providing me with more protection that I had expected, but I did still think that if Edward had wanted to go surfing, then maybe this was something we could have done while we were in Florida.

_Yeah, because you had soooo much spare time down there._

_Oh yeah._

I daydreamed about Florida for a few minutes, until Edward suddenly stopped and reached out towards me.

"Turn your board around, and as soon as I say, start paddling, as fast as you can!" He looked excited as we turned our boards around in the water, and I felt a little flutter of panic in my stomach.

I had been clumsy my whole life, and pretty much incapable at every kind of sport I had ever tried, the very thought of what I was about to do was extremely unnerving.

"Now!" Edward suddenly started paddling beside me, and I copied him, moving my hands furiously through the water, until I suddenly seemed to be lifted and carried away from myself.

I began to pick up speed, and after a few seconds of panic, the feeling was exhilarating. I stayed on my stomach, making no attempt to move as I clung on to my accelerating board like a limpet.

"Woo hoo!" I looked up at the yell to my left, and saw Edward standing on his board, moving faster than me as he headed into shore. There were several other members of the team surfing around us, and the air was filled with various whoops and yells as we all careered in towards the beach.

The air whipped past my face, and I seemed to soar higher and move faster with every second. My coldness was forgotten as I absorbed the sensation of moving so fast, and as I focused on not falling off.

There was a sudden curse, and I looked at Edward again in time to see him fall, diving headlong into the water. I was worried for an instant, until I saw him bob up to the surface again, spitting out seawater with a grimace, and scowling, albeit good naturedly.

I could hear jeers coming from the shoreline, and Edward yelled something in response as he climbed back onto his board, not seeming to make any effort to go anywhere for now.

I looked away from him, just in time to see that I was now headed towards the sand remarkably quickly, and I didn't seem to be slowing down.

_Where are the brakes on this thing?_

"Shit, shit, shit!" I yelled, as I hit the sand, and toppled off of my board and into about an inch of water.

I lay on the sand for a second, rolling onto my back as I breathed hard. I mentally checked myself over, but having found that I was still in fact alive, I focused on what I had just done. The feeling of soaring through the water had been amazing, and all I was thinking about was recovering the breath that had just been knocked out of me, and then heading out there again.

"Bella!" I heard him coming a few seconds before he was beside me, his face etched with worry as he crashed through the waves, washing over me. He fell on the sand beside me almost in a panic, as I tried to find the breath to reassure him. "Oh my God, are you hurt? Shit, what was I thinking…?"

"I'm fine, Edward." He seemed to look even more worried as I said that, but I wouldn't let him speak. "No, scratch that, I'm fantastic!" I sat up as I spoke; again glad to find that nothing appeared to be broken.

"Are you sure, that was quite a tumble…" He seemed to be becoming more relaxed as I sat up, I could see his board floating in the surf to the side of us, and for a moment I wondered what it would be like to be able to stand up as I moved through the water.

"I'm sure… though, how the hell do I stop this thing?" I stood up and started towards my board a few feet along the sand from me. It had been washed all the way up onto the beach, but I was keen to get back out into the water.

"Er, you kind of have the right idea, though if you ditch it a bit further out you'll just land in the water." Edward smiled as he rubbed at the back of his neck, obviously relieved that I was ok. "Do you want to go and sit down and warm up?"

"No, I'm going out again!" He looked at me completely shocked for an instant, until a broad grin spread slowly across his face.

"Yeah? You liked it?" He looked like a little boy in that moment; he looked so pleased that I was enjoying something that he did, and that he'd encouraged me to do. It was endearing, almost as if he wanted me to pat him on the head and tell him how good he was.

"I loved it!" I replied, with far more enthusiasm than I had ever imagined I could feel for going out into the sea, in Washington, in the middle of September. "I'm going to try your board before we finish up today!"

"Ok, well, maybe let's see how you feel after a couple more go's on this one, eh?" I rolled my eyes at his tone, but within second we were headed back out into the ocean, paddling along, side by side until he told me to stop again.

"This time, ditch earlier!" Edward had time to shout, before we began to paddle furiously again, willing the wave to catch us in its journey to the shore.

We spent the next hour surfing, and every time was incredible. I had never seen the appeal of any kind of sports really, but this I totally got, and, I was good at it.

_Better than that, I rocked!_

By the last time we went out, I was eyeing Edward's board jealously, wondering how difficult it could possibly be, just to maybe get onto my knees even?

But after an hour I was completely exhausted, and didn't complain this time when Edward suggested that we head back towards everyone else. I could smell the food cooking, and suddenly I was starving.

"What is it about swimming that makes you so hungry?" I said to Edward, as we made our way back up the beach.

"I don't know, you're right though, I feel like I'm starving to death right now. I don't even care that it's Lee and Connor cooking the barbeque."

"You always think you're starving to death." I snorted. Considering quite how focused Edward always seemed to be on his stomach, and the amount that he ate, I had half expected him to put on weight, but he still carried the same lean, muscular physique that he always had. "Did it not feel the same, being hungry, you know, before?"

He looked over towards me, and stroked his throat absent-mindedly for a moment before he replied.

"No, it came on much more slowly before, plus I never felt hungry in my stomach the way I do now. It was like a gradually increasing burn in my throat, which I sated for a little while, until the burn became too much again." He chuckled slightly, and almost looked embarrassed. "Now, I go from fine to starving in just a few minutes, and the suddenness of it makes me feel almost panicky sometimes, I'm still not used to it."

We arrived with the rest of the team a few seconds later, and I looked around, surprised to see some new, yet familiar, faces.

"Bella!" Jacob called me from the other side of the now blazing fire, as he made his way around towards us.

Edward seemed to groan slightly by my side, and when I glanced towards him I noticed that he looked annoyed.

"What?" I hissed, as Jacob pushed his way through the growing crowd of Edward's teammates.

"He has a very vivid imagination," Edward growled, and as I got his implication, Jacob arrived in front of me. I felt myself blush as I looked at him, wondering quite what he was imagining right now. From the look on Edward's face, it wasn't anything good.

"Was that really you out there, Bells? You're really good!" Jacob caught me around the waist, and gave me an uncomfortable half hug for a second as he complimented my surfing skills, and I could feel Edward growing more tense by the second at my side. I stepped away from Jacob, and leant into Edward slightly, and I felt him relax against me.

"Thanks, yeah it was me," I replied at the same time. I couldn't help but wonder what the hell he was thinking that pissed off Edward quite so thoroughly, and I began to feel uncomfortable under his friendly gaze. I honestly just wished that I didn't know that he was thinking anything at all.

"You're really good… I've never seen you down here before, we surf a lot." Jacob seemed to be oblivious to the animosity coming off of Edward as he continued to talk, but I could feel him becoming edgy again. I took his hand in mine, but even as I clenched it he seemed to only get worse, not better.

"I've not been down here since the last time you saw me here, Jake." I replied, as I tried to think of a way to get both Edward and I away from him, without hurting his feelings. "I tend to be with Edward… you know."

Despite the fact that Jacob didn't know the truth of why Edward hadn't been permitted onto the tribal land previously, he knew that he had been barred, and I didn't doubt knew that he was free to come and go now.

"Sure, sure." Jacob's smile seemed to falter for a second, as he glanced down at my hand in Edward's, but then carried on. "Well, I'm glad to see you. You should come down to see us at home again; I missed the pizza last time!"

Throughout this conversation, Edward hadn't taken his eyes off of Jacob; I was almost expecting him to drop dead on the floor in front of us with the death glare that Edward was giving him. Jacob on the other hand never took his eyes off of me, though by the way he was standing, I could tell that he was becoming aware of his audience.

"Well, now I've discovered surfing, I'll be back, I'm sure!" I smiled, though it was beginning to get harder as I tried to edge us away. The last thing I wanted was for Edward to start on Jacob, that wasn't going to help anybody. "But, for now, we're starving, aren't we, honey?"

I glanced at Edward, and for the first time he caught my eye. I had never called him honey in my life before, and that seemed to have been enough to distract him from his attempt on Jacob's life, by the use of his glower alone.

"Yes, indeed. Nice to see you again Jacob, but we really must go and investigate the food." With that Edward took my hand, and we headed towards the barbeque, which had been setup a little to one side of the gathering of kids around the bonfire.

Tyler was now also standing poking at the burgers and hotdogs on the griddle, and part of me wondered quite how skilled any of them were at cooking like this. Most of me just didn't care though, and I snatched at the first burger in a bun that was passed in my direction. I began eating quickly, burning my tongue on the fiercely hot meat, and I watched as Edward shoved a handful of bills at Tyler, who protested for a moment, before pocketing them. I had time to wonder where Edward had even concealed any cash, considering that he was wearing a wetsuit, before he arrived by my side, holding three burgers in a neat stack, in his hands.

"Is one of them for me?" I mumbled around the last of my first one, greedily reaching for the ones in his grasp. I honestly didn't remember the last time I was so hungry.

"Oh. Well…" Edward pulled his hand away from mine for a second, before handing me one of them, looking a little regretful.

I began to eat quickly, not even bothering to say anything about the fact that he had clearly intended on eating all of that himself.

A few minutes later, and we were both feeling much better. My two burgers had hardly touched the sides as they went down, and Edward had virtually inhaled four, before he stopped eating. He had seemed to be antsy the whole time though, to the point that when Ben and Angela had stopped by us for a couple of minutes, he had hardly replied. I couldn't even begin to imagine what Jacob had been thinking about.

"What is it, Edward? Surely he can't be thinking anything you haven't heard before, can he?" I whispered into his ear. Jacob was still glancing our way every now and then, catching my eye and smiling brightly.

"What?" He seemed surprised by my question, until he caught Jacob looking at me again. "God, no, nothing I haven't heard before. It would be sweet, if he was thinking about anyone in the world but you."

"Then, what is it? You look… well, you don't look great." In fact, he looked terrible, and I began to wonder if he was sick. I glanced towards the boys manning the barbeque, and for the first time noticed that one of them was turning the food over with what looked like an old badminton racket, and another was most definitely using a large twig.

_Oh God, I just ate food that they cooked…_

I was distracted from my worrying when Edward leant in towards me, and pressed his mouth tightly into my ear. He then spoke so quietly, that even like that I could hardly make out what he was saying. "_The wolves are here_."

_Shit._

"Should we go?" I whispered, as I focused on not looking around, trying to not search out the boys that could turn into wolves at will, and could pose such a risk to us.

"No," he replied, and his expression was suddenly as hard as stone. "We have no reason to go."

I couldn't help but glance around the group now gathered around the fire. There were about twenty members of Forks High sitting around, most of them I recognised as members of the Baseball team. Angela and I were still the only girls in the group, and I imagined that the other girlfriends had all opted to spend their Saturday afternoon somewhere that didn't involve them getting cold and wet.

As I glanced around I suddenly found my eyes meeting one of the older Quileutes'. I knew immediately that he had to be one of the wolves, and I assumed that the other two standing with him were the same.

Despite the chilly air, all three of them were dressed in just shorts and T-shirts, and none of them wore any shoes. Their hair was cropped short, in stark comparison to the long hair the rest of the boys from the Reservation wore, and all three of them were just… enormous. Tall, and very heavily muscled, every one of them looked as if they could have provided Emmett with some serious competition.

_If he was still around…_

The three of them stood separately to the other Quileutes, who were mingling with the rest of us very freely. There were six of them sitting amongst the Forks High students, and the three standing to the side seemed to be watching rather than even attempting to join in.

I couldn't tear my eyes away from the wolf I was looking at, and for a moment I wished that I had Edward's power to read minds. He didn't look threatening in the slightest to me; confident, definitely; arrogant even? Maybe. But not dangerous. The fear that I had felt run up my spine the day I met James was entirely absent, and I wanted to trust my instincts.

"There are three of them now," I said quietly, my eyes still not leaving the wolf's.

"Yes, there are." As Edward replied the wolf nodded once, acknowledging what I had already assumed; that he could hear me. "What the hell are you doing Bella?"

Edward suddenly grabbed me by the elbow, making me look at him, and finally breaking my connection to the wolf. I looked back, but by then he had cast his eyes out to sea.

"Bella?" Edward growled impatiently in my ear. "Why are you looking at him like that?"

I turned back to Edward, and immediately recognised the expression on his face. He was furious, but I wasn't sure if it was at me, or someone else. I reached out and took his hand, and cradled it in my two for a moment, trying to calm him.

"I just caught his eye is all, Edward, but he doesn't make me feel afraid, are you sure we need to fear them?" He seemed to get even more furious as I spoke, the scowl on his face spreading until he was almost snarling at me.

"Yes, I'm sure. They're unstable creatures, Bella!" His voice began to get faster and louder, and I could hear the anger in every word. "Shapeshifters like these are utterly unpredictable; you cannot trust them for a minute. Look at what they've done; driven my family away as if they were guilty of something more than simply being themselves. _Threatened_ them, and for what? Trying to protect _me._" He huffed for a moment as he glared in the direction of the wolves, who I knew for a fact must be able to hear every word that he was saying.

"And to be honest, Bella, your sense of self preservation is not known for being the most sensible there is." He spat the last words at me, and my own anger began to bloom.

"Then maybe you shouldn't have brought us down here today, Edward. _You _are the one who insisted that we should come," I hissed. I stood up, dropping his hand as I did. "I'm going to go and get myself a drink."

He looked as if he was about to stand with me for a moment, but I didn't wait for him, and when I checked behind me a few seconds later, he was still sitting where I'd left him, looking morose.

_Good._

I was aware that I was probably PMSing a little bit today, but I still felt justified in being mad at him for now. If he felt that we were in some kind of danger just be being here, then maybe he shouldn't have made us come.

_Freaking men._

I didn't really want another drink, and when I looked for Angela, I saw that she was busy with Ben.

_Or should I say getting busy with Ben._

"Hey Bella, what ya doing?" I turned and smiled when I heard a voice behind me.

Jacob had gotten up from where he had been sitting for the last few minutes, between two other boys from the reservation, where he has been chatting to some of the rest of the team. He was looking down at me, and I realized that he looked noticeably taller than the last time I had seen him. Knowing what I did about him and his people now, a pang of regret shot through me at that there was nothing I could do to stop what was likely to happen to him one day.

"Hey Jake, I don't know actually." I seemed to have successfully stormed off from Edward in a huff, but now I was 'off', I wasn't quite sure what to do next.

I suddenly spied Edward's surfboard sticking out of the sand in front of me. There were still plenty of people surfing, it was only mid afternoon, and now I'd had a rest and some food, I was feeling ready to have a go on his board. I turned round to look for him, and saw that he was now standing talking to a few of the guys. After a couple of seconds he hadn't looked up at me, and I looked away again.

"Are you surfing Jake?" He wasn't wearing a wetsuit, but his hair was wet, so I wondered if maybe he was surfing, but just used to the water temperature.

"Sure, you want to go out now?" Jacob looked so delighted at the prospect of surfing with me, he cheered me up instantly.

I walked over and grabbed Edward's surfboard, and discarded my jeans, that I'd put on again over my wetsuit while we ate, onto the sand. I deliberately didn't look around at Edward again as I headed towards the water, instead focusing on Jacob as he bounced along chatting cheerfully beside me.

We entered the sea, and paddled out side by side, and a few minutes later I was sitting on Edward's board, facing the shore with Jacob beside me. The sun had broken through the clouds for the first time today, and the light was glinting on the ocean. I could see Edward standing by the edge of the water now, looking out towards me, with his hands shading his eyes. I raised my hand to wave at him, but he didn't wave back.

_Jerk._

"Have you been on a board like this one before Bella?" Jake asked me suddenly. He was sitting on his board, floating beside me. He wasn't wearing a wetsuit, but he didn't seem to be unduly bothered by the cold.

"No, but Edward showed me how earlier." Jacobs pursed his lips at my reply.

"Just stay on your stomach then, yeah?" He suddenly looked a bit worried. "Maybe we should have just brought out your little board you were using earlier…"

"No, I wanted to try this one, just once. It seems to be faster than mine," I replied, glad that he hadn't thought to ask me before we came out. He seemed worried that I hadn't been on the board before, but I'd been doing so well today, I couldn't see his problem.

"Yeah, it will be. Ok, here we go Bells, I'll race you!" Jacob leant forward and began paddling hard, and I followed suit.

As I paddled I looked up, and I could see Edward, still standing by the water's edge, watching me. I felt a sudden pang of regret that I'd just left him sitting by the fire like that.

Abruptly the wave caught me, and I felt the board lift up, and begin to speed up underneath me. As it did, I started to shuffle up the board, and I tried and pull myself upwards, into a sitting position. I could have sworn that I could hear Edward's voice coming from the beach as I did, but I didn't have a chance to look up and check.

As soon as I shifted my weight on the board, I felt it veer to one side suddenly, and then I was headed straight for the ocean, the board vanishing from beneath me in an instant.

The second before I hit the water, I had the chance to decide that really, this was all Edward's leather jacket's fault.

**Edward**

She got up and walked away from me, apparently furious with me for some reason, and I really couldn't work out who was in the wrong. Was it me?

_Yeah, it's you. Asshole._

She was right, of course. I had brought us to First Beach that afternoon with the sole intent of aggravating the wolves, having been upset at the fact that my family had been driven away by them, but now I was regretting it.

I had to admit, the wolves minds were clear. None of them actually saw me as any kind of threat anymore; they were present today almost as lifeguards rather than anything else. They seemed to take their roles as protectors of the tribe very seriously, and they expected that several of the boys now sitting among us would one day join their pack. A fact which made them take extra special interest in those particular boys, including Jacob Black.

Who was now paddling out to sea beside my Bella, who was sitting astride my surfboard, rather than the far safer one she had been using earlier.

By the time I had started to look for her, she was already out on the water, and was turning the board ready to come back in. I walked quickly towards the water's edge, and watched her, though it was difficult as she bobbed up and down against the horizon, and the sun glinted off of the water, almost blinding me.

Suddenly she was moving, and I was trying not to panic. She had done well so far today, and I hoped that she would just sit tight on the board, and let it bring her back into shore.

But of course she didn't.

"Bella! Sit still!" I yelled at her, as she began to try and move on the board, but it was too late. One second she was there, the next she was gone, as she overbalanced and the board shot up high into the air.

_Shit!_

Without even thinking, I went straight into the water after her. Bella had gone in a long way out, and I knew it was going to take me a while to get there, but my fears for her stopped me from even considering if going in after her like that was for the best. I just knew that I had to do _something._

In the back of my mind I heard the shouts from the beach, but I ignored them, every ounce of my strength and focus was on getting to Bella. In my head I was counting, counting the seconds that she had been in the water for. The sea was getting rough, and the movement of the waves meant that I couldn't see anything ahead of me, so I couldn't see if she was ok, I couldn't even see if she'd broken the surface again…

A renewed surge of panic dumped more adrenaline into my system at that thought, and I pushed myself to go faster. As a vampire I had been able to move through the water at impossible speeds, but now I seemed to be moving ridiculously slowly. I felt almost a sense of relief a few seconds later, when two of the wolves splashed past me, headed in the direction that I had last seen her, knowing that at least they would reach her faster than me.

I continued to swim, my mind utterly focused on getting to Bella, until suddenly I realized that I wasn't heading in the direction that I should have been anymore. The current had shifted me, and I seemed to be being dragged along parallel to the beach, rather than heading to where I wanted to be.

Just as an unusually large wave crashed over my head, I figured out what was happening.

_Riptide… oh hell._

I began to fight the current harder, but I seemed to be getting dragged further in the wrong direction with every move I made. In the space of a few seconds I realized that rather than saving Bella, I was going to be fighting to save myself.

Another wave crashed over me, and I inhaled a mouthful of water, making me cough hard. I struggled to stay afloat as I did, and my aching muscles began to cry out for me to slow down. My lungs were burning from the water I had just inhaled, and the cold was beginning to seep into my limbs.

I tried to make myself simply push through the water harder, but I seemed to be reaching my physical limit. My terror over what was happening to Bella was the only thing keeping me going, when I felt something bump into me and someone ran their fingers across my scalp.

"Hey, baby. Want a lift?" I looked up and there was Bella, sitting astride my surfboard grinning, in front of one of the wolves who was looking at me somewhat expectantly.

"I'm fine," I gasped, actually fairly certain that I was far from fine, but not really liking to admit to it.

"You don't look fine," commented the wolf, as he continued to look at me.

_I'd better not have to drag this guy back to the beach too; just get on the board, Cullen._

His thoughts were vaguely annoyed, and clear in the fact that if I didn't join them on the board willingly, he was intending on dragging me up there.

"A lift might be good," I said after a pause. Bella was watching me, looking almost worried, as I exchanged uncertain looks with the wolf.

Suddenly he reached out and grabbed my hand, hauling me out of the water and onto the board behind Bella with apparently little effort. As I threw my leg over the other side, he slipped off, back into the water, leaving just the two of us on the board.

"Thanks, Sam," she said, as he bobbed in the water beside us for a minute. "I had a scary few seconds there."

"No problem." Sam looked towards me suddenly. "The current's getting up. Probably time to call it a day."

"Yeah, I know." I nodded as he turned away from me and began to swim for shore ahead of us. I put my arms around Bella, and held her for a second, before I called out to Sam's quickly vanishing form. "Thank you, Sam."

He didn't acknowledge me, but I knew for a fact that he would have heard me, and that was enough.

"So, shall we head back in?" Bella said quietly. We were sitting close together on the board, as we bobbed up and down on the ocean. There was silence around us now, no one else was left on the water, and I could see the crowd around the fire on the beach was growing. We weren't actually out too far, not far enough to be a problem with the board, and I felt rather disconcerted by how little distance I had actually covered, for such a great effort.

_Thank God she hadn't had to rely on me to get to her._

"In a minute." I pulled her back against my chest and hugged her to me, trying not to think about what could have just happened. I took a steadying breath before I spoke again.

"You've got to take better care of yourself Bella. Please. For me." My voice sounded weak in my own ears, as I begged her to take care of the most important thing in the world to me.

She huffed for a second, and I felt her back tense under me, before she suddenly sighed.

"I know. Sorry. Jacob didn't seem to be worried; I thought he knew the beach…" She ran her hands over mine, tightening my hold around her waist.

I glanced around looking for Jacob, and found him paddling towards the beach a little behind Sam, clearly having been present for both Bella's and my rescue.

"No, I'm sorry. We shouldn't have come." I kissed her neck, burying my face there for a moment, as I made myself focus on the fact that she was here safe with me, not on what could have just happened.

"Sam's one of the wolves, isn't he?" she asked after a few more moments of silence. It was remarkably peaceful sitting out on the ocean like that, and I had no immediate urge to return to shore.

"Yes."

"He saved me. I couldn't get to the surface, and then he was suddenly dragging me up." My breath hitched as she confirmed my darkest fears.

My mind started running a mile a minute. How was I ever going to do this? How could I protect her from herself? We had been without my family for just a couple of days and she'd already had to be prevented from drowning by a fucking _werewolf_, for Christ's sake.

_Jesus, I'm going to end up having a panic attack at this rate._

"Edward," she said quietly, disturbing me from my internal worrying. "He saved me."

I took a deep breath, and accepted that I didn't even know what was true anymore.

"Yes, he did."

We sat out on the board a little longer, quietly enjoying the sun on the ocean. Bella leant back against me, and I held her tightly in my arms, feeling nothing but overwhelming gratitude for the fact that she was ok.

After a while we began to paddle in towards the shore, and though we laughed as we did, I never quite forgot how close we could have come today. As we arrived at the sand, I helped her off the board, and we made our way towards my teammates, my… friends?

_I think tonight, I need a beer._

As we sat down by the fire, and I accepted the beer from Tyler's outstretched hand, I thought about the fact that I had been human for exactly four weeks today.

I had come to learn many things in that time, but about three things I was absolutely positive. First, human life is fragile. Second, every day we lived as human we took chances – and we could never be quite sure how they would turn out. But third, there was nothing in heaven or earth that I would exchange for the chance I had been given, to actually _live._

~oOo~

**A/N – So, not my favourite chapter I have to admit, but it is a landmark. Edward has been human for 4 weeks, and this is the last chapter before we have a little timeslip. Chapter 30 will be called "Halloween", and will take place exactly six weeks after this chapter. For everyone who's been asking, the Cullens will not be absent for long, for us at any rate! I think vampires on Halloween seem very fitting indeed…**

**Thank you as ever to everyone who reviews, it does make it so much more fun for me to hear from you all!**

**Anyway, I leave you now to stalk Icy on Twitter, awaiting the final chapter of MOTU. I feel quite bereft that it's nearly over! You are reading Master of the Universe… aren't you?**

**Rec-wise, this week I've been running with the crowd, and reading "And with Thee Fade Away", which is brilliant. I'm not finished yet, but I think it's great so far. In my favourites if you fancy a look!**

**Til Next time,**

**Ria**


	30. Halloween Part I

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight!

Thank you goes to venomaddict as always, but specifically today for being a duuuurty girl.

This is an un-edited NC17/MA chapter. If you're not old enough to read it, _don't_.

~oOo~

**Bella**

"You have to be _FUCKING_ _KIDDING_ _ME_!" Charlie looked up at me from the TV, as Edward's voice seemed to echo around the entire house from upstairs. He quirked an eyebrow at me in silent question, and I couldn't help but grin back.

It was Halloween, well ok, not quite, but Halloween this year was on a Monday, so Friday night had been named as honorary Halloween by the senior class at Forks High; most of whom were going to be attending Mike Newton's Halloween party this evening, including Edward and me.

Edward had been refusing to go all week, complaining that Halloween was childish, though I was fairly sure that it was more to do with Halloweens past than anything else. Eventually this afternoon though, he had finally buckled, when the entire baseball team had ganged up on him about it at lunch.

Within days of Edward's change back to being human, I had realized that he had lost none of his magnetism, quite the opposite in fact, and this had only proven itself time and again as the weeks wore on. Edward and I now seemed to have endless invitations to parties, trips to the movies, days out and even ice skating in Seattle (don't ask – I fell on my butt). Within a matter of a few short weeks, he had melded effortlessly into the limited social scene in school, having so successfully avoided for his first three years in Forks.

Even so, truthfully, we still preferred to spend a lot of our time as just the two of us. Edward may have now blended in with the rest of school much better than he did previously, but as he continued to remind me, he still wasn't in fact really a seventeen year old. Sometimes he simply found being around so many other teenagers for too long wearing, or just boring, so despite the many invites, we rarely actually took any of them up.

I sometimes worried that he was lonely, so I did try to encourage him to get out with other people sometimes. I had never been especially sociable, but I remembered that Edward was used to being surrounded by his family, so life with just me and Charlie had to be so much quieter than he was used to. He denied this when I tried to talk to him about it, insisting that he had everything he wanted right now; but part of me still worried that this might change.

Anyway, this time, the other guys on the team weren't taking no for an answer. So this afternoon, while Edward had been training in the gym with the rest of the team, I had been dispatched to Port Angeles to pick out our Halloween costumes.

But it didn't sound like he was very pleased with his one.

Charlie's lips tweaked into a smile matching my own, as we heard the thunderous sound of Edward, tearing down the stairs. Seconds later he was standing in the living room doorway, holding his costume out in front of him, his eyes almost seeming to bug out at me in fury.

He was wearing worn jeans and a tight dark long sleeved T shirt, his feet were bare, and I couldn't help but be distracted for a second by the fact that even his feet were pretty.

"What in the _hell_ is this supposed to be, Isabella?" he rumbled, his expression dark.

_Uh oh, I'm Isabella. I'm really in trouble now…_

"Well," Charlie interrupted softly, and Edward's countenance immediately relaxed a little when he spotted that he was there. "It looks like a Dracula costume to me, Edward."

"Not necessarily, Dad. It's just a general vampire costume really. There are some teeth upstairs on the dresser." My chest was beginning to hurt due to the giggle I was fighting to keep in at the look on Edward's face, but I knew that it would only add to his ire.

"Yes. I've _seen the teeth_," Edward growled at me, and my bottom lip began to tremble. His expression was so annoyed it was comic, and even as he glared at me, I saw the ghost of a smirk cross his lips, before he quickly squashed it.

_God, I'm going to pee in my pants if I can't laugh in a minute._

"Yeah. Vampire's have fangs don't they?" Charlie said, nodding as he turned his eyes back to the TV. "What's the problem, son, I thought you were going to a Halloween party?"

"I…" Edward looked at me helplessly, before he pinched his nose between his thumb and forefinger, and screwed up his eyes. I decided to dive in and save him.

"Edward asked me to get him something baseball related, but because _he _left it so late to agree to go to this stupid party, there were hardly any costumes left in the shop." I looked at Edward pointedly, who started to look a little contrite. "There were only two left in the entire place that would have fitted you."

Edward stared at me for a few moments, his mouth working silently as he tried to figure out what to say next. I couldn't help but smile as I watched him; his hair had grown back to its original state now, and it hung in his eyes, darker than usual, fresh out of the shower. He was clean shaven, and as he ran his hands through his hair, a couple of drops of water landed on his cheekbone. I had to remind myself that Charlie was right there, as the urge to move towards him and touch him was virtually irresistible.

Living with Charlie had moved into a comfortable rhythm for both of us. He seemed to accept Edward almost as one of the family, and I wasn't joking when I said that sometimes he appeared to like him better than he did me. Charlie had been really excited to hear about Edward joining the baseball team, and was already talking about going to the games when they started up in the spring. Edward often watched sports on the TV with him these days while I cooked, which I knew wasn't something that he enjoyed per se, but when I'd asked him about it he just said that he enjoyed the company.

When news had first hit the rest of the town about Edward staying with us, I knew that Charlie must have been uncomfortable with being the subject of gossip, but he had never said anything to either of us about it. He had also never asked us why the Cullens never called, and Edward hadn't tried to volunteer any explanation to him.

"Then you should have gotten the other one," Edward eventually replied with a sigh, his voice softer now, almost resigned.

"The other one was Conan the Barbarian. It consisted of a _very _small pair of fur briefs, a Viking Helmet, and an imitation axe… I didn't think you'd like it." Out of the corner of my eye I could suddenly see Charlie bouncing in his seat in silent laughter, as Edward's jaw dropped open in shock. I had pictured Edward in the other costume (a lot), but I hadn't dared choose it for him. I knew that if I had he would have then simply refused to wear it, point blank.

_Otherwise, believe me, I'd have been tempted._

"Oh…" he looked genuinely shocked, and I realized with a chuckle that his Edwardian sensibilities were obviously still a little too sensitive for talk of fur briefs.

"So. Good choice?" I asked him, raising my eyebrows as I glanced towards the costume now hanging limply from his hand.

"Yeah. Guess so." He looked down at it despondently for a minute, until he looked back up at me. "What did you get?"

"Errrr…" Charlie had looked up again in interest at Edward's question, and I bit my lip for a moment. I was going to have to get this costume past the _two _men in my life, and neither of them were going to like it. "I'm going as a rabbit."

I hadn't been kidding when I'd said that the shop was almost out. The choice for me was also very limited. Being small I could have had a few of the kids costumes, but I really had no urge to be seen in public dressed as a Power Ranger. That had left me with a choice of five women's costumes; unfortunately all of them had been much of a muchness, various animal ears, with a skintight costume, and a pin on tail.

I wasn't naïve, I knew that girls used Halloween as an excuse to dress as provocatively as possible under the guise of it being a 'costume', but in all honesty I knew that it was going to do nothing but make me uncomfortable this evening. The black, skin tight satin suit, which was really little more than tiny shorts and a waistcoat, came with pink bunny ears and pompom tail, and was terribly revealing. By the time I put on the fishnet stockings and the only pair of high heels I owned, I looked like I should have been visiting Hugh Heffner.

"Hmm," Charlie mumbled quietly, looking at me speculatively. "Do you mean a rabbit, or a _bunny_?" There was a reason that my dad was a cop. He was not easily bullshitted.

_That thought really worries me sometimes._

Edward looked at Charlie questioningly for a second, and I saw it in his face when he caught his meaning. He scowled for a moment, before they both turned their eyes back to me.

"Show me," Edward said ominously, before he turned on one heel and walked straight back upstairs.

I glanced back at Charlie sitting on the couch before I followed Edward upstairs, and he winked at me with a chuckle, before he turned back to the game. You would have thought that it would have been awkward living together as we did; my former room was now referred to as our room quite openly, and Edward and I were quite affectionate towards each other around him these days. But Charlie seemed to be much more relaxed around us than he had ever been.

As I entered my bedroom, only to find Edward holding my costume aloft, glaring at it in horror, I knew why.

"They didn't have an entire costume in the shop, I take it?" he grumbled, looking from me to my ridiculous outfit and back again.

Without saying a word, I took it away from him carefully, and smiled sweetly before I left the room to change in the bathroom.

Although there was no reason for me to be shy about changing in front of Edward anymore, he knew my body better than me these days, space in our room was at a bigger premium than ever. A couple of weeks before, Edward had spotted an electric piano in a Seattle department store window, which was supposed to be as close to a real piano as you could possibly get. Seeing as there was really no room in our house for a real piano, it seemed like the ideal compromise.

After hours of playing with it in the store, Edward had bought it, but when it had been delivered we had established that actually, there was really no room in our house for a pretend piano either.

The delivery men had left it in the living room, in the middle of the room no less, there being no wall space as such to leave it against. Unfortunately, in this position the piano effectively made the TV unwatchable, so within three minutes of Charlie arriving home that night, Edward was dragging it up the stairs.

Unsurprisingly, there really wasn't room for it in my bedroom either, which meant that now the mere process of moving from the doorway to bed was almost an Olympic event.

Edward had also moved more and more of his belongings from the Cullen house over here, and though I should have put my foot down before we came to where we were, I really didn't have the heart to tell him that enough was enough.

At first, every time we had visited the house we had almost expected to find that the others had returned. Instead the house just seemed emptier and colder every time. The day after we went surfing, Edward had bought a new phone and moved his old chip into it, from the one he had broken in a fit of temper the day before. Once we had the Cullen's phone numbers we had immediately set about trying to call them again, but once again, to no avail. None of them were answering our calls, though none of the phones were disconnected, all of them going straight to voicemail instead.

Eventually, Edward had been forced to admit that they were deliberately ignoring him, and it had been weeks now since we had stopped even _trying_ to call. Edward suspected that if we needed to, we could get a message to them. Despite the hundreds of messages we had left each of them, their voicemails had never filled up, so they were clearly checking it. But they had created a distance between us.

Edward had been angry at first, several times he had screamed into the phone, leaving furious voicemails for both Alice and Carlisle.

Gradually his anger had passed though, and when I asked him, he had explained that he understood what they were doing, even if he didn't have to like it. He told me that he had planned on leaving me without a word, without even the means to leave him a message, as he had thought that it was the best way to make me move on with my life without him. He felt sure that they were now doing the same to him, forcing him to live a normal life without them.

After he told me what he had planned, I had spent several days veering between angry and devastated, the very thought that he could have done something like that to me causing me to wake up in the night, reaching for him to check that he was still there. But I quickly decided that the fact that he hadn't been _able _to do it was all that mattered, and the fact that the tables had been turned on him seemed ironic, and in a way, just.

As I put on my pink bunny ears, and pinned the tail to my tightly satin-clad behind, I reflected that actually, maybe they had done the right thing by going.

Edward was now far more settled than he had been a few weeks before, and the almost daily comparisons with his previous life had become less and less. He was still very much the same as he had always been, but he now seemed to finally accept his new circumstances, having had to recognize his own frailties more than once.

Sometimes I hardly dared even think it, even to myself, but I was beginning to believe that we might actually get to live a _life_ together.

I slicked on a little lipgloss as the final touch to my outfit, and then stepped out of the bathroom, straight into Edward's gaze. He was leaning in our doorway, wearing a smart tuxedo, with a black cape with red lining and a pointed collar. He smiled at me in an almost evil manner, revealing the plastic fangs which had been resting on the dresser a few minutes earlier. His hair was slicked into the same style as he had always worn it before, and the black outfit gave him the appearance of being much paler than he had been more recently.

I gasped as I looked at him, and I can't deny that the way my heart lurched in my chest was not purely because he had made me jump. He looked debonair in the tuxedo, and the fact that he was dressed up… as a vampire of all things…

He glided towards me silently and moved around me, until he stopped just behind my right shoulder, hovering over me as he pressed his nose into my skin. I felt his arousal pressed against my behind as he leant against me, and I couldn't help but lean back into him. Memories of our past were overwhelming me, and though Edward was now dressed as a 'Hollywood' vampire, rather than his true former incarnation, the very idea of it had left me shivering in excitement.

"It seems very suitable that you have dressed so provocatively, Bella," he rumbled into my ear, as his hand ran down my fishnet stocking clad thigh. "I would have particularly enjoyed the thought of making a meal of you once, looking the way you do tonight."

He leant further into me, grabbing me around the waist tightly with his other arm, before I felt a sharp pinch on the juncture of my neck and shoulder. He had obviously removed the plastic fangs, as I could only feel his teeth on my skin, but the sensation of him nipping at my skin rippled through my body straight to my centre, leaving me trembling with want.

"But what am I going to do with you, little bunny?" he continued, as he ground his erection into my ass through our clothes. "I'm not sure I should allow what's mine to be seen like this in public. Though, I admit, I am very much enjoying the view myself."

"It's only a costume," I whispered, as he began to massage my thigh with his firm hand. "I'm sure I won't be the only one dressed like this."

"No. I'm sure you're right," he replied, his voice rough as he ground himself into me again. "Though you're the only one there that concerns me." He suddenly pulled away from me with a huff, and walked into our bedroom.

I followed him a few seconds later, having tried to quickly collect my thoroughly scattered wits. I found him standing in front of my closet, shifting through my clothes as if he was looking for something.

"Ah ha!" he said, before he spun to show me an old, long black cardigan that I hadn't worn since Alice had officially taken over my wardrobe. "This will do." He thrust it towards me, and I took it, though I didn't try to put it on.

"Edward, I'm not wearing this. Honestly, I don't know why Alice hasn't thrown it away." I held it up, and decided that maybe that was a mistake I should rectify myself.

"Bella, have you seen yourself?" He groaned, before he approached me and turned me to look in the mirror over my desk. "I can hardly restrain myself from throwing you down on the bed and ravishing you right now. How am I supposed to cope with watching a large group of teenage boys ogling you all night as well?"

_And you're not ravishing me right now because…?_

I looked at myself in the mirror for a moment, and I had to admit that the costume I was wearing did remarkable things to my body. The black satin shorts were very tight, and showed off my ass to full affect, and the tight bodice I was wearing seemed to accentuate my assets nicely. Edward was standing behind me again, his hands around my shoulders now, and as I looked at him, I felt my entire body tremble with desire.

I fought the urge to press back into him again, remembering that Charlie was only downstairs. But I honestly didn't know how I was going to survive the night with him looking like he did.

The look on his face as he stared at me in the mirror was half way between pleasure and pain, a look that I recognised, and I smirked as I realized that actually, tonight could be really fun.

I turned to face him slowly, deliberately brushing my chest against his arm as I did. He stiffened as I moved, and when our eyes met his were dark. "Then maybe, Edward, you'll need to take extra special care of me this evening, to make sure no one else tries to make off with your _prey_."

He growled gently, and he suddenly grabbed me, and pulled me into his arms tightly. I was already conscious of his length pressed into my stomach as his lips crashed down to mine, and we both began grinding against each other furiously. When I had picked out our costumes earlier, I had been completely distracted by the thought of Edward in fur briefs; I hadn't considered what the sight of him dressed as a vampire might do to me. I could feel my blood coursing through my body as my heart pounded, and I could feel his heavy breathing, hot against my skin as we panted around each other's mouths.

He leant down and caught my knee, and dragged my leg up around his waist. He lifted me up to sit on the desk, pushing books and CDs onto the floor with a clatter. His tongue was sliding against mine passionately, and I was becoming dizzy with the sensation of him, the taste and smell that was all Edward; the only drug that I would ever need.

I ran my hand down his body, and squeezed his erection through his pants, making him jerk against me and groan loudly.

"_Bella…_" he moaned, as I stroked him, and I could feel him fumbling with the buttons at the front of my top.

"Bells?" We leapt apart quickly as Charlie's voice echoed up the stairs. "Am I going to get to see this costume this evening? I'm on my way out to Billy's in a minute."

"Charlie," Edward gasped, as he turned away from me and walked a couple of steps to the other side of the room. I almost giggled when he stumbled over a large pile of his belongings, but I didn't, instead I watched the way he moved in his tuxedo. He was breathing heavily, as was I, and he ran his hand through his hair a couple of times as I quickly sorted out my buttons.

I waited on my desk as Edward breathed deeply for a few moments, as he tried to calm himself down into a fit state to be able to stand in front of my father. But I was already planning on other ways I could tease him tonight.

"Coming Dad!" I called out, as I took a step towards Edward, and spoke to him softly. "It is only our friends tonight, you know. Plus, you can hardly imagine what you in a vampire costume is doing to me, baby."

I laughed as he tried to frown at me, though I could see the smile breaking through on his features. "Anyway," I continued. "This was the only type of costume the shop in PA had for women, I'm sure that everyone will become very bored of looking at partly dressed girls in animal ears this evening."

"It is very clear that you've never been a teenage boy, if you honestly believe that, Bella." He scowled at me, even as his eyes travelled slowly up and down my body again.

_Well, duh!_

"Come on, let's see what your father's opinion of this ridiculous getup is, shall we?" Edward stretched out his hand and smiled wryly at me, as I took it to go downstairs and say goodbye to Charlie.

As we left our room his hands wandered down to my butt again, and I could feel his excitement just through his fingers.

_Looks like I have a horny vampire on my hands tonight. _

_Lucky me!_

**Edward**

We walked downstairs, and I hoped towards a rational reaction to the underwear masquerading as a costume that Bella was wearing this evening. Her response to my attempts to cover up her modesty, even a little, had been frustrating, so now part of me was hoping that maybe Charlie would refuse to allow her to leave the house looking as she did.

_Admittedly, another part of me wants to take her back upstairs again for an _entirely_ different reason._

To be truthful, I wasn't just worried about the reactions of other teenage boys tonight. I was throbbing painfully in my pants, and it had taken me a great deal of self control to leave our room this evening without throwing her down on our bed and having my wicked way with her.

"Dad?" Bella called as we reached the bottom of the stairs, and Charlie appeared quickly in the kitchen doorway, already wearing his coat ready to leave, holding his keys in his hand.

"Bells," he said, and a look of slight alarm crossed his features as he took in what she was wearing. "You look real grown up."

_No! Where's the shouting, and foot stamping, and declaration that she'll never leave the house again?_

"Thanks Dad," she replied softly, and I rolled my eyes as she glanced at me with a smirk.

Charlie turned to me quickly, and though I still couldn't read his thoughts, his expression was clear.

_Look after her this evening!_

I nodded to him in silent assent, before he turned towards the front door.

"I've got to go, the game starts in five minutes, and I've still got to pick up some beer on the way to Billy's." He turned back to look at us again, his eyes moving between Bella and me as he spoke; I could still sense the unease in his thoughts. "You two aren't going to be too late are you?"

"No, not too late. Don't worry," I replied, before Bella had the chance to. He nodded, before he kissed Bella on the cheek, and left.

We arrived at Newton's house a little late, as we had stopped off to buy some snacks on our way to the party. By the time we got there, music could already be heard from the other end of the street, where we were forced to park, and as we approached the house we could see that there were already several drunken children outside on his front porch, sitting amongst the glowing jack-o-lanterns.

As we got closer, I saw that most of the boys drinking were in fact my teammates, and I sighed quietly.

"Brilliant."

"What?" whispered Bella from beside me.

My reply seemed somewhat moot, as a loud wolf-whistle broke through the already raucous sounds of the party. For a moment I wondered if I would be able to convince Bella to leave her coat on for the rest of the evening.

"Bella! Looking good, hot stuff!" I recognised Newton's voice immediately, and I couldn't hold back the growl that came unbidden.

"Edward, you aren't really a vampire anymore," Bella hissed as we approached. "Humans don't generally growl, as a rule."

I simply rolled my eyes at her, as we stepped onto Newton's porch. "Cullen, you made it!" Connor shouted at me, and though it was nice to feel wanted, the yelling felt unnecessary. "And you bought _munchies_!"

There was a sudden general hubbub around us, as half a dozen drunken youths descended, snatching the snacks from Bella's hands faster than I had imagined possible. I was glad that I'd had a couple of sandwiches after dinner tonight, before we came out, as it was pretty obvious we weren't seeing any of our offerings again.

I didn't pause to speak to anyone outside, I kept my hand at the small of Bella's back, and guided her straight into the house. I had caught of whiff of what they were smoking outside, and I was certain that as Charlie's daughter, she wasn't going to be very impressed.

_No point spoiling her night for someone else's stupid choices._

Inside the house the party was in full swing, the loud music was coming from enormous speakers in the main family room, which we walked straight into off the porch. There were people everywhere, many students of Forks High, but there were also a lot of older people there, who looked like maybe college students, none of whom I recognised.

The Forks High students were all in costume, and I noticed that Bella hadn't been far wrong in her estimation of what the other girls would be wearing. The older partygoers were not in costume however, which struck me as odd for a moment, until I dismissed it. Some effort had been made to decorate the house for the event, plastic spiders and cobwebs hung from the walls, and there were several more carved pumpkins scattered around the room, in dark corners.

There were several of the Quileute present, standing grouped to one side, looking a little unsure of themselves. Since that day on First beach, some of the Quileute boys had been included in several of the team social occasions. Jacob Black was in the group, and when he spotted us he raised his hand in greeting, which we both returned.

The lights were dimmed by cloths hanging across the fittings, casting strange shadows across the room, and every surface was crammed with spilt drinks and food, the floor crunched as we walked across it.

"Jeez, Mike's parents are going to be _pissed_," Bella yelled, close to my ear so I could hear her over the racket. "There have to be a hundred people here; and look at the state of everything."

We were suddenly jostled to one side by a group of several college age men, all of whom were drinking alcohol, and waving it around in a very drunken manner. I dodged one of them with Bella just in time, as an entire cup of beer went flying through the air, hitting the carpet where we had been standing a second before, instead of us.

I kept my mind closed as far as possible, as all around me I could see eyes dragging themselves over Bella, and she hadn't even taken her coat off yet. Though, despite my efforts, I could still hear the lurid thoughts from many around the room, and my temper was beginning to boil to the surface rapidly.

Just at that moment, she started to take her coat off, and virtually every male eye in the room turned to her. Before she had even removed her arm from the first sleeve of her coat though, I stopped her, placing my hand on her shoulder.

"Bella, for the love of God, please don't take that off," I hissed, pointedly.

"Why on earth not? It's boiling in here, and no one can see my costume." She pouted, and to add to my overwhelming emotions in that moment, I was suddenly hard again as well.

_Oh, so not good._

"It depends, did you want to spend the evening bailing me out of prison, after I have beaten half of the males in this room into pulp?" She rolled her eyes at me, as if she thought I was exaggerating. I was not.

I glanced up when I heard someone chanting "_off, off, off, off" _in their head close by us, and I turned to see Mike and Eric watching Bella expectantly, having just followed us through the front door. I raised my eyebrow slightly, and channeled my inner vampire as I glared at them. I was pleased to hear their thoughts suddenly becoming uneasy.

_I've still got it._

We had made our way into the middle of the living room, and the noise and bodies surrounding us were overpowering. The room was very warm, which made the smells of beer and chips and sweat surrounding us all the more pungent. We moved through the crowd in the room as it ebbed and flowed, I wasn't even sure where we were going, I just wanted to keep moving. I was already planning on how quickly we could leave without being noticed.

"Bella! Edward!" I turned when I heard someone calling to us over the noise, but Bella didn't hear. I caught her arm and turned her in the right direction, just as Jessica Stanley appeared by my side.

"Oh. Hey Jess," Bella said when she saw her, and I could sense that she was making an effort to be civil, as Jessica ogled me blatantly. She was wearing a very similar costume to Bella's this evening, the main difference being the cat ears, and the fact that she had left the top two buttons of her already very revealing top open.

_One violent sneeze and someone's getting a black eye._

"So, Edward," Jess crooned as she used the movement of the crowded room to press herself up against me. "Are you Count Dracula?" She was clearly trying to be seductive as she batted her eyelashes at me, and I was doing everything possible to avoid hearing her thoughts in that moment. I wasn't sure my stomach could take it.

"Something like that, Jessica," I mumbled, as Bella angled herself between us.

"Do you want to bite me?" Jessica suddenly pulled her hair to one side, and angled her bare throat in my direction, her skin so close to my face suddenly that all I could smell was her pungent perfume. She was hanging over Bella, pressing against her so that her breasts were barely being contained by her top, and Bella's ass was resting firmly against my still throbbing erection.

_Oh, sweet Jesus._

I swallowed automatically, almost expecting to feel the burn of venom for a moment. Eighty-seven years as a vampire were not so easily forgotten that an offer like that wasn't going to have some kind of reaction. The very idea of someone offering their throat to me like that was still enough to make my heart pound in my chest. Ironically enough.

I unconsciously ground myself against Bella, as my eyes remained locked on the sight of Jessica's neck, and I suddenly felt an elbow in my ribs. I managed to tear my eyes away, as Bella pushed me back. I didn't quite feel like a recovering alcoholic would feel if presented with a drink, but the feeling must have been close. I almost felt frustrated for an instant that I couldn't make the most of her offer.

"Have you seen Angela, Jess? She said she was coming tonight," Bella ignored what had just happened, as she stepped back again, pushing me further away from Jessica's still prone throat. I didn't know if she had guessed how I was feeling, or if she was just pissed that I was even looking as Jessica flirted brazenly.

"Oh, yeah, she's around." Jessica looked disappointed as she stood up straight again, fluffing her curly hair so that it fell back over her shoulders.

_What the hell kind of person asks another human to bite them, for Heaven's sake?_

I accidentally opened my mind for a second, and was suddenly bombarded with the thoughts of everyone surrounding us. Several other girls nearby were mentally suggesting I bite them too, and the sheer ridiculousness of the situation suddenly got to me, and I burst out laughing.

Jessica glared at me for a second, before she spun on her heel and flounced off, but I couldn't stop. I was almost choking on my laughter, as Bella turned and smirked at me, clearly understanding the source of my amusement.

She leant into my body again, and wrapped her arms around my shoulders and pressed against me a little, as my laughter dried up suddenly. The look in her eye was mischievous, as she ran one hand down her neck and suddenly exposed her own throat to me.

"Would you like to bite _me_, Edward?" she whispered, as her other hand slid up the back of my neck to firmly grasp at my hair, as she guided my face forwards until I was pressed against her skin. Her voice had taken on a husky tone as she almost whimpered, "I think I might enjoy that."

_Oh, shit._

The entire evening had been like an exercise in torture for me, and as I stood with Bella wrapped around me, my face pressed against her skin and my hard on crushed against her belly, I almost came in my pants. My breathing was ragged, as I grabbed Bella's hips and pressed her hard against my cock, almost oblivious to the dozens of people around us.

"I just reached my limit, Bella," I rumbled into her throat, as I sank my teeth gently into her delicate skin, restraining myself enough to prevent myself from marking her, but enough so that we could both feel it. I closed my eyes and relished in the moment, after imagining doing this for so long, only to be acting on it now like this, was making my body scream for release. But as she moaned against me, I suddenly became aware that we were virtually giving a live sex show to the whole room.

I pulled away quickly, or I tried to, anyway, considering how tightly wrapped around me she was, and as I glanced around I saw too many eyes on us.

"Let's get out of here," she whispered, taking my hand, and dragging me out of the room.

The entire bottom half of my body was throbbing and I was seriously contemplating taking Bella upstairs and throwing her down on Mike Newton's parent's bed. But even in the state I was in, I couldn't bring myself to do it.

The hallway was dark when we left the main family room, and I could see by the moonlight that the bulbs had been taken out of the light fittings, probably to keep people away from the upstairs.

_Which means there are probably several empty and oh so private rooms within feet of you right now._

_Oh, shut up._

I leaned against the wall, and took a few deeps breaths as I tried to make my body relax, but my efforts were thwarted by Bella, of course, who came and leant up against me, resting perfectly against my overexcited body.

"Edward, are you ok?" she whispered into my shoulder, as I grasped my hands behind my back. All I wanted to do was touch her.

"Just… um…" I grunted when she shifted against me slightly, no doubt uncomfortable as she was being speared in the stomach by my enormous boner. "… Uncomfortable." I restrained myself from thrusting my hips into her body, as I tried to rack my brain for unsexy images.

_The time Emmett threw a dead Moose at Jasper, and it exploded on impact… the time I caught Esme and Carlisle doing it in a tree… _

"Mmmhmm." Suddenly her fingertips gently trailed up the length of my hard on, before pressing her palm firmly against it. In that moment my brain was empty again. "Maybe I can help with that…" Her hand shifted a little, and I moaned as my hips jerked slightly.

"There's so many people around," I replied breathlessly, as I futilely pulled at her hand. "Someone might come through here."As I spoke there was a loud bang against the door from the living room, and we both jumped.

"Then maybe we'd better be quiet," she replied as she moved her hand again. Her expression had me unraveling faster than I imagined possible and I helplessly lowered my head down onto her shoulder, desperate to give into my desires. I was so turned on that I was now shaking, the sheer power of my need for her making me forget everything else.

I could feel her hands moving around in front of me, and suddenly I felt her tugging at my fly. I mentally thanked God that my pants were quite loose on me, when I felt her hand wrapped around my burning length. Just the feel of her skin on mine had me clenching my jaw as I drew in a sharp breath. I already felt damp, and when she squeezed the tip of my cock I could feel her hand slipping across my skin on my own fluid, and I whimpered. It was almost ridiculous how quickly I was going to come if she kept this up.

"Bella, let me, I don't know…" I ran my hands up and down her body, but there was no way to touch her skin without undressing her, which I definitely was not going to do here.

I made do with cupping her covered breasts in my hands, as she stroked up and down my length, just once. I moaned as she did it, and began to move my hips, trying to get more friction against her hand, but she pulled away from me.

I was throbbing in my pants and moaning and writhing against the wall, but even as I tried to press myself back against her, she pulled away again. Didn't she have any idea of what she was doing to me? It was torturous, the ache in my balls becoming unbearable as my entire body cried out for release. I was getting to the point I was just going to grab myself and finish the job.

"_Edward…_" she moaned in my ear as she pressed her curves into me, moving needily against my body. Something inside me snapped.

I shoved myself away from the wall, and grabbed Bella's hand, marching down the empty hallway hurriedly. As we headed towards the back of the house it got quieter still, and when we got to a small doorway at the end of the hallway, I opened the door and pulled her in.

The room was tiny, containing just a washing machine, and dryer, but it also had the Holy Grail as far as I was concerned right then – a lock.

I locked the door and swiftly pushed Bella up against the washing machine, pulling her coat from her quickly as I pressed my chest into her back and she leant her hands against the machine. I pressed myself against her rear, and she moaned and ground down on me again, but when she tried to turn around, I stopped her.

"No, don't move," I hissed, as I put my hands over hers, restraining her up against the washer. "I like you like this."

I reached round in front of her and undid the button on the front of her shorts. I slipped my hand inside quickly, and moved down to her slit, finding her already slick and ready for me. She moaned my name as I stroked my fingers across her clit, and I could feel her thighs begin to tremble. I had her effectively trapped, and when she arched her body against me as her moans grew in intensity, she pressed against me again.

"Do you want me, Bella?" I whispered roughly into her ear, as I kept stroking her wet folds. I was resisting from plunging my fingers inside her for now, but I could sense her need as she moved against my hand.

She nodded, but that wasn't enough,

"Tell me, Bella, tell me what you want." I felt more moisture flooding over my fingers as she writhed against me, whimpering slightly, and for a second I thought she wasn't going to answer me. But then she did.

"I want you inside me, Edward." Her breathing caught in her throat, before she continued. "Then when you come… I want you to bite me."

_Oh shit._

I bit down on the inside of my cheek hard for a moment, to try to distract myself as I nearly lost it again in my pants. She really wanted me to bite her. I could hear it in the tone of her voice, feel it in the way her body reacted as she spoke those words, and I could find no reason to deny her. The room was full of the sounds of our labored breathing, and it was all I could focus on in the dark.

I pulled my hand out of her shorts, and quickly tugged them down to around her thighs. They were so tight I could hardly move them, and once I had gotten them halfway to her knees I gave up, and released myself from my pants. My pants dropped to the ground as my erection sprang free, and I rubbed myself on the skin of her ass.

"Now, Edward," she hissed, as she pushed herself harder against my length, as if to make her point. I pressed against the middle of her back to make her lean further over the washer, displaying her soft ass for me.

I lined myself up behind her, and thrust inside her fast. She was so wet and tight from this angle that I had to stop once I was inside her, still holding back from coming immediately. I shifted my hand back around and began to rub my fingers across her clit quickly, needing to make her come before I did.

Almost immediately she began to pant my name, and I could feel her fluttering tightness begin around my cock, and I quickly began to pump into her.

She was ridiculously tight in this position, and I began to stroke her clit even faster, desperate to make her come as I felt my own release build. I mentally thanked God when I began to feel her clench down on me, and she moaned my name loudly.

"_Edward… bite me." _Her skin was no more than an inch or two from my mouth, and without thinking I leant forwards and sank my teeth into her shoulder, avoiding the more delicate skin of her neck. She cried out in pleasure as I did, and the sensation of her skin under my teeth was enough to push me over the edge. I thrust into her hard, coming for what felt like forever as I made a series of embarrassingly loud grunts. I tried to restrain my teeth as I did, but I knew that she would have a mark from me in the morning.

As I relaxed a few seconds later, I felt all of the blood that had previously been in my cock rush to my face, as I realized quite how close to the rest of the party we were. People were obviously now moving into the hall from the noises outside, and I wondered if we would be able to make our escape without being noticed. My legs were still trembling from the force of my orgasm, and I was breathing hard against Bella's shoulder as she panted beneath me, but I was suddenly very aware of exactly where we were.

I left a soft kiss over my bite mark, and bit back my automatic urge to apologize for it, knowing how much Bella would hate it if I did. Instead I pulled out of her gently, and helped her to clean up and get her absurd excuse for shorts back on, before I got myself dressed again.

"Did I hurt you?" I reached out in the dark, and stroked where I had bitten her. I could feel the imprint of my teeth on her skin, and a surge of remorse hit me.

"Er, would you think less of me if I said yes, but that I liked it?" She chuckled, and I joined her, at once relieved, and a little turned on again. I had to admit that I'd really liked it too, even more than I thought possible. She smiled playfully at me. "I finally got you to _really_ bite me, Edward."

Suddenly a group of voices walked past outside, and we both held our breath as they walked past. The sounds of the party were even louder now, infiltrating our little hiding place, and I wondered what on earth had been going on while we were otherwise occupied. It occurred to me that we really should rejoin the party, and I groaned.

"What?" Bella said. I could see her soft smile in the moonlight from the window.

"We have to go back out there," I whined, knowing that I sounded like a child, but my irritation at the prospect of returning to the noise overrode my pride in that moment.

"Shall we just go? The people we do know here all seem to be drunk anyway, they won't miss us." I didn't like to point out to her that they were more than just drunk, so I simply nodded. "Let's go and say 'hi' to Angela and Ben, then let's go home. Charlie won't be back for ages." She gave me a sinful smile, and I remembered a whole host of reasons why I worshiped the very ground this woman walked on.

"Good plan."

Without further ado, I unlocked the door, and opened it cautiously, peering outside, to check that nobody had the chance to see our escape. There were groups of people congregated around the doorways at the other end of the hall, but nobody was facing in our direction to see as we left quickly, turning in the other direction and heading towards the kitchen.

_Newton's parents obviously do pretty well out of that store. Maybe I should tell Carlisle that they're ripping him off._

Even more people had arrived while we had been otherwise occupied, and the whole front of the building seemed to be pounding with the movement of bodies. I could smell marijuana in the house now, and the noise spilling onto the pavement outside seemed to be getting worse. I headed through the kitchen, towards the front door, wondering how long it was going to be until we got a visit from the police.

"Hang on, Edward," Bella said, as I tried to take her out of the large kitchen. It was shoulder to shoulder with people, and I was keen to get both of us away, the habit of being uncomfortable in such crowded places still not having left me. "We still need to find Angela."

I growled in annoyance, but immediately turned and headed back into the breach. Whoever said High School was hell had no idea how right they were.

We made our way back across the kitchen, where we found Angela sitting on the floor, leaning against a cupboard, laughing hysterically. Ben was sitting by her side, looking worried.

"Ang, are you ok?" Bella had crouched down beside her, her expression now matching Ben's.

"Bella! I'm _sooooooooo_ ok!" Angela threw her arm around Bella's shoulders, and laughed harder, as Bella looked to me and then Ben in confusion.

"What the hell?" Bella sputtered as she looked at Ben. "Angela doesn't drink!"

"Someone brought some dodgy brownies," Ben replied, he looked as concerned as Bella did sitting beside her. "Ang didn't know, and she hadn't had dinner. She ate a load of them before I realized what was happening."

"Benny, Benny, Bunny, Binny, Benny, Bonny, Benny…" Angela wittered to herself, as we watched, astonished to see her completely high.

"What on earth's going on here Ben? It's only…" I looked at my watch, and stopped when I realized quite _how _early it was, for things to have gotten quite so out of control. "It's only just gone nine o'clock! How on earth has everything gotten so out of hand so quickly?"

"I don't know. Mike put the invite on Facebook for tonight a couple of hours ago, and people just keep turning up. I haven't even a clue who brought the spiked Brownies."

"Shit. Edward, there's so much noise, the police are going to be here soon," Bella suddenly looked really worried, and I crouched down beside her to be able to hear her better over the music. "My Dad's going to murder us if we're at a party that gets busted."

I nodded my agreement; this was obviously not somewhere we wanted to be tonight. "Ben, can you take Angela home? I think we should all make a discreet departure."

"What about Mike, Edward?" Bella asked, and I groaned when I guessed what she was about to say. "He's going to get in so much trouble; shouldn't we try and help him get this sorted out?"

"I can't take Angela home," Ben interjected, suddenly looking panicked. "Her Mom dropped us off, she said she'd come and get us when we called."

"Can't no, not call my mom, no!" Angela suddenly interrupted, her words confused, and a look of dazed fear in her eyes. "I think I want to puke a bit…"

"Ok, honey, let's go outside." Bella grabbed Angela around the waist, and dragged her through the back door, leaving Ben and me standing in the kitchen, surrounded by noise and drink.

"Cool costume, by the way. You make a good vampire." Ben nodded in my direction, looking a bit worse for wear himself.

"Thanks." I bit back the sarcasm as much as possible; Ben had no idea of the nerve he had just prodded. "We ought to go and find Mike. Bella's right, he might need a hand sorting this mess out."

_God. I hate Halloween._

Ben looked at me uncertainly for a moment, before he nodded silently. I checked on Bella out of the kitchen window, and saw that she was holding on to Angela's hair, as she threw up to the side of the yard. Jessica and Lauren were both out there too, looking worried, so I left her confident that she would be ok while I was gone.

Suddenly the music went dead, and there was a little booing, but not much as the noise of the people in the house grew to make up for it. We headed towards the music centre, to find Newton, along with a few other Forks High boys trying to clean wine out of what looked like a very expensive Persian rug.

"Mike." Ben crouched down beside him. "You have to get everybody out of here, this is out of control!"

"You're telling me!" Newton replied, and when he looked up his expression was terrified. "I told my Mom there was only going to be about twenty of us, and no alcohol. She's going to shit a brick."

"We tried telling people the party was over," Tyler interrupted. He was leaning beside the music centre, clearly to prevent anybody from turning it on again. "No one seems to care; even now I've turned off the tunes."

There was a crash suddenly, and I looked up to see a large crack in the window directly opposite us, at the side of the house. Mike groaned, and leant his head down, almost as if he was in pain.

"I'm so dead. I might as well order the hearse now," he groaned, as shrieks of laughter began to ring out from somewhere nearby the broken window.

"Do you even know any of these people, Newton?" I asked, although I already knew the answer.

"No, I think they've come down from PA. I don't think I know anyone here who you don't. _Cullen_." He said my name pointedly at the end, and I realized that maybe, seeing as I was in his house and all, I ought to use his first name.

_Even if he is a jerk._

I looked around me for a moment, and counted that there had to be seventy or eighty people in the main room alone, that I didn't recognise. With the others in the kitchen, and moving into the rest of the house, there had to be over a hundred gatecrashers, far too many for a group of High School kids to deal with.

"I think we'd better call the police, before somebody else does." I sighed, as Mike began to shake his head furiously.

"He's right, Mike," Ben said from beside me. "Your place is getting trashed."

"There's pot here…" Mike hissed at us, looking from side to side nervously.

"You don't say." I rolled my eyes at him, through the thick blue smog of marijuana smoke that hung over the entire room. "I suggest you make sure that any you might have for personal use, _Mike,_ is suitably disposed of then, and you can blame the rest on the gatecrashers."

"Shit." He stood suddenly, and ran towards the staircase, as I pulled my cell out of my pocket and headed to the front door.

"I'm going to call Charlie," I said to Ben as I left. "Can you go and tell Bella, and then go and warn anyone we know that it's time to go home."

A few minutes later I was headed inside again, after one very irate phone call to Charlie. He was on his way back from Billy's, via the station to pick up a couple of extra officers, and had given me strict instructions to ensure that Bella and I were gone by the time he got here, as well as one other request. I found Bella inside with Ben, arguing with a rather drunk looking man who was trying to turn the music back on.

"Look, I said the party's over," she yelled, as she stood between the man and the sound system.

"Come on, bunny, put some music on, and we can dance," he slurred, and my fast walk turned into a run as he made to grab at her.

Ben was standing next to her, and I mentally thanked him profusely as he stepped between them, but he was suddenly reeling to one side as the man shoved him away.

Just as the guy stepped towards Bella again I was by his side, and I caught hold of his collar. I was a good inch or two taller than him, and in my fury I managed to almost lift him off the ground by the scruff of his neck as I pulled him backwards.

"Get the fuck away from her," I growled as he span around to face me. "She said, the party's over."

"Easy man." The man raised his hands to me in surrender. "I'm just having a laugh, and she won't put the music back on."

"As she said, _the_ _party's over_." I glanced at Bella, who looked fine, if a bit irritated. "And the police have been called, so I suggest you get the fuck out of here."

He looked at me in alarm for a moment, before he staggered away, headed towards a group in the kitchen, who just as quickly headed for the front door. I watched as he left, before I turned to Bella.

"I spoke to Charlie." She looked at me in disbelief for a moment, before she leant her head on my chest with a quiet wail.

"Oh, _Edward_! You called my _DAD?"_ She started muttering something unintelligible over the noise about me and Charlie, as she shook her head slowly from side to side.

"No, I called the Chief of Police. Mike will thank me for it in the morning; this party is completely out of control." I looked around at the throngs of people, searching for Newton, only to see him now trying to tape up the cracked glass in the side window. Bella saw me looking at him, and leant in to speak into my ear.

"Someone told Mike that if anyone cut themselves on that glass they could probably sue him." She laughed as she spoke, but knowing what I did about the law these days, I thought that whoever had said that probably wasn't far from the truth.

"Look, Bella," I said, knowing that our time was short. "Charlie made it very clear that if we are still here by the time _he_ gets here, he's going to be pretty mad. I don't think it would look good for him to be busting a party with his own daughter in attendance."

"Did you tell him about the drugs?"

I nodded, and Bella mirrored me. There was no way we could be here by the time the police turned up.

"Ok, we can't leave Ben and Angela," she said, looking around for them.

"No, plus Charlie had a special request as well." She looked back at me questioningly, as I glanced around the room quickly. "He was at Billy's when I called him, and Charlie asked us to take Jake with us, whatever he says."

I suddenly spotted Jacob on the other side of the room, taking what looked like a joint from another of the Quileute to one side of him.

"Oh, for God's sake! Right, you go and get Angela and Ben, I'll grab Jake, and I'll see you outside in three minutes. Ok?" She nodded as I quickly pecked her on the cheek, and charged over towards where Jacob was sitting.

**Bella**

I left Edward as he headed towards Jake, and pushed my way through the crowd into the kitchen. I was still wearing my coat, and I was absolutely sweating to death, but I had come around to Edward's point of view that maybe that was better. There were enough drunken men here that I had no inclination to attract any more attention to myself than I had to.

I got into the kitchen, and was irritated to discover that someone had managed to find a radio, and put it on. Pearl Jam was blasting into the room, as everybody jumped up and down as one, to the point that the whole floor trembled beneath my feet as I pushed my way through.

The kitchen lights were on, so I could see very clearly that there wasn't a soul in here that I recognised, and I assumed that Angela was probably still out the back with Jessica and Lauren, throwing up.

Mike had made some semblance of decorating the house, and the plastic skeletons that had been hanging in the kitchen were now being swirled around them room by one of the revelers. I couldn't help but notice with some dismay that several of the kitchen cabinet doors were broken, and that the food and drink that had been out was now all over the floor in here, as well as in the main room. Somebody had also clearly been doing something on the workbench I was edging my way down, as there were large smokey burn marks in the plastic.

I started moving a bit faster, via the kitchen was the fastest way to get to Angela for now, but once I was outside I had no intention of coming back in again. Rather than trying to push through the crowd though, I was edging my way around the room, stepping over the broken glass and general debris that was scattered everywhere I looked.

Finally I reached the door, and gasped a breath of fresh air with relief. The whole house was full of smoke, and the smells of too many people in a too confined space, and the cold, damp air in the back yard was a welcome relief.

I was relieved when I spotted Angela, where I had left her, now surrounded by Lauren and Jessica, as well as Ben, Tyler and Mike.

"Bella, hey," Mike called when he spotted me. We were the only ones outside, none of the gatecrashers seeming to want to venture into the rain.

"Hey, guys. My Dad's on his way, so… I need to go." I walked over towards them all awkwardly, really feeling like the Police Chief's kid suddenly.

"The Chief's coming? Fuck…" Tyler looked between Mike and me for a second, until Lauren spoke up.

"Ok, well, I have to go too. If I get busted my mom will have a bitch-fit." Tyler was nodding, and Mike just looked like he wanted to kill himself. Repeatedly.

"Ben, we need to go," I said to him more quietly. "Do you want to come with us? I definitely have to take Ang, but if she throws up in Edward's car I'm not going to be held responsible for his actions."

"Someone needs to stay with Mike. This isn't going to be a great night."

Almost as if to punctuate Ben's statement, there was an enormous crash from the kitchen. The air was suddenly filled with more yells, and people began to tumble into the yard from the back door.

"What _now?" _Mike virtually screamed, as he ran towards the kitchen door. When he got there he raised his hands to the back of his head, and rubbed it furiously. "The goddamned _kitchen_ _floor's_ given way! Oh my _fuck_. I think I'd better leave the country."

Suddenly I felt Edward's arm around my shoulder, and he pulled me against his chest tightly for a moment. His heart was pounding hard in his chest, and he was quite damp from the rain.

"What on earth was that crash?" he asked, as he kissed my temple fiercely for a moment. "That absolutely frightened the life out of me for a second there, Bella."

"Yeah." I heard Jake behind me and I turned to see him watching us quietly. "This guy can sure run when he needs to, Bells. You ok?"

"I'm fine. I was out here." Edward relaxed his grip on me slightly, and I could feel some of the tension drain out of him. "Mike reckons the kitchen floor's collapsed."

_It can't be good for him, how stressed out he gets about my welfare sometimes._

We all looked towards the kitchen doorway, from which a steady stream of partygoers was emerging. Edward gave a loud sigh, before he followed Mike over towards the doorway, which now had dozens of partygoers spilling out of it into the yard with us. No one seemed to be that worried about what had just happened, and I figured that most of them were too drunk to mind the fact that they were now standing around outside in the drizzle.

"We'd better make sure everyone's ok in there, N… Mike," Edward said, as he tried to peer into the kitchen to see what had happened inside. "I'm not sure that there are that many people here now sober enough to help if anyone's hurt."

Edward and Mike slipped into the kitchen a few seconds later, pushing their way through the crowd shoulder to shoulder. Once he was gone from my sight, I turned my attention back to Angela, who was throwing up again.

I wasn't sure how long it had been since Edward had phoned my father, but for the few minutes that he was inside the house again, I became more and more worried. It wouldn't look good for Charlie, if he arrived and both Edward and I were here. Even as we were standing around in the yard, I could see several people smoking dope, and I knew that Charlie was going to go batshit. He did _not _like drugs in his town.

After what felt like forever, Edward returned, looking grim.

"I've had to phone an ambulance too," he said in a quiet voice when he reached me. "A couple of guys were hurt when the floor collapsed; they were just lying on the floor with people stepping over them when we got there."

"You're kidding!" I couldn't believe that people were just ignoring somebody who was obviously injured.

"No, but they'll be fine. I helped Mike move them onto the couch, and the ambulance should be here shortly. Meanwhile, it is twenty-one minutes since I spoke to your father, and he gave us twenty to be gone from here, so I think it's time for us to beat a hasty retreat."

Tyler and Lauren were already gone, and as I picked Ang up off the floor, I touched Ben's arm.

"My dad won't give you too many problems. He's coming to break it up and send people on their way for the most part. Just maybe hang on and help Mike out with his parents, yeah?" I grimaced at Ben, knowing that he was at least going to get the drugs lecture from Charlie. But there was no way I could stay.

"Sure, I know. The Chief's a good guy."

"I'll make sure Ang gets home ok."

"Thanks, Bella."

Edward took some of Angela's weight on her other side as we walked around the side of the house. Jacob was walking on my other side, pouting, and glancing at Edward repeatedly. Edward in turn was ignoring Jacob entirely.

I was just beginning to wonder what the hell was going on between them, when I suddenly saw blue and red lights flashing up the walls at the side of the house.

"_Oh_, for the love of all that is _holy_, will it never _end_?" Edward hissed as we all stopped in our tracks. "Turn around, Charlie's exact words earlier were, 'if you're still there when I get there, neither of you will know the taste of freedom again until I get to liking soccer.'"

"That doesn't sound like something I want to wait around for," I muttered, as I wondered if Charlie would seriously try and ground Edward. "What do we do?"

We all looked around for a second, until the decision was made for us. The definite sound of footsteps started making their way towards the side of the house we were hiding down, and I was pretty certain they sounded like Charlie's.

"Over the fence!" Edward hissed, and all four of us scuttled towards the fence quickly, hoping that the utter blackness around us would give us a few extra seconds in which to escape. Even Angela had perked up, as the fact that we were about to get busted by the cops hit home, and she easily slid over the fence as Jacob helped her.

There was a splash as she landed on the other side, and I heard her say a word that I swore would _never _come out of Angela's mouth as Edward quickly helped me over the top. I landed a few seconds later with another splash, into Mike's neighbour's pond.

Angela was sitting in the water beside me, the water level was up to her shoulders and pieces of plant were in her hair. Her glasses were missing, and she was sitting quietly with a look of surprise on her face.

"Huh," I exhaled, as the temperature of the water hit me, and I stood up quickly, dragging Angela up with me as I did.

A second later both Edward and Jacob landed in the water behind us, and the combination of them hitting the water, and Angela's weight, dragged me back down into the pond, on top of Edward who was spluttering in disgust.

"What…?" Jacob said loudly, the only sound in the darkness over the splashing we were all making as we tried to escape from the slimy pond water, but he was greeted only by several 'shh' noises, as the footsteps paused on the other side of the fence, directly beside us.

We all stopped moving entirely, half in half out of the smelly water, as we waited to see if whoever it was would just walk on by, or choose to stop us. After a few seconds the footsteps resumed, but I was now certain that they had been Charlie, from the small snort of laughter I heard as they left.

We silently moved across Mike's neighbor's yard, somehow avoiding any further disasters in the darkness, and moments later slipped onto the sidewalk, headed away from Mike's house. I glanced behind me to see that there were two police cruisers outside, and the gatecrashers seemed to already be dispersing.

I turned around again and we all walked quickly towards where Edward had parked the car, relieved that we weren't too close to the house. As we walked the only sounds to be heard were the sloshing noises associated with the soaking wet clothes and shoes we were all now wearing. Angela was walking unaided now, having been woken up quite thoroughly by our impromptu dip, and we were back at the car within a minute.

The car was parked under a streetlight, and I couldn't help but laugh when I saw quite what a state we were all in. Every one of us had landed in the pond. Edward's formerly debonair tuxedo was now soaking wet, and he a large dark mark on his forehead, which looked like mud. Jacob hadn't been wearing a costume, but his white T shirt that he had been wearing was now brown, and his long black hair was dripping more filth down him as he stood shivering in the cold. Angela had been dressed as a witch, but her costume now looked far scarier than it had before, and I suddenly realised that the hat she had been wearing before was now missing. Fortunately, she had found her glasses at some point.

I didn't even want to think about what I must look like. The only thing I knew for sure was; I didn't _smell_ good.

"My car's never going to be the same again," Edward groaned as we all looked around at each other. "Au de swamp water. _Marvelous_."

"Maybe if we take our wettest clothes off…" Angela started to say, but Edward glanced at me, and simply shook his head.

"It's alright. There's damage on the trunk anyway. I'll take it and exchange it tomorrow. If Charlie lets us leave the house ever again that is." He pressed the button on his key, and the doors unlocked with their usual blip sound. "Get in. Let's go home. I knew there was a reason why I hated Halloween."

As I got into the car, I couldn't help but feel bad about the foul pond water and mud that I felt immediately oozing over the leather seat. In the light I could see that my costume was beyond ruined, and I mentally kissed my rental deposit goodbye.

From the squelching going on behind us as we drove to first Angela's and then Jake's houses, the back seats fared no better during the drive home. By the time we reached our own house that evening I was freezing cold, reeked of pond, and felt in desperate need of a shower.

"I hate Halloween," Edward repeated as he came around and opened my passenger door a few seconds later. "Promise me, Bella, next year, can we just stay home and watch a movie on the television or something?"

"You're not getting any arguments from me," I replied, as we walked towards the front door.

I had forgotten to leave the porch light on when we left tonight, and the house was in absolute darkness. I felt a shiver of fear run up my spine, at the same time as Edward shivered suddenly beside me. Despite the fact that it wasn't _actually_ Halloween that night, it still felt creepy being outside in the dark, having spent the evening with people dressed up in scary costumes. I told myself I was being silly as my key entered the lock, and I opened the door before us.

Before I could reach for the switch, the hall light suddenly flicked on, and I screamed as Edward jumped, and grabbed me tightly around my shoulders.

~oOo~

**A/N – I'm evil, I know. This is part one of Halloween, and the second part is mostly written, so you won't have to wait too long. **

**Thank you to everyone who reviews, I've been a bit blocked on this story recently, and knowing that people are reading and waiting genuinely helps me. Just for a change, everyone who reviews gets a teaser from the next chapter this time….**

**People have recently been asking me how long this story is going to be. There are approximately another 10-12 chapters to go, plus 2 epilogues, at the last count. And there won't be any sequels etc, the story will be fully told by the end of it.**

**I have two recs for you this week:**

"**Relative wind" by Mac214, is hot and as funny as hell, and was just finished a couple of days ago. Definitely worth a look, and in my favourites if you're interested.**

"**The Reeducation of Miss Swan" by my very own beta venomaddict is just a couple of chapters in, but I've seen way more than that, so I can assure you it's worth a look. It's another funny one, and I dare you to not be entirely grossed out occasionally too!**

**Anyway, who do you think turned on the light?**

**Til the next time,**

**Ria**


	31. Halloween Part II

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight! Eclipse isn't out in the UK yet either, so I have the hump.

Thank you to my beta venomaddict for always making things better, and to my prereaders for reading it fast!

A quick reminder: It has been six weeks since we last saw the Cullens, just after Jasper attacked Edward and Bella at her 18th birthday party, and Edward _nearly_ left.

~oOo~

**Bella**

_Before I could reach for the switch, the hall light suddenly flicked on, and I screamed as Edward jumped, and grabbed me tightly around my shoulders._

"And just _where_ have you two been?"

Edward and I stood in shocked silence for a moment, hardly daring to move in case we were dreaming. In the end, I was the first to react.

"_ALICE!_" I shrieked, as I threw myself at her. I wrapped my arms around her and squealed in delight, as I bounced up and down. She stiffened in my arms, even more so than was normal, and I suddenly remembered the fact that I stank.

"Oh my God, Bella, what is that all over you?" I stepped away from her, and Alice glanced down at herself. In the light of the single bulb that hung in our hallway, I could see a large, dirty, wet patch on her pale blue jacket. "And all over me!" she wailed shrilly.

At that moment Edward stepped forward and wrapped his arms silently around her as well; I could see that she was trying very hard not to protest. I was watching Edward in the light, and wondering why it was that he was somehow even muddier than me, when I was suddenly scooped up into the air by a pair of enormous arms.

"Not just Alice, little sis!" Emmett was grinning, and I hugged him hard as soon as I realized what had happened. "Though, I have to agree with her, what in the hell happened to you two tonight, you both stink like… I don't know… Fish shit."

Edward had stepped away from Alice, and as Emmett dropped me hastily he glanced towards her, then back to me, and grimaced. "And not just fish shit, wet dog too. Urgh, man, _seriously_! What in the hell passes for fun when you're a teenager these days? I gotta tell you dudes, I think you're doing it wrong."

There was a high pitched squeak from Alice's direction, which made my eyes flick over to her. Both her coat and skirt were soaked with the pond water and mud currently clinging to me and Edward; she was staring down at herself with her mouth open.

I couldn't help but giggle, and when she looked up at me, she did _not_ look pleased.

"He's right, you two both stink of the Mutts too," Alice glared between us, doing her best headmistress stare, with her hands on her hips. "You've both been vanishing on and off for weeks, please tell me you've not been making friends with the locals."

Meanwhile, Edward had walked up to Emmett, and they were exchanging very manly pats on the back, before Edward returned to my side. I caught his expression for an instant before he turned back to our visitors, and he didn't look anything like I expected him to. I could read him like a book these days, and he was furious.

"Well," he said coldly. "It's not as if you gave us much choice, the locals have been our only option of late."

"Edward," Alice said softly, and I could see that her expression was wary. But he didn't give her the chance to continue.

"Now," he said, not looking at either Alice or Emmett. His voice was cool and flat, but even I could detect that it shook slightly. "We've had a very long night, so if you don't mind…" He gestured towards the door.

"Edward!" I gasped, I couldn't believe that Alice and Emmett were actually _here, _and he was telling them to _leave_.

"It's ok, Bella." Alice patted my hand as she danced out of the door. "We're not going far. I need to change anyway, and you both need a shower. See you soon."

Edward growled from beside me as he watched her leave; I could feel how tense he was, as he just stood there. I reached out and took his hand as Emmett stepped through the door after Alice. Emmett's lips were pursed slightly, his usual smile was absent for once and it made me sad, but he gave me a small wave as he left.

A second later Edward pulled away from me and slammed the front door hard behind them, making it shake slightly in its frame, before he yanked it open and then slammed it again, even harder. He glared at the door for a moment as if it had somehow offended him, before he began to kick the bottom of it frantically. I was wondering what the hell I was going to tell Charlie about the damage Edward was inflicting, when he stopped and stepped back, breathing heavily.

"How dare they… How _fucking dare they _just walk into our lives again like that?" he spat, and I could see that he was shaking.

"_Edward…_" I whispered, reaching out for his hand again, but he stepped away, and he shook his head.

"No. _No! _They just _left _me… they have _no right _to…" He stopped and looked away from me for a second, and when he blinked a solitary tear dropped onto his cheek. He swiped it away quickly with his sleeve, before he turned around and ran up the stairs.

I stood frozen in the hallway for a moment, not quite sure what to do next. The last thing I wanted was for Alice and Emmett to go away again, and I was sure that was the last thing Edward would want too, once he'd had a chance to calm down a little bit. But there was no way that I was leaving him to follow them.

Instead I walked to the front door, and opened it. I leaned out, not expecting to see either of them, and spoke into the night. "I'll talk to him. Don't go too far. We've missed you."

Then I pulled the door closed again, and eyed the damage on the bottom of it for a second, before I hurried upstairs after Edward.

When I reached the top, all was quiet. I looked down at myself, suddenly remembering quite how filthy I was, but I didn't want to wait to talk to him for long enough to take a shower.

_But then I don't want to get pond all over everywhere either._

After a moment's hesitation, I decided that cleaning myself up really couldn't wait, so I turned towards the bathroom. I resolved to have the fastest shower in the history of cleanliness, and I was only half surprised to find Edward already in there when I opened the door.

He hadn't turned the light on, but there was enough moonlight coming through the window to be able to see clearly enough. I turned the light on anyway as I entered, still feeling a bit creeped out by being taken by surprise downstairs.

"I don't think we're getting our deposits back," he said, as light flooded the room. He was standing with his arms folded over his chest, looking out of the window into the back yard. He was still in his tuxedo, though by now he looked as bedraggled as me. I glanced at myself in the bathroom mirror to my left, and for the first time I noticed that my bunny ears were missing.

"No. I don't suppose we are," I replied, and I was relieved to see his lips quirk upwards into a tiny crooked smile.

I followed his gaze out into the night, and I wondered where Alice and Emmett had gone.

"Can you hear them, are they close?" I said, as his gaze returned to the dark.

"I can't hear their thoughts, no. Doesn't mean they can't hear us though." He quickly pinched his nose between his thumb and forefinger, and sighed. He sounded so tired that I couldn't hold myself back anymore, and I stepped forward and wrapped my arms tightly around him.

"I think they would give us our privacy, I don't think they'd eavesdrop." As I spoke I wondered to myself if that was true. Privacy had never seemed to be something that Edward's family was used to, or expected, so I wondered if it would actually occur to them to offer it to us now. "Anyway, Alice needed to change." I snickered slightly, as I remembered her expression after I'd hugged her.

"Alice, Emmett." I jumped as Edward addressed two people who were most definitely not in the room. It had occurred to me to do the same, but I must admit, I'd have felt too much like an idiot to actually do it right there. "If you _can _hear us, can I ask you to leave us for now please? I need a little… _space_."

We both paused, almost as if waiting for a reply, but there was nothing.

"Are you ok?" I asked him hesitantly after a pause. He had veered between angry and upset for weeks after his family had left, but recently he seemed to have accepted their reasoning. The way his face was furrowed now though, worried me.

"Yes, I'm ok. It was a surprise, suddenly seeing them like that. I don't see why they couldn't just come and knock on the front door like anybody else…" he trailed off as his eyes flicked to mine, and he chuckled. "I suppose I'm not really one to talk about that."

"No, not really." I could feel him relaxing in my arms as we spoke, and I was suddenly very aware of how appallingly we both reeked. "Look, I can't stand smelling like this anymore, Edward."

"No, I quite agree. Would you like to go first?" He gestured towards the shower, and I nodded in relief.

"Stay with me?" This was a serious _washing _shower, so I didn't really want to share it with him to be honest, but at the same time I didn't want him to go.

We both stripped down at the same time, and we threw our revolting clothing into a pile in a corner as we did. I slipped into the hot shower a few moments later, and as I washed the slime off of me, I watched as Edward gathered up our clothes and headed out through the bathroom door. For the first time in my life, even Edward in boxer briefs wasn't enough to distract me from the job in hand, as I lather-rinse-repeated until I finally managed to get the smell of pond out of my hair.

_Or fish shit._

_Thanks for that imagery, Emmett._

A couple of minutes after he had left, Edward returned to the bathroom, closing the door behind him before he sat down on the closed toilet lid, watching me, watching him.

His hair was dark with grime, and I could see smears of mud on his bare chest, reaching all the way down to the waistband of his underwear. His formerly severe expression was softer now, the edges of his mouth turned upwards rather than down. The sound of the shower running was too loud to allow us to have any easy conversation, so were both quiet as I washed. Edward wrapped me in a towel as I stepped over the edge of the bath a few minutes later, before he took his own time to wash himself. I sat and watched him as he did, and fetched him a towel when the time came.

I hardly any time at all we were in our room, tucked under the comforter, with our arms wrapped around each other in a comfortable embrace. It wasn't even that late, but Edward was right; it had felt like a long night, and I was tired.

We were quiet for a few moments, before he broke the silence.

"Is it alright, if we talk about this tomorrow? I just…" he trailed off.

In answer I leaned away from him and switched off the bedside light, before I kissed him softly on the lips.

"Whenever you're ready, baby," I whispered. "Just promise me something?"

He paused for a second, before answering. "What?"

"Don't do the thing where you wait until I'm asleep, then go off and lose it somewhere, ok? Just, if that's how you feel, I want to know. You're not on your own anymore, Edward." He had stiffened slightly under me as I spoke, and I felt his heart rate increase, my ear pressed tightly to his chest.

"You know I do that?" he whispered, and I had to restrain a smile.

"Yes. I know you do that."

"Oh." He paused for a second, no doubt taken aback that I was onto him. "Ok. I promise," he replied, as he squeezed me closer to his chest.

"Thank you." I could feel sleep chasing me already, but part of me still didn't feel ready to go. "If you need to do that, wake me up."

"Go to sleep, Bella," he whispered, and he began to hum my lullaby softly. I listened to him for a long while, he didn't always sing me to sleep now, in fact he tended to be asleep before me these days, but even when he stopped I knew that he was still awake. His lips ghosted across my forehead, as I gave in to the dark.

~oOo~

I woke later that night, or should I say early the next morning, to the sensation of Edward's fingers caressing my face softly. I lay quietly for a few moments, simply enjoying the feeling of his touch, before he leant forwards and whispered in my ear.

"I always know when you're pretending to be asleep you know."

I smiled as I opened one eye, only to find that we were almost nose to nose in bed, his eyes no more than a couple of inches from mine. I leant forwards quickly, and pecked a kiss on his lips before he could react.

"I wasn't pretending to be asleep, I was enjoying not being quite awake." I smirked as I looked over at my clock, to find that it wasn't yet four. Our room was still dark, not even the glow of the early morning sun yet battling against the curtains, the only light being the green glow of the alarm clock. "So… Have you slept?"

"A little." The dark circles under his eyes, visible even in the limited light, made me think that it must have been a very little, if at all.

"Is Charlie home?"

"Yes, he wasn't very late actually. Though he stomped around the house in a fairly bad tempered manner when he did get in, so I have a feeling that we will be getting some sort of consequences from last night." Edward half smiled at me, and I relaxed at his expression. He looked peaceful.

"So… Alice and Emmett… surprising…" I marveled at my own lack of articulateness as I spoke, but I really wanted Edward to tell me how he was feeling.

"That's what I was thinking," he replied, and his eyes looked off into the distance over my shoulder. I waited for a minute, but he didn't continue.

"Why are they back?" I'd assumed that he had heard more in their thoughts in the time they had been there, but he simply shrugged his shoulders.

"I don't know," he whispered, and his tone was odd. "Their thoughts were not very forthcoming. I think they're all coming back though."

Despite the fact that he no longer seemed furious or upset, as he had the night before, he still didn't appear to be as delighted by the news of his family's return as I was. I buried my face into his bare chest as I tried to work out how to ask him what was wrong, inhaling his pure clean scent as I did. There was simply nothing better in the world than waking up pressed against his warm skin every day. I was the luckiest girl on the planet, and I knew it.

"I'm sorry I woke you," he whispered suddenly. "But you did make me promise you."

Ok, so he was freaking out. I needed to know why, since to me the Cullens returning home was a good thing, I couldn't understand why that wasn't true for Edward too.

"Ok, I'm glad you did. Tell me why?" I whispered into his chest, conscious that the last thing we wanted to do was wake Charlie up with our talking, at this time of the morning. "You don't think your family poses any kind of risk to us, do you?" I couldn't imagine that they would return if they thought this might be the case, but I knew that Edward worried too much about my safety.

"No…." he said slowly, and I cursed the darkness as I couldn't make out his expression. "I just wonder…"

I was beginning to get frustrated as he paused for a couple of minutes. I waited as he clearly needed time to think, but soon I started huffing with frustration when he didn't reply.

"Sorry," he said after even longer, with a small chuckle. "I don't know why they're back, but I suppose we'll find out."

But it was too late, he had been quiet for too long, and by the time he replied I was drifting again. I wrapped my arms tightly around him as I fell asleep, and hoped that whatever was worrying him would wait until the morning.

When I finally woke up properly, the light was breaking through the curtains, making the room bright enough for me to see Edward as he lay asleep beside me. He was lying on his back, with one arm loosely wrapped around my shoulders. He had dark circles beneath his eyes, and when he didn't even rouse when I got out of bed to visit the bathroom, I guessed that he hadn't slept the night before until very late.

I showered again; just to be sure I was fully pond-free, before I crept back into our room to dress. Through all this he slept without stirring, so once I was ready I crept out of our room, closing the door gently behind me.

Our disturbed night had caused me to sleep in as well, so it was already ten by the time I got downstairs. I had expected Charlie to have gone fishing hours ago, so I was surprised when I reached the kitchen, and found him sitting at the breakfast table, with his arms folded looking at me.

"Dad!" I exclaimed, as I walked into the room. I didn't remember the last Saturday that Charlie had been home at this time. "Not fishing today?" I couldn't deny that Charlie's tendency to be out of the house all weekend was something that I enjoyed, it felt like Edward and I lived alone a lot of the time. A fact which we made the most of.

"Nope… Where's Edward?"

"He had a really rough night. He's still asleep." I didn't want to mention that the Cullens were back to Charlie yet, I wasn't sure whether they wanted anyone else to know what was going on. I decided that keeping my mouth shut was the best idea.

He was quiet as I made myself a bowl of cereal, and as I sat down a few moments later, I prepared myself for the lecture.

"So…" I said, as he raised an eyebrow questioningly. "How bad was Mike's house last night?"

"Bad enough that I don't think he'll be worrying about what to with himself for a fair while," Charlie replied, his expression calm, but entirely without humor. "His parents got home before I left. Mrs. Newton sure has a pair of lungs on her."

"Oh." I couldn't help but feel sorry for Mike. It had been naiveté that had led to the disaster that had been last night's Halloween party, rather than bad intentions, but truthfully, I hadn't really thought about it since I had got up that morning. I had been too distracted by seeing Alice and Emmett.

"There were some things going on at that party last night Bella…" His voice started to get quiet, in the way it always did when there was anything important to talk about. "I hope that I don't have to tell you all of the reasons why you need to not get involved in that kind of thing."

He paused and looked over at me expectantly, and I nodded.

"Good. Edward warned me exactly what was going on when he called, though I'm disappointed that _you_ didn't call me earlier."

_Hang on._

"Dad, I don't have a cell phone, and we'd not been there long when Edward called you." I was suddenly feeling irritated, Charlie was definitely implying that we should have called him earlier than we did, and that I should have been the one to do so. "If anything, Mike should have called the cops, it was his house getting trashed."

"Maybe, but I think maybe you can both take the weekend to think about it," he said firmly, as he handed me some leaflets. "And I'd like you to read these, to remind yourself of all of the reasons not to take drugs."

"I didn't take any drugs!" My voice was becoming higher pitched, as I grew indignant at being punished, when I had been one of the people helping to sort out last night's disaster. "And what do you mean 'take the weekend to think about it'?"

"I mean, you're grounded. Til Monday morning. Both of you. No one comes in, no one goes out." I started to try and interrupt, but he continued talking over me. "Bella, I'm not being unreasonable. I've been on the phone all morning to other parents of kids at last night's party. Angela has been pretty sick overnight, and I think that taking her home without getting her checked out in the state she was in was pretty irresponsible to begin with."

"Well, at least we took her home!" I sputtered, utterly incredulous that I was about to be punished for something that wasn't my fault.

"True, though the ER would have probably been a better bet." I started trying to interrupt again, but he held his hands up and glared at me. I pressed my lips together in annoyance, but stayed quiet while he finished.

"Bells, this is a cross-parent decision here, the entire of Forks High senior class is getting a similar talk this morning, so don't feel victimized. I know you two helped out last night, but to be honest, you should have walked in, and then turned around and walked straight out again, but you didn't.

"Most of your class is getting a much longer punishment, and I heard Mrs. Newton telling Mike that he was grounded until he left for college before I left last night. I just want you both to stay home over the weekend and let the dust settle is all." I had just started to think about all the things Edward and I could do over the weekend in the house, when Charlie put in the final blow.

"A couple of days at home with your Dad won't hurt you much, will they?" I groaned internally as I shook my head. A weekend at home with Edward could be fun. But with Charlie around as well? Not so much.

Edward didn't appear until lunchtime, but even then he arrived downstairs in nothing but a pair of sleep pants, much to both his and Charlie's embarrassment. He had clearly also been expecting Charlie to have been out fishing, and he walked into the living room, scratching his bare chest with one hand, and running his fingers through his tousled bronze hair with the other.

When their eyes met, as Charlie glanced up from the TV, it was a contest to see who could look away the fastest. Charlie sputtered a quick good morning as he turned his attention back to the game in front of him. Edward simply coughed, before he turned around and headed straight back upstairs. I couldn't hold back a small giggle when I heard Edward trip on the stairs in his hurry to get away from being half naked in front of my father, but Charlie didn't meet my eyes again until Edward was back downstairs, fully dressed a few minutes later.

Over lunch Charlie gave Edward the same talk that he had given me, to a very different response. Edward agreed with Charlie when he said that we took too long to call him, and apologized for not doing so sooner. He nodded gravely when Charlie started talking to him about the dangers of drugs, and accepted his punishment without complaint.

As the conversation turned to baseball, I groaned and stalked off to my bedroom to do some homework. Edward followed me a few moments later, and I scowled at him when he entered.

"What?" I rolled my eyes as he looked back at me, obviously confused.

"Why didn't you argue about being grounded? I can't believe we're being punished over last night!" I wasn't really annoyed at Edward, but I had been relying on him to talk Charlie out of grounding us. He seemed to get his own way much more than I did these days.

"Charlie feels badly enough about it anyway, love, and it's not as if we had big plans this weekend." He shrugged, as I looked on incredulously.

"Your family? We can't go to see them now, and they can't come here, unless they want Charlie to know they're back!"

"Monday will be fine by me. It's not like they've rushed to see us, is it?"

It was then that I finally got it. Edward was more than happy to have an excuse to put off seeing them for a couple of days, and Charlie had just given it to him. I was buzzing with frustration. I was desperate to see all of them, especially Alice who I had missed beyond words, and now I had to wait, and Edward was _glad_.

"Alice will know, it doesn't matter that we can't call. They'll come and see us here after school on Monday." I just looked at him, confused.

"Have you spoken to her?"

"No. Don't need to." He shrugged again, before he turned and sat down in front of his pretend piano. He hunched over the keyboard slightly, and began to play a soft melody that I didn't recognize.

I listened to him for a while, Edward was still a wonderful pianist, and as I listened he varied the tune he was playing all the time, which made me think that he was actually composing rather than just playing. His expression was utterly calm, but at the same time focused as he played, and I couldn't help but watch his long elegant fingers as they caressed the keys.

"I love you," I said softly, before I even knew I was going to say it. I felt myself start to blush; feeling utterly exposed saying it to him as he sat on the opposite side of the room to me. "I just… don't think I say it enough."

He'd stopped playing and turned to face me wearing a dazzling crooked smile, but he didn't get up from his seat. "You say it every time you look at me, beautiful girl. But it's always nice to hear."

We both gazed at each other for a few moments, wearing matching smiles, before he turned back to the piano and started to play something which I recognized almost immediately as Clair de Lune. Both of us thought of that as 'our song', and I closed my eyes as he played, remembering the first time I had heard it in his presence. I tried to picture Edward as he had been then, and I found that the picture in my mind was fading rapidly. These days when I thought of Edward, he was warm and soft, with the most beautiful green eyes that had ever existed.

After a while I turned back to my books, as he continued to play. Despite his newly human mind, Edward still didn't need to study. He was easily maintaining his 4.0 GPA, though he insisted that having been through senior year seventeen times already, even an idiot would be able to do the same.

I wasn't sure that I agreed. Edward had clearly always been clever, even as a human, but I still needed to work hard to keep my grades up. Both of us had applied to some of the best schools in the country; Edward had made me apply to every college that he had, including Yale, Princeton and Dartmouth, and insisted that he would only accept wherever I got accepted. That did mean that I needed to get accepted by at least _one _of them though.

_Now _this _is something that's keeping me up at night._

Edward had applied to pre-med courses primarily, I had expected nothing less, and I had applied solely to English courses. Edward had convinced me that the money that he had should be used to allow both of us to do exactly what we wanted to with our lives, so I was less focused on my future career when I chose my courses than I would have been otherwise, so I chose something that I loved. I'd worry about what to do after college, _after _college.

_Assuming that I make it to college._

Having Edward at home with me, and the distractions of our first few weeks of his new humanity, had made me focus less on school than I would have done usually, I knew that. Somewhere along the way, my grades had slipped, and Edward was now tutoring me to try to help me catch up. The trouble was, when your tutor is impossibly handsome and as horny as hell, and you have the house to yourselves a lot of the time, it's easy to get distracted.

In the end we spent the weekend studying, and though I was surprised that Alice made no effort to contact us, Edward wasn't. I had never really been around all of the Cullens enough to understand how they used Alice's gift day to day, but now I was starting to gather how much they all clearly relied on it. The way it hadn't even occurred to Edward to phone any of the others when he was trying to contact his family, just after they left, and now the fact that we didn't even need to speak to them for them to know when to come, made it that bit clearer. I did wonder about it a little though. Surely even Alice wasn't infallible?

That Monday morning I had half expected to see Alice arrive in our homeroom first thing. Emmett had already graduated last year, but I wondered if Alice would be back that morning.

She wasn't.

Instead over the day we compared notes with our classmates over the results of Saturday night. Angela had spent most of Sunday feeling pretty sick, but was recovered enough to come into school by Monday morning. She had escaped punishment, as her parents were angry on her behalf, rather than at her. She was much luckier than some.

Ben had been at the house when Charlie had arrived, and been party to Mrs. Newton's outburst on her return home. He said that Mike had been told that he was working in the store for every weekend for the rest of the year for nothing, to pay for the repairs. As well as that, Charlie had been right when he said that Mike was grounded for some time to come. Mike seemed to be embarrassed about the whole debacle, and he was missing from our lunch table for the first time since the beginning of the year.

Most of the rest of the class had also been grounded, for any length of time from two weeks to two months. Lauren's mother had found a joint in her bag when she had arrived home, apparently she is as stupid as she looks, and she had been grounded for three months. To add insult to injury, as far as Lauren was concerned, she had also been told in no uncertain terms to find a weekend job.

Edward and I had come to an unspoken understanding that we wouldn't elaborate on our punishment to our friends. I figured that it wouldn't look good for Charlie to be seen to be being too soft on us, and also that we wouldn't be very popular if everyone learned that we had effectively gotten away scot free. I silently thanked Charlie for being cooler than he seemed, as Jessica complained about her four weeks of incarceration.

Monday was actually Halloween this year, though it seemed very few of the Forks Senior class were going to get the opportunity to do anything on the night itself. As I ate my lunch and stopped listening to everyone else complain, I wondered if this year we would get to spend Halloween with some real life vampires.

When we arrived home there was still no sign of Alice or Emmett, and I began to worry that maybe they had left again. I was wondering what we would do if they didn't come back, as I got us both a soda from the fridge, when I felt Edward behind me.

"They'll be here, Bella," he murmured into my hair, as he pulled me into his arms.

"Why are they taking so long? It's been three days, where are they?" I wasn't actually trying to make Edward feel bad, but I couldn't help but allow the worry to creep into my voice.

"I haven't decided to talk to them yet." I turned to look up at him incredulously, and he gave me a humorless smile.

"Why not?"

"Because… I don't know, I honestly don't know what to say to them. I can't believe that they cut off contact the way they did, though I had thought that I understood why they did it. Now though… It just doesn't make sense." He seemed to be getting agitated as he spoke, so I stretched upwards and pressed my lips against his firmly for a moment, effectively stilling his rambling thoughts.

"Then let's just ask them. Edward, it's _Alice_."

"Yeah. I know." He sighed, and gave a small nod. "Ok, yes, let's talk to them."

As the final word left his lips, there was a knock on the door, and he rolled his eyes and smiled.

"Speak of the devil?" I asked, though I hardly needed to.

"Indeed." He nodded as I pulled away from him, holding onto his hand as we approached the front door together, opening it to be confronted by Emmett and Alice, this time both looking a little more subdued.

Neither of them said anything, both watching Edward expectantly for a minute, before he stepped back to let them enter.

It was just Emmett and Alice again, part of me had expected more of them this time for some reason, but moments later all four of us were standing facing each other in our living room. The silence lingered, becoming more and more uncomfortable.

"You grew," Alice finally said tenderly, looking at Edward with her eyes wide. She stepped forward enough to be able to put her hand on his bicep. "Not a lot, maybe an eighth of an inch, but you did. And you're…" She ran her hand up and down his arm, almost questioningly. "You've been working out. I didn't expect… You're different."

"Baseball," he muttered, looking down at the floor, before he looked back into Alice's face. "I go to the gym, to keep fit ready for the start of the season in the spring."

"It's only been six weeks," she replied. She sounded upset, and Edward took a small step towards her. I could tell from the way they looked at each other that she was saying more in her mind. In his family's absence, no one but me had known about his strange gift, and I hadn't missed the silent conversations.

Edward nodded before he replied. "It's going to keep happening."

Alice looked sad as she nodded, and she reached out to him again, and touched his hair. It was a little longer now than it had been even when he was a vampire; he had been growing it as he knew I liked it like that. The minuscule changes in Edward that had happened over the last six weeks seemed to be a huge deal to her, and she ran her hands over his arms and chest for a few seconds, almost seeming to catalogue the changes she had missed. I knew it still had to be strange for her, the very fact that he was changing at all, but I was surprised by how poignant she seemed to find it.

Eventually we all sat down. Edward and I sat together on the couch, while Emmett and Alice sat down in the chairs on the other side of the room. The atmosphere between us was strange, almost formal, as we looked at each other from across the room. Emmett looked uncomfortable. The chair he was sitting in was too small for his large frame, and the tension in the room was clearly affecting him.

"I wondered if you'd be at school today," I said after a moment, and Alice's sad expression changed into a smile as her gaze moved to me.

"I didn't want to come before we'd seen you, but tomorrow, I'm there! Oh, Bella, it's going to be so nice to be back!" She bounced in her seat a couple of times as she spoke, and I could sense her excitement at the thought of it.

The mood in the room began to lift almost immediately, and both Edward and I relaxed into each other. Edward took my hand as Alice spoke, and began to make tiny figure eights in my palm.

"Me too," Emmett suddenly said, and both Edward and I swung our heads towards him quickly in surprise.

"Huh?

"What do you mean?"

"I'm going to be at school tomorrow. Not as a student, obviously." Emmett grinned as he took on our surprised expressions. "I'm going to be a grown up this time."

"Do you know how to be a grown up, Emmett?" Edward said with a scowl, though his eyes danced with humor.

"Yeah, I mean, I'm going to be a teacher, so I just tell all you little kids what to do and shit. Right?" Emmett suddenly looked a bit uncertain, and I had to laugh at his expression, before I realized what he'd just said. It didn't take Edward quite that long.

"You're going to be a teacher? What of?" Edward rolled his eyes dramatically, but I could tell that he was enjoying the banter with his brother already. "I'm sure most of Forks High already knows how to burp the alphabet, and I don't suppose that there would be great demand for bear wrestling."

"I'm going to be the assistant sports coach, actually." Emmett smiled at Edward sweetly, as his jaw dropped open. "So when I say I'm going to be telling you kids what to do and shit, I think that applies to you more than Bella, Eddie-boy."

Edward glared at Emmett for a moment, before he threw himself backwards into the couch, dramatically.

"Oh, fuck my life!" he whined, as Emmett began to laugh heartily.

"It's ok, Eddie, I'll make every effort not to show any favoritism towards my little brother!" Even I could hear from Emmett's tone that _favoritism _wasn't something that Edward would need to be worrying about.

Edward pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger, and groaned. His eyes were closed, and he made no effort to sit up and rejoin the conversation, so I figured that I'd find out what the hell had been going on for myself.

Alice turned her attention to me immediately, and for a moment I was distracted by the thought of how much of this conversation she had already seen. Did she already know what I was going to say next? Had this whole conversation already happened in her mind? After a second I dismissed the thought, but decided to talk to Edward about how it worked after she had gone.

Then it occurred to me that she'd probably just seen how that conversation would go as well. I shook my head and dismissed the thought, attracting a questioning look from Edward.

"Where have you guys been?" I said softly, as I tried to forget about my confusing thoughts about Alice's visions for a moment. "We were looking for you." Emmett looked away, his expression sad, but Alice never took her eyes off of me. Beside me I could feel that Edward had tensed in his seat.

"We went to Alaska first," Alice said, turning her head slightly and addressing her answer more to Edward than me. That was fine by me though, I was asking on his behalf anyway. "Jazz needed a few days to get over everything. He still feels awful about what happened. He still isn't sure if he's coming back. He doesn't want to put you at any risk."

"Oh, no!" I said softly. The last thing I wanted was for Alice and Jasper to be separated because of my stupidity.

"You have to convince him to come home, Alice," said Edward, surprising me by the strength of his voice. "He had the chance, and even with fresh blood in the room he didn't bite me. He should come back."

Alice just nodded, before she carried on.

"We were still there the day you tried to phone. I wasn't actually ignoring you that day by the way, there was an… incident." My heart began to race in alarm, before Emmett guffawed beside Alice.

"Yeah, the mighty Alice dropped the ball."

"Polar bears don't exactly make conscious decisions about their plans, Emmett."

"What?" I said, as Edward began to laugh beside me.

"I put my phone down for a few minutes," she replied as she rolled her eyes at Emmett who was now laughing along with Edward. "But it must have had some blood on it or some kind of scent, as a young polar bear got it, and walked off with it."

"Why didn't you just go and get it back?" I asked. Seeing as Emmett's favorite meal was irritable grizzly, it seemed to me that kleptomaniac polar bear would probably do just as well.

"We don't go near the polar bears these days," Alice replied, before Emmett interrupted her.

"Which is a travesty, as they're finger lickin' good!"

"Emmett, do you mind?" Edward scolded him, between his now slowing chuckles.

"They're an endangered species. So we don't go near them at all," Alice continued, as she watched Emmett and Edward as they continued to chuckle with disdain. I figured from their reaction that there was something I was missing. "But I thought if I chased it, and growled at it, it might drop my phone and run away."

"What happened?"

"It ate the phone," Alice replied.

"And then it chased Alice up the middle of Barrow town centre, just as a large group of humans came out of a bar!" Emmett almost crowed, and Edward began to chuckle again. In a way I envied the fact that he was probably getting eye-witness footage of the events from both Emmett and Alice.

"So I couldn't exactly turn around and slap the stupid bear for chasing me, not in front of all of them," she explained, and I grinned at the image she just put in my head. "So I had to run away squealing like a human would do, staying just out of the bear's reach while a large group of drunken humans proceeded to chase it away for me."

"Jasper was pissed," Emmett added.

"I had to pretend to be the frightened maiden in distress afterwards. The humans weren't _that_ drunk, so I had to put on a good show," Alice waved her hands about her face dramatically. "I felt like an idiot."

Edward had stopped laughing by now, and when I glanced at him I could see that his mood was improving, but he still looked mad. I moved closer to him on the couch, so I was curled up into his side, and he relaxed as I wrapped the hand he wasn't holding around the crook of his elbow.

"Ok, but you must have seen me calling. _Christ. _I've left you so many messages." He pulled away from me slightly and ran his hand through his hair. He sat forward in his seat, leaning towards Alice as he spoke. "You could have called me. I've been going out of my mind, I didn't even know if you were ok."

"But, Edward, just, _look_ at you." She gestured towards him with her hand, as she smiled at us both. "You don't need us, and you needed some time away from us to really understand that. I've been watching you, you've settled into your new life so well. I'm so proud of you. _We all are_."

"You still could have called me."

"It wouldn't have been the same. You know that if you want to live a human life, that can't include us, and you had to know that you were capable of doing that." Alice spoke emphatically, and she nodded her head as she spoke.

"Why are you back now?" I asked. If they had left because Edward needed to learn to live without them, did the fact that they had returned mean that he had 'learned'? He was in a much better place than he had been a few weeks ago, that was for certain, but I still wasn't sure that I would go so far as to say he was perfect. His nightmares still came and went, and I knew that the fact that he was so much weaker than he had been before did not sit well with him.

"Well, Edward seems to have found his feet, so to speak, and we still have time to go in Forks…" Alice didn't hesitate in her reply, but something still didn't ring true for me.

The reason she gave for leaving, didn't quite make sense alongside their reason for staying. After a moment's thought I dismissed my concerns, I was so happy to see them; I didn't really care why they were back.

"Dude, what was up with the other night, anyway?" Emmett said, while I was still considering Alice's reply.

"Oh, God, just don't even ask. We had to go to a Halloween party." Edward rolled his eyes as he said Halloween.

"And that was held in a swamp, _why_?" Alice asked, and it struck me as strange that she hadn't seen the events of Friday night for herself.

"It wasn't in a swamp."

"It was at _Mike Newton's house._" Edward groaned, with almost comical horror. "The police were called, and we had to climb over a fence to avoid Charlie."

"How come you don't know this already, Alice?" I asked her, the fact that she seemed to know every word that we said to her before it was said, but hadn't seen the disaster that was Mike's party, didn't make sense.

"You smelled of the mutts when you arrived home. Whenever you're around them, I can't see you at all. It's like you vanish. We were worried."

"The wolves weren't there on Friday night though. I didn't see Sam at all, did you Edward?" I looked towards him, as I heard a splutter from Emmett.

"Sam? What, are you guys on first name terms with our mortal enemies now?" Emmett glared between us incredulously.

"They're not _our_ mortal enemies, Emmett," Edward replied softly. "But, no, they weren't there that night."

"Well, someone there was smelling pretty wolfy, even your car stinks dude."

At that Edward and I exchanged glances. He had already told me that Jacob was likely to become a wolf one day, and even I had noticed how much he had grown in the last few weeks. I felt a surge of pity for Jacob for a moment. I only knew what Edward had been able to tell me about the transformation he would go through, but I knew that it would mean that his life was no longer his own.

"Now we're back, there is every chance that they will begin to view you as enemies again," Alice said, attracting mine and Edward's attention away from each other. "It would probably be best if you don't socialize with them from now on. Especially as it makes it so hard for me to watch over you both."

"As it is, we're having to live in the crappy house in Port Angeles and commute," Emmett continued. "Carlisle doesn't want us doing anything to cause another argument with them, so we're not coming back here to live as such."

I had to fight the urge to defend the wolves, as I knew that my first loyalty really should lie with the Cullens. But I silently decided to ignore Alice's warning. Sam had saved my life that day on the beach, and maybe Edward's too, and ever since then the Quileute kids had been welcomed to a degree by the Forks High kids. They were around a lot, and it would be difficult for us to avoid them.

Then, there was the fact that I didn't want to.

"Did you tell them in Denali… you know, about me?" Edward asked, changing the subject much to my relief, but he suddenly looked nervous.

"No. We think the fewer people who know about what's happened to you, the better. It means there are less who may have to lie when the time comes." I shivered as Alice said that, as I remembered back to what Edward had told me about the Volturi.

"Obviously, we don't want to get Tanya too excited either, do we Eddie? You know she likes 'em better warm!" Emmett winked at Edward, and I frowned. Tanya?

"Who's Tanya?" Edward was already pinching his nose, so I knew that there was something going on here. Suddenly visions of a beautiful vampire woman with Edward started to flit through my mind. Despite what he'd said about it only ever having been me, I knew that Edward was over a hundred years old. There was no way that he had no kind of history at all.

"She's one of the Denali vampires. Another vegetarian," Edward replied, before Emmett interrupted.

"She fancies Eddie."

"No she doesn't!" Edward looked horrified, and despite the fact that I really didn't feel threatened, a sharp stab of jealousy surged through me.

"Yes she does. She spent the whole time we were there pumping us for information about why you _weren't _there." Emmett grinned widely, and I was sure I heard Alice sigh before he began to sing. "Edward and Tanya, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love-"

"Emmett, for the love of God, will you shut up before I do it for you!" Edward yelled, as they both scrambled to their feet.

"I'd like to see you try, flesh-boy. What are you going to do, feed me to death?" Emmett stepped towards Edward at human speed, as if to lunge at him, but in a quick move Edward ducked and put his foot out. Emmett stumbled, and fell head first into the coffee table. There was a load crunch as he flattened it. "What?"

"You forget, Emmett, I can still read your mind, and I've been fighting you for decades," Edward said, but from his expression I knew that this wasn't over.

Charlie still hadn't noticed the damage Edward did to the front door on Friday night, but he was going to notice the newly flattened coffee table. For a moment I wondered just how we were going to explain that one when he got home.

In a sudden move, Emmett caught Edward, and in a flash he was dangling from Emmett's grip. Edward struggled, but he wasn't really making a huge effort, he knew better than anyone how pointless it was.

"Emmett, I'm human and you're a vampire. When I knocked you down, that was impressive. This is just bullying." Edward had stopped struggling, and was doing his best to glare disapprovingly at Emmett, as he held him in the air by his armpits like a naughty toddler.

"You didn't knock me down. I fell over," Emmett replied with a scowl.

I met Alice's gaze then, and she shook her head at me softly. For a second I wondered if she remembered that I couldn't read minds, or if I was supposed to translate what she meant by her head shake by my wits alone. I guessed that she couldn't see Edward actually getting hurt by Emmett. I was sure that she'd intervene if she did.

"When did you last fall over Emmett? Is it a regular occurrence?" Edward grinned, and Emmett dropped him quickly. He landed on his feet, without even a stagger.

"No." Alice suddenly said, and all three of us stopped and turned to her.

I had to admit, it was quite funny watching Emmett try and fight with a human, I knew it was something that he and Edward had always done, almost a bonding ritual for them, and it was amusing to see them try and continue to do it, even now.

"I don't think that's a good idea, Emmett, you know about your aversion to human vomit." Alice nodded once as Emmett and Edward stepped away from each other. Emmett sat down first, but Edward stayed standing, eyeing Emmett cagily. He didn't seem to want to sit down again for a while, and as our conversation moved on he grew quiet, only listening as Emmett, Alice and I chatted about what had happened over the last few weeks.

Despite the fact they were Edward's family, I had always felt more at home with them, than anywhere else in my life. So as well as being pleased for Edward that he was getting his family back, I couldn't help but be just as glad for myself. They were more than friends to me, they were my family too. And I couldn't help but laugh joyfully as I heard about some of the things they had been up to over the last few weeks.

I felt my relief grow as we chatted that afternoon. They were back, and by the sound of it they planned on staying. Alice and Emmett were going to be at school with us, and Carlisle was taking his job in Forks hospital back as well, apparently they had not managed to recruit anyone else during his absence. Alice was going to try and talk Jasper into coming home, and she seemed so relieved that he was coming back that I knew it was the right decision.

I cuddled into Edward when he sat down again, and didn't hold back the grin that made my face ache as we talked and laughed the afternoon away.

Everything was just as it should be.

**Edward**

As Bella laughed and joked with Alice and Emmett, her delight at their return plain to see, I smiled and played along flawlessly.

My own joy at seeing my brother and sister however was marred, overshadowed by the fact that both of them were focusing a great deal of attention on blocking me from reading their thoughts. Alice was reciting the Iliad in the original Greek in her mind, something which I actually found surprisingly soothing, as it was a poem that she often used when trying to block me. Emmett was simply recalling his last few days with Rosalie, in precise detail, which was enough to make me avoid looking in his mind at all costs.

_I DO NOT wish to know what the bear costume was about, but the bits I've seen have me pretty damn perturbed._

The fact was that Alice's explanation did not ring true to me at all.

There had never been any intention to return to us so soon; that fact was clear enough from the fact they had closed up the house, and taken all of the cars. The fact that they were blocking me only added to my conviction that there was something else to this.

I continued to join in the conversation going on around me as much as I could, while at the same time I decided that I would confront Alice about what they were hiding. As I decided exactly what I planned to say, I heard my words appear in her mind in her vision. This was how Alice and I had always been able to have silent conversations all these years. With her visions, if I was decided enough about what I planned to say, she was as telepathic as me.

_Alice, what are you keeping from me?_

I watched her face as my words appeared in her vision, and she acknowledged me with a twitch of her eyes in my direction, before she replied in her mind.

_I already know that you wouldn't believe me if I said 'nothing', though I really don't want to answer you anyway, Edward._

I didn't even have to think about it, I needed to know why they were back, as it obviously wasn't because of anything good. I focused on my planned response for a moment, and listened to it appear in her mind.

_Tell me. I insist._

This time she rolled her eyes surreptitiously, before she replied.

_Bossy much?_

_Before you left, you told me to stop watching Bella, to allow her to live without our influence, but obviously as soon as you decided to stay, I began to watch you both like a hawk._

Her lips twitched slightly in a smile, as she continued to converse with Bella and Emmett faultlessly. I was finding it more difficult to carry on two conversations at once though, and I realized that I had zoned out of the spoken conversation entirely when I heard what Bella was saying to Emmett.

"… and Jessica was begging him to bite her; he looked so confused!"

"What?" I squawked, feeling a bit startled that Bella was sharing yet another of my more embarrassing moments as a human with Emmett. It wasn't as if he needed any more ammunition to be honest. "Why are you talking about that?"

"Bella was telling me about your first Halloween. Dude, I can't believe you wore the plastic teeth!" Emmett was struggling against bursting into laughter at my expense – again – so I just scowled and went back to my conversation with Alice.

_Alice, tell me!_

Her expression didn't falter, but I heard her decision to tell me in her mind the second she made it.

_Something has changed in the last few days, I don't know what's happened, but something's coming. _

She suddenly pulled a face; it took me a second to realize that it was part of the conversation going on in the room, rather than in our heads.

_Sorry, Edward. What is it about Emmett and TMI?_

She shook her head at me slightly, as I raised my eyebrows at her in irritation. I was beginning to get worried; she was obviously trying to avoid telling me this.

_Ok, ok. Edward, you have to understand, I've not seen very much, there are too many things that haven't been decided yet, but one thing is absolutely certain._

She paused again, and impatience pushed me onwards, as I forced another vision upon her.

_Alice, show me, I have to know._

She seemed to brace herself, before the blocks in her mind fell away, revealing the visions that had driven my family back to us so hurriedly.

The visions were clouded and murky, I found them difficult to interpret, though I was sure that Alice had a better idea than me of what they meant. The things that I could see flashed past me quickly, but were none the less significant for that fact.

I saw blood, lots of it, and running. There was confusion, and a sense of loss, suddenly a picture flashed past my eyes of me on my knees, my expression that of a man who has lost his mind. Finally one vision came which was clearer than the others, graduation day at Forks High School, and neither Bella nor I were there. Many of the students wore black armbands over the top of their bright yellow cap and gown. The joy of the day was lost.

The visions stopped as quickly as they had started, but apart from a horrible sense of foreboding, I wasn't really that much the wiser.

I caught Alice's eye for the first time since we had begun our silent conversation, and begged her with my eyes to simply _tell me._

_Edward, the whys and whens aren't decided yet, but you must have seen that one fact is very clear amongst all of that. With us gone, neither you nor Bella will survive to graduation._

It took everything I had in me to maintain my calm expression, as the truth that I had known must exist hit me like a ton of bricks. I took a deep breath, and squeezed myself a little closer to Bella on the couch, needing her comfort more than ever as a roll of nausea crashed through my stomach. But nothing was going to make me betray what I was going through to Bella. _Nothing_.

There was one more question I had to ask. I focused, and decided exactly how I would phrase it.

_Alice, now you're back… has that changed?_

She paused for a few moments, and I watched as grey and murky visions flooded her consciousness. They moved so fast that I couldn't follow them at all, and I waited in agony for her reply. Eventually, her thoughts dragged me out of my panic, as she called my name.

_Edward. I'm sorry, but… I don't know._

~oOo~

**A/N – So, apparently you like teasers? OK, I understand. So do I! I'll send a teaser out to everyone who reviews again this time too! Thank you as ever to everyone who reviews, I always enjoy hearing what you think!**

**Oh, and just because I know some people will wonder, that was Tanya's cameo. I don't get why she gets demonized by so many, in canon she wasn't an issue, so she won't be in this fic either. I feel like I need to put a health warning in though, just by mentioning her name – lol!**

**I've been nominated for a vampires award, in the best AU category! So, thank you to whoever nominated Waking Up. Please go over and take a look, and vote for me if you feel so inclined. Voting only runs up to 11****th**** July, here's the address:**

www(dot)twificpics(dot)com(slash)vampawards(slash)?page_id=198

**Two recs for you this week:**

"**The Mail Order Bride" by Lady Gwynedd is all human, set in the wild west. I'm half way through it, and loving it so far.**

"**For the Summer" by camoozle is another all human, and each chapter covers one summer, which is the only time E&B see each other.**

**Both in my favourites if you fancy a look.**

**I need to start keeping a record of what I rec, as I can't remember what I've already pimped out now. Take a look in my favourites though, everything in there is great! **

**In case you were looking for vampires only (and I know some of you are!) why not try:**

"**Subplans" by SnowWhiteHeart, which sees a vampire Edward, as a submissive…. **

**Til next time,**

**Ria**


	32. Family Reunion

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight!

Thank you as ever to my beta venomaddict for her always fabulous input, and also to my prereaders.

Warning: This chapter contains some darker scenes, though nothing too graphic, as that's just not the way I roll.

~oOo~

**Alice **

We were all quiet as we waited for Edward to arrive. It was almost three in the morning by the time we heard his approach, the note of the engine of his car easy to pick out of the night, as none of us could focus on anything else.

We were waiting for him in the Forks house, which we had no plans to return to, but had all convened at as soon as Edward made the decision to come to see us tonight. Dust sheets still covered most of the furniture, though when Esme arrived this evening she had quickly uncovered a couple of the couches in the main room, giving us somewhere to sit and talk when Edward arrived.

I was sitting on the couch, alone and feeling small, as I curled my arms around my legs and pulled myself into a tight ball. I longed for Jasper as my emotions ran out of control.

My mind hadn't been my own for hours, as Edward's plans had switched and changed as he wrestled with what to do now, his mind a flurry of activity.

I couldn't fail to notice that his schemes were different in comparison to the last time we trod this path, last time his only care had been for Bella's safety, his own life seemingly meaning nothing to him. Now though, I didn't see a flicker of the self hatred I knew so well, but under the weight of the visions overrunning my mind I couldn't find the energy to be relieved.

Because whatever he decided, nothing changed. And if I had to watch my brother die one more time tonight, I was sure I was going to go mad.

The first time I saw the visions now haunting me, I had been standing in the corridor of our new High school in New Hampshire, moving unread books from my new bag into my locker. It was Thursday lunchtime, and the school was already abuzz with whispers about the weird new Platt kids.

We had only started school that Monday, and we were still a subject of interest for most of our fellow students. I had started as a freshman and was surrounded by fourteen year olds, who all seemed to be obsessed with the same Hollywood actor, the star of the current big thing, for some inexplicable reason. I had seen so many of these stars come and go over the years; I had long since stopped paying attention. Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie had all entered as sophomores, and of course Rosalie had attracted the ardent admiration of every male in the school, as ever.

Both Emmett and Jasper had been unusually protective of us all this time, even more so than when we had started in a new town previously. We all knew that it was because we didn't have Edward to give us an early warning of any errant thoughts amongst the children surrounding us, but none of us said the words. Some things are just best left unsaid.

None of the others had appeared yet. The freshman English class had let out early, and I was moving slowly, trying to kill time until my beautiful boy could come and join me in the facade of lunch, when it hit me; just one picture, one image searing itself into my mind as if a red hot ember had made its way into my brain.

Edward was on his knees, somewhere in the Forest around Forks. There was snow on the ground, but he only wore a shirt, with no coat. I couldn't see anything else, no one else near him, no details to speak of other than his expression, which I could only describe as one of madness.

His hands tore at his hair by the roots as his mouth opened in a silent scream. His eyes were wide open and tortured, as hot tears streamed down his face. Every muscle in his arms, neck and chest was straining, and the veins on the side of his throat stood out with the effort his body was going through.

No, I couldn't see any details, everything else was hidden to me, but I knew that only one thing could cause the agonized expression on his face. He looked as if someone had just died. No, not just someone. He looked like _she_ had just died, and in the same moment so did he.

I was lost for a moment, the pain in my brother's expression dragging me away from that school corridor in my entirety, until I felt Jasper's strong arms quickly surrounding me. I was sobbing, and I knew that wherever he had been in the school, he had heard me, and come to me.

"Alice, sweetheart, darlin', come back to me. What is it? Please, you're scarin' the bejesus out of me, sweet thing." His accent always became stronger when he was worried, and his broad drawl alone told me how much I had frightened him. I had only been crying softly without him for a few seconds, but I didn't have it in me to even think about how he had gotten to me so quickly. Instead, everything in me was screaming to get back to Forks, back to Edward and Bella.

"I saw Edward. Oh, Jazz, something's coming. We have to get to them." Jasper simply looked back at me, not replying as I clung to him, and visions began to crash through my mind.

I felt Emmett's footsteps vibrating through the floor long before he reached us, and I glanced up to catch the irritated expression on his face as he finally reached us, maybe a couple of minutes after my first vision.

"Goddamned kids. I miss Alaska. I'm already sick of all the fucking play acting that goes with this shit." He rumbled as he approached. "Alice? What's going on? I could hear you on the other side of the campus." Emmett finally reached Jasper and me a few seconds later, his expression apparently terrifying to the children also in the hall at that moment. Heart rates were increasing rapidly around us, and I could hear frightened whispers coming from several of the groups of children now trying desperately hard not to stare.

And yet, still not succeeding.

"You're creating a scene." I had heard Rosalie approaching, and though I was irritated by her comment, I couldn't deny that she was right.

The corridor was now much busier, as classes emptied and the children headed towards the cafeteria. There were several groups of them clustered around the lockers I was currently leaning on, as Jasper held me close to his body, our chests pressed tightly together as I clung to him. Along with Emmett and Rosalie, both of whom garnered enough attention by themselves, we seemed to be providing everyone with a great deal of entertainment.

"Let's go." Jasper pulled away from me and took my hand, as he led us all out of the school without any further discussion. None of us had any of our belongings with us, but it didn't occur to me to worry about it, despite the fact that I knew for certain that by the time I next went back to my locker, my beautiful new Gucci tote would be long gone.

We hurried to the parking lot, and jumped into the new Audi that we had bought specifically for the task of driving to school every day. Rosalie took the wheel, and we pulled away with a screech that would have undoubtedly gained us even more attention, if we had been there long enough to receive it.

"What did you see, Alice?" Jasper asked me as we pulled out, though even as I frantically searched the future, I wasn't able to really tell him much.

"It's Edward and Bella, something's coming for them... but I can't see. It's so clouded and hazy. They're going to die if we don't do something, Jazzy." I could feel the reassuring waves of calm coming from Jasper as I curled into his embrace, and I thanked him for them with a soft kiss on the corner of his mouth.

In the front seat, Emmett was already on the phone to Carlisle, and by the time we pulled into the driveway of out new home, he was already only a few minutes away from us, having left the hospital as soon as Emmett told him what was going on.

There wasn't time to phone Esme, but the look of shock on her face as all four of us entered the large Victorian mansion we were now living in, in the middle of a school day, told me that she knew that something was very wrong. Our expressions would only have confirmed it to her, I was sure.

"Should we wait for Carlisle?" Esme asked us, as we carried on into the dining room without further ado.

"I think we must," I muttered in reply, as I continued to search my scattered visions for anything that may be of use to us. "He's less than two minutes away, although I hope he doesn't attract any attention with the speed he's going." There was a flicker in my mind as a traffic cop debated whether to take a left or a right, but it was gone again in less than a second as he headed in the opposite direction to Carlisle.

It was so unlike him to drive at that kind of speed in such an exposed place; I wondered what on earth Emmett had told him. Then I realised that whatever it was, it couldn't be any worse than the truth.

As we waited for Carlisle everyone was silent, though each of them was watching me expectantly. Already, merely by seeing the vision of what was to come, things had changed, though that fact only served to make things even muddier and more difficult to follow in my own mind.

The emotions and feelings of what was happening were what was coming through to me the strongest. It's hard to explain, but my visions didn't simply play out in my head like a roll of film, unless the event I was seeing was very definite, a foregone conclusion if you will. Uncertainty left me with vague pictures, flashes of events, feelings, colours and images.

No one but Edward was able to share my visions with me in the same way as I saw them, so he was the only one who I felt really understood me when I said that they were subjective. After decades of practice I was able to translate what I saw well, but I still sometimes felt like the gypsy at the carnival, staring into her crystal ball.

After one hundred and twenty-seven of the longest seconds of our lives, Carlisle appeared at the head of the table. He looked at each of us quickly in acknowledgement, until his eyes returned to me, expectantly.

"I can't see very clearly yet," I began, feeling exposed under everybody's stare. "Something's going to happen to Edward and Bella, it's impossible for me to say what or when right now. It seems that so much is yet to be decided."

"Just tell us what you saw, Alice, exactly," Carlisle said calmly, though there was a certain wildness in his eyes.

"The first thing I saw was Edward, he was alive, but..." How exactly did I explain this? "The only way he could look the way he does in that one vision, is for Bella to be dead. I can _feel _what he's feeling, and grief doesn't begin to cover it."

There was no gasp of shock, or mumble of voices, the room simply seemed to become even stiller as everyone focussed upon me. I paused for a second, before I continued.

"Most of the visions are very vague right now. I couldn't tell you when or where this is going to happen, merely that it will, as things stand. I can see running, chasing even, and blood..._ Lots of blood._" As I spoke I was hit with one final clear vision, one that made everything a little clearer. "It will be before graduation. They won't survive to graduate."

I watched the images of the Forks High graduation flicker in my mind for a moment.

_Black armbands worn over yellow gowns. The sombre mood. Edward and Bella missing, from the day that should have marked the beginning of the rest of their lives. The day of Edward's final graduation._

"Before he even turns eighteen," Esme whispered. Our eyes met for a split second, and an understanding passed between us.

_Not while we existed._

"So why the fuck are we still sitting here? Let's rock and roll!" Emmett stood, and looked around the table, surprised that none of us were on our feet yet.

"I understand your hurry, Emmett, but we have to think about this before we simply go crashing back into their lives," Carlisle said firmly, and Emmett started to sit down again, but didn't quite make it. He ended up hovering maybe an inch off of the seat, almost as if he didn't want to commit to taking the final step and sitting down again.

"What is there to think about?" Emmett sounded confused, as his eyes reached mine. "If we go back to them, _when we go back_, does that change things, Tink?"

"It does to a degree, in a way it's harder, as everything is now just even more unclear." I sighed. None of them ever really bought into the fact that yes, I might be able to see the future, but it could still change and move as easily as grains of sand blown in the wind. No one really understood that fully apart from Edward, who had shared my changing visions with me so much over the last half century, I sometimes felt that he must understand them as well as I did.

"But, that's good, yeah? Certain death has changed to possible death? I'd always aim for possible death over certain death, every time." Emmett gazed at me hopefully, as he sought my reassurance, when all I could do was nod hopefully.

"That still doesn't mean that we should rush home immediately," Rosalie snapped, and I held back a groan of frustration. What's wrong in Princess Rosalie's world now? "Maybe this is a human death. We can't stand over Edward for the rest of his life, guarding him from everything. A van hitting him after skidding on ice will kill him these days, and we would have to let it."

"What?"

"Rosalie-"

"You have to be fucking kidding me, babe!"

Rosalie held her hands up as everyone of us around the table stuttered in shock at her words.

"Hold on, hang on," she said, as Emmett seemed to almost edge away from her in his seat on her right. "We left so they could live normal human lives, right? Well, most normal humans don't have a gang of vampire bodyguards. We can't intervene at every sign of trouble.

"Maybe the reason it's so hazy, Alice, is that it's an accident. Humans have accidents. Even if we were there in Forks, how would we be able to help if they hit a deer in the road on the drive home to Charlie's? Part of living a normal human life is accepting their mortality. They might have 70 years ahead of them, but, then again, they might only have today."

The silence was loaded as Rosalie finished her impassioned speech. Her expression was sincere, though I had to admit to myself that didn't really hold a lot of sway over my thinking on the subject. Edward, fundamentally, _wasn't _a normal human, he was a Cullen. Though that alone wasn't why we were going back to Forks.

"That's the thing, Rose," I replied, as I tried to keep my temper in check. "I don't think it is a normal human death, it doesn't feel that way in my vision."

"_Accept their mortality?_" Emmett whispered, seemingly paying no attention to me as he looked at Rosalie as if she had just sat down and started eating a big bowl of Cheerios.

"Yes, we must, Emmett. And how do you know it's not a human death, Alice? What makes you think that?" Rosalie turned her eyes to me, though I didn't need a vision to tell me that this was far from over between her and Emmett.

"I can't explain it. I just know." I shook my head as I spoke, knowing that my answer would do little but make them procrastinate further.

"It doesn't matter," Emmett said firmly, and we all turned to him in surprise. His tone was something that I hardly recognised. He sounded utterly resolved, without an ounce of humor, hardly like Emmett at all. "This is Edward. He's not a normal human. After _everything... _I will not stand by and allow him to die, human death or not. I _will not_ allow it."

I breathed a sigh of relief. I wasn't alone.

"Of course." Carlisle had been quiet for a few moments as we talked, and I had been able to see the ideas he had been considering running through my mind as visions. "We will return, but not to Forks. The position with the Quileute is still too precarious. I propose we stay in the house in Port Angeles-"

"You have to be kidding me," Rosalie muttered under her breath. We all hated the Port Angeles house, as it was far too exposed for us to be able to live with any type of normalcy there, but Rosalie hated it the most. Carlisle ignored her comment.

"I don't think I'll be able to leave the hospital here for several weeks, they simply won't be able to find a replacement in time. So maybe we should start making preparations to leave after Christmas."

"What?" I couldn't understand what he was saying, did he seriously expect us to stay away from Forks for _weeks_?

"You yourself, Alice, said this threat wasn't immediate," Carlisle continued. "As long as you don't see anything more, then it would be better for us to make the move a more planned one this time. I can't continue to move jobs at a moment's notice, and we will simply attract more attention if we keep vanishing overnight."

"Carlisle, we're on the other side of the country..." Esme said softly. "If something were to happen suddenly, we would be too far away from them."

From the corner of my eye I saw Emmett stand again. "This is stupid. Carlisle, you and Esme stay here and do what you gotta do. Alice, Jasper, Rosie and I will go back to Forks and deal with babysitting duties for now. There's no reason for this to become a big drama."

Rosalie fidgeted, and looked annoyed as he spoke, but she wasn't what I was focussing on. In my mind's eye I could already see me and Emmett crossing the country towards Forks. But we were alone.

"Jazz?" I met his eyes, and could see the apology in them already. Sadness suddenly consumed me, and I knew that it was a combination of both mine and his.

"I can't, Alice..." he whispered as he looked straight into my eyes. "What if it's me? What if I'm the thing that's coming for them?"

"Oh Jazz, of course it's not you!"

"It could be, and you know it." He stuck his chin out subtly, in a gesture I knew too well. "I'm sorry Alice, I'm staying."

"So am I." I had already seen Rosalie's decision to stay moments earlier, so I wasn't surprised, but to say Emmett was, was an understatement.

"What the _fuck_, Rose?"

"I don't think you should be rushing back based on one vision. Is this how our lives are going to be for the next fifty or sixty years? Every time Alice sees the vaguest risk to Edward, we all drop everything and rush to his side like his... like his _pets_?" She folded her arms as she stared coolly at Emmett, and he stared back at her incredulously.

"But, babe, that's all it will be. Maybe sixty years, then we don't have him anymore; maybe less than that if something happens. Seriously Rosie, this is fucked up!"

"He's human now Emmett, his life is that bit more precarious than ours. Alice can't really see anything yet, who knows what it means."

In a way I agreed with Rose, and I was surprised. I had never realised quite how well she understood my visions, and her argument was more than fair. It didn't mean I was prepared to wait though.

"Then it looks like it's just you and me, Tink." Emmett stood and reached out his hand towards me, and I took it quickly as I stood beside him.

"Take the Audi." Jasper tossed me the keys and I caught them deftly. "Tank's full." His eyes caught mine, and we said everything that we needed to without a word. For the first time in decades I couldn't see when I would next see him, and I ached for him already.

"We will join you as soon as we can," Carlisle added, but we were already walking towards the door, both of us unwilling to wait any longer.

As we walked away, it was impossible to miss the fact that Emmett had not even said goodbye to Rosalie.

I focussed on the present for a moment, as Edward approached the front door. I smiled as he considered whether to knock, or to simply walk in, before I heard the sound of the handle turning and he entered the room.

Seeing him there, in the house we had spent so much time in together, the changes in him became that much more apparent.

He had most definitely grown, only a fraction of an inch, but it was a definite change. His shoulders were slightly broader, and the muscles of his arms and chest had grown slightly, no doubt due to his time in the gym. His face was dark with what looked like a couple of days of beard growth, and his hair, cut short the last time I had seen it, was now standing in an untidy mess all over his head.

Carlisle, Esme and Rosalie had finally arrived a couple of hours earlier, the hospital having been able to find a replacement for Carlisle far sooner than expected. Rose had accompanied him and Esme back to Forks, but Jazz had returned to Denali. I had known that he would, but that didn't make it hurt any less when the cars had pulled up earlier without him.

The one thing I was holding onto right now, was the fact that now I could see him coming back to me. I hadn't made the call yet, but I would soon, and this time Jasper would believe me when I told him that he posed no danger to anyone.

Neither Emmett nor Rose had made any effort to talk to each other yet, or even look at each other. It was only a matter of time until they made up, but even so, I didn't see it happening any time soon.

"You were waiting for me," Edward said as he stopped in the doorway, and he looked around the room.

"Of course," Esme replied, and as soon as he heard her voice he took a step towards her. An instant later she was in front of him, and she wrapped her arms around him gently as he leaned against her for a moment. "I'm sorry, Edward, we would have been here sooner..."

"It doesn't matter, I knew you'd come."

Esme took his hand and led him into the house, and they sat down together on the couch. We had all missed Edward, each in our own way, but for Esme, he would always be more, her first child in every way that counted.

"Bella's going to be pretty mad at you when you get home," I said with a smile as I moved to sit down opposite him. He simply caught my eye, and shrugged. I had seen him consider waking her, and bringing her with him tonight several times, before he had eventually left the house alone. Unfortunately for him, Bella would be awake by the time he got back there, and not in the best of moods.

The room was quiet for a moment. We all knew why he was here, and exchanging pleasantries felt wrong, but still, I wasn't sure we could simply dive straight in.

"Tell me what to do, Alice."

_Ok, maybe we could._

"You know it's not as simple as that, Edward." He scowled at me as I spoke, and Esme squeezed him against her side gently.

"If we leave, maybe go to Florida to Bella's mother...?" As he asked me, he resolved to do just that, and I watched the vision begin to flicker through my mind immediately.

_Edward and Bella getting on a plane, and getting off somewhere hot and bright... A new school... new people... sunburn and sweat... arguments with Bella's mother... running at night... fear... Renee and her husband murdered... blood._

I slumped forward in relief as the vision gradually cleared, as Edward quickly changed his mind. I growled at him slightly as soon as I was able to focus on him again. He knew how much I hated it when he forced things on me like that.

"I am not your personal Magic 8 Ball, Edward," I growled, but my annoyance broke when I saw the horror and fear in his eyes.

"So it's not just something happening here. There's something actually coming for _us,_" he whispered, hardly making a sound. I could see the understanding finally hit him as he slumped back in his seat, leaning his body against Esme like a child clinging to comfort. Suddenly he sat bolt upright. "Bella! She's alone-"

"She'll be fine," I reassured him. "I can see that for certain, don't worry."

"Guys, either spill right now, or I'm seriously going to lose my shit." Emmett was standing to one side of the room with his arms folded, his expression betraying his frustration at not knowing what Edward and I were talking about.

"Edward has been considering taking Bella elsewhere, to her mother's, or even changing their names and going in to hiding. But none of it makes any difference."

"We still die. Only the location changes." Edward was slumped against Esme again.

"This is why we have returned, Edward," Carlisle said softly. He was keeping his distance from Edward, no doubt recalling the difficulty he had had being in his presence before. "Alice assures us, the only thing that makes a difference is us being here.

"One of us will be watching you, at all times. Alice and Emmett at the school, then one of us will stay in the woods around Charlie's house when you are there."

"Oh..." Edward suddenly looked embarrassed. "_All _of the time?"

"Well, yes, while we don't know what's coming, we have little choice," Carlisle looked confused, as Edward flushed a mouthwatering pink.

"We're just used to a little more... I don't know... privacy... than that..." I couldn't restrain the chuckle at his expression. Of course, one of Edward's first concerns was going to be the affect on his _sex life_.

Carlisle simply smirked at him for a moment, before he replied. "Then you might have to get used to a little _less _privacy for a while, Edward."

"Good to know you're so worried about Bella's welfare, that your first concern is that you won't get to fuck her so often if we're listening," Rosalie suddenly spat, and we all spun to look at her incredulously. "This is obviously your fault. Have you considered leaving her here and just you going somewhere else?"

"Rosie..."

"No. I won't do that. She can't live without me, anymore than I can live without her. I will never do that to her again." Edward glared at Rosalie, but she simply smirked at him in disgust.

"So you'd rather she died with you, than lived without?"

"NO! Christ, of course not! What the fucking hell's wrong with you Rosalie?" Edward stood up and began to pace the room, as he ran his hand through his hair repeatedly, his previously well concealed agitation suddenly coming to the fore.

"You haven't even asked Alice what would happen if you left alone."

"BECAUSE I ALREADY KNOW WHAT WOULD HAPPEN!" He roared, as he swung to glare at Rosalie in fury. His face was dark red, and he was trembling and breathing hard as he stared at Rose for several seconds. "I can't exist without her, we would both just waste away. I promised her. I will never leave her again." He began to mutter to himself as he paced, and I twisted to face Rosalie.

"Rosie, stop being such a bitch," Emmett growled, just beating me to it.

"I'm not being a bitch, I'm saying what the rest of you are thinking!"

"Rosalie, please, this isn't helping," Carlisle interjected, but he was immediately drowned out by Emmett.

"I don't know about anyone else, but it sure as hell isn't what I'm fucking thinking." Emmett seemed to be shaking with rage as he spoke to Rosalie in an eerily calm voice, and I saw her flinch away from him slightly.

"I know how I sound," she started, her tone less defiant than it had been seconds ago. She turned to look at me, and I couldn't hold back my angry glare. "But, wouldn't it help, if he at least planned to for a moment. Maybe we could work out a little more about what exactly _is _going to happen. And why."

There was silence for a few seconds, before Edward sighed. "She's right."

He had stopped his pacing, and was now standing looking out of the massive wall of glass at the back of the room, looking out over the land to the back of the house. He leant forward slightly, and leant his hand against the glass above his head, before he dropped his forehead against it too. I could smell the salt of the tears he was trying to hide from us all, as he resolved to leave, and the vision began to play out in my mind.

_I watched him go, and saw both him and Bella shrink without each other as the weeks passed... Christmas was bleak, and the New Year came and went... Then everything changed quickly... the running and the blood came to Forks first... Bella was unprotected, before she suddenly vanished. _

I could feel my body shaking as I continued to watch, but there was nothing I could do to control it. I had seen too much today, more blood than I ever wished to see again, and I knew what was coming next.

_Edward was far away, but soon the running came to him too. I saw myself, and Jasper with him, but we couldn't stop it, there were... too many?_

The vision stopped, and I opened my eyes to see Edward still leaning against the glass wall, only now he had fallen to his knees. Esme was standing behind him, with her hands resting on his shoulders as his body was racked with sobs. I knew that as hard as the things I had just watched had been for me, they must have been a thousand times worse for him as he watched them play out in my mind, and I ached for him. Not only for his pain, but also for the fact that I caused it.

**Edward**

As the pictures of Bella's and my deaths swirled in Alice's mind, I fell to my knees, the only thing preventing me from falling entirely to the floor was the window I was leaning against, as I collapsed under the weight of everything.

Esme appeared behind me immediately, and I could hear her calming words in my mind as the visions faded rapidly. My resolve to go was gone the instant I saw that my leaving would not protect Bella, but still the vision played out in her mind, until it was done.

Ever since I had first seen Alice and Emmett that Friday night, I had known that there was no way they were here simply because they wanted to be.

In the past, whenever we had moved on, we would make a point of never returning to the same town again for many decades, especially after such a hasty departure as they had made six weeks before. People who leave places are forgotten quickly, whatever the circumstances. Returning though is always far more interesting. I didn't doubt that the rumour mill would be working overtime when they heard that the Cullens had returned, reigniting questions that would otherwise have remained forgotten.

It didn't help of course that from the first second I saw them, for just a few brief minutes, they were both concealing their thoughts from me, only confirming my suspicions. I had spent the weekend worrying about what had caused their return, and I was thankful that I had acquired my new piano to work out my worries on.

Even so, it had never occurred to me that something quite so ominous was approaching us. In the days since their first visit I had considered a possible visit from the Volturi, perhaps an accident or illness. But the visions that Alice was showing me were undeniably not something simple or... human. Nor was it any kind of threat from the wolves, as the images, such as they were, were visible to Alice.

It took me a minute or two to collect myself as I crouched down in front of the window, and the room was silent behind me. But the thoughts of my family were far from silent, and as I had found once before, it was almost impossible to keep the thoughts from my mind when they were all directed so strongly at me.

_... it has to be vampires..._

_... why would anyone attack Edward, now?..._

_... it's ok honey, we're here..._

_... spoiling for a fight... bring it on..._

_... are we ever going to get away from the Edward and Bella show?..._

"Ok, God, please just stop thinking, all of you. You're driving me mad." I didn't yell, I didn't have to with them, but my tone was enough to make everybody reduce their focus on me. It was a relief.

I stood up slowly, and turned back around to face the room again. Esme stayed beside me, and rested her hand on my arm, I had forgotten how comforting I found her presence, and I was glad of it. I looked back to Alice again, frustrated that she still hadn't answered my question.

"You have to tell me what to do, Alice."

"I don't think there's anything you can do." She shrugged slightly, but I could tell that there was something she wasn't saying. Suddenly her mind was full of Shakespeare, a sure sign that there was something she was keeping from me.

"If there's something, anything..."

"You wait, and you let us look after you," Carlisle said firmly, but from his glance at Alice I was now certain that there was something they weren't telling me. I may have been human now, but I had lived with my family for nearly a century, they couldn't keep something from me if they tried.

"What if you're not here? It only takes a moment; you can't be around every second of every day. What about when you need to hunt? We don't even know what the hell you're supposed to be protecting us from!" I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger as I battled against the frustration beginning to build up inside me

"Oh, for crying out loud! This is just childish," Rosalie suddenly said as she stood up and walked closer to me. "Maybe if you weren't so busy thinking about running away, you'd work out that maybe there _is _a way that you can look after Bella, _yourself._"

"What?" I wasn't sure what Rosalie was saying, but my stomach had dropped as she spoke.

"Rosie, I'm not kidding at all when say, that it's seriously time for you to shut that pretty little mouth, babe," Emmett growled as she turned towards him in a fury.

"Why? He isn't a child Emmett, and you know as well as I do that it's an idea that we haven't considered."

"An idea that we won't consider either, Rosalie." A picture flashed through Carlisle's mind for an instant, and I stopped, horrified, when I realised what they were talking about.

"No." I stepped back once, the urge to flee suddenly overtaking me.

"Why not? Whatever happened to the great self sacrificing Edward? Surely you'd want to do anything if it meant that Bella was safe?" Rosalie sneered at me as she spoke, but her thoughts betrayed her. She knew that I wouldn't want what she was suggesting, and she was jealous of the fact that I even had the choice.

I was shaking my head slowly from side to side, as I found myself taking another couple of steps backwards, until I found myself pressed against the glass windows again.

"No." My breathing was accelerating and I started to look around, trying to work out how to get to the front door quickly. Deep down I knew that I had nothing to fear, but right then that didn't seem to matter, something deeper within me had taken over, and it wanted me to run.

"Don't you at least want to know?" Rosalie taunted, and the spite in her voice was only partly softened by the pain in her thoughts. "If you were a vampire again, there wouldn't be a problem. You could protect her yourself."

"But who would protect her from me?" I croaked.

"We're not talking about this, you're being ridiculous Rosalie," Carlisle said harshly, as he glared at her. "The very thought of Edward giving up his humanity, on the strength of a vision... you're being absurd."

"She's being a bitch. Babe, give it up, I don't even get why you keep bringing this shit up." Emmett shook his head, and looked genuinely confused as he looked from Rosalie to me. But I could hear what she was thinking, and I knew that it wasn't just spite making her say it.

Deep down, Rosalie didn't believe that I could possibly live an actual human life now. Ever since the day she had found out about it, she had been expecting something to cause me to change back, almost like my change had been a holiday, nothing but a temporary blip in our lives. She couldn't bring herself to believe that it could be forever; it was how she was living with the fact that I was the one who had gotten the break as she saw it, and not her.

Alice's vision made absolute sense to Rosalie. It was perfect. I would change back into a vampire, sacrificing my life for Bella's welfare, and Rosalie's life would go back to normal. Nothing left to be jealous of, no more reason for her to wonder 'what if'.

"No," I whispered, my voice stolen by the irrational panic that was beginning to take over, the very idea of going back filling me with horror. "I'd rather die."

"Would you rather Bella died too? As it could come to that."

"Rosalie! _Enough_!" Carlisle looked furious and moved towards Rose in an instant, so that he was just inches away from her. "When I changed Emmett, I said that was the last time. I meant it; I will not condemn anyone else to this life again. Not ever. _Not_ Edward." He glanced back to me, and I recognised the determination in his expression.

We all stood in silence for several seconds, hardly long enough for me to recover my racing heartbeat, but I knew a lifetime for everyone else in the room.

Alice spoke to me in her mind, before she said anything else out loud.

_Do you want to know how it would be, Edward? For sure?_

I looked at her absolutely dumbfounded, she didn't need to hear my reply; I knew my expression must have said it all.

_Although Rosalie isn't saying this for any reasons but her own, do _you_ want to know?_

I continued looking at Alice, and again I was getting the feeling that there was something being kept from me. I raised an eyebrow at her slightly and, though I realised that everyone else in the room was now looking at us, I ignored them. Alice suddenly looked a little contrite, but before I could think to ask her why, she told me herself.

_You see, Edward, I already know. You... thought about it... at first. A lot. But gradually it stopped. I think that maybe you should know what it would be like. I never told the others._

_I think you need to know. It will make things... clearer._

"Dudes, either say it out loud, or shut the fuck up. This is _not_ the night to be pissing me off." Emmett looked almost as if steam should be coming out of his ears, and I couldn't help the small smile that came naturally when I thought about how protective he was being of me and Bella. How could we fail to be safe with him around?

"Alice thinks we need to see what would happen, if I were to be changed again. Apparently, she knows something we don't." I looked at her as I spoke, but she wouldn't meet my gaze, and her mind was now filled with Buddhist chants. "So, one of you has to resolve to change me."

"I'll do it," Rosalie said immediately, with a sneer.

There was nothing but a flicker in Alice's mind, but it was enough to see that Rosalie wouldn't work.

"Rosalie," Alice said sharply. "If you do it, you won't be able to stop. It has to be Carlisle."

"I won't do it," Carlisle said simply, as Alice huffed in response.

"No, but you can always change your mind afterwards," she said, as she looked around the room in a distracted manner. "Nothing is fixed, you know that Carlisle."

"I know, but I can't resolve to do it either. Maybe at first, if Edward had been unable to cope as a human, but now..." he shook his head. "I decided a long time ago that I would never change another, I won't go back on that resolution."

"You don't need to," I said, and everyone turned towards me as one. "I had already thought about how I might... change Bella... if ever I might have wanted to do that..."

"Of course you did," Rosalie snorted in disgust, and I didn't blame her.

I looked away from all of them guiltily. I was intensely ashamed of the fact that I had ever even thought about taking away my beloved's precious life, even for the briefest seconds that I had considered it. But sometimes, as I had held her sleeping form at night, I had been unable to stop my mind from going there, imagining what eternity with her by my side might have looked like, and at the time it felt like heaven.

But to have lived with her now, to have truly lived a human life, I was more sure than ever of how important her _human_ life really was. The possibilities in front of us both now were something I would fight to my last breath for, and I would defend her life with my own if that was what it took.

"What would you have done?" Carlisle asked me, and when I glanced up he was looking at me kindly, with none of the revulsion I was expecting.

_It was only natural son. You would have either had to change her, or live without her. No one could blame you for thinking about all of the options._

I nodded in acknowledgement of his thoughts, but they did nothing to assuage the guilt I still felt at even thinking of it, and I looked away again.

"I didn't want to think about biting her..." I said, and I swallowed reflexively in a habit that had faded to nothing in recent weeks, almost expecting to feel the burn of the venom in my throat again. "I thought about using a syringe, to administer the venom... my venom."

There was silence in the room again, and after a moment I forced myself to look up at Carlisle, feeling sick and like a coward. But again he was simply looking at me, though this time he smiled slightly.

"That sounds like a remarkably... sensible idea," he said. "I'm surprised that it had never occurred to me before... It would work, I'm certain."

"So, all you need to do, is resolve to give me the venom."

"When?"

"Now," Alice said softly, and an instant later I recognised the swirl of thoughts in her mind, that quickly became a vision. She closed her eyes and began to speak, telling the others what we could both see unfolding before us, but I ignored her words, as I focussed on the vision in her mind.

_I was sitting on Carlisle and Esme's bed, Esme beside me as Carlisle entered the room with a syringe filled with a metallic looking liquid. He handed it to me, and after a moment's hesitation, I slid the needle into my arm. A moment later it fell to the floor, as I fell back onto the bed with a moan._

_The screaming began quickly, and I watched as each of my family took turns in coming to sit by me._

_Bella appeared hours later, crying hysterically. I watched her beg Carlisle to change her too, but he refused, so instead she lay on the bed, trying her best to soothe me as the flames burned me away. Despite my family's best efforts to make her leave, she refused to move, curling herself around me as I screamed and thrashed on the bed. She shook with her own sobs as I suffered the torment of the change, and she threw herself across my body every time another member of my family came near me, screaming at them to leave us alone._

I suddenly became aware of the tears streaming down my face, as I watched Bella's agony over mine. But despite the fact that I wanted nothing more than to look away, I could not. I had felt something in Alice's thoughts which made me afraid, some certainty that this was something I _had_ to know.

_Days later Carlisle came and dragged Bella away from me. My skin now looked hard and white, and my features had shifted slightly, I could see that it wouldn't be long until I awoke in my new form._

_I watched as Carlisle handed Bella to Emmett, as she struggled fruitlessly, and I heard him say just one word to him._

"_Run."_

_Emmett nodded grimly, and in an instant they were gone. _

Alice seemed to pause for a moment, and I saw her shake her head minutely, and then almost brace herself, before she closed her eyes again, allowing the vision to wash back over her.

_We were back in Carlisle's room where all of my family stood near the doorway, except for Jasper, who had returned and now stood closer to me where I lay on the bed. As they watched, my eyes opened, a brilliant ruby red, and I growled. An instant later I was up from the bed, standing in the corner of the room, crouching down facing Jasper, whose expression was horrified._

_I appeared to become distracted suddenly, and I lifted my hand to my face, and sniffed gently, before inhaling more deeply as I ran my nose along the entire length of my arm._

"_Edward," Japer said softly. "You need to try to focus and calm down."_

_I looked at him again, and for the first time in the vision, I really saw my own eyes. _

_They were the eyes of a madman._

_I showed no recognition towards my family at all as I looked around the room, before I raised my nose into the air, and inhaled deeply, slowly, almost sensuously. I raised my hands to my face again, and drew in another breath before I groaned, closing my eyes in what looked like pleasure. Suddenly the tip of my tongue ran across the skin of the palm of my hand, and I flinched. I loud growl began to rumble through the room, and I turned towards the window, as if to move towards it._

_Before I could move any further, Jasper launched himself at me, pinning me to the ground. _

"_Edward, you have to focus, you know how, you've done this before. You can smell Bella, but if you hurt her, you'll only hurt yourself."_

"_What's happening?" Esme said from the doorway, the concern evident in her voice._

"_He's totally lost it. He's too drenched in Bella's scent, his _singer's _scent. I can't get any control over his emotions at all." Jasper grunted, as a snarl ripped through the room._

_Suddenly we both flipped into the air, and I escaped from his grip. He stalked me, and tried to pounce on me, but it was no good. I was a newborn again, my immense strength unmatched by Jasper, only there was obviously enough of me left to remember how to fight. Very soon it was obvious that he was going to lose._

_We fought, destroying the contents of the room within seconds in movements like lightning, making it almost impossible for me to follow Alice's vision for a moment, until there was a horrifying shrieking sound, and Jasper tumbled to the floor, torn to pieces. _

_I stood over his body and roared like an animal. There wasn't an ounce of humanity left in me as I bared my teeth at the rest of them in the doorway. Nonetheless, Carlisle and Rosalie flew at me, as Alice and Esme fell to their knees and began furiously trying to drag Jasper back together again._

_With apparently no effort at all, I knocked Rosalie away from me, sending her crashing through the wall into the open air. I turned towards the hole she created myself, seemingly distracted for a moment, and Carlisle took the opportunity and landed on my back, knocking me to the floor._

"_He mustn't leave this room!" Alice screeched as she continued to drag pieces of Jasper together again. "If he gets away, he'll catch them!"_

_Carlisle didn't get a chance to reply, as with another screeching sound, I tore his head from his shoulders, and threw it through the hole in the wall in front of me. _

_I took another step forward, towards the outside, and Alice threw herself at me, catching me around the ankle. "Edward, no, you'll never forgive yourself!"_

_I didn't even look down as I kicked her hard in the face, dislodging her hand from my skin, before I leapt into the daylight._

_Suddenly the vision changed, and we were with Emmett and Bella as they ran through the mountains. Bella was clinging to Emmett, her arms around his neck and her face buried deep in his chest as they moved, but suddenly he stopped dead._

"_What is it?" Bella whispered. She pulled away from his chest, and I could see terror in her red rimmed eyes._

"_He's coming. I can smell him. You have to run baby sis." Emmett dropped Bella to her feet, and she staggered slightly, probably disoriented from moving so quickly._

"_Let me talk to him! He'll listen to me, please Emmett. He wouldn't hurt me." Tears began pouring down her face as she put her hands in his. "Please, don't fight. Don't hurt him, this isn't his fault."_

"_Bella, please, just get out of here. Edward's fucked in the head right now, he's not himself. If I let him hurt you, he'll never forgive me!" Bella was shaking her head the whole time as Emmett spoke and I could feel the frustration building up inside me as I watched the vision helplessly. Why wouldn't she just run?_

"_He won't!"_

"_RUN!" Emmett roared at her, as he pushed her away, and spun to face me, as I casually stepped through the trees before them. _

_But she didn't. Bella stepped out from behind him, and looked at me. "Edward, baby, it's me."_

_I didn't move, and Bella took a step forward, seeming to think that she was getting through to me. _

_But she wasn't. I could see by the expression on my face that this was only part of the game for me, part of the hunt, and I stood quietly while she smiled at me, and began to talk to me soothingly._

"_Edward, I'm so sorry, why did you let them do this to you? I don't understand, baby. But it's ok. Everything's going to be ok..." She stopped approaching me, and a look of concern crossed her features, the split second before I launched myself at her._

_But in my focus on Bella, I had forgotten Emmett. He threw her backwards the instant before I would have reached her, and crashed into me, sending us both flying across the forest floor in a cloud of earth and rocks. _

_A second later we stopped a hundred yards away, when we smashed into the base of a tree, sending it crashing to the ground, but that didn't stop the fight. Immediately we were rolling across the floor, faster than the human eye would be able to follow. As we fought, sounds of destruction, as well as the shriek of teeth against skin, echoed through the forest._

_Neither of us was now focussed on Bella, but as we tore at each other she stood and began to run slowly away, deeper into the forest. Her movement distracted me for a moment, giving Emmett the advantage as he picked me up, looking as if he had nearly won the fight as he began to take bites out of my throat._

It was a surreal feeling, watching myself in a death match against my brother, and hoping against hope that he would be able to destroy me. I didn't get to hope for long though.

_In a movement so sudden I couldn't even follow it in Alice's vision, I was out of Emmett's arms, and perched on his back. An instant later, I ripped his head from his shoulders, and threw it far into the forest, away from his body as he dropped to the floor like a stone._

_Suddenly my demeanour changed, and I stopped, sniffing the air appreciatively. I licked my lips, and coiled into a hunting crouch, before running slowly through the forest in the direction that Bella had just headed._

I knew what was coming next, and I immediately made a conscious decision that I would _never _allow myself to be changed again. But the vision didn't stop. It kept playing in Alice's mind, and I couldn't tear myself away.

"I can't stop it now, Edward," Alice murmured, seemingly from far away. "Even if it never happens, the vision must play out."

I tried to turn and run away from her, unwilling to watch what would come next, but I was disoriented from being lost in Alice's thoughts for so long, and I tumbled to the floor. I couldn't escape, and the harder I tried to fight it, the more Alice's vision flooded through my mind.

_I stalked Bella for hours through the forest, showing myself to her in tiny glimpses as she tried hopelessly to run from me. At first she talked to me, told me how much she loved me and that everything would be ok. Then she moved on to begging. Begging me to leave her alone, begging me not to hurt her, telling me that I would never forgive myself after I did this._

_But I just seemed to enjoy that more. My expression was that of a madman, or maybe just that of the monster, and I never once replied to her. I never said a word. _

_Finally, after what must have been hours of wandering the forest alone, Bella fell to the floor yet again, and this time didn't get up, instead laying on the floor sobbing, as she screamed at me._

"_COME ON THEN, YOU SON OF A BITCH! Come and get me! Or are you too much of a coward? I already knew that you were a FUCKING COWARD!" She was trying to shout, but her voice was mostly quiet, muffled by the sobs. _

_Yet, I still didn't approach her, and I was beginning to hope that maybe I wouldn't. Maybe even insane I recognised her. Bella got up to her feet again a few minutes later, somewhat unsteadily, and began to walk again, when suddenly I pounced upon her, catching hold of the tops of her arms in mine in what looked like a painful grip. She screamed my name as she flailed against me, but I brought my mouth to hers forcefully in a semblance of a kiss to quiet her. I ripped her shirt from her body in a swift movement as she struggled helplessly in my grasp, and as I watched, I suddenly realised that this time, even her blood wouldn't be enough for me._

"For the love of God Alice, _STOP_!" I screamed, and a moment later I found myself outside, far enough away from Alice that I didn't have to watch another second. Someone dropped me to the ground, knocking the breath out of me; I rolled over to find Rosalie standing over me.

"I didn't need to hear that shit either," she said, looking away across the river behind the house, into the forest.

I scrambled into a sitting position, and put my head in my hands. My mind was all over the place, having just watched myself tear apart my brothers and my father, and then attack Bella. Although it wasn't me, it could be, and I was horrified that such a monster could ever dwell inside me. I couldn't speak, and Rose simply stood next to me for a few moments, before she sunk to the ground beside me.

"It wasn't you, Edward. That wasn't you - don't tear yourself up over it."

"It could be," I replied without moving, unable to believe that Rosalie of all people was trying to comfort me.

"You barely resisted Bella the first time you met her, after eighty years of learning to control yourself. Imagine yourself going through the change drenched in her scent, waking up as a newborn surrounded by her. It wasn't you," she continued, and I looked up at her, desperate for _someone _to tell me that everything was alright. "I know you're not that kind of man, we all do."

I nodded and looked down again, unable to bear hearing anything else right then. Rosalie seemed to understand, as after a moment she stood and went back inside, leaving me alone in the early morning darkness.

I sat and replayed Alice's vision in my mind again and again, trying to forget it, but instead finding it burning deeper and deeper into my memory as the time passed. I had watched what I had done as a third party as Alice's vision had appeared, and despite that sense of detachment, I still felt a huge amount of guilt for my actions in the vision.

Whatever Rosalie said, in the right circumstances, that _could _be me.

The sun was beginning to rise by the time I stood again, and made my way back into the house. There was one more thing I needed to say this morning, before I went home and faced Bella.

I walked back into the living room through the broken doorway in the glass wall; Rosalie had clearly ripped the handle off, breaking the lock, in her effort to get me away from Alice's vision. Her ability to do that was something I was enormously grateful for.

Everybody was still in the main room, quiet now, and in each of their thoughts I could hear Alice's descriptions of her vision replaying as they thought about what she had seen. I closed my mind, thanking God that I seemed to be able to do so again, as I entered. The lights were on, for my benefit obviously, and the shadows around the room danced as the chandelier swung slightly in the strong breeze coming from the open door.

"I'm so sorry, Edward," Alice said as I entered. "You know that I have to let things play out once the vision comes to me, I can't control it."

"I know," I replied, trying to smile in her direction, but certain that I had only managed a grimace. "I'm ok."

"It stopped very soon after you left anyway, as soon as you bit her... it faded away."

"Is it gone now?" This was the only question that mattered to me right then. However much I wanted my new life, if that was how it was going to eventually end, I would go and throw myself off a cliff this very minute.

"Yes. Absolutely." Alice nodded, before her expression became more worried again. "But, this isn't the first time I've seen something like this. At the beginning... you thought about it a lot. The end was always the same."

"You won't see it again," I replied. "That must never be allowed to happen, you all understand?"

"Yes."

"Of course."

"No shit, Sherlock."

I rolled my eyes at Emmett's response, but when I looked at him his expression was almost as broken as I felt. I knew that hearing what could happen, had to have been as difficult for each of them, as it had been for me to see it.

"Then we all have to agree now - no you all have to _promise me_."I stopped and looked at each of them in turn. "Whatever happens, whatever I say, whatever I do, none of you can allow me to ever go through the change again. _Ever_. Even if it's a choice between changing me, or death; I choose death."

All of them nodded silently, and after standing together for a few moments more, I turned and walked towards the front door. I was glad that they were back, and knew that I would get over what I had just seen, in time, but at that moment I never wanted to set eyes on any of them ever again.

I heard Carlisle call out, just as my hand reached for the door.

"We will be discreet, but from now on, Edward, you will never be alone."

"Thank you." I didn't turn again, in fact I had hardly even stopped, as I made my way out of the house, almost falling into the Volvo that I had brought to avoid my stench filled BMW.

I drove home in a daze, and I was almost amazed that I didn't manage to drive headlong into a tree on the way there, considering the complete lack of attention I was paying to the road.

I felt hardly any the wiser about what was coming to threaten us some time over the next few months, but at least I was comforted to know that my family had every intention of standing by us. But if none of us knew what was coming, then how would they even defend us? And what if it was something that even they wouldn't be able to win against?

The fact that Alice's visions seemed to be indicating that the threat was vampires, meant I couldn't help but wonder if maybe the Volturi were involved. Maybe they found out about what happened to me, and felt that a human, former-vampire wasn't something they wanted to exist? But then Carlisle hadn't had any contact with them in many decades, what would make them think of us now?

The thought that maybe I myself was the problem sprang to mind, but then, in all of Alice's visions before her last one, I had been very clearly human when whatever it was finally struck.

And of course, then there was her last vision to think about. Of course I remembered being a newborn the first time, but I had at least been sane with it, mostly. In Alice's visions, there hardly seemed to be any of me left at all. Just the monster, inhabiting me fully.

The final vision of Bella's face as I had attacked her haunted me, and I felt more tears begin to escape as I pulled into the driveway outside our house. I didn't even remember most of the journey home, I only hoped I hadn't accidentally run anyone over on my way and not noticed.

I blinked as the engine stopped, and wondered vaguely what to tell Bella now. I looked around and noticed that the cruiser was already gone, and when I checked my watch I was surprised to see that it was already almost seven. It would be time to head off for school in a minute, if I were actually planning on going today, that was.

As I wondered about what to tell her, I noticed movement out of the corner of my eye, and I looked around to find Bella standing in the doorway, fully dressed and with her arms folded across her chest. She looked furious, but I didn't have the energy to worry about that right now. I had to steel myself before I got out of the car and walked towards her, as I knew that the more she knew, the safer she would be. It was time to tell her what was going on.

"Edward, what the hell?" she began as I approached her. "I thought we'd agreed..." She stopped speaking suddenly as I walked straight into her arms and dropped my face to her shoulder.

"What happened?"

But I couldn't find the words, and I simply stood wrapped around her for a few moments, relaxing at last in the only comfort I had really ever wanted. She wrapped her arms around me, and began to scratch her nails across my scalp gently, soothingly, waiting for me to speak.

But before I could do that, I ran my hands up and down her soft curves, really feeling her, feeling how soft she felt to me, but how we matched. Both as warm and soft as each other, exactly how it should be. And at last the horrifying, vivid images in my mind began to fade away, albeit slightly. I slipped my hands under her shirt at her waist, and ran them over her soft skin, the connection I felt every time I touched her warming me, soothing me in a way I couldn't even begin to describe.

"Edward," she whispered. "Maybe we should go inside. I think you need to tell me what the hell's going on."

I nodded, and let her lead me in by the hand, resolved that I would tell her everything she needed to know. After all, this was about both of us now, and she would be that much easier to take care of if she knew exactly what we were facing.

I told her everything we knew that morning, sparing her no details. She was shocked, but not surprised, as she had guessed at some point as well that my family hadn't originally told us all of the reasons of their return. We didn't let go of each other for a second as I recounted every vision, every clue we had, wanting to arm her as much as I could with knowledge, not knowing if one tiny thing could make the difference for one of us, one day.

We never made it to school that day, instead she clung to me as I spared her nothing. I was almost torturing myself as well as her by recounting it all, but every time I paused, she begged me to continue, reassuring me that she could take anything, as it was less scary than being kept in the dark.

The only thing I didn't plan to tell her was Alice's last vision, of what would happen if I were to ever be changed back into a vampire again. I couldn't bear for her to know about the monster that I could become, even under such circumstances, and I could think of no reason why she would ever need to.

If I was being honest, I was trying to forget it myself too, and as the day passed I became more and more able to let it go. In a way it felt almost liberating, and when Bella and I returned to bed later that morning to catch up on our missed sleep, I had a small revelation of my own.

As I hovered between awake and asleep, I realised that, in my own mind, I had almost been feeling the same as Rosalie, not believing that this could really and truly be permanent. I had hoped and dreamed about a future with Bella, but that is exactly what they had been - hopes and dreams. But now they had shifted into something else.

I lay with Bella cradled in my arms, in our bed that late morning, and I resolved to do whatever it took to save _both_ of us from whatever was coming. Because now I no longer had just hopes and dreams.

I had plans.

~oOo~

**A/N – A tough chapter, but an important one. **

**If you want a glimpse into the beginning of Edward's plans, hit review for a teaser of the next chapter "The farce before Christmas". Apologies if you didn't get your teaser last time, I know many of you did, but ff is a tad buggered at the moment, and nothing seems to be working properly... Thank you as ever to everyone reviews, I hope you're enjoying the teasers when they do make it to you ;)!**

**Waking Up is up for a vampires award, and voting is still open I believe, if you have a minute try the link below and vote for me if you feel so inclined! If not, go anyway, as I've discovered a few cool fics on the list.**

www(dot)twificpics(dot)com(slash)vampawards(slash)?page_id=198

**I have 2 recs for this week, both of which are "vampirey" ones for a change!**

"**That Pain to Miss" by HelenahJay – Edward did not try to suck the venom out when James bit Bella, and so she went through the change. Only, in his guilt over not saving her, Edward runs away from her and his family. This is complete, and fills an evening perfectly!**

"**Beyond Time" by TKegl – Edward has left Bella, but before she can do anything stupid like cliff diving she travels back in time to meet him in 1918. There are other fics around with a similar storyline, but this is the best one I've ever read. Not complete, but 22 chaps in, so lots to read.**

**Til next time,**

**Ria**


	33. Advent

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight!

Thanks go as ever to my beta venomaddict, but especially to my prereaders who have stepped into the breach this time while venomaddict deals with RL.

We have another time lapse today; it's now the day before Christmas Eve, seven weeks after Halloween. Edward has now been human for approximately four months….

This is an un-edited NC17/MA chapter. If you're not old enough to read it, _don't_.

~oOo~

**Edward**

I groaned in pain as I stepped into my early morning shower, clutching at the aching muscles in my shoulder as I tried to massage the discomfort away under the flow of hot water. As I did, I silently thanked God that today was the first day of the Christmas break, so Emmett was no longer responsible for my physical wellbeing. At least for the next couple of weeks of the Christmas holidays.

Emmett had started work at the school the day after Halloween, taking on the role of assistant coach under the guise of work experience, before going to college next year to do Sports medicine. It was an unpaid role, as it appeared to have been created especially for him at Carlisle's request to the school, to provide him with some 'real life experience before he went to college'. And it did exactly what Emmett wanted it to.

It gave him an excuse to be at the High School openly, to be able to keep an eye on me and Bella during the day, and it also gave him a reason to torture me almost to death, under the pretence of helping me to 'train'.

I stretched my shoulder a bit more under the soothing water, biting back the whimper that wanted to break through at the sharp twinge crying out in my muscles. Far from showing any favoritism, Emmett was trying his damnedest to push me harder than any of the rest of the team, and I was becoming quite sure that the old adage 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger' wasn't always true.

It had been six weeks since the night we had used Alice's visions to try to explain the darkness she saw in Bella's and my future, and nothing had changed in her visions since then. At first we had lived on a knife edge, jumping at every sound, until it got to the point that the stress seemed to be ruling both of us. Added to the fact that we were both more than aware of the fact that our every move was being shadowed by a member of my family, for a time life became unbearable.

The tension caused us to snap at each other and Charlie constantly; it got to the point there were more fish than we had room for in the freezer, as Charlie avoided being in the house more and more.

_God, I hate fish._

It all came to a head one night when while we were sitting on the couch supposedly watching TV, actually making out, while we waited for Charlie to get home. The room was silent apart from the sound of our lips and hands working against each other, when suddenly there was an enormous crack.

"_What the hell was that?" We had both jumped at the sound, our nerves ragged from the constant vigilance, and my first instinct was to take Bella and run immediately._

_Bella was trembling, and my heart broke at the look of alarm in her eyes. "I don't know. It sounded like a gun," she whispered, as we both slid off of the couch to the floor, keeping our bodies low._

"_How do you know what a gunshot sounds like?" _

"_I've watched Law and Order!" Bella sounded slightly hysterical, and she was clinging tightly to me, all of which only added to my agitation._

"_Where the hell is Emmett?" I growled, as we both scuttled out of the living room, and made our way into the kitchen at the back of the house. I knew that my brother was supposed to be on guard duty tonight, and the fact that he hadn't yet come in to check on us had me worried._

"_What do we do?" Bella said, looking to me with a degree of trust that I felt I didn't deserve in that moment, as I searched around the room for somewhere to hide._

"_Quick, in here!" I opened the largest cupboard door on ground level, and Bella immediately threw herself down and crawled in, grabbing my hand as she did._

"_Come on!"_

"_No, there isn't room!" Part of me was planning to search the rest of the house for the source of the noise, but Bella was having none of it._

"_Don't be stupid, get in! I'm not sitting in here on my own, while you wander around the house. Have you never watched a horror movie? They'll get you first; then come after me!" Her voice was escalating as she spoke, until she was practically squeaking at me. I smirked as I got down on the floor beside her. Despite the possible danger of the situation, the humor in it wasn't lost on me._

"_Who's they?" I asked as I crawled into the cupboard beside her, squashed up alongside a few random, rarely used pots and pans. There wasn't room for both of us to fit in entirely, so our feet were poking out of the open cupboard door, somewhat conspicuously._

"_I don't know. Whoever just made that noise," she hissed in the semi-darkness, her tone annoyed now, as she squeezed my hand tightly._

"_Oh." Seeing as nothing had actually happened in the couple of minutes since we had first heard the noise I was beginning to get over my initial panic, and was starting to feel a little bit ridiculous. With the cupboard door open, and our feet sticking out, our hiding place wasn't going to fool Charlie, let alone a marauding vampire. _

_A few more minutes passed, before Bella spoke again. "How long should we sit here?" she whispered softly._

"_I don't know," I replied loudly, no longer feeling the urge to whisper. "Shall we go and see what's going on? I'm pretty sure if there was a problem we'd have heard from Alice by now, and I'm getting a cramp in my butt."_

_She considered for a moment, and I could see a smile beginning to form on her lips. "I feel a bit silly, sitting here."_

"_So do I." I started to back our slowly, still somehow managing to bang my head on the top of it as I stood up, before I helped Bella out a little more carefully. "Where did it come from?"_

"_Definitely outside..." Bella looked towards the darkness through the kitchen window and frowned._

"_Well, let's go and see if we can see anything from upstairs."_

_We crept up the stairs, still being quiet just in case, and headed into Bella's room first, to look outside the front of the house._

"_I can see something moving, over in the forest," Bella said, as she squinted into the darkness, the trees ahead of us were just shadows in the moonlight, but despite that, I could see something moving too. "What is that?"_

"_I don't know." There was definitely movement, but I couldn't quite make out what was going on._

_Bella put her hand down on her desk, and it landed squarely on a pair of binoculars. She picked them up and peered through them casually, as I tried to remember if I had ever seen them before. After a second she squealed, and pulled them away from her eyes._

"_I'm going to kill them!" she said, her expression half amused and half furious, as she threw the binoculars back down on the table, and ran out of the room._

_I picked them up curiously, unable to follow her until I saw for myself what she had just seen. I peered through them, towards the moving mass in the forest, only to see Emmett and Rosalie thrashing energetically against the stump of a freshly broken tree._

_I groaned as I pulled the binoculars away from my eyes; I had hoped that was something I would never have to witness again. I made to walk away from the window just as I saw Bella tearing towards them, yelling like a banshee._

_I chuckled, as I left the room, finally remembering where the binoculars had come from; Bella's birthday present from Alice. _

_Maybe a phone call warning about what was going on would have been simpler Alice..._

Before I had even gotten outside Rosalie had vanished, and Bella had picked up a remarkably large branch from the ground. I ran after her, and caught up with her just as she began to beat Emmett about the head with it, whilst yelling at him at the top of her voice. In his surprise Emmett had darted away from her, only to hit another tree, causing even more damage to the forest directly outside our house.

By the time Carlisle and Alice had arrived a couple of minutes later I had convinced Bella to stop hitting Emmett, who's feelings were hurt even if his body wasn't, and we went into the house to talk about what had happened.

Bella was furious, caused mainly by spending the previous couple of weeks living in fear, and as soon as we sat down she announced that my family were no longer allowed to stand over us like guard dogs. Alice's visions had remained unchanged, and we all agreed that the threat did not seem to be imminent, so we decided that the ongoing guard duty would stop.

What with Emmett and Alice being at school with us all day, and Alice keeping careful watch over her visions of us at night, we still felt perfectly safe. Plus, both Bella and I felt less guilty with them not having to stand guard over us constantly, and the relief at reclaiming our privacy had been immense. Life started to begin to feel normal again.

But even as life returned to normal, I continued to make contingency plans. Alice's visions remained unchanging, meaning that yes, the threat was no closer... but it was still there nonetheless.

After the incident in Phoenix in the spring, I had already arranged for some false documents in the names of Edward and Bella Masen to be created. A driver's License, Passports and the like, which we had already made use of once, on the first night of my new humanity.

However, in the last few weeks I had begun to create more detailed shells of new aliases, just in case we ever needed to be able to vanish overnight one day. I created bank accounts, transferring large sums of money into different banks, in different states, around the country. I created three new aliases for both of us, and obtained the very best forged documentation for each of them, and then arranged for these documents to be concealed around the country in safety deposit boxes.

Before Jasper had taken over this aspect of our lives, it had been my job to create my family's new histories and identities each time we had moved on, so I had plenty of experience and contacts to fall back on. Under the guise of studying alongside Bella, I created foolproof identities; capable of passing FBI checks if needs be, as I was determined to make practical preparations to protect Bella and myself in the event that my family was unable to.

I didn't tell anyone what I was doing, though I felt certain that Alice must have seen something. I even kept my plans from Bella, certain that by keeping them entirely secret, they would remain that bit more secure.

And to that end, with more subterfuge than I had ever needed to use in my old life, I had concealed one final set of documentation, away from even Alice's eyes.

It was the only thing I could think of that I could do, to provide us with somewhere to run to, in case we ever needed it, and I made sure that I did the very best job physically possible. As it stood today, if Bella and I needed to disappear we could, and I would challenge the best private investigators or even FBI agents to ever find us.

I shook my head, dismissing my thoughts as I washed my hair under the steaming hot water. Alice had seen that even my deepest cover aliases wouldn't protect us from whatever was coming in the long run, so staying in Forks still seemed to be the best option. _For now_.

But if the time ever came everything was in place, and it made me feel better to know that we now had the ability to vanish in a matter of hours, if not minutes.

It had comforted me to a degree, being able to spend my time making practical preparations and arrangements. At least in this way I felt that I was making a contribution to keeping Bella safe, something that I realized was very important for my own mental wellbeing. I was not taking kindly to also being "looked after" effectively these days by my family.

I shrugged off my darker thoughts as I continued with my shower. The next few days were about something else entirely, my very reason for existing, and I was so excited I had hardly slept last night.

Today was the day before Christmas Eve, and Alice, Rosalie, Esme and Bella were going for a girl's day out of last minute Christmas shopping in Seattle. By the time they were planning on staying in Seattle this evening for dinner, for Bella at least, she wasn't going to be home until very late. The timing couldn't have been better planned from my point of view, and I was certain that Alice knew that.

You see, with Bella out of the house I got exactly what I needed this evening - a night to myself with Charlie.

I had been thinking about it for months, planning it for weeks, and finally, tonight was the night, the most important night of my life, so far.

Because tonight I planned on asking Charlie for his permission, to ask Bella to marry me.

I had been bursting with excitement for weeks, ever since I had decided that I was going to ask Bella to marry me on Christmas Eve, but I had struggled to get a quiet moment alone with Charlie, which had made me more and more frustrated. Bella always seemed to be around whenever Charlie was, and as the weeks passed I began to panic that I wasn't going to get the chance to ask his permission before Christmas Eve came around.

That was, of course, until Alice's little last minute shopping expedition.

_Thank God._

My mother's engagement ring was safely tucked into my jacket pocket, where it had been for weeks, ever since I brought it home from my room in the Cullen house. I didn't dare leave it anywhere in our bedroom in case Bella was to find it, and I had found myself unwilling to leave it anywhere any further afield. So, instead, in my jacket pocket it had remained, close to my heart and reminding me every day of what I had planned for mine and Bella's first Christmas together.

I knew that Charlie was planning on working a long shift on Christmas Eve, so as he would get to be home for the whole of Christmas day. That gave Bella and I Christmas Eve to ourselves, and, with Charlie's blessing, I planned to ask Bella to be my wife. After spending the entire of the day spoiling her, that is.

I stepped out of the shower and toweled myself off roughly, before heading back into our bedroom to get dressed. I wondered if Bella had got out of bed yet, and as I did I thought about what it would be like to get to do this every day for the rest of my life.

_Yes, I'm excited. Can you blame me? I'm one hundred and four years old. It's about time I settled down._

Bella was still in bed when I got there, snuggled under the comforter, and I threw myself down beside her, making her bounce gently into the air. As I did I groaned in pain again, and cursed Emmett thoroughly under my breath.

"Does it still hurt, baby?" Bella mumbled from somewhere under the covers, as I clutched at my painful shoulder muscles again.

"A bit." I really didn't want to complain, this was the third time I had been left in pain due to Emmett's over enthusiastic 'training' techniques, and I was beginning to feel like a hypochondriac.

"Ahhh, poor thing, let me..." Bella finally emerged from under the comforter and gasped, as she realized that I was lying on top of the covers, still drying off from my shower, absolutely naked.

I smirked as she blatantly looked me up and down, dragging her eyes up my body before eventually meeting my own. I raised an eyebrow, and she quickly shuffled over towards me on the bed.

"Good shower?" she asked me softly, as her hand sneaked out and touched my shoulder, before it ran down the length of my body slowly until she reached my lower stomach. She stroked the trail of hair she found there slowly, as she watched my reaction.

"Could have been better," I replied as a smile broke out across my face. A shower alone was nice, but never as good as one with company.

I reached out for her, and went to roll over and pull her body to mine, when the muscle in my shoulder which had been giving me so many problems wrenched again, painfully.

"Owwwww!" I groaned, rolling quickly onto my back as I grabbed at the painful spot, and for the hundredth time to today I cursed my brother.

"Edward?" Bella shuffled across until she was leaning on her hand, looking into my eyes as I lay prostrate on the bed. "Do you need me to call Carlisle?"

I had already seen Carlisle once over a pulled muscle like this, and he had been quite amused when he had seen me. Apparently, the pain I was suffering was something that most humans felt at one time or another, and generally lived with. Despite the extreme pain I seemed to be suffering with it, he had assured me that it wasn't in fact going to be fatal, and that there was actually very little he could do about it.

"Don't you dare. I'm fine." On his departure last time, Carlisle's thoughts had revealed the words 'drama queen' before he could block them, and to my great embarrassment they had seemed to be aimed at me. Right then I had decided that I would not be calling Carlisle again for anything, unless maybe if there was actually some part of me literally falling off.

_And maybe not even then._

"Ok." Bella began to massage my throbbing shoulder firmly, soothing the dull ache with her touch. "I'm going to have words with Emmett when I see him on Christmas Day though. I think I'm going to serve him an especially large portion of Christmas dinner."

She smiled at me craftily as she continued to massage my aching body, providing me with ample distraction from the ache in my limbs, by creating a new ache lower down.

It had been decided by the women in my life that we would all be eating Christmas dinner together in the Cullen house in Port Angeles this year. And when I say all, I was including Charlie within our number, which meant that my family would be at least pretending to eat the Turkey along with us humans, a fact which had displeased Emmett greatly when he was told about it.

Bella and Esme had been co-ordinating on the Christmas dinner for several days now, and I couldn't help but feel bad that such an enormous meal was being prepared when only three of us were actually able to eat it. But Bella seemed to be in her element, and appeared to be thrilled to have so many people to cook for on Christmas Day, even if they weren't really going to eat the food.

_I really don't get women sometimes._

"Is that any better, baby?" Bella asked me softly, as she continued to massage my shoulder. My experience with pain had been very limited for nearly a century, up until a few weeks ago anyway, and I was finding that my tolerance to it was very low. When I'd commented on this to Bella though a few days before, she had burst out laughing and then refused to tell me why. She simply said that sometimes I 'made a better human man than I even realized'.

"A bit." I winced as I shifted around, and hoped that the tablets I had taken would take effect soon. I was bored of feeling incapacitated, and I had things to do today.

Bella began to run her hands up and down my body as we spoke, and despite the fact that I was quite uncomfortable; my cock hadn't got the memo apparently, and was now standing to attention under her encouragement, adding even more to my discomfort. And her hand hadn't even really been near it yet.

"How much does it hurt?"

I tried to move again, and this time I just groaned. "Enough that I could do with just lying here for a while, until the painkillers I just took kick in."

Bella's hand stopped moving, and I regretted my words immediately.

"So, you can't really move right now?" she asked, as she bit her lip to restrain a smile at me. "You know, even if you wanted to?"

I shook my head no, and suddenly her hand dipped a touch lower, and she stroked the skin between the top of my thigh and my hip bone. I twitched, her hand only a fraction of an inch away from grazing the tip of my cock.

"Well, ok, maybe I can." The thought of touching her allowed me to overcome my pain for a moment, as I tried to roll over towards her again. But then I groaned and rolled back as a bolt of blinding agony shot through me, making me feel as if someone had been using my shoulder as a battering ram. "Ouch! No, maybe not."

_Dear God, _

_Please make Emmett come down with an extremely uncomfortable, vampires-only disease, that causes his nuts to itch like he has an ants nest in his pants._

_Thank you._

I flopped back onto the bed, and scowled with frustration, as Bella watched me, with a smirk.

"So..." she said, as her hand trailed back and forth across my stomach, making the muscles there clench and twitch, and generally driving me crazy. "What to do with you, while you're stuck lying here... What to do, what to do..."

The smirk was still on her face as she ran both her hands up my body until she reached my shoulders. Her fingers gently glided down my arms, tracing my biceps, before she traced the veins in my forearms down to my hands. After tracing her finger tips down to meet my own, she quickly took hold of my hands, and guided them upwards until they were both high over my head, being careful with my sore shoulder as she did. She tucked them under a pillow, before she pressed down on it, pushing it under the head board slightly, so there was just a little pressure holding my hands where they were.

"What are you...?" I knew that I must have looked confused, but Bella just raised an eyebrow at me, and smiled seductively.

"You're not allowed to move them, your hands I mean..." Her expression was suddenly a little nervous. "If that's ok, I mean-"

"NO! I - that's ok." I smiled back at her, and she visibly relaxed. I had no idea what she was planning on doing, but there was no scenario I could envisage in this position, naked and gently restrained on the bed, that wasn't going to work for me.

"Ok." Bella sat up, and finally climbed out from under the covers. She smelled warm and fragrant, of the smell that was just inherently Bella, and I couldn't restrain the crooked smile that I knew she loved at the sight of her tossing her hair over her shoulders. She was wearing one of my T shirts, and a pair of boy shorts, and I suddenly regretted that my hands were restrained; I wanted to take them off.

"Bella." I swallowed, my throat feeling a little dry as she continued to trail her fingers lazily across my chest, occasionally stopping to catch hold of and stroke some of the fine hair that she found there. "Take your shirt off."

She bit her lip, before she suddenly leant over me and kissed me on my nipple, watching my expression as she did it. "Not unless you ask me nicely."

_!_

My mind went blank for a minute. What was she trying to do to me? I felt completely exposed, lying naked beside her while she was still mostly dressed, and my mind started to race, trying to work out what she wanted from me.

"Bella," I tried again. "Please, take your shirt of so I can see your beautiful body while you touch me."

"That's better," she whispered, before she reached over her head and ever so slowly pulled my shirt off. Moments later she lay down beside me again, now clad only in her underwear.

I started to move my hands down, but she spotted me and grabbed hold of my arms, stopping my movement.

"Uh uh, you're not allowed to do that, Edward."

"Ohhh, please love, I just want to touch you..." I whined, but I stopped and sucked in a deep breath, when one of her hands dropped down from my arm, and wrapped around my aching length.

"Would you rather touch me, than let me touch you?" she whispered, and all of the muscles in my belly suddenly seemed to tense at once. She began to gently run her hand up and down my cock, rubbing her thumb over the tip each time she passed it. I could feel her thumb slipping on the wetness she found there, and I unconsciously shifted my hips against her hand.

I pushed my hands up further, under the pillow, and moaned softly, giving in to her entirely as she continued to stroke me.

"I won't move," I grunted as she squeezed me firmly for a moment.

She hummed in approval as her hand began to stroke me more firmly, and she leant in and placed a soft kiss against the edge of my jaw. I could feel the length of her warm body pressed against mine, and I tried to ease myself closer to her, wanting to feel as much of my skin against hers as possible.

I closed my eyes, giving myself over to the sensations as she began to kiss her way down my neck, then my chest, as she continued to stroke my cock. My hips were moving in time to her hand, and I could feel myself getting harder and harder as the sensations multiplied. The urge to touch her was overwhelming but, conscious of the fact that I had told her I wouldn't, I held onto the base of the headboard above me, keeping my hands exactly where she had wanted them.

She swirled her tongue around my nipple, before she nipped at it gently, causing a bolt of desire to run directly from where her mouth was to my cock in her hand. I felt myself twitch again.

She started to shuffle further down my body, kissing and licking at my skin as she did, until she reached the trail of hair that ran under my navel. She kissed me there gently for a moment, before I felt a sudden painful tug, as she pulled on a few of my hairs with her teeth.

"Ow," I complained without opening my eyes, but although it had been a little painful, it had been pleasurable pain, and my hips started to move faster against Bella's hand as she did it. I could feel my skin was slick in hers now, and I began to moan in pleasure at the ripples of bliss running through my body, focused on my groin.

I almost groaned in frustration when her hand stopped moving, but when I felt the very tip of her wet tongue run around the head of my cock, I grunted at the sheer effort it took not to blow my load in her face that very instant. A few seconds later I felt her lips, as she sucked on me gently, pulling my length into her mouth as I fought my body's natural urge to thrust forward.

I kept my eyes shut as Bella took care of me, and I was very aware of how much control I was relinquishing to her. With my hands above my head, my body was hers to do as she wished with, and the thought was very erotic. Though I reflected, I was always her to do as she wished with; just maybe it wasn't always this obvious.

She moved her mouth up and down slowly on my cock, before getting faster, and I clung on to my orgasm, not wanting to give up the pleasure of being in her mouth too soon. I kept my eyes shut, knowing that if I looked down that would be the end of me. I moaned again appreciatively as she began to suck harder, and curled her hand around the base of my erection, moving in time with her mouth, and making me throb with the need to come.

"Bella... uh... love..." I groaned, as my hips began to shift more against her, my need becoming too great to deny.

In response she hummed, and cupped my balls in her other hand and squeezed gently, as I finally let go, and came in her mouth with several loud grunts. I hung on to the headboard with both hands, not allowing myself to reach down and touch her as I came, using it as leverage to stop myself from bucking into her mouth.

My breathing began to calm, and a few seconds later Bella shuffled up my body again, reaching up and pulling my hands away from their place on the headboard, and bringing them around her waist.

"What was that?" I mumbled as I squeezed her tightly into my side. The muscles in my legs felt like jelly, and I was still trembling as she relaxed into my arms.

"Early Christmas present." I finally opened my eyes, and looked down to see her gazing up at me, her face alight with a happy smile.

"But I didn't get you anything," I began to trail my hands down her body, but she stopped them.

"Oh, you will. Don't worry about that." With an enigmatic smile she kissed me, and slipped out of my arms, climbing out of bed before I could stop her.

**Bella**

"You are seriously kidding me, right?" I folded my arms and glared at Alice, as she and Rosalie exchanged glances, before turning towards me at the same time.

"It's Christmas Bella; we only want you to look your best for all of the photos and everything we're going to be taking." Alice pouted as she replied, and despite my annoyance at her, I felt my resistance begin to crumble.

It wasn't until we had actually reached Seattle that Alice had revealed that none of them really needed to buy any last minute Christmas presents. I had finished my own shopping a few days ago, before Alice had even suggested this trip, and I would have been quite happy to spend the day at home with Edward. But Alice had been adamant that she needed _me_ to come and help _her _shop, of all things.

I mentally kicked myself for being so gullible. I had initially tried to get out of it, but Edward had assured me that I would have a nice time, so I agreed to come.

However, instead of heading into the mall, Rosalie had driven all four of us straight past Seattle, towards a huge Health and Beauty spa. The spa was inside a beautiful old mansion, surrounded by acres of grounds, and as soon as we had arrived we had been treated like royalty. I really hated to think about how much it had all cost.

Within minutes we were all sitting down with our individual beauty therapists, and talking about our plans for the day. I was feeling a little self conscious, having been made to strip naked by Alice first, and now only wearing a soft white terry cloth robe. Alice, Rosalie and Esme were all wearing matching robes, but whereas they all looked like Hollywood stars in theirs, I couldn't help but feel like I'd just dragged myself out of bed.

I listened as my therapist talked me through the plans for the afternoon, which mainly meant sitting around with various parts of me wrapped up in peculiar substances, and all sounded a bit boring if I was completely honest. However, my tolerance finally reached its limit, when the beauty therapist started talking to me about waxing. _Everywhere_.

At that point I asked him (HIM!) if he'd lost his freaking mind, and Alice and Rosalie had appeared and taken me to one side to explain the "ways of the spa day".

"At which point are we going to be taking photos that require me to get my..." I stuttered for several seconds, totally unsure how to put this. "... get my BUSH waxed? I don't know what you generally do for Christmas Alice, but in our house we usually eat too much Turkey, followed by a game of charades."

"But if you feel good, you look good, Bella." Alice was using the wheedling tone of voice that had gotten me into this mess in the first place. I knew I was in trouble when I only had Rosalie to look to for support.

"Don't look at me," she said with a smirk. "I haven't had any pubic hair since the thirties."

"Ohhhh, too much information, Rosalie," I groaned, and rubbed the heels of my hands into my eyes, wondering how I could make myself forget this conversation at some point very soon.

"No, too much information would be telling you the fact that neither has Emmett." I squeaked as Rosalie said that, and stuck my fingers in my ears for good measure.

"Really? I like Jasper's hair down there. He likes me to-"

I screamed, drowning out whatever it was that Alice was next planning on mentally scarring me with.

"Oh. My. God. Stop talking now. Please! If I agree to do it, will you just stop talking?"

_Shit, that sounded dangerously like I just agreed to doing this..._

"Bella," Esme was suddenly by my side, and I smiled. There was no way she'd agree to them making me do this. "Just give it a go. It's not very pleasant at the time, admittedly, but the benefits outweigh the pain."

"What?" I stared at Esme in astonishment, and Alice decided to continue convincing me.

"Edward will like it, honestly Bella."

"If you've already seen Edward liking it, I seriously don't want to know." Alice pouted again, but didn't say anything else

"This is supposed to be fun Bella," Esme chided me. "We just wanted to spend some girl time together, and this way, we all get to look our very best for Christmas." She was smiling at me in her usual kind way, and I felt myself give in.

The truth was, I did want to look my best for Christmas, and I was actually looking forward to the all over beauty treatment. Since Edward and I now lived together, I was finding it harder to find time to do some of the things I liked to keep private from him. As it was, he had walked in on me in the bath shaving my legs a few days ago, and I had almost died of embarrassment.

Also there was the fact that I suspected that Edward was planning something special for Christmas. He had been jumpy and excited for days now, and I found he was being more and more affectionate, even in public, which he had usually tried to avoid as much as possible. It was like there was this big exciting secret that he couldn't wait to tell me.

"So, are we all ready to go in here?" My therapist Raoul cried enthusiastically, suddenly seeming to appear from nowhere with the rest of his 'team'. His voice had a slightly foreign and definitely camp lilt to it, and as he spoke I wondered where they had all gone while I was being talked into doing something that sounded like a _really_ bad idea to me.

"Yes, we are!" Alice replied with just as much enthusiasm, bouncing slightly up onto her toes as she answered him, and I realized that she was unreasonably excited today as well.

"Then let's get going, ladies! Neither time or beauty waits for nobody. Am I right?"

I mumbled my agreement to his grammatically hideous comment, along with everybody else, as we were all taken off into separate rooms for our individual treatments.

"Edward had _really _better like this." I muttered more to myself than anybody as I left, and I couldn't help but glance at Alice as I did. She gave me a tiny wink and a smile, before she vanished out of the room.

I entered the treatment room, and looked around nervously. It was a tiny room, with no windows, and it smelled strongly of the many products lining the walls. There was a narrow bed against the wall covered in an Asian designed throw, beside which there was a large pot of bubbling green goo.

"Now, Bella, how bouts we do the wax first, yeah? Den you can enjoy and relax for the rest of the afternoon, without the worry. K?" I nodded, and Raoul flicked the throw from the bed, and looked at me expectantly. "Hop up here pretty girl, and I'll take care of you. By the end of it your honey won't even recognize you! No lie!"

"Ok." I mumbled as I sat down on the bed, resigned to my fate.

I distracted myself from the pain and the boredom that afternoon with daydreams about whatever it could be that Edward was so excited about. I assumed that he'd bought me something completely insane for my Christmas present; after all, he'd given me the enormous diamond I now felt naked without, as well as a car for my birthday.

I had seen on my birthday how much pleasure buying me things had brought Edward, so for his sake I resolved to be gracious about whatever it was he had bought. I tried not to dwell on the darker memories of the few days after my birthday, instead thinking up more and more absurd things that Edward could have bought.

_A Yacht? A Cruise Liner?... An Island?_

I knew that whatever he'd bought me, it would be too much, and would dwarf the small gifts I had spent days deliberating over for him. But I didn't feel the guilt I would have felt about it a few months ago. Giving me things made Edward happy, and in the end, that was all I wanted for our first Christmas.

**Edward**

Bella was dragged from the house straight after lunch by Alice to go for their afternoon of Christmas shopping, and the moment that she was gone I sprang into action. I had both this evening with Charlie to plan, as well as tomorrow for Bella, and I was in the car headed towards Port Angeles as soon as Rosalie's BMW had turned at the end of the street.

A few days after the events of Halloween I had replaced my extremely smelly BMW 3 series. However, after the revelations that Alice had made, I had replaced it with something slightly more unusual and many times more secure.

For the previous few months I had been reading online about a new car being made by Mercedes, specifically for diplomats in war zones and the like, called the Guardian. It was virtually a Sherman tank, though it was built with style in mind as well as security, and drove very well. My main concern was the fact that it was the most resilient car, with the most safety features, available anywhere in the world.

As well as being able to withstand military-grade small arms projectiles, and explosions virtually without a scratch, the interior and exterior safety features were beyond anything ever made before. The car was literally able to drive through brick walls without any harm coming to the occupants, the number of air bags making it an effective cocoon in case of an accident.

Despite the fact that it would most likely be of very little use if attacked by vampires, I felt better knowing that at least, once again, I was doing my best to make some kind of preparations to protect us both from whatever may lie around the corner.

The biggest problem I had was the fact that the Guardian was not officially for sale yet, in the US or Europe, so to obtain one had required me to use some rather underhanded methods. It had in fact cost me a little in excess of two million dollars, by the time I had bribed half of the Mercedes board of directors in order to get them to agree to let me have one, and paid extra to have it delivered to Forks directly from the top secret Mercedes testing ground within a week of my purchase.

Bella hated it, of course, seeing as we were unable to drive anywhere in it without people turning to stare. But that really didn't matter to me. This was, officially, the safest car that existed anywhere, ever, in the world. It might not help us when the time came. But then again it just might, and that was enough for me.

I spent the afternoon driving between the house and Port Angeles several times picking up everything I needed, and by the time I arrived home for the final time the cruiser was parked outside the house. I walked in, weighed down by shopping bags, to find Charlie on the phone.

"Er, hold on a second..." he said to whoever he was talking to. "I'm getting one pepperoni, one meat lovers. Ok?"

"Bella's not going to be home, she's out with Alice."

"Uh huh." Charlie stared at me for a few moments, his face indecipherable and his thoughts vaguely amused, before he addressed the telephone again. "Yeah, that's right... both extra large."

My stomach rumbled as I headed upstairs with my shopping bags, and I wondered if I ought to ask Charlie to order a couple of lots of garlic bread, and maybe some chicken wings and some ribs to go with the pizzas. I dumped my shopping on the bed for now, and ran back downstairs, but by the time I got there he'd hung up.

_Dammit._

"I got some ribs and wings too," Charlie said as he headed towards the television.

_Not that I'm likely to see any of them._

I snorted in amusement as, unusually enough, the thought came to me as clear as day from Charlie. Since I'd been living under the same roof as him I had picked up a few random thoughts here and there, and they always surprised me. I made a mental note to ensure Charlie got the first pick of the food tonight, as I wanted him to be in the best mood possible.

We sat in front of the TV, him in his chair and me on the couch, eating pizza and watching Basketball, while I tried to gather the courage to have the conversation I had been so excited to have all day. I had spent hours planning what I would say to him, trying to find the words to express how I felt about his daughter, and to convey my intense sincerity about my request for her hand.

But now I was simply terrified.

Charlie had been surprisingly supportive of me over the last few months, and I had become closer to him than I could ever have imagined possible. He and I had little in common, but we had bonded somehow, maybe it was as simple as the fact that the most important person in the world to each of us was one and the same.

But I didn't quite believe that. Charlie had done more for me than I think Carlisle could ever have expected him to, the day he begged him to take me in. I was no longer just a guest in his home. I lived here, I felt like I belonged here. And the thought that he might be about to reject me scared me on more levels than I could even count.

Eventually the game ended, and Charlie turned slightly in his chair to look at me.

"So... Have I got a stray booger, or what?"

_Shit, have I been staring at him this whole time? Crap. Shit. Crap._

He appeared to see the alarm in my expression, and his features softened slightly. I didn't quite know how to reply to that question, and after a moment's silence, he began to speak again.

"How are you feeling about going to your family's house for dinner on Christmas? I know you see them all a fair bit, but I've not heard if you've been up to their new house yet."

My family had announced their return to the area the day after we met in the Forks House, but they were now staying in a more modern house we owned in Port Angeles. Despite the good terms Bella and I were on with the Quileute these days, Carlisle still felt that it was sensible for them to stay outside of Forks, unwilling to reignite the tensions that had led them to leave in the first place.

No one questioned my family's move, I'm not sure anyone at school even realized that they were living somewhere else now, but Charlie had tried to drop by a few days after Halloween only to find the house empty. He had come to the conclusion that they were staying out of Forks for my benefit, and none of us had led him to believe otherwise.

I hadn't seen my family all together since that night, and I had not visited the Port Angeles house at all. Being in all of their presence might have reawakened memories that I was more than happy to allow to fade.

"No, I haven't." I shifted in my chair uncomfortably, and Charlie did the same.

"Uh huh." Charlie didn't push me for anything else, but I felt I needed to at least reassure him.

"Christmas will be fine. We'll all be together, and I have things a lot more under control now." Truth be told, I had mostly gained control over my instinctive fears these days, mainly because I was now more focused on the rational ones caused by Alice's visions.

"Sure." He paused long enough for the silence to start to feel awkward, before he spoke again. "Have you thought about going back to stay with them again?"

I blinked at him in horror. This was not how I had envisaged this conversation going at all.

"No... I mean... No. I haven't." I tried to keep my voice level, but even I could detect the slight tremor in my words

He nodded and took a sip from the beer he was still holding, and I suddenly wished that I had one too. I couldn't believe how nervous I was, and my voice shook again as I began with the opening words I had decided upon days ago.

"Actually Sir, I have something very important I need to ask you. I hope that you will hear me out." I noticed Charlie react slightly when I called him Sir, but I didn't give him the chance to say anything about it. I sat up straight, and looked him in the eye. I wasn't sure how this conversation went in the Twenty-first century, so I found myself reverting to exactly what I would have said if I had met Bella in 1918.

"Sir, firstly I need you to know that I love Bella with everything I am, and everything I have. She is the most important thing in the world to me, and I sincerely want nothing more than to take care of her. I am already financially independent, due to the inheritance left to me by my birth parents, and as such I will be able to provide for her to a high standard, for the rest of her life. She will have no reason to ever work if she chooses not to.

"I am certain that Bella feels the same way about me, and now I simply cannot imagine my life without her. She is my present and my future, and I want nothing more than to make that official.

"I would like to ask your permission, Sir, to ask Bella to marry me. I promise you that I will spend every day of the rest of my life doing everything I possibly can to make her happy."

Charlie had sat impassively watching me as I spoke, and when I finished he continued to watch me for several seconds.

"Um. I see," he said, and I felt the burn of disappointment when he didn't leap to his feet immediately and clap me on the back. "I don't know how Bella would feel about me 'giving you permission' as such..."

There was silence between us for a second, and I was trying to think of something to say, when Charlie spoke again, his eyes fixed firmly on his beer.

"But, y'know, though I believe you mean every word you say right now, I think maybe you shouldn't rush into anything."

I opened my mouth to protest, but Charlie held his hand up to stop me.

"Wait. Look son, I've been where you are right now. I married Renee straight out of High School, when neither of us really understood what forever really means, and look how that turned out.

"Now, I know you and Bella are both very different people, but I still think you should wait. You're only, what, seventeen? That's..." He blew out a deep breath, and turned away from me. He shook his head from side to side as he gazed out of the window into the night.

I was hardly listening to his words by now, as I felt so utterly crushed by his refusal, but he continued anyway.

"Give it a year, maybe even two. Once you're both in college you'll see more of what the world is like, and then you'll be doing this with your eyes a bit wider open."

"So..." I was trying to sort through the jumble of thoughts in my brain, but only one jumped out at me. "You're refusing to give your permission, because I'm too young?"

_Seriously?_

"Uh, uh, uh. I'm not refusing anything; this is advice, I don't want to get into another women's lib talk with Bella. I'm just saying that I think you ought to hang on a bit. I'd hate for you two to repeat the mistakes of me and Bella's Mom."

I nodded, a sudden sense of humiliation and dejection flooding over me. I didn't try and speak, and I started to feel overwhelmed by the urge to head off for bed.

"Son," Charlie said, his tone kind. "I'd hoped that this was the way your mind was going. I mean, I would never have... You staying here... I knew that you and Bella were serious. I can't miss it, looking at you both."

He shuffled uncomfortably in his seat, and took another long sip of his beer. He hadn't really taken his eyes off of it since he began talking.

"I think of you as family already, and I know Bella does too. What's the rush? You have all the time in the world."

I nodded slowly, hearing his words, but not really registering them. This was not how this should have gone at all. I had expected maybe a pat on the back and congratulations. Some words about how he hoped I'd take care of his daughter, and wishing me luck for the future.

Suddenly I really felt all of my one hundred and four years. I felt that I had adapted well to life as a child of the twenty-first century in many ways, but the changes in society's views on marriage were something I simply couldn't get my head around. Charlie had seemed surprised that I would even ask his permission, and then... and then...

_And then he asked me to continue living in sin with his only daughter._

I nodded at Charlie once, and after sitting quietly with the TV blaring between us for a few more minutes I headed to bed. Nothing made sense to me at that moment, and I just wanted to be on my own to think.

I stripped my clothes off quickly, and after a quick trip to the bathroom I climbed into our bed, cocooning myself in Bella's scent as I tried to get over my disappointment.

Charlie had refused my request, and I didn't quite see where I could go from here. I had planned Christmas Eve, down to the letter, and had planned on asking Bella to marry me in the evening, after spending the whole day showing her just how much I loved her. My plans had been driving me on for weeks, the little thrill of excitement I felt when I looked at my mother's ring, _Bella's ring_, making every day that little bit brighter.

The disappointment was a bitter pill to swallow.

It was only ten thirty, but I fell asleep before Bella made it back from Seattle. I felt her get into the bed a bit later on, and I squeezed her closer to me as she snuggled into my chest in the dark.

"Good day?" I mumbled, half asleep.

"Yeah. Ok." She sighed as she snuggled closer to me, almost climbing on top of me in her effort to get closer. "I missed you. I'd have rather been here."

"I'm sure Alice appreciated it."

"She better." Bella snorted softly in the semblance of a laugh, but I was too asleep to get into it now.

"I love you." I buried my face in her hair and inhaled, and couldn't help the fantasy that suddenly popped into my head, of me on one knee in front of her tomorrow night.

"Not as much as I love you, baby. Night."

"Night."

As I drifted off, I dreamed about Bella wearing my ring, and I couldn't help the little ache I felt when I remembered that tomorrow wasn't going to be the day after all.

~oOo~

**A/N – Never fear! There is still a lovely Christmas coming for E&B, don't panic! **

**Thank you for all of your reviews, I hope everyone is enjoying the teasers. There's another teaser this time, so if you want it, hit the green button!**

**The next chapter is already nearly done and dusted, as this one was originally a nearly 20k monster which I decided to split, so I will be posting Ch34 "Christmas Present" on Tuesday 10****th**** August, all being well. Do you prefer longer chapters, less regularly posted, or a little and often approach? I usually write til a chapter is done, but this one got out of hand. Tell me in a review!**

**Rec for this week:**

"**Set in Stone" by psyche001 is something quite different, and complete to boot (with a sequel planned)! I really enjoyed it, but don't want to spoiler you. It's not vamps, but not human either… in my favourites if you want to check it out.**

**Til next time,**

**Ria**


	34. Christmas Present

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight! I do own the story of Waking Up though, so whoever is posting it in Polish, _please_ at least credit me for it.

Thanks go to my beta venomaddict, plus a big hug as life's being crappy at the moment. Thank you also to my prereaders for your always useful input ;).

**A/N – Please check that you have read the previous chapter "Advent" before you read this, otherwise it won't make sense! I suspect a lot of people didn't get the alert (I didn't, for **_**my own story,**_** LOL) fanfail is being particularly arsey at the moment.**

This is an un-edited NC17/MA chapter. If you're not old enough to read it, _don't_.

~oOo~

**Edward**

Having slept poorly for several nights due to my excitement, I slept like a log that night, only waking on Christmas Eve when I heard the front door slam as Charlie left at around nine. He was going to be out of the house all day and into the evening, as he covered enough hours to allow him Christmas Day off, and I had made plans to fill every moment I got Bella to myself.

But now as I slipped out of bed and into the bathroom, leaving her sleeping soundly, I wasn't sure what to do today.

I had bought the supplies to allow me to spoil her to a ridiculous degree, and part of me wanted to do it anyway. But another admittedly very petulant part of me wanted to forget all of it. The disappointment of last night was still unbearable, and I wanted to stop thinking about it more than anything else.

I knew in my heart of hearts that Charlie was only saying what he thought was best for both of us; his thoughts last night had been kind, once he had gotten over his initial astonishment. But it didn't stop me feeling rejected and disappointed and _miserable_. All I really wanted to do was to curl up in a little ball and ignore today. To forget everything I had planned and to try not to think about what Bella might have said, if I had been able to propose to her today.

I fingered the ring in my jeans pocket after I got dressed, and wondered what to do with it. It was very valuable, both financially and sentimentally, and I worried that I would lose it if I continued to carry it around with me constantly. One day I still planned to give it to Bella, so I needed to take better care of it than I had been. I had been clinging to it almost like a talisman, and I knew that it was time to let it go, until the day came when I could make use of it.

I let go of it, leaving it in my jeans for now, but deciding to arrange for it to go into my safety deposit box in Seattle as soon as I could after Christmas.

Meanwhile, there was still the question of today.

I stood outside the bedroom door, wondering what to do. My heart ached, but that wasn't Bella's fault, far from it. She _was_ my happiness I reminded myself, and she didn't deserve to have her Christmas spoiled for something for which she was utterly blameless.

After a few minutes of contemplating, I decided that, more than anything, I wanted to spoil Bella a little bit today. After all, she was planning on spending most of tomorrow cooking, mostly to feed a party of people unable to eat any of the food admittedly, but it would still be a lot of work nonetheless. Maybe she deserved to spend Christmas Eve being looked after herself for a change?

With that rationalization I returned to the bathroom and started to run her a bubble bath. I went to the bags I had brought home from Port Angeles the day before, and found the scented candles and lit them, positioning them around the dingy bathroom as I did my best to create a sanctuary in the usually somewhat dismal room.

Before I had a chance to finish what I was doing, I felt someone warm and soft lean up against my back, as I bent over the bath, checking the water's temperature.

"What ya doin?" she mumbled sleepily, and I smiled as I turned to face her.

"Bella's Christmas treat. You're going to be so busy tomorrow, I thought I'd try and give you a little time off today."

"Hmmm, sounds good." She slid her arms, which were already around my waist, downwards a little more until they reached my butt. "You getting in too?"

"No." I smirked at her disappointed expression. "I have things to do. Get in and enjoy. I'll be back."

She pouted at me as I left the room, but from the kitchen I heard her climbing into the bath above me, as I busied myself with breakfast.

A little later I heard the bath start to drain away, and I hurried upstairs with a tray in my hands. Breakfast this morning was warm brioche with fresh fruit, and the black freshly ground coffee that I had only recently discovered. I wanted to get upstairs to her before she had time to start to get dressed; today was all about being relaxed, and I didn't want her feeling like she had to rush downstairs to me.

I had time to put the tray down on the desk, after clearing an extraordinarily large pile of my belongings off of it, before Bella appeared in the bedroom doorway clad only in a towel.

"Breakfast?" she asked, and I smiled at the surprise in her expression.

"Of course. Considering the fact that you seem to be planning to feed the five thousand tomorrow, I think I can at least be in charge of feeding you for today."

"I just need to get dressed." She gestured at the towel as she turned towards her dresser, but I walked towards her and stopped her.

"Hang on, I bought you something." I went to the back of the door, and lifted off the soft, cream silk robe I had bought for her the week before in Seattle. "Here, eat first, get dressed after." She smiled and reached her hand out to stroke the silk.

"Oh… that's lovely... Thank you." Without another word she dropped the towel, and went to put on the robe, but in a split second I went from cool, calm and collected, to a blathering fool.

"What... what have you... why..?" I snatched the robe away from Bella as she reached for it, and my eyes focused downwards. _Something_ was different_. _"_Pink_..."

Bella flushed at my words and tried to reach out for the robe again, but like an ass I held it out of her reach, before I dropped it to the floor behind me. I could see that Bella's blush had spread across her chest, as I fell to my knees in front of her. She shifted uncomfortably before me for a moment, but my eyes were locked on the smooth, bare skin in front of me, unable to look away.

"Alice made me..." she mumbled, but I still couldn't look away from the bare perfection directly before my eyes.

"Good God, woman. What have you done?" I breathed, as every drop of blood I had left the vicinity of my brain.

_Thank you, Alice. I might buy you a Porsche for Christmas._

I wouldn't have been in the least surprised if my sister had suddenly started squealing right then somewhere in Port Angeles, as at that moment the price of a Porsche seemed perfectly reasonable in comparison to the utter naked beauty before me.

Bella was and always had been beautiful, but there was simply something else about this. Where once there had been a mass of soft dark curls, there was now only bare delectable skin.

"She said..." I knew I was making her uncomfortable staring at her so unabashedly, but I couldn't help it. I was hard as a rock in my pants, and all I wanted to do was touch her, _taste _her. "Um... don't you like it?" I could hear her nerves in her voice, and I cursed myself for making her feel unsure of herself.

I looked up at her, and raised my eyebrows as if to say 'what do you think?', still not certain that I was capable of forming a coherent sentence. She smiled, looking relieved and a little flushed, and I returned it before I went back to my investigations.

I shuffled forward on my knees, until my face was only a couple of inches from the skin of her stomach, but as I leant forward even closer I could see that the newly naked skin looked a little _too_ pink.

"Did it hurt, love?" I leaned in those last few inches and brushed my lips gently across the rose colored skin, and I felt her wince slightly.

"Well," she laughed for a second, and I finally tore my eyes away from her to look up at face again. "Let's just say that it makes a really good argument for becoming a vampire, only having to do that once... But then I think by the looks of it, it was worth it."

"So totally worth it," I breathed, as I leant in and kissed her skin again, as gently as I could. She was so soft and smooth I couldn't make myself pull away; I flicked my tongue across her for just a second, unable to resist taking a taste. I could see she was a little uncomfortable, so after a few moments of silently admiring her beauty I reluctantly stood up, and helped her into her new robe.

I settled Bella down on the bed, and we shared our breakfast wrapped around each other. I was as good as my word, and I fed her tiny pieces of brioche, followed by slices of peaches and strawberries, making her giggle. Feeding her felt nice though, and even after I dropped a strawberry down inside her robe, I refused to allow her to feed herself.

_I did rather enjoy finding the strawberry as well._

It took all of the willpower I had not to run my hands down and stroke the newly bare skin that I knew was so close to me, but the last thing I wanted to do was hurt her. So I didn't.

_But I may have caught myself licking a slice of peach while daydreaming that it was Bella. _

_So, yeah, I thought about it. A lot._

But even as I thought about the first time I would get to really _feel_ Bella's newly revealed skin, I was also thinking about something else, too. Something that wormed into my mind, quickly distracting me from my lustful thoughts, into something far more complicated: The casual words from her that could have so easily been taken as a joke or a flippant remark, but also could hold so much truth in them.

_A really good argument for becoming a vampire... _

In my utter joy in my new life, somewhere along the way I had forgotten the hours of arguments and discussions that Bella and I had had before, while we had still been so different.

She had used everything she could to convince me to change her; for the entire summer she had brought it up constantly, driving me almost to distraction with the incessant demands for me to make her a monster.

I had closed down her arguments as much as possible. Unwilling to entertain such a ridiculous idea as to rob her of her life and her soul voluntarily, but it suddenly occurred to me that this was a conversation that was never truly concluded. In one night, the very possibility seemed to have been taken away from us, and so the discussion seemed to have vanished as quickly as the possibility had.

Well, it had from my point of view anyway.

It had never even really occurred to me to ask though; did Bella see it in the same way? The flippant way that she had just referred to becoming a vampire, made me wonder. Was it something she still dreamed about, even now? Did she regret my good fortune; did she even consider what happened to me to _be _good fortune?

As we finished breakfast I tidied up quietly, allowing Bella to dress and trying to keep the smile on my face as I wondered about something that had troubled me long before now. Something that had gnawed at me in my old life, at a time when I had never even allowed myself to dream about forever with Bella.

What was it that she really wanted from me?

**Bella**

I wasn't quite sure what I had expected of Christmas Eve, but of course, Edward delivered in spades. From the moment I woke up that morning I was pampered, everything from herbal baths to breakfast in bed, and it didn't stop there.

He had decorated the house while I had been out yesterday, and everything suddenly felt very warm and festive. It was only Christmas Eve, yet the presents had already started. As well as the new robe he had bought me, and proceeded to spill my breakfast down earlier, he had bought a pile of new books and DVDs for me to choose from for today, everything from classics to modern comedies, all of them Christmas themed.

I felt terribly lazy as we spent the entire day lounging about, or relaxing as Edward put it. There was still an enormous amount of preparation to do for Christmas dinner tomorrow, but Edward insisted that Esme and Alice had all of that under control, and that Christmas Eve was ours and ours alone.

I had felt pretty nervous about showing him my newly waxed body. It was amazing how exposed I felt just for the loss of a little bit of hair, and at first I'd been afraid that he didn't like it. I'd soon realized how wrong I was though, and inside I was jubilant that I'd done something quite so... exotic, and that Edward had liked it.

We spent Christmas Eve at home. Edward had at some point opened up the fireplace in the small living room, and we spent the day curled up beside a roaring open fire, something that hadn't happened in my house during my lifetime I was sure. I had never seen a real fire in a house before, and I found the crackle of the open flame endlessly fascinating. The slight smoky smell of the fire, mixed with the piney Christmas tree fragrance from the ridiculously large tree that I had found when I got home late last night, made me feel as if I was living in a Christmas from days gone by.

Memories of watching A Christmas Carol in the warmth of Phoenix flooded through me, as Edward read the story aloud, while I sat curled up in his lap. As a child I had never even seen snow, my very first snowfall having been here, during my first week or two after I moved to Forks. The nostalgic pictures of white Christmases had meant little to me then, but snuggled here by the fire, hearing Edward's velvet voice reading me the words of Dickens, the romance of such pictures was suddenly very clear to me.

As he read the story to me I was lost in his voice, the tale of Scrooge and his four ghosts never more beautiful than today, read in his subtle tones. But as he read about that Victorian Christmas in England, I wondered about Edward's other Christmases. He had so many memories, and I sometimes felt like I knew so few of them.

He read to me for hours, only stopping long enough for us to have lunch, before continuing until the story was done. By the time he finished reading night had fallen, and the room was almost dark, the only light from the flickering fire beside us. I had considered getting up and turning the lights on several times as he finished the final chapter, not wanting him to strain his eyes, but I never did, instead sitting almost hypnotized by the melodic sound of his voice in the flickering firelight.

Finally he finished, closing the book softly in his hand before lowering it to my lap, as I sat in his.

"That was wonderful, thank you." I leant in and kissed him softly. The only sounds for a few moments were the crackle of the flames, and our lips moving together, soft, yet demanding.

After a moment he pulled away, and I couldn't read his expression as he looked at me.

"I've always loved A Christmas Carol," he said softly. "My mother used to read it to me at Christmas when I was a child."

I was surprised for a moment; he so rarely spoke of his first human life that I hardly thought of it. When he had spoken of then, it had always been of his final days, filled with the sadness of the loss of his parents and of his own humanity. I sometimes forgot that he must have at least some memories of the seventeen years that preceded those events.

"What else do you remember about Christmas as a child, Edward?" As spoke I saw his eyes take on a faraway look, and I wondered what he was seeing. "As I was listening to you read, I realized that your first Christmases must have been more like those in the book, than the Christmas we will have tomorrow."

"I still don't remember very much from then..." He paused, and I watched a small smile spread across his face in the firelight. "But I remember snow. In my memories of Christmas as a child, there was always snow; Chicago is cold in the winter... and church. I remember throwing a snowball on the way home from church on Christmas morning once, I could only have been eight or nine. My mother laughed."

I watched as Edward vanished into memories of his past, and I couldn't help but wonder what the world must look like to somebody who grew up when he did. Were there even cars then? I thought there were by 1918, but I wasn't sure. The world had changed so much in the last century; and for me, trying to think of Edward existing in such a time was almost impossible. I couldn't imagine him belonging anywhere other than here, with me.

Suddenly he laughed, surprising me out of my thoughts.

"You know, the more I think about then, the more memories come. I can remember opening my stocking on Christmas morning. It was still dark outside, but I was so excited."

"Do you remember what you got?"

He paused, seeming to concentrate for a moment. "No. But I remember opening a present from my parents under a tree one time. It was a wooden train, painted red and green and blue. Oh, and I remember Christmas dinner. There were so many people there, and I was very young and felt shy because I didn't really know them very well, although I knew they were my family."

"I remember dinners like that. Renee always seemed to have someone to go and see for Christmas, and I always felt shy, being with strangers." It would be strange not seeing my mother for Christmas this year, but after our visit to Florida in the summer, I had no great urge to return just yet.

"Did you ever come to Forks for Christmas?"

"No... not that I remember. But Charlie would usually come to us for a few days, most years. When I was very small I think he must have stayed in motels, because I remember him coming and going a lot, but by the last couple of years he was staying in the spare room."

He nodded, but I could tell that he was still thinking about his early human memories, his eyes still seemed far away, but I didn't want him to start to linger on sad memories tonight.

"What about Christmases with Carlisle? With the others? What have you done for Christmas since?" I asked him, and as I did our eyes met, and he was back with me again.

"Well, Turkey has never been a big part of Christmas for us, obviously." He laughed and rolled his eyes. "Apart from one year, when Emmett bought a load of live ones and brought them home. He said that we could have our own vampire version of Christmas dinner. He even made us sit around the dining table, each holding down our extremely agitated Turkey as we said grace and pulled crackers before we drained them." He poked his tongue out and wrinkled his nose, making me giggle.

"Weren't they good?"

"No, they were disgusting. They smelled awful, and didn't taste much better. I must confess, I'm not entirely convinced about eating one for dinner tomorrow. They were dirty, horrible birds as I recall."

"Once I've finished with it, it'll be great. Don't worry." I winked at him and he grinned.

"You haven't let me down yet, love." He paused, lost in his thoughts once again. He had been quiet and contemplative today. I knew that sometimes Christmas had that effect on people, but I really wished that I knew how to make him forget it all and just enjoy the holiday. He suddenly started speaking again, surprising me.

"To be honest, I don't think I have really marked Christmas in many years. Decades really. I decided that if I was damned anyway, there was something rather perverse in marking the birth of our Lord and Savior, since he was no longer mine. When I was a child, Christmas had always been about church; not being able to go made the whole event seem somewhat moot."

"Oh." I suddenly got a clear image in my mind of Edward sitting alone on Christmas day, unwilling to celebrate a day he no longer felt a part of.

"Of course, Alice always went to town. The house was always decorated to the hilt, and far more stylishly than my efforts over there." He pointed to the enormous tree, taking up half of the living room, making it feel even smaller than usual, covered in what looked like a ton of tinsel. "Why do these things always look so much smaller outside than when you get them home?"

"I love it, Edward. I don't think Charlie usually has a tree, and it didn't really occur to me to do it myself."

"I guessed as much. It was my first job after you left the house yesterday."

"Do you... would you like to go to church tomorrow? I don't usually, but, it is Christmas..." The question hung in the air for a moment, and I could almost hear Edward debating the idea in his mind. I wasn't even quite sure what church we could go to in the morning, or what time we'd need to go. I had time to vaguely consider phoning Angela to ask her about where her father would be preaching in the morning before he replied.

"I... Would you mind?"

"No, of course not."

He nodded and was quiet again for a little while. I still sat in his lap, with my head resting on his shoulder, watching the fire burn down, and I could feel him working out how to say something. He kept taking deep breaths, and holding them for a beat too long, before blowing them out again. I was about to ask him what he wanted to say, when he finally spoke.

"You know, I never asked, but... do you see other advantages to being a vampire?"

I turned to look him fully in the face, and frowned at him in confusion.

_Where is this coming from?_

"I mean, at one point, it was what you wanted. We fought about it so much. And now it's not an option anymore. But if it could be, would you still want it to be? It's not really, but with everything, I suddenly wondered if you were sorry." His words came out in a rush, tumbling over each other to the point where I wasn't entirely sure what he was saying.

"You want to know... if I still want to be a vampire?" The words sounded strange in my mouth, and I was sure I must be misunderstanding him. He had been so against the idea of changing me when he had still been a vampire himself, why would he suddenly be talking about it now, of all things?

"I wondered if, given the choice now, what you would choose." He had deliberately slowed his words down, speaking more purposefully than he had done before.

"What I would _choose_? Are you crazy, Edward?" I took his face in my hands and pressed mine against it, leaning our foreheads together as we both closed our eyes. "I want this so much it hurts, baby. What on earth are you _thinking_?"

"I..." He swallowed, and looked away from me, his eyes avoiding mine, even though I was so close to him I could feel his eye lashes against mine. "Sometimes... Sometimes I wondered if it was immortality you craved, more than me. And now... You wanted it so much before, Bella. You begged me to change you..." He finally looked me in the eye again, and I could see his uncertainty, as unfounded as it was.

I could feel a little knot forming in my stomach that I couldn't even quite explain. How could he still even _ask _me this? The fact that he was still this insecure made no sense to me at all. He was _everything_. Had I really not shown him that yet? Some nights I was afraid to go to sleep in case I woke up and found out that my life was just a dream.

The urge to just wrap my arms around him and hold him to me was overwhelming, but I made myself try and explain how I felt. I had to make him see, this was all I wanted. _He_ was all I wanted. He was all I'd _ever_ wanted.

"I did, but baby, all I ever wanted was you... I wanted to be able to do this." I pressed my body closer to his and kissed him firmly. I slipped my tongue into his mouth immediately, and I ran it over his teeth deliberately before pulling away. "I wanted you to be able to touch me without being afraid of hurting me; I wanted you to be able to be near me without being in _pain_.

"But more than anything, I was afraid of leaving you behind. How would you have felt about me when I looked like your mother? Or your grandmother? I couldn't bear to live like that, waiting for the day that my age meant we couldn't be together anymore." I could hear my words getting faster as I tried to convey how much things had changed, but he interrupted me, stopping me from babbling.

"But, love, I _told_ you. That never mattered to me. I swear to you, I would have loved you every day for the rest of your life. You would have only looked the way I felt inside."

"But, we couldn't have lived properly like that, Edward. We would have attracted attention to your family, and whatever you say, _I _wouldn't have felt comfortable being with someone who still looked like a seventeen year old boy, when I was forty, or fifty, or..." I shuddered at the thought of it. I had suffered nightmares of growing old as Edward remained unchangingly beautiful by my side; before his second change I had been dreading my birthday, counting down the days until I was officially older than him.

"And one day, Edward, you would have had to watch me die, and I would have had to leave you behind." That thought had scared me more than any other; the possibility of there being an eternity after this life, without Edward in it.

He didn't answer me, but he slowly sank his face down into my shoulder, squeezing me tightly. Neither of us said it, but I knew that now, whatever happened, one of us would one day face losing the other. I only hoped that it would be a day many decades from today.

"Edward," I whispered, running my fingers through his thick bronze hair as I waited for him to lift his beautiful green eyes back to mine. "It was only ever about you, I would have done anything, given up anything, if it meant I got to stay with you forever. And though forever might mean something different to us now, I wouldn't change it for the world."

I smiled, and at the same time a tear slipped down my cheek, releasing a little of the emotion that I just felt too full of right then. "I get to be everything you ever wanted."

Edward's eyes glistened in the red light of the dying fire, and I couldn't have looked away from him if I'd tried. He stared at me with a piercing gaze, his expression so full of emotion and tenderness I felt my heart skip a beat with the sheer intensity of the moment.

"Marry me," he said suddenly, a look of almost surprise crossing his features as he did.

I didn't reply; my hand flew to my mouth as my breath hitched; my lips unable to form any words for just a second. Edward gazed at me for just a moment, before he eased me off of his lap onto the couch, then got down on his knees on the floor in front of me. He scrambled around in the pocket of his jeans, before he pulled out something, and held it out to me. I gasped when I saw the diamonds set in gold, sparkling brilliantly in his hand

"Isabella Swan, I promise to love you every day for the rest of my life. I want to live and change with you by my side. I want us to have children and watch them grow. I want to _grow old _with you. Will you marry me?" He held the ring out towards me, between his thumb and his forefinger, and I could see that his hand was shaking slightly. I swallowed the lump in my throat, nodding already before I could make myself say the words.

"Yes." I breathed quietly, before I managed to find my voice again "Of course I will. Yes. _Of course_." I threw myself into his arms, and before I even registered what he was doing the ring was on my finger, and we were kissing, over and over again.

He pulled away from my lips and began to kiss every bit of bare skin, whispering over and over as I closed my eyes and concentrated on the feeling of him held tightly in my arms.

"My fiancée... my wife... my Bella," he whispered again and again as he drove me wild with tiny kisses all over my skin. I wrapped my legs around him and held him as closely to me as possible as he did it, feeling like whatever I did, I wouldn't be able to get close enough to him.

"Edward. Say it again..." I mumbled, as I nuzzled into his neck. I still couldn't quite believe this was really real, and I didn't want the moment to be over just yet. I wanted to be able to catch it and put it in my pocket, to take out and look at whenever I wanted.

He looked at me questioningly for a second, before he smiled his most dazzling smile, and it was almost as if his entire being radiated happiness.

"Marry me, Bella."

"Yes... yes... yes..." I peppered his face with kisses, feeling his smile under my mouth as I edged closer still, pressing myself so tightly against him that it was almost uncomfortable.

"Marry me."

"Yes."

"I'm never going to get sick of hearing that." He laughed and pulled away slightly to look at me. I could see his eyes flashing in excitement, and suddenly I just wanted him. Right here, right now. I was pretty sure that wasn't how a girl would have accepted someone's proposal in 1918, but then, Edward did seem to have come around to the 21st century way of doing things these days.

"I'm never going to stop saying it." I said, as I pulled him in to kiss me again, but this time as our bodies pressed together, I could feel him hard against my inner thigh.

I ran my hand down his body slowly, and I could feel his muscles tensing under his clothes as I did. I was suddenly very aware of how fast his heart was racing against mine, and his hands moving down my back, finally stopping to cup my butt.

He started to rub his hands across the material of my dress slowly, but that wasn't what I wanted. I felt as if my skin was itching with the need to be close to him, I wanted all of him, and I wanted it right now. I slipped my hand downwards, and within a few seconds I'd managed to undo his jeans button and fly, and slipped my hand easily into his boxers. I clasped his hot length in my hand, and stroked him once, making him jerk in surprise.

"_Oh._.. Bella, shit..." He ground out, and as my hand reached his tip it was suddenly very wet. "I'm gonna come if you do that, love."

He rested his head on my shoulder, panting hard, and I realized that he felt exactly the same way as I did. My hands moved like lightning as I undid the buttons of his shirt, taking only seconds to reveal his bare chest to me, which I dived on, rubbing my face against him and inhaling his smell as my hands moved greedily across his skin. He had dropped his hands from my body, so they were hanging limply by his side as he breathed hard against my shoulder, I slipped his shirt down his arms while I could, leaving him almost naked, kneeling between my legs.

I had put on a dress for today, something that Alice had seen a couple of weeks ago and "just had to buy for me", but now I slipped it over my head quickly, not wanting to wait another second before I felt all of him on all of me. I took hold of Edward's hands, which he was curling and uncurling into fists by his side, and tugged them up my thighs, guiding him, until he took the hint.

Without warning he suddenly looked up at me, meeting my eyes before he grabbed hold of my ass and dragged me forwards on the couch until I was almost hanging off the edge. His lips sought mine, and when he kissed me it was passionate and needy, lips and teeth and tongues moving together in a frenzy.

His hands skimmed quickly up my inner thighs, and I could sense his urgency as he hooked one finger into my underwear and yanked it to one side. His other finger stroked me softly, pressing into me slightly to check I was ready before pulling away; seconds later his hips settled against mine, and I could feel him hard and insistent against my entrance.

"This isn't going to last long..." he warned as I felt him slide deep inside me in one long thrust, and all I could do was groan in reply.

He stayed like that, still and joined with me as we breathed hard into each other, never tearing our eyes away from the other. Nothing had changed, but at the same time everything was different, everything was new as I clung to my fiancée inside and out.

"Edward..." I urged after a few moments, needing to feel him move inside me, and he moaned as he began to move in slow, measured thrusts.

I wrapped my legs around him and held him as tightly to me as I could. But whatever I did I still needed to get closer. I dragged him down on top of me on the couch until his entire weight was pressing down on me, and he kissed me again, our lips moving together as his hips began to buck faster against mine, and I could feel him losing control as he panted and moaned into my mouth.

I breathed his name as his hands shifted to around my hips, and he began to pull me against him as he thrust into me, all the time pulling me closer and closer against him. I moaned in satisfaction as I finally felt close enough, almost as if we were seeping into each other's pores.

I clung to him as he moved above me; I watched his lips forming soft 'o' shapes as he made soft needy noises. I saw his eyes open and flicker closed as he took deep gasping breaths, and I recognized his frown as he built towards his climax. The most beautiful thing I had ever seen was Edward's face as he experienced the ecstasy of orgasm. Even now, being able to watch as he just _let go _inside me felt like a privilege every time; to feel his control slip so completely because of me made me feel powerful, and so full of love that I could just burst.

But this time was more; it was something primal driving us both on, the need to mark and possess the other was all consuming. I knew that he felt as strongly as I did the need to stake his claim just then.

_Mine._

"Sorry... I can't hold on..." he said roughly as he began to buck against me faster, and I delighted in the sheer bliss in his expression as our eyes locked on each other.

The look on his face was enough to push me over the edge, and I screamed his name as the waves of pleasure crashed over me suddenly. Seconds later he stilled and I felt him pulse inside me as he cried out, his eyes finally falling closed as his face relaxed in satisfaction, utterly beautiful, and only for me.

_Only _ever_ for me._

We slumped back onto the couch, breathing hard. I closed my eyes and basked in the heaven that was watching him fall apart in my arms for a few moments, and when I opened them again he was looking at me, biting his top lip slightly.

We stared at each other for a second, before we both began to giggle.

"Sorry," he started. "I… um-"

"Shh." I stopped him by kissing him hard on the lips around our chuckles. His softening length was still inside me, and I felt him twitch as I did. "I love you, Edward."

"I love you, my Bella." He kissed me again, and I felt his smile against my lips. "Would it be insane if I wondered aloud whether we could have a Christmas wedding?"

"Completely and utterly," I retorted as he pulled out of me and then helped me back into my dress, and then rearranged his own clothes. But I understood the thought.

"I just feel so impatient." He did up the button at the top of his jeans before he looked up at me again. "It's crazy, but I feel like I've waited so long for you. I don't want to wait anymore. I know the world thinks I'm only seventeen… but I'm not."

I paused and looked at him for a moment. Even through the joy in his eyes I could see the memory of eighty-seven years of loneliness, and I hated that I wasn't completely sure if it would ever go away.

"I'm sorry, baby." I cupped his face in my hands and stroked his skin with my thumbs. Whenever he reminded me of how long he had spent alone before he met me, it always made me feel sad. I wished more than anything that I could have been born earlier so he wouldn't have had to wait so long.

"No, don't be," he replied, and he smiled again. "I believe that this had always been my destiny. All of those years alone, struggling with who I was, and what I was, were all leading me to you, to now. If Carlisle hadn't changed me, I would have died in 1918. I'd have never known you, and knowing what I know now... I would wait a thousand years for you, Bella.

"Whether it was fate, or God, or by some other guiding force, I believe my entire existence was designed to meet you. I don't regret a second of it."

I could feel the tears filling my eyes at his words, but I tried to hold them back. I didn't want him to think that he had upset me. My heart just felt too full to hold everything in right then.

"I will do everything I can, to make sure I was worth the wait."

"You already are." He kissed me again, and once again we both started giggling against each other, both of us almost giddy with excitement.

"Anyway," I said as he finally pulled away from me again. "We have to tell Charlie first, and we're not likely to see him again before tomorrow."

"Ah." Edward's face suddenly fell at the mention of Charlie's name, and I wanted to laugh again.

"Don't look like that. He'll be fine. I keep telling you, he likes you better than me these days." It was a rather bizarre feeling, having to tell my father I was _engaged _of all things, but I was certain he wouldn't disapprove. After all, he allowed Edward to sleep in my room with me; he had to know we weren't just playing around.

"Well... he might be a bit mad. At me..." Edward reached up and pinched his nose between his thumb and his forefinger, before sighing heavily. "He sort of refused to grant me his permission yesterday, when I asked."

"_What?"_

"He said we were too young, well, mainly I was too young."

"So..." I couldn't quite work out what Edward was saying. What had made Charlie say no? What even made him think that he _could _say no? This wasn't 1918 for crying out loud!

A thought crossed my mind that made my stomach drop for a second. Were we not engaged after all? Didn't he mean it? Was it a mistake? I looked down at the ring, sitting on my left hand.

_That seems fairly conclusive._

"... did you forget that he refused?" It was just so Edward to ask Charlie's permission first, but much less so to ignore his reply.

"No..."

"No?"

"I just couldn't help myself." He gave me a sheepish smile, as he reached out and took my left hand, running his thumb over the ring. "Walking around with this thing in my pocket was rather like carrying a loaded gun."

"Oh. Well... if it helps, I'm glad."

"Ok, well, maybe we'll open with that fact tomorrow when we tell Charlie." He wrapped his arms around me again and kissed me firmly. "So, _fiancée_, are you going to let me feed you again?"

"Oh... if you must," I sighed, smiling at his enthusiasm. I hadn't eaten so well before in my life, and tomorrow was going to be Christmas dinner. I was going to have to watch my figure if he carried this on too long.

"Good." He pulled away and stood up, reaching his hand out to me. "Well, come on then, come and watch me slave away in the kitchen for you, woman. I bought an apron…"

"Well, if you bought an apron..." I stood up, and followed him into the kitchen. I was feeling light headed and giggly, and Edward seemed to be the same, as he caught me in his arms and swung me around the room before bringing me to a halt by my chair.

In my mind's eye, whenever I had thought about marrying Edward one day, and make no mistake, I had thought about it, we had both been older. Maybe after college, when we'd both had time to do the things you were supposed to do before you got married. But now I wasn't so sure.

What was there to do before we got married, that we couldn't do _married_?

I couldn't help but think about Alice's visions, and the things she saw coming towards us, not so far into the future. We were both human now, and life is short; too short sometimes, and even with Alice looking out for us, it was unpredictable.

As I watched him cook that night, between staring at my ring and wondering what on earth we were going to say to Charlie and Renee in the morning, I considered actually getting married.

And I was surprised to find that I was pretty impatient, too.

~oOo~

**A/N – See. Never bet against Alice. Would she have put Bella through all of that with no ring at the end of the day? Nah.**

**OUTTAKE ALERT! There is an outtake of EPOV of the proposal winging its way towards the outtakes thread later today, if you're interested to see it. I'd urge you to go and read it, but I warn you, his state of mind was not as light and fluffy as Bella's.**

**Thank you, as ever, to everyone who is reading and reviewing. There's another little teaser for everyone who reviews this time (as long as fanfail lets me send it). The next chapter is Christmas with the Cullens (in August… yeah, I know).**

**I have 2 recs for you this week.**

"**Our lives unbound" by theladyingrey42 contains a submissive (human) Edward and dominant Bella. If you're in the mood for some good hot smut, here's your fic!**

"**Ticket to Love" by IPaintEdward is a fic by a new author (who also happens to be a good chum of mine) and includes a Police Officer Swan, which I don't remember seeing before.**

**Til next time,**

**Ria**


	35. Christmas Day

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. It's fanfic, them are the rules.

So... Surprise? I know, it's been forever. Short story is, sometimes real life is rubbish. The long version is below, but if you don't care, that's ok too.

Thanks to Mambomama for checking this over for me this time.

~oOo~

**Bella**

It felt wrong that the reason we were late to church that Christmas morning was that Edward had spent so long investigating my now recovered, but still perfectly freshly waxed body. We had left the house at the very last minute, and now as we stood outside the church, we could hear the rest of the congregation singing what I could only hope was the first hymn.

I had phoned Angela the night before, and I had discovered that her father was performing two Christmas Day services today, one at ten in the morning, and one at eight. Unfortunately, we would never have made it to Port Angeles in time for me to help Esme cook Christmas dinner if we went at ten, which meant that we had had to get up and ready in time for the early service.

I hurried towards the door to the church, hoping that we could creep inside during the hymn so that no one would notice that we were late, but just as I made to go in, I realized that Edward wasn't by my side. I turned, only to see him standing at least twenty feet away from me, looking upwards warily.

"Edward?" After a moment he looked down at me, but his expression was worried.

"Uh huh."

"Are you coming?" I was almost at the door to the church, but he didn't make any move to join me.

"Um…." He didn't say anything else for a moment, and I walked back to where he stood, in the middle of the parking lot. The hymn was drawing to a close, and I silently cursed our lost window of opportunity.

"Do you still want to go in?" He was looking at the church still, his expression slightly apprehensive.

"Yes..."

"But…"

"But… I am currently having visions of an enormous lightning bolt flashing down and frying me to a crisp if I go in." He raised an eyebrow at me as he spoke, and though there was a ghost of a smirk on his face, I could see that he wasn't entirely kidding.

"Oh." Unfortunately, I was pretty much the last person in the world he ought to be having this conversation with. My exposure to religion was limited to three visits to church when I was about twelve, when Renee 'found Jesus'. For a fortnight.

We stood in silence for a while as I watched Edward debate with himself internally. There was no snow on the ground, but the frost made little crunching sounds as we shuffled our feet trying to keep warm, and the ice was slippery under my shoes. It was freezing cold, and even bundled up in hats and coats and gloves I was shivering standing around outside. Edward had taken off the beanie he was wearing when we had approached the church, and I couldn't help but notice the way his hair stood up at every angle now. He hadn't cut it since my birthday, and it was now getting long enough that even with the hat on, it poked out from underneath, irritating him and getting in his eyes as he drove.

Edward was still looking at the church cautiously, and after a few minutes another hymn started up, and I decided that I wasn't going to miss it this time.

"Come on." I took his hand and started pulling him towards the door. "I didn't get up this early to stand in the parking lot freezing my butt off. Let's go in. It's Christmas, I'm sure God has better things to do than sit poised, waiting to zap you today."

At that he burst out laughing and relaxed, allowing me to pull him towards the church entrance.

The service was pleasant, the carols were all ones that even I knew, and by the end of it I felt very festive indeed. I had never been to church at Christmas before, and I enjoyed it as experiences went. But I wasn't convinced that it was going to be a regular occurrence for me. I just didn't… _get_ it.

I watched Edward throughout the service though, and after he got over his initial trepidation, he seemed to enjoy it very much.

At first he did almost seem to be waiting for someone or something to evict him from the church, he kept looking around nervously, almost like he was somewhere that he didn't belong. But after a few minutes he relaxed and threw himself into the service. He sang along to the hymns with gusto, and when we were all asked to pray he was one of the few who actually knelt on the pillow provided, rather than simply sitting.

After the service we stayed and said merry Christmas to Angela and Ben, as well as speaking to Angela's father for a few minutes. I still couldn't quite manage to get over my slight disinterest as we spoke to Reverend Weber, especially when he mentioned the regular Sunday services. I was glad that Edward seemed to have found something he was missing this morning, but I wasn't convinced that I would ever make a good churchgoer.

After we had spoken to a few other people we recognized in the church that morning, I reminded Edward that I needed to get to Port Angeles in time to help with dinner, and in the end we left a little after nine. He was remarkably cheerful as we left, and I couldn't help but wonder how serious he had been about being hit by lightning earlier.

The drive to Port Angeles took nearly an hour these days. Sometimes when we were in a hurry I missed Edward's former lunatic paced driving, but now he was the model driver, cruising at precisely the speed limit for the entire journey.

As he drove he grew quiet, and he didn't seem to notice that I watched him as he vanished into his own thoughts. I wondered to myself about his reaction to entering the church this morning, as although he had made light of his concerns, he had only been joking to a point. Did he really think he had been damned? Did he still?

I had not been to the house where the Cullens were living in Port Angeles yet, and as we pulled up into the driveway I was surprised by how normal it was. Yes, it was big, and undoubtedly worth a large amount of money, but compared to the mansion in Forks it was quite unremarkable.

_No wonder Rosalie hates it._

The house was old, and hadn't had anything like the work done to it the other one had. It was freshly painted a bright white, and clean and tidy of course, but for the most part it looked as if it had been untouched for many years. The front garden was dead but clear in the December chill, not even having Esme's flowers to brighten it up.

"We bought this place the last time we were in the area," Edward said, speaking for the first time for what felt like a long time. "When the wolves first started phasing, before we had a chance to agree the treaty, Carlisle bought this place and moved us out of Hoquaim very quickly. He was terrified of anything happening to Esme."

"Why didn't you just stay here? Why go to the trouble of moving back when you could have just commuted like they are now?"

Edward looked at me for a second, frowning very slightly, before he smirked. "That was in nineteen-thirty-six Bella, even with us driving, the cars then were hard pushed to make the journey in under an hour or so. Plus, Rosalie hated it."

"Oh." I was slightly blindsided for a second by the reminder that he had actually been around that long ago, although I knew he had been as a fact, the reality of it still threw me sometimes. Edward stopped me thinking about it by taking my hand and squeezing it.

"The house is nice enough, but as you can see, there's really not the privacy here my family prefers." From where we were sitting, I could see one of the neighboring houses, and we had just driven past two others as we turned into the long driveway. I could imagine that living here was not nearly as relaxing for them as the house in Forks.

Suddenly my door was opened, and Emmett's head appeared directly in my line of sight, making me jump.

"Are you two going to sit around out here all day? Come on dudes, present time!" Emmett was grinning so widely that all of his teeth were showing, and though I could tell that he was just a bit overexcited, seeing all of his teeth quite so close to my face, even on Emmett, was a bit intimidating.

"Merry Christmas to you too, Emmett," Edward replied dryly as Emmett vanished from my side, and a moment later Edward's door was open too.

"Yeah, yeah, come on, come on, Alice has been teasing me about my present for weeks!" Emmett grabbed the bags we had brought with us from the backseat, and vanished into the house before I had even undone my seatbelt.

_So much for staying surreptitious in front of the neighbors._

Edward had let me in on the secrets of the Cullen family Christmas a couple of weeks earlier, when I had been trying to choose presents for each of them in vain, to the point I had been ready to bash my head against a wall. I had struggled and fretted about what to buy them for days, well aware that whatever I bought them they could well afford to buy for themselves a dozen times over, but I still wanted to buy each of them something nice.

When Edward had realized how much it was worrying me, he had sat down and explained how it worked.

Due to the fact that they had so much money, none of Edward's family ever wanted for anything, and buying more and more expensive presents every year for years had gotten ridiculous. As time had gone on, gradually the way they had exchanged gifts had evolved.

As I had discovered on my birthday, Alice took great pleasure in giving everybody something obscure that they would have need of one day. The more obscure the item the better, and she never, ever revealed what the item was for.

Obviously, Emmett made a great deal of effort to embarrass everyone with his gifts, which had apparently become more outrageous as time went on.

During the sixties and seventies he had enjoyed watching each of the family unwrap more and more extreme sex toys, until it reached the stage that they were all immune to embarrassment by them, even Edward, who for years had received more and more elaborate toys for use "going solo".

Emmett seemed to take particular pleasure in giving Edward "aids" for his alone time, and Edward had warned me to expect something monstrous this time. Considering Charlie was going to be there for present opening, I didn't think that would really be the case, but Edward didn't seem to think that would bother him.

_All I can say is, it had better. _

Generally though, there was an agreement within the family that there was no reason to spend a great deal on presents, and the main aim of Christmas morning was to amuse and tease each other.

I looked over towards Edward with a smile, and I was delighted to see how happy and relaxed he looked this morning. Considering what he had told me yesterday about his experiences of Christmas in years past, I hadn't been quite sure what to expect.

"Shall we go in?" I asked, and in answer Edward jumped out of the driver's door and ran around to help me out of my side.

"Yes…" he said, with an exaggerated sigh and a smile. "Let's go and get it over with."

Emmett was long gone as we headed into the house, and I suddenly wondered if he had noticed the ring on my left hand when he had stuck his head through my window. As if he had, knowing Emmett, the announcement Edward had been planning since last night, had probably already been made.

**Edward**

I had a spring in my step as I walked Bella towards the house that Christmas morning. It actually felt like Christmas to me for the first time in decades, and I couldn't deny that I was excited. I hadn't been inside a church since the last time I went with my mother, a few weeks before all public gatherings had been stopped due to the influenza virus, and it had brought back many memories of my childhood that I had thought were long gone.

I couldn't stop my eyes from keep drifting down to Bella's left hand to eye her ring at every opportunity, and I could hardly wait to announce to my family that she had finally agreed to be my wife. Emmett had noticed the ring on her finger a couple of minutes before, but as he had vanished into the house he had promised in his thoughts not to steal my thunder.

Although, of course, he had immediately run inside and told Rosalie, I could tell from her thoughts, and Alice already knew, and of course had told Jasper. So it wasn't as if there was a great deal of thunder for him to steal.

Of course, there was one person who would be arriving shortly whose reaction I was less confident of. After my conversation with Charlie a couple of days before, I had been left under no illusions about his feelings about my plans to propose. Indeed, I had decided to wait a little longer at his request, and had meant to. Until my mouth had run away from me that is.

_But I'm glad it did._

We walked in the front door, and, speak of the devil; the first thing I saw as we entered was Charlie, a glass of wine in one hand and some kind of pastry in the other. I almost jumped three feet into the air when I saw him, I hadn't even caught enough of his thoughts to realize that he was there already, and I hadn't geared myself up for having this conversation just yet. He looked slightly awkward as he stood in the hallway, with a glass of wine in one hand and a pastry in the other. I had never seen him drink wine before, let alone at ten in the morning.

I noticed the rest of my family, who had also been ready to greet us at the door, quickly vanish into the kitchen as we approached Charlie. I caught Alice's thoughts singing jingle bells very loudly before she disappeared from view.

"Dad!" Bella said excitedly. We hadn't seen him since he set off for work yesterday morning, seeing as we had left the house this morning before he got up. I noted that he looked tired, and a little worried. "Merry Christmas!"

She ran over to him and hugged him quickly, and he smiled, his face relaxing somewhat. Bella had become more likely to hug Charlie occasionally these days, and though he still stood awkwardly every time she did, he never failed to look pleased.

"Merry Christmas, Bells! How was church?" He raised his eyebrows at her with a bit of a smirk as they pulled apart, and Bella seemed to stutter for a moment as their eyes met.

"Er, well… you know. Holy?" She glanced at me hurriedly, and I couldn't work out why. Charlie's thoughts were just amused as they exchanged a look, before they both turned to me.

"Merry Christmas, Sir." I said as I stepped towards Charlie, my voice slightly unsteady with nerves. I immediately recognized my mistake, as his eyes narrowed.

"_Sir_?" His eyes shot downwards to look at Bella's left hand, newly adorned this morning with her engagement ring. He stared at it for a moment, before he looked up at me.

Bella had caught the direction Charlie's eyes had gone, and I saw her take a breath to speak, before she stopped. I took my cue from her, and stood quietly for a moment, waiting for Charlie to say something else. I couldn't hear his thoughts at all, but I could sense his emotions were rather conflicted.

I met Bella's eyes for a second as the silence stretched between us all, and I couldn't help but smile at her. Internally I cursed the fact that I had ever asked Charlie's permission at all, and I was wondering whatever had possessed me to do so in the first place, when he finally spoke again.

"Glad we had that chat the other day, Edward," he said dryly, half scowling and half smirking at me for a moment, though it was with relief that I noted that the smirk was winning out.

"Yes, um…" Words failed me for a moment. Bella agreeing to be my wife was officially the happiest day of my life, but the last thing I wanted was for it to drive a wedge between us and Charlie.

As I struggled to find something to say, Bella held her hand out to Charlie showing him the ring. She stayed that way until he took it, balancing his pastry unsteadily on his wine glass, ring side up.

"It was Edward's birth-mother's," she said softly as he looked down at the ring on her finger. "It's the most precious thing he has."

"Second most precious," I corrected, before I even thought about it, and Bella smiled without looking away from Charlie.

"It would mean so much if you were happy for us, Dad," she continued.

"Of course I'm happy for you." Charlie said gruffly and rolled his eyes, before he pulled Bella into a hug of his own accord, a first from what I could recall. "All I want is for you to be happy, you know."

"I am."

I eyed Charlie's wine glass warily, and wondered quite how early this morning he had started drinking as he turned to me. "Ok then." He stretched out his hand towards me. "Merry Christmas, Edward. And I guess welcome to the family, though I'm gonna leave it to you two to tell Renee. I can live without that."

I took Charlie's hand and shook it, surprised at how emotional I felt. I'd expected far more anger from him, but in his thoughts I could hear that he was utterly unsurprised by the fact that I had proposed anyway. He had almost expected it. One thing Charlie could do was read people.

"Now, will you two _please _help me out here?" he suddenly hissed, his tone completely removed from where it had been a moment ago. "I've only been here for half an hour, and I think Esme is trying to kill me with food and drink. I haven't seen any of the others eat anything yet, but every time I finish one thing, I suddenly get another thrust into my hands. This is my fourth cinnamon roll this morning!"

"Well, Esme loves to be a good host," I said, as I caught a flurry of thoughts from the kitchen about the fact that Charlie had noticed none of them were eating. "I'm sure she's not actually trying to kill you, Charlie."

Suddenly Carlisle appeared at the kitchen door, with a partially eaten Danish in his hand. "Edward, Bella, can we offer you a late breakfast? Esme has been making pastries all morning, they are wonderful." As he finished speaking, he put the piece of Danish he was holding into his mouth. Despite the wide smile as he chewed, I could hear him gagging in his thoughts and wondering how he was going to get through Christmas dinner.

I chuckled, earning a glance from Charlie, and a glare from Carlisle.

"That sounds lovely, Carlisle," Bella replied, as she took my hand and squeezed it slightly, no doubt telling me to shut up. "Though we'd better hurry, I know how many of those Emmett can get through in one sitting. You've never seen anyone eat like he does, Dad. It's impressive."

I caught a mental groan from the kitchen as we approached, and as we walked in the door I saw Emmett pick up a croissant, and glare in our direction as he took a bite.

_When I barf this lot up, dude, I'm making sure you get a front row seat._

My family had chosen to spend Thanksgiving in Denali, where Jasper had still been staying at that point, mainly due to Emmett's aversion to throwing up. I knew that Bella planned to take a great deal of pleasure in feeding Emmett today.

We had had takeout pizza and chocolate ice-cream for our Thanksgiving dinner, at both Bella and Charlie's request. It was apparently tradition for them, as neither Renee nor Charlie had been up to cooking a turkey dinner when Bella was a child. We had decided to save the turkey this year for Christmas.

I bit down another chuckle, as we all exchanged hugs and Merry Christmases. When I got to Alice, I frowned at her, trying to indicate my displeasure at the fact that she hadn't told me how things were going to go with Charlie. But she simply raised an eyebrow at me slightly and smiled, and her thoughts were warm, if slightly sarcastic.

_We all need some surprises in life, Edward…_

As soon as Bella had finished with the greetings, she rushed off to check the oven. I could already smell the turkey cooking, and I noted the slight look of disappointment on her face as she looked around at all of the preparations, which looked well in hand.

"You're cooking the turkey already?" she said, and I swear she pouted, just a little.

"Well, yes," Esme replied as Alice looked on, and everyone else started to move into the living room. I could hear Emmett's thoughts were already focused on presents. "According to Google, it needs six and a quarter hours, and I thought we were planning to eat at three?"

"Six and a quarter… no, no. That can't be right." Bella huffed, and pulled the oven door open, bending down to look. As she looked inside the oven, she gasped. "Sweet Jesus! How big is that thing?"

"Twenty-four pounds. I asked for the best one they had in the store." Esme smiled sweetly, not quite registering Bella's gaping surprise.

"It's the size of a toddler," Bella said as she shut the door again, straightening up slowly, before she looked towards where the rest of us were standing. "What are we going to do with that?"

"Well…" Alice said, and I could hear the smirk in her voice as she and Esme shared a glance. "We figured we'd feed it to Emmett."

"Huh?"

"I reckon there's a really good chance of getting him to eat it. All apart from the bit you three want, and we… um…. deal with for show, of course."

"How are we going to do that?" I said, but I could already hear the answer in her mind.

"Well, you see, Jasper's here." She stopped and looked between Bella and me for a second, trying to read our response. "And he's hoping he can get a bet going, which of course, Emmett will lose…"

"You're evil Ali," I said with a grin.

"Shh, come on, present time. Emmett's not paying us any attention right now, but he will if we don't get in there pretty sharpish."

We headed into the living room, only to find everyone else sat down, already, around the enormous, and perfectly decorated, Christmas tree. Beneath it, there were dozens of presents, and I could see that ours had been added to the already substantial pile.

Jasper was seated on the couch beside Emmett, and he looked up nervously as we came in. It was the first time I had seen Jasper since the night of Bella's eighteenth birthday, and I instinctively shivered as his eyes met mine. I heard the apology in his thoughts as he stared at me, and I did my best to conceal the fear coursing through me, despite the fact it was useless. He would know every feeling I had right then.

But I couldn't help it, the last time we had all been in a room together he had tried to attack Bella, and my instinct to protect her was filling me with the urge to just grab her hand and run.

"Hey," he said softly, and I could sense the other members of my family watching us, as they chatted. Carlisle was talking to Charlie about fishing, so thankfully he at least didn't seem to notice the tension hovering in the air.

"Hey."

"Hi, Jasper," Bella said, and before I could stop her she strode towards him and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. "We missed you."

"Well, I missed you too, darlin," he drawled, making more of his accent than it was usually as he wiggled his eyebrows at me. I scowled at him, and at the same moment I realized that I had still to make our announcement.

I cleared my throat a little and took Bella's hand, pulling her back towards me where I stood in the middle of the room, and everyone turned towards us expectantly. I glanced around quickly, and could hear that both Esme and Carlisle had already noticed Bella's ring, so there was now officially no thunder to be had at all. But, dammit, I was making our announcement anyway.

"I know this will not be coming as a surprise to anybody by now." There were a couple of chuckles, and I noticed Charlie trying to restrain a smile, "But last night I asked Bella to be my wife, and she said yes."

I held her hand out, showing off her ring, and within a couple of seconds we were both buried beneath my family, each of them trying to hug us at once. The only people who stood aside were Charlie and Jasper, both of whom were smiling by now, and Rosalie, who was standing outside the immediate crowd, like me, also not a big hugger.

"Dude, about time!"

"Oh, sweetheart!"

"Welcome to the family, Bella!"

"I already have the perfect dress, you look so beautiful in it!"

_I really hope that one's not aimed at me._

Bella's hand was pulled from mine as Alice dragged her away from us and started to bounce up and down in her excitement. I could see images flashing through her head of wedding plans, and I had to restrain a groan at all the fuss she was already planning. There was no way Bella would be pleased by such ideas. I just hoped Alice wasn't going to put her off the idea of marrying me altogether.

But the thing that caught my attention in all of this, though, was that Alice wasn't seeing _visions _of our wedding; she was seeing the plans she was making in her own mind. I couldn't help but wonder for a second what that might mean.

"Congratulations, Edward," I heard Jasper by my side, and I managed to pull myself away from Emmett enough to reach out a hand to shake his. I could feel that he was calming my fears gently, and I wasn't quite sure whether to be glad or not. He grinned as we shook hands awkwardly, looking between me and Emmett as I still stood submerged in a giant bear hug.

_Do you want me to help get Emmett off you? He looks like he's going to flatten you in a minute._

"Nah, it's alright." Alice was focused on Bella, and both Carlisle and Esme had stepped back, but Emmett was still standing hugging me firmly. "Em, shall we get to the presents now?"

"I'm just so happy for you, man," he replied, and I could have sworn his voice sounded a little watery. "It's been a long time coming…" Emmett gave a long sniff, and squeezed me a little tighter, making me give a small, involuntary, squeak.

"Come on, you dimwit," Rosalie suddenly said from behind him, and it was with a little relief I felt her pull his arms away from around me. "Before you squash the groom to be." She looked at me and nodded with a half smile as she led Emmett towards the couch by the Christmas tree.

_Good for you Edward._

After a few more minutes we were all settled around the tree. I had pulled Bella into my lap as she tried to sit down beside me on the floor, and Alice had sat beside us, closest to the enormous pile of presents under the tree.

The tree was beautifully decorated in gold and silver, to match the rest of the decorations throughout the house. It was very pretty, but I had to admit, I had really enjoyed decorating my own tree this year at home. Even if it did look a bit tatty.

"So, who's playing Father Christmas this year then?" Alice chirped cheerfully as she leaned in towards the presents, answering her own question. "Ooh, this one's for me!"

She plopped her present from Bella into her lap as she started to hand out other gifts to each of us. We had never been a family who stood on ceremony and waited for each person to open one gift at a time, and the rustle of opening wrapping paper started almost immediately.

"Oh, Emmett, really!" I heard from Carlisle as a large gift landed in my lap. I looked down to see that mine was also from Emmett, before I looked up to see Carlisle holding up a T-shirt with large black lettering across the chest:

The person wearing this shirt is a  
**DOCTOR**  
Now lay back, spread your legs,  
and do as the nice doctor tells you

Carlisle stuffed the shirt down on the floor beside his feet as he tried to repress a smile, but I was looking at Charlie, as his eyes seemed to be bugging out of his head slightly. I looked down then to the gift on my knee, Emmett's familiar scrawl on the label making my heart sink slightly.

"I thought it might help you at work, Carlisle," Emmett replied sweetly, but his eyes were on me. He was watching the gift in my lap with a look in his eye that was making me nervous. "Your turn Eddie."

_Oh shit._

Everyone turned towards me, and I could hear the amusement in their thoughts already. Emmett's presents had long since lost their shock value amongst ourselves, but God alone knew what he had bought me to open in front of Charlie, of all people.

Bella was sitting on my other knee, but before I could stop her she started opening the gift Alice had passed her, also from Emmett.

"Bella, wait!" I hissed, but before I could say anything else, she pulled a long lace wrap out of the parcel.

As one we all looked towards Emmett, the surprise in everyone's expressions plain to see.

"What? I thought she'd like it."

"I do, thank you, Emmett." Bella gave a large sigh and seemed to relax in my lap, and I sent Emmett a silent glance of thanks that he hadn't embarrassed her in front of her father.

I started to open my own gift, feeling thankful for Charlie's presence today. I couldn't remember the last time Emmett had bought me a present that didn't make me want to crawl into a hole and die of embarrassment, but it seemed that today might just be ok after all.

Everyone else seemed to be busying themselves with opening their own presents, so I didn't think anything of pulling my gift out of the cardboard box the red paper had uncovered. I stared at the object in my hands for several seconds, wondering what on earth it was, until I realized everyone's eyes were on me.

I stared at the long plastic cylinder in my hand, attached by a plastic tube to a rubber bulb, trying to work out what it was for. It didn't take me long to realize it was not something I wanted to be waving around in front of Charlie.

"You're only human these days Edward," Emmett snickered, as I realized what it was that I was holding, and had to fight the urge to throw the damn thing at him.

_Knowing my luck, I'd probably hit Charlie._

"Edward, put it back," Bella whispered as she glared at Emmett.

_Oh, I'm so making him eat that turkey later._

I jammed the, entirely unnecessary, thing back in the box, the rustling the only sound in the room for a few seconds apart from muffled chuckles coming from Emmett's direction. I silently thanked God for Alice when she squealed in excitement a few seconds later.

"Oh, Bella! Thank you!"

"I thought it was fitting," Bella replied, as Alice held the crystal ball aloft for all to see. Bella had bought it from the New Age shop in Port Angeles a few days before, and Alice seemed very pleased with it. It had only cost a few dollars, but had clearly amused my sister a great deal, which was the point, of course.

There seemed to be endless presents to exchange, and the pile of gifts beside Bella and myself grew and grew. However, Emmett wasn't the only member of my family keen to embarrass me in front of my future wife and father-in-law.

I opened my gift from Alice, expecting the usual obscure object I would find myself in need of one day, only to find a small packet in my hand. I turned it over to read the front cover:

**Uh oh Emergency underpants!**

**Let me keep this brief (sorry).  
Don't let soiled underpants ruin your day! With these handy Emergency Underpants you'll be prepared for any untimely underpants incidents. Better safe than soggy! Each 3" x 1-1/2" x 3/4" tin contains one pair of disposable unisex underpants. Fits most adults.**

"What?" I squeaked, before it occurred to me to stuff the horrible things deeply under the rest of my gifts.

"Uh oh, Eddie, has Alice been seeing scary moments in your future?" Emmett jeered as I tried fruitlessly to hide my newly acquired emergency pants under the Fez that Esme had bought me for some reason. I glared at Emmett, as Charlie gave him a puzzled look.

"What was that?" Bella asked as she tried to pull the packet from under my hat.

"Nothing," I growled as I glared at Alice, who was smirking back at me. "I think Alice is fucking with me." At the same time I saw both Carlisle and Esme's jaws drop at my use of the f-word.

_Brilliant._

"I think I'd better go and look at the turkey." Esme frowned at me slightly as she stood up, and I could hear her admonishment in her thoughts. Bella squeezed my hand gently as she got up to follow her into the kitchen.

I sat and glared at Alice, as I felt the tips of my ears redden in embarrassment and annoyance. Alice was singing Christmas carols in her head to cover her thoughts, but she couldn't hide her delight at having managed to embarrass me quite so thoroughly this year, not only at her choice of gift, but also because of my reaction.

"I'm getting you back for that, Alice," I hissed under my breath as I continued to glare at her, but her smirk didn't change in the slightest.

_I'd like to see you try, big brother. _

I turned my attention away from her in irritation, wondering why the hell my family couldn't just buy each other normal presents like everybody else. I hoped the Angora sweater I'd bought her would give her a rash.

_I know it won't, but the thought made me feel better._

Fortunately, I don't think Charlie had noticed any of this, as he was too busy turning his gift from Carlisle and Esme over in his hands, staring at it in confusion.

In fact, the gift Carlisle and Esme had given him was from me, but I had felt that he would be more likely to accept it from them. In his hands Charlie held a small key, attached to a large plastic keyring which would float if dropped in the water.

He slowly cleared his throat, and as the others carried on their banter about some of the more extreme gifts we had all just exchanged, both Carlisle and I turned to him.

"So. A _boat_?" he asked quietly, looking between Carlisle and me curiously. "I mean… a boat?"

"All of us wanted to express our gratitude for everything you've done for Edward over the past few months," Carlisle replied softly, giving the illusion of a private conversation, even though we both knew that was impossible in this house. "We have already arranged with Billy Black for it to be stored in the docks on the reservation."

In fact I had made these arrangements over the last couple of weeks, Charlie's new small fishing boat, fully equipped with satellite navigation and radio equipment, was already in its berth at the docks, which had been fully paid for for many years to come.

"I can't accept something like this Carlisle… it's too much." I had already anticipated such a response, Bella was nothing if not her father's daughter. But Carlisle wasn't beyond a little emotional blackmail himself.

"Many would say what I have asked of you, over the last few months, was too much, Charlie. Please, allow me to show you my thanks."

I watched silently as Charlie nodded, and continued to stare at the key he held in his hand.

"And anyway," Carlisle continued, raising his voice a little and looking towards me. "You're family now, and I think it's time we cracked open a bottle of champagne!"

Carlisle stood quickly and headed for the kitchen, leaving Charlie looking at me over the top of his hands, still twisting the key in them nervously.

"So… I guess this was your idea?" he asked me, and I couldn't decide if his expression was pleased or not. I was beginning to head towards not.

"Actually, it was Carlisle's idea entirely. Though I agree that I thought it was a very good one." I was glad to note that he hadn't seemed to pick up on my blatant lie. As I had settled into my new skin over the last few months I had relaxed enough to be able to lie quite convincingly again, something which I was glad for. I still had a lot of secrets that I needed to be able to protect, if the time came.

Charlie simply nodded and looked downwards into his lap again, and I breathed a sigh of relief a few minutes later when Bella rejoined us.

"Esme has everything under control," she almost whined as she plopped back down into my lap, and her expression was a cross between annoyed and disappointed.

"Well… that's good?" I replied, but Bella's scowl only deepened as I did. She looked at me silently for a second, before she sighed and nodded.

"Yeah… I guess." Suddenly her eyebrow twitched quickly, and she glanced towards Jasper and Emmett across the room. Emmett was still sitting on the couch beside Charlie, and Jasper was now sitting in a chair with Alice pulled into his lap. Bella didn't say anything, but her expression caught my interest, and I looked up to see what was going on.

"… no way, Jas," Emmett was saying, and I looked between them quickly. Jasper's thoughts were betraying the plan to get Emmett to eat the turkey, but I had to admit, right now Emmett wasn't enemy number one in my book.

"Alice won, Emmett, no question. Didn't you see the look on his face?" Jasper glanced towards me, and I suddenly saw a picture of myself, looking thoroughly embarrassed and irritated a few moments ago having just opened my present from Alice. "He looked like he wanted the floor to swallow him whole.

"That doesn't mean Alice won, I think my dick enlarger was far more embarrassing than Alice's spare underpants." Emmett looked over towards me as well and smirked, as the urge to go and beat both of them about the head with my bare hands started to overwhelm me. "So Alice gets to eat the turkey."

"But I could sense Edward's embarrassment, and it was far greater over Alice's gift," Jasper drawled in response, and matching satisfied smirks crossed his and Alice's faces.

_Honestly, does everyone's family turn into monsters over Christmas?_

_Sigh._

Bella was looking between Jasper and Emmett as they argued, but my eyes were fixed firmly on Alice, and I saw her eyes flick towards me the second she saw what I was about to say.

"_NO!"_ She hissed, and I grinned at her as I spoke.

"Actually, Emmett's right, I was faaaaar more embarrassed by his gift than yours, Alice," I said, hardly able to contain my glee at having revenge handed to me on a plate. Alice's gift had been far worse, but that truth was between me and Jasper.

Bella turned and looked at me, and a flash of understanding passed between us as she stood, and I followed her. I walked towards my brothers and sisters sitting together on the other side of the room slowly, feeling like John Wayne.

_Ok, I know that's a little overdramatic, but I think you have to appreciate quite how many years I have been tortured by my family over Christmas. It was time for some payback._

"So, in all honesty, I think that Alice should eat the turkey." I looked at her, and grinned quickly as I saw visions of her vomiting all over her brand new festive quilt on hers and Jasper's bed.

"Now, Edward, I know that's not true," Jasper said hastily, but Emmett was already crowing in victory.

"I win! I win! In your face, LOSER!" Emmett cried, as he ran around the room with his left hand on his forehead, making a back-to-front "L". It was funnier not to tell him he was doing it the wrong way around, so I didn't.

"Well, Jasper, obviously you're going to say that!" Bella piped up, and I grinned a little bit wider as she backed me up. "We can't trust your opinion, as you're always going to say Alice won! I think Edward was definitely more embarrassed by Emmett's… pump."

"But…" Alice tried to defend herself, but it was too late. Her visions showed that any argument was futile, and a moment later she stomped into the kitchen to check on Esme, growling as she went.

_I'm going to get you for that big brother._

~oOo~

Dinner was perfect, of course, though Bella seemed almost disappointed by that fact. I quietly promised her that next year we would have Christmas to ourselves as we gathered around the table, and everyone began to eat.

Emmett had been sat directly opposite Charlie, as Bella had been in charge of place settings, and he couldn't seem to work out a way of convincing him that he was eating, without actually _eating. _After a few minutes of eavesdropping on his internal gagging on every mouthful I had to shut it out, as he was spoiling my enjoyment of my first Christmas dinner in the best part of a century.

Charlie seemed to be enjoying himself greatly, but it wasn't until he somehow dropped his glass of wine into the bowl of mashed potatoes that I worked out why.

"Dad, are you ok?" Bella asked hurriedly, as Charlie started baling the now very potatoey wine out of the bowl with his bare hands.

"Yup, no probs Bells," he replied with a grin, as he changed tactics, picked up the bowl, and began drinking his spilt wine straight out of the bowl. "Sorry, I've made a bit of a mess."

He sat down and continued to slurp the wine from the bowl, as Bella looked on in horror.

"How much, exactly, has he had to drink?" She muttered, looking at Esme, who was busily tucking her turkey dinner into a small beaded handbag in her lap.

"Um, only three or four bottles I think. Oh, plus he drank most of the champagne, as we all poured most of ours into his glass while he wasn't looking." Esme's expression was entirely innocent, but Carlisle's eyes widened almost imperceptibly as she replied.

"So he's had nearly a whole bottle of champagne, plus three or four beers?" Bella replied, slightly louder this time, as Charlie continued to eat, oblivious to the conversation going on around him.

"No…" Esme started to look a little guilty, and her eyes seemed to hover over Charlie a little longer this time before she continued. "Three or four bottles of _wine._"

"Looks like Alice isn't going to be the only one visiting the flowerbeds today, then," Emmett chuckled.

"Oh, holy crap," Bella muttered, glancing towards me in annoyance. "Why did he do that?"

"Well, on Google it said good hostesses always keep their guest's drinks topped up," Esme said, looking at Carlisle, who was now studying Charlie closely.

"I'm sure he's just going to have a major hangover in the morning, nothing to worry about," he said, as Charlie sat back in his chair, rubbing his stomach, still entirely unaware that he was the focus of the conversation.

"That's wash fantas… um… tas… trick, Esme," he mumbled, laying his head back against the chair back. "Where's the pudding? I hope my moustache doesn't catch on fire again. Nothing worse than the smell of burning hair…"

I raised my eyebrows towards Bella, who simply shrugged as a loud snore rumbled from Charlie's direction.

"Well, thank God!" Rosalie cried as she threw her fork to the table. I can't stand it anymore!" And with that she was gone, no doubt headed somewhere private to rid herself of what had been a truly magnificent Christmas dinner.

Within a few seconds the rest of my family had hastily departed the table, each headed in different directions, with Emmett virtually ripping the front door off its hinges as he searched for an exit. A few moments later the table was almost deserted, with just me, Bella and a still snoring Charlie surveying the piles of uneaten food.

"She really cooked enough to feed an army," Bella muttered as we looked from one end of the table to the other.

"It was delicious though, you were right, turkey is far better cooked than raw." I grinned, and Bella leant her head against my shoulder and sighed.

"Is Christmas here always like this?"

"Sort of… Actually, it's usually worse, but with less vomiting… and drunkenness." As I spoke Charlie had slid down to one side, and now had his head resting in what remained of Alice's dinner.

"Next year…"

"You, me, a Caribbean island, and a pile of presents that don't make me want to crawl into a hole and die."

"Sounds good to me."

We sat like that for a few minutes, before I couldn't stand it any longer, and stood and started to clear the plates.

"Esme will be back in a minute, but let's at least make a start," I started piling up the used plates, while looking at the wasted food in dishes all across the centre of the table.

"I really hate to see so much waste," Bella said, still not moving as I made a pile of plates that would make a waiter jealous. "There's literally enough food here to feed a dozen people, or more."

I looked at the piled up turkey, the potatoes, stuffing and vegetables, and couldn't help but agree. I couldn't in good conscience really make Alice eat this, when maybe there was something better we could do with it.

As if by magic, she appeared in the doorway to the rarely used dining room.

"Yay! You're so right Edward, there are people who need this turkey far more than I do!" Like lightning she started to clear the dishes and platters of untouched food, paying no attention to Charlie at all, who was dead to the world. "I'll get this all boxed up and get Jazz to drive it across to the soup kitchen on the other side of town. I'm sure they'll be very glad of it!"

Esme appeared, and she and Alice cleared the table in just a few seconds, snatching my impressive pile of plates from under my nose, as I sank back into my chair beside Bella. They both vanished into the kitchen, but I could still hear Alice's delighted thoughts from my seat.

"So, no one's eating the turkey?" Bella was leaning her head against my shoulder again, and as she looked up and pouted, I couldn't help but smile.

"Only someone who'll appreciate it."

"Oh… I guess that's ok. I didn't really need to see anyone throw up after the huge meal I just ate anyway."

I glanced towards Charlie as she spoke, who was still snoring, now with his head resting on the once pristine white tablecloth, and grimaced slightly. From what I saw of Alice's visions a few moments ago, Bella was not necessarily going to get her wish.

"I didn't really mean it about next year, you know; this is kind of what Christmas is all about, isn't it?" Bella suddenly said a few minutes later, as I was beginning to think that maybe a little nap might be a good thing myself. The dining chairs were large and comfortable, though a sofa would have been very welcome right about then.

"Well…" I was torn. The thought of Christmas without being horrifyingly embarrassed for a change was very appealing… at that moment Emmett walked into the room.

"Come on bro, what you doing sitting in here with sleeping beauty? Touch football in the garden!"

"How on earth do you expect me to play touch football with you these days, Emmett?" I replied, as both Bella and I got to our feet.

"Badly and slowly to be honest, man. But I look forward to beating you just as much as I did last year."

"You did _not_ beat me last year." Emmett turned to leave the room, but I stopped him before he went. "Hang on, Em, I didn't see, what did Alice get _you _this year?"

He snorted quietly, before he put his hand into his pocket and pulled out an identical packet of uh oh underpants to mine. "I have no idea what she's on about, but there's no way I need underpants. I go commando, anyway." He grinned as both Bella and I cringed, before he tossed them towards me. "There y'are Eddie, you never know."

Before I could say another word, he turned and left the room, making clucking noises over his shoulder at me as I glared at the back of his departing head.

After shoving the offending underpants into my pocket, I took Bella's hand and led her outside, to the scene of more than one touch football match in days past. The rest of my family were already tossing the ball between each other, and for a moment I stopped and looked at them all gathered together, dressed in their best clothes, preparing to play football.

It was the sort of scene I had witnessed a thousand times, most likely more, but for some reason today it felt like something I needed to try and capture in my mind.

Jasper and Emmett were tossing the ball back and forth to each other, remarkably sedately for them, no doubt considering the neighbors nearby.

Alice and Rosalie, both wearing sequined dresses which stood out somewhat against the trees, were arguing over who should drive the uneaten food to the soup kitchen, even though Alice already knew that she would lose this argument for once, as soon Rose would suggest that she should eat it herself, instead.

Carlisle and Esme were busy marking out the goals using large branches from the trees at the end of the garden.

I smiled as they carried on, and wondered if Christmas Day would still be the same one hundred years from now, after I was gone. Would they still torture each other without me here, or would the fun of it be lost then?

Bella suddenly squeezed my hand, and I looked down at her, her dark hair blowing gently around her face in the icy breeze.

"We might not have eternity with them anymore, Edward, but we still get a lifetime. That's more than a lot of people get."

I smiled and nodded before turning back to watch the scene in front of me. Alice had given up arguing with Rosalie and was now trudging towards the house at human speed, an exaggerated frown gracing her features. Everyone else seemed to be gearing up to play, and I started to walk towards them, Bella trailing along behind me by the hand.

As I walked, I wondered if she was right. I hoped so, but something deep down inside told me to cherish this Christmas; uh oh underpants and all.

~oOo~

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**So, first, thank you for sticking with this story! **

**When I started this chapter, Christmas felt like a lifetime away, someone told me it's only 6 weeks today, this afternoon though…**

**Second, I recently wrote a oneshot for the Halloween countdown, it's on my profile and it's called "True Love Waits". I actually really like it, so give it a try if you have a chance.**

**I can't even begin to think how long it's been since I last updated. The slightly longer version of why is that my father in law got really ill, went into hospital for 6 weeks, leaving me caring for his very frail elderly wife (my mother in law), as well as my 3 year old and 4 year old. I officially now know what it's like to be the in-between generation, with demands from both kids and elderly parents at the same time. **

**Many of you also know I'm that caring for my 3 year old son who has Leukaemia (this is how we spell it in the UK, spellcheck bugger off), and at the same time FIL went in, he was also poorly and back in hospital. Anyway, all this crap has generally left me pretty depressed, so writing just doesn't happen then.**

**Things have been much better, hence this chapter got written, but as of tonight both my son and FIL are back in hospital. My son is ok, FIL, not so much.**

**However, I am back into the groove, so I plan to update much more regularly again, but it's still likely to be 2-3 weeks between chapters. I estimate there are 5-6 chaps left, plus 2 epis (both of which are already written), and I guess the only thing I want to say is, I WILL finish this story. It just might take a little while.**

**No fic recs this time I'm afraid. I have read some brilliant paper books recently though. Charlaine Harris's Sookie books (starting with Dead until Dark) are fabulous, as are her "Grave" series of books. **

**I have also revisited my favourite book of all time, Jayne Eyre by Charlotte Bronte, as it's my "comfort" book for when I'm feeling off. If you haven't ever had the pleasure, please give it a try. You cannot help but fall in love with Rochester, I promise.**

**Anyway, enough of my claptrap! Review, and tell me if you're still there…**

**Til next time,**

**Ria**


	36. Beginnings

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Twilight! Though I do obviously own every word of this original story, and as soon as humanly possible I plan to pull it to publish, and make you all pay to read my story about "Edmund the ex-vampire and his girlfriend Betty"… … … ;)

Thanks go to my good friend for betaing this chapter, and for not telling me to bugger off considering I've not posted in so long…

FINALLY – This chapter comes with a warning. I have no clue when the next one will be up, as my time and inclination is so limited at the moment. If you think the last chapter is a nice place to stop for now, come back when I hit complete (which I will do at some point, just can't promise when).

~oOo~

**Bella**

Time passed, as of course it must, and the days and weeks of winter stretched into spring.

Those days were some of the happiest of our lives, and although we knew that darkness lurked somewhere around the corner, we were surrounded by friends and family, and it was somehow forgotten in the light.

Until one day it was the beginning of the end, and nothing would ever be the same again.

This is the story - of the death of the name Cullen.

~oOo~

**Edward**

There was something different, and I couldn't quite place what it was.

I was lying in bed, warm and comfortable with Bella curved across my chest like a cat; but something had woken me. I opened one eye carefully, certain that it was still early, and fairly unimpressed at being awake at this hour on a Saturday, and tried to work out what it was.

Our room looked the same as ever. Now full to the rafters of my belongings, both Bella and I were seriously considering moving some of our stuff into the cottage on Cullen land that Esme had prepared for us.

Barely any carpet had been visible for weeks, buried under… stuff, which was quite frankly driving me mad, and to get from one side of the room to the other now was becoming quite a task.

Neither of us actually wished to move out of Charlie's house, which is why the "stuff" situation was becoming such an issue; but something was going to have to give soon. I might not have been trying to hang on to all of my old life, but I wanted enough of it that there just simply wasn't room for it all in Bella's bedroom.

I looked around, wondering if maybe today was finally the day that I needed to give in and start boxing things up and taking them to the cottage, when I realized what had woken me.

A narrow shaft of sunlight shone through the gap in the curtains at the side of our bed, brightening the room more than I had seen in months. In fact, I was pretty sure I hadn't even seen the _sun _in months.

A small smile crossed my face as I snuggled back under the covers with Bella, deciding that it really wasn't time to get up yet. Spring was finally coming; graduation was getting closer with every day that passed; and I could hardly contain my excitement at the prospect of our lives actually _starting _soon.

In the last couple of weeks both Bella and I had received various acceptances and rejections to colleges from across the country (well, I hadn't actually received any rejections... but Bella didn't know that) giving us a wide choice as to where to go in the fall.

My personal preference was for Dartmouth, but although I had already received my acceptance, there had been no sign of one for Bella yet. The control freak in me was desperate to send a large donation to the faculty in exchange for her quick admittance, but I was still biding my time. I was sure she was capable of getting in on her own merits, and I just had to be patient.

_A word that seems to be dominating my existence at the moment._

Patience. I could hardly believe how many years I had seen pass sometimes, as each week of school seemed to drag more and more slowly, with graduation hovering just beyond my reach. It felt like my life would really start on that day, my _final_ graduation.

Still lying in bed, but now certain that whatever I did I wasn't going to get back to sleep, I realized that today was precisely three months until that auspicious day. The fourth of June; so near, yet so far…

"Your brain is keeping me awake," Bella suddenly mumbled from my shoulder. "Go back to sleep, it can't even be seven yet."

"Sorry," I whispered softly. "I didn't mean to wake you. The sun woke me up."

She groaned as she rolled off my chest onto her back. Her hair was wild around her face, and one cheek was bright pink where it had been lying on me.

We were quiet for a few minutes as we enjoyed each other's warmth in bed. Watching her go from asleep to awake was still one of my favorite things to do, though it was something I didn't get to see very often these days. My human self enjoyed my sleep, and I was rarely awake before Bella; she often joked that I had ninety years of sleep to catch up on, as she rolled me out of bed in time for school.

Eventually, she turned over and looked at me, her lips set in a firm pout. "You know, all week it virtually takes a bomb to get you out of bed, and yet Saturday morning, you're awake at the crack of dawn."

I couldn't resist stealing a quick kiss of her pouty lips, but she pulled away from me as soon as I did, her expression still set. "I mean it, Edward. What gives?"

My eyes flicked around the room for an instant, and realized I had to give in. My OCD had finally reached a tipping point, and it was time to confess.

"I've been thinking about this all week," I said with a smile as she started to edge back towards me in the bed. "I can't live like this anymore. We need to find somewhere else for all of this…"

"Crap?"

"I was going to stay stuff… But ok, I think once you officially can't see the floor anymore, it's time to admit you need more space."

"We can't see the crap that's _on_ the floor, let alone the floor itself," she grumbled as I quickly shifted and climbed out of bed. I had recognized the look in her eye as she tried to snuggle up against me, and I'd decided if we wanted to get anything done today, I needed to get out of bed right now. "It's not my stuff anyway."

I started to pick my way across the room, headed towards the bathroom, as she shuffled around in the bed, but I stopped when I heard a thud from behind me.

"_Shit_!" I turned to find Bella sprawled on the floor, having clearly fallen over a pile of my books that were now scattered across the room, as she glared at them in disgust.

"Are you ok…?" I began as Bella's glare shifted from my books to me. There was silence in the room for a second as she glared, and I did a quick bit of mental arithmetic, and realized that this weekend really wasn't one to be annoying her any more than absolutely necessary.

"I'm fine," she eventually sighed as she stood up, waving my hand away irritably when I tried to come to her aid. "Let's just start packing some of this junk up, shall we?"

She pushed past me and headed into the bathroom, as I did my utmost to restrain a smirk. My Bella was one of the best natured people in the world for 25 days a month, but for the other three, I had discovered that it was best to stay out of her way, unless I was armed with chocolate.

I surveyed the room quietly for a minute, before I started to search for a pair of jeans in the pile that served as my wardrobe these days. Today was the day; it was time to sort this mess out.

~oOo~

"Where do you want me to put all these books?" I called, as I carried the fourth enormous box of books through the front door, of what Esme had insisted was now our cottage when I had called her that morning.

Esme had been delighted the we were finally making the cottage "our own" as she'd put it, though she hadn't seemed to really believe me when I'd explained that we were staying at Charlie's, and merely moving some of our stuff over there for now. Finally, she had sighed knowingly, simply saying yes dear, and asking if we wanted any help with moving our stuff over that morning.

I'd declined any help, after all, it was only a few boxes, and had assured my family that there was no reason for them to rush down to Forks today. I was quite happy to get Bella to myself for a change; between school, Charlie, and Alice, alone time came at a premium these days.

"Oh, there are more bookshelves in the spare room," Bella replied as she appeared from the kitchen, where it smelled to me like she was making us some lunch. "I think the shelves in the living room are pretty much full."

I winked as I made my way past her into the spare room, and she smiled back before turning to finish up with lunch, or so my stomach hoped at least.

Once we'd made a start at packing up her room, Bella had cheered up enormously - I thought that the mess had probably been getting to her too. We had spent a busy, but pleasant, morning packing up our belongings, sorting them into things we could live without day to day, and things that needed to stay at home. In a way, it almost felt like the beginning of the beginning, the beginning of our preparations for college, as I knew many of the boxes I had packed up today would not be opened again until we moved to college in the fall.

We were unpacking our books, onto the many bookshelves around the cottage, as I knew that Bella would not be happy unless her favorites were easily accessible somewhere, but there were three boxes of my CDs which would not be seeing the light of day for some time.

I couldn't help the grin that spread across my face when I heard a footstep behind me; as I put the box down on the floor. "What's cooking for lunch, love, it smells…"

I stopped talking suddenly as I turned, and realized that the person standing behind me wasn't Bella. I caught a slight fragrance in the air in the instant before my eyes reached what they were moving towards, and it was enough for the blood to run cold in my veins.

An instant later my eyes met with dark red, and my stomach and legs turned to jelly beneath me. It took everything I had in me to speak without allowing my voice to shake.

"Laurent."

I sounded confident and unafraid, but unfortunately I could hear his thoughts registering my very human terror in the face of him. He could _smell_ my fear, and through his thoughts, I could hear my own racing heartbeat being echoed back at me.

"_Edward?_" He replied slowly, the dozens of questions currently flying through his brain all being summed up into one confused word.

"Yes, Edward _Cullen_," I replied, hoping that the inference of the use of my last name reminded him that I was not just any other human, and should not be treated as such.

We eyed each other for a few seconds, a lifetime for him, but not nearly enough time for me. The color of his eyes told me at once that both Bella and I were in very great danger, before I even registered some of his underlying thoughts. Panic was scrabbling around inside me like a small animal, threatening to burst out at any second, but I knew that our only chance was for me to make him wait long enough to kill us, for my family to get here.

"What… I don't understand," he murmured, his French accent becoming stronger as he mumbled something quietly to himself for a moment.

"I would imagine you don't." I was trying as hard as I could to bring my body back under my control as I spoke, and I was glad that my voice at least still sounded cool and confident. My heart was still racing, and I knew that the adrenaline pounding through my veins must have smelled strongly to him of fear, but I couldn't allow him to think of me as prey.

I had to make him think of me as his equal.

We stood in silence for a few seconds, and I could hear his thoughts running through his mind at lightning speed. He examined me all over as only a vampire can, shocked to find that however close he looked, I appeared to be an entirely normal human, very different from the last time he saw me. I heard as he tried to work out if I was perhaps a relative of the vampire he had met last time, unable to believe that I was in fact one and the same creature, despite what his eyes and other sense were telling him.

I fidgeted a little under his close scrutiny, unable to stop myself as I listened to every thought running through his head. There was something else beneath his thoughts of the changes that had occurred to me, something that flew through his mind so quickly that I couldn't catch all of it, all I heard was that someone would not like this new development.

"You know…" I had to stop myself from jumping when he finally spoke aloud, his head tipped slightly to one side, still observing me. "… I have seen many things in my three centuries in this world. I have seen men become monsters. I have seen the dead rise from their graves as both ghosts and demons… But I have never seen a monster become a man."

Faster than I could see he moved behind me, and I felt the air against my neck as he inhaled my scent.

"Yet, here you stand, Edward _Cullen_. I wonder, why do you still use that name, now the rest of your coven has left you to your flesh?"

His movement behind me had caused panic to rise within me again, and the burning flare of hunger that had ravaged his thoughts as he had breathed me in a few moments before had only heightened it. In that second, the true danger we were in right now had really hit me – Laurent was _thirsty_.

"They haven't left." My voice cracked as I replied, but I didn't think it mattered that much. He was well aware of quite how terrified I was right then - there was no hiding it. In the back of my mind I wondered how far Alice or anyone else was from us by now. I knew she must have seen what was happening here, the only question was, _when_?

"The house seems very empty… though… the scent does – _linger_." I turned slowly and met his eyes again, and I heard the question in his mind.

_How far away are they? Have they really left you both… unprotected?_

My heart seemed to crash in my chest when I saw Bella through his eyes just a few moments before, putting the finishing touches to lunch only a few feet from where we currently stood.

_Oh God, please let her stay there for now._

"They aren't staying far away," I replied. "They had some disagreements with the locals, but they have stayed nearby for my sake." I didn't want to even say Bella's name in his presence; he was already thinking about her too much for my liking, and through his mind, I could _smell _her, the way she smelled to him. A scent that had once been so very familiar to me, along with the burning thirst it created.

And it was terrifying.

"Hmm." He was quiet for a moment, before he vanished again. I turned to find him to one side of the doorway, as Bella walked in.

"Lunch is ready, baby, what are you doing?" Her smile dropped quickly as she looked at me, but before she could move Laurent was behind her, with his nose pressed against her throat. She made a small squeak, and the fear I could see in her eyes almost broke me right there.

"Stop!" I yelled, as I saw Laurent imagining tearing into her flesh there and then, not quite daring to move, not sure how he might react. "My family will be here any moment, and they will destroy you if you harm either one of us." Somewhere in my fear for her, my fear for myself had gone; and my furious stance and reactions were no longer a pretense.

Laurent stepped away from Bella and circled her slightly, until he stood almost between us. In three steps I was by her side, and she hid herself behind me without a word.

"_Edward_," he whispered cajolingly. "What would make you think that I would harm either one of you…?" But in his mind I could still see him imagining himself drinking greedily from Bella's throat.

_Oh yes… your little party trick. Irina has told me all sorts of things about your coven._

He thought directly at me, as, again, he deliberately imagined himself drinking Bella's blood, imagining it so clearly I could almost taste it myself.

"What do you want, Laurent?" I growled, my anger turning to rage as he continued to taunt me in his head.

"Now, that's a very interesting question, Edward," he replied, and once again I caught an undercurrent to his thoughts. "I came here as a favor to a friend, but now, I'm not so sure I want to tell her what I've seen."

He was trying to mask his thoughts from me, but he couldn't keep back the flash of red hair as I caught his momentary thought of why he was here.

"Victoria?" I blurted out, without thinking. All I wanted to do was keep him talking; I didn't know how long I had until they got there, I only knew that they _would_ get there. I just needed to buy us some time.

"Yes, Victoria." A lazy smile stretched across his lips, showing me all of his teeth as his thoughts of drinking Bella switched to feeding upon me.

Being in his place in his imagination as he ripped my throat out and drank my blood was very disconcerting, and I knew that he was trying to make me stop reading his mind. But it was the only advantage I had, and I couldn't give it up.

"She wants to know where we are... why?" I asked, as again Laurent couldn't hold back an image of Victoria, this time raging in grief and anger, and the name on her lips was mine.

"You know how we are Edward... Well, not that you are included in that anymore." He laughed elegantly, before he took a step towards me and spoke more quietly, almost conspiratorially. "A mate for a mate. Victoria blames you for James' death, so naturally..."

"_No._" Victoria wanted Bella, not me. A mate for a mate, she wanted to make me live through the pain that she had.

"But, now, I'm not quite sure what to do. Do you even still care for your mate now, as you did as a vampire? The human heart is a fickle thing in comparison, as I recall."

I stopped my natural urge to insist that my love for Bella remained unchanged, and I felt her hands on my back form fists in my shirt as her face pressed more tightly between my shoulder blades. Would downplaying my love for her now save her, or maybe even just buy us a few more precious minutes?

"A human heart is very different, I admit." In truth I thought my love was more raw, more demanding and certainly more needy than it had been when I was a vampire, and without doubt no less intense. But that was something I knew I had to conceal from the creature before me.

"So, maybe taking a mate for a mate is not enough now..." Laurent stopped, and I saw his nostrils twitch slightly. "Though, I must confess, right now I wonder if she'd really mind if I simply... _dealt_ with the problem for her."

"She doesn't want us dead, Laurent. She wants to _kill_ us. Do you want her grief turned on you instead?" I had hoped that maybe Victoria had some kind of power or authority over him when I said that - maybe threatening him with her was better than with my family.

But I was wrong.

With a whistle of wind I felt Bella being jerked away from me, and in an instant she was standing in front of Laurent a few feet away, his hand wrapped around her throat, holding her tightly against his chest. Her terrified eyes were fixed on mine as I stumbled forwards, trying not to fall from having had her yanked away from me so roughly.

"Do you think I am afraid of that whore?" Laurent snarled as he ran his nose down Bella's throat. "I came here as a favor to an old friend only, and instead I find a _human _instead of the vampire I came to spy on. Tell me, Edward, what happened to you? What made you this way? _Tell me now_." His final words came out as a hiss, the threat within them an undercurrent of every syllable.

Bella's eyes bugged out slightly as I saw him squeeze her neck a little tighter, but I stopped myself from moving towards them, knowing that if he wanted it, she could be dead before my foot had even hit the floor.

"I don't know," I replied, panicking when I thought of how he might take a truthful answer. The last thing I wanted to do was make him angry, by making him think I was trying to lie to him.

"Think harder, Edward," he said softly as he leant down and licked Bella's by now bright pink cheek. "The smell of her blood is so thick, I am almost mad with it... _Tell me_."

"I... I think it was magic. I came across some travelling gypsies in Europe. I think they did it." It sounded to me far more plausible than what had actually happened, and right now, all I wanted was for him to believe me. "Please, let her go, she can't breathe."

I could see Bella trying to struggle, but his grip was too strong for her to move with any great success. Her face had now gone a dark purple color, and she was gasping for air. Tears were starting to build up in my eyes as I watched her agony before me, not daring to move in case he killed her because of it.

"She can breathe a little," he replied, his expression thoughtful as I saw Bella gasp in a tiny breath. My stomach hurt with the fury I was keeping in as I watched him hurt her, but I still didn't dare move. I could hear from his thoughts that it really didn't matter to him whether he killed her or not.

_Alice, please, where are you?_

"Let her go, and I'll tell you exactly where I was." I could tell that I had pricked his interest with what I had said, and I hoped that maybe I had a bargaining chip to buy us just a little more time. "Maybe you could find them, if you wanted to."

"I think you'll tell me that, whether I let her go, or not." Laurent squeezed a little tighter again as his lips drew into a thin line, and Bella's mouth opened and closed like a fish gasping for air. She clearly couldn't breathe at all now.

"Please. Please," I begged, dropping to my knees as everything that held me up left me in an instant. Bella's lips were starting to turn blue, and I could see that she was dying right in front of me. "Let her go, I'll do anything, please, let her go."

I looked at him, searching for a spark of humanity in his eyes, but there was none to see. I could only see a predator standing before me, and his pleasure in the hunt was building as the inevitable conclusion raced towards us.

Bella was now hanging limply from his hand, and inside my mind I was screaming, but I couldn't let it out. I was the only chance she had.

Suddenly he dropped his hand from her throat, and Bella tumbled to the floor before me in a lifeless heap. Laurent, though, had clearly heard something, as his eyes suddenly flicked around the room, before, with a swirling of air, he vanished, to my eyes almost as if he had never been there at all.

But I wasn't focussed on that, the instant he had dropped Bella I had thrown myself forward, too slow to catch her, but she was in my arms a second later as I tried to feel for a pulse.

"Bella! _Bella!_" I virtually screamed as I felt around her swollen neck for some sign of life, all of my medical training leaving me entirely as I shook her trying to get some kind of response. Her head flopped uselessly in my lap as I did it, and I began to shake all over as grief overwhelmed me.

"Edward, move." Carlisle suddenly appeared beside me and pulled Bella out of my arms and laid her down on the floor.

I felt cold arms encircle me from behind and pull me away as the terror I had been fighting back for the last few minutes finally crashed through my defenses, and enormous, wailing sobs began to break free from me, as I watched him work on her. For a few seconds my sanity hovered above me, until he looked up, his face full of relief.

"She's ok, Edward; she's breathing, her pulse is normal. She's got some serious bruising, but she'll be ok."

"Oh, thank God. Thank God." The arms around me tightened and pulled me into their neck, and I recognised Esme's scent as I continued to thank God until the words coming from my mouth were nothing but incoherent gibberish. I knew that I was crying, but I didn't care. I allowed myself to be comforted for a minute as I listened to Carlisle talk to Esme.

"She's ok, but she's unconscious. It's a good thing we weren't a minute or two later... Bella, Bella, can you hear me?" he said as he lifted Bella into his arms, gingerly supporting her neck with his arm as he tried to bring her around..

"Well, we weren't. And we won't be next time either."

"No, you're right. It's time we came back to Forks."

"Carlisle?" At the sound of Bella's voice, I shook myself and sat up, pulling myself out of Esme's arms as I scooted over to where she lay. Her voice was rough and sounded painful, but it was the most wonderful sound I had ever heard in my life.

"Bella? Oh, my love, I'm so sorry. I couldn't do anything to-" my voice was breaking as I tried to express my guilt at simply standing and watching as she suffered, but she wouldn't let me

"Don't, Edward, I know; he would have killed me if you'd taken another step, I just know it. I think he was going to anyway." Every word out of her mouth sounded agonizing, and both Carlisle and I hushed her at the same time.

"Bella, speaking is going to be very painful for a few days, please, try not to say anything you don't need to," Carlisle said as he ran his hands over her throat. I couldn't miss the way she flinched as he touched the quickly darkening finger shaped bruises all the way around her neck. "I think we need to get a cold compress on this as soon as possible. Esme?"

"I'll go and find a cloth." Esme vanished from behind me quickly, as I looked at Carlisle.

"Laurent was here for Victoria... but I guess he'll be long gone by now," I said, but Carlisle was shaking his head as I did.

"I wouldn't bet on that. Emmett, Jasper, Alice and Rosalie were all outside waiting for him. And with what Alice saw a few minutes ago, I think it unlikely he will survive the encounter." Carlisle was blocking his thoughts from me, but he didn't need to. I'd seen inside Laurent's own mind what his intentions were in the moments before my family had arrived.

"Good. As I think letting him go right now, would be a very bad idea." As I said those words, I realized that despite my deep inner need to destroy Laurent myself, I was no longer capable of doing what was now necessary with him.

As I cradled my poor bruised and terrified beloved in my lap, I only hoped that one of my family was.

**Alice**

We had all been at home when the vision of Laurent arriving at Edward and Bella's cottage had come to me, thank God.

I didn't wait to see what was going to happen, the mere fact that his eyes in my vision had been red was enough for me to react. I had simply shrieked, and thank God my beautiful boy had known what needed to be done without a thought.

Within seconds we were in our cars flying to Forks from Port Angeles, and despite the fact that it was the middle of the day, we did a journey that at the speed limit takes nearly an hour, and usually takes even one of us about twenty minutes, in twelve.

I was able to tell the rest of them what I had seen as we drove, the distance between our cars not preventing them from hearing me perfectly clearly, and with every word the tension rose in all three cars.

I knew that from the second I had begun to see my vision play out, Edward and Bella had only seventeen minutes to live. Maybe less if Edward didn't play it very carefully indeed.

The twelve minutes it took us to reach Forks were torturous, as with every move Edward and Bella's fate swung in the balance. Visions of events coming almost as they happened were the most unpredictable, and I saw a million variations of what could happen between them all as we tore towards them, horns blaring in our wake as we negotiated Saturday afternoon traffic at Grand prix speeds.

The second we arrived back on our property we were out of our cars and headed towards the cottage at top speed, and I saw Laurent's decision to leave the second he heard us pulling up.

"Carlisle, Bella's hurt," I couldn't help but sob as we approached the cottage. I could see that she would be ok, but I couldn't see if that was because Carlisle was here or not, so it was with relief I watched as both he and Esme broke away from the rest of us and headed towards the cottage itself, rather than the woods beyond it, where I knew Laurent would be heading.

"Which way Alice?" Jasper said from beside me. Emmett and Rosalie were to my left, and Jasper to my right as we ran as one towards our prey. We all knew that there was no way we could allow Laurent to leave this place today.

"To the north, into the woods..." I replied, but as I said it he changed his mind, instead deciding to run straight towards the main house instead. "Wait, no..." But before I could say anything, he changed his mind again, this time planning to head east.

"What, Alice, which _way_?" I could hear Jasper's frustration, but I wasn't sure which way to head now, Laurent seemed to be changing his mind every second, every half second.

"I'm not sure, he keeps on changing his mind... it's almost as if..." I paused, not quite giving voice to the suspicion in my mind, though that didn't stop Jasper, ever the soldier.

"As if he's trying to manipulate your visions?" He said glancing my way quickly. We were only a second from having to decide which way to run, and I had no idea which direction to take us.

"Yes."

"Split up," Jasper said as we began to separate as if to surround the cottage. "Emmett, Rosalie, take the north side, we'll cover the south."

We moved quickly, forming a net around the cottage, but an instant later I realised that he had somehow fooled me again, and that he had already left. Before I could even voice it though, Jasper picked up his trail, heading away to the south of the cottage.

"Emmett, _here_," Jasper yelled, and in an instant both he and Emmett were in hot pursuit of the trail. Both of them were faster than Rosalie and me, and within seconds they had pulled maybe a hundred feet in front of us.

"How did he trick you into thinking he was still in the house?" Rosalie said to me as we ran, the confusion in her expression matching that which I felt.

"I don't know... he was manipulating me even as we approached though, I couldn't see what he was going to do. He seems to know a lot about how my visions work, and how to get around them." The thought that Laurent had been using my own visions against me crossed my mind, and anger flared inside me when I realized that the only way he could know so much was for one of my family, or should I say extended family, to have told him about me. In great detail.

"It might explain why you've not been able to see whatever the 'big bad' heading Edward's way is -" Rosalie replied as Jasper and Emmett suddenly veered sharply to the right ahead of us.

"Maybe..." But before I could even finish the thought, there was a snarl ahead of us, and suddenly a huge grey wolf leapt across the pathway through the forest in front of Jasper and Emmett, followed by an enormous russet brown one, then a black one, which finally stopped directly in their path.

A flash of a vision hit me, of Jasper and Emmett fighting with the wolves... and in my vision there were five wolves, and only two of them.

"STOP!" I screamed, but it was too late. Neither Jasper nor Emmett had any intention of stopping, but when they tried to duck around the wolves in their path the grey wolf struck out at them from one side.

The horse sized wolf lunged at Emmett, who neatly sidestepped it, missing its enormous jaws by mere inches. But a second later it lunged at Jasper, who stood his ground, and swiped at it, cracking his fist across its jaw the instant before it was about the strike at him. The crack of the impact between them echoed around the forest, and the almost human shriek that came from the wolf as it rolled away from Jasper reverberated around with it, accompanied by the snarls of the other wolves as they prepared to attack.

"You're on Quileute land!" I shrieked, as visions of the bloody-battle about to happen between us all began to push everything else out of my mind. "_Come back to me_ _now_. _JASPER_!"

I half sobbed-half screamed his name, as in my mind the hidden wolves leapt at him and began to tear him to pieces in the impossible fight we were only seconds away from. A moment later he was by my side, with Emmett beside him.

"His trail goes that way, we have to follow him!" Jasper said in an agitated manner. He had clearly only backed down from the fight in response to my distress, and his need to pursue Laurent was still obviously uppermost in his mind.

"We're chasing the bad guy, you stupid fucking DOGS!" Emmett yelled as the final two wolves revealed themselves, and the now five enormous wolves stretched out across the trail in front of us, their intention clear. Each one of them was baring it's teeth and snarling, even the grey one which Jasper had hit, which seemed to be edging a little closer towards us than the rest of them.

Both Emmett and Jasper seemed to be unharmed, but they were both windswept from the run, and they wore matching expressions of frustration as we moved about edgily, trying to work out what to do now, as the wolves no doubt tried to do the same.

"Another vampire just crossed into your land, just here!" Rosalie suddenly yelled, taking a step forwards as she did it. The wolves all immediately began to snarl more loudly, and I could sense that now two of them really wanted to attack us. I wasn't sure what was holding them back.

"He's a human drinker," Rosalie continued, and I could see the wolves finally begin to take notice. "He just attacked Bella and Edward. Instead of standing around growling at us like a useless bunch of little bitches, go and get him, if you won't let us do it!"

The wolves seemed to hesitate for a moment, but then a second later they were gone, tearing through the forest in the direction Laurent's trail had been headed in, almost silently.

Jasper, Emmett and I all turned to Rosalie as one and looked at her - as she looked at her fingernails, as if the entire event had bored her.

"What?" she said, not bothering to look up. "There's no point us all standing here while Laurent gets away. They want something to use as a chew toy? Rather him than me."

"_Fuck!_" Emmett hissed as he stalked off, before he suddenly kicked at a large boulder standing on the top of a short rocky outcropping nearby. The boulder took off, flying a good hundred feet before landing with a soft thud deeper in the forest. "I can't believe we let him get away! What are we going to tell Edward?"

"I don't know," Jasper replied, looking more thoughtful, but still just as frustrated as Emmett. "But whatever we do now, we can't leave them unguarded for a second. Unless the wolves get him, we have to assume that Laurent now poses a constant threat to Edward and Bella."

"Shit, Bells; we'd better go and check she's ok..." Emmett said, but I hushed him with a wave of my hand.

"She's fine... bruising..." I knew my voice sounded distant, and I sensed everybody turning to me as the vision of the coming days played out in my mind. They waited for me to speak again, each of them knowing that they had to allow the vision to play out.

"Alice?" Jasper eventually said, a few seconds after my eyes had cleared and dropped to the ground.

"The wolves won't get him," I replied, before I turned and ran back towards the cottage, leaving the others trailing behind me.

My vision had been thorough, and there was so much to do - but at least now we weren't blind anymore. I forced myself to look on the bright side; knowing that the visions that I had just seen were only of things that could be, and that somehow we would be able to stop them.

But first, I needed to see my brother and my sister. I needed to see with my own eyes that they were both ok, as sometimes living inside my own head so much made me question what was even really real anymore.

And after that... well, then it would be time for me to talk.

~oOo~

**A/N – Well, if you made it this far, thanks for reading! I wasn't intending on posting, but this chapter crept up on me, so I thought I may as well. I cannot promise when the next one will come, it will most likely be a while.**

**I'd just like to thank everybody for the messages of support I've received since we got the news that my son's Leukaemia relapsed over Christmas. The last few months have been a horrible time, and there's only more to come unfortunately. **

**The good news is he went back into remission well, and is now home again. We have also found a Bone Marrow donor via the Anthony Nolan Trust (which is a UK charity, I'm certain there must be something similar in the US and other countries around the world), and my son is scheduled for transplant on 26****th**** May. This is what he needs to have a chance to get better, but it is obviously a hard procedure, so it's difficult to look forward to putting him through it, despite everything.**

**I do seem to spend a lot of time sitting about with my son at the moment, which is how this chapter came to pass, so you never know. Another one may be forthcoming sooner or later. I estimate there are 5 regular chapters left, plus 2 epis. But I'm crap at that, so you should probably read that as 6, or even 8...**

**No recs, as my fic reading has dropped to zero these days. If you haven't discovered the Black Dagger Brotherhood books by J R Ward though, they're brill.**

**Til the next time,**

**Ria**


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